About The Real Me Part Two: The Start Of the Abuse
*DISCLAIMER This post WILL touch on a few sensitive subjects like abuse in all forms and suicide. If these things bother you please don't read it. I will take no offense. Instead jump down to my last post which is about my normal hectic life.This post will also make you laugh, cry, and feel anger towards the people mentioned and me as well. I am aware that Sage is on my friends list and might read this too and I am ok with it. Maybe if he knows more about me, he will understand more. I am ready to take what I get from it and it's a good purge for me.* This will be my longest post ever! Take it in small bites if you must, but please read it all. Please click to read if you missed Part One. Thank you :)
At first Abuser seemed to have changed. He would hold open doors and give me presents that made me giggle like a school girl. My Mom allowed him to move in to one of our apts. I was so excited. A place for us to live! The people who owned it before us were pigs and had a dog that shit and pissed all over the place. The floors were pretty bad and had to be really scrubbed. Abuser insisted we use bleach concentrated. I figured it would come clean if we mixed a solution and we argued over it. He told me the bottle said to use in straight if you need a stronger clean. He told me to look at the bottle and when I came over to him, he smacked me in the jaw with it. I fell down and he opened the bottle and poured it on the floor in front of me. He threw a brush at me and told me to scrub. I picked up the brush and began scrubbing. The bleach odor was wafting into my eyes and they were teary and I though I would puke. I didn't stop till the floor was spotless and when I was done he patted me on the head and said, "See I was right wasn't I?" I nodded yes. He said, "Next time just listen to me and there won't be any problems." After that I tried not to argue again. Because of this I can't use or be around bleach when it's in use. Besides it's bad for the environment anyway. We finished cleaning and moving us in or so I thought. Abuser decided that I should stay at home and gradually move in. That way he had his space. When I protested he slapped me and that was the end of it.
My Grandmother and I didn't get along as I said earlier. I was getting money from the government for my father's death. She was taking half of it towards the mortgage. She always told me there was no money, but she would always go out to lunch or dinner. I had also been stealing from her for a while now, so I knew she was lying. Even though he was dead she still kept several bills in my Fathers name and would tell the company's he wasn't there and she would take a message. I also knew she had credit cards still in my Grandfathers name. I don't think she told them he was dead and it had been almost ten years! This fueled a hate red for my Grandmother that Abuser made sure to stoke the fires of. My Grandmother had a lock box with jewelry in it and Abuser kept trying to get me to take it. He would say it was my money too and she was hiding it. Maybe my Grandfather wanted me to have it and she didn't tell me. I believed him because I thought I loved him, but I kept saying no.
My visits to Abuser's house became less frequent. Also we had stopped making love, that's what I called it, I was worried he didn't like me anymore. I told him one night on the way home from work how I felt. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. At first he got angry and I thought he was going to hit me, but then his expression changed and he said, "Yes there is something you can do to help." We drove back to his house. I was tied up for the first time that night. it was strange and exciting. At first he did a standard lay on your back and tie to the bed posts. We screwed for a little bit, but he started to go limp. He pulled off me and said he had to use the bathroom. I was fine till i had to pee. After he was done i asked him if he could untie me so I could go. He said he wanted to get a drink first. I said OK and he went down stairs. I must have dozed off, but when I woke up I really had to go. I called for Abuser, but he didn't answer. Fortunately he was no boyscout and the knots weren't the greatest and they loosened in time for me to dash to the bathroom. I finished, put on one of his shirts and went to find him. He was asleep in front of the TV watching soft porn with his dick in his hand. I turned the TV off and headed back up the stairs. He came to and asked me why did I turn the TV off. I said I thought you were asleep. Then I mentioned how he forgot about me. He mumbled sorry and told me to take his shirt off I would stretch it out. I went back upstairs crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.
I was woken up in the morning by a hard slap in the ass. Abuser was yelling at me about the shirt. I groggily tired to apologize and he slapped he again. He picked me up by my hair and slapped my face. He grabbed my throat and squeezed. He dropped me on the ground and I landed hard on my knees. He grabbed my hair again and slammed my mouth onto his dick several times. When that wasn't working for him he threw me on the bed, flipped me over and tied my hands. He threw me down and slammed into me hard. When I cried he pushed my face into the bed. When he was finished he just left the room. I didn't move for I don't know how long. At some he untied me and at in a chair in the room near me. I still didn't move. he spoke to me, but I could barely hear him. When I finally did turn my head and looked at him he was smiling. He said he thought I was asleep. I shook my head no. He asked if I liked what happened. I started to say no, but then thought better and said yes. He said good, patted me on the head, and left to room. I uncurled myself and crawled to the bathroom. I peed normally thank goodness. I went downstairs and he offered me a seat and some microwave popcorn. I sat down and he put his arm around me and hugged me. We watched movies and are popcorn. We never spoke about it, but each time I looked at him I saw he was looking at my rope burned wrists and smiling.
This became normal sex for us. It was always face down ass up, but not always with ropes. As long as I complied he was gentle and I enjoyed it. Sex was also used as a punishment too. One day Abuser announced I was getting to fat and needed to go on a diet. He said his Mom was on a diet of rice and I should try it. Meaning I was GOING on it. After that I could only eat rice and puffed rice cereal at his house. When I was home I gorged on meat and veggies. I ate boxes of Mac and Cheese. I tried to stay home more, but he would bring me over his house to try different acts and experiments with sex. During the summer time he was the worst. It seemed, unknown to me at the time, that Abuser's Mom was abusive towards him and he would take that aggression out on me. I had never met his Parents at all.
Abuser had three close friends. M., Streak, and Lene. Lene was 24 and a beautiful, but very insecure girl. Her Mother was J.W. and Lene had gotten ousted from her church for unbecoming behavior. She was currently trying to get back in their good graces. Abuser was in love with her. He thought it was amazing that she was still a virgin. He thought he could win her heart and take it from her. He said it would feel amazing, because she was so pure. Streak was a new girl that came to our school. She was only 16, but had a streak of white in her hair. This was from a shock of finding out that her Mother,who she thought was dead since she was three, was actually alive! Her Father had been lying to her all the long. She died her hair black, but never got rid of the streak, I think she was proud of it. Abuser thought she was so cool and wanted to date her. M. was a buddy Abuser loved to pal around with. he seemed like a nice, but clueless guy. The way Abuser looked at him, you would think he was in love with him too. Abuser always wanted to hang out with Lene alone, but she liked me and insisted I come. When ever he yelled at me, she would say, "That's not how you treat a lady, especially your girlfriend." He would yell, "She's not my girlfriend!" I just stayed quiet knowing I would get it when we were alone. Lene often drove so she could get home on time. She would drop him off first and he would always try to invite me to stay, but Lene would say no she wanted to talk to me and then take me to her house to hang out. I was grateful to not have to deal with his wrath at that time. When We hung out with Streak and M. I would always have to give up my seat to Streak in the front. Abuser liked to tease and tickle her while he was driving. M. once asked me if it bothered me and I lied and said it was ok. In truth it hurt so much I would get sick.
I had a friend/enemy in school named Flame. I call he that, because as much as I liked her I hated her. 1stB. knew her from Jr. High and was in love with her then. Before I went out with him, she went out with him and broke his heart. I hated her for that. Then when I had another guy I liked she ruined that possible relationship too. Her Mom was an alcoholic and she had to go to the meeting that I did. I was very kind to her and helped her through a really tough time. She paid me back by telling the guy that I was an alcoholic and was going to AA meetings. He stopped talking to me and started going out with her. This was the last straw for me. I told her the next guy she really liked I was going to take him away some how. She laughed and asked how I was going to do that the way i looked. It hurt, but it only made me more determined.
In the Summer I had lost contact with her, but I heard through the grapevine she was dating a new guy. When we started school in the Fall I asked her who he was. She said just someone, but no one important. The way she was acting i knew he was important and the fact that she was never seen outside with him. In Oct. on my Birthday I went out side after 4th to have a smoke. I saw Flame talking to a really good looking guy. I walked over and she smiled tentatively and said, "Happy birthday Bitch, here's your gift." I caught the package and said thanks. I looked at the guy and he smiled and said Happy birthday too. I saw his eye's and swooned. Flame must have seen this because she grabbed his hand. The warning bell rang and Flame had to get class. The guy asked me where I was going I said lunch. He said he was going to P.E. and he would walk with me. he kissed a very pissed off Flame and walked her to the doors. Before she went in she looked at me throwing daggers, I smiled and waved. The Guy walked back to me, gave me his arm and asked, "Shall we go?" I took his arm and we walked off. He asked if I eat in the Cafe and I said no I take my Lunch back to the Rocks. he said he would go with me. I asked him what about P.E., aren't you going to get in trouble for skipping? He said no he could skip if he wanted, he was on the track team. We got my lunch and walked back to the Rocks. We sat and talked for a while and he made me laugh. It wasn't long before the bell rang and class was over. Flame came out and saw us talking. She lit up a cigarette and I swear she inhaled half of it from anger alone. She walked over to us, took his hand and kissed him. He pulled away a little, like he didn't like the ash mouth. I said my next class was here, and he said they had class on the other side so we parted ways. I stood there getting ready to light a cigarette and watching them walk away Flame's head leaning on his arm, when he suddenly turned his head a winked at me. I dropped the cig and waved back. I had just met Sage.
At first Abuser seemed to have changed. He would hold open doors and give me presents that made me giggle like a school girl. My Mom allowed him to move in to one of our apts. I was so excited. A place for us to live! The people who owned it before us were pigs and had a dog that shit and pissed all over the place. The floors were pretty bad and had to be really scrubbed. Abuser insisted we use bleach concentrated. I figured it would come clean if we mixed a solution and we argued over it. He told me the bottle said to use in straight if you need a stronger clean. He told me to look at the bottle and when I came over to him, he smacked me in the jaw with it. I fell down and he opened the bottle and poured it on the floor in front of me. He threw a brush at me and told me to scrub. I picked up the brush and began scrubbing. The bleach odor was wafting into my eyes and they were teary and I though I would puke. I didn't stop till the floor was spotless and when I was done he patted me on the head and said, "See I was right wasn't I?" I nodded yes. He said, "Next time just listen to me and there won't be any problems." After that I tried not to argue again. Because of this I can't use or be around bleach when it's in use. Besides it's bad for the environment anyway. We finished cleaning and moving us in or so I thought. Abuser decided that I should stay at home and gradually move in. That way he had his space. When I protested he slapped me and that was the end of it.
My Grandmother and I didn't get along as I said earlier. I was getting money from the government for my father's death. She was taking half of it towards the mortgage. She always told me there was no money, but she would always go out to lunch or dinner. I had also been stealing from her for a while now, so I knew she was lying. Even though he was dead she still kept several bills in my Fathers name and would tell the company's he wasn't there and she would take a message. I also knew she had credit cards still in my Grandfathers name. I don't think she told them he was dead and it had been almost ten years! This fueled a hate red for my Grandmother that Abuser made sure to stoke the fires of. My Grandmother had a lock box with jewelry in it and Abuser kept trying to get me to take it. He would say it was my money too and she was hiding it. Maybe my Grandfather wanted me to have it and she didn't tell me. I believed him because I thought I loved him, but I kept saying no.
My visits to Abuser's house became less frequent. Also we had stopped making love, that's what I called it, I was worried he didn't like me anymore. I told him one night on the way home from work how I felt. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. At first he got angry and I thought he was going to hit me, but then his expression changed and he said, "Yes there is something you can do to help." We drove back to his house. I was tied up for the first time that night. it was strange and exciting. At first he did a standard lay on your back and tie to the bed posts. We screwed for a little bit, but he started to go limp. He pulled off me and said he had to use the bathroom. I was fine till i had to pee. After he was done i asked him if he could untie me so I could go. He said he wanted to get a drink first. I said OK and he went down stairs. I must have dozed off, but when I woke up I really had to go. I called for Abuser, but he didn't answer. Fortunately he was no boyscout and the knots weren't the greatest and they loosened in time for me to dash to the bathroom. I finished, put on one of his shirts and went to find him. He was asleep in front of the TV watching soft porn with his dick in his hand. I turned the TV off and headed back up the stairs. He came to and asked me why did I turn the TV off. I said I thought you were asleep. Then I mentioned how he forgot about me. He mumbled sorry and told me to take his shirt off I would stretch it out. I went back upstairs crawled into bed and cried myself to sleep.
I was woken up in the morning by a hard slap in the ass. Abuser was yelling at me about the shirt. I groggily tired to apologize and he slapped he again. He picked me up by my hair and slapped my face. He grabbed my throat and squeezed. He dropped me on the ground and I landed hard on my knees. He grabbed my hair again and slammed my mouth onto his dick several times. When that wasn't working for him he threw me on the bed, flipped me over and tied my hands. He threw me down and slammed into me hard. When I cried he pushed my face into the bed. When he was finished he just left the room. I didn't move for I don't know how long. At some he untied me and at in a chair in the room near me. I still didn't move. he spoke to me, but I could barely hear him. When I finally did turn my head and looked at him he was smiling. He said he thought I was asleep. I shook my head no. He asked if I liked what happened. I started to say no, but then thought better and said yes. He said good, patted me on the head, and left to room. I uncurled myself and crawled to the bathroom. I peed normally thank goodness. I went downstairs and he offered me a seat and some microwave popcorn. I sat down and he put his arm around me and hugged me. We watched movies and are popcorn. We never spoke about it, but each time I looked at him I saw he was looking at my rope burned wrists and smiling.
This became normal sex for us. It was always face down ass up, but not always with ropes. As long as I complied he was gentle and I enjoyed it. Sex was also used as a punishment too. One day Abuser announced I was getting to fat and needed to go on a diet. He said his Mom was on a diet of rice and I should try it. Meaning I was GOING on it. After that I could only eat rice and puffed rice cereal at his house. When I was home I gorged on meat and veggies. I ate boxes of Mac and Cheese. I tried to stay home more, but he would bring me over his house to try different acts and experiments with sex. During the summer time he was the worst. It seemed, unknown to me at the time, that Abuser's Mom was abusive towards him and he would take that aggression out on me. I had never met his Parents at all.
Abuser had three close friends. M., Streak, and Lene. Lene was 24 and a beautiful, but very insecure girl. Her Mother was J.W. and Lene had gotten ousted from her church for unbecoming behavior. She was currently trying to get back in their good graces. Abuser was in love with her. He thought it was amazing that she was still a virgin. He thought he could win her heart and take it from her. He said it would feel amazing, because she was so pure. Streak was a new girl that came to our school. She was only 16, but had a streak of white in her hair. This was from a shock of finding out that her Mother,who she thought was dead since she was three, was actually alive! Her Father had been lying to her all the long. She died her hair black, but never got rid of the streak, I think she was proud of it. Abuser thought she was so cool and wanted to date her. M. was a buddy Abuser loved to pal around with. he seemed like a nice, but clueless guy. The way Abuser looked at him, you would think he was in love with him too. Abuser always wanted to hang out with Lene alone, but she liked me and insisted I come. When ever he yelled at me, she would say, "That's not how you treat a lady, especially your girlfriend." He would yell, "She's not my girlfriend!" I just stayed quiet knowing I would get it when we were alone. Lene often drove so she could get home on time. She would drop him off first and he would always try to invite me to stay, but Lene would say no she wanted to talk to me and then take me to her house to hang out. I was grateful to not have to deal with his wrath at that time. When We hung out with Streak and M. I would always have to give up my seat to Streak in the front. Abuser liked to tease and tickle her while he was driving. M. once asked me if it bothered me and I lied and said it was ok. In truth it hurt so much I would get sick.
I had a friend/enemy in school named Flame. I call he that, because as much as I liked her I hated her. 1stB. knew her from Jr. High and was in love with her then. Before I went out with him, she went out with him and broke his heart. I hated her for that. Then when I had another guy I liked she ruined that possible relationship too. Her Mom was an alcoholic and she had to go to the meeting that I did. I was very kind to her and helped her through a really tough time. She paid me back by telling the guy that I was an alcoholic and was going to AA meetings. He stopped talking to me and started going out with her. This was the last straw for me. I told her the next guy she really liked I was going to take him away some how. She laughed and asked how I was going to do that the way i looked. It hurt, but it only made me more determined.
In the Summer I had lost contact with her, but I heard through the grapevine she was dating a new guy. When we started school in the Fall I asked her who he was. She said just someone, but no one important. The way she was acting i knew he was important and the fact that she was never seen outside with him. In Oct. on my Birthday I went out side after 4th to have a smoke. I saw Flame talking to a really good looking guy. I walked over and she smiled tentatively and said, "Happy birthday Bitch, here's your gift." I caught the package and said thanks. I looked at the guy and he smiled and said Happy birthday too. I saw his eye's and swooned. Flame must have seen this because she grabbed his hand. The warning bell rang and Flame had to get class. The guy asked me where I was going I said lunch. He said he was going to P.E. and he would walk with me. he kissed a very pissed off Flame and walked her to the doors. Before she went in she looked at me throwing daggers, I smiled and waved. The Guy walked back to me, gave me his arm and asked, "Shall we go?" I took his arm and we walked off. He asked if I eat in the Cafe and I said no I take my Lunch back to the Rocks. he said he would go with me. I asked him what about P.E., aren't you going to get in trouble for skipping? He said no he could skip if he wanted, he was on the track team. We got my lunch and walked back to the Rocks. We sat and talked for a while and he made me laugh. It wasn't long before the bell rang and class was over. Flame came out and saw us talking. She lit up a cigarette and I swear she inhaled half of it from anger alone. She walked over to us, took his hand and kissed him. He pulled away a little, like he didn't like the ash mouth. I said my next class was here, and he said they had class on the other side so we parted ways. I stood there getting ready to light a cigarette and watching them walk away Flame's head leaning on his arm, when he suddenly turned his head a winked at me. I dropped the cig and waved back. I had just met Sage.