A Tall Drink of Retcon
You know what? I’m tired of complaining about the second season of Doctor Who. It’s starting to feel like I can’t talk about the series without bashing season two. And if I’m sick of it, I can’t imagine how my friends who actually liked the season feel. They should get medals for putting up with it this long. The Order of the Bitten Tongue, or something.
So the other day, I sat down and made a list of all the things I would’ve done differently in season two. Well, not all, exactly - just the things I’d need to change to make the season work for me. I narrowed it down to ten (seven, if you lump together all the changes I’d make to “New Earth”):
I’d cut the entire psychograft subplot from “New Earth.” Instead, I’d have Rose and the Doctor work together to figure out what was going on.
I might keep the scene where Rose and the Doctor get into separate elevators, much as I dislike it. Then, while the Doctor was talking to the Duke of Manhattan, I’d have Rose meet Novice Hame and the Face of Boe. When Novice Hame said that she could hear the Face of Boe singing in her mind, I’d have Rose start to remember the music she heard when she looked into the Time Vortex.
I’d have Rose and the Doctor be together when Novice Hame told the story about the Face of Boe’s final words. Then, once they were alone, I’d have Rose ask if he thought it referred to him, and I’d have him say something like, “Nah. I told you before, I’d make a very bad god.” (And then I’d have her tease him about how useless he’d be as a Supreme Being.)
And in keeping with RTD’s original plans for the episode, I might have the Doctor suggest that they blow up the hospital. And then I’d have Rose say something that led him to the cure.
I’d cut the bet from “Tooth and Claw.” Instead, I’d have Rose befriend Queen Victoria the same way she did Harriet Jones. (In fact, I’d probably make Victoria’s character arc a condensed version of Harriet’s.)
I’d mention Jack at least once - probably in “The Girl in the Fireplace.” I can see using that episode’s fifty-first-century setting as a springboard, and having Mickey point to Jack’s absence as further proof of the Doctor’s short attention span.
I’d tweak the Cyberman two-parter to fit the aftermath of “The Girl in the Fireplace.” In “Rise of the Cybermen,” for example, I’d replace the scene where the Doctor and Rose are cuddling on the couch with one where Rose is piloting the Tardis.
I’d replace “The Idiot’s Lantern” with an episode that addressed the issues raised in “School Reunion,” “The Girl in the Fireplace,” “Rise of the Cybermen,” and “The Age of Steel.” Something like rosa_acicularis’s story “ But Broken Lights” would work.
I’d rewrite Rose’s speech at the end of “The Satan Pit.” Instead of her saying, “I’m gonna wait for the Doctor,” I’d have her say that she would find a way to rescue him.
I’d rewrite Rose’s speech at the end of “Doomsday.” Instead of her saying that the Doctor “does it alone,” I’d have her point out that since there were two levers, he literally couldn’t do it alone.
I’m seriously considering making that my personal canon. I figure if I can ignore “Forest of the Dead,” then I can ignore “New Earth.” Of course, I don’t know if I can ignore “Forest of the Dead.” It’s not something I’ve ever tried to do before. But I’m all out of air, speed, and ideas, here, so I think it’s worth a shot.