Comments | mizkit: do men really think like this?

mizkit

do men really think like this?

Jun 14, 2016 23:34

I feel that that’s a provocative subject line, but it’s the root question being posed here, so…

I’m reading a book. It’s a decent book. Written by a guy, four or so main characters, one of whom is a woman, and she’s beautiful, which is fine. Viewpoint Bad Guy Character creeps on her, which is creepy but okay fine he’s the bad guy. He creeps on all ( Read more... )

writing, reading, movies

Comments 11

idancewithlife June 15 2016, 03:06:01 UTC

Well, as a female reader I don't know if men do it all the time in RL but I will say that in a book any character who the author has say or think the same thing about the same person over and over annoys me because it's BORING. Do they not think I got it the first 20 times they said it? By time 50 I'm asking myself if this book is good enough to finish. So as boring writing I would call it bad writing. After all we wouldn't want to hear anyone in RL say a bazillion times that they find a certain person beautiful.

mizkit June 15 2016, 07:28:29 UTC

Yeah, the more I think about it the more I find it emphatically bad writing for exactly these reasons, but it's so *obviously* bad writing to me, and so broadly consistent across a lot of male writers, that apparently I just finally cracked and had to go "IS THIS NORMAL MALE THOUGHT BEHAVIOUR??!?!" :)

pgwfolc June 15 2016, 05:00:46 UTC

Short answer: Yes, that's how our brains work. Sort of. Not the way you've described. But it's a difference of degree rather than kind ( ... )

pgwfolc June 15 2016, 05:01:07 UTC

(My ramblings got too long ( ... )

mizkit June 15 2016, 07:34:18 UTC

That, particularly But you look at your kid, and you're struck, time and again, by how cute your child is., is actually very helpful, because I do that constantly BUT I ALSO THINK IT'S ABSURD that I do it constantly. :) Not as absurd as the Harry Cavill thing was, because I really did find that completely ridiculous, but the point is more that it gives me a more comprehensible frame of reference for grasping what the author is perhaps trying to get across and possibly how the male brain works. :)

It's still bad writing, mind you. :) But seriously, that was a really thoughtful and helpful explanation, so thank you very much!

pgwfolc June 15 2016, 07:38:52 UTC

Glad I could help. And yes, it's absurd. But it seems more absurd when you suddenly start doing it as a grown adult. When it just comes on you as part and parcel of all the changes that come with puberty, I guess you get more used to it. It's still absurd, but more in the way of "Oh, yeah, it'll do that."

Thread 5

ext_301110 June 15 2016, 05:17:49 UTC

Or does this male writer think this is what women readers want to read? The fantasy of the "safe" man who will adore her/find her beautiful always, but not creep on her?

Goodness knows it comes up in romances very frequently. In fact, often heroes sound just like stalkers/creeps in the way they think and act, but the difference is the reader (and the heroine) knows he's the good guy.

Definite food for thought...

mizkit June 15 2016, 07:36:25 UTC

Yeah, that's one of the things that makes my eyes roll hard enough to dislocate, is that (to me as a reader) it's so clearly (and so poorly) trying to differentiate between the good guy and the bad guy with how they think about women that it verges on caricature, I guess. Yeah. And I mean, the good guy character is *not* a creeper, he's really not, it's just good god I got the first time that you thought she was beautiful, you don't need to repeat it every page. (Ok, it's not really every page but it's a lot.)

sillylilly_bird June 15 2016, 17:37:29 UTC

Definitely not good writing. I have a similar reaction to Matt Bomer - my eyes follow him 85% of the time he's on screen - he's so. damn. pretty. And like you said, it's not the conscious recognition and then acclimitization to its presence; it's a steady stream of 'holy moly PRETTY' at the same level of distraction.

lokifan June 18 2016, 05:52:34 UTC

I'm a bi woman which might be a useful data point - and, hmm, not EVERY time but there are definitely women where I think a LOT about their hotness. I do think that's partly about attraction but also partly about internalising gender expectations, because I do it a lot more often with women and also with women I'm not attracted to. But it happens most with women I find beautiful. It's DEFINITELY not every time I look at them or even most, though, because basically every time I see one of my best friends I think "wow she's so beautiful" (and also notice their clothes/make-up because it's an interest of mine) but like... then we hang out for ages ( ... )