Comments | mister_troper: The Thick Black Line

mister_troper

The Thick Black Line

Feb 21, 2010 15:21

Title: The Thick Black Line
Genre/Word Count: Fiction/1,214
Notes: Part 3 of 3. (Part One here. Part Two here). Further notes (plus description of original, more Twilight Zone ending) here.

The Story So Far: In one timeline, we are introduced to Henry, a man whose future selves keep returning to the present to give him advice on how to live his ( Read more... )

0210, fiction, contest, week 3

Comments 6

silverflight8 February 22 2010, 00:11:01 UTC

The dialogue in this is amazing; it's snappy and funny and it made me laugh (i.e., phrases like "I am not being sadistic," Henry said and pointed a finger a Bridgett. "I am being selfish. There is a difference.") It tackles a brain-bending concept and makes it humorous and something we can relate to. Just the way you've written the dialogue, with the "he said" in the middle, sometimes makes it hard to read. Otherwise, I really enjoyed reading, probably because of how well it flows. Thanks for posting.

mister_troper February 22 2010, 15:30:02 UTC

Thanks. I generally do plays, so I'm always at a bit of a loss as to where the verb goes, as opposed to dialog just happening.

rephen February 22 2010, 11:09:20 UTC

AAAAAAAAAAAAH

Other Bridgett! Enters the story! Hahah. So fun.

Your lines were brilliant, as they had been in the other pieces. This one has more a tapping rhythm to it, almost a staccato.... A strange pace, but very suiting to the piece, I think. I really enjoyed it. Looking forward to more!

mister_troper February 22 2010, 15:27:28 UTC

Thanks! While I'm flattered that you're looking forward to more, this is the conclusion. The meaning of "Other Bridgett" and anything else is meant to be inferred, or at least up to the reader. I tried to lead things to a certain conclusion, though, or at least conclusions. It is time travel, after all.

rephen February 22 2010, 16:43:39 UTC

AAAAAAAAAH D:

No timetravel for Week 4??? D:

I'm one of those readers who appreciates when writers hammer me out with stuffs clearly. I am terrible with inferred meanings :( But I do like this time travel arc of yours. I think it must be your dialog. They are so cool, and so fast-paced, and so very smart. Ah well, I look forward to your week 4's entry, nevertheless!

(The comment has been removed)

mister_troper February 25 2010, 16:18:06 UTC

Poor Henry indeed. Still, I think things work out for him in the end.