Notes: Over Twenty Percent
I'd originally intended it as a throwaway paragraph to run as a JFF, but it sort of became the entry due to both other considerations, and further explorations of the piece. I don't want to say that I'm not happy with it, but I think that's the fact I can't actually decide myself about how I feel about the protagonist, and the protagonist's beliefs. I suppose I disagree with them as much as I envy them, but in trying such a short piece, it's hard to get all of that through.
Alternate version follows that's a bit longer, but weaker for it (I think). I'm trying to actively avoid stories where not much happens, which is how it's sort of part of a longer and more complex scene in my mind that I don't think it's necessarily worth the effort to write out - I doubt it's actually interesting that way. I'd be curious to hear any comments on comparing the two.
Alternate version follows that's a bit longer, but weaker for it (I think). I'm trying to actively avoid stories where not much happens, which is how it's sort of part of a longer and more complex scene in my mind that I don't think it's necessarily worth the effort to write out - I doubt it's actually interesting that way. I'd be curious to hear any comments on comparing the two.