Jensen 2.0
So we were all thinking it - was that really Jensen at the L.A. Con? It was like someone had tweaked his software...
FROM: jpad@yahoo.com.ca
TO: iBot@skynet.com
SUBJECT: Request for Technical Support
Dear Tech Support
I acquired the Jensen model from your iBot range in 2005. I had seen the Jensen device before but only in its nanoTwink model, which didn’t suit my needs. However, the Ackles05 was exactly what I wanted. The unit’s chassis is curvaceous, refined, and well thought out with a flawless finish. The Jensenbot (TM) has lasted through much rough handling, with only a few scratches. I did initially find its controls stiff and they offered minimal tactile feedback. While slow to power up in the morning, it’s power supply lasted for up to 18 hours with little loss of speed.
But while I appreciate the effort put into the look and feel of the Jensenbot, more work is needed on its functionality.
It came pre-loaded with WorkMates software. I continue to run this in the background, but I have downloaded a number of other programs over time.
Initially, I mainly used the DrinkingBuddies application which was the amongst the best in this range, although still outclassed for capacity by the Chad-o-matic 1000 which while less refined, had more grunt. After installing the new Jose Core Processor, I found the Jensenbot(TM)’s higher tequila cache to have much improved performance.
I found the unit interfaced easily with other entertainment systems including the PSP and Xbox360, although when I used it to dock my iPod I often found the music files corrupted and many of my John Mayer tunes overwritten with Josh Groban. In contrast the unit’s own sound system gave a high quality audio experience with surround sound, especially in the country rock mode.
The Jensenbot (TM) had limited media ability on its own, and operated much better when in hand-held mode.
In 2006, I downloaded Boyfriend 1.0 into the unit, and problems started immediately. The Jensenbot(TM) froze and wouldn’t respond to any commands. Through instructions from an online message board, I downloaded a rainbow patch, which at least restored some of iTouch functionality. I found it worked best with the Heineken and Smirnoff add-ons. The WEED add-on worked well in the short-term but eventually did cause some corruption of the memory.
I finally deleted the heteros.exe file, and installed the Gay 2.0 operating system, and boy what a difference it made! Slimmed down and souped up, the Jensenbot(TM) device now boasted more RAM, which meant it now surpassed any of my previous interactive experiences.
The semi-automated source code enhancements that came with Gay 2.0 included fashion optimization, and reconfiguration to achieve quality of service (BlowJob module). I found adding a few lines to the code maximized the efficiency of the oral algorithms.
The docking ports were now easily accessed, although it took a while to get the anals.exe program running to my satisfaction, but now I don’t know how I lived without it. Trying out the various new Plug-ins has been great fun. Occasionally I do find the unit has a pop-up feature I am unable to turn off.
When running Gay 2.0, the Jensenbot(TM) had greater access to a range of fun social networking sites. I did find some religious sites blocked access to the device, but its new search engine proved efficient at finding free porn, danceable pop tunes, and fabulous accessories.
I did download some Open Source shareware - FuckBuddies - but I kept encountering malware especially unwanted Trojans and the Jealousy virus. I found I really wanted a dedicated program, with exclusive use, and so installed a monogamy dongle. When the dongle is present, the software runs in a restricted mode or refuses to run at all with other users. I have of course upgraded the virus protection program.
In late 2008, I had the Jensenbot(TM) fully installed as a home system, and switched it to Co-Habitation mode. This is proved disastrous. The Jensenbot(TM) now interfaces exclusively with my Xbox, locking me out, and continually drains the Espresso peripherals. It powers down much quicker than previously, often crashing before I am finished using it. The FreeSex Plus feature frequently refuses to run at all.
The Jensenbot(TM) has uninstalled many valuable programs such as Romance 3.2, Laundry 2.1, and the personal hygiene sub-routine. Attempts at Conversation 7.0, even with the Dr Phil enhancement, simply crashes the system. In addition it often runs DrunkenBuddies all weekend, which seems to abort the Boyfriend 1.0 system without warning.
It has became difficult to connect with the device even over a phone line. I found its browser rejected all my cookies, and allowing it access to my MSMoney files has made no difference.
I am at my wits end! Should I simply do a restore back to the original WorkMates program? Or go back to my previous bot and rerun Girlfriend 2.0?
Help!!!
J.Padalecki.
FROM: iBot@skynet.com
TO: jpad@yahoo.com.ca
SUBJECT: Re: Request for Technical Support
Dear Owner of Jensenbot(TM),
We receive many inquiries similar to yours. The Jensenbot(TM) is a uniquely configured system, and as we advise in the warranty, downloading of unlicensed software may cause problems with the operating system. In particular the company does not support Gay 2.0, but in a desire to ensure your continued custom, we will deal with this under our “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
Inexperienced users find the upgrade to Boyfriend 1.0 difficult at first, especially when run in Co-Habitation mode. Many people have the issues with privacy, security and performance you describe. There are workarounds out there, but they are rarely successful. Boyfriend 1.0 is written in an obscure language, and reprogramming is difficult.
Some hints for improved performance:
* Have you tried turning it on? Yes, a simple strategy but turning on the Jensenbot(TM) solves many problems. Sometimes you may need to flash the system, in order for the hard drive to respond.
* Try entering C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. This willcause the Guilty 3.1 application to run, and should clear the system of old file fragments and allow the device to prioritize memory to the important applications.
* Given you have been running the device continually you may wish to decompress files by running Holiday 9.9. Remember the Jensenbot(TM) is waterproof and will withstand a range of temperatures.
* Holding down Fn-Apologize will often help reset things.
* You should resist the urge to use the Control key as it rarely improves matters. Sometimes you will find this causes the Jensenbot(TM) to run a backup Boyfriend program. In this case you may need to run a DoucheChecker Utility.
* Repeated hitting of the Esc key won’t achieve anything.
Boyfriend 1.0 is unstable in the long term. To maximize system potential you should upgrade to Husband 1.0. It comes with killer apps like Contentment 2.3, Happiness 2.2, and the Love application. Many users find it actually optimizes performance of the root directory (possibly this reference is only relevant to Australian users).
Husband 1.0 does come with a complementary lifetime subscription to FreeSex Premium, and a range of s.exe modules. It is up to you whether you wish to continue using the monogamy dongle. Some users find joining a local users group will allow you access to novel configurations.
Be aware that at this time the Husband 1.0 is not legal in all jurisdictions.
Hope this helps!
--Tech Support
FROM: jpadackles@yahoo.com.ca
TO: iBot@skynet.com
SUBJECT: Request for Technical Support
Dear Tech Support,
Thank you!!! I used the C:/I LOVE YOU command repeatedly and installed the TLC2 patch and found a marked improvement! I upgraded immediately to Husband 1.0, which I was able to purchase in Canada, and the difference is incredible. I feel we have a fully participatory interactive experience, and the device is now less resistant to user-generated content.
I recently tried out Jensen 2.0 at an event in L.A. and found improved public access. It even spontaneously initiated both Humor 2.1, Amusing Anecdote 3.4 and the Dancing subroutine. And the s.exe files just run day and night with no drop in performance!!!
Yours gratefully
J.Padalecki-Ackles
FROM: jpad@yahoo.com.ca
TO: iBot@skynet.com
SUBJECT: Request for Technical Support
Dear Tech Support
I acquired the Jensen model from your iBot range in 2005. I had seen the Jensen device before but only in its nanoTwink model, which didn’t suit my needs. However, the Ackles05 was exactly what I wanted. The unit’s chassis is curvaceous, refined, and well thought out with a flawless finish. The Jensenbot (TM) has lasted through much rough handling, with only a few scratches. I did initially find its controls stiff and they offered minimal tactile feedback. While slow to power up in the morning, it’s power supply lasted for up to 18 hours with little loss of speed.
But while I appreciate the effort put into the look and feel of the Jensenbot, more work is needed on its functionality.
It came pre-loaded with WorkMates software. I continue to run this in the background, but I have downloaded a number of other programs over time.
Initially, I mainly used the DrinkingBuddies application which was the amongst the best in this range, although still outclassed for capacity by the Chad-o-matic 1000 which while less refined, had more grunt. After installing the new Jose Core Processor, I found the Jensenbot(TM)’s higher tequila cache to have much improved performance.
I found the unit interfaced easily with other entertainment systems including the PSP and Xbox360, although when I used it to dock my iPod I often found the music files corrupted and many of my John Mayer tunes overwritten with Josh Groban. In contrast the unit’s own sound system gave a high quality audio experience with surround sound, especially in the country rock mode.
The Jensenbot (TM) had limited media ability on its own, and operated much better when in hand-held mode.
In 2006, I downloaded Boyfriend 1.0 into the unit, and problems started immediately. The Jensenbot(TM) froze and wouldn’t respond to any commands. Through instructions from an online message board, I downloaded a rainbow patch, which at least restored some of iTouch functionality. I found it worked best with the Heineken and Smirnoff add-ons. The WEED add-on worked well in the short-term but eventually did cause some corruption of the memory.
I finally deleted the heteros.exe file, and installed the Gay 2.0 operating system, and boy what a difference it made! Slimmed down and souped up, the Jensenbot(TM) device now boasted more RAM, which meant it now surpassed any of my previous interactive experiences.
The semi-automated source code enhancements that came with Gay 2.0 included fashion optimization, and reconfiguration to achieve quality of service (BlowJob module). I found adding a few lines to the code maximized the efficiency of the oral algorithms.
The docking ports were now easily accessed, although it took a while to get the anals.exe program running to my satisfaction, but now I don’t know how I lived without it. Trying out the various new Plug-ins has been great fun. Occasionally I do find the unit has a pop-up feature I am unable to turn off.
When running Gay 2.0, the Jensenbot(TM) had greater access to a range of fun social networking sites. I did find some religious sites blocked access to the device, but its new search engine proved efficient at finding free porn, danceable pop tunes, and fabulous accessories.
I did download some Open Source shareware - FuckBuddies - but I kept encountering malware especially unwanted Trojans and the Jealousy virus. I found I really wanted a dedicated program, with exclusive use, and so installed a monogamy dongle. When the dongle is present, the software runs in a restricted mode or refuses to run at all with other users. I have of course upgraded the virus protection program.
In late 2008, I had the Jensenbot(TM) fully installed as a home system, and switched it to Co-Habitation mode. This is proved disastrous. The Jensenbot(TM) now interfaces exclusively with my Xbox, locking me out, and continually drains the Espresso peripherals. It powers down much quicker than previously, often crashing before I am finished using it. The FreeSex Plus feature frequently refuses to run at all.
The Jensenbot(TM) has uninstalled many valuable programs such as Romance 3.2, Laundry 2.1, and the personal hygiene sub-routine. Attempts at Conversation 7.0, even with the Dr Phil enhancement, simply crashes the system. In addition it often runs DrunkenBuddies all weekend, which seems to abort the Boyfriend 1.0 system without warning.
It has became difficult to connect with the device even over a phone line. I found its browser rejected all my cookies, and allowing it access to my MSMoney files has made no difference.
I am at my wits end! Should I simply do a restore back to the original WorkMates program? Or go back to my previous bot and rerun Girlfriend 2.0?
Help!!!
J.Padalecki.
FROM: iBot@skynet.com
TO: jpad@yahoo.com.ca
SUBJECT: Re: Request for Technical Support
Dear Owner of Jensenbot(TM),
We receive many inquiries similar to yours. The Jensenbot(TM) is a uniquely configured system, and as we advise in the warranty, downloading of unlicensed software may cause problems with the operating system. In particular the company does not support Gay 2.0, but in a desire to ensure your continued custom, we will deal with this under our “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.
Inexperienced users find the upgrade to Boyfriend 1.0 difficult at first, especially when run in Co-Habitation mode. Many people have the issues with privacy, security and performance you describe. There are workarounds out there, but they are rarely successful. Boyfriend 1.0 is written in an obscure language, and reprogramming is difficult.
Some hints for improved performance:
* Have you tried turning it on? Yes, a simple strategy but turning on the Jensenbot(TM) solves many problems. Sometimes you may need to flash the system, in order for the hard drive to respond.
* Try entering C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME. This willcause the Guilty 3.1 application to run, and should clear the system of old file fragments and allow the device to prioritize memory to the important applications.
* Given you have been running the device continually you may wish to decompress files by running Holiday 9.9. Remember the Jensenbot(TM) is waterproof and will withstand a range of temperatures.
* Holding down Fn-Apologize will often help reset things.
* You should resist the urge to use the Control key as it rarely improves matters. Sometimes you will find this causes the Jensenbot(TM) to run a backup Boyfriend program. In this case you may need to run a DoucheChecker Utility.
* Repeated hitting of the Esc key won’t achieve anything.
Boyfriend 1.0 is unstable in the long term. To maximize system potential you should upgrade to Husband 1.0. It comes with killer apps like Contentment 2.3, Happiness 2.2, and the Love application. Many users find it actually optimizes performance of the root directory (possibly this reference is only relevant to Australian users).
Husband 1.0 does come with a complementary lifetime subscription to FreeSex Premium, and a range of s.exe modules. It is up to you whether you wish to continue using the monogamy dongle. Some users find joining a local users group will allow you access to novel configurations.
Be aware that at this time the Husband 1.0 is not legal in all jurisdictions.
Hope this helps!
--Tech Support
FROM: jpadackles@yahoo.com.ca
TO: iBot@skynet.com
SUBJECT: Request for Technical Support
Dear Tech Support,
Thank you!!! I used the C:/I LOVE YOU command repeatedly and installed the TLC2 patch and found a marked improvement! I upgraded immediately to Husband 1.0, which I was able to purchase in Canada, and the difference is incredible. I feel we have a fully participatory interactive experience, and the device is now less resistant to user-generated content.
I recently tried out Jensen 2.0 at an event in L.A. and found improved public access. It even spontaneously initiated both Humor 2.1, Amusing Anecdote 3.4 and the Dancing subroutine. And the s.exe files just run day and night with no drop in performance!!!
Yours gratefully
J.Padalecki-Ackles