Revelations Picspam Part III
Revelations Picspam Part III is here! I hope you all enjoy!
Previously on BSG: Baltar tried to score with Laura. He failed. Tory met her fellow cylons. D'Anna wouldn't let hop-ons come to see Laura. Lee tried to negotiate. He failed. And Bill was super emo without his awesome seekrit wife.
Lee, Saul, and Bill were having a meeting about the Cylons
Lee: I don’t know what to do! The cylons won’t talk to me! They say they’re really happy having Laura around and that they don’t want to negotiate for anything! They just want to send Helo back cause he’s starting to annoy them. And they said if Baltar doesn’t quit preaching to the centurions they’ll airlock him, but apparently Laura negotiated for his safety. I'm not sure why...
Saul: Well that’s not good. *whispers*The Old Man is about ready to lose it. We need Roslin back over here ASAP or the fleet’s gonna go crazy
Bill: *is emo* When is Laura coming back?
Saul: For fraks sake Bill, pull yourself together. She's been gone like 2 hours.
Lee: Yeah Dad, cheer up. I'm here! And Kara's here, even if she is a zombie. And Col. Tigh is here and is comparatively sober! We're about as awesome as Roslin is!
Bill: *is even more emo*
Saul: Lee, shut up, that isn't helping matters. And that last part is just dumb - even I'll admit that Roslin's more awesome than most people combined.
Bill: *is still super emo*
Lee: Whatever. Look, the cylons are saying that if the rest of the final five don’t come on over they’ll start airlocking our people! And they still don't want the algae products I've offered them! I have nothing to leverage here!
Saul: *Frak me.*
So after doing a few shots to steel himself, Saul went go spill the beans to Bill
Saul: Bill I’m a super seekrit cylon
Bill: WTF fool.
Saul: No, for reals. I am. A cylon
Bill: That isn’t really funny. Can’t you see that I’m emo over Laura? I’m not in the mood.
Saul: No, seriously. This is my serious face
Bill: Shut up, you are not. Are you more drunk than usual?
Saul: No, I’m at normal levels of drunkenness. And I’m a cylon. A drunk cylon
Bill: But...your eye! Couldn’t you have like, grown another if you were a cylon?
Saul: zomgs, did you like cede all your mental capacity to Laura? That was a stupid question. And I am a cylon. A drunk, one-eyed, cylon.
Bill: But...you had hair! You aged!
Saul: Still a cylon. A special one, but still a cylon. A drunk, one-eyed, balding, aging cylon.
Bill: But you just knocked up a cylon!
Saul: Yep. Still a cylon. Haven’t you ever wondered how I didn’t drop dead from alcohol poisoning ages ago? Cylon digestive system.
Bill: Oh gods, it’s true!! No human can possibly drink that much and still function!
Saul: Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that. I’d still like our bromance to continue, but if you feel otherwise it’s cool
Bill: whhhhyyyyyyyyyy.
Saul: Oh, and I wanted to tell you that Laura’s not coming back till next week.
Bill: WHAT.
Saul: Yeah, I heard on the way over here. Apparently D’Anna set up a leadership academy/team building seminar thing and she’s making Laura run it. Sorry to dump all this on you at once. I’m gonna hand myself over to the marines. Try not to go too emo.
Bill: EMO MELTDOWN!!!!
Unlike Lee’s emo meltdowns, Bill’s are dangerous to both people and property
So Saul turned himself in and President Leeland decided to try to channel Roslin's hard-coreness and airlock Cylon Saul
Lee: HOW CAN YOU BE A CYLON?? I AM EXTREMELY INDIGNANT ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT.
Saul: Whatev Lee. I could care less what you think about me, you tool.
Lee: WHO ARE YOUR FELLOW CYLONS?
Saul: Yeah, this would be about a trillion times scarier if Roslin were saying it. And it’s Sam and Chief.
Lee: WHAT?? KARA MARRIED A CYLON INSTEAD OF ME???
Saul: Well she didn’t know it at the time for fraks sake. And Kara isn’t exactly normal herself - for all we know she’s a zombie.
Lee: I MUST GO BEHAVE CONTEMPTUOUSLY TO THE OTHER CYLONS NOW. STAY HERE AND AWAIT YOUR AIRLOCKING
Saul: Well hurry up will you! I haven’t had a drink in about half an hour and I really don’t want to be airlocked sober!
So Lee had Chief and Sam arrested and brought to the airlock. Impromptu Cylon Airlock Party!
Chief: ‘Sup
Sam: Gee thanks for outing us Tigh. Asshole
Tigh: Whatev, they were going to start offing people on the basestar. Possibly even Madam Prez
Sam: Oh, well that’s ok then. No one messes with the prez
Chief: So say we all dudes.
Tigh: My only regret is that Leemo is going to be the one to airlock me. I’d much rather have Roslin do it.
Chief: Yeah at least then we could go out with dignity.
Sam: Yeah getting personally airlocked by Roslin is like a badge of distinction.
Chief: Hey Lee! See if you can get Roslin back over here temporarily! We’d like to be airlocked by her!
Tigh: Yeah, we’ll uh, use our cylon powers to keep the airlock shut until she gets here! Magic of the final five and all!
Lee: Why didn’t I get a memo about this? I didn’t know they were magical!
Sam: WTF sir
Tigh: I'm stalling. We just need to make sure Roslin gets off the basestar. Bill might tear the damn ship up in an emo meltdown if she doesn't get back here soon. Leaving this all up to Leemo worries me.
Chief: Damn right. Remember how hardcore and awesome she was on New Caprica? This is the least we can do. Plus, Roslin won’t skimp on our airlocking ceremony. It’ll be a proper feet wide event. We’ll really go out with a bang.
Sam: That’s true. Let’s hang in there for Roslin!
Kara: zomgs WAIT!! STOP THE AIRLOCKING!!
Lee: WTF, this isn’t a wedding! I didn’t ask if anyone objected
Dee: *mutters* I wish someone had objected at our wedding...dumbest thing I've ever done...stupid fatass ex-husband
Kara: Well you should’ve doofus, cause these cylons just found us earth!
Lee: What?
Kara: I was talking with Chief and Sam, before they were arrested and all, and how crazy is it that they are cylons?, and they reminded me that I hadn’t checked the Magic Earth ship's logs super carefully yet cause I was busy painting and spazzing out and shit and then I remembered that I totally kept a blog of my trip and there’s a google map on it with directions to earth!
Lee: zomgs! Hey seekrit cylons, it’s cool! No need for an airlocking!
Lee: *calls D'Anna* So, D’Anna, if we like, show you the Earth trip blog will you let our people go?
D’Anna: Sure! Laura had already negotiated her own release and our team building seminar is finishing up, so we’ll all come on over.
Lee: Your seminar is almost done? That was fast
D'Anna: Laura is super efficient. Later!
Lee: FLEET AT LARGE: MAKE READY FOR THE CYLONS! You guys, I am the best president ever!
Kara and Dee: haha, no.
So D'Anna and a Cylon Delegation headed over to the fleet. Lee had meanwhile gone to see how much damage his Dad's emo-meltdown had caused. After assessing the damage (it was a lot), Lee got a marine squad to get to work cleaning up the place while he headed back to the hangar bay to (try to) be presidential. The Marines, angry at being treated like servants, were planning to overthrow Lee in about an hour if Laura wasn't back
Lee: So, as I am president you'll be dealing with me D'Anna
D'Anna: haha, you wish. Your reign of Stupid comes to an end in about 20 minutes
Kara: Why 20 minutes?
D'Anna: Cause we're gonna nuke you
Lee: WHAT? Ok, I'm in charge, so, uh, set the fleet to code red. Code Red!
D'Anna: Psych! Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Kara: zomgs WTF. You are psycho
Lee: Well that was hardly professional!
D'Anna: Whatev. And your presidency will be ending in about 20 minutes cause that's when Laura will be heading back over here. She just needed a few more minutes to wrap up her team building seminar.
Kara: She held a seminar that fast?
D'Anna: Yeah it was pretty amazing! We all learned so much about discretionary use of airlocks, bending people to your will politely, leading others to think that you're working with them, dealing with idiots, and fashion. It was really enlightening.
Lee: Can we get on with this while I'm still president?
D'Anna: Ugh, fine. 8, whaddya got over there?
8: This blog looks legit. There's a map and pictures and lots of squee! And Earth looks really green and blue and pretty! This is great!
Tory: Score one for the Dylan 4! Holla!
Sam: Shut up you traitor. Chief and I used our Cylon!Sense to figure guess about the blog. You were fraternizing with the enemy
Tory: I just went to be with our fellow cylons!
Saul: I'm not claiming those crazy frakkers as fellow cylons! We're way better than they are
Chief: For reals. We're probably gonna vote you out of the cylon club Tory.
Tory: Frak you! I don't need any of you assholes!
Sam: Good, go stand somewhere else then
Tory: Fine, I will
Sam: Good, you do that
Tory: Well I will
Saul: zomgs, shut up you two.
Lee: So D'Anna, how about we all head to Earth together and like cooperate and stuff? Sound good?
D'Anna: zomg, I should have brought Laura back with me. And yeah, we can all go to Earth and we cylons agree not to blow you all up
D'Anna: One condition though: Absolutely no hop-ons. We dealt with enough hop-on shenanigans on New Caprica. Hybrid on a cracker! (ETA: D'Anna was attempting to challenging Laura's awesome by using her phraseology)
The Cavils, Simons, and Dorals cannot tag along to Earth
Lee: Deal! Wow, I negotiated my first deal as president!
8: You didn't so much negotiate as agree to whatever D'Anna told you
Lee: Shh, you're ruining it for me
D'Anna: Good grief.
Next Time on BSG: Laura makes her triumphant return. Bill gets back to admiralling. The Fleet has a party. The CIC Fangirls get something to squee about. And everyone rants about the most ironically craptacular plot development of all time
Previously on BSG: Baltar tried to score with Laura. He failed. Tory met her fellow cylons. D'Anna wouldn't let hop-ons come to see Laura. Lee tried to negotiate. He failed. And Bill was super emo without his awesome seekrit wife.
Lee, Saul, and Bill were having a meeting about the Cylons
Lee: I don’t know what to do! The cylons won’t talk to me! They say they’re really happy having Laura around and that they don’t want to negotiate for anything! They just want to send Helo back cause he’s starting to annoy them. And they said if Baltar doesn’t quit preaching to the centurions they’ll airlock him, but apparently Laura negotiated for his safety. I'm not sure why...
Saul: Well that’s not good. *whispers*The Old Man is about ready to lose it. We need Roslin back over here ASAP or the fleet’s gonna go crazy
Bill: *is emo* When is Laura coming back?
Saul: For fraks sake Bill, pull yourself together. She's been gone like 2 hours.
Lee: Yeah Dad, cheer up. I'm here! And Kara's here, even if she is a zombie. And Col. Tigh is here and is comparatively sober! We're about as awesome as Roslin is!
Bill: *is even more emo*
Saul: Lee, shut up, that isn't helping matters. And that last part is just dumb - even I'll admit that Roslin's more awesome than most people combined.
Bill: *is still super emo*
Lee: Whatever. Look, the cylons are saying that if the rest of the final five don’t come on over they’ll start airlocking our people! And they still don't want the algae products I've offered them! I have nothing to leverage here!
Saul: *Frak me.*
So after doing a few shots to steel himself, Saul went go spill the beans to Bill
Saul: Bill I’m a super seekrit cylon
Bill: WTF fool.
Saul: No, for reals. I am. A cylon
Bill: That isn’t really funny. Can’t you see that I’m emo over Laura? I’m not in the mood.
Saul: No, seriously. This is my serious face
Bill: Shut up, you are not. Are you more drunk than usual?
Saul: No, I’m at normal levels of drunkenness. And I’m a cylon. A drunk cylon
Bill: But...your eye! Couldn’t you have like, grown another if you were a cylon?
Saul: zomgs, did you like cede all your mental capacity to Laura? That was a stupid question. And I am a cylon. A drunk, one-eyed, cylon.
Bill: But...you had hair! You aged!
Saul: Still a cylon. A special one, but still a cylon. A drunk, one-eyed, balding, aging cylon.
Bill: But you just knocked up a cylon!
Saul: Yep. Still a cylon. Haven’t you ever wondered how I didn’t drop dead from alcohol poisoning ages ago? Cylon digestive system.
Bill: Oh gods, it’s true!! No human can possibly drink that much and still function!
Saul: Yeah. Sorry ‘bout that. I’d still like our bromance to continue, but if you feel otherwise it’s cool
Bill: whhhhyyyyyyyyyy.
Saul: Oh, and I wanted to tell you that Laura’s not coming back till next week.
Bill: WHAT.
Saul: Yeah, I heard on the way over here. Apparently D’Anna set up a leadership academy/team building seminar thing and she’s making Laura run it. Sorry to dump all this on you at once. I’m gonna hand myself over to the marines. Try not to go too emo.
Bill: EMO MELTDOWN!!!!
Unlike Lee’s emo meltdowns, Bill’s are dangerous to both people and property
So Saul turned himself in and President Leeland decided to try to channel Roslin's hard-coreness and airlock Cylon Saul
Lee: HOW CAN YOU BE A CYLON?? I AM EXTREMELY INDIGNANT ABOUT THIS DEVELOPMENT.
Saul: Whatev Lee. I could care less what you think about me, you tool.
Lee: WHO ARE YOUR FELLOW CYLONS?
Saul: Yeah, this would be about a trillion times scarier if Roslin were saying it. And it’s Sam and Chief.
Lee: WHAT?? KARA MARRIED A CYLON INSTEAD OF ME???
Saul: Well she didn’t know it at the time for fraks sake. And Kara isn’t exactly normal herself - for all we know she’s a zombie.
Lee: I MUST GO BEHAVE CONTEMPTUOUSLY TO THE OTHER CYLONS NOW. STAY HERE AND AWAIT YOUR AIRLOCKING
Saul: Well hurry up will you! I haven’t had a drink in about half an hour and I really don’t want to be airlocked sober!
So Lee had Chief and Sam arrested and brought to the airlock. Impromptu Cylon Airlock Party!
Chief: ‘Sup
Sam: Gee thanks for outing us Tigh. Asshole
Tigh: Whatev, they were going to start offing people on the basestar. Possibly even Madam Prez
Sam: Oh, well that’s ok then. No one messes with the prez
Chief: So say we all dudes.
Tigh: My only regret is that Leemo is going to be the one to airlock me. I’d much rather have Roslin do it.
Chief: Yeah at least then we could go out with dignity.
Sam: Yeah getting personally airlocked by Roslin is like a badge of distinction.
Chief: Hey Lee! See if you can get Roslin back over here temporarily! We’d like to be airlocked by her!
Tigh: Yeah, we’ll uh, use our cylon powers to keep the airlock shut until she gets here! Magic of the final five and all!
Lee: Why didn’t I get a memo about this? I didn’t know they were magical!
Sam: WTF sir
Tigh: I'm stalling. We just need to make sure Roslin gets off the basestar. Bill might tear the damn ship up in an emo meltdown if she doesn't get back here soon. Leaving this all up to Leemo worries me.
Chief: Damn right. Remember how hardcore and awesome she was on New Caprica? This is the least we can do. Plus, Roslin won’t skimp on our airlocking ceremony. It’ll be a proper feet wide event. We’ll really go out with a bang.
Sam: That’s true. Let’s hang in there for Roslin!
Kara: zomgs WAIT!! STOP THE AIRLOCKING!!
Lee: WTF, this isn’t a wedding! I didn’t ask if anyone objected
Dee: *mutters* I wish someone had objected at our wedding...dumbest thing I've ever done...stupid fatass ex-husband
Kara: Well you should’ve doofus, cause these cylons just found us earth!
Lee: What?
Kara: I was talking with Chief and Sam, before they were arrested and all, and how crazy is it that they are cylons?, and they reminded me that I hadn’t checked the Magic Earth ship's logs super carefully yet cause I was busy painting and spazzing out and shit and then I remembered that I totally kept a blog of my trip and there’s a google map on it with directions to earth!
Lee: zomgs! Hey seekrit cylons, it’s cool! No need for an airlocking!
Lee: *calls D'Anna* So, D’Anna, if we like, show you the Earth trip blog will you let our people go?
D’Anna: Sure! Laura had already negotiated her own release and our team building seminar is finishing up, so we’ll all come on over.
Lee: Your seminar is almost done? That was fast
D'Anna: Laura is super efficient. Later!
Lee: FLEET AT LARGE: MAKE READY FOR THE CYLONS! You guys, I am the best president ever!
Kara and Dee: haha, no.
So D'Anna and a Cylon Delegation headed over to the fleet. Lee had meanwhile gone to see how much damage his Dad's emo-meltdown had caused. After assessing the damage (it was a lot), Lee got a marine squad to get to work cleaning up the place while he headed back to the hangar bay to (try to) be presidential. The Marines, angry at being treated like servants, were planning to overthrow Lee in about an hour if Laura wasn't back
Lee: So, as I am president you'll be dealing with me D'Anna
D'Anna: haha, you wish. Your reign of Stupid comes to an end in about 20 minutes
Kara: Why 20 minutes?
D'Anna: Cause we're gonna nuke you
Lee: WHAT? Ok, I'm in charge, so, uh, set the fleet to code red. Code Red!
D'Anna: Psych! Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Kara: zomgs WTF. You are psycho
Lee: Well that was hardly professional!
D'Anna: Whatev. And your presidency will be ending in about 20 minutes cause that's when Laura will be heading back over here. She just needed a few more minutes to wrap up her team building seminar.
Kara: She held a seminar that fast?
D'Anna: Yeah it was pretty amazing! We all learned so much about discretionary use of airlocks, bending people to your will politely, leading others to think that you're working with them, dealing with idiots, and fashion. It was really enlightening.
Lee: Can we get on with this while I'm still president?
D'Anna: Ugh, fine. 8, whaddya got over there?
8: This blog looks legit. There's a map and pictures and lots of squee! And Earth looks really green and blue and pretty! This is great!
Tory: Score one for the Dylan 4! Holla!
Sam: Shut up you traitor. Chief and I used our Cylon!Sense to figure guess about the blog. You were fraternizing with the enemy
Tory: I just went to be with our fellow cylons!
Saul: I'm not claiming those crazy frakkers as fellow cylons! We're way better than they are
Chief: For reals. We're probably gonna vote you out of the cylon club Tory.
Tory: Frak you! I don't need any of you assholes!
Sam: Good, go stand somewhere else then
Tory: Fine, I will
Sam: Good, you do that
Tory: Well I will
Saul: zomgs, shut up you two.
Lee: So D'Anna, how about we all head to Earth together and like cooperate and stuff? Sound good?
D'Anna: zomg, I should have brought Laura back with me. And yeah, we can all go to Earth and we cylons agree not to blow you all up
D'Anna: One condition though: Absolutely no hop-ons. We dealt with enough hop-on shenanigans on New Caprica. Hybrid on a cracker! (ETA: D'Anna was attempting to challenging Laura's awesome by using her phraseology)
The Cavils, Simons, and Dorals cannot tag along to Earth
Lee: Deal! Wow, I negotiated my first deal as president!
8: You didn't so much negotiate as agree to whatever D'Anna told you
Lee: Shh, you're ruining it for me
D'Anna: Good grief.
Next Time on BSG: Laura makes her triumphant return. Bill gets back to admiralling. The Fleet has a party. The CIC Fangirls get something to squee about. And everyone rants about the most ironically craptacular plot development of all time