Colonial Day Picspam Part IV
Here's the finale of my Colonial Day crackspam. Thanks for reading and I hope you all enjoy the last part, where Bill finally shows back up in non-flashback form, and the Twinkly Lights are found. Which hopefully will not be lame. Anywho, on with the show!
Oh, and I'd like to offer my sincere apologies to Abraham Lincoln and Jane Austen. You'll see why.
Previously on BSG: Lee and Kara got into a bar fight. Lee really needed a career counselor. Laura still needed immediate access to an airlock. Bill was AWOL, waiting for his face to heal, though he did appear in Flashback!Form. And Lee inadvertently started the Ship Wars. Good job, Lee. And now, for the finale of Colonial Day.
Flashback as to why Lee had to quit strategizing!
Lee: Damn my arms are hot.
Saul: Gods dammit Lee, I wanted to wear my tank tops today and now you’re making me feel inadequate!
Kara: *Don’t look at Lee’s arms, don’t look at Lee’s arms. Dammit. I looked. And they are hot. Dammit.*
Bill: This is boring. I’m bored.
Lee: Don’t I look fabulously chiseled in this lighting?
Bill: Son, I’ve told you to let the male model thing go. The dream is dead. Move on. It was stupid anyway.
Lee: Don’t make me give up my dream!!
Bill: I would have disowned you if you had become one. No son of mine was going to be an underwear model.
Lee: You just don't understand!
Saul: Can we PLEASE get on with this? My blood alcohol levels are getting dangerously low.
Lee: Yipes. Ok, so my plan is simple. We send these three vipers over to the Cylon Base but in DISGUISE! They’ll have like, wigs and crap. And they’ll trick the Cylons into letting them in, and then they’ll plant some bombs and blow the whole place up!
*The fleet still had a competent wig maker since the owner of the Caprica branch of Sydney’s Wig Shop and Spy Emporium survived the attacks. Alas materials like hot pink synthetic fibers were in short supply, so the wigs were all pretty boring. This individual made Laura’s functional and Cain-esque wig of sorrow and woe in season 4.
Kara: Uh, my plan involves decoys but they won’t need wigs.
Bill: You win. Let’s present this to Laura, er, President Roslin.
Saul: heh. Starting to slip up there Bill.
Bill: Shut it.
Lee: But I want to present my awesome plan too!!
Bill: FINE, we’ll let La... the President pick.
Saul: hahaha.
Bill: shut up already!
Kara: *why is he so pretty, yet so dimwitted? It isn't fair!*
Later Lee and Kara presented their ideas to Laura.
Lee: Oh, I forgot to mention that my plan would involve costumes too!
Laura: Uh... I feel like Lt. Thrace’s plan would be less.... problematic. But, um, points for creativity Lee.
Lee: Thanks space!mommy!
Kara: haha, I still win though
Lee: Whatever, I'm creative
Kara: Yeah, and you still lost
Laura: Don't make me ground you two
Bill: You can't ground my two best pilots!
Laura: No, I meant grounded as in they can't go out at night and lose their phone privileges
Lee and Kara: aww, don't ground us! We'll be good now!
Bill: Good grief
Laura: Anyway, I have to go have a meeting now, so peace out Lee.
Lee: Can I have a hug before you go?
Laura: FINE.
Over on Cloud 9, Ellen was gearing up for Happy Hour
Ellen: So you’re a BARTENDER? Marry me
Zarek: Aren't you already married?
Ellen: Technicality
Zarek: Well, bartending helps me to commune with the people. And to influence them. Whilst they are drunk. Good plan no?
Ellen: haha, it sure is!
Zarek: Here have some more ambrosia. So how would you feel about humiliating Laura at the big dance?
Ellen: Like with a bunch of paint or something?
Zarek: Too obvious?
Ellen: Well you're running VP right? Just make her victory dance with you when you win. It'll be all awkward for her.
Zarek: GENIUS. I’ll be prom king to her prom queen! And then we’ll fall in lurve after disguising our passion by fighting all the time
Ellen: Well if that’s the case then she’s already well on her way to falling for the commander!
Zarek: Don’t rain on my parade bitch
Ellen: Don’t turn me into your third wheel, asshole.
Zarek: Touche
Ellen: Indeed bb.
Back on Colonial One Laura and her Galactica Posse were having a meeting
Saul: Why the frak am I even in this meeting?
Lee: We need to discuss fleet security!
Saul: Since when are you in charge of security?
Laura: He’s career shopping after I told him he couldn’t be the veep.
Saul: I’m liking you more and more
Laura: hush I’m trying to listen to this!
Baltar, aided by Head!Six was speechifying on Cloud 9. Head!Six had ripped this entire speech off from a Head!Google search and was now feeding Baltar his lines.
Baltar: "Fourscore and uh many years ago our ancestors brought forth from Kobol 12 new Colonies, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great war with crazy killer robots, testing whether our Colonies or any Colonies so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.
Playa: Ugh, he's getting his germs all over that microphone. Quit making out with it!
Laura: This is suspiciously good.
*Laura's Teacher Radar always alerted her to potential plagiarism
Baltar: ... and that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have been blown up in vain, that these Colonies under the Gods shall have a new birth of freedom on Earth, and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the galaxy.
Six: Good job bb!
Baltar: Go me!
Lee: Wow, Baltar was actually... articulate for once
Laura: You don’t think that could’ve been plagiarized do you? Anyone?
Saul: Sounded genuine enough to me. *no one had as of yet heard the colonel give a press conference or else they would have been more inclined to dismiss this opinion*
Laura: Oh, frak me. I’m gonna have to ask him to be my VP now.
Lee: But what about meeee?
Laura: Lookit Lee, you can’t be my VP because ... the commander wouldn’t like it! Yeah.
Lee: My dad ruins EVERYTHING
Saul: Hey, watch it lady
Laura: Bill can deal with his emo-ass better than I can so back off
Saul: Oh, on a first name basis now are we?
Laura: .... I meant the Commander
Saul: heh
Billy: But seriously, ma’am, Baltar of all people? He's a gigantic tool!
Laura: *lightbulb goes off* I’m playing politics dear. He’s popular and he’s stupid. We’ll just let him think he’s doing important things and just ignore him.
Billy: Genius plan space!mommy
Laura: Yes, it is rather. Unfortunately it involves actually SPEAKING to the man.
But first, Laura had to break things off with Wally
Laura: Wally, I don’t know how to tell you this. But let me try: I’m going to ask Baltar to be my veep cause he’s really popular.
Wally: But, but...I thought you were nice! You can’t throw me over for the popular guy!
Laura: Well, I just did. Politics bb. Plus, I’m super hardcore.
Wally: You used to be nicer! We had a special connection! I think the power has gone to your head!
Laura: Yeah, whatever. If our connection is so special you know what I'm about to do now right?
Wally: What?
Laura: Tell you to go away. I'm demoting you to the mail room for being obnoxious.
Laura: Seriously, it’s like a pandemic of idiocy around here!
Laura's Day of Unfortunate Tasks continued as she then went to speak to Dr. Baltar
Guard: All clear ma’am!
Laura: *peeks around corner* You sure he’s in here?
Guard: Yes, ma’am, we cornered him just like you asked
Laura: In a bathroom?
Guard: You said you wanted to talk to him ASAP!
Laura: Remind me to go over the differences between literal and figurative speech at our next staff meeting.
Laura: Er, Dr. Baltar?
Baltar: *yelps* Uh, madam president!
Laura: For frak's sake man, zip up BEFORE you leave the stall
Baltar: What can I do for you Madam President?
Laura: Well you can stop grinning at me maniacally for one thing. I need to speak with you about something important
Baltar: ORLY? Well, I don’t have my usual equipment here, but I suppose we can make do
Laura: Uh, What?
Baltar: You’re here to discuss our...relationship...right?
Laura: NO. I’m here to ask you to be my VP. Your speech was good today, and while I’m sure you somehow cheated I need someone who can at least sound intelligent right now. Can’t really afford to be picky at the moment what with Tom lurking on the sidelines. The moron. So what do you say?
Baltar: Well, would we be able to pedeconference importantly and have inspirational moments together?
Laura: Is that code for something disgusting? Are you hitting on me?
Baltar: No. I was. Not at the moment though, no. Well a little. Maybe. Yes.
Laura: zomgs. Look, we can pace around Colonial One to your hearts content if you want. Just like on TV. I just need someone who’s popular to work with right now.
Baltar: Hooray! I accept the job. I won’t let you down Laura, You’ll totally learn to love me!
Laura: Yeah, super. Gods, my life sucks. Oh and Baltar your first task can be to find me the Twinkly Lights of Festivity. I really need them for the party. (Lo! Baltar is totally the Epic Tool of Prophecy!)
Baltar: You can count on me!
Laura: Ugh, whatever. Oh and tell Playa hello.
Baltar: *she has supernatural abilities! zomgs!*
So Baltar paid a visit to Galactica in the hopes of pawning his first task off on someone else.
Baltar: Hello Commander
Bill: What do you want fool? And quit snooping around.
*Bill was drowning his sorrows in his quarters. He was super depressed that he hadn't seen Laura in days. DAYS. And he was starting to feel less confident about his plan to accost her at the dance. He still needed a grand gesture of sorts. Most of Bill's ideas on how to be Romantic were derived from movie adaptations of Lane Boston novels like Reason and Romanticism, Arrogance and Aversion, Westover Abbey, and Convincing. Saul insisted that the ladies loved that crap.
Baltar: That's Mr. Vice President Fool to you.
Bill: Seriously? Is Laura crazy?
Baltar: Crazy for me!
Bill: airlock airlock airlock
Baltar: *gulps* Anywho, my first official task is to find her some twinkly lights for the party. Know where I can get some?
Bill: Laura wants these? I’ll work on it. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, now go away.
Thanks to the Epic Tool of Prophecy, Bill now had his very own Epic Quest to go on. The Twinkly Lights would make a perfect romantic gesture!
So Bill sent out his minions to scour the fleet and at last they came back with a lead.
Dee: Sir, the marines are ready to go in for those lights you wanted
Bill: Twinkly Lights! Get it right
Dee: Um, whatev. They're on the line waiting for your signal
Bill: Super. Laura will totally fr..er, dance with me now.
Dee: Uh, are marines really necessary for some lights?
Bill: Twinkly Lights! And yes, they are. They guy who has them is shifty
Dee: It's just some guy from Virgon
Bill: Exactly
Marines: Sir we are hereby confiscating your Twinkly Lights on behalf of the Colonial Government
Virgon Guy: No! Not my Twinkly Lights! It isn't fair!
Marine: Sir, the President wants them. And what the President wants, the President gets
Virgon Guy: But I got these to make my room look festive! I thought people would come to visit me!
Marine: Did they?
Virgon Guy: Well, no not yet. I just got them though! Some blonde lady sold them to me when she moved off the Rising Star to Galactica.
Explanatory Flashback!
Ellen: Ok, so these lights are all yours. Now cough up the ambrosia
Virgon Guy: You sure you won't miss these? They're so... twinkly!
Ellen: Trust me bb, my husband will prefer the alcohol.
Virgon Guy: Well, ok then. These will look great in my quarters!
Marine: Sir, stand aside. Do you want the president to be sad? She really wants the Twinkly Lights for her rocking party
Virgon Guy: Well, no. I guess if it's for the president...
Marine: Well done sir
Virgon Guy: *sniff* I shall miss you, Twinkly Lights! You'll have a good home with the president though!
Marine: Sir, the Twinkly Lights are in our possession. Mission accomplished
Bill: Excellent. Dee, patch me through to Billy so he can come pick them up.
Over on Cloud 9, Billy delivered the news to the president
Billy: Ma'am, the Twinkly Lights have been found!
Laura: Really? That's fantastic! Now if this prophecy holds up I will totally be seeing some action soon! Still ignoring that whole dying bit. Yeah.
Billy: Me too. But what sort of action ma'am?
Laura: Uh... don't you have a memo to write? I have to go yell at the quorum again. The Picon delegate has been rambling for half an hour.
Billy: I'm all set to record the upcoming zingers!
And in her haste to leave, Laura forgot to ask Billy who found the Twinkly Lights
Later that night the Twinkly Lights of Festivity were a huge hit at Laura's Colonial Day Party
Laura: Well I know you’d all rather celebrate me, but let’s be nice and give it up for Gaius Baltar, the new Vice President!
Baltar: Oh yeah, I am awesome. Woo hoo!
Why hello ladies, care to join my harem? Power is sexy!
Tom: So, Laura why don’t we bury the hatchet with a dance?
Laura: No
Tom: Come on, you know you really like me.
Laura: Dream on.
Tom: You still have to see me in quorum every day.
Laura: We won’t be convening that often if I can help it.
Saul and Ellen had already hit the dance floor after tossing back a few, as per usual.
Ellen: These lights look familiar
Saul: The Twinkly Lights? Some dude from Virgon had them and Roslin confiscated them or something. Oh, look! Bill's about to make a move finally.
Ellen: So these lights must be valuable? Hm....
ETA: Methinks I sense a sequel coming on!
Laura was beginning to think that Pythia was a stupid fraud (partially true Laura!) and that the Twinkly Lights were useless. But then...
Bill: Hello, Madam President
Laura: Oh, hi Commander. Fancy seeing you here
Bill: Yeah about that
Laura: So you aren’t big on dances are you?
Bill: What makes you say that?
Laura: Well, you look less than thrilled to be here
Bill: This is how I always look
Laura: Ah. Right. So...
Bill: Baltar huh?
Laura: meh, I figured he’s easy enough to handle. I’ll let him do ribbon cutting things every now and then.
Bill: heh. Not too shabby for a school teacher
Laura: Watch it buster. Haven’t you realized by now that dealing with children is the perfect preparation for dealing with lots of bratty politicians?
Bill: Touche. So, you want to dance?
Laura: Seriously?
Bill: Well you can’t just sit here all evening. Actually, that’s what I’d called about before
Laura: To see if I was gonna sit here all evening?
Bill: No, to see if you’d dance with me tonight. Still haven’t answered my question
Laura: Um, ok. Sure. *inner squeee*
Bill: *score!*
Bill: By the way, how did you manage to avoid dancing with your new vice president? I thought that was a given
Laura: I have my ways
Kara: *This frakking sucks. I’m gonna need more ambrosia to deal with this. Though at least Lee is super jealous, so I might have to keep this up. And at least Laura scored this awesome dress for me since I’m doing her a solid.*
Laura: smirk
Laura: So, commander, how is the new batch of nuggets doing? Am I getting the lingo right?
Bill: Marry me
Laura: haha, good one.
Bill: *awkward* Er, the Twinkly Lights look nice and festive
Laura: Oh they do don’t they? I was so happy when Billy told me someone had tracked them down and confiscated them for the Colonial Government
Bill: Yeah, that idiot from Virgon had them in his quarters to make them more festive.
Laura: Wait, YOU found them?
Bill: Well I heard you wanted them so...
Laura: Marry me!
Bill: Uh...
Laura: *awkward laughter* Er...
And that’s the story of Laura and Bill’s first date and the Twinkly Lights of Festivity! I hope you all enjoyed!
Oh, and I'd like to offer my sincere apologies to Abraham Lincoln and Jane Austen. You'll see why.
Previously on BSG: Lee and Kara got into a bar fight. Lee really needed a career counselor. Laura still needed immediate access to an airlock. Bill was AWOL, waiting for his face to heal, though he did appear in Flashback!Form. And Lee inadvertently started the Ship Wars. Good job, Lee. And now, for the finale of Colonial Day.
Flashback as to why Lee had to quit strategizing!
Lee: Damn my arms are hot.
Saul: Gods dammit Lee, I wanted to wear my tank tops today and now you’re making me feel inadequate!
Kara: *Don’t look at Lee’s arms, don’t look at Lee’s arms. Dammit. I looked. And they are hot. Dammit.*
Bill: This is boring. I’m bored.
Lee: Don’t I look fabulously chiseled in this lighting?
Bill: Son, I’ve told you to let the male model thing go. The dream is dead. Move on. It was stupid anyway.
Lee: Don’t make me give up my dream!!
Bill: I would have disowned you if you had become one. No son of mine was going to be an underwear model.
Lee: You just don't understand!
Saul: Can we PLEASE get on with this? My blood alcohol levels are getting dangerously low.
Lee: Yipes. Ok, so my plan is simple. We send these three vipers over to the Cylon Base but in DISGUISE! They’ll have like, wigs and crap. And they’ll trick the Cylons into letting them in, and then they’ll plant some bombs and blow the whole place up!
*The fleet still had a competent wig maker since the owner of the Caprica branch of Sydney’s Wig Shop and Spy Emporium survived the attacks. Alas materials like hot pink synthetic fibers were in short supply, so the wigs were all pretty boring. This individual made Laura’s functional and Cain-esque wig of sorrow and woe in season 4.
Kara: Uh, my plan involves decoys but they won’t need wigs.
Bill: You win. Let’s present this to Laura, er, President Roslin.
Saul: heh. Starting to slip up there Bill.
Bill: Shut it.
Lee: But I want to present my awesome plan too!!
Bill: FINE, we’ll let La... the President pick.
Saul: hahaha.
Bill: shut up already!
Kara: *why is he so pretty, yet so dimwitted? It isn't fair!*
Later Lee and Kara presented their ideas to Laura.
Lee: Oh, I forgot to mention that my plan would involve costumes too!
Laura: Uh... I feel like Lt. Thrace’s plan would be less.... problematic. But, um, points for creativity Lee.
Lee: Thanks space!mommy!
Kara: haha, I still win though
Lee: Whatever, I'm creative
Kara: Yeah, and you still lost
Laura: Don't make me ground you two
Bill: You can't ground my two best pilots!
Laura: No, I meant grounded as in they can't go out at night and lose their phone privileges
Lee and Kara: aww, don't ground us! We'll be good now!
Bill: Good grief
Laura: Anyway, I have to go have a meeting now, so peace out Lee.
Lee: Can I have a hug before you go?
Laura: FINE.
Over on Cloud 9, Ellen was gearing up for Happy Hour
Ellen: So you’re a BARTENDER? Marry me
Zarek: Aren't you already married?
Ellen: Technicality
Zarek: Well, bartending helps me to commune with the people. And to influence them. Whilst they are drunk. Good plan no?
Ellen: haha, it sure is!
Zarek: Here have some more ambrosia. So how would you feel about humiliating Laura at the big dance?
Ellen: Like with a bunch of paint or something?
Zarek: Too obvious?
Ellen: Well you're running VP right? Just make her victory dance with you when you win. It'll be all awkward for her.
Zarek: GENIUS. I’ll be prom king to her prom queen! And then we’ll fall in lurve after disguising our passion by fighting all the time
Ellen: Well if that’s the case then she’s already well on her way to falling for the commander!
Zarek: Don’t rain on my parade bitch
Ellen: Don’t turn me into your third wheel, asshole.
Zarek: Touche
Ellen: Indeed bb.
Back on Colonial One Laura and her Galactica Posse were having a meeting
Saul: Why the frak am I even in this meeting?
Lee: We need to discuss fleet security!
Saul: Since when are you in charge of security?
Laura: He’s career shopping after I told him he couldn’t be the veep.
Saul: I’m liking you more and more
Laura: hush I’m trying to listen to this!
Baltar, aided by Head!Six was speechifying on Cloud 9. Head!Six had ripped this entire speech off from a Head!Google search and was now feeding Baltar his lines.
Baltar: "Fourscore and uh many years ago our ancestors brought forth from Kobol 12 new Colonies, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all people are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great war with crazy killer robots, testing whether our Colonies or any Colonies so conceived and so dedicated can long endure.
Playa: Ugh, he's getting his germs all over that microphone. Quit making out with it!
Laura: This is suspiciously good.
*Laura's Teacher Radar always alerted her to potential plagiarism
Baltar: ... and that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have been blown up in vain, that these Colonies under the Gods shall have a new birth of freedom on Earth, and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people shall not perish from the galaxy.
Six: Good job bb!
Baltar: Go me!
Lee: Wow, Baltar was actually... articulate for once
Laura: You don’t think that could’ve been plagiarized do you? Anyone?
Saul: Sounded genuine enough to me. *no one had as of yet heard the colonel give a press conference or else they would have been more inclined to dismiss this opinion*
Laura: Oh, frak me. I’m gonna have to ask him to be my VP now.
Lee: But what about meeee?
Laura: Lookit Lee, you can’t be my VP because ... the commander wouldn’t like it! Yeah.
Lee: My dad ruins EVERYTHING
Saul: Hey, watch it lady
Laura: Bill can deal with his emo-ass better than I can so back off
Saul: Oh, on a first name basis now are we?
Laura: .... I meant the Commander
Saul: heh
Billy: But seriously, ma’am, Baltar of all people? He's a gigantic tool!
Laura: *lightbulb goes off* I’m playing politics dear. He’s popular and he’s stupid. We’ll just let him think he’s doing important things and just ignore him.
Billy: Genius plan space!mommy
Laura: Yes, it is rather. Unfortunately it involves actually SPEAKING to the man.
But first, Laura had to break things off with Wally
Laura: Wally, I don’t know how to tell you this. But let me try: I’m going to ask Baltar to be my veep cause he’s really popular.
Wally: But, but...I thought you were nice! You can’t throw me over for the popular guy!
Laura: Well, I just did. Politics bb. Plus, I’m super hardcore.
Wally: You used to be nicer! We had a special connection! I think the power has gone to your head!
Laura: Yeah, whatever. If our connection is so special you know what I'm about to do now right?
Wally: What?
Laura: Tell you to go away. I'm demoting you to the mail room for being obnoxious.
Laura: Seriously, it’s like a pandemic of idiocy around here!
Laura's Day of Unfortunate Tasks continued as she then went to speak to Dr. Baltar
Guard: All clear ma’am!
Laura: *peeks around corner* You sure he’s in here?
Guard: Yes, ma’am, we cornered him just like you asked
Laura: In a bathroom?
Guard: You said you wanted to talk to him ASAP!
Laura: Remind me to go over the differences between literal and figurative speech at our next staff meeting.
Laura: Er, Dr. Baltar?
Baltar: *yelps* Uh, madam president!
Laura: For frak's sake man, zip up BEFORE you leave the stall
Baltar: What can I do for you Madam President?
Laura: Well you can stop grinning at me maniacally for one thing. I need to speak with you about something important
Baltar: ORLY? Well, I don’t have my usual equipment here, but I suppose we can make do
Laura: Uh, What?
Baltar: You’re here to discuss our...relationship...right?
Laura: NO. I’m here to ask you to be my VP. Your speech was good today, and while I’m sure you somehow cheated I need someone who can at least sound intelligent right now. Can’t really afford to be picky at the moment what with Tom lurking on the sidelines. The moron. So what do you say?
Baltar: Well, would we be able to pedeconference importantly and have inspirational moments together?
Laura: Is that code for something disgusting? Are you hitting on me?
Baltar: No. I was. Not at the moment though, no. Well a little. Maybe. Yes.
Laura: zomgs. Look, we can pace around Colonial One to your hearts content if you want. Just like on TV. I just need someone who’s popular to work with right now.
Baltar: Hooray! I accept the job. I won’t let you down Laura, You’ll totally learn to love me!
Laura: Yeah, super. Gods, my life sucks. Oh and Baltar your first task can be to find me the Twinkly Lights of Festivity. I really need them for the party. (Lo! Baltar is totally the Epic Tool of Prophecy!)
Baltar: You can count on me!
Laura: Ugh, whatever. Oh and tell Playa hello.
Baltar: *she has supernatural abilities! zomgs!*
So Baltar paid a visit to Galactica in the hopes of pawning his first task off on someone else.
Baltar: Hello Commander
Bill: What do you want fool? And quit snooping around.
*Bill was drowning his sorrows in his quarters. He was super depressed that he hadn't seen Laura in days. DAYS. And he was starting to feel less confident about his plan to accost her at the dance. He still needed a grand gesture of sorts. Most of Bill's ideas on how to be Romantic were derived from movie adaptations of Lane Boston novels like Reason and Romanticism, Arrogance and Aversion, Westover Abbey, and Convincing. Saul insisted that the ladies loved that crap.
Baltar: That's Mr. Vice President Fool to you.
Bill: Seriously? Is Laura crazy?
Baltar: Crazy for me!
Bill: airlock airlock airlock
Baltar: *gulps* Anywho, my first official task is to find her some twinkly lights for the party. Know where I can get some?
Bill: Laura wants these? I’ll work on it. Thanks for bringing it to my attention, now go away.
Thanks to the Epic Tool of Prophecy, Bill now had his very own Epic Quest to go on. The Twinkly Lights would make a perfect romantic gesture!
So Bill sent out his minions to scour the fleet and at last they came back with a lead.
Dee: Sir, the marines are ready to go in for those lights you wanted
Bill: Twinkly Lights! Get it right
Dee: Um, whatev. They're on the line waiting for your signal
Bill: Super. Laura will totally fr..er, dance with me now.
Dee: Uh, are marines really necessary for some lights?
Bill: Twinkly Lights! And yes, they are. They guy who has them is shifty
Dee: It's just some guy from Virgon
Bill: Exactly
Marines: Sir we are hereby confiscating your Twinkly Lights on behalf of the Colonial Government
Virgon Guy: No! Not my Twinkly Lights! It isn't fair!
Marine: Sir, the President wants them. And what the President wants, the President gets
Virgon Guy: But I got these to make my room look festive! I thought people would come to visit me!
Marine: Did they?
Virgon Guy: Well, no not yet. I just got them though! Some blonde lady sold them to me when she moved off the Rising Star to Galactica.
Explanatory Flashback!
Ellen: Ok, so these lights are all yours. Now cough up the ambrosia
Virgon Guy: You sure you won't miss these? They're so... twinkly!
Ellen: Trust me bb, my husband will prefer the alcohol.
Virgon Guy: Well, ok then. These will look great in my quarters!
Marine: Sir, stand aside. Do you want the president to be sad? She really wants the Twinkly Lights for her rocking party
Virgon Guy: Well, no. I guess if it's for the president...
Marine: Well done sir
Virgon Guy: *sniff* I shall miss you, Twinkly Lights! You'll have a good home with the president though!
Marine: Sir, the Twinkly Lights are in our possession. Mission accomplished
Bill: Excellent. Dee, patch me through to Billy so he can come pick them up.
Over on Cloud 9, Billy delivered the news to the president
Billy: Ma'am, the Twinkly Lights have been found!
Laura: Really? That's fantastic! Now if this prophecy holds up I will totally be seeing some action soon! Still ignoring that whole dying bit. Yeah.
Billy: Me too. But what sort of action ma'am?
Laura: Uh... don't you have a memo to write? I have to go yell at the quorum again. The Picon delegate has been rambling for half an hour.
Billy: I'm all set to record the upcoming zingers!
And in her haste to leave, Laura forgot to ask Billy who found the Twinkly Lights
Later that night the Twinkly Lights of Festivity were a huge hit at Laura's Colonial Day Party
Laura: Well I know you’d all rather celebrate me, but let’s be nice and give it up for Gaius Baltar, the new Vice President!
Baltar: Oh yeah, I am awesome. Woo hoo!
Why hello ladies, care to join my harem? Power is sexy!
Tom: So, Laura why don’t we bury the hatchet with a dance?
Laura: No
Tom: Come on, you know you really like me.
Laura: Dream on.
Tom: You still have to see me in quorum every day.
Laura: We won’t be convening that often if I can help it.
Saul and Ellen had already hit the dance floor after tossing back a few, as per usual.
Ellen: These lights look familiar
Saul: The Twinkly Lights? Some dude from Virgon had them and Roslin confiscated them or something. Oh, look! Bill's about to make a move finally.
Ellen: So these lights must be valuable? Hm....
ETA: Methinks I sense a sequel coming on!
Laura was beginning to think that Pythia was a stupid fraud (partially true Laura!) and that the Twinkly Lights were useless. But then...
Bill: Hello, Madam President
Laura: Oh, hi Commander. Fancy seeing you here
Bill: Yeah about that
Laura: So you aren’t big on dances are you?
Bill: What makes you say that?
Laura: Well, you look less than thrilled to be here
Bill: This is how I always look
Laura: Ah. Right. So...
Bill: Baltar huh?
Laura: meh, I figured he’s easy enough to handle. I’ll let him do ribbon cutting things every now and then.
Bill: heh. Not too shabby for a school teacher
Laura: Watch it buster. Haven’t you realized by now that dealing with children is the perfect preparation for dealing with lots of bratty politicians?
Bill: Touche. So, you want to dance?
Laura: Seriously?
Bill: Well you can’t just sit here all evening. Actually, that’s what I’d called about before
Laura: To see if I was gonna sit here all evening?
Bill: No, to see if you’d dance with me tonight. Still haven’t answered my question
Laura: Um, ok. Sure. *inner squeee*
Bill: *score!*
Bill: By the way, how did you manage to avoid dancing with your new vice president? I thought that was a given
Laura: I have my ways
Kara: *This frakking sucks. I’m gonna need more ambrosia to deal with this. Though at least Lee is super jealous, so I might have to keep this up. And at least Laura scored this awesome dress for me since I’m doing her a solid.*
Laura: smirk
Laura: So, commander, how is the new batch of nuggets doing? Am I getting the lingo right?
Bill: Marry me
Laura: haha, good one.
Bill: *awkward* Er, the Twinkly Lights look nice and festive
Laura: Oh they do don’t they? I was so happy when Billy told me someone had tracked them down and confiscated them for the Colonial Government
Bill: Yeah, that idiot from Virgon had them in his quarters to make them more festive.
Laura: Wait, YOU found them?
Bill: Well I heard you wanted them so...
Laura: Marry me!
Bill: Uh...
Laura: *awkward laughter* Er...
And that’s the story of Laura and Bill’s first date and the Twinkly Lights of Festivity! I hope you all enjoyed!