so to go all emo on you yesterday, but i was being utterly bi-polar. i was a manic mess for most of the day and i guess t was for good reason. anyway... life has been amazingly good lately except for the fat issue i will touch on later... lets see ( Read more... )

One lonely tear will fall from her face ( Read more... )

so hear it is in one jumbled mess... mostly because my last entry got erased which sux b/c it awsoem and talked a lot about the great conversation me and my dad had.. for the first time ever in my life.. andyway here goes.. hope its understandable... haha.. like anything i say is understandable ( Read more... )

and im a bulimic... there i said it.. so y cant i stop my soul from crying? crying crying, its always crying... screaming.. help me, i odnt wanna live like this anymore,,, this isn't living, this is torture.. stop stop it, stop being fat... then as i look at my swollen face in the mirror... i wonder.... and i really even fat?

well.. here I am... barely... I felt as though I wasn't myself. at one point I thought I fell off the stool and it was just my soul sitting there. I kept looking around expecting to see my limp body lying on the floor. I really did ( Read more... )

sometimes its just an act of defiance... sometimes i just wanna do it... sometimes i just wanna stop caring and when i try, i get overwhelmed and go running back into the comfort of it all ( Read more... )

Here is my safety net, I fall in love with boys who live on the other side of the country b/c they are of no threat to me.. no real threat anyway. But I’m sick of that.. call me crazy, but I think I wanna be in love, I have an idea in my head of what my non-existent husband will be like. I call him that, b/c I still refuse to admit I even want a ( Read more... )

Focus focus I cannot, I have ADD bad today…..i’m at my internship… trying to work, but I keep daydreaming, well not really daydreaming, I do that all the time, my mind just can’t stay in one spot right now. This is a constant battle for me. Mom said I should wait till I go to a physiatrist and talk to them about it, so I can all my head straighten ( Read more... )

I am stuck somewhere between a woman and a child, and I think that most of my fears and doubts about life are linked into this. Now I by no means feel special or ‘different’ b/c of this but the realization, for me, is detrimental for finding my way in life ( Read more... )

"i did not liked to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. i did not like to be touched because i craved it to much. i wanted to be held very tight so i would not break. even now, when people lean down to touch me, or hug me, or put a hand on my shoulder, i holdmy breath. i turn my face. i want to cry ( Read more... )