The Empire of the Lion and the Wolf (8/14)
The sun is starting to rise by the time they get back to Crowley and Gabriel's place. Dean's mental state hasn't improved. If anything, it's gotten worse, because the pain in his knee has finally started to fade some so he doesn't even have that as a distraction. He's spent the last several hours trying not to have some very vivid fantasies about Castiel.
He's tried sleeping a couple times; that hadn't done any good. The dreams were worse- or maybe better- than the daydreams. Worse is that he'd been completely aware of the fact that Cas had been right behind him for the entire trip, and it has taken some extreme force of will not to go into the back and fuck the angel senseless, audience be damned.
Something is still wrong with Cas, too. He's heard Gabriel ask a few times if he's okay. Castiel says he is, every time, but his voice is tight, and carrying more than a hint of 'I'm not really, but leave me alone anyway'.
More than that, Dean just knows. That's probably just a symptom of his blood-induced high, though.
...Along with those fantasies. If this hasn't been the single most frustrating twelve hours of his life, he's having trouble thinking of what was.
He very carefully climbs out of the truck, trying to put as little weight on his knee as possible. He doesn't wait for anyone else; he limps straight up to the house, and goes in. He'd really rather not bump into Castiel.
His first stop is the kitchen, to splash cold water on his face in a futile attempt to clear his head from the overwhelming flood of Cas, Cas, Cas, Cas going on. Now is a slightly less inappropriate time than while in the H&H building or while on the road, but he's still drugged or whatever, and there are things to be discussed about everything that happened... And Dean has to tell Sammy about Alistair.
Lots of important things to be doing.
Like Cas-
Okay, this really needs to be over now.
“Dean, you okay?” Sam pokes his head into the kitchen, still looking groggy. He'd woken up just before they'd arrived.
Dean turns off the faucet, and dries his face, with the ratty towel from the counter. “Yeah, Sam. I'm fine.” He's pretty sure his voice clearly says he's lying, “Just tired.”
“You sure? How's the leg?”
“I'm sure. And it'll heal.”
Sam gives him a scrutinizing look before he shrugs. “If you say so... Anyway, I'm going to bed for a few hours. I think everyone else is too. You should probably get some sleep before we start figuring out how screwed we are...”
Sam leaves him alone, then, and Dean braces himself against the sink, trying to take deep, calming breaths, and ignore that he can see his arms shaking, and the fact that he feels kinda like he's burning alive from the inside out. The need to go find Castiel and let some of those fantasies play out is getting worse by the second.
He grips the edge of the sink hard enough to make his knuckles go white. If he could be sure that this is one hundred percent him, and not just whatever is messing with his head, he wouldn't hesitate to go...
Fuck.
He lets go of the sink and heads for Castiel's room. Not for any of the scenarios running through his head, but to find out what the hell is going on. That's what he tells himself, anyway.
He doesn't knock on the door, just goes in. He probably shouldn't, but he also probably shouldn't even be near Cas right now.
Dean barely makes it into the room before he's being grabbed, and pressed against the closing door.
“Cas, what-”
Castiel cuts off his sentence with a desperate, heated kiss that leaves Dean short of breath. The fact that he hadn't come in here for this is forgotten as he kisses back, hands roaming any part of the angel they can reach. Which is when he realizes Cas is missing his shirt...
Okay, Dean. Focus, focus. Not supposed to be doing this right now.
“You're... Making this... really hard,” Dean pants, as Castiel licks and kisses his way down his throat. He lets his head tip back to make things easier on Cas anyway.
Cas hums against his skin. “That is the idea,” he says, and rolls his hips against Dean's, and oh God, how is he supposed to be keeping a clear head?
“That's- oh, fuck- that's not what I mean-”
Castiel interrupts him with another kiss, and Dean very nearly forgets why he's protesting at all... Again... “I know what you meant.”
They're still for a few moments, bodies pressed together, both breathing raggedly, “What the hell is wrong with me, Cas?... And with you, apparently.”
Even as he asks, he's kissing the angel again, reveling in the moans and gasps he can elicit with just his mouth.
He makes one attempt to turn the tables; palms flat against Castiel's chest, he tries to push the angel away, and turn him simultaneously, so he can pin him against the wall. Cas growls low in his throat, fists his hands in Dean's shirt, and shoves him back against the door, knee sliding between Dean's thighs, body pressing tight against Dean's, and Dean finds himself quite thoroughly held in place.
Cas had said he was the bossy type. Dean's still not going to complain. Not when Castiel's hips are grinding against his own and the friction feels so fucking good.
Castiel backs away slightly and tugs at his t-shirt, and Dean lets it be pulled over his head. “I promise I'll explain everything,” says Cas, between kisses. Dean barely remembers what Castiel is talking about. “Later. Right now we are wearing too many clothes.”
Dean doesn't really care about trying to keep a clear head anymore; not when all he can think about is how much he fucking wants the angel. And he wholeheartedly agrees with the assessment that they are wearing way too many clothes.
There's one more moment of clarity when Castiel goes for the button and zipper on his jeans when he remembers that he had just come in here to talk, and that he should really be putting a stop to this.
He doesn't, because Cas slips his hand into Dean's boxers, and Dean imagines all the things those graceful fingers can -and probably will- do, and he finds he really doesn't want to interrupt this...
Castiel still has a hell of a lot of explaining to do later.
Dean wakes up to the strangest sensation of feeling like two people at once. This should be enough to make him throw the blankets off and jump up, wondering if he's gone insane. He doesn't for several reasons; one) his knee still hurts like a motherfucker -he doubts this morning helped it any-, two) there's a gigantic feathery appendage acting as one of those blankets, and three) there's an arm around him, and his legs are tangled up with Castiel's.
So he's forced to stay where he is and keep calm, while he tries to work out exactly what in the hell is going on in his brain.
It's not so much feeling like two people at once as being completely aware of every atom of someone else... Of Castiel, he realizes. And that is enough to make him move. Maybe not to get up, but he rolls out of Cas' loose grip and turns over so he can look at the angel. He knows Cas is awake before he sees the big blue eyes staring at him.
Just like he knows that Castiel is currently feeling anxious as all hell but happy at the same time, and why the fuck does he know this?
“Because I was careless,” says Cas, pulling his wing back and sitting up.
Dean blinks, thinks he should probably be panicking because Castiel totally just read his mind, but if he can sense the angel's emotions, a little mind reading is probably fair game. He sits up and asks, “This has to do with the blood, doesn't it?”
Dean knows Castiel is going to say yes before he says it.
“What the hell, man?”
Castiel sighs, and Dean's sense of him gets taken over completely by the anxiousness. “I didn't realize you had been wounded.” He nods at Dean's shoulder. There's no longer a gash there, but a straight, perfectly healed scar. He holds out his hands; one hand has no mark on it, just perfectly smooth skin. The other has the same straight scar as Dean's shoulder. “Had I realized, I would have been more careful about touching you.”
Dean looks from the scar on his shoulder, to the one on Cas' hand. “Cas, quit dancing around the point and just tell me what happened.”
“We've been Bonded,” Castiel replies, voice flat. “And there is no way to undo it.”
“I- We- What? Isn't that like angel marriage!?” He tries to remind himself not to freak out; this isn't Cas' fault, and he can feel that the poor guy is nervous enough about his reaction, and he doesn't need a freak out to make it worse, but what the hell? Yeah, he likes the guy, but it's a little soon for commitment, isn't it?
Castiel grimaces, probably at everything bouncing around Dean's head. “No. I've told you before... A Bonding can be between anyone with a strong emotional connection. It just... manifests differently depending on the nature of the connection.”
“Oh, so it's only a marriage if you have the hots for each other beforehand. Good to know.” This is so not good. He's picked up enough from Gabriel and Crowley to know that this means he and Cas are now walking invasions of each other's privacy and there's nothing either of them can do about it-
“Dean, stop, please,” says Castiel. “You're not making this any easier...”
“Excuse me for freaking out just a little bit,” Dean snaps. “How would you feel if-”
He stops himself, because Castiel is in exactly the same boat he is. He forces himself to calm down and focus on Cas; he can feel his companion's hurt, anger, and maybe a tiny smidge of hope that...
That Dean won't completely reject him for this, because Castiel is mostly certain he's falling in love with the man-
Dean snaps himself out of Cas-mode and just stares at the angel for a moment. Castiel, of course, knows what he felt, and is avoiding eye-contact. God, now he just feels like an asshole. But how the hell is he supposed to deal with this? He practically has another person hanging around in his head, which is apparently a permanent thing, and shit, Gabriel hadn't been lying about how Castiel felt, and Dean has absolutely no idea how to handle this...
And he really needs to make his brain shut up, because he's just making Cas feel worse. How the hell is he supposed to get used to just knowing that?
Dean takes a deep breath, clears his mind, and when he's fairly sure he can keep himself from freaking again, he says, “Hey, look at me.”
Castiel meets his eyes somewhat reluctantly.
“I'm sorry for spazzing... This is just, well, weird, and kinda scary... But I know it's not your fault.”
He feel Cas relax a bit, but he's still tense. “Your reaction is only to be expected. This is normally something to be considered for months, or years before it's done, for... Many reasons.”
Dean bites his tongue to keep from saying something sarcastic, and probably not helpful. “... Okay.” He takes a deep, deep breath. “So what was with the fuck or die thing earlier?”
“A combination of the Bond forming, and your human half reacting to my blood, I believe. I should perhaps have been less effected, but I could feel everything you were...”
Dean certainly hopes being horny for each other isn't a side effect for everyone, because Cas had said siblings could do this and that's just...
Castiel shakes his head, and Dean can feel his amusement. “I said it manifests differently depending on the nature of the relationship. It would not affect siblings, or even friends in the same manner unless there was already an underlying attraction.”
“Good to know,” says Dean. “...That's not gonna happen again is it? The fuck or die thing, I mean. 'Cause I could do without the debilitating daydreams when we're running for our lives...”
“I think we're safe,” says Cas.
“Any other side effects I should know about... We're not like... gonna die if we get separated, or anything, are we?”
“No. Most Bonds are not that strong. Some have been known to go mad in the event of a death, but distance usually does nothing but cause anxiety, which can eventually fade... So there is nothing to stop you from leaving, if you wish.”
Castiel is bracing himself for Dean to say that he's going to, that this is too much to deal with, and maybe it's best if he and Sam go back to Bobby's...
And maybe it is a hell of a lot to deal with, and it'd probably certainly be better to go back to Bobby's if only to get away from Gabriel and Crowley... But this is a permanent thing. Dean's getting the impression that even if he does leave, he'll still be completely aware of Cas, and vice versa; he can run, but he can't hide. Which means there's really no point in running, is there?
Besides, maybe he's still a little bit- okay, a lot- freaked out right now, but not enough to just up and leave... For one, Gabriel would follow through with that threat to tear him limb from limb, and for another, Cas' feelings aren't one-sided, and oh shit, Cas can tell what he's thinking right now. He needs his brain to shut up, right now.
Dean pinches the bridge of his nose, like that's going to stop his mental rambling, and tries to focus his thoughts. Castiel is still nervous, but he's more amused and happy now than anything. How is his mind not going at a hundred miles an hour, too?
“Because I'm used to keeping my mind in order,” says Cas. “You'll learn. But neither of us will ever be able to keep the other out.”
Dean sighs. “Yeah, I'm getting that... And you already heard me, but, I'm not going anywhere.”
Castiel finds sudden interest in the blankets. “I heard everything else, too.”
Dean's not going to bother pretending he didn't hear, since it wouldn't do any good, but he doesn't respond. That's a conversation for another time. Right now, they should probably get dressed and tell the others. God, Sam is never going to let this one go. Ever.
Cas is thinking Gabriel probably won't either. That doesn't make things any better.
Dean considers saying they can hold off for just a little while longer, maybe go back to sleep. The light coming in through the window suggests they hadn't slept very long anyway...
But Castiel seems more inclined to just go ahead and get it over with.
This remains infinitely weird, and still goddamn scary, but Dean's going to at least try and get used to it. He sighs and starts to get up, but Cas catches his arm, and pulls him back down for a kiss. It is really, really freaky being able to feel things from Cas' perspective as well as his own, but it makes for an interesting sensation... Sort of like being in a room full of mirrors and getting the infinite reflection thing.
It was probably meant to be a quick kiss. It isn't. Dean thinks maybe there's something to this whole Bonding thing, after all...
“Okay,” he says, finally pulling away. “We should go, before we get... Distracted.”
He gets to his feet, though not without difficulty, as his knee gets worse when he tries to put too much weight on it. He limps around the room until he finds his boxers and jeans. He has to lean against the wall for support to get them on.
He digs his phone out of his pocket and checks the time; nearly one. Later than he'd thought, but still not late enough for him to have had a decent amount of sleep.
Dean glances over to where Castiel is pulling on his own clothes. “Need help with the shirt?”
“Please.”
Once they're dressed, they leave the sanctuary that is Cas' room and head to the living room. Dean almost hopes the no one else is up yet. This isn't likely, considering the time. Sam, at least, has probably been up for a while.
Sam is, in fact, up and on the couch with his laptop. Crowley's in his chair, glass of scotch in hand (Dean wonders if demons can end up with liver failure), and Gabriel's just coming out of the kitchen.
“Wow,” he says around a mouthful of chips. “For all the noise you were making, neither of you looks very happy. Which of you is the lousy lay?”
Dean doesn't need to look at Castiel to know he's blushing beet red. Dean's never been bashful about people hearing him. Added bonus if it's Sam and it gives him nightmares. Speaking of, Sam is very carefully pretending he's not hearing any of this.
“Gabriel, we have something to discuss,” says Castiel. “Now.”
“Damn right we do,” says Gabriel, sitting next to Sam. “After what happened in Chicago. They knew we were coming.”
“That's not what he meant,” says Dean. They do need to talk about that, because Gabriel's right; Michael and Lucifer had known they were coming.
How is a very good question, because Dean doesn't remember any nighttime conversations where he might have let something slip, and Sam would have said if he had. He can't recall any dreams, lately; just the restless sleep, like...
Like maybe someone's been rooting around in his head. Damn it, if this is somehow his fault...
He's getting the sudden impression from Cas that he's going to be in trouble for not having mentioned that he was having troubling dreams.
It's not like he actually remembers the dreams, though. For all he'd known, they could have been about zombie Care Bears coming to destroy the earth.
Cas isn't accepting that excuse. Okay. Avoidance time later.
“I'm sure whatever it is can wait until we figure out why there was an ambush waiting for us,” says Gabriel, “And if we should be worried about being followed.”
Which is enough to make Dean wince, because if Lucifer and Michael had known they were coming, and if it was because of him, then they could probably figure out where the little group is hiding, too...
Yeah, that maybe takes priority over him and Castiel accidentally being married. Yeah, he knows it's not actually marriage, but it's close enough in his books. He supposes he doesn't have much of a choice but to work on being better at relationships now...
Castiel gently kicks his foot and Dean gets the message; he needs to stop veering off topic.
“So, how did they find out we were coming?” Sam asks, closing the laptop and setting it on the coffee table. “Think they could have caught on to Ash's hacking?”
“It might have been me,” says Dean, wishing there was another place to sit that wasn't within arm's reach of Gabriel, because he's pretty sure he's gonna get throttled. If not for this, then for the Bonding thing.
Everyone except Cas is staring at him.
Sam has his concerned face on. “Dean?”
Dean sighs; how is he supposed to explain this? 'I haven't been sleeping well, and I think it's because the bad guys are secretly picking through my brain'? Stress sounds more likely than that...
“It's possible that Michael and Lucifer have been invading his mind as he sleeps,” says Castiel, and Dean knows he's trying to save him from having to explain. His gratitude lasts for about two seconds before Cas continues with, “Had he informed me of this before, I would have been able to assist in keeping them at bay.”
Dean doesn't recall seeing Gabriel move; all he knows is one second he's fine, the next he's taking a fist to the jaw. He stumbles back, away from the archangel, and his knee twists in just the wrong way; it gives and he ends up in a heap on the floor.
He notices through the head-spinny effect that Gabriel's blow has caused that there's shouting going on, but he can't really be bothered to care what in the hell is being said, because his jaw is throbbing, the inside of his cheek is split open, and he's pretty sure he'd be better off if his leg just fell off.
He can feel anger and concern radiating from Cas, and he comes to his senses in time to hear the angel say, “-not touch my mate again!”
Then there's someone dragging Dean to his feet by his elbow. Sam, he realizes. Rubbing his jaw, he glares at Gabriel. “What the fuck!?”
Gabriel returns the glare, feathers puffed up, “I put Crowley and Castiel's lives on the line for you, and you nearly got us kill-... Mate?”
“I thought I was the only one who'd noticed,” says Crowley, who hasn't moved from his chair.
Dean's glad he's not the only one whose brain does some really damn speedy backpedaling. The rate at which Cas is trying to think of an escape is actually kinda impressive.
“It doesn't matter,” says Dean, hoping to give Castiel the out he needs. “You're right; it was probably my fault. Cas can work whatever mojo he needs to, to make sure it doesn't happen again.”
It at least has the desired effect of distracting Gabriel from Cas' wording. “Making you leave would be easier.”
“If they leave, so do I,” says Castiel, putting himself slightly in front of Dean and Sam like he expects to be a shield, feathers ploofing.
With Gabriel's attention on his brother, Sam mutters to Dean, “Are you okay?”
“I'll live,” says Dean, pulling his arm out of Sam's grip.
Gabriel sighs. “Castiel, don't start this again. What if Michael and Lucifer find out where we are? Hmm?”
“If that's what you're worried about, we'll leave,” says Castiel. “But they're not going without me.”
Gabriel hangs his head for a moment with a frustrated groan. “I swear, it's like talkin' to a brick wall. Look, I know you like them, and I know you're attached to him,” the archangel waves vaguely at Dean, “but they're clearly dangerous to be around.”
“Nothing you say will change my mind,” says Cas.
“For God's sake, Gabriel, if he wants to leave so badly, let him,” says Crowley. “It's not as if he didn't manage for thirty years without you.”
Gabriel cringes at that, and Dean can feel the flare of hurt it causes Castiel. One of these days, he really needs to get that story out of one of them. Probably Cas.
“Why do you have to be so goddamn stubborn?” Gabriel finally sighs.
As a reply, Cas holds out the hand with the scar, palm up.
Gabriel stares at the scar, then looks at Dean. After a moment's consideration, Dean pulls up his shirt sleeve to show the matching mark on his shoulder. Gabriel shakes his head, and sighs again. “If you could all get lost for a few minutes, I need to speak with my brother.”
“Just go,” says Castiel, when Dean momentarily considers protesting.
Dean can hear the questions bouncing around in Sam's head as they head for the back door- Dean figures it's probably best if he avoids going past Gabriel to get to the front. The last thing he hears from inside is Gabriel telling Crowley to beat it.
“What the hell?” Sam asks, as soon as the door closes, cutting of Crowley's protest that he'll just be able to hear it all anyway. He reaches out and grabs Dean's sleeve, yanking it back up to look at the scar.
It's really kind of difficult to concentrate on what his brother is saying, while trying to focus on working out what's going on inside just going off the vibes he's getting from Castiel... Most of which are a mess of anger and very deep-seated issues with his brother...
“Dean!”
“What? Oh, sorry... Um, yeah, about me 'n Cas...” Dean launches into an explanation of what had happened the night before and everything Cas had told him earlier.
Sam gapes at him through most of it and continues to do so once Dean stops talking and tries to focus on Castiel again. Unfortunately for someone who seems to have an ordered mind most of the time, right now his head is in complete disarray, and Dean's having trouble making any of it out.
“Wow,” Sam finally says, drawing Dean's attention back to him. “So... What are you gonna do?”
“Dude, I don't even know.” Dean sighs. “It's not like I can just say 'oh, whoops, I didn't sign up for this' and dissolve the whole thing. I'm not sure I even want to... But...”
“But?” Sam prods.
“I'm shit at relationships, Sammy, and if I fuck this up, we can't even just tell each other to fuck off and go our separate ways. And this thing... just knowing what he's feeling and knowing he can do the same? It's fucking weird, and scary.”... And maybe kinda awesome, but it's still weird, and scary.
“...I can't help with your emotional crisis-”
“Gee, thanks.”
“-but for what it's worth, I think you'll be fine.”
“...Thanks.”
“No problem. Now, do your Castiel Senses say we can go in yet? We do have things other than your accidental marriage to talk about.”
Dean shakes his head. “I don't think we wanna go in right now. Cas seems pretty angry... And I should have said something about the sleeping thing. You haven't had anything weird going on in your head?”
“No,” says Sam. “Nothing.”
So all the blame goes to Dean. Great. Not that he wants Sam to be at fault, but if Sam had been having the same problem then maybe it has to do with Michael and Lucifer being able to get at both of them instead of Dean just being too weak to keep them out... There's not much he hates more than feeling weak.
At least something good had come out of the ambush... “I think I know who killed mom and dad,” he says.
Sam blinks at him. “What? Who?”
“Alistair,” says Dean. “I recognized him, and when he had me against the wall he said he said he'd had mom in a similar position...”
It takes Sam several long, and quiet moments to process that. “So... Bobby was right; it wasn't Azazel.”
“I'm gonna kill him,” says Dean. “After Michael and Lucifer...”
“What if he didn't have any choice?”
Sam has an excellent point. But Alistair hadn't been wearing a collar and he hadn't had any of those funky tattoos. And in Dean's experience, slaves don't taunt. Alistair had taunted him, had clearly been enjoying his task. He doesn't think the demon had been coerced into working for Michael and Lucifer. Part of him wonders what they'd said to convince him to turn his back on his own species...
Dean doesn't get to voice any of that, because that's when he starts picking up on changes in Cas' mood. He's calmed down now, and while there's still an undercurrent of anger at Gabriel, the angel seems to be back to his normal self.
“I think we can go in now,” says Dean. “Unless Cas' sudden calm is 'cause he's snapped and he's about to kill Gabriel...” Which he can't say he'd object to.
Sam seems to gather that from his tone. “You know, he's not so bad if you actually get to know him instead of avoiding him like you've done for the past month and a half.”
Dean points at his jaw, which still frigging hurts. “Dude, he punched me.”
“Well, you did tell him that you were maybe the reason we nearly got our asses handed to us. Seriously, Dean; what do you expect? You're sleeping with his little brother, you're being hunted by the two most powerful creatures on the planet, you spend all your time with me or Castiel and you've made absolutely no effort to get to know Gabriel... I wouldn't like you either.”
“And when exactly have you had time to get to know him?” Dean snaps. Mostly because Sam's right; he hasn't made much of an effort.
Sam narrows his eyes at his brother. “What, you think I just sit around and do nothing when you're with Castiel? I'm allowed to get to know the guys we're basically living with.”
Dean grimaces. “I know, I know. I'm sorry... Look, if Gabriel doesn't kick us out, I promise I'll try to get to know him.”
“You kinda have to; he's like your brother-in-law now.... Does that make Crowley family?”
“I certainly hope not.” Crowley appears beside them, startling them both. “The last thing my increasingly miserable existence needs is to be related in any way to you...”
“Well,” says Dean, “if I'm Bonded to Cas, and you're Bonded to Gabriel, then that-”
“Just means that we happen to be tied down to the same family of idiots,” says Crowley. “Anyway, I only came out here to inform you that your presence is requested inside. And you're lucky Gabriel doesn't want to piss his brother off.”
The demon is gone a second later.
“I really hate that he can do that,” Sam mutters.
“Join the club,” says Dean. “Shall we?”
Inside, Castiel is still standing where Dean left him, but Gabriel is back on the couch, still looking tense. Cas turns as Dean and Sam enter the living room, and before Dean can get so much as a syllable out, the angel is in front of him and gripping his chin, tilting his head back so he can get a better look at the bruise Dean is sure is spreading across his jaw.
Castiel runs cool fingers over the tender skin and Dean struggles not to flinch away. Cas gets the message, and pulls his hand back. “Your knee?”
“It's fine.” It's not; the extra weight, and the fall had made it worse, but he'll get over it. A couple of days and he'll be back to normal.
“Liar,” says Cas. “But as you wish... Gabriel has given his word that he'll refrain from any further physical retribution...”
“I reserve the right to bitch at you until the end of time,” says Gabriel. “But for the sake of my brother, I'll try not to kill you.”
“Are we going or staying?” Sam asks, before Dean can respond.
“You're staying,” says Castiel, and while his voice doesn't even hint at it, Dean can tell he's feeling pretty satisfied with himself for having managed that one.
“If the only way to keep my brother where I can look after him is to keep you mutton-heads around, it's not like I have much of a choice,” says Gabriel. He fixes his gaze on Dean. “You do realize that when I said I didn't want you ditching him, I didn't mean if you were gonna be like a beacon to the bad guys or whatever you are...”
“I've already told you that it won't happen again,” says Cas. “I will shield his mind at night.”
“More like you'll just keep him, and everyone else, from sleeping.” Crowley appears in his chair. “If you dented a wall, by the way, you're fixing it.”
Dean ignores him. “So what are we supposed to do about Michael and Lucifer?”
“I think our original plan could still work, if they don't have prior knowledge of our arrival,” says Cas.
“But they'll be on the lookout for us now,” says Sam. “They'll know what to expect.”
“Then we lie low for a while,” says Dean. “It's not like we have many other options. We either go to them, or they find us...”
“We could lure them to us,” says Sam, sounding like he fully expects his suggestion to be shot down. “Let them find out where we are, and set a trap.”
“We'd have to let them get into our heads to let them find out,” Dean points out. “In which case they'd know what we were doing anyway.”
Sam looks at the floor for a moment, then meet's Dean's eyes again. “Not if we learned how to control what they see.”
Dean stares at his brother for a long while before he speaks. “You want to start messing with our abilities...”
Sam takes a step towards him, hands held up in a placating manner. “Look, I know we said we wouldn't, but if we could get Michael and Lucifer to walk into a trap-”
“Which we can't do if we're dead,” says Dean, edging back. “Jesus, Sam, you do remember the part where it could kill us don't you?”
Sam glances briefly at Gabriel while Castiel says, “I believe Sam's plan to be the more strategically sound course of action,” and Dean's getting ready to start shouting at him because 'strategically sound' is not what Dean would call making their brains melt. But Cas continues with, “But I agree with Dean that it might be best it leave it be...”
“At least if one of them killed themselves, we wouldn't have to worry about whatever Michael and Lucifer have in mind for Heaven,” says Crowley. “No doubt that won't do any of us down here any good.”
“Michael's said he could just bring us back,” says Dean, “I already thought of that.”
“Ever think maybe he was lying?” Gabriel asks.
“I don't know,” Dean snaps. “I haven't exactly died and found out.” Without looking at Crowley he raises a finger in the demon's direction. “And if you even think about saying you can fix that, so help me, I will kick your ass.”
Sam's shaking his head and sighing. “Dean, just... consider it, okay? It may be the only option we've got.”
Unfortunately, Dean knows his brother is right. That doesn't mean he wants Sammy risking his life for it. Which is why he says, “If it comes down to that, I'll do it.” He'd told Castiel ages ago that it would be worth dying if they managed to get something good on the Morningstars. But it can't be Sam. He'd promised their mom he'd look after his baby brother, and by God, he's not going to stop now.
“Dean-” both Cas and Sam start at the same time.
“Don't 'Dean' me. I said if.”
“Am I the only one who remembers that they may know where we are right now?” Crowley chimes in.
“If they knew, why wait for us to go to them?” Sam asks. “Why not catch us off guard before we left, or on the road. It would have been easier.”
“Maybe they just don't know where we are,” says Dean. “If them screwing around in my head is why I can't sleep; it's been happening since we got here... If they knew were we where, they'd have already been here weeks ago.”
There's silence for several moments before Crowley says, “So who's staying up all night to keep watch?”
“If you are so concerned with whether or not they know of our whereabouts,” says Castiel, “perhaps we should return to Bobby's. If they've stopped monitoring his home, it's possible they consider it a lost cause.”
Crowley snorts derisively. “Stay where there's not even a decent drink to be had? Only if we have no other choice.”
To be honest, Dean doesn't think going back to Bobby's is such a good idea. It would only put him and everyone at the salvage yard in danger.
“So we're just lying low then,” says Sam, disapproval dripping from every word. “Great. Can I go? If we're not doing anything useful, I'm taking a walk.”
Sam turns and leaves before Dean can say anything. Now Sam's pissed. Awesome. Dean knows eventually they'll probably have to go along with Sam's plan, but that doesn't mean he has to like it, or that he can't try to postpone it for as long as possible...
“I think I'll go too,” says Gabriel, getting up from the couch and following Sam.
“I guess this meeting is officially disbanded,” says Crowley, vanishing.
That just leaves Dean and Castiel.
“Well, that went great,” Dean mutters. “I managed to piss off my brother, your brother hates me, and we're right back where we started. Awesome.”
“Your definition of 'great' is somewhat skewed,” says Cas. Dean's pretty sure he's being sarcastic.
Dean hobbles over to the couch, and sits down, breathing a sigh of relief at finally getting to take the weight off his knee. “Is there any aspirin in this joint?”
“I think Sam requested some the last time Crowley went to st- collect supplies,” says Castiel, as he turns and heads for the bathroom, and presumably the medicine cabinet.
As he goes, Dean settles back against the cushions of the couch and tries to think. It'd be great if he could focus on coming up with a plan that doesn't involve sitting on their asses for another few months, or he and Sam using their powers excessively. Objectively speaking, he knows it'd be better to go out trying than to wait for Michael and Lucifer to find them and kill them, anyway. He knows Sam does have the better strategy here. He still doesn't want to use it.
Funny thing is, he can't quite come up with a good enough reason. Aside from the whole 'could possibly kill them' thing. Which, when he thinks about it, isn't a good enough reason, because they could have died in Chicago. They could die the next time they make a move.
He almost thinks this shit had been easier to deal with when he'd thought he was all human. Just a human with a quirk instead of a freak of nature with supernatural abilities.
For a moment, he wishes he could go back to that. Go back to him and Sam just being Hunters, spending Thursday afternoons (well, Fridays, since that waitress Sam was into had switched shifts) at Lisa's place, happy- for the most part-, human, and most importantly, not on the run or stuck living with an archangel and a demon who both obviously have a few screws loose.
If they could go back, he wouldn't have to deal with the fact that his parents- both sets of them- had lied to him.
He knows, of course, that it wouldn't matter. Michael and Lucifer hadn't just magically decided that Dean and Sam looked like good candidates for a nice sacrifice over night. But for the briefest second he can't help but wonder what would have happened if he'd done the smart thing, and just taken Castiel and Gabriel back to H&H when he met them. Because that has certainly made things a hell of a lot more complicated.
He's sorry for even considering it as soon as it crosses his mind.
He's even sorrier when he remembers that Castiel is aware of everything going on in his head.
Dean looks up just in time to see Cas coming back into the room, a small bottle in hand. He's doing a very bad job of pretending he hadn't noticed anything.
“Cas-”
“I found these,” the angel says, cutting him off and tossing the bottle in the direction of the couch. “I'm going to find Gabriel...”
God, how the hell is he supposed to be careful about what he thinks so he doesn't screw things up? He thinks stupid shit all the time. This officially sucks. Fucking Bonding...
And that one isn't winning him any points either; Castiel tenses, and then turns to leave. If he weren't slumped against the couch, Dean would be banging his head against the wall right now, because he's apparently going for the record of how many times and ways he can piss off his family today.
“Cas, goddammit, wait,” he says, pushing himself to his feet as quickly as he can. “I didn't mean it like that. I'm not- I don't wish we hadn't helped you.”
Castiel pauses and turns around. “I understand, Dean. Helping us did complicate things for you-”
“I said I didn't mean it,” says Dean. “I don't regret-” giving up everything for you before I even knew you “-lending a hand, okay? I was just thinking in 'what if's... And about the Bonding thing, I'm sorry. I'll get over it.”
He really, really doesn't regret it, because if there's one good thing about this whole mess, it's that he's got Castiel. Even if things have gotten a bit complicated now, that's still a bright spot.
Cas seems to soften a bit, both at his words and the feelings behind them. “I assure you, this is not how I would have chosen for things to go, either.”
“Yeah, I know, Cas. Look, I can't promise I won't think something stupid again, but I'm trying, here.”
“I can't promise to be completely patient with you,” Castiel shrugs. “I think you could say that makes us even.”
If nothing else, Dean can appreciate his honesty. “We're good?”
“We are.”
Dean doubts this will be the only mishap caused by constantly being in each others heads, nor the worst. He's fairly sure they're in for a bumpy road.
What's a relationship without a few obstacles though?
“C'mere,” Dean reaches out, grabs Cas' hand, and tugs him gently towards the couch. The angel is hesitant, but he follows, and sits next to Dean, pressed close against him. The mirror effect from earlier makes the contact seem a little surreal but Dean isn't going to complain. “Would it help if I admitted I'm not really good at this?”
“At what?”
“This. Relationships. I've fucked up every one I've ever been in. Hell, I'll probably fuck this one up.”
Castiel looks him straight in the eye, one hand sliding to the back of his neck. “You won't. We won't.”
Dean wants to trust that. Hell, maybe he can trust that. It's Cas, after all, and Cas seems to be the exception to a hell of lot of things. Maybe being the exception to Dean's record so far is just another thing waiting to be added to that list.
When Cas pulls him forward for a kiss, Dean goes easily, eagerly.
Bumpy road and obstacles ahead or not, he wants to give this a try. He wants this to work.
NEXT PART