Glee Fic: As If Nothing Really Matters
Title: As If Nothing Really Matters
Characters/Pairings: Jesse; Jesse/Rachel
Word Count: ~800
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language
Disclaimer: Title and lyrics are from "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.
Summary: Jesse's thoughts during "Bohemian Rhapsody."
A/N: This is for xsaturated who wanted Jesse+"Bohemian Rhapsody"+feelings. Thank you to firstbreaths for looking over it and helping me shape it up.
As If Nothing Really Matters
Jesse has always seen the song he performs with Vocal Adrenaline solely as a way of expressing his talent, showcasing his excellent range and flawless pitch, even as he dances across the stage. It's really not until he's attending McKinley, spending time with Rachel does he realize that songs don't necessarily have to be about that. Some of those kids sang songs that didn't really work for their type of voices, but their heart almost made up for it.
Almost. Jesse has a very sensitive ear and he doesn't appreciate it when amateurs, like Will Schuester, sing songs that really shouldn't be covered because the original is bad enough.
But as Jesse starts singing with the chorus, open your eyes, look up to the skies and see, he finds himself thinking of Rachel, stupidly wanting her to realize that there are reasons for what he did. That it wasn't so thoughtless and cruel, really.
"…But now I've gone and thrown it all away," Jesse growls, his voice rough and more passionate than he's ever heard from himself.
But he hasn't - he's managed to keep hold of everything: his dreams, his future, his ticket out of Ohio because that's all that ever mattered to him.
"Didn't mean to make you cry…"
And he really didn't. Damn it all to hell, when did all this blow up in his face (sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time)?
"Goodbye everybody - I've got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth."
(It's only her that really matters.)
Fuck, this is hell.
Why her? She's just a Barbra Streisand wannabe (lacks Barbra's emotional depth) who has a questionable taste in clothing and has a rather poor turn out in ballet. What about her possible drew him in? There are plenty of girls with incredible voices like hers - it's just absurd that she has this hold on him.
(Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go.)
But then he suddenly sees her in the back of the auditorium, watching, and his anger escalates in time for him to sing to the hard rock section, its lyrics directed to her and wow, it's somewhat cathartic and more revealing than he expected.
So you think you can love me and leave me to die.
He wonders if she's getting any of this at all, if she's looking for the subtext in every lyric and trying to find a heart somewhere. (Or maybe she just gave up and is refusing to see - he really wouldn't blame her for that.)
"Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here," Jesse grinds out, somehow hitting all his marks even though he's so goddamn distracted by everything around him and in him.
He just wants this number to end, to not have Rachel's eyes burning through his clothes and skin and flesh, searing his bones with something permanent (regret, love, lost opportunity).
Of course she walks out during the lyric that's the biggest lie, but so true at face value (nothing really matters, anyone can see) and he's sort of overcome with sadness. It's rather cinematic, in a way, something he thinks Rachel appreciates since she can be quite masochistic when it comes to her life playing out like a show.
And he's a lot like her, no matter how much he tried to deny it in the beginning, so it's enjoyable in a twisted way.
The crowd (expectedly) goes wild and they bow in time, never off a count, before running off the stage. He hears whispers behind him, no doubt talking about him, trying to find a fault in his performance when he knows and they know there isn't one. But nobody can touch him now when he's on this adrenaline high, after that song, which really was his best; who'd of thought feelings plus talent would make a performance truly exceptional?
It's not until he's alone with Ms. Corcoran does he actually feel that one fucking lyric he hates (I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all), the Regionals win tasting acidic and rotten in the back of his throat when she mentions that there was a "lack of heart" in the performance, according to one viewer.
Of course it's Rachel, who else?
(So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?)
He supposes it's payback for his backhanded compliment on her performance of "Don't Rain on My Parade" - it all comes full circle and he can't even muster the proper indignation because it's so poetic.
It definitely hurts more than he thought it would, but he's good at pretending, believing that nothing matters.
So he'll carry on, carry on, as usual with his head held high and his back straight because he's Jesse St. James, and he's not going to let this, Rachel, feelings get in the way of what he deserves.
And when he sees her walking out with her glee club dejectedly, her hand laced with Hudson's as she glances around her (as if looking for someone), he knows this is far from over, as cliché as it is.
And cue the closing curtains for intermission, he thinks to himself as he checks his reflection in the Regionals trophy reflection.
Still perfect.
Characters/Pairings: Jesse; Jesse/Rachel
Word Count: ~800
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: language
Disclaimer: Title and lyrics are from "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen.
Summary: Jesse's thoughts during "Bohemian Rhapsody."
A/N: This is for xsaturated who wanted Jesse+"Bohemian Rhapsody"+feelings. Thank you to firstbreaths for looking over it and helping me shape it up.
As If Nothing Really Matters
Jesse has always seen the song he performs with Vocal Adrenaline solely as a way of expressing his talent, showcasing his excellent range and flawless pitch, even as he dances across the stage. It's really not until he's attending McKinley, spending time with Rachel does he realize that songs don't necessarily have to be about that. Some of those kids sang songs that didn't really work for their type of voices, but their heart almost made up for it.
Almost. Jesse has a very sensitive ear and he doesn't appreciate it when amateurs, like Will Schuester, sing songs that really shouldn't be covered because the original is bad enough.
But as Jesse starts singing with the chorus, open your eyes, look up to the skies and see, he finds himself thinking of Rachel, stupidly wanting her to realize that there are reasons for what he did. That it wasn't so thoughtless and cruel, really.
"…But now I've gone and thrown it all away," Jesse growls, his voice rough and more passionate than he's ever heard from himself.
But he hasn't - he's managed to keep hold of everything: his dreams, his future, his ticket out of Ohio because that's all that ever mattered to him.
"Didn't mean to make you cry…"
And he really didn't. Damn it all to hell, when did all this blow up in his face (sends shivers down my spine, body's aching all the time)?
"Goodbye everybody - I've got to go, gotta leave you all behind and face the truth."
(It's only her that really matters.)
Fuck, this is hell.
Why her? She's just a Barbra Streisand wannabe (lacks Barbra's emotional depth) who has a questionable taste in clothing and has a rather poor turn out in ballet. What about her possible drew him in? There are plenty of girls with incredible voices like hers - it's just absurd that she has this hold on him.
(Oh mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go.)
But then he suddenly sees her in the back of the auditorium, watching, and his anger escalates in time for him to sing to the hard rock section, its lyrics directed to her and wow, it's somewhat cathartic and more revealing than he expected.
So you think you can love me and leave me to die.
He wonders if she's getting any of this at all, if she's looking for the subtext in every lyric and trying to find a heart somewhere. (Or maybe she just gave up and is refusing to see - he really wouldn't blame her for that.)
"Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here," Jesse grinds out, somehow hitting all his marks even though he's so goddamn distracted by everything around him and in him.
He just wants this number to end, to not have Rachel's eyes burning through his clothes and skin and flesh, searing his bones with something permanent (regret, love, lost opportunity).
Of course she walks out during the lyric that's the biggest lie, but so true at face value (nothing really matters, anyone can see) and he's sort of overcome with sadness. It's rather cinematic, in a way, something he thinks Rachel appreciates since she can be quite masochistic when it comes to her life playing out like a show.
And he's a lot like her, no matter how much he tried to deny it in the beginning, so it's enjoyable in a twisted way.
The crowd (expectedly) goes wild and they bow in time, never off a count, before running off the stage. He hears whispers behind him, no doubt talking about him, trying to find a fault in his performance when he knows and they know there isn't one. But nobody can touch him now when he's on this adrenaline high, after that song, which really was his best; who'd of thought feelings plus talent would make a performance truly exceptional?
It's not until he's alone with Ms. Corcoran does he actually feel that one fucking lyric he hates (I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all), the Regionals win tasting acidic and rotten in the back of his throat when she mentions that there was a "lack of heart" in the performance, according to one viewer.
Of course it's Rachel, who else?
(So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?)
He supposes it's payback for his backhanded compliment on her performance of "Don't Rain on My Parade" - it all comes full circle and he can't even muster the proper indignation because it's so poetic.
It definitely hurts more than he thought it would, but he's good at pretending, believing that nothing matters.
So he'll carry on, carry on, as usual with his head held high and his back straight because he's Jesse St. James, and he's not going to let this, Rachel, feelings get in the way of what he deserves.
And when he sees her walking out with her glee club dejectedly, her hand laced with Hudson's as she glances around her (as if looking for someone), he knows this is far from over, as cliché as it is.
And cue the closing curtains for intermission, he thinks to himself as he checks his reflection in the Regionals trophy reflection.
Still perfect.