It's 3am and everyone has gone to bed and i'm a little drunk and I only just read this and and and. And I'm totally fucking crying now. And I don't know if its because I'm worried for you or angry at everyone who's treated you like shit or totally pissed off at myself because I seem to remember being the one who first said the words "You were just a means to an end" or because I feel jealous or because I can't help you or anyone I care about because just caring doesn't change a thing which is like a hell in itself and i don't know what other reasons and fuck i don't understand this and it makes me feel irrelevant and insignificant and now I feel ashamed because... I don't know maybe I just want attention see I'm just a jerk and in the end maybe I'm totally angry at you because you're better than Tyson and you need to understand that and
JAY! thats whats sucky about life, no matter how much you care or how much you know or how bad you feel or whatever else you cant change this, because i am stupid and stuck and I HAVE TO CHANGE. but dont you ever think that you caring doesnt matter, because thats what matters the most. as for being irrelevant or insignificant or a jerk, you are none of these things. i love you because you care and you try to understand and you are everything i admire. idontknowwhatelse. xo
dear jay i am also twelve...with a drinking problem. would you like to join me? if anyone, by anyone i mean tyson, cos if it was anyone else i would probably laugh, but anyway the point is if he ever smacked me in the face again i would just smack him back. go and work for the dole, ok? all my love lauren xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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And I'm totally fucking crying now.
And I don't know if its because I'm worried for you or angry at everyone who's treated you like shit or totally pissed off at myself because I seem to remember being the one who first said the words "You were just a means to an end" or because I feel jealous or because I can't help you or anyone I care about because just caring doesn't change a thing which is like a hell in itself and i don't know what other reasons and fuck i don't understand this and it makes me feel irrelevant and insignificant and now I feel ashamed because... I don't know maybe I just want attention see I'm just a jerk and in the end maybe I'm totally angry at you because you're better than Tyson and you need to understand that and
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thats whats sucky about life, no matter how much you care or how much you know or how bad you feel or whatever else you cant change this, because i am stupid and stuck and I HAVE TO CHANGE. but dont you ever think that you caring doesnt matter, because thats what matters the most. as for being irrelevant or insignificant or a jerk, you are none of these things. i love you because you care and you try to understand and you are everything i admire.
idontknowwhatelse.
xo
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xxoo
but if anyone ever smacked you in the face again I would kill them
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i am also twelve...with a drinking problem. would you like to join me?
if anyone, by anyone i mean tyson, cos if it was anyone else i would probably laugh, but anyway the point is if he ever smacked me in the face again i would just smack him back.
go and work for the dole, ok?
all my love
lauren xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
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