Like Gravity's Pull [2/2]
Title: Like Gravity's Pull [1/2]
Author: miss2l
Pairing(s): KyuSung
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: Well, if this really happens...lol
Summary: Kyuhyun doesn't know and Yesung pretends.
Song Prompt: Gravity - Sara Bareilles
Written for kyusungcentral
<
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun likes to see Yesung fragile underneath his touch. He likes to watch the defiant eyes dim in light and hear him plead with those pretty lips of his. He likes to see him crumble under a few caresses, likes to see him fall apart so easily with just one heated look. Call him a sadist but there was just something about the way Yesung’s skin would raise up in goose bumps, something about the way Kyuhyun could feel Yesung’s heartbeat race, something about the way his lips trembled against his after too many kisses. It was exhilarating, empowering and practically everything Kyuhyun thought he needed.
Not only did Yesung make Kyuhyun feel warm, he made Kyuhyun feel in control.
It didn’t take long for Kyuhyun to realise that Yesung was in this thing for ulterior motives. The way he reacted to every little thing was more than a concerned Hyung would but Kyuhyun didn’t mind. In fact, he relished in it. Having Yesung weak, fragile and oh-so-breakable just because he liked Kyuhyun a little more than he should? That was one of the best feelings in the world. He likes to have that control, to know that he’s worth more than the world to Yesung. That he was Yesung’s everything and that no one could take him from his grasp. He liked to play with Yesung, watch him writhe under him and watch him squirm against the wall as he does all kinds of things with his tongue, see him unable to resist and retaliate because it’s Kyuhyun doing this.
“Kyuhyun-ah…” Yesung tries to say in between kisses, pressed up against a door, breathless and flushed - just the way Kyuhyun wanted him to be. He looked so helpless, so vulnerable, only Kyuhyun could do this. But before Kyuhyun can hear more of that small, husky voice he eats it up, kisses Yesung furiously. Partially because of that glorious feeling, that one that goes all the way to his toes with warmth and control and blissfulness, and partially because he knows if he hears anymore of it, he’d faint on the spot.
He pushes Yesung more, squeezing his body between him and the door and literally steals his breath away. He wants to feel powerful, not weak. That voice of his must have magical properties because it can drag Kyuhyun from being at the top of the world to the very pits of it, trembling and stuttering like a school girl. The feel of Yesung squeezing his shoulders, clawing through his hair makes him want to collapse, knees weak. So he presses more, presses until he can feel Yesung weakening in his hold, so that by comparison, Kyuhyun is strong, powerful, controlled.
But then Yesung touches his bare neck with those tiny fingers of his and his whole body is erupting in goose bumps. He’s trying not to squirm when Yesung kisses back, tongue fighting back valiantly, trying not to writhe when Yesung’s arms make it around his waist and hold him tight. He’s barely able to keep standing when Yesung moans, full and rich and enticing, and leans as heavily onto the door as possible so he doesn’t fall to his knees. His euphoria is crumbled by the weakness he feels, his control is gone, his body going absolutely haywire with every little thing Yesung does.
He can’t even look at Yesung anymore without feeling like a shy girl on her first date. The man is an absolute angel, glowing skin and warm eyes, kissable lips and delectable voice. From afar his palms are already sweating, his shoulders tense. Up close, Kyuhyun knows he’s going to be a blubbering idiot so he makes no room for conversation, instead stealing his words as well as his lips.
His broken soul heals for the moment but his heart hammers erratically like a wild beast in a cage.
He considered breaking the deal because of how weak he felt, how humiliated he was, like a fool next to a God. But he knows he can’t. Away from Yesung too long and his withdrawal symptoms are almost violent, the shaking, the tears, the agony just comes rushing back. His mind is filled with torment and he goes back to living like a dead body. His movements are unstable and woozy, he feels sick and nauseous with every step he takes and before he knows it, he’s running to Yesung’s side, claiming his lips like an animal. He almost laughs because he knows, he knows that Yesung is only here because he’s broken, because he’s some helpless creature that was drowning in his misery. Both with and without Yesung are the same, he’s still weak, he’s still at someone’s mercy, but at least with him he can forget all the agony for just a moment.
Kyuhyun likes to fool himself but he knows he’s the fragile one.
♥규 성♥
Yesung thinks he’s strong… Strong enough to stay and not completely break down, strong enough to help the broken Kyuhyun. He’s willing to admit Kyuhyun doesn’t treat him like a human being anymore, it’s just like he stated on that one night; Yesung is his alcohol. He isn’t a person; he’s a drug, a fix, a thing to numb his sensitive heart for just a short while. It wasn’t expected but Yesung half blamed himself for not reading between the lines, or simply not understanding Kyuhyun’s words. “Become my alcohol” - and that’s exactly what he is.
Yesung thinks he must be pretty damn strong to last being treated like an item of relief.
He looks at Kyuhyun, the boy dead on the inside and wonders how he manages to stand. He helps him stand, provides him with support, as physical as it was, and it allowed him to work through the day, knuckle down and get it all done with, without breaking down. He must be strong to help him do that right? Right? He must be. Only the strong can support the broken, so Yesung must be resilient and durable enough to carry both his and Kyuhyun’s troubles. He’ll give into Kyuhyun’s every push and pull and it helps Kyuhyun, or so he likes to think.
It makes him feel strong and reliable, if anything.
Kyuhyun pushes him against a door, cold and hard, and he can still take it. He can still take his mouth being violated and his insides aching. As Kyuhyun kisses him without a word and only force, it can only hurt. But Yesung knows he must be strong to be able to withstand this. If anyone else were in his position, with his feelings, with that thing inside his chest churning and swirling, they would have run away a long time ago, run away from the pain, run away from the agony, run away from Kyuhyun. Yesung doesn’t. Yesung stays by his side, grabbing at Kyuhyun like a lifeline, hurting like hell but still enduring.
He wants to speak, wants to help but is silenced. The pain, it’s indescribable.
That the one thing he truly wanted to do, that one thing that that thing in his chest truly needed, was denied so cruelly. He’s treated like a thing, denied all he wants and yet he stays. He stays because even though his heart is burning with every kiss, out of both euphoria and utter grief, he knows he can’t be away. He can’t stand seeing him weak, hear him in anguish and not do anything. He used to do that and it hurt so much more.
But he knows he’s fooling himself, he’s not doing anything, all he wanted was the sparkling Kyuhyun back and he couldn’t even do that.
Try as he might, he can’t do it. He can try to speak, try to comfort him, try to bring him back but it doesn’t work. His so called strength is too weak, too fragile, too breakable because as soon as Kyuhyun grabs him, kisses him roughly as can be, his words are lost in the wind. Somewhere along the line, Yesung realises he can’t stand on his own, can’t help but tremble beside Kyuhyun. He’d say his name in the softest of tones, touch him in the most intimate of places and he’d be crumbling in a matter of seconds.
Yesung wonders where all his strength has gone.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun knows he can’t last in China without Yesung. So, he wants to take a three months’ supply. He needs this because without his fix he’ll be drowning in depression and going insane. The only thing that can sustain him until he gets back would be Yesung, a nice long session with Yesung to keep sane enough to not go on shows with sullen eyes and dreadful posture. But even with his kisses, Kyuhyun knows he can’t last days on end without Yesung. He thinks long and hard, wondering how to survive without dying.
The answer seems too simple by the time he comes to it.
“Let’s have sex, Hyung.” Kyuhyun says frankly the night before he has to go to China. Yesung looks shocked for a moment before giving Kyuhyun a bitter smile, taking Kyuhyun’s much larger hand in his, staring at it for a prolonged minute. He nods almost shakily, fingers clenching around Kyuhyun’s as he leads him to his room, locking the door behind him. Kyuhyun has him backed up in a corner within no time, leaving no room for words as he seizes his lips. Yesung trembles as he shakes and unsteadily responds and it drives Kyuhyun insane, the good kind or the bad he wasn’t too sure.
He notices that Yesung lost weight, the hollows in his cheeks becoming more prominent and he sadistically enjoys it. He strips Yesung for himself and he relishes in how fragile Yesung looks with his protruding hip bones and ribs. It’s not to the point of being disgusting, because even Kyuhyun would turn away at the sight of a starved Yesung, but Kyuhyun absolutely adores the sight of a frail Yesung, capable of breaking in his arms. It’s all to feed that insatiable need for control again and he doesn’t expect the pain that wracks his body as he continues to look.
Halfway through the intercourse, his lustful mind wonders how Yesung could brave through this.
So pliant, obedient and submissive, not fighting back in the least as Kyuhyun bites, nips and scratches him all over the place. Marks are scattered across gorgeous planes of skin and not a peep, not a push, not a word is drawn out of Yesung. He’s abusing the beautiful creature before him and yet he does not complain. It’s scary. It’s horrifying how Yesung is so strong, able to withstand the way Kyuhyun tears him apart as if he didn’t have feelings, as if he was fixable after being taken so grossly and messily as this. Kyuhyun is scared at how weak he is, taking pleasure in Yesung’s fragility just to make him seem stronger. His eyes tear a little but he continues, pushing Yesung onto the bed to get his fix, get enough for China.
Kyuhyun fills Yesung to the brim with what he hopes is his control, not his cowardice.
♥규 성♥
Yesung feels like a doll. His body reacts accordingly, as if on automatic, his heart and soul anywhere but here. This seems to suit Kyuhyun perfectly fine, all he needs is that warmth and control and Yesung’s body. He doesn’t need Yesung’s love, he never did. So, Yesung feels the tears prickling in his eyes as he lets Kyuhyun do as he pleases. His heart cries out painfully, clenching and trying to rip out from his chest because this is just too much and there’s only so much he can take. But Yesung shuts it out, pretends it doesn’t exist and does as Kyuhyun wishes, as if his body was trained to be impassive to the abuse he had to endure.
Kyuhyun doesn’t do this gently, not in the least. Yesung feels teeth and nails scorching across his skin and he grits his teeth to ignore the pain. Kisses ravish not only his lip but his neck and chest, done without an inkling of care. Kyuhyun was going like a machine gone haywire, ravaging his body like it was a piece of raw meat but not taking care to do anything right. He’s pulled left and right, flung around like a rag doll and he tries to play along, to grip at Kyuhyun as he sucks at some sensitive juncture.
He thinks he sees tears somewhere, Kyuhyun’s eyes glazing over with what might be worry, but it barely lasts a second before he’s shoved to the bed, limbs bouncing around. Kyuhyun takes him raw and hard, against the mattress, an uncountable number of times.
It’s his first time and he thoroughly hates it.
“I need as much as you can give me” rings in his ears as Kyuhyun practically eats his bare body, ruining it in every way possible. He’s gripping at the sheets so hard, hoping that it’d make the unbearable pain go away, both in his body and in his heart. His eyes dim as he sees Kyuhyun above him, acting like a bunny in mating season, doing this out of pure need not love. Kyuhyun’s sweat drips onto his face and something else wet drips down his cheek, rolling down his chin.
After all is done, Kyuhyun collapsed on him, kissing him messily before falling asleep soundly, almost too easily. Yesung side eyes Kyuhyun’s sleeping body for a while, half panting, half crying (he didn’t even know when it started), his only companion being the stained sheets. He looks down at the white splotches against the blue blankets and almost wails. His heart has come back, has returned to the chamber in his chest and it feels like acid. He takes a look at the contented expression on Kyuhyun’s face and laughs bitterly through the tears.
“I hope I made you happy, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Yesung wishes he didn’t know why it hurts so much.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun experiments while he’s in China because he really can’t last. Within two days, the aftereffects of sex had worn off and he was back to his depressive state, violent withdrawal symptoms and all. So, he tries to find an alternative. It worked with Yesung, who said it wouldn’t work with anyone else? Zhou Mi’s a great kisser and Donghae didn’t ask questions. He made out with both of them a couple of times, wishing to get that spark of warmth ignited but came out empty handed. He was beyond frustrated, why couldn’t Zhou Mi’s tongue and Donghae’s soft lips bring him the same satisfaction?
Why couldn’t they simply do?
Day by day it was getting worse, he couldn’t go anywhere without a scowl, a wobbly limp and a dark look in his eyes. His members worry but he brushes them off with the most dead voice possible, sinking into chairs like he was drowning in air. He even went back to the bottle in some desperate attempt only to find it bitter and gross, not nearly as potent as he remembered it. He remembers Yesung’s alluring warmth and his brilliant smile and everything else just pales in comparison. He throws the bottle of fine French wine across the room, shattering it to pieces, staining it dark red. He had gone through three bottles already and nothing; that feeling of euphoria was nowhere in sight and his mind was beginning to torture him mercilessly.
“Kyuhyun-ah… I called Yesung-hyung today.” Ryeowook said unevenly as he sat next to Kyuhyun, squeezing his thigh. Kyuhyun looked at Ryeowook with the emptiest gaze possible, his roommate squirming a little on the spot but continuing nonetheless.
“I don’t know what happened between you two but I know it’s deep enough for me to tell him about what you did with Donghae-hyung and Zhou Mi-hyung.” He looks at the ground, sighing, before looking back up, eyes hopeful. He squeezes Kyuhyun’s thigh again, patting a few times before getting up.
“From how frustrated you’ve been I can only guess it’s something to do with being away from each other.”
Ryeowook begins to walk out, perhaps to bunk with a different member, but Kyuhyun stops him short, practically launching at him and grabbing at his wrist with a vice-like grip.
“R-Ryeowook-ah, help me… what do you think is wrong with me? No one can do it… Nothing can help me out of this sorry state… O-Only Yesung-hyung… There must be something wrong…” Kyuhyun mumbles, squeezing Ryeowook’s wrist anymore, his frustration clear. Ryeowook turns around and gives Kyuhyun a heart breaking smile, cupping the maknae’s face with his free hand.
“It doesn’t sound like anything’s wrong Kyuhyun-ah… It sounds like you’re in love.” Ryeowook pulls out of Kyuhyun’s grasp when the boy looks shocked beyond all belief, mouth open like a goldfish. He chuckles a little and shakes his head when Kyuhyun snaps out of it, looking at him pleadingly.
“I can’t help you with this… It’s something you need to sort out yourselves… But there’s nothing wrong with love, Kyuhyun-ah, just remember that.”
Kyuhyun remains still as Ryeowook disappears; leaving him totally alone. He falls onto the bed a few seconds later, staring at the ceiling, for once his head not tormenting him with broken thoughts. He thinks about Yesung, the Yesung of Super Junior, Kim Jongwoon and Kyuhyun’s Yesung-hyung - the one he kissed and broke. He thinks about how damaged he looked when he left without a word, how he slowly shattered to tiny pieces as their twisted relationship continued, and how… and how bright Yesung looked before it all. Before all the kissing, before the demands and the sex, he remembered that Yesung.
He remembered the gorgeous, pretty, filled out Yesung with his lovely smile and exquisite voice. He remembered how he took the life out of those divine eyes and took away his words in fear of being weak. He remembered how much it hurt to see Yesung the way he was now - ruined and broken by Kyuhyun himself. ‘Misery loves company’, they say, and Kyuhyun realises how true it was for him. He was so down, so self-involved he didn’t realise that he wanted Yesung to be miserable, wanted Yesung to be just as broken as he was just to spite him for being so strong whilst he was so weak.
In the process of hurting Yesung, he practically killed himself.
His heart palpitated happily around Yesung, his body filmed warmth with just one word from the older man and yet he recognised it as weakness. He couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand how resilient Yesung was, and dragged Yesung to some deep dark hole, silencing him so that he wouldn’t make him feel weak. His body sought out Yesung’s warmth like a moth to a flame, his broken soul grabbing at Yesung and he thought it to be fragility, trying to deny it all by hurting him. But he ended up making it worse, so much worse and now he didn’t even know how to fix it.
Kyuhyun ponders over how true Ryeowook’s words are.
♥규 성♥
Yesung hears about what Kyuhyun is doing from Ryeowook. He drops the phone before the younger man has the chance to hang up, falling to his knees, tears slipping out of his eyes unknowingly. He knows he hasn’t ended the call and numbly searches around for his phone, not even looking at the ground, staring into space as he picks it up, screen cracked. He croaks before he can speak and curls up in a ball on the floor, sobbing into the speaker as his heart cries. Images of Kyuhyun kissing Donghae and Zhou Mi the way he used to kiss him flood his mind and it only makes his bawls even louder, fingers shaking as he listens to Ryeowook on the other end.
“Hyung… Hyung please don’t cry… please… just hear me out.” Ryeowook pleads and Yesung can’t control his sobbing, quieting it a little but not too much. Apparently, that’s all Ryeowook needs because he takes a deep breath, cooing something soothing that didn’t quite reach Yesung’s ears before he continued.
“I really don’t know what’s happening between you two but you need to sort it out… Kyuhyun is depressed and it’s clearly affecting you similarly. Get everything out there Hyung… talk it out, get everything straight. It hurts to see you two like this but this is the only thing I can suggest.”
Ryeowook stays on the line a little longer, helping Yesung quieten down a little before hanging up. Yesung sees rationality in Ryeowook’s words, sees a solution in the one Ryeowook gave. It could fix it all, perhaps not bring them together like how Yesung truly wished but perhaps resolve the knots and twists lying between them. He uncurls himself and sits up straight only to bury his face in his fists, biting his bottom lip until it bled.
How were they going to talk it out? How were they going to sort it out when he couldn’t even talk to Kyuhyun? He could just imagine it going down… Him trying to speak and Kyuhyun silencing him with a bruising kiss. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it? It’s always been one-sided like that and he couldn’t help that… He couldn’t stop it from happening, could he? He thinks about all the times he tried to push Kyuhyun away, tried to consult and comfort him only to end up with a pair of lips on his, a tongue wrapping around his. It breaks his heart at how hopeless his situation seemed - having a perfectly reasonable solution and yet being totally incapable of initiating it.
Yesung, in his state of utter hopelessness, gets up on wobbly legs, tears still streaming down as he collapses on his bed. His head lolls to the side, looking at the shelf at his bedside, filled to the brim with photo albums. One particularly catches his eye, ‘Kyuhyunnie and Yesungie’ it read on the label and Yesung takes it out on impulse, pushed by that thing in his chest - the thing he thought had given up on him.
He opens it up to somewhere in the middle, curious as to the contents and his fingers tremble at the sight. Smiles, smiles everywhere. There were pictures of Kyuhyun, of Yesung, of Kyuhyun and Yesung. He flipped through the pages slowly, eyes growing wider with every photo, overwhelmed by how bright they looked. Some were from a long time ago, when Kyuhyun first joined with those valiant eyes of his, and some reasonably recent, most of the light gone down the drain. But they were smiling, smiling so bright it was blinding.
He quickly turns to the first page, fingers shaking as he does so and his tears start afresh as he looks upon it. A large photo, almost claiming the whole page, occupies the space. It’s their very first photo together, awkward yet happy. The sparkle in Kyuhyun’s eye is at full blast, his arm slung around Yesung in the friendliest manner and Yesung misses him so much. A time when they were both so young and free, so innocent and naïve, so unbroken and whole. Down at the bottom is a little memo, blue and cloud shaped, reading:
“Note to self: I love this man, Cho Kyuhyun - Kim Jongwoon”.
It’s not hard to remember when he wrote that. He had been scrap booking, putting a special photo album for just him and Kyuhyun, a time when he had just fallen in love. He had been bittersweet at the time, dealing with Kyuhyun’s declining psyche but also learning that he loved everything Kyuhyun. He had done this to cheer himself up, sticking cheesy stickers all over it and writing little stupid notes. It had succeeded and he couldn’t believe he had forgotten about it.
Feelings of the time arose, the thing in him bubbling with excitement as he rose in resolve.
He really could talk to Kyuhyun if he wanted. He just had to try.
He wasn’t trying hard enough, he had loved the idea of helping a fragile Kyuhyun to the point that he secretly wanted him to remain in that depressed state, it gave Kyuhyun a reason to need him. But if he tried, if he truly tried he’d have the strength to do this right, he owed himself that much, he owed the part of him that loved Kyuhyun unconditionally. He couldn’t torture Kyuhyun for his own selfish needs and he looked down at his lap where all the proof of his love lay and wiped his tears away. He frantically searched for his phone, jumping off his bed to do this, and dialled as fast as he could.
Yesung tells Ryeowook to tell Kyuhyun they need to talk.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun isn’t totally sure how he feels about Yesung again, but he knew he must. They were going to have this talk, rain or shine, end of the world or not. Ryeowook had come to him, full smile and told him that Yesung wanted to talk as soon as they got back to Korea, before getting a dark expression, glare on full blast, telling him that if screwed this one up he wouldn’t just be dealing with an angry Ryeowook.
When he waltzed up to Yesung, broad shoulders and hoping to put a brave face, Yesung gave him a small smile. His heart fluttered and he reached for Yesung’s hand, those tiny precious fingers of his, the ones with infinite warmth. Yesung continues to smile but pushes him away, keeping him at arm’s length. He shakes his head before reaching out on his own, links two fingers, staring at the connection for a moment. The fluttering of Yesung’s eyelashes as he continues to look at their fingers as if in love, is purely angelic, and Kyuhyun is left stunned for a few moments. Before, he would’ve been convinced to let go, to push him away but instead he stayed, letting Yesung decide what they do.
“Let’s go Kyuhyun-ah.” Yesung says quietly, gently, eyes downcast, as if wanting Kyuhyun to choose. To go or not to go? The choice was obvious. He nudged their linked index and middle fingers and Yesung pulled them along to his bedroom. They closed the door, left unlocked, and sat on the bed, a person’s distance away. Kyuhyun stares at his knees, knowing Yesung is doing the same, both sorting through their myriad of thoughts. It was comfortable, silent and the air kind of sank whilst they waited. Waited for the other to move, both treading on very thin ice. That was not to say Kyuhyun was nervous, no not in the least, this was the most relaxed he had been in years. He just… He didn’t want to push it.
“Where… Where should I start?”
“From the beginning, Hyung.” Kyuhyun looks up with the warmest smile he can and his breath hitches when he sees Yesung looking at him too, eyes light and beautiful, just like always. He’s tempted to wrap the man in his arms, whisper ‘sorry’s and ‘I love you’s but he waits, seeing how much Yesung appreciates the space, how much he’s allowed to talk. Kyuhyun reaches across tentatively, trying to find Yesung’s but giving him room to move away if uncomfortable. Yesung smiles some more, reaching all the way to his eyes, those lovely eyes of his crinkling at the corners, and meets him halfway. Yesung’s hand lays in his and Kyuhyun thinks it’s the best feeling in the world.
Yesung tells his story, from day one until now. He tells him how Kyuhyun was the cutest boy on earth when they first met, with those wide eyes and huge grin. He tells Kyuhyun how much it hurt to see that boy slowly get swallowed by the darkness of their occupation, see him wallow and die under all the pressure. He tells Kyuhyun how much he wanted to raise that boy from those depths, pull him out from that cage made of blackness and nurture him back to health. He tells Kyuhyun how he would always watch Kyuhyun in the latest, darkest hours at night and cry himself to sleep, unable to handle seeing Kyuhyun in such a state. He tells Kyuhyun how his heart hurt so much it felt like getting stabbed. He tells Kyuhyun how much that contrasted to the palpitating it did when Kyuhyun simply looked at him. He tells Kyuhyun how just one brush of skin could make him a blushing mess. He tells Kyuhyun how much he cares and watches. He tells Kyuhyun how he fell in love.
Kyuhyun hears his heart practically bounce around in his chest.
“I love you Kyuhyun-ah…” Yesung says clearly, looking Kyuhyun right in the eye and Kyuhyun clenches their hands a little tighter. Yesung looks down at their intertwined hands before scooting a little closer, just a few centimetres and Kyuhyun’s face heats up a few degrees.
It’s ridiculous, their positions haven’t changed too much yet to Kyuhyun it felt like miles. He scooted too, heart racing even more, they keep doing this until they’re practically pressed side-to-side and Kyuhyun can feel Yesung’s breath on his face. He’s tempted to push forward, claim those sinful lips in a loving dance but he resists, he waits, he lets Yesung catch his breath in this rush. The older man squeezes his hand again and Kyuhyun’s jumping on the inside, he’s found his real solution… the one he’d been searching for for years.
“Help me be happy again, Hyung. Only you can do it… I love only you.” And Kyuhyun does feel happy for the first time since he was eighteen. He smiles and he feels like a little part of him that he lost a long time ago, comes back. He feels a gaping hole in his chest start to heal. It’s not bottomless anymore but it’s not filled… yet. But then he looks at Yesung, with those eyes of his, full of endless love, and he knows that one day it will be filled… filled to the brim and overflowing.
Kyuhyun knows this isn’t addiction, its love.
♥규 성♥
Yesung sees a glimmer of the sparkle in Kyuhyun’s eyes and his smile almost splits his face. He can’t control himself as he presses forward, kisses him sweetly on the lips and tears silently fall… he wants to stop, he wants the tears to stop once and for all because he’s not in that loop anymore. He’s not stuck doing nothing, he’s doing something yet he’s crying all the same. Kyuhyun pulls away, the kiss nothing but soft, and wipes his tears gently, gentler than Yesung remembers Kyuhyun ever being.
Everything’s blurry and he’s still crying but Kyuhyun shushes him, kisses his nose and they fall into clean, white sheets. Yesung’s head resting on Kyuhyun’s shoulder as the younger man wraps him up in his arms. His heart beats rapidly, faster than speed of light, probably, and he snuggles further, still crying, tears he can’t understand. He wraps his arms around Kyuhyun’s middle and kisses his neck.
“I’m sorry… I’m so happy… yet I can’t… I can’t stop crying…” Yesung mumbles against Kyuhyun’s shirt, the cloth soaked. Yesung hears Kyuhyun chuckle and knows that it’ll all be alright. The sound is musical and heart-warming to his ears, possibly the best thing he’s ever heard. He’s pulled closer, more than what’s supposed to be humanly possible and practically sputters at the proximity. He’s been even closer to Kyuhyun than this and yet this feels better than any other embrace, the warmth overwhelming. He can’t help but bury himself into it, feeling higher than the moon and brighter than the sun.
“These… are the most beautiful tears I’ve ever seen.” Kyuhyun whispers against his hair and whilst Yesung is utterly baffled, his insides are doing somersaults all over the place because it was undoubtedly romantic. Though he’s sure, no matter what Kyuhyun says, it’ll sound right out of the best romance novels, there was just that thing about his voice that Yesung could never pinpoint but he made the dullest of phrases come to life - make him swoon so easily.
“They’re also the happiest tears I’ve ever seen.”
That thing in his chest purrs and his tears finally stop, resting completely in Kyuhyun’s embrace. He reaches up, compelled by that something, and kisses Kyuhyun’s chin, whispering ‘I love you’ across his skin. Kyuhyun whispers it back, wonderful and smooth like always, pulling Yesung almost fully onto him and kisses the top of his head. It’s the best feeling in the world and when Yesung’s tears have all dried up and Kyuhyun’s stroking his hair like never before, placing the tiniest of kisses on his head, and he knows this is what he wanted to drown in this entire time.
He doesn’t have to pretend that that something isn’t love anymore.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun and Yesung are fundamentally drawn together. Yesung and Kyuhyun are in love.
♥규 성♥
<
Word Count: 10.3K
A/N: Yups they're definitely getting longer...Lols...I totally slaved over this and am still so unsure about it...well, happy Valentines day guys! Have lots of kisses from me ok? *kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss*
Author: miss2l
Pairing(s): KyuSung
Rating: R
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: Well, if this really happens...lol
Summary: Kyuhyun doesn't know and Yesung pretends.
Song Prompt: Gravity - Sara Bareilles
Written for kyusungcentral
<
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun likes to see Yesung fragile underneath his touch. He likes to watch the defiant eyes dim in light and hear him plead with those pretty lips of his. He likes to see him crumble under a few caresses, likes to see him fall apart so easily with just one heated look. Call him a sadist but there was just something about the way Yesung’s skin would raise up in goose bumps, something about the way Kyuhyun could feel Yesung’s heartbeat race, something about the way his lips trembled against his after too many kisses. It was exhilarating, empowering and practically everything Kyuhyun thought he needed.
Not only did Yesung make Kyuhyun feel warm, he made Kyuhyun feel in control.
It didn’t take long for Kyuhyun to realise that Yesung was in this thing for ulterior motives. The way he reacted to every little thing was more than a concerned Hyung would but Kyuhyun didn’t mind. In fact, he relished in it. Having Yesung weak, fragile and oh-so-breakable just because he liked Kyuhyun a little more than he should? That was one of the best feelings in the world. He likes to have that control, to know that he’s worth more than the world to Yesung. That he was Yesung’s everything and that no one could take him from his grasp. He liked to play with Yesung, watch him writhe under him and watch him squirm against the wall as he does all kinds of things with his tongue, see him unable to resist and retaliate because it’s Kyuhyun doing this.
“Kyuhyun-ah…” Yesung tries to say in between kisses, pressed up against a door, breathless and flushed - just the way Kyuhyun wanted him to be. He looked so helpless, so vulnerable, only Kyuhyun could do this. But before Kyuhyun can hear more of that small, husky voice he eats it up, kisses Yesung furiously. Partially because of that glorious feeling, that one that goes all the way to his toes with warmth and control and blissfulness, and partially because he knows if he hears anymore of it, he’d faint on the spot.
He pushes Yesung more, squeezing his body between him and the door and literally steals his breath away. He wants to feel powerful, not weak. That voice of his must have magical properties because it can drag Kyuhyun from being at the top of the world to the very pits of it, trembling and stuttering like a school girl. The feel of Yesung squeezing his shoulders, clawing through his hair makes him want to collapse, knees weak. So he presses more, presses until he can feel Yesung weakening in his hold, so that by comparison, Kyuhyun is strong, powerful, controlled.
But then Yesung touches his bare neck with those tiny fingers of his and his whole body is erupting in goose bumps. He’s trying not to squirm when Yesung kisses back, tongue fighting back valiantly, trying not to writhe when Yesung’s arms make it around his waist and hold him tight. He’s barely able to keep standing when Yesung moans, full and rich and enticing, and leans as heavily onto the door as possible so he doesn’t fall to his knees. His euphoria is crumbled by the weakness he feels, his control is gone, his body going absolutely haywire with every little thing Yesung does.
He can’t even look at Yesung anymore without feeling like a shy girl on her first date. The man is an absolute angel, glowing skin and warm eyes, kissable lips and delectable voice. From afar his palms are already sweating, his shoulders tense. Up close, Kyuhyun knows he’s going to be a blubbering idiot so he makes no room for conversation, instead stealing his words as well as his lips.
His broken soul heals for the moment but his heart hammers erratically like a wild beast in a cage.
He considered breaking the deal because of how weak he felt, how humiliated he was, like a fool next to a God. But he knows he can’t. Away from Yesung too long and his withdrawal symptoms are almost violent, the shaking, the tears, the agony just comes rushing back. His mind is filled with torment and he goes back to living like a dead body. His movements are unstable and woozy, he feels sick and nauseous with every step he takes and before he knows it, he’s running to Yesung’s side, claiming his lips like an animal. He almost laughs because he knows, he knows that Yesung is only here because he’s broken, because he’s some helpless creature that was drowning in his misery. Both with and without Yesung are the same, he’s still weak, he’s still at someone’s mercy, but at least with him he can forget all the agony for just a moment.
Kyuhyun likes to fool himself but he knows he’s the fragile one.
♥규 성♥
Yesung thinks he’s strong… Strong enough to stay and not completely break down, strong enough to help the broken Kyuhyun. He’s willing to admit Kyuhyun doesn’t treat him like a human being anymore, it’s just like he stated on that one night; Yesung is his alcohol. He isn’t a person; he’s a drug, a fix, a thing to numb his sensitive heart for just a short while. It wasn’t expected but Yesung half blamed himself for not reading between the lines, or simply not understanding Kyuhyun’s words. “Become my alcohol” - and that’s exactly what he is.
Yesung thinks he must be pretty damn strong to last being treated like an item of relief.
He looks at Kyuhyun, the boy dead on the inside and wonders how he manages to stand. He helps him stand, provides him with support, as physical as it was, and it allowed him to work through the day, knuckle down and get it all done with, without breaking down. He must be strong to help him do that right? Right? He must be. Only the strong can support the broken, so Yesung must be resilient and durable enough to carry both his and Kyuhyun’s troubles. He’ll give into Kyuhyun’s every push and pull and it helps Kyuhyun, or so he likes to think.
It makes him feel strong and reliable, if anything.
Kyuhyun pushes him against a door, cold and hard, and he can still take it. He can still take his mouth being violated and his insides aching. As Kyuhyun kisses him without a word and only force, it can only hurt. But Yesung knows he must be strong to be able to withstand this. If anyone else were in his position, with his feelings, with that thing inside his chest churning and swirling, they would have run away a long time ago, run away from the pain, run away from the agony, run away from Kyuhyun. Yesung doesn’t. Yesung stays by his side, grabbing at Kyuhyun like a lifeline, hurting like hell but still enduring.
He wants to speak, wants to help but is silenced. The pain, it’s indescribable.
That the one thing he truly wanted to do, that one thing that that thing in his chest truly needed, was denied so cruelly. He’s treated like a thing, denied all he wants and yet he stays. He stays because even though his heart is burning with every kiss, out of both euphoria and utter grief, he knows he can’t be away. He can’t stand seeing him weak, hear him in anguish and not do anything. He used to do that and it hurt so much more.
But he knows he’s fooling himself, he’s not doing anything, all he wanted was the sparkling Kyuhyun back and he couldn’t even do that.
Try as he might, he can’t do it. He can try to speak, try to comfort him, try to bring him back but it doesn’t work. His so called strength is too weak, too fragile, too breakable because as soon as Kyuhyun grabs him, kisses him roughly as can be, his words are lost in the wind. Somewhere along the line, Yesung realises he can’t stand on his own, can’t help but tremble beside Kyuhyun. He’d say his name in the softest of tones, touch him in the most intimate of places and he’d be crumbling in a matter of seconds.
Yesung wonders where all his strength has gone.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun knows he can’t last in China without Yesung. So, he wants to take a three months’ supply. He needs this because without his fix he’ll be drowning in depression and going insane. The only thing that can sustain him until he gets back would be Yesung, a nice long session with Yesung to keep sane enough to not go on shows with sullen eyes and dreadful posture. But even with his kisses, Kyuhyun knows he can’t last days on end without Yesung. He thinks long and hard, wondering how to survive without dying.
The answer seems too simple by the time he comes to it.
“Let’s have sex, Hyung.” Kyuhyun says frankly the night before he has to go to China. Yesung looks shocked for a moment before giving Kyuhyun a bitter smile, taking Kyuhyun’s much larger hand in his, staring at it for a prolonged minute. He nods almost shakily, fingers clenching around Kyuhyun’s as he leads him to his room, locking the door behind him. Kyuhyun has him backed up in a corner within no time, leaving no room for words as he seizes his lips. Yesung trembles as he shakes and unsteadily responds and it drives Kyuhyun insane, the good kind or the bad he wasn’t too sure.
He notices that Yesung lost weight, the hollows in his cheeks becoming more prominent and he sadistically enjoys it. He strips Yesung for himself and he relishes in how fragile Yesung looks with his protruding hip bones and ribs. It’s not to the point of being disgusting, because even Kyuhyun would turn away at the sight of a starved Yesung, but Kyuhyun absolutely adores the sight of a frail Yesung, capable of breaking in his arms. It’s all to feed that insatiable need for control again and he doesn’t expect the pain that wracks his body as he continues to look.
Halfway through the intercourse, his lustful mind wonders how Yesung could brave through this.
So pliant, obedient and submissive, not fighting back in the least as Kyuhyun bites, nips and scratches him all over the place. Marks are scattered across gorgeous planes of skin and not a peep, not a push, not a word is drawn out of Yesung. He’s abusing the beautiful creature before him and yet he does not complain. It’s scary. It’s horrifying how Yesung is so strong, able to withstand the way Kyuhyun tears him apart as if he didn’t have feelings, as if he was fixable after being taken so grossly and messily as this. Kyuhyun is scared at how weak he is, taking pleasure in Yesung’s fragility just to make him seem stronger. His eyes tear a little but he continues, pushing Yesung onto the bed to get his fix, get enough for China.
Kyuhyun fills Yesung to the brim with what he hopes is his control, not his cowardice.
♥규 성♥
Yesung feels like a doll. His body reacts accordingly, as if on automatic, his heart and soul anywhere but here. This seems to suit Kyuhyun perfectly fine, all he needs is that warmth and control and Yesung’s body. He doesn’t need Yesung’s love, he never did. So, Yesung feels the tears prickling in his eyes as he lets Kyuhyun do as he pleases. His heart cries out painfully, clenching and trying to rip out from his chest because this is just too much and there’s only so much he can take. But Yesung shuts it out, pretends it doesn’t exist and does as Kyuhyun wishes, as if his body was trained to be impassive to the abuse he had to endure.
Kyuhyun doesn’t do this gently, not in the least. Yesung feels teeth and nails scorching across his skin and he grits his teeth to ignore the pain. Kisses ravish not only his lip but his neck and chest, done without an inkling of care. Kyuhyun was going like a machine gone haywire, ravaging his body like it was a piece of raw meat but not taking care to do anything right. He’s pulled left and right, flung around like a rag doll and he tries to play along, to grip at Kyuhyun as he sucks at some sensitive juncture.
He thinks he sees tears somewhere, Kyuhyun’s eyes glazing over with what might be worry, but it barely lasts a second before he’s shoved to the bed, limbs bouncing around. Kyuhyun takes him raw and hard, against the mattress, an uncountable number of times.
It’s his first time and he thoroughly hates it.
“I need as much as you can give me” rings in his ears as Kyuhyun practically eats his bare body, ruining it in every way possible. He’s gripping at the sheets so hard, hoping that it’d make the unbearable pain go away, both in his body and in his heart. His eyes dim as he sees Kyuhyun above him, acting like a bunny in mating season, doing this out of pure need not love. Kyuhyun’s sweat drips onto his face and something else wet drips down his cheek, rolling down his chin.
After all is done, Kyuhyun collapsed on him, kissing him messily before falling asleep soundly, almost too easily. Yesung side eyes Kyuhyun’s sleeping body for a while, half panting, half crying (he didn’t even know when it started), his only companion being the stained sheets. He looks down at the white splotches against the blue blankets and almost wails. His heart has come back, has returned to the chamber in his chest and it feels like acid. He takes a look at the contented expression on Kyuhyun’s face and laughs bitterly through the tears.
“I hope I made you happy, Kyuhyun-ah.”
Yesung wishes he didn’t know why it hurts so much.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun experiments while he’s in China because he really can’t last. Within two days, the aftereffects of sex had worn off and he was back to his depressive state, violent withdrawal symptoms and all. So, he tries to find an alternative. It worked with Yesung, who said it wouldn’t work with anyone else? Zhou Mi’s a great kisser and Donghae didn’t ask questions. He made out with both of them a couple of times, wishing to get that spark of warmth ignited but came out empty handed. He was beyond frustrated, why couldn’t Zhou Mi’s tongue and Donghae’s soft lips bring him the same satisfaction?
Why couldn’t they simply do?
Day by day it was getting worse, he couldn’t go anywhere without a scowl, a wobbly limp and a dark look in his eyes. His members worry but he brushes them off with the most dead voice possible, sinking into chairs like he was drowning in air. He even went back to the bottle in some desperate attempt only to find it bitter and gross, not nearly as potent as he remembered it. He remembers Yesung’s alluring warmth and his brilliant smile and everything else just pales in comparison. He throws the bottle of fine French wine across the room, shattering it to pieces, staining it dark red. He had gone through three bottles already and nothing; that feeling of euphoria was nowhere in sight and his mind was beginning to torture him mercilessly.
“Kyuhyun-ah… I called Yesung-hyung today.” Ryeowook said unevenly as he sat next to Kyuhyun, squeezing his thigh. Kyuhyun looked at Ryeowook with the emptiest gaze possible, his roommate squirming a little on the spot but continuing nonetheless.
“I don’t know what happened between you two but I know it’s deep enough for me to tell him about what you did with Donghae-hyung and Zhou Mi-hyung.” He looks at the ground, sighing, before looking back up, eyes hopeful. He squeezes Kyuhyun’s thigh again, patting a few times before getting up.
“From how frustrated you’ve been I can only guess it’s something to do with being away from each other.”
Ryeowook begins to walk out, perhaps to bunk with a different member, but Kyuhyun stops him short, practically launching at him and grabbing at his wrist with a vice-like grip.
“R-Ryeowook-ah, help me… what do you think is wrong with me? No one can do it… Nothing can help me out of this sorry state… O-Only Yesung-hyung… There must be something wrong…” Kyuhyun mumbles, squeezing Ryeowook’s wrist anymore, his frustration clear. Ryeowook turns around and gives Kyuhyun a heart breaking smile, cupping the maknae’s face with his free hand.
“It doesn’t sound like anything’s wrong Kyuhyun-ah… It sounds like you’re in love.” Ryeowook pulls out of Kyuhyun’s grasp when the boy looks shocked beyond all belief, mouth open like a goldfish. He chuckles a little and shakes his head when Kyuhyun snaps out of it, looking at him pleadingly.
“I can’t help you with this… It’s something you need to sort out yourselves… But there’s nothing wrong with love, Kyuhyun-ah, just remember that.”
Kyuhyun remains still as Ryeowook disappears; leaving him totally alone. He falls onto the bed a few seconds later, staring at the ceiling, for once his head not tormenting him with broken thoughts. He thinks about Yesung, the Yesung of Super Junior, Kim Jongwoon and Kyuhyun’s Yesung-hyung - the one he kissed and broke. He thinks about how damaged he looked when he left without a word, how he slowly shattered to tiny pieces as their twisted relationship continued, and how… and how bright Yesung looked before it all. Before all the kissing, before the demands and the sex, he remembered that Yesung.
He remembered the gorgeous, pretty, filled out Yesung with his lovely smile and exquisite voice. He remembered how he took the life out of those divine eyes and took away his words in fear of being weak. He remembered how much it hurt to see Yesung the way he was now - ruined and broken by Kyuhyun himself. ‘Misery loves company’, they say, and Kyuhyun realises how true it was for him. He was so down, so self-involved he didn’t realise that he wanted Yesung to be miserable, wanted Yesung to be just as broken as he was just to spite him for being so strong whilst he was so weak.
In the process of hurting Yesung, he practically killed himself.
His heart palpitated happily around Yesung, his body filmed warmth with just one word from the older man and yet he recognised it as weakness. He couldn’t stand it, couldn’t stand how resilient Yesung was, and dragged Yesung to some deep dark hole, silencing him so that he wouldn’t make him feel weak. His body sought out Yesung’s warmth like a moth to a flame, his broken soul grabbing at Yesung and he thought it to be fragility, trying to deny it all by hurting him. But he ended up making it worse, so much worse and now he didn’t even know how to fix it.
Kyuhyun ponders over how true Ryeowook’s words are.
♥규 성♥
Yesung hears about what Kyuhyun is doing from Ryeowook. He drops the phone before the younger man has the chance to hang up, falling to his knees, tears slipping out of his eyes unknowingly. He knows he hasn’t ended the call and numbly searches around for his phone, not even looking at the ground, staring into space as he picks it up, screen cracked. He croaks before he can speak and curls up in a ball on the floor, sobbing into the speaker as his heart cries. Images of Kyuhyun kissing Donghae and Zhou Mi the way he used to kiss him flood his mind and it only makes his bawls even louder, fingers shaking as he listens to Ryeowook on the other end.
“Hyung… Hyung please don’t cry… please… just hear me out.” Ryeowook pleads and Yesung can’t control his sobbing, quieting it a little but not too much. Apparently, that’s all Ryeowook needs because he takes a deep breath, cooing something soothing that didn’t quite reach Yesung’s ears before he continued.
“I really don’t know what’s happening between you two but you need to sort it out… Kyuhyun is depressed and it’s clearly affecting you similarly. Get everything out there Hyung… talk it out, get everything straight. It hurts to see you two like this but this is the only thing I can suggest.”
Ryeowook stays on the line a little longer, helping Yesung quieten down a little before hanging up. Yesung sees rationality in Ryeowook’s words, sees a solution in the one Ryeowook gave. It could fix it all, perhaps not bring them together like how Yesung truly wished but perhaps resolve the knots and twists lying between them. He uncurls himself and sits up straight only to bury his face in his fists, biting his bottom lip until it bled.
How were they going to talk it out? How were they going to sort it out when he couldn’t even talk to Kyuhyun? He could just imagine it going down… Him trying to speak and Kyuhyun silencing him with a bruising kiss. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it? It’s always been one-sided like that and he couldn’t help that… He couldn’t stop it from happening, could he? He thinks about all the times he tried to push Kyuhyun away, tried to consult and comfort him only to end up with a pair of lips on his, a tongue wrapping around his. It breaks his heart at how hopeless his situation seemed - having a perfectly reasonable solution and yet being totally incapable of initiating it.
Yesung, in his state of utter hopelessness, gets up on wobbly legs, tears still streaming down as he collapses on his bed. His head lolls to the side, looking at the shelf at his bedside, filled to the brim with photo albums. One particularly catches his eye, ‘Kyuhyunnie and Yesungie’ it read on the label and Yesung takes it out on impulse, pushed by that thing in his chest - the thing he thought had given up on him.
He opens it up to somewhere in the middle, curious as to the contents and his fingers tremble at the sight. Smiles, smiles everywhere. There were pictures of Kyuhyun, of Yesung, of Kyuhyun and Yesung. He flipped through the pages slowly, eyes growing wider with every photo, overwhelmed by how bright they looked. Some were from a long time ago, when Kyuhyun first joined with those valiant eyes of his, and some reasonably recent, most of the light gone down the drain. But they were smiling, smiling so bright it was blinding.
He quickly turns to the first page, fingers shaking as he does so and his tears start afresh as he looks upon it. A large photo, almost claiming the whole page, occupies the space. It’s their very first photo together, awkward yet happy. The sparkle in Kyuhyun’s eye is at full blast, his arm slung around Yesung in the friendliest manner and Yesung misses him so much. A time when they were both so young and free, so innocent and naïve, so unbroken and whole. Down at the bottom is a little memo, blue and cloud shaped, reading:
“Note to self: I love this man, Cho Kyuhyun - Kim Jongwoon”.
It’s not hard to remember when he wrote that. He had been scrap booking, putting a special photo album for just him and Kyuhyun, a time when he had just fallen in love. He had been bittersweet at the time, dealing with Kyuhyun’s declining psyche but also learning that he loved everything Kyuhyun. He had done this to cheer himself up, sticking cheesy stickers all over it and writing little stupid notes. It had succeeded and he couldn’t believe he had forgotten about it.
Feelings of the time arose, the thing in him bubbling with excitement as he rose in resolve.
He really could talk to Kyuhyun if he wanted. He just had to try.
He wasn’t trying hard enough, he had loved the idea of helping a fragile Kyuhyun to the point that he secretly wanted him to remain in that depressed state, it gave Kyuhyun a reason to need him. But if he tried, if he truly tried he’d have the strength to do this right, he owed himself that much, he owed the part of him that loved Kyuhyun unconditionally. He couldn’t torture Kyuhyun for his own selfish needs and he looked down at his lap where all the proof of his love lay and wiped his tears away. He frantically searched for his phone, jumping off his bed to do this, and dialled as fast as he could.
Yesung tells Ryeowook to tell Kyuhyun they need to talk.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun isn’t totally sure how he feels about Yesung again, but he knew he must. They were going to have this talk, rain or shine, end of the world or not. Ryeowook had come to him, full smile and told him that Yesung wanted to talk as soon as they got back to Korea, before getting a dark expression, glare on full blast, telling him that if screwed this one up he wouldn’t just be dealing with an angry Ryeowook.
When he waltzed up to Yesung, broad shoulders and hoping to put a brave face, Yesung gave him a small smile. His heart fluttered and he reached for Yesung’s hand, those tiny precious fingers of his, the ones with infinite warmth. Yesung continues to smile but pushes him away, keeping him at arm’s length. He shakes his head before reaching out on his own, links two fingers, staring at the connection for a moment. The fluttering of Yesung’s eyelashes as he continues to look at their fingers as if in love, is purely angelic, and Kyuhyun is left stunned for a few moments. Before, he would’ve been convinced to let go, to push him away but instead he stayed, letting Yesung decide what they do.
“Let’s go Kyuhyun-ah.” Yesung says quietly, gently, eyes downcast, as if wanting Kyuhyun to choose. To go or not to go? The choice was obvious. He nudged their linked index and middle fingers and Yesung pulled them along to his bedroom. They closed the door, left unlocked, and sat on the bed, a person’s distance away. Kyuhyun stares at his knees, knowing Yesung is doing the same, both sorting through their myriad of thoughts. It was comfortable, silent and the air kind of sank whilst they waited. Waited for the other to move, both treading on very thin ice. That was not to say Kyuhyun was nervous, no not in the least, this was the most relaxed he had been in years. He just… He didn’t want to push it.
“Where… Where should I start?”
“From the beginning, Hyung.” Kyuhyun looks up with the warmest smile he can and his breath hitches when he sees Yesung looking at him too, eyes light and beautiful, just like always. He’s tempted to wrap the man in his arms, whisper ‘sorry’s and ‘I love you’s but he waits, seeing how much Yesung appreciates the space, how much he’s allowed to talk. Kyuhyun reaches across tentatively, trying to find Yesung’s but giving him room to move away if uncomfortable. Yesung smiles some more, reaching all the way to his eyes, those lovely eyes of his crinkling at the corners, and meets him halfway. Yesung’s hand lays in his and Kyuhyun thinks it’s the best feeling in the world.
Yesung tells his story, from day one until now. He tells him how Kyuhyun was the cutest boy on earth when they first met, with those wide eyes and huge grin. He tells Kyuhyun how much it hurt to see that boy slowly get swallowed by the darkness of their occupation, see him wallow and die under all the pressure. He tells Kyuhyun how much he wanted to raise that boy from those depths, pull him out from that cage made of blackness and nurture him back to health. He tells Kyuhyun how he would always watch Kyuhyun in the latest, darkest hours at night and cry himself to sleep, unable to handle seeing Kyuhyun in such a state. He tells Kyuhyun how his heart hurt so much it felt like getting stabbed. He tells Kyuhyun how much that contrasted to the palpitating it did when Kyuhyun simply looked at him. He tells Kyuhyun how just one brush of skin could make him a blushing mess. He tells Kyuhyun how much he cares and watches. He tells Kyuhyun how he fell in love.
Kyuhyun hears his heart practically bounce around in his chest.
“I love you Kyuhyun-ah…” Yesung says clearly, looking Kyuhyun right in the eye and Kyuhyun clenches their hands a little tighter. Yesung looks down at their intertwined hands before scooting a little closer, just a few centimetres and Kyuhyun’s face heats up a few degrees.
It’s ridiculous, their positions haven’t changed too much yet to Kyuhyun it felt like miles. He scooted too, heart racing even more, they keep doing this until they’re practically pressed side-to-side and Kyuhyun can feel Yesung’s breath on his face. He’s tempted to push forward, claim those sinful lips in a loving dance but he resists, he waits, he lets Yesung catch his breath in this rush. The older man squeezes his hand again and Kyuhyun’s jumping on the inside, he’s found his real solution… the one he’d been searching for for years.
“Help me be happy again, Hyung. Only you can do it… I love only you.” And Kyuhyun does feel happy for the first time since he was eighteen. He smiles and he feels like a little part of him that he lost a long time ago, comes back. He feels a gaping hole in his chest start to heal. It’s not bottomless anymore but it’s not filled… yet. But then he looks at Yesung, with those eyes of his, full of endless love, and he knows that one day it will be filled… filled to the brim and overflowing.
Kyuhyun knows this isn’t addiction, its love.
♥규 성♥
Yesung sees a glimmer of the sparkle in Kyuhyun’s eyes and his smile almost splits his face. He can’t control himself as he presses forward, kisses him sweetly on the lips and tears silently fall… he wants to stop, he wants the tears to stop once and for all because he’s not in that loop anymore. He’s not stuck doing nothing, he’s doing something yet he’s crying all the same. Kyuhyun pulls away, the kiss nothing but soft, and wipes his tears gently, gentler than Yesung remembers Kyuhyun ever being.
Everything’s blurry and he’s still crying but Kyuhyun shushes him, kisses his nose and they fall into clean, white sheets. Yesung’s head resting on Kyuhyun’s shoulder as the younger man wraps him up in his arms. His heart beats rapidly, faster than speed of light, probably, and he snuggles further, still crying, tears he can’t understand. He wraps his arms around Kyuhyun’s middle and kisses his neck.
“I’m sorry… I’m so happy… yet I can’t… I can’t stop crying…” Yesung mumbles against Kyuhyun’s shirt, the cloth soaked. Yesung hears Kyuhyun chuckle and knows that it’ll all be alright. The sound is musical and heart-warming to his ears, possibly the best thing he’s ever heard. He’s pulled closer, more than what’s supposed to be humanly possible and practically sputters at the proximity. He’s been even closer to Kyuhyun than this and yet this feels better than any other embrace, the warmth overwhelming. He can’t help but bury himself into it, feeling higher than the moon and brighter than the sun.
“These… are the most beautiful tears I’ve ever seen.” Kyuhyun whispers against his hair and whilst Yesung is utterly baffled, his insides are doing somersaults all over the place because it was undoubtedly romantic. Though he’s sure, no matter what Kyuhyun says, it’ll sound right out of the best romance novels, there was just that thing about his voice that Yesung could never pinpoint but he made the dullest of phrases come to life - make him swoon so easily.
“They’re also the happiest tears I’ve ever seen.”
That thing in his chest purrs and his tears finally stop, resting completely in Kyuhyun’s embrace. He reaches up, compelled by that something, and kisses Kyuhyun’s chin, whispering ‘I love you’ across his skin. Kyuhyun whispers it back, wonderful and smooth like always, pulling Yesung almost fully onto him and kisses the top of his head. It’s the best feeling in the world and when Yesung’s tears have all dried up and Kyuhyun’s stroking his hair like never before, placing the tiniest of kisses on his head, and he knows this is what he wanted to drown in this entire time.
He doesn’t have to pretend that that something isn’t love anymore.
♥규 성♥
Kyuhyun and Yesung are fundamentally drawn together. Yesung and Kyuhyun are in love.
♥규 성♥
<
Word Count: 10.3K
A/N: Yups they're definitely getting longer...Lols...I totally slaved over this and am still so unsure about it...well, happy Valentines day guys! Have lots of kisses from me ok? *kiss kiss kiss kiss kiss*