I Am No Angel Chapter 5
Title: I Am No Angel
Author: Miss Meh
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Gabriel, Adam/Michael
Rating: R for swearing and implied sexual situations
Warnings: AU, copious amounts of fluff and sexual innuendo, fusion with Beauty and the Beast
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 4834
Status: WIP
Summary: His wings always seemed to be the problem, Castiel figured. But when he and his family move to Sioux Falls and he meets a Beast locked away in a castle, could his wings be the solution?
A/N: Thank you to my beta, Delu.
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Chapter Five: I turn my head
I can’t shake the look you gave that I’m good as dead
‘Cause all those eyes are all it takes
And all I want is you.
--“Under Control” Parachute
Castiel wasn’t trying to avoid Dean. Unfortunately, Dean appeared to be going out of his way to steer clear of him and Castiel was somewhat startled when he realized that he missed him. He also found that he was feeling things that he had never felt before-mostly, guilt. Not only had he not helped to free anyone as of yet, he had also managed to completely alienate Dean-the only friend he had ever had. It wasn’t important that Dean still hadn’t told him how exactly he was supposed to save them. Likewise, it didn’t matter that he was still utterly confused by Dean’s seemingly impromptu marriage proposal. All Castiel could think about was the fact that he had only been there for two weeks and he had already messed everything up.
Deciding that he needed to fix things, he went to see Samuel. Well, actually, he stared at Samuel until the clock came to see him. Samuel finally pulled Castiel aside after an entire meal of the angel staring awkwardly at him while Dean tried to avoid, well, everybody. Samuel looked slightly amused and only a little unnerved as he cornered him.
“Castiel,” he said, his lips quirking. “I got the feeling you wanted to talk to me?”
Castiel inclined his head. “Yes, I have a question and I did not wish to make anyone uncomfortable by asking at the table.”
Samuel snorted. “You mean you didn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable since you obviously didn’t care all that much about how comfortable I would be with all that staring.” At Castiel’s confused head tilt, Samuel rolled his eyes. “Nevermind. Whaddya want Castiel?”
Castiel’s face grew troubled. “I find myself somewhat perplexed. Perhaps you could offer me some insight.” He scowled at the space next to Samuel’s head as he pondered and ignored the clock’s squirming. “Dean asked me to marry him. I have thought much on the subject and have been unable to find the purpose for such an action.”
Samuel spluttered. “He asked you to-?” Castiel looked on, bemused, as Samuel doubled over, laughing hysterically. He was panting now and gasping between breaths, “He actually asked you?”
“I do not understand, Samuel,” he said. His confused expression became more pronounced. “Is there a reason you are laughing?”
Samuel snickered again when he saw the look on Castiel’s face but hastened to assure him, “It’s nothing, nothing.” He took a second to get his breathing back under control and muttered, “Good to see Dean still has his balls after all,” in an undertone that the angel wasn’t supposed to hear but did nonetheless. Castiel’s head was tilted almost parallel to the floor by this point-betraying his intense bewilderment over the whole situation and causing Samuel to choke back the rest of his laughter and take pity on him.
He cleared his throat. “What has Dean told you?” Samuel asked him.
“Only that I can save him because I am an angel,” Castiel replied.
Samuel sighed. “Of course he wouldn’t tell you anything more than that,” he huffed, shaking his head. “He’s so caught up in trying to keep his man card, it’s ridiculous. Basically, he’s just too damned embarrassed to tell you that the only way to save us is for you to fall in love with him.”
Castiel looked at Samuel blankly for a second. He supposed that he was a bit in shock. Of all the things he had imagined Samuel might tell him, this hadn’t even crossed his mind. Love was another one of those emotions he had no familiarity with-at least not the type of love he would have for Dean. He was used to the love and devotion he felt for his father and Michael. Those came naturally to him. Amorous sentiments, it would seem, did not.
From a very young age, Castiel had been conscious of the fact that he was not human. As a result of this awareness, humans had always fascinated him. He had noticed in his study of them that while the physical element of humanity was quite easily explained, the emotional aspect was not. As such, he had read extensively on the subject in an attempt to understand them. As he had found out, it wasn’t quite that simple. He couldn’t just learn about such abstract concepts through his books and he wondered if he would be able to understand it in practice when he could not seem to grasp the theory of it.
Castiel shifted his focus back to Samuel, who had been waiting patiently for him to finish processing his thoughts. “Samuel, I do not know if I can do this,” he said. Castiel could clearly hear the self-doubt and accusation in his own voice and hoped that Samuel could not. “I have always been somewhat removed from what emotions I do feel and I have never felt this manner of love. I do not even know if I am capable of it.” Castiel’s face creased in distress. “What if I am unable to save him?” His eyes widened in agony. “I have to save him! I swore that I would.”
“Woah, dude, calm down!” Samuel held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. “In case you hadn’t noticed, you’re at least halfway there. I mean, the way you’re acting right now, I’d say you’re already in love with him.” Castiel froze. Was it possible? Samuel waved a hand in front of Castiel’s face. “Are you all right, Castiel?”
“I am in love with Dean?” he gasped, ignoring Samuel’s question. A warm feeling suffused his chest and his head filled with images. Dean’s eyes peering over the window ledge at him. The hope on Dean’s face when Castiel had promised to help him. Dean laughing as they talked through the gate. Dean listening attentively as Castiel read him Romeo and Juliet. Dean. Dean. Dean. The feelings swept through him and his face widened in a smile so full of joy and love that it could have been spotted from Heaven. “I never thought it was possible.” His eyes narrowed on his companion in speculation. “Perhaps you are correct, Samuel.”
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Gabriel looked around the corner, keeping below eye level in a true eavesdropper’s fashion and attempting to tamp down his jealousy at the sight of his Sam exchanging a large goofy smile with Dean’s angel. That was his large fucking goofy smile, god damn it.
Gabriel lost himself for a few moments in his plotting. That’s it, he thought. I’ll throw a big vat of whipped cream on Sam and then offer to lick it off. There is no clearer sign of ownership than that. A self-satisfied smirk hovered on his lips as he backed away from his corner post to put his plan into action. He didn’t realize that there was someone behind him until he bumped into him.
“Oof,” he huffed as he landed on his gold plated ass. “What the fu-” He looked up and saw Castiel staring down at him with one of the many varieties of confused the angel seemed to wear at all times. Gabriel turned back to where his Sam-and yes, the possessive pronoun was mandatory-and Castiel had been conversing mere seconds ago. “I thought you were supposed to be an angel not a creepy-ass ninja. Make some god damn noise when you walk,” he snapped, more out of surprise than out of any real anger.
Castiel’s eyebrows furrowed. “I am sorry that I startled you. I was curious,” he said, his face betraying no such interest. But hey, Gabriel thought. I’m not exactly an expert in ANGEL BODY LANGUAGE 101. “I have noticed that you recently began following Samuel around the castle and find myself somewhat perplexed. Why would you need to do this? Are you and he not-” He stopped to think for a second as though attempting to choose the correct expression. “-lovers?” he finished.
Gabriel’s face twisted when he heard the word ‘lovers’. Like he needed someone else to remind him of the fact that his Sam was not in fact his Sam yet. “No, we are not lovers,” he sneered. “But he is mine, so don’t go getting any ideas. We’ve been together since way before you were born, bucko, and I’m not letting some Angel Boy swoop in and take him from me.” He could feel his candles flare with the force of his anger, but didn’t have the will to control it.
The angel’s eyes widened. “I have no designs on Samuel,” he said seriously, his eyes boring into Gabriel’s in an attempt to assure him of his sincerity.
Gabriel’s flames died down as his irritation cooled and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, fine, whatever.” He had to admit, he was a bit relieved though. Castiel studied Gabriel with his head canted to one side as though the candelabra were a puzzle he was having difficulty putting together. “What?” Gabriel snapped impatiently.
The feathery bastard just blinked at him. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, Gabriel could feel the wax bubbling on his forehead. “You wish to discover something about Samuel, to ask him a question. If this is the case, why must you follow him? Why not simply ask?”
Gabriel exploded. “Just because, god damn it! Our relationship just doesn’t fucking work like that. I can’t simply ask Sam to go on a date with me. Not when I spent the last too god damn many years avoiding romantic crap because here I thought we were both men and I didn’t need to be a total sap to win him over. Then you show up and lo and behold-what do you know-turns out Sam’s got more in common with the fairer sex than just his hair.” Gabriel’s tone softened. “And I might actually want to give him all that sentimental shit after all.” His eyes sharpened on the angel. “But I have to make it as fucking perfect as I can before I-”
Castiel stepped forward, his eyes wide and earnest. “If Samuel is in any way similar to Dean, then he will not care what it is you do for him. The only thing that will matter is that it is you doing it.”
Gabriel stared after him in shock as the angel dipped his head in a farewell gesture and made his way down the corridor.
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Michael couldn’t help but think about his confrontation with Lucifer as he rushed to find the godforsaken castle his brother was trapped in. He had forcibly pushed it aside in his mind as he planned the best possible way to get there and gathered what he would need for his trip. He knew the general direction in which Castiel had flown when he left, but even in a situation as stressful as the one he was in now, he wasn’t stupid enough to just wander into uncharted forest. So he followed the main trail in that direction and kept an eye out for side trails leading to the castle. After all, there must have been one way back when and the trees and brush that had grown over it couldn’t be nearly as large as those in the rest of the forest. When he finally set off, all he had to do was monitor his compass to make sure that he was still going in the same direction Castiel had, so naturally, his thoughts flipped back to the man he had once thought of as his best friend.
Lucifer hadn’t always been a-well, a crazy bastard. Back when he was in the army, they had been as close as brothers. Lucifer was impulsive, arrogant, and selfish, but somehow, Michael couldn’t seem to fault him for it since he was also charming and came across as a nice guy. He found himself looking after him as he would Castiel-not that his little brother had ever needed it, but still the sentiment was there. A few years saw Michael moving up in the ranks to become the leader of their regiment and Lucifer stood beside him as his trusted second. He had thought that nothing would ever come between them.
Then they were sent to foreign soil to fight a war the rest of the country didn’t even know about.
By the end of their time there, Michael had killed many soldiers and while he wasn’t exactly pleased with the number of souls on his conscience, he was at least able to placate himself with the notion that it was all for the sake of his duty. Moreover, he hadn’t taken the lives of any innocents and that had to count for something. What bothered him the most, however, was Lucifer’s lack of reaction to the amount of death that surrounded them. Taking lives didn’t seem to faze him at all.
When orders finally came for them to pack up and go home, Michael was greatly relieved. He was tired of living the life of a soldier and was looking forward to seeing his family again. The command to release all prisoners of war was expected and anticipated, so when it finally arrived, Michael felt a weight lift from his shoulders, happy that these men would not be burdens on his soul. He never imagined that some of his troops might feel different.
When he went to free the prisoners, he found that they were already dead, murdered by Lucifer and a few others. He had fought with Lucifer that day, demanding that he answer for what he had done, but his former comrade refused to repent. He said that such filth did not deserve to live and that he had to do it. Even after Michael had argued that there had been orders to release them, Lucifer still persisted in his refusal. Incensed, Michael had cast Lucifer and his followers out and led the rest of his troops back home. They hadn’t seen each other since.
Apparently, Lucifer was still shifting the blame and holding a grudge. That was fine; Michael could handle it. But now, Lucifer had involved his father and his brother in his convoluted hatred and that wasn’t acceptable.
Michael checked his compass and walked a little faster.
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Dean was avoiding Cas. He was man enough to admit it. But what the fuck was he supposed to do? The angel had rejected his proposal flat out. He hadn’t even thought about it first. And then he had run away, not even sparing Dean a second glance. So, yeah, Dean was sulking and he was only slightly ashamed to admit it. Sam had tried to talk to him about it the day after it happened, but seriously, he didn’t want to talk to his brother about his frickin’ love life. Not that he would ever admit that he was in love with the guy, not after being rejected like that.
Dean missed him, though, and he regretted opening his stupid mouth in the first place. He began to both hate and love the meals they shared because while he wanted to be around Cas, and he loved any excuse to be together, it was also so unbearably awkward that he almost couldn’t stand it. The angel would sit there and stare at him, and he would sit there and struggle to keep himself from falling into the temptation to stare back, and Sam, Gabe, and Adam just tried to avoid looking at either of them. It was just so fucking awkward all around.
This routine had lasted for several days when something changed. Dean could feel it, even if he didn’t see it. Cas wasn’t looking at him. Dean’s head jerked up at this realization and he found himself looking directly at his angel for the first time in days. The problem was that his angel was gazing at Sam. A sense of wrongness filled him and he lowered his eyes before anyone had a chance to notice that he was looking. His thoughts churned. Cas didn’t look at Sam. It wasn’t right. Cas didn’t look at anyone the way he looked at Dean. But Dean had fucked up and now his angel was looking at Sam. Dean couldn’t stand it.
When Sam and Cas left the dining room together, Dean growled, startling Adam who was the only one left at the table. “Dude, what the hell’s been up with you lately?” Adam demanded. “You won’t talk to us and you’re terrifying the rest of the castle on purpose.” He sighed when he saw the sulky look on Dean’s face. “Did you have a fight with the angel or something?”
Dean’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe,” he huffed, his tone sullen. “I might have-” He swallowed, embarrassed. “-asked him to marry me.”
Adam closed his eyes and let out a frustrated breath. “Dean,” he said between gritted teeth. “I know that you’ve always been the pretty one in the family, but this time I really have to ask. Are you stupid? Because, even with all of your so-called experience, you still pull bone-head moves like this.” Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Adam kept speaking, cutting him off. “Have you even told the angel that you have feelings for him, or hell, about what he’ll have to do to break the curse?” When Dean shook his head, Adam snapped at him. “You’re doing this out of order, Dean. You don’t ask the angel to fucking marry you before you at least assure him that you love him. And even if you didn’t want to do that, you could tell him that it was necessary for our freedom. He seems like the self-sacrificing type, if you want him to martyr himself for you,” he drawled sarcastically. “What you don’t do is ask him to marry you without giving him some kind of clue as to why. You probably confused the hell out of him by doing that.”
Dean hung his head, knowing his brother was right. “When did you become the older brother?” He let a teasing grin tug at his lips for a moment before he sighed. “I s’pose I should go talk to Cas now, huh?”
Adam rolled his eyes. “I’d say.” Then he hopped out the door leaving Dean to go work things out with his angel.
Dean knew that he needed to find Cas, but he had no fucking clue where to even begin searching. So when he left the dining area and saw him waiting outside, Dean was understandably relieved. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he met the angel’s gaze with his own and allowed him to insinuate himself into Dean’s space. For a moment, they just stared at each other until finally Dean couldn’t take it anymore. He opened his mouth and got out, “Cas-”, before noticing his brother and the candle-prick boyfriend watching them from several yards away. He pursed his lips and, reaching out to grab Cas’s wrist, proceeded to drag his angel down the hall toward the library. Cas didn’t protest this treatment so Dean barreled on, pointedly ignoring Sam’s smirk as they passed.
They were silent as they traversed the distance between the dining hall and the library. When they finally reached it, Dean hustled the angel through the entrance and then closed it quickly. He leaned back against the door and let out a breath in an attempt to calm himself before they started their little talk. Dean didn’t notice that he was still holding Cas’s arm until he felt warm fingers stroke the fur on his wrist. He looked down at the place where fingertips disappeared into pelt for a second before lifting his gaze to meet the angel’s eyes.
“Dean,” Cas said, his voice low and soft. “There is something important I need to tell you.”
“Yeah, me too, Cas.” Dean swallowed nervously and tried to gather his courage before rushing on, “I wanted to apologize.” The angel opened his mouth to speak but Dean cut him off. “No, no, just let me get this out. I shouldn’t’ve asked you to marry me. It was a mistake and I’m really sorry, Cas.” He felt Cas’s fingers stop stroking him at the same time he saw his angel’s face freeze. “Cas?” he asked, worriedly. “What’s-?” Dean thought he saw a flash of pain in the angel’s eyes and trailed off, completely bewildered.
The emotion was gone before Dean could comment on it and Cas was smiling softly at him. There was something wrong with his eyes, but Dean couldn’t put his finger on what it was. “There is nothing for you to apologize for. It is not blame that falls on you, Dean; it is fate.” Okay, now he was even more confused. Just what exactly was the angel talking about? “Samuel told me about the provisions of your curse,” Cas informed him.
It took a second for the implications of that statement to sink in. He went very still before he exploded. “What?!?” Dean growled, his teeth bared. Cas didn’t look impressed by this display of ferocity, simply gazing at him intently as was usual. “Why the fuck would he do a thing like that? He had no right!” He shook his head, agitated by what he saw as a betrayal.
“I asked him to tell me, Dean,” Cas stated quietly. “I could not understand why you would ask me such a question. Samuel was kind enough to explain it to me.” He caught Dean’s eyes with his own and reached a hand out to tangle his fingers back into the fur on Dean’s shoulder. “Do not worry, Dean. We will figure out a way to get you out of the more-undesirable-particulars of your curse.”
Dean knew he was in deep shit. How was he supposed to explain to Cas that he hadn’t asked him to marry him because of the curse? In fact, at this point, he could give a fuck about the curse. Even if Cas weren’t an angel and he had the most beautiful god damned woman in the world on her knees before him offering free blowjobs, Dean wouldn’t hesitate. He would choose Cas every time. And it was in that moment, he knew that he must be in love with the angel. Hell, the guy had him turning down oral sex from well-endowed women-even if it was all in his head.
Even so, he wasn’t sure he was confident enough to actually admit any of this out loud. Not without knowing how Cas felt about him first. He had already suffered through one rejection and he wasn’t sure he was ready to go through another.
Dean fidgeted a bit as he thought all of this through, but realizing that he was evading the angel’s gaze again, finally looked back up into Cas’s eyes. “Does this mean I can stop avoiding you now?” He attempted to force his face into a grin, but it probably came out looking more like a grimace.
Cas tipped his head slightly to the side. He ignored Dean’s teasing and said with utmost sincerity, “Dean, I have no wish for you to stay away from me.” He stepped forward, invading Dean’s personal space even more thoroughly and causing Dean to gulp when he felt the angel’s breath brush his face. “I believe that we should spend even more time together. How will we get to know each other well enough to break the curse if we do not do so?”
Dean was sure that Cas had no idea what he was implying with that statement, but even so, that didn’t stop his heart from doubling in speed and his breath from going ragged. “Of course, Cas,” he finally got out while trying to avoid tripping over his own tongue. “Whatever you say.”
Cas looked somewhat pleased and surprised by Dean’s agreement and as he found himself asking the angel if he would read some more Shakespeare, Dean couldn’t help thinking that he was totally screwed.
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Castiel’s mind was racing as he read to Dean from A Midsummer Night’s Dream. How was he supposed to confess his feelings when Dean considered proposing to him a ‘mistake’? It seemed that love involved more emotions than just love itself; there was also pain. Castiel had felt physical pain before-cramping muscles after a hard day of work and the quickly healing paper cuts from his reading days-but, he had been shocked to feel something strikingly similar earlier when Dean had apologized to him. On top of that, he had also felt a strong sense of ownership. He wanted Dean to belong to him. This proprietary sensation had intensified when he had felt Dean’s fur running through his fingers and he had no idea what to make of it. Castiel had not a clue as to what he was supposed to do with all of these new and fairly terrifying emotions.
So he did the only thing he could do. He pushed his feelings aside for the moment and continued reading.
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Adam was feeling a bit left out these days. It was weird in the castle now that his brothers both had boyfriends and, no, it wasn’t because he was the only remaining non-gay Winchester. Well, okay, that was a bit confusing for him. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if, somewhere down the road, he would discover his own predilection for men. Hell, if it ran so deeply in the Winchester blood that both of his brothers had succumbed to it, well, he supposed he might end up with a guy too. He was actually surprisingly okay with that. What the hell? he thought. I’ve been alone so long; it’d be nice to have anyone, male or female.
But really, the gay thing wasn’t his problem. It was just that, well, he missed his brothers. Sam and Dean both seemed to have disappeared from his life simultaneously. Although he was used to Sam spending a lot of time with Gabriel, the candle-man had pretty much made himself a part of the family over the last century, so it really wasn’t a big deal. Lately, though, it seemed like there was something hinky with their relationship, so neither one of them had been up for spending time with the annoying little brother. And Dean- hell, Dean and his angel were so consumed by each other that Adam didn’t think they even noticed there were other people in the room sometimes.
So, it was actually just coincidence that they were all gathered in the dining room one evening-the only place they were ever really all together anymore-when the sound of the gate crashing open could be heard clearly from outside. Adam and his-extended-family looked at each other for a moment before they all rushed down to the front entranceway. The doors swung open and a man stepped through with calm, yet hurried, determined steps. Adam heard Castiel’s shocked intake of breath, but he was too busy concentrating on the stranger to take much notice of it.
The man was tall and broad shouldered and, though he couldn’t be older than twenty-five, he carried himself with all of the self-assurance of a commanding officer. He was so obviously military that even his dark brown hair, for all that it had grown out, still echoed the short, rigid style it had once sported. His blue eyes sparkled intelligently from beneath a strong, dark brow and the sharp nose and cheekbones were somehow made all the more masculine by the soft lips they framed. All in all, a very good looking man-quite intriguing. Now the only question was what the hell was a guy like that doing here?
Oh fuck, he thought in self-disgust. I’m turning into one of Sam’s stupid, girly romance novels.
The question-which had been forgotten in Adam’s abject horror at the thought that yes, he really was more like his brother than he would have ever wished to be-was answered almost immediately when Castiel hurried forward and pulled the man into a hug. Adam felt Dean stiffen at his side as the man returned the embrace before pulling away, leaving his hands on the angel’s shoulders. “Castiel,” he said. “It is good to see you.”
“Michael, what are you doing here?” the angel replied. Adam was aware of the tension leave his brother when he heard the words and could only wonder at it.
The man-Michael, he thought-became, if possible, even more stern in appearance and Adam could tell that whatever news he had for Castiel wouldn’t be good. “Father was taken,” he said gravely. “By Lucifer.”
Chapter Four | Masterpost | Chapter Six
Author: Miss Meh
Pairing: Dean/Castiel, Sam/Gabriel, Adam/Michael
Rating: R for swearing and implied sexual situations
Warnings: AU, copious amounts of fluff and sexual innuendo, fusion with Beauty and the Beast
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 4834
Status: WIP
Summary: His wings always seemed to be the problem, Castiel figured. But when he and his family move to Sioux Falls and he meets a Beast locked away in a castle, could his wings be the solution?
A/N: Thank you to my beta, Delu.
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Chapter Five: I turn my head
I can’t shake the look you gave that I’m good as dead
‘Cause all those eyes are all it takes
And all I want is you.
--“Under Control” Parachute
Castiel wasn’t trying to avoid Dean. Unfortunately, Dean appeared to be going out of his way to steer clear of him and Castiel was somewhat startled when he realized that he missed him. He also found that he was feeling things that he had never felt before-mostly, guilt. Not only had he not helped to free anyone as of yet, he had also managed to completely alienate Dean-the only friend he had ever had. It wasn’t important that Dean still hadn’t told him how exactly he was supposed to save them. Likewise, it didn’t matter that he was still utterly confused by Dean’s seemingly impromptu marriage proposal. All Castiel could think about was the fact that he had only been there for two weeks and he had already messed everything up.
Deciding that he needed to fix things, he went to see Samuel. Well, actually, he stared at Samuel until the clock came to see him. Samuel finally pulled Castiel aside after an entire meal of the angel staring awkwardly at him while Dean tried to avoid, well, everybody. Samuel looked slightly amused and only a little unnerved as he cornered him.
“Castiel,” he said, his lips quirking. “I got the feeling you wanted to talk to me?”
Castiel inclined his head. “Yes, I have a question and I did not wish to make anyone uncomfortable by asking at the table.”
Samuel snorted. “You mean you didn’t want to make Dean uncomfortable since you obviously didn’t care all that much about how comfortable I would be with all that staring.” At Castiel’s confused head tilt, Samuel rolled his eyes. “Nevermind. Whaddya want Castiel?”
Castiel’s face grew troubled. “I find myself somewhat perplexed. Perhaps you could offer me some insight.” He scowled at the space next to Samuel’s head as he pondered and ignored the clock’s squirming. “Dean asked me to marry him. I have thought much on the subject and have been unable to find the purpose for such an action.”
Samuel spluttered. “He asked you to-?” Castiel looked on, bemused, as Samuel doubled over, laughing hysterically. He was panting now and gasping between breaths, “He actually asked you?”
“I do not understand, Samuel,” he said. His confused expression became more pronounced. “Is there a reason you are laughing?”
Samuel snickered again when he saw the look on Castiel’s face but hastened to assure him, “It’s nothing, nothing.” He took a second to get his breathing back under control and muttered, “Good to see Dean still has his balls after all,” in an undertone that the angel wasn’t supposed to hear but did nonetheless. Castiel’s head was tilted almost parallel to the floor by this point-betraying his intense bewilderment over the whole situation and causing Samuel to choke back the rest of his laughter and take pity on him.
He cleared his throat. “What has Dean told you?” Samuel asked him.
“Only that I can save him because I am an angel,” Castiel replied.
Samuel sighed. “Of course he wouldn’t tell you anything more than that,” he huffed, shaking his head. “He’s so caught up in trying to keep his man card, it’s ridiculous. Basically, he’s just too damned embarrassed to tell you that the only way to save us is for you to fall in love with him.”
Castiel looked at Samuel blankly for a second. He supposed that he was a bit in shock. Of all the things he had imagined Samuel might tell him, this hadn’t even crossed his mind. Love was another one of those emotions he had no familiarity with-at least not the type of love he would have for Dean. He was used to the love and devotion he felt for his father and Michael. Those came naturally to him. Amorous sentiments, it would seem, did not.
From a very young age, Castiel had been conscious of the fact that he was not human. As a result of this awareness, humans had always fascinated him. He had noticed in his study of them that while the physical element of humanity was quite easily explained, the emotional aspect was not. As such, he had read extensively on the subject in an attempt to understand them. As he had found out, it wasn’t quite that simple. He couldn’t just learn about such abstract concepts through his books and he wondered if he would be able to understand it in practice when he could not seem to grasp the theory of it.
Castiel shifted his focus back to Samuel, who had been waiting patiently for him to finish processing his thoughts. “Samuel, I do not know if I can do this,” he said. Castiel could clearly hear the self-doubt and accusation in his own voice and hoped that Samuel could not. “I have always been somewhat removed from what emotions I do feel and I have never felt this manner of love. I do not even know if I am capable of it.” Castiel’s face creased in distress. “What if I am unable to save him?” His eyes widened in agony. “I have to save him! I swore that I would.”
“Woah, dude, calm down!” Samuel held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. “In case you hadn’t noticed, you’re at least halfway there. I mean, the way you’re acting right now, I’d say you’re already in love with him.” Castiel froze. Was it possible? Samuel waved a hand in front of Castiel’s face. “Are you all right, Castiel?”
“I am in love with Dean?” he gasped, ignoring Samuel’s question. A warm feeling suffused his chest and his head filled with images. Dean’s eyes peering over the window ledge at him. The hope on Dean’s face when Castiel had promised to help him. Dean laughing as they talked through the gate. Dean listening attentively as Castiel read him Romeo and Juliet. Dean. Dean. Dean. The feelings swept through him and his face widened in a smile so full of joy and love that it could have been spotted from Heaven. “I never thought it was possible.” His eyes narrowed on his companion in speculation. “Perhaps you are correct, Samuel.”
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Gabriel looked around the corner, keeping below eye level in a true eavesdropper’s fashion and attempting to tamp down his jealousy at the sight of his Sam exchanging a large goofy smile with Dean’s angel. That was his large fucking goofy smile, god damn it.
Gabriel lost himself for a few moments in his plotting. That’s it, he thought. I’ll throw a big vat of whipped cream on Sam and then offer to lick it off. There is no clearer sign of ownership than that. A self-satisfied smirk hovered on his lips as he backed away from his corner post to put his plan into action. He didn’t realize that there was someone behind him until he bumped into him.
“Oof,” he huffed as he landed on his gold plated ass. “What the fu-” He looked up and saw Castiel staring down at him with one of the many varieties of confused the angel seemed to wear at all times. Gabriel turned back to where his Sam-and yes, the possessive pronoun was mandatory-and Castiel had been conversing mere seconds ago. “I thought you were supposed to be an angel not a creepy-ass ninja. Make some god damn noise when you walk,” he snapped, more out of surprise than out of any real anger.
Castiel’s eyebrows furrowed. “I am sorry that I startled you. I was curious,” he said, his face betraying no such interest. But hey, Gabriel thought. I’m not exactly an expert in ANGEL BODY LANGUAGE 101. “I have noticed that you recently began following Samuel around the castle and find myself somewhat perplexed. Why would you need to do this? Are you and he not-” He stopped to think for a second as though attempting to choose the correct expression. “-lovers?” he finished.
Gabriel’s face twisted when he heard the word ‘lovers’. Like he needed someone else to remind him of the fact that his Sam was not in fact his Sam yet. “No, we are not lovers,” he sneered. “But he is mine, so don’t go getting any ideas. We’ve been together since way before you were born, bucko, and I’m not letting some Angel Boy swoop in and take him from me.” He could feel his candles flare with the force of his anger, but didn’t have the will to control it.
The angel’s eyes widened. “I have no designs on Samuel,” he said seriously, his eyes boring into Gabriel’s in an attempt to assure him of his sincerity.
Gabriel’s flames died down as his irritation cooled and he rolled his eyes. “Yeah, fine, whatever.” He had to admit, he was a bit relieved though. Castiel studied Gabriel with his head canted to one side as though the candelabra were a puzzle he was having difficulty putting together. “What?” Gabriel snapped impatiently.
The feathery bastard just blinked at him. By the time he opened his mouth to speak, Gabriel could feel the wax bubbling on his forehead. “You wish to discover something about Samuel, to ask him a question. If this is the case, why must you follow him? Why not simply ask?”
Gabriel exploded. “Just because, god damn it! Our relationship just doesn’t fucking work like that. I can’t simply ask Sam to go on a date with me. Not when I spent the last too god damn many years avoiding romantic crap because here I thought we were both men and I didn’t need to be a total sap to win him over. Then you show up and lo and behold-what do you know-turns out Sam’s got more in common with the fairer sex than just his hair.” Gabriel’s tone softened. “And I might actually want to give him all that sentimental shit after all.” His eyes sharpened on the angel. “But I have to make it as fucking perfect as I can before I-”
Castiel stepped forward, his eyes wide and earnest. “If Samuel is in any way similar to Dean, then he will not care what it is you do for him. The only thing that will matter is that it is you doing it.”
Gabriel stared after him in shock as the angel dipped his head in a farewell gesture and made his way down the corridor.
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Michael couldn’t help but think about his confrontation with Lucifer as he rushed to find the godforsaken castle his brother was trapped in. He had forcibly pushed it aside in his mind as he planned the best possible way to get there and gathered what he would need for his trip. He knew the general direction in which Castiel had flown when he left, but even in a situation as stressful as the one he was in now, he wasn’t stupid enough to just wander into uncharted forest. So he followed the main trail in that direction and kept an eye out for side trails leading to the castle. After all, there must have been one way back when and the trees and brush that had grown over it couldn’t be nearly as large as those in the rest of the forest. When he finally set off, all he had to do was monitor his compass to make sure that he was still going in the same direction Castiel had, so naturally, his thoughts flipped back to the man he had once thought of as his best friend.
Lucifer hadn’t always been a-well, a crazy bastard. Back when he was in the army, they had been as close as brothers. Lucifer was impulsive, arrogant, and selfish, but somehow, Michael couldn’t seem to fault him for it since he was also charming and came across as a nice guy. He found himself looking after him as he would Castiel-not that his little brother had ever needed it, but still the sentiment was there. A few years saw Michael moving up in the ranks to become the leader of their regiment and Lucifer stood beside him as his trusted second. He had thought that nothing would ever come between them.
Then they were sent to foreign soil to fight a war the rest of the country didn’t even know about.
By the end of their time there, Michael had killed many soldiers and while he wasn’t exactly pleased with the number of souls on his conscience, he was at least able to placate himself with the notion that it was all for the sake of his duty. Moreover, he hadn’t taken the lives of any innocents and that had to count for something. What bothered him the most, however, was Lucifer’s lack of reaction to the amount of death that surrounded them. Taking lives didn’t seem to faze him at all.
When orders finally came for them to pack up and go home, Michael was greatly relieved. He was tired of living the life of a soldier and was looking forward to seeing his family again. The command to release all prisoners of war was expected and anticipated, so when it finally arrived, Michael felt a weight lift from his shoulders, happy that these men would not be burdens on his soul. He never imagined that some of his troops might feel different.
When he went to free the prisoners, he found that they were already dead, murdered by Lucifer and a few others. He had fought with Lucifer that day, demanding that he answer for what he had done, but his former comrade refused to repent. He said that such filth did not deserve to live and that he had to do it. Even after Michael had argued that there had been orders to release them, Lucifer still persisted in his refusal. Incensed, Michael had cast Lucifer and his followers out and led the rest of his troops back home. They hadn’t seen each other since.
Apparently, Lucifer was still shifting the blame and holding a grudge. That was fine; Michael could handle it. But now, Lucifer had involved his father and his brother in his convoluted hatred and that wasn’t acceptable.
Michael checked his compass and walked a little faster.
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Dean was avoiding Cas. He was man enough to admit it. But what the fuck was he supposed to do? The angel had rejected his proposal flat out. He hadn’t even thought about it first. And then he had run away, not even sparing Dean a second glance. So, yeah, Dean was sulking and he was only slightly ashamed to admit it. Sam had tried to talk to him about it the day after it happened, but seriously, he didn’t want to talk to his brother about his frickin’ love life. Not that he would ever admit that he was in love with the guy, not after being rejected like that.
Dean missed him, though, and he regretted opening his stupid mouth in the first place. He began to both hate and love the meals they shared because while he wanted to be around Cas, and he loved any excuse to be together, it was also so unbearably awkward that he almost couldn’t stand it. The angel would sit there and stare at him, and he would sit there and struggle to keep himself from falling into the temptation to stare back, and Sam, Gabe, and Adam just tried to avoid looking at either of them. It was just so fucking awkward all around.
This routine had lasted for several days when something changed. Dean could feel it, even if he didn’t see it. Cas wasn’t looking at him. Dean’s head jerked up at this realization and he found himself looking directly at his angel for the first time in days. The problem was that his angel was gazing at Sam. A sense of wrongness filled him and he lowered his eyes before anyone had a chance to notice that he was looking. His thoughts churned. Cas didn’t look at Sam. It wasn’t right. Cas didn’t look at anyone the way he looked at Dean. But Dean had fucked up and now his angel was looking at Sam. Dean couldn’t stand it.
When Sam and Cas left the dining room together, Dean growled, startling Adam who was the only one left at the table. “Dude, what the hell’s been up with you lately?” Adam demanded. “You won’t talk to us and you’re terrifying the rest of the castle on purpose.” He sighed when he saw the sulky look on Dean’s face. “Did you have a fight with the angel or something?”
Dean’s shoulders slumped. “Maybe,” he huffed, his tone sullen. “I might have-” He swallowed, embarrassed. “-asked him to marry me.”
Adam closed his eyes and let out a frustrated breath. “Dean,” he said between gritted teeth. “I know that you’ve always been the pretty one in the family, but this time I really have to ask. Are you stupid? Because, even with all of your so-called experience, you still pull bone-head moves like this.” Dean opened his mouth to protest, but Adam kept speaking, cutting him off. “Have you even told the angel that you have feelings for him, or hell, about what he’ll have to do to break the curse?” When Dean shook his head, Adam snapped at him. “You’re doing this out of order, Dean. You don’t ask the angel to fucking marry you before you at least assure him that you love him. And even if you didn’t want to do that, you could tell him that it was necessary for our freedom. He seems like the self-sacrificing type, if you want him to martyr himself for you,” he drawled sarcastically. “What you don’t do is ask him to marry you without giving him some kind of clue as to why. You probably confused the hell out of him by doing that.”
Dean hung his head, knowing his brother was right. “When did you become the older brother?” He let a teasing grin tug at his lips for a moment before he sighed. “I s’pose I should go talk to Cas now, huh?”
Adam rolled his eyes. “I’d say.” Then he hopped out the door leaving Dean to go work things out with his angel.
Dean knew that he needed to find Cas, but he had no fucking clue where to even begin searching. So when he left the dining area and saw him waiting outside, Dean was understandably relieved. For the first time in what seemed like forever, he met the angel’s gaze with his own and allowed him to insinuate himself into Dean’s space. For a moment, they just stared at each other until finally Dean couldn’t take it anymore. He opened his mouth and got out, “Cas-”, before noticing his brother and the candle-prick boyfriend watching them from several yards away. He pursed his lips and, reaching out to grab Cas’s wrist, proceeded to drag his angel down the hall toward the library. Cas didn’t protest this treatment so Dean barreled on, pointedly ignoring Sam’s smirk as they passed.
They were silent as they traversed the distance between the dining hall and the library. When they finally reached it, Dean hustled the angel through the entrance and then closed it quickly. He leaned back against the door and let out a breath in an attempt to calm himself before they started their little talk. Dean didn’t notice that he was still holding Cas’s arm until he felt warm fingers stroke the fur on his wrist. He looked down at the place where fingertips disappeared into pelt for a second before lifting his gaze to meet the angel’s eyes.
“Dean,” Cas said, his voice low and soft. “There is something important I need to tell you.”
“Yeah, me too, Cas.” Dean swallowed nervously and tried to gather his courage before rushing on, “I wanted to apologize.” The angel opened his mouth to speak but Dean cut him off. “No, no, just let me get this out. I shouldn’t’ve asked you to marry me. It was a mistake and I’m really sorry, Cas.” He felt Cas’s fingers stop stroking him at the same time he saw his angel’s face freeze. “Cas?” he asked, worriedly. “What’s-?” Dean thought he saw a flash of pain in the angel’s eyes and trailed off, completely bewildered.
The emotion was gone before Dean could comment on it and Cas was smiling softly at him. There was something wrong with his eyes, but Dean couldn’t put his finger on what it was. “There is nothing for you to apologize for. It is not blame that falls on you, Dean; it is fate.” Okay, now he was even more confused. Just what exactly was the angel talking about? “Samuel told me about the provisions of your curse,” Cas informed him.
It took a second for the implications of that statement to sink in. He went very still before he exploded. “What?!?” Dean growled, his teeth bared. Cas didn’t look impressed by this display of ferocity, simply gazing at him intently as was usual. “Why the fuck would he do a thing like that? He had no right!” He shook his head, agitated by what he saw as a betrayal.
“I asked him to tell me, Dean,” Cas stated quietly. “I could not understand why you would ask me such a question. Samuel was kind enough to explain it to me.” He caught Dean’s eyes with his own and reached a hand out to tangle his fingers back into the fur on Dean’s shoulder. “Do not worry, Dean. We will figure out a way to get you out of the more-undesirable-particulars of your curse.”
Dean knew he was in deep shit. How was he supposed to explain to Cas that he hadn’t asked him to marry him because of the curse? In fact, at this point, he could give a fuck about the curse. Even if Cas weren’t an angel and he had the most beautiful god damned woman in the world on her knees before him offering free blowjobs, Dean wouldn’t hesitate. He would choose Cas every time. And it was in that moment, he knew that he must be in love with the angel. Hell, the guy had him turning down oral sex from well-endowed women-even if it was all in his head.
Even so, he wasn’t sure he was confident enough to actually admit any of this out loud. Not without knowing how Cas felt about him first. He had already suffered through one rejection and he wasn’t sure he was ready to go through another.
Dean fidgeted a bit as he thought all of this through, but realizing that he was evading the angel’s gaze again, finally looked back up into Cas’s eyes. “Does this mean I can stop avoiding you now?” He attempted to force his face into a grin, but it probably came out looking more like a grimace.
Cas tipped his head slightly to the side. He ignored Dean’s teasing and said with utmost sincerity, “Dean, I have no wish for you to stay away from me.” He stepped forward, invading Dean’s personal space even more thoroughly and causing Dean to gulp when he felt the angel’s breath brush his face. “I believe that we should spend even more time together. How will we get to know each other well enough to break the curse if we do not do so?”
Dean was sure that Cas had no idea what he was implying with that statement, but even so, that didn’t stop his heart from doubling in speed and his breath from going ragged. “Of course, Cas,” he finally got out while trying to avoid tripping over his own tongue. “Whatever you say.”
Cas looked somewhat pleased and surprised by Dean’s agreement and as he found himself asking the angel if he would read some more Shakespeare, Dean couldn’t help thinking that he was totally screwed.
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Castiel’s mind was racing as he read to Dean from A Midsummer Night’s Dream. How was he supposed to confess his feelings when Dean considered proposing to him a ‘mistake’? It seemed that love involved more emotions than just love itself; there was also pain. Castiel had felt physical pain before-cramping muscles after a hard day of work and the quickly healing paper cuts from his reading days-but, he had been shocked to feel something strikingly similar earlier when Dean had apologized to him. On top of that, he had also felt a strong sense of ownership. He wanted Dean to belong to him. This proprietary sensation had intensified when he had felt Dean’s fur running through his fingers and he had no idea what to make of it. Castiel had not a clue as to what he was supposed to do with all of these new and fairly terrifying emotions.
So he did the only thing he could do. He pushed his feelings aside for the moment and continued reading.
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Adam was feeling a bit left out these days. It was weird in the castle now that his brothers both had boyfriends and, no, it wasn’t because he was the only remaining non-gay Winchester. Well, okay, that was a bit confusing for him. He couldn’t stop himself from wondering if, somewhere down the road, he would discover his own predilection for men. Hell, if it ran so deeply in the Winchester blood that both of his brothers had succumbed to it, well, he supposed he might end up with a guy too. He was actually surprisingly okay with that. What the hell? he thought. I’ve been alone so long; it’d be nice to have anyone, male or female.
But really, the gay thing wasn’t his problem. It was just that, well, he missed his brothers. Sam and Dean both seemed to have disappeared from his life simultaneously. Although he was used to Sam spending a lot of time with Gabriel, the candle-man had pretty much made himself a part of the family over the last century, so it really wasn’t a big deal. Lately, though, it seemed like there was something hinky with their relationship, so neither one of them had been up for spending time with the annoying little brother. And Dean- hell, Dean and his angel were so consumed by each other that Adam didn’t think they even noticed there were other people in the room sometimes.
So, it was actually just coincidence that they were all gathered in the dining room one evening-the only place they were ever really all together anymore-when the sound of the gate crashing open could be heard clearly from outside. Adam and his-extended-family looked at each other for a moment before they all rushed down to the front entranceway. The doors swung open and a man stepped through with calm, yet hurried, determined steps. Adam heard Castiel’s shocked intake of breath, but he was too busy concentrating on the stranger to take much notice of it.
The man was tall and broad shouldered and, though he couldn’t be older than twenty-five, he carried himself with all of the self-assurance of a commanding officer. He was so obviously military that even his dark brown hair, for all that it had grown out, still echoed the short, rigid style it had once sported. His blue eyes sparkled intelligently from beneath a strong, dark brow and the sharp nose and cheekbones were somehow made all the more masculine by the soft lips they framed. All in all, a very good looking man-quite intriguing. Now the only question was what the hell was a guy like that doing here?
Oh fuck, he thought in self-disgust. I’m turning into one of Sam’s stupid, girly romance novels.
The question-which had been forgotten in Adam’s abject horror at the thought that yes, he really was more like his brother than he would have ever wished to be-was answered almost immediately when Castiel hurried forward and pulled the man into a hug. Adam felt Dean stiffen at his side as the man returned the embrace before pulling away, leaving his hands on the angel’s shoulders. “Castiel,” he said. “It is good to see you.”
“Michael, what are you doing here?” the angel replied. Adam was aware of the tension leave his brother when he heard the words and could only wonder at it.
The man-Michael, he thought-became, if possible, even more stern in appearance and Adam could tell that whatever news he had for Castiel wouldn’t be good. “Father was taken,” he said gravely. “By Lucifer.”
Chapter Four | Masterpost | Chapter Six