The Integrity of His Grace

Nov 18, 2012 22:53

Title: The Integrity of His Grace
Author: Miss Meh
Pairing: Adam/Michael, Sam/Gabriel, Dean/Castiel
Rating: R for language
Warnings: language, cuddling, Becky
Spoilers: takes place after season 5, season 6 doesn't happen 
Word Count: 4,497
Status: Complete
Sequel to:  That Knowing LookThe Center Of It AllHighly Informative PornA Muted Movie Without SubtitlesIt Almost Hurt to Look
Summary: His Father obviously expected Michael to stay with the human, and so that was what he was going to do.  This idea had been reinforced when he had awoken on Earth with Adam sleeping in his arms.



A/N:  Oh my god, it’s been eleven months.  I have not updated the fic in almost a year.  I am so ashamed of myself.  This fic has been sitting unfinished on my computer since March.  I truly apologize to all of my readers who have stuck with me for this long.  I swear that it will not take me another year to post the final chapter.  I already have a good portion of it written, and I hope to have it posted in the next two weeks, but if that is impossible, I promise to have it finished by the end of the year.  Thank you so much for bearing with me. :)

Thank you to my beta, Delu, who had to completely restructure portions of this fic because I made the mistake of trying to write at three in the morning.

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Michael was old.  He was the first of the angels.  He had been there to see, and occasionally assist, in the creation of each of his fellow angels.  He had been there to see the creation of the cosmos, the galaxies, the planets, and eventually, the organisms that resided upon them.  He had been there when God created His masterpiece-His humans.

Unlike many of his brothers and sisters, Michael had never harbored any ill will toward the humans for being his Father’s favorite creations.  It was God’s will that the humans be held in high esteem, and he had never considered it his place to question the will of his Father.

As he had been the first of them, he was also the first of the angels to take a vessel.  While it had never been attempted before, Michael had been confident.  These humans were composed of flesh and blood; they were simple creatures.  In his arrogance, he had been sure that he would not fail in this first attempt to share one of these bodies with the soul inside of it.  In this, he had been wrong.

Michael had been unprepared for the overwhelming magnitude of the human emotions that had been attempting to merge with his very essence.  In an effort to escape the unfamiliar sensations, Michael had exploded out of his vessel, protecting the integrity of his grace, but killing the unfortunate human in the process.  He would forever regret the consequences of his instinctual reaction to this perceived encroachment upon his grace.

God had forgiven Michael for the tragedy caused by his first attempt to take a vessel.  Michael, on the other hand, had never forgiven himself.

His Father had known-in the way that only God could-just what Michael needed.  He had enacted rules governing the use and treatment of vessels.  Many of his brothers and sisters had forgotten or chosen to ignore these directives after their Father had departed Heaven, but Michael never had.  Vessels were to be honored, cherished, protected.  Barriers were to be created to ensure the separation of the human’s soul and the angel’s grace so that Michael’s mistake would never be repeated again.  It was an angel’s duty to care for and respect their vessel, and this was a duty that Michael did not take lightly.  He refused to cause another human death as a result of his own carelessness.

Michael had lived up to this vow for thousands of human years, and he had never been tempted to break it.

Then he had taken Adam Milligan as his vessel.

There hadn’t been a problem while they had been on Earth.  Adam’s body had not been the perfect vessel for him-that honor went to his older brother, Dean-so there had not been a great amount of space available.  As a result, the boy had been kept unconscious and out of his way.

Everything had been fine, or at least as close to fine as things could be considering the circumstances.  Michael was not happy about the fact that he would have to kill his brother, Lucifer, but events were unfolding as God had willed them to.  The archangel had been preparing himself for that day since his brother had fallen from grace.  This was not something that could be changed.  Killing Lucifer was his duty, and Michael always abided by his duty.

Then the Winchester brothers had changed everything by opening the pit.

Michael had been to Hell before, but he had never been in Hell before.  As they fell, he had been ripped from Adam’s body before both he and the boy had been locked in the Cage with Lucifer and his vessel, Sam.

Lucifer may have been considered his brother at one time-a part of Michael insisted that they still were brothers-but that had been a long time ago.  Michael barely even recognized the other angel any more, and the shadows that marred what had once been his grace were even more hideous to behold when they were no longer shielded behind a vessel.  Lucifer’s grace was so twisted, so dark, that there were only traces remaining of the archangel who had once been described as the Light Bringer.

Things had been different down in Hell.  He and Adam had no longer been merged, but Michael had still considered it his duty to protect the human from Lucifer’s sadistic tendencies.  The boy’s soul had been fragile, breakable, and Michael had been unable to sit back and watch when his brother had turned his sights on Adam.  Though Michael and Sam Winchester had been much better equipped to deal with Lucifer’s attentions, Adam hadn’t been.  The other Winchester was, to Michael’s eyes, softer and unused to the battles fought between Heaven and Hell.  So Michael had taken the boy under his wing and made sure that Lucifer wouldn’t be able to touch him.

Adam would be safe.

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Time flowed at an almost imperceptible rate in Hell.  Michael was even more conscious of this than the humans were as, in Heaven, time went by much, much quicker than it did on earth.   Of course, as he was little more than a celestial beam of light while he was there, he moved much faster as well, but this did not mean that he did not notice the passage of time. And as he was so aware of the dredge of passing time down in Hell, the archangel knew that he, Adam, and Sam Winchester were pulled from the Cage not long after he began to defend his vessel from Lucifer’s manipulations and tortures.

As there was only one being with enough power to pull three beings from Hell without releasing Lucifer and restore said beings to their former condition, Michael knew that God must have been the one to do so.  He did not believe that it was coincidence that this event occurred after he had begun to act as Adam’s protector.  His Father obviously expected Michael to stay with the human, and so that was what he was going to do.

This idea had been reinforced when he had awoken on Earth with Adam sleeping in his arms.  He had looked down at the human and known that this had been what his Father had intended.  He and Adam were destined for something, though Michael wasn’t sure just what that something was yet.

When Adam woke, Michael comforted him, as at that moment, the human seemed to be as breakable as he had been in Hell.  The archangel was unused to dealing with emotional humans, and so he fell back on what he knew from the millennia he had observed them.  He had noticed that physical contact seemed to mean a great deal to humans, and so he gently put his arms around Adam and left them there until the human relaxed in his grip.

Soon after, the human calmed down enough for them to get off of the bed and assess the situation.  To be more accurate, Adam overanalyzed their situation, while Michael quietly insisted that God was responsible for their resurrection.  As he was not one of humanity’s more pious members, Adam wasn’t quite as sure of this as Michael was, but after the first month, he stopped grumbling about it, so the archangel was satisfied.

Once they became accustomed to living together, Michael began to notice other things about Adam, things that he had not known even when they were sharing the same skin.

Adam wasn’t as fragile as a glimpse of his soul had led Michael to believe.  The human was many things, but-as Michael had come to learn-fragile was not one of them.  Adam was also not one to put up with what he termed “vague angelic bullshit”.  Adam had realized the Michael was not telling him something the first time the archangel had sensed one of his brothers in the vicinity.  Though the brother in question was in no way connected to them or their situation, the human had demanded to be kept informed of anything and everything Michael became aware of.

As Michael found out, Adam was surprisingly good at reading him.  Though Michael was much less expressive than a human, he did have emotions.  The archangel was slightly unnerved by the revelation that not only did Adam know that he had emotions, but in some cases, he responded to them as though Michael had clearly told him what he was feeling.

Michael was not as good at reading Adam’s emotions.  It took the archangel nearly a month and a half to discover that whenever the human stared out the window-his eyes looking but not really seeing, filled with an emotion Michael couldn’t name-that he was missing his mother.  Michael had known that Adam had been raised by his mother-had known that Adam had only assented to become his vessel for her sake-but he had not realized that the promise Zachariah had made had gone unfulfilled.

It wasn’t until he asked Adam what he was looking at when he stared out the window that he found out the truth.  The human had turned to him and given him a searching look before replying cryptically, “Sometimes I think I see her, but she’s never there.”

It took Michael several moments before he finally understood.  The only “she” Adam could be referring to was his mother.  “Do you miss her?”

Adam gave him a scathing look.  “What kind of question is that?” he scoffed.  “Of course, I miss her.  I would miss her even if we hadn’t died the way we did and even if your buddy Zachariah had kept his fucking promise.  She’s my mother.  I’ll always miss her.”

“I know what that is like,” Michael empathized quietly.  “My Father has been missing for millennia, and I miss him just as you do your mother.”  An idea occurred to him, a way to make Adam happy.  Michael took a moment to put his thoughts in order before making his offer.  “I could take you to see her if you would like.  I am still able to enter Heaven, and it would not be entirely impossible for me to bring you with me.”  He did not mention that it was not strictly within the rules to bring living humans into Heaven.  Adam did not need to know that.

The human stared at him for just a little bit too long-enough so that Michael felt an inkling of self-doubt creep into him-before saying softly, “You would do that?  For me?”

Michael could only nod, feeling a strange constriction in his chest when he saw the look on Adam’s face.  There was joy there.  Joy and hope and love-all of the things angels had originally been intended to inspire-shone in Adam’s eyes.

“Can we go now?” Adam asked eagerly.

Michael didn’t answer.  He simply extended one hand to touch his fingers to Adam’s forehead.

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Adam changed after seeing his mother.

His attitude toward Michael had grown perceptibly warmer in the weeks following their trip to Heaven.  Michael didn’t know if it was because he was simply happy or if it was because he had discovered that the archangel had had no part in Zachariah’s deception, but he was glad for the change.

Michael also noticed that his own feelings towards the young man were somewhat unclear.  He felt a strong sense of longing and sadness during the rare occasions on which he and Adam were separated.  Occasionally, he would look at the human and the area around his heart would suddenly heat up, though when he placed his hand on his chest, he could feel no difference.

It wasn’t until the night before they were to meet the Prophet that Michael finally discovered what the feelings meant.  After Adam had left the hotel room, the archangel had found himself pacing anxiously while waiting for his return.  He had tried using his angelic powers to find his former vessel, but something was interfering and nothing he had tried was working.   And so he paced, growing more and more upset and angry as time went by.

It wasn’t until the human finally dragged himself back through the door, soaking wet and sniffling, that Michael allowed himself to truly breathe once more.

He grabbed Adam by the arms, wanting to shake the human for making him worry.  “Adam, where have you been?” Michael asked, his voice angry.  “You have been gone for hours, and I was unable to find you.”  Water dripped from between his fingers as he squeezed Adam’s arms, and for the first time he noticed that the human was soaked to the bone.  “Why are you wet?”

Adam shook him off angrily and crossed his arms, shivering.  “I got lost.  And then, it started raining.”

Michael stepped forward in worry as the human sneezed.  “You are sick?”  What did one do with a sick human?  It had been many, many years since he had even seen one and he had never taken care of one.  He attempted to recall how he had seen other humans do it in the past.

“No shit!” his human yelled.  “Tends to happen when weak, little humans spend too much time being cold and wet.  If you hadn’t noticed, I am both cold and wet right now, so excuse me for being human and getting sick.”  Adam stepped back, seeming to take a defensive stance against him.  Michael didn’t know why, but he didn’t like it; he didn’t like it at all.

Adam started to turn around, but Michael grabbed his wrist before he could turn completely.  He laid one hand on Adam’s forehead, trying to project his own healing energy out so that he could cure the human’s illness.

Nothing happened.

Michael’s forehead creased in perplexity.  “I am unable to heal you,” he said quietly.  “There is something wrong…”

Adam tugged against his hold, obviously intending to enter the bathroom and leave Michael to his worrying out in the main room.  Michael didn’t let go, finally remembering the best course of action for humans to take when they needed to retain body heat.

The archangel set about matter-of-factly removing Adam’s clothes, something to which it appeared the human did not take too kindly.  “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

One of these days, Michael was going to have to talk to Adam about his use of profanity, but now was not the time.  He leaned down to remove Adam’s pants as he responded, looking up at the human from his crouched position.  “I am removing your clothing.  I may not be well versed on current human matters, but I do know a great deal about their physiology.  We must get you warm, and the best and quickest way to do that is by stripping you of these clothes and sharing body heat.”  He looked at Adam questioningly.  “I have seen many humans do it; are you unaware of this human practice?”

The human blushed a shade of red that was most becoming, Michael noticed.  The archangel wondered at this reaction.  Why would this be something to be embarrassed about?  It was a matter of survival.

Then he saw the erection that was growing toward him, practically begging him to take notice.  Michael stood, staring curiously at Adam’s reddening face. His mind went through every possible reason that would elicit such a response.  The human body had a wide variety of reactions to stimuli, and yet, there were very few that could cause this.  In Adam’s case, there were only two, of that Michael was sure.

It was lust or love.

On the one hand, Adam could just be attracted to his body.  Michael had examined the body in a mirror, and it was quite aesthetically pleasing.  Then again, Michael had been inside of Adam, and while the human had had his share of lustful thoughts, he had never had sex with someone he was not at least romantically attached to.

So if it wasn’t lust, then it must be…

Oh, Michael thought, understanding finally dawning on him.  That is what it is, this feeling I have been unable to name.

It was love.  Of course, Michael knew what it was.  He was an archangel; he was made of love.  Even so, in all of the years of his existence, he had not once experienced this kind of love, and so he had not recognized it for what it was.

Adam was his.  He was his vessel, his human, his mate.  And if the current situation was any indication, Adam returned his feelings.  Michael knew what he needed to do.

Michael rose to his feet and grasped Adam’s vibrantly red face gently between his hands, turning it so that he could meet the human’s eyes.

“Adam,” he started, projecting more calm than he felt.  “Although I am not human, I am aware of what this reaction means.  You are either attracted to this form…” Michael waved one hand at the body he was wearing, almost positive that it was not the sole reason for Adam’s condition.  “…or you are attracted to me.”  Adam’s eyes shone with fear, and Michael immediately hastened to reassure him.  “I have been inside of you, Adam; I know your thoughts, your fears, your love.  You have never lusted after a man before.”  A small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.  Adam was in love with him; he had to be.  That thought gave him the courage to continue.  “As a result, the only conclusion I can draw is that you are attracted to me and not to my body.”  Michael’s smile grew wider when he saw the truth of his words reflected in Adam’s eyes.  He had been right, and now Adam would be his.

The human just stared at him for several long seconds, the fear still evident on his face.  Michael’s grin began to fade.  Had he not said the right thing?  Why did his words not alleviate Adam’s fears?

Before he could say anything to fix his mistake, Adam leaned forward and kissed him.

Neither of them was prepared for Michael’s reaction as he took complete control of both the kiss and Adam’s body.  He pushed Adam back against the wall, parting the human’s lips and pressing his advantage, letting his tongue pass through to press against his partner’s.  He felt more than heard Adam moan as the young man’s hands moved up over Michael’s shoulders to wrap around his neck.

Michael had never known that anything could feel so good.  Kissing was not really an activity that angels were supposed to partake of, though they would not be kicked out of Heaven for doing so.  It was a taboo without actually being a taboo.  Frowned upon, but not punishable.

The archangel knew that kissing would not be enough.  Not with Adam.

Michael wanted all of his human.  He wanted him, body and soul.  He wanted everything, and he was going to make sure that Adam knew it.

He pulled away from the kiss momentarily to growl in Adam’s ear, “You are mine.”

Adam didn’t respond, but Michael knew.  The human pulled him even closer, so close that the archangel was sure not even a single atom could fit between them, and Michael knew.

That night they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

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The next day, Michael met Adam’s brothers again-for the first time under favorable circumstances-and was reunited with his own brothers.

To say that Michael was surprised that both Gabriel and Castiel had also found mates from the Winchester family was an understatement.  Less surprising was the fact that both of his brothers were extremely protective of their mates and immediately stepped in front of their humans upon seeing him.  Though it saddened him to see the mistrust in their eyes, considering what they had all been through, it was an understandable reaction, one that he himself might have gone through had he been in the same position.

Then Sam Winchester started yelling, causing Dean and Adam to drag him out of the room and Michael to be left alone with his brothers.

It was…  Well, it was kind of awkward, if truth be told.  He and Gabriel had had a fight before the other archangel had disappeared, something Michael had always regretted, especially since they had never been sure whether or not he was dead or simply missing.  As for Castiel, well, Michael had spent barely any time with this particular brother, and most of what he knew of him had been learned after the angel had defected to join the Winchesters.  He didn’t have particularly good foundations for a relationship with either of them.

When he looked up, Gabriel was glaring at him.  “Michael!” he snapped.  “What the hell did you do to Sam?”

Michael was not surprised to find that Gabriel blamed him.  “I did nothing,” he asserted.  “Lucifer did.  He did not erect the barrier to prevent the mingling of his grace with Sam’s soul.”  His shoulders became slightly slumped.  “It appears as though our brother still hates me.  In the interest of not causing any more dissent among us, I would like to apologize for what I put both you and your mates through.  Though I believed at the time that I was doing what was right, I was wrong.”  Michael met their eyes one at a time, first Gabriel and then Castiel, trying to emit as much sincerity as he could through his words.  “Although I cannot say that I regret where I have ended up, I am sorry for the path we took to get here.  Please forgive me.”

The archangel had never felt more relieved than he did when they both warily nodded their agreement.  It was just one step, Michael knew, but it was a step in the right direction.

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Michael trembled with awe in the presence of his Father.  It had been so long since he had seen his Father, and all three angels were swept up in the joy of the moment.  One by one, they fell to their knees before the Prophet Chuck who was currently being used as the mouthpiece of the Lord.

Things had been going well even before the arrival of God.  Michael had made peace with his brothers, and it appeared as though Adam had done the same.  The three angels and their mates had been attempting conversation when they had hit upon the question of ‘why’.   The Winchesters were asking why things were going so well when they all knew for a fact that their family had horrible luck.  The angels were asking why they were being allowed to stay on Earth, none of them having been called back to the ranks by any of the other angels as of yet.  All of them were asking why they were even alive as over half of them had been dead when the Apocalypse ended, and none of them had answers as to how it was possible.

Chuck had interrupted, stuttering out that he had a message for them before the light took over, pouring from his eyes, nose, and mouth, radiating from his fingertips.

And then, God was there.

“Hello, my children,” their Father greeted them.  “I know that you have questions, and I will answer for you what you need to know.  I have resurrected each of you at least once, and I have guided you toward one another for a reason.”

The omniscient eyes turned to Castiel.  “Castiel, the youngest of my angels, you have grown considerably since I last saw you.  I am very proud of you for all you have accomplished.  There is one more lesson that you must learn, my son.  You must once again learn how to take joy in life.  It is my wish that Dean’s influence will make this lesson a bit easier for you to learn.”

Castiel looked up at God with wide eyes full of love.  “Yes, Father.”

God turned to Gabriel.  “Gabriel, my son, you need to learn to be loyal to something outside of yourself.  Sam has already started you on this path, and it is my wish that having him as your mate will allow you to learn your lesson.”

Gabriel opened his mouth to argue, but seemed to think better of it.  “Yes, Father.”

Then it was Michael’s turn.  “Michael, you are my oldest, and as such, your ways will be the hardest to change.  My son, you think too much of duty, and not enough of yourself.  Though that might have been the way when the humans were first brought into the world, it is time for a change.  You need a vacation, and so I am ordering you to take one on Earth.  Your duties will still be there for you when you get back.  Stay with Adam; learn to relax.”

Michael was grateful.  All he wanted at that moment was to do exactly as God said.  Stay with Adam and build a life with him.  He would make the human his in every way possible and he would not think (much) of his duties in Heaven.  “Yes, Father.”

“As for the Winchesters…”  God paused.  “I have brought you back because I like you.  You did not deserve your fates, and I am not a vengeful god.  From now on, you will live out your lives in peace.”

Michael looked over at his human, pausing to take his mate’s hand before moving his gaze to Sam and Dean.  Tears filled their eyes as one thought echoed through each of them.

It’s finally over.

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A/N:  I hope you all enjoyed the second to last fic in my Mysterious Ways ‘Verse.  If you did, please let me know.  Thank you!

pairing: dean/castiel, verse: mysterious ways, story: the integrity of his grace, pairing: sam/gabriel, pairing: adam/michael, fandom: supernatural

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