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[misery_lugosi]

I'm still not the greatest...still thinking way too much about things I probably shouldn't be thinking about. I'm trying to keep it all from getting to me too much and deepening this crash. I made it a point to call a few more places to see if they are hiring, which led to good news. Now, I need to work on picking up applications. I'm still

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[jeustr]

::deep breath:: for most of my adult life my mom was the only person i was afraid of. when i was younger she was physically abusive - certainly not as bad as many people have had it, she never beat me to a pulp or anything - but that constant fear that she would slap me out of the blue for no reason was pretty constant. my mom has problems stemming from a myriad of things. she LIVES to pretend she the victim. when i was fourteen i got in a fight with my mom where i fought back for the first time. i told her if she ever touched me again i'd kill her. i meant it. while she never hit me again that didn't stop the verbal and emotional abuse (which she always been better at anyway). i took a different route than my siblings with my mother - i fought back. she yelled at me - i yelled back. but my mother lives DEEPLY embedded in her fantasy world. she has her set of memories of our lives which generally have nothing to do with reality. so while i never took her shit lying down (that just meant it hurt standing up mind you) i

[misery_lugosi]

Wow, our mothers sound really similar, right down to having a different set of memories of my life.

I ended up feeling a bit better after posting that. I've thought it hundreds of times, but it never really hit me like it did last night.

I do realize the possibility of her acting like nothing happened after I finally get the truth out to her. I'm prepared for that. I just need to let her know she isn't always the victim, that she isn't a good parent, and that I don't appreciate the way I was treated.

Thank you sweetie *hugs*