A story I wrote for my lefaym
If you are reading this then you were probably sent here by Lefaym. Which means you probably know she is my partner. I wrote this story for her. This is the first piece of fic I have EVER written. I mean that, I have never written a fic before. Oh, by fic I mean Fan Fic. I have written other stuff. This isn't even the first story I've written for her, but she insisted that I post this first. I will probably get around to posting my other works later. So, without further ado, here is my very first Fic:
Title: A Story that in No Way Relates to Anime
Author: misanthropy_inc
Fandom: Torchwood
Genre: Crack!fic
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Beta: lefaym
Word Count: 1207 words
A Story that in No Way Relates to Anime
Warning: This story ascribes traits to the characters that are in no way implied in official canon.
Ianto looked thoughtfully at his balls, scanning for signs of imperfection. After a few moments' contemplation, he made his decision. He discarded the right ball and transferred the other to his right hand. After vigorously rubbing it on his trouser leg, he began his advance, slow at first, but getting faster, and faster, and when he reached the end of his run, with a smooth, circular motion, propelled the ball towards its target: Jack. Jack stood, approximately twenty-two yards away, obviously feeling a right tool with the large lump of wood in his hand. He barely seemed to notice the red, leathery globe hurtling towards him with enough time to do more than lightly swat it away.
"C'mon, Jack, you'll need to do better than that," Ianto called as he retraced his steps, picking up his previously discarded ball on the way.
"Hey, cut me some slack. I don't understand this game," Jack whined dashingly.
"I can't believe in all the centuries you've been alive, you've never played a game of cricket." Ianto muttered. He repeated his run up and delivery. This time Jack appeared to try to pad the ball away. At least, he would have done if he was wearing pads, which he wasn't. So the ball instead ricocheted sharply off his shins. Jack cried out, and fell suavely to the ground.
"Oh, get up you big faker," Ianto sighed.
"A little sympathy, Ianto?" Jack said with a small amount of handsome outrage.
"You'll get better."
"Shoot me in the head and I'll get better, but this? This really hurts."
"Jeez, Jack. Why don't you say that louder? I don't think they heard you in south-west Kyoto."
"Eh, it doesn't matter. Just about everyone we meet these days knows about me anyway." Jack rose to his feet in a completely normal and non-sexy manner and picked up his bat. "Honestly, who came up with such a boring game anyway?"
"It is a boring game, isn't it?" Ianto stretched and gazed into the distance. "I just found it strange that you'd never played. Besides, a game with a bunch of men standing around throwing balls and swinging wood, I thought there might be some homoerotic aspect I'd overlooked."
"Now there's a thought." Jack smiled with aardvark-like intensity. "Maybe we can make this game more interesting after all. How about a little wager, Ianto? If I can hit a seven with this next ball--"
"I think you mean a six."
"Whatever. We'll do something of my choosing."
"Like what?"
"Oh, you know. That thing we were discussing not a week ago?" His eyebrows raised. In a totally sexy manner.
Badger-like realisation dawned on Ianto's features. "Oh. Oh, no. You can't mean--"
"Oh, but I do. So, you in?"
"What if I win?"
"You'll just have to use your imagination."
Ianto did use his imagination. His imagination furnished him with many possibilities. "All right then, Jack. Let's do this." Ianto began his approach, eager to claim his prize.
________________________________
Jack hit the six. Of course Jack hit the six. Ianto wasn't sure if thoughts of his reward led him into a mistake, or if Jack's winning smile distracted him at a crucial moment. Actually, Ianto was pretty sure the universe had simply shifted to allow Jack such a masterful stroke. After all, the universe kept bringing him back to life from all manner of misfortunes, why shouldn't it allow him to hit a six in cricket? And so now Ianto found himself pressed up against Jack, both hands wrapped around Jack's long, firm rod.
"I can't believe I'm doing this. In public no less," Ianto said as Jack's hand slid down his back.
"Never mind that, just do it like I showed you," Jack purred.
"I'll never be able to look at them the same way again." Ianto muttered, but he still did as told. Ianto's hands moved deftly along the purple shaft, manipulating it exactly according to instruction.
"Ooohhh, that was good. You sure you've never done this before?"
"Don't make this any more embarrassing than it needs to be, Jack."
"Hey, just trying to give you a compli--woah, woah, don't jerk it around like that. Just pull on it slow and easy."
"Couldn't we have done this in the Hub?"
"Now, where's the fun in that? Besides, wouldn't we be more likely to see someone we knew there?"
"Oh, God forbid. If Gwen saw us now--"
"Jack? Ianto?"
"Gah! Gwen?" Ianto's head spun to face her, then immediately returned to the mighty tool currently clasped in his hands. "Um, uh, I mean, I was just...what brings you here anyway, Gwen? I thought it was your day off?"
"Oh, Rhys had a family emergency. Said something about his mother having kittens. I suspect she is having some manner of crisis, but in this town, who knows? She might actually be giving birth to a cat. So, what are you trying to hide there, Ianto?"
"What? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." He tried to turn away, but the sheer size of the implement he wielded would allow for no obfuscation.
Gwen's eyes widened. "Oh my. Is that, I mean, are you two...fishing?"
"Yup." Jack beamed. "Although, technically, Ianto is the one fishing. I'm teaching him to do it."
"Why are you doing this out here? We have a tank in the Hub after all. Surely you'd be more likely to catch fish there?"
"That's exactly why we're out here. More sport. More sense of achievement."
"And where'd you get the rod? It is remarkably...purple."
"Yeah, I'm not fond of the colour in general. Yet there's still something...familiar about it, something comforting. Anyway, I've had this for years." Upon seeing Gwen's quizzical expression he added, "What, you think I've lived as long as I have and not learned to fish?"
"And yet you've never played cricket," Ianto chimed in.
"You've never played cricket?" Gwen said with shock. "But it's such a marvellous game. Two men assailed from all sides by eleven aggressors, with only their wit, reflexes and a blade of wood to save them from disgrace, and everything to gain. How could you never have played such a wondrous game?"
"Wow, Gwen, I never knew you liked cricket so much," Jack said, taken aback by her passion.
Gwen snorted. "Of course I don't. Not only is it incredibly boring, it's a symbol of English imperialism. Damn bastards!" Gwen took a deep breath to overcome her Welsh rage. "Anyway, if you do catch some fish, what then?"
"We clean them, then we eat them." Jack smiled with ruggedly amiable evilness. "Or, technically, Ianto is going to clean them. We'll both eat them."
"You're going to make Ianto gut fish."
"Yup." Jack beamed again.
"I swear, I'm never going to look at fish the same way again," Ianto woobied.
"God, why can't you two just shag in the Hub like you usually do?" And then Gwen wandered off, not entirely sure why she'd been there in the first place.
The End.
_________________________________________
And now, some small comments. In case you were wondering about the title, I should confess it is something of an in-joke. You see, I am a colossal anime fan. If you have been visiting lefaym for a little while now you will have seen the fort I built out of anime DVDs. I own a lot of anime. I am regularly trying to get lefaym to watch more of it. I just thought it would be funny to call the story that. Oh, one final note. From reading the story you may be inclined to think I hate cricket. I don't. Sure, it isn't my favourite sport (actually, I don't like sport much at all), but I do occasionally like to watch it. Just thought I'd set the record clear. Oh, I also don't have any issues with people finding it boring. I can totally see why you would find it boring.
That's all. See you guys around.
Oh, I don't suppose any of you are interested in anime?
Title: A Story that in No Way Relates to Anime
Author: misanthropy_inc
Fandom: Torchwood
Genre: Crack!fic
Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen
Rating: PG
Warnings/Spoilers: None
Beta: lefaym
Word Count: 1207 words
A Story that in No Way Relates to Anime
Warning: This story ascribes traits to the characters that are in no way implied in official canon.
Ianto looked thoughtfully at his balls, scanning for signs of imperfection. After a few moments' contemplation, he made his decision. He discarded the right ball and transferred the other to his right hand. After vigorously rubbing it on his trouser leg, he began his advance, slow at first, but getting faster, and faster, and when he reached the end of his run, with a smooth, circular motion, propelled the ball towards its target: Jack. Jack stood, approximately twenty-two yards away, obviously feeling a right tool with the large lump of wood in his hand. He barely seemed to notice the red, leathery globe hurtling towards him with enough time to do more than lightly swat it away.
"C'mon, Jack, you'll need to do better than that," Ianto called as he retraced his steps, picking up his previously discarded ball on the way.
"Hey, cut me some slack. I don't understand this game," Jack whined dashingly.
"I can't believe in all the centuries you've been alive, you've never played a game of cricket." Ianto muttered. He repeated his run up and delivery. This time Jack appeared to try to pad the ball away. At least, he would have done if he was wearing pads, which he wasn't. So the ball instead ricocheted sharply off his shins. Jack cried out, and fell suavely to the ground.
"Oh, get up you big faker," Ianto sighed.
"A little sympathy, Ianto?" Jack said with a small amount of handsome outrage.
"You'll get better."
"Shoot me in the head and I'll get better, but this? This really hurts."
"Jeez, Jack. Why don't you say that louder? I don't think they heard you in south-west Kyoto."
"Eh, it doesn't matter. Just about everyone we meet these days knows about me anyway." Jack rose to his feet in a completely normal and non-sexy manner and picked up his bat. "Honestly, who came up with such a boring game anyway?"
"It is a boring game, isn't it?" Ianto stretched and gazed into the distance. "I just found it strange that you'd never played. Besides, a game with a bunch of men standing around throwing balls and swinging wood, I thought there might be some homoerotic aspect I'd overlooked."
"Now there's a thought." Jack smiled with aardvark-like intensity. "Maybe we can make this game more interesting after all. How about a little wager, Ianto? If I can hit a seven with this next ball--"
"I think you mean a six."
"Whatever. We'll do something of my choosing."
"Like what?"
"Oh, you know. That thing we were discussing not a week ago?" His eyebrows raised. In a totally sexy manner.
Badger-like realisation dawned on Ianto's features. "Oh. Oh, no. You can't mean--"
"Oh, but I do. So, you in?"
"What if I win?"
"You'll just have to use your imagination."
Ianto did use his imagination. His imagination furnished him with many possibilities. "All right then, Jack. Let's do this." Ianto began his approach, eager to claim his prize.
________________________________
Jack hit the six. Of course Jack hit the six. Ianto wasn't sure if thoughts of his reward led him into a mistake, or if Jack's winning smile distracted him at a crucial moment. Actually, Ianto was pretty sure the universe had simply shifted to allow Jack such a masterful stroke. After all, the universe kept bringing him back to life from all manner of misfortunes, why shouldn't it allow him to hit a six in cricket? And so now Ianto found himself pressed up against Jack, both hands wrapped around Jack's long, firm rod.
"I can't believe I'm doing this. In public no less," Ianto said as Jack's hand slid down his back.
"Never mind that, just do it like I showed you," Jack purred.
"I'll never be able to look at them the same way again." Ianto muttered, but he still did as told. Ianto's hands moved deftly along the purple shaft, manipulating it exactly according to instruction.
"Ooohhh, that was good. You sure you've never done this before?"
"Don't make this any more embarrassing than it needs to be, Jack."
"Hey, just trying to give you a compli--woah, woah, don't jerk it around like that. Just pull on it slow and easy."
"Couldn't we have done this in the Hub?"
"Now, where's the fun in that? Besides, wouldn't we be more likely to see someone we knew there?"
"Oh, God forbid. If Gwen saw us now--"
"Jack? Ianto?"
"Gah! Gwen?" Ianto's head spun to face her, then immediately returned to the mighty tool currently clasped in his hands. "Um, uh, I mean, I was just...what brings you here anyway, Gwen? I thought it was your day off?"
"Oh, Rhys had a family emergency. Said something about his mother having kittens. I suspect she is having some manner of crisis, but in this town, who knows? She might actually be giving birth to a cat. So, what are you trying to hide there, Ianto?"
"What? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." He tried to turn away, but the sheer size of the implement he wielded would allow for no obfuscation.
Gwen's eyes widened. "Oh my. Is that, I mean, are you two...fishing?"
"Yup." Jack beamed. "Although, technically, Ianto is the one fishing. I'm teaching him to do it."
"Why are you doing this out here? We have a tank in the Hub after all. Surely you'd be more likely to catch fish there?"
"That's exactly why we're out here. More sport. More sense of achievement."
"And where'd you get the rod? It is remarkably...purple."
"Yeah, I'm not fond of the colour in general. Yet there's still something...familiar about it, something comforting. Anyway, I've had this for years." Upon seeing Gwen's quizzical expression he added, "What, you think I've lived as long as I have and not learned to fish?"
"And yet you've never played cricket," Ianto chimed in.
"You've never played cricket?" Gwen said with shock. "But it's such a marvellous game. Two men assailed from all sides by eleven aggressors, with only their wit, reflexes and a blade of wood to save them from disgrace, and everything to gain. How could you never have played such a wondrous game?"
"Wow, Gwen, I never knew you liked cricket so much," Jack said, taken aback by her passion.
Gwen snorted. "Of course I don't. Not only is it incredibly boring, it's a symbol of English imperialism. Damn bastards!" Gwen took a deep breath to overcome her Welsh rage. "Anyway, if you do catch some fish, what then?"
"We clean them, then we eat them." Jack smiled with ruggedly amiable evilness. "Or, technically, Ianto is going to clean them. We'll both eat them."
"You're going to make Ianto gut fish."
"Yup." Jack beamed again.
"I swear, I'm never going to look at fish the same way again," Ianto woobied.
"God, why can't you two just shag in the Hub like you usually do?" And then Gwen wandered off, not entirely sure why she'd been there in the first place.
The End.
_________________________________________
And now, some small comments. In case you were wondering about the title, I should confess it is something of an in-joke. You see, I am a colossal anime fan. If you have been visiting lefaym for a little while now you will have seen the fort I built out of anime DVDs. I own a lot of anime. I am regularly trying to get lefaym to watch more of it. I just thought it would be funny to call the story that. Oh, one final note. From reading the story you may be inclined to think I hate cricket. I don't. Sure, it isn't my favourite sport (actually, I don't like sport much at all), but I do occasionally like to watch it. Just thought I'd set the record clear. Oh, I also don't have any issues with people finding it boring. I can totally see why you would find it boring.
That's all. See you guys around.
Oh, I don't suppose any of you are interested in anime?