Fic: Don't Ever Look Back 5/9 (Supernatural; Dean/Castiel, HS AU, Explicit)
Title: Don't Ever Look Back
Author: misachan
Artist: slinkymilinky (Link to Art Master Post)
Word Count: 3750
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Dean/Anna, Sam, Uriel, Zachariah
Warnings: Violence (including violence between family members), drug use (nothing stronger than pot), underage drinking (nothing harder than beer), sex between an 18 and 17-year-old, sexuality angst
Summary: Another day, another town; when their bounty hunter father enrolls he and Sam in yet another school Dean thinks this will just be another town he'll forget five minutes after he leaves it. Things get more interesting when Sam befriends a classmate of Dean's and the lonely boy with the strange name and stranger family slowly gets under Dean's skin. Their new friendship gets complicated when it becomes clear that Castiel's brothers aren't just strange, they're dangerous, and the secrets they keep and the sins they bury have a lot to do with Dean. It would all be bad enough even without Dean starting to worry that maybe friendship isn't all he wants.
A Dean/Castiel high school love story with fist fights, movie nights, make outs, broken hearts, hospital vigils and a steamed up hotel shower.
Dean had expected Cas to have a hard time getting away from his family while they dealt with the Uriel aftermath, some things just couldn't be avoided, but he hadn't seen the guy in two days now and Dean was starting to get antsy. He couldn't even get Castiel on the phone and he would barely answer texts, dropping I'm fine or We'll talk later in response to anything Dean sent. It was infuriating, and it took all the self-control Dean had not to drive over there and demand to know what was going on, which he knew full well was the worst possible thing he could do. And Sam was with his science fair group doing science fair things, so Dean couldn't even bug him to distract himself.
So Dean did what he always did when he had too much on his mind and no way to deal with the problem: he got in his car and just drove.
The Impala was his dad's car, technically, but she'd always been Dean's baby. He'd learned how to change her oil before he'd learned long division; since the day he'd gotten his license it there had been the unspoken agreement that if Dean was responsible enough to drive her he would have to be responsible enough to keep the old girl running, and he'd risen to the challenge by getting her to purr better than most new cars fresh from the lot. And she returned the favor by always lifting him up no matter how bad his mood. "C'mon, girl," he said, stroking her dashboard as he eased her out onto the highway, "let's have some fun."
Middle of the day on a weekend meant the roads were mostly empty and Dean ignored the speed limits, losing himself in finding exits that led to winding back roads and straightaways long enough that he could make the Impala's engines roar as she raced down their lengths.
After a couple of hours Dean felt his head begin clear, the combination of speed and Jimmy Page's guitar solos working their usual magic. Just as he was beginning to think he should probably head back
- Sam was going to need a ride home at some point - he blew past an old Pontiac Firebird sitting on the shoulder with it's hood up, a cute redhead frowning at the engine block. Dean hit the brakes so quickly the guy tailgating him in the Volvo almost plowed into him; Dean just flipped him off as the guy leaned on his horn and pulled around him, not even bothering to spare the guy a glance, then Dean carefully backed up and pulled onto the shoulder behind the Firebird. He saw the redhead look up as he got out of the car, a wary, Oh, what now expression on her face.
Fair enough. Dean knew it was only natural for a woman stranded on the side of the road by herself to side-eye any guy approaching; he made sure to show that his hands were empty as he walked up. "Having a problem?"
She rolled her eyes at that. "No, I just love getting sunburned on dirt roads."
Okay, Dean supposed that was kind of a stupid question. "Mind if I take a look?"
She gave a little shrug and moved aside, her arms crossed as she kept her eyes on Dean. "It just stopped," she said, frustration winning out over caution.
"Yeah, old cars do that sometimes." He looked up at her, seeing the shell starting to crack. "I'm not some serial killer, you know."
"Oh, well, then I'll just take your word for it," she said, but she managed a smile. "Besides, how do you know I'm not a serial killer? I could have lured you over here."
"Hey, no risk, no reward." He took a quick look under the hood and quickly saw the problem. "Okay, wow, you've got some blown coils here...huh." He let out an impressed whistle. "How'd you even manage this?"
She groaned, slumping against the car with her head in her hands. "I knew it. I knew this would happen, the stupid thing always breaks down for everyone except my father."
"They can be picky like that sometimes." He scratched his head. "I can fix it," he said, seeing her head pick up at that. "I mean, I can't do it here, I need the parts so we'd have to call for a tow, but I can do it."
"I mean...you would do that? You don't even know me."
"I like seeing these old cars up and running," he said, shutting the hood as he grinned at her. "And hey, like I said, no risk, no reward, right?"
She raised one eyebrow but didn't look like she was about to slap him, so Dean thought this was going pretty well. "Are you using my broken car to flirt with me?"
"Is it working?"
She laughed at that and Dean knew oh yeah it was. "If you did fix it, what would I owe you?"
"Well, depends on the parts," he said, making a show of pretending to calculate. "But how about for right now we just agree that neither of us are serial killers and start over?"
He could see her let out a breath as she decided to take a chance on that. "Anna Milton."
Dean grinned. "Dean Winchester." He wiped away a smudge of dirt on the hood. "This is a pretty sweet ride."
"One of the parishioners left it to my dad," she said, a fond smile on her face. "He keeps talking about selling it and giving the money to the church but I don't think he'll ever be able to bring himself to do it."
"Parishioner? Your old man's a preacher?"
"Is that a problem?"
"No way." Sometimes Dean knew his mouth got ahead of his brain. "You know what they say about preacher's daughters."
Anna narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh really? What do they say?"
Dean snapped his mouth shut. Don't say anything going through your head right now. "They...um...I mean...."
She gave him a sly smile. "Because there are some guys who would say that we like it on our knees."
A girl who looked like Anna saying that made Dean's brain shut down for a second. "I...would never?"
She laughed at how obviously untrue that was. "I like you, Dean," she said, leaning against the car. "I grew up around here but I don't recognize you and I'm pretty sure I would."
"Nah, me and my brother have only been here a few months. We move around a lot, we're in that motel off Main." He started to perch up on the hood before catching himself, forgetting for a second this was someone else's baby. "You grew up here? What brings you back? It's not exactly a happening place."
She sighed, her eyes going distant. "Family drama. The usual." She shook that away, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Cool with me." He felt a flutter of remorse over flirting with a pretty girl just then. "Got a buddy who's going through some heavy shit right now, too. I suck at dealing with this kind of thing, I don't know what to do."
"Right now I'd be all for something to distract me," she said.
Dean really, really hoped that he wasn't imagining that she was checking him out. "That I could probably handle. Call you a tow, get some lunch, and...y'know, see how things go from there." The approving look she gave him told him he was in, and God, at least something was going right lately. They waited around for the tow truck, not talking about much in particular aside from plans of how to spend the day taking their minds off their respective troubles. As the driver hooked her car up to the truck and Dean him directions to a garage to haul it off to, one he'd done some off-the-books work for, then Dean held open the passenger door of the Impala for Anna. He could be a gentleman on the rare occasion.
And she was nice enough to reward him, whispering, "Y'know, it is true, some of what they say about preacher's daughters," as she slid past him into the passenger seat.
Dean didn't even bother wiping the wide grin from his face as he took his place back behind the wheel and turned over the ignition. His girl always did seem to find ways to reward him.
***
The next day was the funeral and again Dean found himself aimlessly driving around; Cas still wasn't answering his phone, which Dean guessed he couldn't be too surprised about. He was meeting up with Anna again later but that didn't do much to distract him from dwelling on Cas being stuck with his jerk family on what had to be one of the worst days of his life. For a second Dean thought about crashing the funeral but quickly rejected that as a bad plan; it might make him feel better but he doubted that it would help Cas all that much, especially if it landed the guy in further trouble with his folks. And he was still waiting for the parts to come in, so he couldn't even distract himself with working on Anna's car.
So he drove, circling around the town and trying to keep his mind on his date later. He'd just stopped at a red light opposite the park when he took the second to look around, spotting a solitary figure in a black suit swaying on one of the old swings. A very, very familiar figure with messy black hair.
Dean made a sharp left turn, earning some shouted profanity from the woman behind him for not signaling, and pulled into a space alongside the park. Castiel didn't look at him as Dean walked up. "Hello, Dean," he said, his eyes trained on the ground.
"Hey, Cas." He took a seat on the swing beside him. "Don't take this the wrong way, but don't you have somewhere you're 'sposed to be?"
Castiel scowled, scuffing his dress shoes into the dirt. "It's all for show," he said, still not looking up. "None of them actually care."
Dean sighed. His normal instinct would be to say You can't know that for sure but with this bunch he knew there was every chance it was true. "They gonna be mad you skipped?"
Cas just kicked at the dirt again. "Let them be."
Dean really didn't have an answer for that, so he just sat there next to him and watched the clouds gather overheard. "Looks like it's gonna rain," he said, relieved to have something to say, even if it was something completely inane.
"When Balthazar died I didn't go to the funeral either." Castiel's voice was soft, almost like they were having a normal conversation, but Dean could see that his hands were so tight around the swing chains his knuckles were white. "It was such a farce. There wasn't even a body. I wanted no part of it." Dean was astonished to see the corners of his lips twitch up. "When Uriel realized I wasn't coming he tracked me down. I think he was worried I would run away, the way our sister had." His eyes softened for a second. "I tried to get him to leave me alone but he wouldn't. He followed me around until he was able to make me laugh. It took him the entire day." He exhaled a breath that shook out of him, the faint ghost of a smile fading. "I know Uriel could be...difficult. Cruel. And I don't understand why he chose what he did but...."
"He was family," Dean finished for him. "I get it, Cas, I do. Hell, I know for a fact that if anything ever happened to Sam I wouldn't be vertical, so I can't believe you're holding up this well."
Dean saw a tear slide down his face. "I never knew I was so selfish."
Dean turned on the swing to get a better look at him. "I don't get you."
"I should be thinking about Uriel now, but all I can think about is myself. I..." His voice cracked and Dean saw him swallow hard a few times before getting himself back under control. "Why does everyone I love leave me behind, Dean? What's wrong with me?"
"Knock that shit off, Cas. It's not your fault."
"Everyone I thought I could count on is gone now."
"You still got the older brothers, Cas. I mean, I know they're dicks but they are family."
Even Dean didn't really believe that, and he sure as hell knew he hadn't convinced Cas. "Please, Dean," he said, audibly scoffing as he pulled out his phone. "I've been missing for hours and no one's so much as sent a text. No one even cares enough to look for me."
"Hey," Dean said, tapping his shoulder. "I'm here, right?" Castiel looked up at him for the first time, his eyes wide and wet with tears just on the verge of spilling over. Dean pulled Cas off the swing, setting him unsteadily on his feet. Before Castiel could ask what was going on - and, if Dean was going to be honest with himself, before he lost his nerve - Dean pulled him into a tight hug. Castiel stiffened up for an instant, then wrapped his arms around Dean, pressing his face against Dean's shoulder. "Don't tell anyone I did this, okay? I'll lose my macho street cred."
He felt Cas let out a shaky laugh. "See?" Dean said, feeling his own heart hammering and not able to understand why. "And it didn't even take me all day." Cas squeezed him tighter; he wasn't crying but was just shaking on the edge of it, and Dean held him until that passed. "I'm not going anywhere, Cas, okay? I'm right here." He felt Castiel nod against him before stepping back, wiping his eyes. "C'mon," Dean said, desperate to lighten a mood that had suddenly gotten too heavy for him. "Let's get out of here. I doubt Uriel would really want him dying to mean you would have to hang out with your dick brothers anyway."
He herded Cas into the passenger seat of the car, then turned the key in the ignition, startled when the clock blinked on and he realized how late it was. "Shit."
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Well, not nothing. I was...um, kind of meeting up with a girl tonight."
Cas rolled his eyes, his lips twitching up. "Of course you are."
"Hey, I can't help it I'm a popular guy," he said as he steered the car back into the intersection. "We're meeting up at that garage by the motel, I've been working on her car. That cool? I'll give you the motel key."
"That's fine. I'm so tired I'll probably fall asleep anyway, so I wouldn't be very good company."
"Cool. Here then, before I forget," he said, tossing him the key as he turned onto the street leading to the garage. "You want me to drop you off first?"
Cas shook his head. "You don't have to. It's not a long walk and I need to clear my head."
"Okay, but offer stands. Looks like rain." Dean parked the car and sat on the hood, sending a questioning glance at Castiel when he did the same.
"What? I'm curious."
"Snoop." Just then Dean spotted Anna's red hair, just not coming from the direction he'd expected. "Anna! Over here!" he said, waving her over. From the corner of his eye he saw Castiel's head whip around at the name but didn't think anything of it when Cas jumped off the hood of the car.
Or at least he didn't before Castiel walked right up to her, his hand tight fists at his side. "How dare you?" he said, his voice so low Dean barely caught the words. "How dare you come back now?"
Anna's mouth dropped open. "I...Castiel?" she said, one hand pressed over her mouth. "Oh my God, you got so much taller."
That was what Dean needed to make the leap, at least enough to go Oh shit. "Cas!" he said, grabbing Castiel's arm. "Cas, is Anna...."
"My long-lost sister, yes," he said, an ugly sneer twisting the words as he turned back to her. "You won't find that the prodigal will get a very good reception in this case."
"I didn't come back for any reception," she said, standing her ground.
Castiel made the connection with the direction Anna had come from a split second before Dean did. "You went to the cemetery," he said, his voice simmering with fury.
"Of course I did. I knew I wouldn't be welcome at the ceremony but I still wanted to pay my respects...."
"Your respects?" Castiel said, cutting her off. With every word his voice went lower, grief cutting through the fury now. "If you hadn't abandoned us it would never have happened. Uriel would still be alive, he listened to you...."
"This is not my fault."
Dean took that second to get between them. "All right, everyone calm down." Castiel broke away, starting to storm off, and Dean grabbed his shoulder to turn him back around. "Cas, I had no idea, okay?"
Cas shook him off. "See who you like. It makes no difference to me."
Dean tipped Castiel's head up to force eye contact. "Dude. I didn't know. You never said her name."
Castiel shook him off again, but at least he didn't look like he was about to slug Dean any more. "Leave me alone."
"Cas, don't..."
"Dean, for once please leave me alone when I ask you to." He shook off another attempt by Dean to grab him and took off down the street, not looking behind him.
When Dean tried to follow Anna grabbed his arm. "Don't. When he goes quiet like that there's no talking to him, he just has to cool off."
And Dean knew that but he still hated to leave things like this, especially since it really was starting to rain. He waited to at least be sure that Cas was headed toward the motel before turning back to Anna. "I had no idea."
"Of course not," she said, still staring after her brother. "Can we talk in the car?"
Dean saw the water already dripping from her hair and realized she had a point. "Sure. Yeah, good idea."
Once inside they both just stared out the windshield at the falling rain for a while. "So," Anna said, breaking the silence first. "I'm guessing we can't do this any more."
And the worst part was that Dean actually liked this girl, but you just didn't mess around with your friends' sisters, even ones they said they hated. "Guess not." He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "This sucks."
"I don't believe how tall he is now. We were the same height when I left."
"A lot changes in three years." He noticed she was shaking and gave her his jacket. "So I'm guessing Milton's not really your last name and your dad's not really a preacher. Unless you really have run into the bastard."
"Milton's my name now," she said softly, shrugging into his jacket. "And he's a deacon, actually. My adoptive father." She huddled back against the seat. "I suppose Castiel told you I ran away?"
"Mentioned it once or twice, yeah."
"I was sixteen. I ran out of money and snuck into a church to get out of the rain, and my dad found me sleeping on one of the pews. He and my mom just took me in. Not officially, there would be too many questions and paperwork but they're my parents now."
"I've met some of the people you're related to so I'm not even gonna waste time asking why you did it. Cas might hold it against you, but man, do I get it. Wish Cas would get up the nerve to make a run for it too."
"How is he?" She looked over at Dean. "How is he really?"
Dean let out a long breath. "It's been pretty rough lately, especially with Uriel being such a fucking idiot. No offense, I mean."
Anna shook her head. "I wish I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not. I think I'm just glad he didn't drag Castiel down with him."
"Bastard wanted to," Dean muttered. "So yeah, it's been rough but Cas has me and Sam. Sam's my little brother."
She smiled. "I don't think I remember Castiel having a friend before, let alone two." She let out a long breath. "And I don't want to mess that up. I can get someone else to fix my car...."
"No," Dean said, cutting that off. "I said I would fix it, and I'll fix it. Just because Cas hasn't gotten over things doesn't mean I have to hold a grudge too. Maybe if you stick around the two of you can patch things up."
"I'm not staying, Dean."
"You kidding? I'll drive you back myself if I have to. I just think it would be good for Cas to have at least one family member who he thinks is on his side, y'know?" When she arched one eyebrow, doubt written all over her face, Dean shook his head. "I'll work on him, okay? Just don't blow town right away, that's all I'm asking."
Anna nodded. "I can do that."
Dean dropped her off at her hotel, watching her walk inside and the way her jeans fit and wondering to himself how bad an idea it would be to follow her into the hotel, just one more time. Then he sighed and drove back to his own, much dingier motel, picking the lock when no one answered his knock. He found a note on the table that Sam would be home late, then peeked in the bedroom. To his relief he found Castiel curled up on his bed, still dressed in his nice suit, his face flushed like he'd cried himself out. He watched him until the realization that he was watching Cas sleep for once crept up on him, then shook himself out of it. Dean threw a blanket over him and snuck out of the room, closing the door behind him.
-On to Part 6-
-Back to Masterpost-
-Back to Part 4-
Author: misachan
Artist: slinkymilinky (Link to Art Master Post)
Word Count: 3750
Characters/Pairings: Dean/Castiel, Dean/Anna, Sam, Uriel, Zachariah
Warnings: Violence (including violence between family members), drug use (nothing stronger than pot), underage drinking (nothing harder than beer), sex between an 18 and 17-year-old, sexuality angst
Summary: Another day, another town; when their bounty hunter father enrolls he and Sam in yet another school Dean thinks this will just be another town he'll forget five minutes after he leaves it. Things get more interesting when Sam befriends a classmate of Dean's and the lonely boy with the strange name and stranger family slowly gets under Dean's skin. Their new friendship gets complicated when it becomes clear that Castiel's brothers aren't just strange, they're dangerous, and the secrets they keep and the sins they bury have a lot to do with Dean. It would all be bad enough even without Dean starting to worry that maybe friendship isn't all he wants.
A Dean/Castiel high school love story with fist fights, movie nights, make outs, broken hearts, hospital vigils and a steamed up hotel shower.
Dean had expected Cas to have a hard time getting away from his family while they dealt with the Uriel aftermath, some things just couldn't be avoided, but he hadn't seen the guy in two days now and Dean was starting to get antsy. He couldn't even get Castiel on the phone and he would barely answer texts, dropping I'm fine or We'll talk later in response to anything Dean sent. It was infuriating, and it took all the self-control Dean had not to drive over there and demand to know what was going on, which he knew full well was the worst possible thing he could do. And Sam was with his science fair group doing science fair things, so Dean couldn't even bug him to distract himself.
So Dean did what he always did when he had too much on his mind and no way to deal with the problem: he got in his car and just drove.
The Impala was his dad's car, technically, but she'd always been Dean's baby. He'd learned how to change her oil before he'd learned long division; since the day he'd gotten his license it there had been the unspoken agreement that if Dean was responsible enough to drive her he would have to be responsible enough to keep the old girl running, and he'd risen to the challenge by getting her to purr better than most new cars fresh from the lot. And she returned the favor by always lifting him up no matter how bad his mood. "C'mon, girl," he said, stroking her dashboard as he eased her out onto the highway, "let's have some fun."
Middle of the day on a weekend meant the roads were mostly empty and Dean ignored the speed limits, losing himself in finding exits that led to winding back roads and straightaways long enough that he could make the Impala's engines roar as she raced down their lengths.
After a couple of hours Dean felt his head begin clear, the combination of speed and Jimmy Page's guitar solos working their usual magic. Just as he was beginning to think he should probably head back
- Sam was going to need a ride home at some point - he blew past an old Pontiac Firebird sitting on the shoulder with it's hood up, a cute redhead frowning at the engine block. Dean hit the brakes so quickly the guy tailgating him in the Volvo almost plowed into him; Dean just flipped him off as the guy leaned on his horn and pulled around him, not even bothering to spare the guy a glance, then Dean carefully backed up and pulled onto the shoulder behind the Firebird. He saw the redhead look up as he got out of the car, a wary, Oh, what now expression on her face.
Fair enough. Dean knew it was only natural for a woman stranded on the side of the road by herself to side-eye any guy approaching; he made sure to show that his hands were empty as he walked up. "Having a problem?"
She rolled her eyes at that. "No, I just love getting sunburned on dirt roads."
Okay, Dean supposed that was kind of a stupid question. "Mind if I take a look?"
She gave a little shrug and moved aside, her arms crossed as she kept her eyes on Dean. "It just stopped," she said, frustration winning out over caution.
"Yeah, old cars do that sometimes." He looked up at her, seeing the shell starting to crack. "I'm not some serial killer, you know."
"Oh, well, then I'll just take your word for it," she said, but she managed a smile. "Besides, how do you know I'm not a serial killer? I could have lured you over here."
"Hey, no risk, no reward." He took a quick look under the hood and quickly saw the problem. "Okay, wow, you've got some blown coils here...huh." He let out an impressed whistle. "How'd you even manage this?"
She groaned, slumping against the car with her head in her hands. "I knew it. I knew this would happen, the stupid thing always breaks down for everyone except my father."
"They can be picky like that sometimes." He scratched his head. "I can fix it," he said, seeing her head pick up at that. "I mean, I can't do it here, I need the parts so we'd have to call for a tow, but I can do it."
"I mean...you would do that? You don't even know me."
"I like seeing these old cars up and running," he said, shutting the hood as he grinned at her. "And hey, like I said, no risk, no reward, right?"
She raised one eyebrow but didn't look like she was about to slap him, so Dean thought this was going pretty well. "Are you using my broken car to flirt with me?"
"Is it working?"
She laughed at that and Dean knew oh yeah it was. "If you did fix it, what would I owe you?"
"Well, depends on the parts," he said, making a show of pretending to calculate. "But how about for right now we just agree that neither of us are serial killers and start over?"
He could see her let out a breath as she decided to take a chance on that. "Anna Milton."
Dean grinned. "Dean Winchester." He wiped away a smudge of dirt on the hood. "This is a pretty sweet ride."
"One of the parishioners left it to my dad," she said, a fond smile on her face. "He keeps talking about selling it and giving the money to the church but I don't think he'll ever be able to bring himself to do it."
"Parishioner? Your old man's a preacher?"
"Is that a problem?"
"No way." Sometimes Dean knew his mouth got ahead of his brain. "You know what they say about preacher's daughters."
Anna narrowed her eyes at him. "Oh really? What do they say?"
Dean snapped his mouth shut. Don't say anything going through your head right now. "They...um...I mean...."
She gave him a sly smile. "Because there are some guys who would say that we like it on our knees."
A girl who looked like Anna saying that made Dean's brain shut down for a second. "I...would never?"
She laughed at how obviously untrue that was. "I like you, Dean," she said, leaning against the car. "I grew up around here but I don't recognize you and I'm pretty sure I would."
"Nah, me and my brother have only been here a few months. We move around a lot, we're in that motel off Main." He started to perch up on the hood before catching himself, forgetting for a second this was someone else's baby. "You grew up here? What brings you back? It's not exactly a happening place."
She sighed, her eyes going distant. "Family drama. The usual." She shook that away, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Cool with me." He felt a flutter of remorse over flirting with a pretty girl just then. "Got a buddy who's going through some heavy shit right now, too. I suck at dealing with this kind of thing, I don't know what to do."
"Right now I'd be all for something to distract me," she said.
Dean really, really hoped that he wasn't imagining that she was checking him out. "That I could probably handle. Call you a tow, get some lunch, and...y'know, see how things go from there." The approving look she gave him told him he was in, and God, at least something was going right lately. They waited around for the tow truck, not talking about much in particular aside from plans of how to spend the day taking their minds off their respective troubles. As the driver hooked her car up to the truck and Dean him directions to a garage to haul it off to, one he'd done some off-the-books work for, then Dean held open the passenger door of the Impala for Anna. He could be a gentleman on the rare occasion.
And she was nice enough to reward him, whispering, "Y'know, it is true, some of what they say about preacher's daughters," as she slid past him into the passenger seat.
Dean didn't even bother wiping the wide grin from his face as he took his place back behind the wheel and turned over the ignition. His girl always did seem to find ways to reward him.
***
The next day was the funeral and again Dean found himself aimlessly driving around; Cas still wasn't answering his phone, which Dean guessed he couldn't be too surprised about. He was meeting up with Anna again later but that didn't do much to distract him from dwelling on Cas being stuck with his jerk family on what had to be one of the worst days of his life. For a second Dean thought about crashing the funeral but quickly rejected that as a bad plan; it might make him feel better but he doubted that it would help Cas all that much, especially if it landed the guy in further trouble with his folks. And he was still waiting for the parts to come in, so he couldn't even distract himself with working on Anna's car.
So he drove, circling around the town and trying to keep his mind on his date later. He'd just stopped at a red light opposite the park when he took the second to look around, spotting a solitary figure in a black suit swaying on one of the old swings. A very, very familiar figure with messy black hair.
Dean made a sharp left turn, earning some shouted profanity from the woman behind him for not signaling, and pulled into a space alongside the park. Castiel didn't look at him as Dean walked up. "Hello, Dean," he said, his eyes trained on the ground.
"Hey, Cas." He took a seat on the swing beside him. "Don't take this the wrong way, but don't you have somewhere you're 'sposed to be?"
Castiel scowled, scuffing his dress shoes into the dirt. "It's all for show," he said, still not looking up. "None of them actually care."
Dean sighed. His normal instinct would be to say You can't know that for sure but with this bunch he knew there was every chance it was true. "They gonna be mad you skipped?"
Cas just kicked at the dirt again. "Let them be."
Dean really didn't have an answer for that, so he just sat there next to him and watched the clouds gather overheard. "Looks like it's gonna rain," he said, relieved to have something to say, even if it was something completely inane.
"When Balthazar died I didn't go to the funeral either." Castiel's voice was soft, almost like they were having a normal conversation, but Dean could see that his hands were so tight around the swing chains his knuckles were white. "It was such a farce. There wasn't even a body. I wanted no part of it." Dean was astonished to see the corners of his lips twitch up. "When Uriel realized I wasn't coming he tracked me down. I think he was worried I would run away, the way our sister had." His eyes softened for a second. "I tried to get him to leave me alone but he wouldn't. He followed me around until he was able to make me laugh. It took him the entire day." He exhaled a breath that shook out of him, the faint ghost of a smile fading. "I know Uriel could be...difficult. Cruel. And I don't understand why he chose what he did but...."
"He was family," Dean finished for him. "I get it, Cas, I do. Hell, I know for a fact that if anything ever happened to Sam I wouldn't be vertical, so I can't believe you're holding up this well."
Dean saw a tear slide down his face. "I never knew I was so selfish."
Dean turned on the swing to get a better look at him. "I don't get you."
"I should be thinking about Uriel now, but all I can think about is myself. I..." His voice cracked and Dean saw him swallow hard a few times before getting himself back under control. "Why does everyone I love leave me behind, Dean? What's wrong with me?"
"Knock that shit off, Cas. It's not your fault."
"Everyone I thought I could count on is gone now."
"You still got the older brothers, Cas. I mean, I know they're dicks but they are family."
Even Dean didn't really believe that, and he sure as hell knew he hadn't convinced Cas. "Please, Dean," he said, audibly scoffing as he pulled out his phone. "I've been missing for hours and no one's so much as sent a text. No one even cares enough to look for me."
"Hey," Dean said, tapping his shoulder. "I'm here, right?" Castiel looked up at him for the first time, his eyes wide and wet with tears just on the verge of spilling over. Dean pulled Cas off the swing, setting him unsteadily on his feet. Before Castiel could ask what was going on - and, if Dean was going to be honest with himself, before he lost his nerve - Dean pulled him into a tight hug. Castiel stiffened up for an instant, then wrapped his arms around Dean, pressing his face against Dean's shoulder. "Don't tell anyone I did this, okay? I'll lose my macho street cred."
He felt Cas let out a shaky laugh. "See?" Dean said, feeling his own heart hammering and not able to understand why. "And it didn't even take me all day." Cas squeezed him tighter; he wasn't crying but was just shaking on the edge of it, and Dean held him until that passed. "I'm not going anywhere, Cas, okay? I'm right here." He felt Castiel nod against him before stepping back, wiping his eyes. "C'mon," Dean said, desperate to lighten a mood that had suddenly gotten too heavy for him. "Let's get out of here. I doubt Uriel would really want him dying to mean you would have to hang out with your dick brothers anyway."
He herded Cas into the passenger seat of the car, then turned the key in the ignition, startled when the clock blinked on and he realized how late it was. "Shit."
"What is it?"
"Nothing. Well, not nothing. I was...um, kind of meeting up with a girl tonight."
Cas rolled his eyes, his lips twitching up. "Of course you are."
"Hey, I can't help it I'm a popular guy," he said as he steered the car back into the intersection. "We're meeting up at that garage by the motel, I've been working on her car. That cool? I'll give you the motel key."
"That's fine. I'm so tired I'll probably fall asleep anyway, so I wouldn't be very good company."
"Cool. Here then, before I forget," he said, tossing him the key as he turned onto the street leading to the garage. "You want me to drop you off first?"
Cas shook his head. "You don't have to. It's not a long walk and I need to clear my head."
"Okay, but offer stands. Looks like rain." Dean parked the car and sat on the hood, sending a questioning glance at Castiel when he did the same.
"What? I'm curious."
"Snoop." Just then Dean spotted Anna's red hair, just not coming from the direction he'd expected. "Anna! Over here!" he said, waving her over. From the corner of his eye he saw Castiel's head whip around at the name but didn't think anything of it when Cas jumped off the hood of the car.
Or at least he didn't before Castiel walked right up to her, his hand tight fists at his side. "How dare you?" he said, his voice so low Dean barely caught the words. "How dare you come back now?"
Anna's mouth dropped open. "I...Castiel?" she said, one hand pressed over her mouth. "Oh my God, you got so much taller."
That was what Dean needed to make the leap, at least enough to go Oh shit. "Cas!" he said, grabbing Castiel's arm. "Cas, is Anna...."
"My long-lost sister, yes," he said, an ugly sneer twisting the words as he turned back to her. "You won't find that the prodigal will get a very good reception in this case."
"I didn't come back for any reception," she said, standing her ground.
Castiel made the connection with the direction Anna had come from a split second before Dean did. "You went to the cemetery," he said, his voice simmering with fury.
"Of course I did. I knew I wouldn't be welcome at the ceremony but I still wanted to pay my respects...."
"Your respects?" Castiel said, cutting her off. With every word his voice went lower, grief cutting through the fury now. "If you hadn't abandoned us it would never have happened. Uriel would still be alive, he listened to you...."
"This is not my fault."
Dean took that second to get between them. "All right, everyone calm down." Castiel broke away, starting to storm off, and Dean grabbed his shoulder to turn him back around. "Cas, I had no idea, okay?"
Cas shook him off. "See who you like. It makes no difference to me."
Dean tipped Castiel's head up to force eye contact. "Dude. I didn't know. You never said her name."
Castiel shook him off again, but at least he didn't look like he was about to slug Dean any more. "Leave me alone."
"Cas, don't..."
"Dean, for once please leave me alone when I ask you to." He shook off another attempt by Dean to grab him and took off down the street, not looking behind him.
When Dean tried to follow Anna grabbed his arm. "Don't. When he goes quiet like that there's no talking to him, he just has to cool off."
And Dean knew that but he still hated to leave things like this, especially since it really was starting to rain. He waited to at least be sure that Cas was headed toward the motel before turning back to Anna. "I had no idea."
"Of course not," she said, still staring after her brother. "Can we talk in the car?"
Dean saw the water already dripping from her hair and realized she had a point. "Sure. Yeah, good idea."
Once inside they both just stared out the windshield at the falling rain for a while. "So," Anna said, breaking the silence first. "I'm guessing we can't do this any more."
And the worst part was that Dean actually liked this girl, but you just didn't mess around with your friends' sisters, even ones they said they hated. "Guess not." He drummed his fingers against the steering wheel. "This sucks."
"I don't believe how tall he is now. We were the same height when I left."
"A lot changes in three years." He noticed she was shaking and gave her his jacket. "So I'm guessing Milton's not really your last name and your dad's not really a preacher. Unless you really have run into the bastard."
"Milton's my name now," she said softly, shrugging into his jacket. "And he's a deacon, actually. My adoptive father." She huddled back against the seat. "I suppose Castiel told you I ran away?"
"Mentioned it once or twice, yeah."
"I was sixteen. I ran out of money and snuck into a church to get out of the rain, and my dad found me sleeping on one of the pews. He and my mom just took me in. Not officially, there would be too many questions and paperwork but they're my parents now."
"I've met some of the people you're related to so I'm not even gonna waste time asking why you did it. Cas might hold it against you, but man, do I get it. Wish Cas would get up the nerve to make a run for it too."
"How is he?" She looked over at Dean. "How is he really?"
Dean let out a long breath. "It's been pretty rough lately, especially with Uriel being such a fucking idiot. No offense, I mean."
Anna shook her head. "I wish I could say I'm surprised, but I'm not. I think I'm just glad he didn't drag Castiel down with him."
"Bastard wanted to," Dean muttered. "So yeah, it's been rough but Cas has me and Sam. Sam's my little brother."
She smiled. "I don't think I remember Castiel having a friend before, let alone two." She let out a long breath. "And I don't want to mess that up. I can get someone else to fix my car...."
"No," Dean said, cutting that off. "I said I would fix it, and I'll fix it. Just because Cas hasn't gotten over things doesn't mean I have to hold a grudge too. Maybe if you stick around the two of you can patch things up."
"I'm not staying, Dean."
"You kidding? I'll drive you back myself if I have to. I just think it would be good for Cas to have at least one family member who he thinks is on his side, y'know?" When she arched one eyebrow, doubt written all over her face, Dean shook his head. "I'll work on him, okay? Just don't blow town right away, that's all I'm asking."
Anna nodded. "I can do that."
Dean dropped her off at her hotel, watching her walk inside and the way her jeans fit and wondering to himself how bad an idea it would be to follow her into the hotel, just one more time. Then he sighed and drove back to his own, much dingier motel, picking the lock when no one answered his knock. He found a note on the table that Sam would be home late, then peeked in the bedroom. To his relief he found Castiel curled up on his bed, still dressed in his nice suit, his face flushed like he'd cried himself out. He watched him until the realization that he was watching Cas sleep for once crept up on him, then shook himself out of it. Dean threw a blanket over him and snuck out of the room, closing the door behind him.
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