I wrote this when I was 15: (To the tune of Chris Rock's "No Sex in the Champagne Room")
[Frodo] Good evening Hobbits of Middle-Earth. I have one piece of advice for you. No matter what a Ranger tells you, there are no Elves in the champagne room. Sure, there’s champagne in the champagne room. But you don’t want champagne. You want Elves. And there
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