What the world thinks of poly, latest installment

[miriamjoyce]

 
Thanks to Vicky Cristina Barcelona, at least some segment of the country has three-way relationships on the brain. And thanks to the essay I wrote for Babble on poly parenting last fall, I got called in to provide my perspective a couple times last week.

First was the New York Daily News, who did a pretty decent job at a "How does this really work

Comments

[jwitchbaby]

Very interesting. Makes me wish we hadn't been too pooped the other day to debate the "wife" thing. That's an argument I hadn't come up against: that using the word gives you a certain amount of privilege/safety/respect. Again, verrry interesting.

[miriamjoyce]

Does it really constitute privilege to have secured basic respect (as in not direct and total dismissal) for a totally fringe relationship from a conservative?

I don't mean to sound defensive--I realize that there is still the underlying fact that we need also need respect and equality for relationships that people wouldn't want to use those words for even if everyone would be fine with it. I wouldn't want to use them to blend in quietly all the time. But to make inroads into potentially hostile territory, I think I'm OK with it.

[jwitchbaby]

You don't sound defensive at all. And I didn't mean to make you feel that way. "Wife" is really handy as a way to communicate a certain level of love and commitment, and in that regard it is a powerful (and potentially useful) word to reclaim. I said "Very interesting" because I was intrigued and impressed.

[miriamjoyce]

Cool. :> Apparently I have a many years old (um specifically from college) reflex that says "If someone brings up the word privilege in any context, it means they're yelling at me!" No worries. Glad to see you, sorry I was called away from the conversation so much.

[alan7388]

Congratulations on pulling off an appearance on the Jay Severin show. You were probably lucky Severin wasn't there. He's as nasty a right-winger as they come.

By any chance, are you coming to the Loving More retreat at Easton Mountain Sept 5-7? It's not far north of Albany. Any chance you could get a last minute mention or listing about it into Metroland? See http://www.lovemore.com/ .

Cheers,

Alan of Polyamory in the News

[miriamjoyce]

Sounds like I'm also lucky that the one caller they put on with me was another poly woman!

I'll make sure the Metroland folks have the Loving More info. We're not going, no. The schedule is overfull as it is.

[miriamjoyce]

I passed on the info, but I think I remember that free listings are not generally given to things that cost that much, so I wouldn't hold your breath.

names..

[maxellute]

I know that you use your "birth" name (Axel-Lute) for writing, so in these articles & the radio appearance you are Miriam Axel-Lute. I know that you partly do this to keep your home privacy. But for the other Axel-Lutes (all 3 of us), it puts our name right out there. I'm often asked if I am related to Miriam--or even if I AM Miriam--Axel-Lute. So far I haven't been asked about my triad relationship.... It may be a matter of time. Does make me feel a bit exposed. \Your mom

Re: names..

[miriamjoyce]

I can see that, certainly, since I feel exposed anyway (though I recognize that was basically my choice). Sorry about that. (There's a downside to hyphenating and making a unique name I bet you never thought of.) Not sure what to do about it really at this point--I wasn't expecting that essay to lead to stuff like this, which perhaps was foolish, but now it's hard to say "I put my name on this topic here in something I wrote, but keep me anonymous in your article." I did use just my first name for the radio appearance, though, and in case you're wondering/worrying, I've already drawn my line--I have no interest in TV. Or really more radio either.

Think of it this way--you've got time to prepare an awesome one-liner of a response if anyone does ask you.