(no subject)
Tittle: In a State like Insomnia
Chapter: 2
Pairing: Kihae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kibum has always, always loved Donghae. But Donghae loves Eunhyuk. Broken between happiness for his friend and jealousy towards Eunhyuk. But is Eunhyuk really THE ONE for Donghae or really just a playmate? Will Kibum dare to venture into something more intimate and intense than his friendship with Donghae? Will his strength be enough to brace him for rejection?
Disclaimer: Super Junior is mine I wish
Chapter 1
*Beep * beep *beep
“ Doctor please tell me that he’s okay, please!” Kibum cried.
“ I’m not exactly sure how he’s condition would be. He is in a critical condition and needs to be held up for observation. Since you brought him here for immediate medical attention I can safely say he has a 50% chance of survival. Thank goodness that the knife had no germs or it could have caused fatal infections. And thank god that when the knife did plunge it, it didn’t hit any major or vital arteries or the bones or it would have cause extreme…blah blahblah,” drone the doctor, wrapped in a white coat and using a pen to tap a clipboard he was holding, tossing out a lot of unneeded information when it was an emergency.
Of course the doctor didn’t say blah blahblah, however in Kibum’s mind, it seemed that way. He was angered that he wasn’t allowed in the emergency room. But as the nurse had recited probably many hundreds of times, “ No friends allowed. The only ones permitted are family, relatives and siblings.”
Why did everything run so organized in a hospital? It was driving Kibum crazy that everything seemed to run like normal even though Donghae was in a critical condition. If Donghae wasn’t okay he knew exactly who to drive his anger on. The one and only Eunhyuk. The mere thought of him made Kibum narrow his eyes in disgust.
All of a sudden, the hospital’s glass door rushed open to reveal a frantic Leeteuk and nervous glances of the rest of Super Junior. “ Leeteuk,” Kibum greeted attempting a smile but it came as a grimace.
But when he caught sight of Eunhyuk all attempts of polite cordial greetings vanished. “ Haven’t you done enough?” Kibum snarled, glaring at him intensely, his fist curled up in a tense position.
“ It isn’t my fault, besides shouldn’t you have saved him, you were with him and all weren’t you? So basically it’s your fault,” Eunhyuk muttered calmly.
That was it. Something snapped inside Kibum. His controlled angered burst right there and then. “ Why you…” Kibum growled, aiming to hit when he felt his fist being stopped by Kyuhyun. “ Kibum, he has wronged a lot, but is he worth sparing a thought about? Focus on what really matters first and then I’ll help you beat him to a bloody pulp after that,” Kyuhyun said soothingly, but for those who really observed, his grip on Sungmin’s waist tightened a fraction.
At least Eunhyuk seemed a bit subsided, maybe all the cheating rushed back at him, crowding and rushing to guilt his conscience at last, too late perhaps.
“Don’t give up yet, don’t let all hope recede. Donghae will live through this. He WILL live through this,” Leeteuk murmured to no one in particular, saying it repetitively.
Kibum was close enough to eavesdrop on Leeteuk’s mutterings. A surge of hope rushed through him. Maybe Donghae had some hope after all. He would be okay. He was glad that in this crisis, Leeteuk was there. But negative thoughts hurried back. If…if Donghae didn’t make it, I swear, I’ll….I’ll…. Kibum glanced around staring around at the 11 members, ok maybe 10 members he would surely miss if he weren’t around.
Am I willing to sacrifice all that I have left?
He remembered when he first met Donghae in high school.
* Flashback* (Kibum’s POV)
First day of high school. I was dreading yet welcoming the new change from the comfortable position I had in junior high.
I didn’t know anyone. It’s look like I’ve been downgraded from the near top of the food chain to algae status.
First period, biology.
The screeching of chalk against the blackboard providing a cluster of dust flying around the teacher, forming a bed of white dust on Mrs. Almone’s black work jacket.
“ Well we shall go through some topics you would have learned last years. What would you prefer to discuss for this lesson? How about the wonders of plants in autumn? As you all are sure to know a yellow or brown catenoid plant pigment called Xanthophyll works in the process of….”
“ FISH!!!!!” a student cut in.
The class tittered in response.
“ Yes? May I help you?” Mrs. Almone asked, frustrated in being interrupted during her wonderful discussion with herself of the wonders of withered, near dead leaves.
“ Lets talk about fish,” he grinned ecstatically.
" Lee Do...." Mrs. Almone started but never ended, interrupted yet again. This time by the school bell. She frowned heavily.
“ Oops, school bell. Bye cher. Don’t wanna be late!!!! Hurry, hurry, hurry” he said as if being late would be the end of the world and rushed out of the room.
I thought him a typical eccentric weirdo. Boy was I wrong.
Next period, study hall.
Electrical sparks flew up. A whiff of smoke caught in the air.
“ LEE DONG HAE!!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS???!!!” a teacher boomed.
“ Ms. Khoo! My computer fried itself,” Donghae whined, eyes wide and innocent.
“ Well, why did you pour water all over it?” Ms. Khoo glared.
“ She was thirsty.”
" She?"
" Cassandra."
She turns and glared intensely around the room, nose flaring, a predator searching for prey. “ KIM KIBUM!” Apparently it was me. “ I WANT YOU TO ACCOMPANY LEE DONGHAE OVER HERE TO THE NURSE’S OFFICE! He probably has an insanity disease or something like that,” the last part added quietly.
Donghae bounded up towards me, all smiles and sparkly eyes. “ HI! I’M DONGHAE NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!” he shouted in my ear as we turned a corner to the hallway.
“ Why are you shouting?” I asked.
“ I AM?!OOPS!!! SORRY! I mean, oops, sorry,” he grinned sheepishly.
" I'm... Kim Kibum," I said hesitantly.
“ I’m gay,” he replied happily.
“ You’re gay?” I said backing away from him.
He nodded so hard that it looked like his head could fall off anytime soon. " I'm so SOSOSO HAPPY!!!!"
“ Okay…. Do you always get this hyper?”
“ Sometimes, I ate a bowl of sugar this morning.”
“ Why?”
“ I don’t know? It’s fun? You know what? I think we’re gonna be great friends.”
“ Okay….”
I turned to look at him. Actually seeing him for the first time. A lock of his hair draped across a side of his fore head. His dazzling deep brown eyes shone with endless joy, I felt lost in those deep depths of glittering eyes. That’s when I knew it…….I had got it bad. I wonder if he’s really gay?
*End of Flashback*
Yes I’m willing to sacrifice it all for him…
“ Kim Kibum? A patient….Donghae? requested for your presence,” a nurse said to me gently.
Kibum stood up in less than a millisecond and rushed away, his movements swift. Upon remembering he didn’t even know which Donghae was at the moment he hurried back and asked the nurse “ Sorry, what room is he in?” Kibum asked hurriedly.
“ Room 21 A, head straight till you reach a junction then turn left, the room is just around the corner, but don’t…”
“ Thank you,” Kibum said hastily and ran, following the directions of the nurse.
He burst open the door of the room and ran in. Donghae lay rigidly on the white hospital bed.
“ Kibum?” Donghae whispered, his eyelids fluttering open.
“ I’m here,” Kibum whispered.
“ The doctor says I can leave today.”
“ That’s great!”
“ No, I don’t want to face them, please Kibum don’t make me.”
“ I won’t, I can drive you back separately, but you do know you have to face them eventually.”
“ I know, I just can’t bear to do it now.”
“ Okay, come on, it’s time to go.”
Kibum handed out his palm to Donghae where Donghae in turn lifted his hand and entrusted Kibum with his. He handed Donghae a clean shirt and a pair of jeans. He turned around to face the wall and waited for Donghae to change. He felt a slight tap on his left shoulder. He wrapped his palm around Donghae’s protectively and took him to a counter to sign him out of the hospital.
They turned a corner and met the worrisome gazes of 11 members of Super Junior. Kibum talked to Leeteuk for a while explaining softly that they should give Donghae some space, his grasp on Donghae never faltering throughout the whole process. Leeteuk nodded understandingly and backed away as Kibum and Donghae hand in hand left the building.
Donghae seemed more fragile, rigid and distant. Maybe the mere sight of Eunhyuk triggered his memories of the devastation that occurred. He seemed like a walking zombie, not completely lucid.
Donghae walked as if in a state of insomnia…
************************************************************************************************
Kyuhyun cornered Eunhyuk when they were inside the apartment in Eunhyuk’s room.
“ Are you happy now?” Kyuhyun said, struggling with containing his anger as it threatens to burst out into a tantrum.
Eunhyuk merely stares up, facial expressions unreadable. Silence and the need to be alone radiated from him.
“ Well?” Kyuhyun dared.
Eunhyuk remained silent, hands trembling. Kyuhyun unable to contain his anger any longer lashed out and aimed for Eunhyuk’s knee, disabling him as he fell to the ground.
“ YOU, are worse than any demon around,” Kyuhyun uttered in rage.
“ Now, now. Violence won’t settle this,” Siwon interrupted, not knowing he’ll regret it soon enough.
Kyuhyun stared at him pointedly.
“ What? I’m just trying to show you that as a citizen of the church I wish that you would redeem yourselves the old fashioned away,” Siwon explained, making dramatic hand gestures.
“ I agree with Siwon, let’s settle this the old fashion way,” Sungmin said softly.
“ Thank you,” Siwon said smugly.
“ So what it’d be? A duel to the death?Me & Eunhyuk? Hmmm?” Kyuhyun said coldly.
" Nonono! I meant the gentlemen way and..." Siwon said frantically till Heechul cut in and said before dragging him away from the bitter moment," Word of advice Wonnie, SHUT UP ALREADY!"
“ Okok! Time out everyone,” Leeteuk said.
“ Stay out of this!” Kyuhyun growled.
“ Listen to what Leeteuk says you little brat,” Kangin said, apparently sober from a drinking session he recently had. He dragged Kyuhyun by the shirt collar away from Eunhyuk despite the twitching from Kyuhyun.
Eunhyuk was left there alone, facing the bitter cold results of what he’d done. At last, his conscience had crept up to him and slammed him down hard while he was still unaware. He curled up into a ball, trembling slightly, a bundle of nerves…
Crumpled on the ground, staring of in a distance in a state like insomnia…
*******************************************************************************************
Donghae’s POV
One way in, no way out
Those who enter never come out
I’m a fallen angel of heaven’s stars
One of which lost all will to live
One that doesn’t wish to live this pain
They say no pain, has no gain
Yet so much pain I have and no such gain
Of while I held that bold, sharp knife
A feeling of hope showered upon my weeping soul
When my eyelids closed, I saw sweet moments
When it opened again, I see hospital’s chains
Chains so tightly bound to the life I no longer need
Unhook the chains and let me die, my silent scream
Yet no one hears my wordless plea
Of course no one really tries to see
A surge of blood, soaking through clothes
All of no use, for I have not died
Should I try again? This time not miss?
Or should I try another shot at life
As a fallen angel with unbearable pain
No one knows such torment
The rain pours as if crying for me
Yet I know better
For if truly saddened
I would be up there too by now
For rain was the one that sent my falling
For rain is the one that sees upon my failure
And to rain this time I shall go by
**********************************************************************************************
Note:
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.
Somehow the last part of this fic reminds me of one entry in teukie's cyworld
But surprisingly I wrote this before even reading that XD
Well I'll try to update as soon as I can.
Chapter: 2
Pairing: Kihae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Kibum has always, always loved Donghae. But Donghae loves Eunhyuk. Broken between happiness for his friend and jealousy towards Eunhyuk. But is Eunhyuk really THE ONE for Donghae or really just a playmate? Will Kibum dare to venture into something more intimate and intense than his friendship with Donghae? Will his strength be enough to brace him for rejection?
Disclaimer: Super Junior is mine I wish
Chapter 1
*Beep * beep *beep
“ Doctor please tell me that he’s okay, please!” Kibum cried.
“ I’m not exactly sure how he’s condition would be. He is in a critical condition and needs to be held up for observation. Since you brought him here for immediate medical attention I can safely say he has a 50% chance of survival. Thank goodness that the knife had no germs or it could have caused fatal infections. And thank god that when the knife did plunge it, it didn’t hit any major or vital arteries or the bones or it would have cause extreme…blah blahblah,” drone the doctor, wrapped in a white coat and using a pen to tap a clipboard he was holding, tossing out a lot of unneeded information when it was an emergency.
Of course the doctor didn’t say blah blahblah, however in Kibum’s mind, it seemed that way. He was angered that he wasn’t allowed in the emergency room. But as the nurse had recited probably many hundreds of times, “ No friends allowed. The only ones permitted are family, relatives and siblings.”
Why did everything run so organized in a hospital? It was driving Kibum crazy that everything seemed to run like normal even though Donghae was in a critical condition. If Donghae wasn’t okay he knew exactly who to drive his anger on. The one and only Eunhyuk. The mere thought of him made Kibum narrow his eyes in disgust.
All of a sudden, the hospital’s glass door rushed open to reveal a frantic Leeteuk and nervous glances of the rest of Super Junior. “ Leeteuk,” Kibum greeted attempting a smile but it came as a grimace.
But when he caught sight of Eunhyuk all attempts of polite cordial greetings vanished. “ Haven’t you done enough?” Kibum snarled, glaring at him intensely, his fist curled up in a tense position.
“ It isn’t my fault, besides shouldn’t you have saved him, you were with him and all weren’t you? So basically it’s your fault,” Eunhyuk muttered calmly.
That was it. Something snapped inside Kibum. His controlled angered burst right there and then. “ Why you…” Kibum growled, aiming to hit when he felt his fist being stopped by Kyuhyun. “ Kibum, he has wronged a lot, but is he worth sparing a thought about? Focus on what really matters first and then I’ll help you beat him to a bloody pulp after that,” Kyuhyun said soothingly, but for those who really observed, his grip on Sungmin’s waist tightened a fraction.
At least Eunhyuk seemed a bit subsided, maybe all the cheating rushed back at him, crowding and rushing to guilt his conscience at last, too late perhaps.
“Don’t give up yet, don’t let all hope recede. Donghae will live through this. He WILL live through this,” Leeteuk murmured to no one in particular, saying it repetitively.
Kibum was close enough to eavesdrop on Leeteuk’s mutterings. A surge of hope rushed through him. Maybe Donghae had some hope after all. He would be okay. He was glad that in this crisis, Leeteuk was there. But negative thoughts hurried back. If…if Donghae didn’t make it, I swear, I’ll….I’ll…. Kibum glanced around staring around at the 11 members, ok maybe 10 members he would surely miss if he weren’t around.
Am I willing to sacrifice all that I have left?
He remembered when he first met Donghae in high school.
* Flashback* (Kibum’s POV)
First day of high school. I was dreading yet welcoming the new change from the comfortable position I had in junior high.
I didn’t know anyone. It’s look like I’ve been downgraded from the near top of the food chain to algae status.
First period, biology.
The screeching of chalk against the blackboard providing a cluster of dust flying around the teacher, forming a bed of white dust on Mrs. Almone’s black work jacket.
“ Well we shall go through some topics you would have learned last years. What would you prefer to discuss for this lesson? How about the wonders of plants in autumn? As you all are sure to know a yellow or brown catenoid plant pigment called Xanthophyll works in the process of….”
“ FISH!!!!!” a student cut in.
The class tittered in response.
“ Yes? May I help you?” Mrs. Almone asked, frustrated in being interrupted during her wonderful discussion with herself of the wonders of withered, near dead leaves.
“ Lets talk about fish,” he grinned ecstatically.
" Lee Do...." Mrs. Almone started but never ended, interrupted yet again. This time by the school bell. She frowned heavily.
“ Oops, school bell. Bye cher. Don’t wanna be late!!!! Hurry, hurry, hurry” he said as if being late would be the end of the world and rushed out of the room.
I thought him a typical eccentric weirdo. Boy was I wrong.
Next period, study hall.
Electrical sparks flew up. A whiff of smoke caught in the air.
“ LEE DONG HAE!!! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS???!!!” a teacher boomed.
“ Ms. Khoo! My computer fried itself,” Donghae whined, eyes wide and innocent.
“ Well, why did you pour water all over it?” Ms. Khoo glared.
“ She was thirsty.”
" She?"
" Cassandra."
She turns and glared intensely around the room, nose flaring, a predator searching for prey. “ KIM KIBUM!” Apparently it was me. “ I WANT YOU TO ACCOMPANY LEE DONGHAE OVER HERE TO THE NURSE’S OFFICE! He probably has an insanity disease or something like that,” the last part added quietly.
Donghae bounded up towards me, all smiles and sparkly eyes. “ HI! I’M DONGHAE NICE TO MEET YOU!!!!” he shouted in my ear as we turned a corner to the hallway.
“ Why are you shouting?” I asked.
“ I AM?!OOPS!!! SORRY! I mean, oops, sorry,” he grinned sheepishly.
" I'm... Kim Kibum," I said hesitantly.
“ I’m gay,” he replied happily.
“ You’re gay?” I said backing away from him.
He nodded so hard that it looked like his head could fall off anytime soon. " I'm so SOSOSO HAPPY!!!!"
“ Okay…. Do you always get this hyper?”
“ Sometimes, I ate a bowl of sugar this morning.”
“ Why?”
“ I don’t know? It’s fun? You know what? I think we’re gonna be great friends.”
“ Okay….”
I turned to look at him. Actually seeing him for the first time. A lock of his hair draped across a side of his fore head. His dazzling deep brown eyes shone with endless joy, I felt lost in those deep depths of glittering eyes. That’s when I knew it…….I had got it bad. I wonder if he’s really gay?
*End of Flashback*
Yes I’m willing to sacrifice it all for him…
“ Kim Kibum? A patient….Donghae? requested for your presence,” a nurse said to me gently.
Kibum stood up in less than a millisecond and rushed away, his movements swift. Upon remembering he didn’t even know which Donghae was at the moment he hurried back and asked the nurse “ Sorry, what room is he in?” Kibum asked hurriedly.
“ Room 21 A, head straight till you reach a junction then turn left, the room is just around the corner, but don’t…”
“ Thank you,” Kibum said hastily and ran, following the directions of the nurse.
He burst open the door of the room and ran in. Donghae lay rigidly on the white hospital bed.
“ Kibum?” Donghae whispered, his eyelids fluttering open.
“ I’m here,” Kibum whispered.
“ The doctor says I can leave today.”
“ That’s great!”
“ No, I don’t want to face them, please Kibum don’t make me.”
“ I won’t, I can drive you back separately, but you do know you have to face them eventually.”
“ I know, I just can’t bear to do it now.”
“ Okay, come on, it’s time to go.”
Kibum handed out his palm to Donghae where Donghae in turn lifted his hand and entrusted Kibum with his. He handed Donghae a clean shirt and a pair of jeans. He turned around to face the wall and waited for Donghae to change. He felt a slight tap on his left shoulder. He wrapped his palm around Donghae’s protectively and took him to a counter to sign him out of the hospital.
They turned a corner and met the worrisome gazes of 11 members of Super Junior. Kibum talked to Leeteuk for a while explaining softly that they should give Donghae some space, his grasp on Donghae never faltering throughout the whole process. Leeteuk nodded understandingly and backed away as Kibum and Donghae hand in hand left the building.
Donghae seemed more fragile, rigid and distant. Maybe the mere sight of Eunhyuk triggered his memories of the devastation that occurred. He seemed like a walking zombie, not completely lucid.
Donghae walked as if in a state of insomnia…
************************************************************************************************
Kyuhyun cornered Eunhyuk when they were inside the apartment in Eunhyuk’s room.
“ Are you happy now?” Kyuhyun said, struggling with containing his anger as it threatens to burst out into a tantrum.
Eunhyuk merely stares up, facial expressions unreadable. Silence and the need to be alone radiated from him.
“ Well?” Kyuhyun dared.
Eunhyuk remained silent, hands trembling. Kyuhyun unable to contain his anger any longer lashed out and aimed for Eunhyuk’s knee, disabling him as he fell to the ground.
“ YOU, are worse than any demon around,” Kyuhyun uttered in rage.
“ Now, now. Violence won’t settle this,” Siwon interrupted, not knowing he’ll regret it soon enough.
Kyuhyun stared at him pointedly.
“ What? I’m just trying to show you that as a citizen of the church I wish that you would redeem yourselves the old fashioned away,” Siwon explained, making dramatic hand gestures.
“ I agree with Siwon, let’s settle this the old fashion way,” Sungmin said softly.
“ Thank you,” Siwon said smugly.
“ So what it’d be? A duel to the death?Me & Eunhyuk? Hmmm?” Kyuhyun said coldly.
" Nonono! I meant the gentlemen way and..." Siwon said frantically till Heechul cut in and said before dragging him away from the bitter moment," Word of advice Wonnie, SHUT UP ALREADY!"
“ Okok! Time out everyone,” Leeteuk said.
“ Stay out of this!” Kyuhyun growled.
“ Listen to what Leeteuk says you little brat,” Kangin said, apparently sober from a drinking session he recently had. He dragged Kyuhyun by the shirt collar away from Eunhyuk despite the twitching from Kyuhyun.
Eunhyuk was left there alone, facing the bitter cold results of what he’d done. At last, his conscience had crept up to him and slammed him down hard while he was still unaware. He curled up into a ball, trembling slightly, a bundle of nerves…
Crumpled on the ground, staring of in a distance in a state like insomnia…
*******************************************************************************************
Donghae’s POV
One way in, no way out
Those who enter never come out
I’m a fallen angel of heaven’s stars
One of which lost all will to live
One that doesn’t wish to live this pain
They say no pain, has no gain
Yet so much pain I have and no such gain
Of while I held that bold, sharp knife
A feeling of hope showered upon my weeping soul
When my eyelids closed, I saw sweet moments
When it opened again, I see hospital’s chains
Chains so tightly bound to the life I no longer need
Unhook the chains and let me die, my silent scream
Yet no one hears my wordless plea
Of course no one really tries to see
A surge of blood, soaking through clothes
All of no use, for I have not died
Should I try again? This time not miss?
Or should I try another shot at life
As a fallen angel with unbearable pain
No one knows such torment
The rain pours as if crying for me
Yet I know better
For if truly saddened
I would be up there too by now
For rain was the one that sent my falling
For rain is the one that sees upon my failure
And to rain this time I shall go by
**********************************************************************************************
Note:
Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed it.
Somehow the last part of this fic reminds me of one entry in teukie's cyworld
But surprisingly I wrote this before even reading that XD
Well I'll try to update as soon as I can.