The Tragedy of the Human Condition // two.
Title: The Tragedy of the Human Condition // two.
Author: minus_four
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gabe/William
POV: 3rd, present
Summary: When Ryland had called with bad news about Gabe, William found himself with little choice but to fly to New York. Faced with yet more choices as time goes on, William eventually has to admit that's exactly what they are. Choices.
Disclaimer: To my knowledge these events depicted here are completely untrue. The title is a Midtown song.
Warnings: Mention of self harming actions. Potentially triggering aspects.
Author's notes: I'm sure no one's THAT shocked by how long it took me to update, but I'm still really sorry :/
(prologue) (one)
It feels way too long but not nearly long enough at the same time, when it’s only the next morning and Gabe can be going home already, any time now. At least that’s what Alex had passed onto William earlier when he’d woken up, instinctively jerking away from even Alex’s gentle shake of his shoulder and almost falling off the waiting room chairs he and the rest of the Cobras had gathered around the door to Gabe’s room. It was, apparently, general hospital policy that hallways be kept as clear as possible, but William wasn’t surprised that the rule hadn’t exactly been upheld. He’d learned a long time ago that, when they needed to, the Cobras had no problem making their own rules.
Rubbing at his eyes, one then the other, William listens to Alex as he explains, then William nods as he replaces his glasses, fidgeting with his hair as he gets ready to ask. Nervous habit.
“Can I go in first, talk to him?”
Alex gives him a smile, reassuring and steady and just… Alex. The knowledge of one more thing which hasn’t changed over the years makes William’s nerves settle slightly. “Sure. I still gotta round the others up from wherever they’ve gone to find breakfast anyway.”
Permission granted, if he ever needed it, William gets up, stretching his arms above his head as he heads for the door to room 206.
When he goes in Gabe is sat at the foot of the bed, just finishing up getting dressed. He looks up just briefly, nodding his acknowledgement of William’s presence before going back to the task in hand of doing up his button down shirt. Without saying anything, William just goes to sit next to him. Gabe’s fingers fumble with the buttons more than once, and William wonders if it’s because he’s nervous or because of… something else.
William wants to ask, and he wants to offer to help, but he keeps himself from doing either and just waits for Gabe to finish, then lifting his head to look at William.
“Heard you’re getting out,” William offers.
Gabe nods. “So they tell me.”
“And… how do you feel about that?” William asks, ignoring the ‘Seriously, Bill?’ look that Gabe gives him. “Gabe,” he adds quietly, prompting.
“I just want to forget about this,” Gabe tells him, shrugging.
William is just opening his mouth to reply when the door in front of them opens, revealing the rest of the Cobras. They enter one by one, each of their expressions serious, sombre. It’s bizarre for this band, and even though as extenuating circumstances go this definitely counts, William is still unsettled by it. By all of this, really.
“What, intervention time?” Gabe laughs, and William can see the mask slipping back into place again, bit by bit. William realises then that Gabe meant what he said; he’s ready to try and bury what happened, forget about it, make some joke and move on.
“Not exactly,” Ryland says as he turns slightly, just to push the door shut completely. “But we need to talk.”
Gabe’s expression sobers, the fake smile dropping from his face in a second. He doesn’t say anything, though.
“Basically, the doctors have told us that when you’re released from here it has to be into the custody of family, or as good as.” Alex tells Gabe. His voice is matter-of-fact, neutral.
“Or you’re not getting out of here at all,” Nate adds. He doesn’t do quite a good a job as Alex at keeping the emotion out of his voice; equal parts worry and resentment. William watches Gabe’s eyes shift to fix on the floor and it’s weird, how often he’s seen that since getting to the hospital, when Gabe Saporta isn’t exactly known for avoidance and especially not around his band.
It only lasts for about half a minute, though, before Gabe’s head lifts and he’s back again, fully present and alert and frowning at everyone in turn, confusion in his eyes. “But… C’mon. You guys are touring,” He looks at Ryland, Alex, then Victoria, “Vic, that fashion shit in LA,” and finally turns to look at Nate again. “And heading for the studio with Spence and Black Cards. And -” Gabe’s eyes snap back to Alex’s, with more than a hint of a glare suddenly colouring them, “- if you tell my family any of this shit happened I will kick your asses.” William himself tenses slightly as Gabe’s voice rises gradually in both volume and intensity. “And I fuck enough up without screwing all you guys over too. I don’t need a fucking babysitter. Jesus, I -”
Alex steps away from the wall all of a sudden, neutrality seemingly snapped as anger creeps into his tone for the first time since William had arrived. “Seems like you do, actually. You think you can bullshit us? Us, Gabe? Seriously?”
“Guys… Fuck,” Nate stands up, stepping into the space between Gabe and Alex as Gabe suddenly stands up too. Ryland does likewise as Victoria walks to the other side of the room, facing the wall as she puts a hand across her mouth. The only one left sitting, William just watches for a few seconds until the right decision - or lack thereof - comes to him.
Alex has a hand resting on Nate’s shoulder, reassuring, but his gaze is still fixed on Gabe’s. “You can’t just do this and think we’re going to ignore it.”
“I’m not worth this shit,” Gabe laughs; bitter, humorless. “Don’t you know me well enough by now? I’m not -”
William almost jumps up more than stands, barely forming the words in his head before he’s saying them loudly, almost yelling to make sure they’re heard. “I’ll do it.”
Gabe stops mid-sentence, and one by one the rest of the Cobras turn their focus to William instead. He isn’t sure if the questioning in their eyes is in need of clarification, or just because they’ve forgotten he’s there. A mixture, probably, William thinks to himself as he forces himself to consider his next words properly, not wanting to risk stuttering at a time like this.
“I’ll stay with Gabe,” he clarifies, voice firm. It softens, though, when he speaks again. “I mean, since I didn’t know - you know… I got an open ticket, so. I’m free. And so are you guys.” William shifts his gaze around each of the Cobras, hoping his eyes portray enough of an ‘It’s okay, really’ vibe to the others.
“But what about -” It’s Ryland that speaks up first, still looking confused and William doesn’t really need to guess why, and he doesn’t especially want that sentence finished.
“I can do this. It’s fine, I promise,” William says firmly, looking Ryland in the eye and shaking his head just the tiniest amount to ask him to drop it. “And I… I want to. If it’s… if that’s. Okay. With… everyone,” William finishes awkwardly, finally getting up the courage to look at Gabe.
For a little while William is waiting for another rant, another outburst of anger, but the seconds pass and then Gabe just nods.
“How long?” Gabe asks, voice quiet, suddenly infused with guilt again.
“Until you get signed off by a psychiatrist,” Ryland says, and when Gabe huffs out a derisive laugh Ryland speaks again, this time more firmly. “We’re trying to work with you here. They’d normally keep you in, we’re getting you out in less than a day, but this is how it works, alright? Just… we gotta work this,” Ryland’s voice quietens, and he swallows hard. Gabe and Ryland’s eyes lock for a couple of seconds, then Gabe is walking past Nate and Alex and in the next moment pulling Ryland into a hug.
There’s complete silence in the room for half a minute or so, then William is just about able to make out the sound of Gabe murmuring apologies, repeating the words a few times as they become increasingly muffled when Ryland just tightens his arms around Gabe.
When they separate, Gabe simply gives Ryland a small smile when Ryland nods, and Gabe moves on, turning and stepping across to where Alex and Nate are still stood. Gabe hugs each of them in turn, then says, almost whisper quiet; “’scuse me.”
Tapping her on the shoulder, Gabe doesn’t open his arms for a hug when Victoria turns around. Instead, he lifts both hands to the sides of her face, just looking at her for a second before leaning forward and pressing his mouth to Victoria’s forehead. The kiss lasts for only a moment or two before Victoria pulls away, just enough to prompt the shift into a hug.
The others watch for a minute, just casually watch, as Gabe slowly steps backward until he’s leaning against the corner of the room, then he just holds the hug there.
Sighing to himself, William steps sideways, shifting closer to Alex, Ryland, and Nate. First they just exchange looks, exchange that same feeling of unsettlement, of not knowing.
“Maybe I should stay,” Nate says quietly, glancing across at where Gabe was still stood, eyes closed as he whispered words to Victoria they couldn’t hear, arms still wrapped around her.
“Maybe,” Ryland echoes, sighing. “Could make him feel… worse, though.” He shrugs when Nate looks at him. “I don’t know,” he says, and Nate nods in acknowledgement.
“I can always call,” William tells them, then quickly adds, “and I will. Obviously. So… it’ll be okay. We’ll be… okay.” His answer must edge of unconvincing, just as it feels, because Ryland raises both eyebrows slightly.
He lifts one hand, bringing it to rest on William’s shoulder. “You sure you want to do this? At the best of times Gabe can be… Gabe.” Ryland shrugs again, letting out the hint of a laugh, and something inside William settles a little at the sound. It’s a bit strange to think of, given the… circumstances, but at that moment William realises that Ryland - the others too, most likely - probably has that same feeling deep down that he does himself; that confidence still left that Gabe will be okay, because he’s Gabe. It feels right and wrong all at the same time, but standing in a hospital room after all this, William figures they should be allowed to hold onto all the ‘right’ they can.
Mentally shaking himself out of his thoughts, William brings his attention back to Ryland’s words. Across the room, Gabe suddenly opens his eyes to meet William’s and William just nods in response to Ryland without taking his eyes off Gabe’s. He can’t, and in the back of his mind William thinks to himself how some things just don’t change. “I’m sure.”
---
“So… this is what it takes to get you to visit, huh?”
It’s pretty much the first thing Gabe’s said to him since they left the hospital, the first thing to break the awkward silence, but William is grateful for it and Gabe is smiling that trademark Saporta smirk, so he smiles back. “We’re busy these days. Being grown ups, I guess.” William shrugs. The elevator doors open and they both step out, starting to walk down towards Gabe’s apartment door, William with his rucksack, Gabe back in the jeans, button down cotton shirt, and battered denim jacket he’d been wearing… before.
As Gabe goes for his keys in his jeans pocket, he answers William. “Speak for yourself, Beckett. I’m still a kid.” He grins, and William rolls his eyes, almost forgets, and for a split second the years passed disappear. Then William catches himself, and just waits for Gabe to open the door as he mentally gives himself a reality check.
It’s nothing, though. Nothing compared to the massive dose of Reality Check which hits William as soon as the door swings open and he steps inside.
“Shit,” Gabe bites out, but William barely hears him.
Dropping his backpack to the floor with a thump, William walks forward a few more feet to just stop and stand in the middle of Gabe’s living room space. The apartment is open plan, and from there William can look to his right at the kitchen, taking in the empty bottles that haphazardly line the counter top, more scattered underneath, around the trash can. Then William drops his gaze to the wooden floor in front of him; the space in front of the sofa, one more empty bottle, a half crushed pill someone has stepped on, and a patch of dried vomit. It almost looks like art, except for how painfully real it all feels.
“Fuck, Bill. I didn’t think… Don’t -”
“It’s okay,” William says, turning and giving Gabe a reassuring smile. “Just. We should clean up.” He glances around first before confirming his assumption. “Under the sink still, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Gabe nods, “but I’ll… Bill!” When William just heads for the kitchen area Gabe follows him, grabbing the cloth and cleaning spray from him. “I’ll do it,” Gabe repeats quietly, looking William in the eye for a second or two before walking away.
He’s already knelt on the floor, spraying the floor, when William drops into his line of vision, kneeling down opposite. William reaches over, gently pulling the cloth out of Gabe’s grip. “Let’s just do it together.” He visibly winces. “I d-didn’t mean, uh - I just -”
“S’cool,” Gabe cuts in quickly, putting the spray bottle on the floor and reaching across as well. He closes his fingers around the cloth, but he doesn’t try and take it from William. Instead, Gabe just tugs it downward, taking William’s hand with it as he starts to rub the cloth across the wooden floor. “I mean… we’re grown ups now, right?”
William just looks at Gabe for a second before he lets himself smile. “Right.”
---
In the next stage of ‘clean up’ Gabe and William pack the empty alcohol bottles into doubled up trash bags, at least out of sight until they can get rid of them properly. They don’t speak during. Gabe doesn’t offer anything and William doesn’t force it. He might not be entirely sure how he got here or why, but William knows it isn’t to accuse Gabe of anything or make him talk about shit if doesn’t want to. And maybe, William admits to himself as he ties up the second bag to match the first in Gabe’s hands, maybe he just doesn’t want to think about it too much himself.
In the back of his mind William wonders if he’s the right person for this, but it’s a little late for that now so William turns his thoughts back to practicalities, dropping the trash bag in the corner of the kitchen and heading right for the collection of take out menus.
Picking a couple of them up, William holds one in each hand in front of Gabe as the other man straightens up. “Chinese? Pizza?”
Gabe lifts a hand to his chin, tapping his index finger against his mouth in an exaggerated ‘thinking’ gesture. “Gotta go with Chinese, if that’s cool.”
“S’cool with me,” William says, mimicking Gabe’s way of speaking slightly, and Gabe laughs as he fishes his cell out of his pocket.
Gabe doesn’t ask what William wants, just takes the menu from him and starts dialling the number. William doesn’t say anything. It’d be a little hypocritical of him to question Gabe remembering everything when he hasn’t forgotten himself.
While they wait for the food to arrive Gabe heads for the bathroom, and as he half-listens to Gabe singing in the shower William absentmindedly starts cleaning the kitchen, wiping the counter tops and sink. Cleaning is sort of an automatic thing for William now, kind of a default setting.
Getting out a couple of plates from the bottom cupboard, William thinks to himself. Having a kid will do that to you.
---
When the food arrives and William yells for Gabe, he appears from the bedroom, hair still damp, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s a little weird, Gabe’s changed demeanour, but William decides to just carry on, arranging the boxes of food on the kitchen counter and taking care to keep his chicken dish away from Gabe’s food.
“You want a plate, or just the boxes?” William asks. Gabe looks at the food, and William watches the movement of his throat as he swallows hard. William finds himself frowning slightly. “Are you…”
“Just not hungry, I guess,” Gabe shrugs. He’s still staring at the food and hasn’t looked at William yet. “I’m not feeling too good,” he admits, finally glancing at William for a second. “Sorry.”
William shakes his head; don’t be. “What kind of ‘not so good’?” William’s frown deepens as concern turns into full fledged worry taking hold of his chest.
“I don’t know - It doesn’t matter. We can eat later…” When Gabe looks at William again he sighs heavily. “I’m fine. I’m not hungry, that’s it.”
William remains unconvinced, options flashing through his mind quickly. “Maybe we left too soon. M-Maybe we should go back to the hos-”
“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence, Bill. I mean it. I’m…”
Even if Gabe hadn’t then lifted a hand to his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose, the warning light would still have started flashing in William’s mind, mostly because of how it’s pretty rare for Gabe Saporta not to finish a sentence.
William steps forward, craning his neck to try and look at Gabe’s face. “You’re not fine,” he says quietly, reaching up and gently tugging Gabe’s hand away from his face to instead replace it with his own. It’s only a split second before Gabe steps back, jerking away from William’s touch, but it’s long enough for William to register that Gabe doesn’t feel too warm or anything.
“I’m not sick,” Gabe snaps, voice filled with sudden harsh anger. “I need some space. I never asked you to come here, and I sure as fuck never asked you to stay.”
William is left standing, staring; watching Gabe turn and walk away, taking every long-legged stride into the bedroom without pausing even once.
-
He gives Gabe a few minutes, watching the second hand of his wristwatch go around until the third time. Then William fills a glass with water, setting it on the counter so he fish the bottle of Tylenol from one of the kitchen drawers. It’s still where Gabe always kept it, William registers vaguely in the back of his mind while the majority of his thoughts are taken up by the sudden idea he should move them, hide them and anything even slightly dangerous, but… no, William realises. Despite time and distances, William still knows Gabe. Which means he knows that isn’t the way.
Take away Gabe Saporta’s choices and he’ll work his way through every one, just to show he can. Just to pretend he doesn’t give a fuck.
William slowly fills his lungs with air, breathing it out again just as gradually as he picks up the glass again with his free hand. He walks across the living room area and up to the bedroom doorway to find Gabe sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward; elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. Taking another deep breath to steady himself, William forces himself to speak into the silence.
“Knock knock.” When Gabe doesn’t move, or even say anything, William just steps forward, turning and sitting down next to Gabe, careful to leave a gap between the two of them. “Headache?” he offers, keeping his voice low and quiet.
“It’s annoying, you know, Bilvy,” it’s not the note of sarcasm in Gabe’s tone which makes William smile, so much as the use of the nickname. “The all-knowing smart-ass thing.” Gabe turns his head to look at William. Somehow he manages to smirk at the same time his eyes are doing this squinting thing.
“You’d know,” William shrugs, holding out the glass of water. “Two things guaranteed to make you cranky - assholes, and hangovers you haven’t been able to sleep off.”
“And you’d think those drips and shit they had me on would’ve fixed me up good,” Gabe says as he sits up, rubbing his hand across his face before meeting William’s eyes again, his own gaze darkened slightly. “Guess this is something I can’t shake off so easy.” Gabe pauses, eyes flicking downward to William’s hand before he reaches out. Gabe takes the pill bottle first, popping the lid and shaking a couple of the capsules out into his hand. William swaps the bottle out for the water, closing the cap and slipping it into his pants pocket. “Thank you, Bill.”
The words come out a little awkward, Gabe glancing away - embarrassed maybe, William thinks to himself - so he just nods his acknowledgement, just watching while Gabe drinks the whole glass in one go, then leaning forward to place the glass on the floor. “You want some more?” William asks, wincing inwardly as he wrestles with his thoughts for a second before adding, “Water… I meant.” And yeah, okay, the award for Awkward goes to…
Gabe huffs out a laugh, giving William a look; one of those looks that always makes him feel like Gabe is looking right into him, reading his mind. In all honesty William wouldn’t put it past him.
William is expecting some remark from Gabe, but after a day spent dancing around subjects, talking about anything but What Happened, the last thing William expects is the truth; stark and real and as much as it adds to the weight on William’s heart, he’s glad for it.
“Fuck, I’m tired,” Gabe bites out, the words chased by a sigh. “You’d think after almost two days practically chained to a bed I wouldn’t be.”
William echoes Gabe’s sigh, bringing his hand up to rake his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. “You know it’s okay, right?” When Gabe just looks at him again, eyes questioning, William continues quietly. “To be… affected. By… this.” When Gabe just shrugs, gaze shifting back to stare down at the carpet in front of them, William hesitates for a second before reaching up, rubbing small circles into the back of Gabe’s neck with his fingers, thumb tracing the line of the curve down to his shoulder. The action isn’t any less practised from lack of use, William notices. Although part of him almost wants to voice the observation William pushes the thought back down right away, instead opting to offer an idea instead. “I know it’s early for New York city, but maybe a little sleep wouldn’t go amiss right now. And if you want to preserve your street cred and stuff, I’ll stand up in court and swear blind that it’s only a disco nap.”
Gabe laughs suddenly, and when he lifts his head, turning it to look at William, he’s grinning, and Gabe huffs out another breath of laughter as he shifts up the bed a little, leaning sideways to rest his head on William’s shoulder. “Disco nap,” he murmurs, snuggling into it in that shameless Saporta-esque way. It feels wonderfully familiar, and for a second William almost, almost lets himself forget the time gone by, the circumstances changed, and almost lets himself fall into it.
Almost.
“Bed,” William says gently, slowly shifting slightly, gently pushing Gabe by the shoulder to prompt him to sit up which he does, albeit reluctantly. When Gabe just sits there, still, William just rolls his eyes as he starts to act himself, instead, tugging Gabe’s jacket off his shoulders. “You can do the rest,” he laughs, and Gabe joins him, poking his tongue out at William even as he pulls his jacket off properly.
Just waiting another second or two, William then stands up, bending down to pick up the empty glass from the floor where Gabe had left it. Glancing at Gabe once more, William walks out and through into the kitchen to rinse out the glass. Noticing the food left on the counter he quickly covers it over and puts it away in the fridge. It gives him something to do, a reason to leave the room and to not have to decide whether to look away while Gabe changes. Either way that choice could have gone would have been too telling, probably more so to himself than Gabe, and… perhaps Gabe isn’t the only one who’s been avoiding certain subjects, William admits to himself, letting out a sigh as he leans back against the countertop.
It’s only when movement across the room catches his eye that William lifts his head to see Gabe standing in the bedroom doorway, just… looking. William looks back, keeping the eye contact for as long as Gabe allows it before the other man simply turns around again, walking back into the bedroom.
William thinks, turning the options over and over in his head, changing his mind a dozen times before he lets himself stop thinking and just act instead. It’s what lead him here, let William take the first step, take that flight, and rightly or wrongly William goes with it. It’s a little late to turn back, he figures as he walks over to the sofa, to where his backpack is sitting on the floor, and besides… if he’s here for Gabe, he’s here for Gabe, and that’s it.
When William walks back into the bedroom he’s changed out of his other clothes and into a t shirt and pyjama pants, two of the not-enough items he’d stuffed into the backpack when he’d left Chicago. Gabe is sat up against the headboard, legs crossed, bed covers pulled back. There’s a blanket and spare pillow waiting on the sofa but William knows, now - has finally admitted to himself - it was always unlikely they’d be used.
There’s time for change yet, William knows. Hell, there’s more than enough time to go right back to the sofa. But then Gabe lifts his head, looking right at William, and he can’t. He just… can’t.
“I know I shouldn’t ask,” Gabe tells him, enough guilt in his tone to match his eyes.
“You don’t have to,” William replies simply, finally breaking eye contact to turn around, shutting the door behind him softly before walking forward, sitting on the edge of the bed opposite where Gabe is sat. He draws his legs up, bringing them around and turning his body to find Gabe just watching him. “Come on,” he says quietly, allowing himself a smile when he adds, “Disco nap time.”
Gabe doesn’t smile back, just goes along with it, leaning over to flick the switch on the bedside lamp. With the blind rolled down, only the tiniest amount of light from the streetlamps outside shines through a crack where the window isn’t quite covered, and it’s just enough to let William’s eyes slowly adjust to the darkness.
He can just about make out the movement of Gabe shifting to lie down on his side, facing William with his eyes still open. William doesn’t let himself wonder if it means anything, and instead just does likewise, settling himself down on his side, facing Gabe. “Hi,” he says, whisper soft. He isn’t sure why.
“I lied to you earlier.”
It’s out of the blue, and William feels a little lost when he can’t see Gabe’s eyes properly, anchor himself in that. Maybe that’s the point; why Gabe is saying this now. So lost or not, William needs to let him say it, he decides. “Okay…”
“I’m sick, Bill,” comes the confession, and William’s chest tightens painfully. “I’ve always been kinda… off. You know as well as anyone. But lately it’s… different.” There’s a pause, but before William can say anything Gabe speaks again instead. “I’m really sick, Bilvy.” Gabe’s voice cracks a little and hearing it does the same to William’s heart.
“Hey. Hey…” William reaches over, fumbling slightly in the dark as his hand finds Gabe head, fingers automatically starting to card through Gabe’s hair. “Shh,” he breathes the sound out, dropping his hand to reach down for the edge of the covers, tugging them up over himself and Gabe. “You’re not sick. You’re not okay right now, maybe, but you’re not sick. I promise.” William pushes himself up a little and shifts forward to press a close mouthed kiss to Gabe’s temple. As if it isn’t enough in itself, William lingers there for a moment, eyes closed as he takes a brief breath in and out before forcing himself to move away again, put the distance back between them. William could maybe even kid himself that it’s safe, if he tried hard enough.
When William settles back down against the pillow Gabe’s eyes are fixed on his right away. Guilt suddenly twists in William’s stomach, but before he can question himself in his head Gabe beats him to it.
“Why’re you here?”
Whereas the darkness seems to allow Gabe to speak more freely, William isn’t afforded the luxury himself, and he has to force the words from his mouth. “I just… I had to.” William looks past Gabe instead of at him, fingers playing with a crease in the bed sheet. “Can that be enough?” For now, William adds silently in his thoughts.
Gabe’s chest rises and falls a couple of times before he answers. “Always was, wasn’t it?”
Until it wasn’t, William’s brain continues in it’s incessant unhelpfulness.
Silence falls between them again, long enough for William to wonder if Gabe is falling asleep. William closes his own eyes only for them to snap open again a moment or two later when Gabe speaks again. “I kinda lied again.” From the minimal light gracing the curve of Gabe’s cheek William can see the movement of the muscles there, just about make out the small smile. “I am glad you’re here.”
The words automatically tug the corner of William’s mouth upward as he answers, voice soft. “Me too.” He watches Gabe’s eyes drift close, watching a little bit longer as thoughts drift through his head.
Up until now William has focused on ‘had to’, ‘needing to’. Lying there in Gabe’s bed, waiting for him to fall asleep, William forces himself to acknowledge, for the first time since Ryland had called, that he had made choices in this; choices leading to the here and now.
So, just for himself, William whispers the confirmation out loud, the words barely even audible. “I’m glad too.”
**A/N: Again, sorry for the lateness of this. I need to figure out how to fit writing in with life >_<.
Author: minus_four
Rating: PG-13
Pairing: Gabe/William
POV: 3rd, present
Summary: When Ryland had called with bad news about Gabe, William found himself with little choice but to fly to New York. Faced with yet more choices as time goes on, William eventually has to admit that's exactly what they are. Choices.
Disclaimer: To my knowledge these events depicted here are completely untrue. The title is a Midtown song.
Warnings: Mention of self harming actions. Potentially triggering aspects.
Author's notes: I'm sure no one's THAT shocked by how long it took me to update, but I'm still really sorry :/
(prologue) (one)
It feels way too long but not nearly long enough at the same time, when it’s only the next morning and Gabe can be going home already, any time now. At least that’s what Alex had passed onto William earlier when he’d woken up, instinctively jerking away from even Alex’s gentle shake of his shoulder and almost falling off the waiting room chairs he and the rest of the Cobras had gathered around the door to Gabe’s room. It was, apparently, general hospital policy that hallways be kept as clear as possible, but William wasn’t surprised that the rule hadn’t exactly been upheld. He’d learned a long time ago that, when they needed to, the Cobras had no problem making their own rules.
Rubbing at his eyes, one then the other, William listens to Alex as he explains, then William nods as he replaces his glasses, fidgeting with his hair as he gets ready to ask. Nervous habit.
“Can I go in first, talk to him?”
Alex gives him a smile, reassuring and steady and just… Alex. The knowledge of one more thing which hasn’t changed over the years makes William’s nerves settle slightly. “Sure. I still gotta round the others up from wherever they’ve gone to find breakfast anyway.”
Permission granted, if he ever needed it, William gets up, stretching his arms above his head as he heads for the door to room 206.
When he goes in Gabe is sat at the foot of the bed, just finishing up getting dressed. He looks up just briefly, nodding his acknowledgement of William’s presence before going back to the task in hand of doing up his button down shirt. Without saying anything, William just goes to sit next to him. Gabe’s fingers fumble with the buttons more than once, and William wonders if it’s because he’s nervous or because of… something else.
William wants to ask, and he wants to offer to help, but he keeps himself from doing either and just waits for Gabe to finish, then lifting his head to look at William.
“Heard you’re getting out,” William offers.
Gabe nods. “So they tell me.”
“And… how do you feel about that?” William asks, ignoring the ‘Seriously, Bill?’ look that Gabe gives him. “Gabe,” he adds quietly, prompting.
“I just want to forget about this,” Gabe tells him, shrugging.
William is just opening his mouth to reply when the door in front of them opens, revealing the rest of the Cobras. They enter one by one, each of their expressions serious, sombre. It’s bizarre for this band, and even though as extenuating circumstances go this definitely counts, William is still unsettled by it. By all of this, really.
“What, intervention time?” Gabe laughs, and William can see the mask slipping back into place again, bit by bit. William realises then that Gabe meant what he said; he’s ready to try and bury what happened, forget about it, make some joke and move on.
“Not exactly,” Ryland says as he turns slightly, just to push the door shut completely. “But we need to talk.”
Gabe’s expression sobers, the fake smile dropping from his face in a second. He doesn’t say anything, though.
“Basically, the doctors have told us that when you’re released from here it has to be into the custody of family, or as good as.” Alex tells Gabe. His voice is matter-of-fact, neutral.
“Or you’re not getting out of here at all,” Nate adds. He doesn’t do quite a good a job as Alex at keeping the emotion out of his voice; equal parts worry and resentment. William watches Gabe’s eyes shift to fix on the floor and it’s weird, how often he’s seen that since getting to the hospital, when Gabe Saporta isn’t exactly known for avoidance and especially not around his band.
It only lasts for about half a minute, though, before Gabe’s head lifts and he’s back again, fully present and alert and frowning at everyone in turn, confusion in his eyes. “But… C’mon. You guys are touring,” He looks at Ryland, Alex, then Victoria, “Vic, that fashion shit in LA,” and finally turns to look at Nate again. “And heading for the studio with Spence and Black Cards. And -” Gabe’s eyes snap back to Alex’s, with more than a hint of a glare suddenly colouring them, “- if you tell my family any of this shit happened I will kick your asses.” William himself tenses slightly as Gabe’s voice rises gradually in both volume and intensity. “And I fuck enough up without screwing all you guys over too. I don’t need a fucking babysitter. Jesus, I -”
Alex steps away from the wall all of a sudden, neutrality seemingly snapped as anger creeps into his tone for the first time since William had arrived. “Seems like you do, actually. You think you can bullshit us? Us, Gabe? Seriously?”
“Guys… Fuck,” Nate stands up, stepping into the space between Gabe and Alex as Gabe suddenly stands up too. Ryland does likewise as Victoria walks to the other side of the room, facing the wall as she puts a hand across her mouth. The only one left sitting, William just watches for a few seconds until the right decision - or lack thereof - comes to him.
Alex has a hand resting on Nate’s shoulder, reassuring, but his gaze is still fixed on Gabe’s. “You can’t just do this and think we’re going to ignore it.”
“I’m not worth this shit,” Gabe laughs; bitter, humorless. “Don’t you know me well enough by now? I’m not -”
William almost jumps up more than stands, barely forming the words in his head before he’s saying them loudly, almost yelling to make sure they’re heard. “I’ll do it.”
Gabe stops mid-sentence, and one by one the rest of the Cobras turn their focus to William instead. He isn’t sure if the questioning in their eyes is in need of clarification, or just because they’ve forgotten he’s there. A mixture, probably, William thinks to himself as he forces himself to consider his next words properly, not wanting to risk stuttering at a time like this.
“I’ll stay with Gabe,” he clarifies, voice firm. It softens, though, when he speaks again. “I mean, since I didn’t know - you know… I got an open ticket, so. I’m free. And so are you guys.” William shifts his gaze around each of the Cobras, hoping his eyes portray enough of an ‘It’s okay, really’ vibe to the others.
“But what about -” It’s Ryland that speaks up first, still looking confused and William doesn’t really need to guess why, and he doesn’t especially want that sentence finished.
“I can do this. It’s fine, I promise,” William says firmly, looking Ryland in the eye and shaking his head just the tiniest amount to ask him to drop it. “And I… I want to. If it’s… if that’s. Okay. With… everyone,” William finishes awkwardly, finally getting up the courage to look at Gabe.
For a little while William is waiting for another rant, another outburst of anger, but the seconds pass and then Gabe just nods.
“How long?” Gabe asks, voice quiet, suddenly infused with guilt again.
“Until you get signed off by a psychiatrist,” Ryland says, and when Gabe huffs out a derisive laugh Ryland speaks again, this time more firmly. “We’re trying to work with you here. They’d normally keep you in, we’re getting you out in less than a day, but this is how it works, alright? Just… we gotta work this,” Ryland’s voice quietens, and he swallows hard. Gabe and Ryland’s eyes lock for a couple of seconds, then Gabe is walking past Nate and Alex and in the next moment pulling Ryland into a hug.
There’s complete silence in the room for half a minute or so, then William is just about able to make out the sound of Gabe murmuring apologies, repeating the words a few times as they become increasingly muffled when Ryland just tightens his arms around Gabe.
When they separate, Gabe simply gives Ryland a small smile when Ryland nods, and Gabe moves on, turning and stepping across to where Alex and Nate are still stood. Gabe hugs each of them in turn, then says, almost whisper quiet; “’scuse me.”
Tapping her on the shoulder, Gabe doesn’t open his arms for a hug when Victoria turns around. Instead, he lifts both hands to the sides of her face, just looking at her for a second before leaning forward and pressing his mouth to Victoria’s forehead. The kiss lasts for only a moment or two before Victoria pulls away, just enough to prompt the shift into a hug.
The others watch for a minute, just casually watch, as Gabe slowly steps backward until he’s leaning against the corner of the room, then he just holds the hug there.
Sighing to himself, William steps sideways, shifting closer to Alex, Ryland, and Nate. First they just exchange looks, exchange that same feeling of unsettlement, of not knowing.
“Maybe I should stay,” Nate says quietly, glancing across at where Gabe was still stood, eyes closed as he whispered words to Victoria they couldn’t hear, arms still wrapped around her.
“Maybe,” Ryland echoes, sighing. “Could make him feel… worse, though.” He shrugs when Nate looks at him. “I don’t know,” he says, and Nate nods in acknowledgement.
“I can always call,” William tells them, then quickly adds, “and I will. Obviously. So… it’ll be okay. We’ll be… okay.” His answer must edge of unconvincing, just as it feels, because Ryland raises both eyebrows slightly.
He lifts one hand, bringing it to rest on William’s shoulder. “You sure you want to do this? At the best of times Gabe can be… Gabe.” Ryland shrugs again, letting out the hint of a laugh, and something inside William settles a little at the sound. It’s a bit strange to think of, given the… circumstances, but at that moment William realises that Ryland - the others too, most likely - probably has that same feeling deep down that he does himself; that confidence still left that Gabe will be okay, because he’s Gabe. It feels right and wrong all at the same time, but standing in a hospital room after all this, William figures they should be allowed to hold onto all the ‘right’ they can.
Mentally shaking himself out of his thoughts, William brings his attention back to Ryland’s words. Across the room, Gabe suddenly opens his eyes to meet William’s and William just nods in response to Ryland without taking his eyes off Gabe’s. He can’t, and in the back of his mind William thinks to himself how some things just don’t change. “I’m sure.”
---
“So… this is what it takes to get you to visit, huh?”
It’s pretty much the first thing Gabe’s said to him since they left the hospital, the first thing to break the awkward silence, but William is grateful for it and Gabe is smiling that trademark Saporta smirk, so he smiles back. “We’re busy these days. Being grown ups, I guess.” William shrugs. The elevator doors open and they both step out, starting to walk down towards Gabe’s apartment door, William with his rucksack, Gabe back in the jeans, button down cotton shirt, and battered denim jacket he’d been wearing… before.
As Gabe goes for his keys in his jeans pocket, he answers William. “Speak for yourself, Beckett. I’m still a kid.” He grins, and William rolls his eyes, almost forgets, and for a split second the years passed disappear. Then William catches himself, and just waits for Gabe to open the door as he mentally gives himself a reality check.
It’s nothing, though. Nothing compared to the massive dose of Reality Check which hits William as soon as the door swings open and he steps inside.
“Shit,” Gabe bites out, but William barely hears him.
Dropping his backpack to the floor with a thump, William walks forward a few more feet to just stop and stand in the middle of Gabe’s living room space. The apartment is open plan, and from there William can look to his right at the kitchen, taking in the empty bottles that haphazardly line the counter top, more scattered underneath, around the trash can. Then William drops his gaze to the wooden floor in front of him; the space in front of the sofa, one more empty bottle, a half crushed pill someone has stepped on, and a patch of dried vomit. It almost looks like art, except for how painfully real it all feels.
“Fuck, Bill. I didn’t think… Don’t -”
“It’s okay,” William says, turning and giving Gabe a reassuring smile. “Just. We should clean up.” He glances around first before confirming his assumption. “Under the sink still, yeah?”
“Yeah,” Gabe nods, “but I’ll… Bill!” When William just heads for the kitchen area Gabe follows him, grabbing the cloth and cleaning spray from him. “I’ll do it,” Gabe repeats quietly, looking William in the eye for a second or two before walking away.
He’s already knelt on the floor, spraying the floor, when William drops into his line of vision, kneeling down opposite. William reaches over, gently pulling the cloth out of Gabe’s grip. “Let’s just do it together.” He visibly winces. “I d-didn’t mean, uh - I just -”
“S’cool,” Gabe cuts in quickly, putting the spray bottle on the floor and reaching across as well. He closes his fingers around the cloth, but he doesn’t try and take it from William. Instead, Gabe just tugs it downward, taking William’s hand with it as he starts to rub the cloth across the wooden floor. “I mean… we’re grown ups now, right?”
William just looks at Gabe for a second before he lets himself smile. “Right.”
---
In the next stage of ‘clean up’ Gabe and William pack the empty alcohol bottles into doubled up trash bags, at least out of sight until they can get rid of them properly. They don’t speak during. Gabe doesn’t offer anything and William doesn’t force it. He might not be entirely sure how he got here or why, but William knows it isn’t to accuse Gabe of anything or make him talk about shit if doesn’t want to. And maybe, William admits to himself as he ties up the second bag to match the first in Gabe’s hands, maybe he just doesn’t want to think about it too much himself.
In the back of his mind William wonders if he’s the right person for this, but it’s a little late for that now so William turns his thoughts back to practicalities, dropping the trash bag in the corner of the kitchen and heading right for the collection of take out menus.
Picking a couple of them up, William holds one in each hand in front of Gabe as the other man straightens up. “Chinese? Pizza?”
Gabe lifts a hand to his chin, tapping his index finger against his mouth in an exaggerated ‘thinking’ gesture. “Gotta go with Chinese, if that’s cool.”
“S’cool with me,” William says, mimicking Gabe’s way of speaking slightly, and Gabe laughs as he fishes his cell out of his pocket.
Gabe doesn’t ask what William wants, just takes the menu from him and starts dialling the number. William doesn’t say anything. It’d be a little hypocritical of him to question Gabe remembering everything when he hasn’t forgotten himself.
While they wait for the food to arrive Gabe heads for the bathroom, and as he half-listens to Gabe singing in the shower William absentmindedly starts cleaning the kitchen, wiping the counter tops and sink. Cleaning is sort of an automatic thing for William now, kind of a default setting.
Getting out a couple of plates from the bottom cupboard, William thinks to himself. Having a kid will do that to you.
---
When the food arrives and William yells for Gabe, he appears from the bedroom, hair still damp, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s a little weird, Gabe’s changed demeanour, but William decides to just carry on, arranging the boxes of food on the kitchen counter and taking care to keep his chicken dish away from Gabe’s food.
“You want a plate, or just the boxes?” William asks. Gabe looks at the food, and William watches the movement of his throat as he swallows hard. William finds himself frowning slightly. “Are you…”
“Just not hungry, I guess,” Gabe shrugs. He’s still staring at the food and hasn’t looked at William yet. “I’m not feeling too good,” he admits, finally glancing at William for a second. “Sorry.”
William shakes his head; don’t be. “What kind of ‘not so good’?” William’s frown deepens as concern turns into full fledged worry taking hold of his chest.
“I don’t know - It doesn’t matter. We can eat later…” When Gabe looks at William again he sighs heavily. “I’m fine. I’m not hungry, that’s it.”
William remains unconvinced, options flashing through his mind quickly. “Maybe we left too soon. M-Maybe we should go back to the hos-”
“Don’t you fucking dare finish that sentence, Bill. I mean it. I’m…”
Even if Gabe hadn’t then lifted a hand to his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose, the warning light would still have started flashing in William’s mind, mostly because of how it’s pretty rare for Gabe Saporta not to finish a sentence.
William steps forward, craning his neck to try and look at Gabe’s face. “You’re not fine,” he says quietly, reaching up and gently tugging Gabe’s hand away from his face to instead replace it with his own. It’s only a split second before Gabe steps back, jerking away from William’s touch, but it’s long enough for William to register that Gabe doesn’t feel too warm or anything.
“I’m not sick,” Gabe snaps, voice filled with sudden harsh anger. “I need some space. I never asked you to come here, and I sure as fuck never asked you to stay.”
William is left standing, staring; watching Gabe turn and walk away, taking every long-legged stride into the bedroom without pausing even once.
-
He gives Gabe a few minutes, watching the second hand of his wristwatch go around until the third time. Then William fills a glass with water, setting it on the counter so he fish the bottle of Tylenol from one of the kitchen drawers. It’s still where Gabe always kept it, William registers vaguely in the back of his mind while the majority of his thoughts are taken up by the sudden idea he should move them, hide them and anything even slightly dangerous, but… no, William realises. Despite time and distances, William still knows Gabe. Which means he knows that isn’t the way.
Take away Gabe Saporta’s choices and he’ll work his way through every one, just to show he can. Just to pretend he doesn’t give a fuck.
William slowly fills his lungs with air, breathing it out again just as gradually as he picks up the glass again with his free hand. He walks across the living room area and up to the bedroom doorway to find Gabe sat on the edge of the bed, leaning forward; elbows resting on his knees, head in his hands. Taking another deep breath to steady himself, William forces himself to speak into the silence.
“Knock knock.” When Gabe doesn’t move, or even say anything, William just steps forward, turning and sitting down next to Gabe, careful to leave a gap between the two of them. “Headache?” he offers, keeping his voice low and quiet.
“It’s annoying, you know, Bilvy,” it’s not the note of sarcasm in Gabe’s tone which makes William smile, so much as the use of the nickname. “The all-knowing smart-ass thing.” Gabe turns his head to look at William. Somehow he manages to smirk at the same time his eyes are doing this squinting thing.
“You’d know,” William shrugs, holding out the glass of water. “Two things guaranteed to make you cranky - assholes, and hangovers you haven’t been able to sleep off.”
“And you’d think those drips and shit they had me on would’ve fixed me up good,” Gabe says as he sits up, rubbing his hand across his face before meeting William’s eyes again, his own gaze darkened slightly. “Guess this is something I can’t shake off so easy.” Gabe pauses, eyes flicking downward to William’s hand before he reaches out. Gabe takes the pill bottle first, popping the lid and shaking a couple of the capsules out into his hand. William swaps the bottle out for the water, closing the cap and slipping it into his pants pocket. “Thank you, Bill.”
The words come out a little awkward, Gabe glancing away - embarrassed maybe, William thinks to himself - so he just nods his acknowledgement, just watching while Gabe drinks the whole glass in one go, then leaning forward to place the glass on the floor. “You want some more?” William asks, wincing inwardly as he wrestles with his thoughts for a second before adding, “Water… I meant.” And yeah, okay, the award for Awkward goes to…
Gabe huffs out a laugh, giving William a look; one of those looks that always makes him feel like Gabe is looking right into him, reading his mind. In all honesty William wouldn’t put it past him.
William is expecting some remark from Gabe, but after a day spent dancing around subjects, talking about anything but What Happened, the last thing William expects is the truth; stark and real and as much as it adds to the weight on William’s heart, he’s glad for it.
“Fuck, I’m tired,” Gabe bites out, the words chased by a sigh. “You’d think after almost two days practically chained to a bed I wouldn’t be.”
William echoes Gabe’s sigh, bringing his hand up to rake his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face. “You know it’s okay, right?” When Gabe just looks at him again, eyes questioning, William continues quietly. “To be… affected. By… this.” When Gabe just shrugs, gaze shifting back to stare down at the carpet in front of them, William hesitates for a second before reaching up, rubbing small circles into the back of Gabe’s neck with his fingers, thumb tracing the line of the curve down to his shoulder. The action isn’t any less practised from lack of use, William notices. Although part of him almost wants to voice the observation William pushes the thought back down right away, instead opting to offer an idea instead. “I know it’s early for New York city, but maybe a little sleep wouldn’t go amiss right now. And if you want to preserve your street cred and stuff, I’ll stand up in court and swear blind that it’s only a disco nap.”
Gabe laughs suddenly, and when he lifts his head, turning it to look at William, he’s grinning, and Gabe huffs out another breath of laughter as he shifts up the bed a little, leaning sideways to rest his head on William’s shoulder. “Disco nap,” he murmurs, snuggling into it in that shameless Saporta-esque way. It feels wonderfully familiar, and for a second William almost, almost lets himself forget the time gone by, the circumstances changed, and almost lets himself fall into it.
Almost.
“Bed,” William says gently, slowly shifting slightly, gently pushing Gabe by the shoulder to prompt him to sit up which he does, albeit reluctantly. When Gabe just sits there, still, William just rolls his eyes as he starts to act himself, instead, tugging Gabe’s jacket off his shoulders. “You can do the rest,” he laughs, and Gabe joins him, poking his tongue out at William even as he pulls his jacket off properly.
Just waiting another second or two, William then stands up, bending down to pick up the empty glass from the floor where Gabe had left it. Glancing at Gabe once more, William walks out and through into the kitchen to rinse out the glass. Noticing the food left on the counter he quickly covers it over and puts it away in the fridge. It gives him something to do, a reason to leave the room and to not have to decide whether to look away while Gabe changes. Either way that choice could have gone would have been too telling, probably more so to himself than Gabe, and… perhaps Gabe isn’t the only one who’s been avoiding certain subjects, William admits to himself, letting out a sigh as he leans back against the countertop.
It’s only when movement across the room catches his eye that William lifts his head to see Gabe standing in the bedroom doorway, just… looking. William looks back, keeping the eye contact for as long as Gabe allows it before the other man simply turns around again, walking back into the bedroom.
William thinks, turning the options over and over in his head, changing his mind a dozen times before he lets himself stop thinking and just act instead. It’s what lead him here, let William take the first step, take that flight, and rightly or wrongly William goes with it. It’s a little late to turn back, he figures as he walks over to the sofa, to where his backpack is sitting on the floor, and besides… if he’s here for Gabe, he’s here for Gabe, and that’s it.
When William walks back into the bedroom he’s changed out of his other clothes and into a t shirt and pyjama pants, two of the not-enough items he’d stuffed into the backpack when he’d left Chicago. Gabe is sat up against the headboard, legs crossed, bed covers pulled back. There’s a blanket and spare pillow waiting on the sofa but William knows, now - has finally admitted to himself - it was always unlikely they’d be used.
There’s time for change yet, William knows. Hell, there’s more than enough time to go right back to the sofa. But then Gabe lifts his head, looking right at William, and he can’t. He just… can’t.
“I know I shouldn’t ask,” Gabe tells him, enough guilt in his tone to match his eyes.
“You don’t have to,” William replies simply, finally breaking eye contact to turn around, shutting the door behind him softly before walking forward, sitting on the edge of the bed opposite where Gabe is sat. He draws his legs up, bringing them around and turning his body to find Gabe just watching him. “Come on,” he says quietly, allowing himself a smile when he adds, “Disco nap time.”
Gabe doesn’t smile back, just goes along with it, leaning over to flick the switch on the bedside lamp. With the blind rolled down, only the tiniest amount of light from the streetlamps outside shines through a crack where the window isn’t quite covered, and it’s just enough to let William’s eyes slowly adjust to the darkness.
He can just about make out the movement of Gabe shifting to lie down on his side, facing William with his eyes still open. William doesn’t let himself wonder if it means anything, and instead just does likewise, settling himself down on his side, facing Gabe. “Hi,” he says, whisper soft. He isn’t sure why.
“I lied to you earlier.”
It’s out of the blue, and William feels a little lost when he can’t see Gabe’s eyes properly, anchor himself in that. Maybe that’s the point; why Gabe is saying this now. So lost or not, William needs to let him say it, he decides. “Okay…”
“I’m sick, Bill,” comes the confession, and William’s chest tightens painfully. “I’ve always been kinda… off. You know as well as anyone. But lately it’s… different.” There’s a pause, but before William can say anything Gabe speaks again instead. “I’m really sick, Bilvy.” Gabe’s voice cracks a little and hearing it does the same to William’s heart.
“Hey. Hey…” William reaches over, fumbling slightly in the dark as his hand finds Gabe head, fingers automatically starting to card through Gabe’s hair. “Shh,” he breathes the sound out, dropping his hand to reach down for the edge of the covers, tugging them up over himself and Gabe. “You’re not sick. You’re not okay right now, maybe, but you’re not sick. I promise.” William pushes himself up a little and shifts forward to press a close mouthed kiss to Gabe’s temple. As if it isn’t enough in itself, William lingers there for a moment, eyes closed as he takes a brief breath in and out before forcing himself to move away again, put the distance back between them. William could maybe even kid himself that it’s safe, if he tried hard enough.
When William settles back down against the pillow Gabe’s eyes are fixed on his right away. Guilt suddenly twists in William’s stomach, but before he can question himself in his head Gabe beats him to it.
“Why’re you here?”
Whereas the darkness seems to allow Gabe to speak more freely, William isn’t afforded the luxury himself, and he has to force the words from his mouth. “I just… I had to.” William looks past Gabe instead of at him, fingers playing with a crease in the bed sheet. “Can that be enough?” For now, William adds silently in his thoughts.
Gabe’s chest rises and falls a couple of times before he answers. “Always was, wasn’t it?”
Until it wasn’t, William’s brain continues in it’s incessant unhelpfulness.
Silence falls between them again, long enough for William to wonder if Gabe is falling asleep. William closes his own eyes only for them to snap open again a moment or two later when Gabe speaks again. “I kinda lied again.” From the minimal light gracing the curve of Gabe’s cheek William can see the movement of the muscles there, just about make out the small smile. “I am glad you’re here.”
The words automatically tug the corner of William’s mouth upward as he answers, voice soft. “Me too.” He watches Gabe’s eyes drift close, watching a little bit longer as thoughts drift through his head.
Up until now William has focused on ‘had to’, ‘needing to’. Lying there in Gabe’s bed, waiting for him to fall asleep, William forces himself to acknowledge, for the first time since Ryland had called, that he had made choices in this; choices leading to the here and now.
So, just for himself, William whispers the confirmation out loud, the words barely even audible. “I’m glad too.”
**A/N: Again, sorry for the lateness of this. I need to figure out how to fit writing in with life >_<.