30 Quills: Say it enough and I'll believe you . . . (#4 ~In a world without words. . .)
A/N: This was inspired by a couple of conversations with friends, as well as this fabulous commentary by pistolwhippinzombies where it was discussed that perhaps in the Cube, Teddy had had to watch Billy be tortured before we see the story pick up with him passed out on panel and Billy watching. I was intrigued by that thought.
I also wanted to explore the aftermath of this event because we see absolutely nothing of how this ended up affecting them on panel. I cried really hard when I read this arc the first time, and by that I mean all out bawling, not just because how emotionally intense that torture scene was but for several other conflicting reasons.
If you are going to allow four kids to get the fuck tortured out of them, then at least have it affect them, have it be a part of some kind of character building experience. Nope, it’s like it never happened. UNACCEPTABLE.
. . . . Sorry. (>.>);;
*kicks soap box away*
~+~
Say it enough and I’ll believe you . . .
30 Quills Challenge: #4~ In a world without words
~+~
It was the sobs that penetrated his subconscious first, the sound bringing with it dark memories he did his best to suppress in the daylight hours. Somehow the thin sheets of the pallet they shared had twisted around them with Billy’s thrashing. He shook off the last of his sleepiness and pulled the tangled mess away from them. The fabric of Billy’s shirt was damp with sweat where he gripped his shoulder to give it a light shake.
“Shhh, shh, B. It’s okay.”
“Iw-wanthimtostop.I-Iwanthimtos-stop--”
“Billy, Billy,” Teddy pulled the other boy close, wrapping strong arms tight around his trembling form.
Billy thrashed with another sob, “I-Iwanthimtostop!Iw-wanthimtostop!!”
Teddy pushed the hair back from his sweaty brow-- his temperature had climbed during the night again, dammit-- and focused on waking the boy currently trapped in a fever dream.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay now, B. It’s over,” he put a careful stop to Billy’s sleepy struggles, talking him down until the other boy started in his arms, gasping and blinking in disorientation, awake but not fully out of the nightmare’s grasp.
“T-Teddy, Teddy--”
“Right here, B, shh--”
“I-Iwanthimtos-sto--” Billy choked, shaking hands roaming his torso, remembering the mangled mess it had been in the Cube after the doctor’s repeated incisions.
“Billy,” he gripped those wandering hands firmly, voice gentle as he lifted his shirt and placed their hands over his abdomen where Billy could feel the soft healed skin there, “It’s over, we’re safe. They’re gone, see? Not even a scar . . .”
At least, none that could be seen . . .
Billy’s trembling fingers slid over his skin, searching for the cuts that had been burned into his mind’s eye, tracing over exactly where each incision had punctured the now flawless skin. It must have helped, because slowly Billy’s hitching breathes settled to the occasional hiccup. Teddy smiled small and relieved, resting his head on the pillow so he could simply look Billy in the eye, a visual assurance that they both needed. Too many dark memories were stirring restless in their heads, the scars their experience left behind still too fresh, or not yet healed in Billy’s case. He watched Billy wince as he shifted closer until their noses were nearly brushing, a bony shoulder shrugged up to rub at an ear, but Teddy’s firm grip stops it from reaching its target.
“You’re gonna make it worse if you keep rubbing at them.”
“S-Sorry . . . hurts.”
Something in Teddy’s chest crumpled painfully. Billy’s voice should never sound so small and wounded. A fierce protectiveness bloomed in his spirit, and underneath that a rage festered. He should have been unable to prevent this pain from being dealt to the boy in his arms. Gentle fingers pushed back the damp hair from Billy’s temple, trying to soothe without getting too near the inflamed ruin of his ears.
It was impossible to look upon the injury and not relive those terrible moments leading up to it, to not recall the sounds. The way Billy had screamed when that bastard inserted his instruments into his ear canals, without any anesthetic as if Billy were some kind of undeserving animal. Teddy had watched Billy thrash against his restraints; a strange dark muzzle covering his whole face made the ordeal all the more terrifying, but did little to quiet his muffled screams and sobs as he endured his torture.
Things got fuzzy after Teddy finally lost his composure, roaring like a beast and fighting his restraints with every ounce of might within him. He tried to hulk out, tried to break free, tried to stop Billy’s torment. Yet with every move he made it felt like gravity increased on him tenfold; again and again and again, until suddenly he could barely breathe from the pressure weighing him down in his shackles. Something was keeping him some shapeshifting and Billy was crying as they drilled those things into his ears and Teddy-
He had never felt so helpless and utterly useless in all his life. He could do nothing but weakly assure Billy he was there and it would be over soon, and to hold on, B, just hold on for me. It’ll be okay. I’m here. B-
A gentle tap to the deep crease between his brows brought him back to the present and he glanced down into Billy’s brown eyes shining with forlorn understanding. Billy had had to watch too . . . And Teddy still hadn’t managed to forgive himself for passing out like a pathetic wimp and leaving Billy alone through a whole new kind of torture while he was scalpeled half-way to hell.
He looked over his boyfriend, the shocky twitch of his eyes, the tenseness in his jaw, the flushed pallor of fever covering his skin as his body tried to fight off the infection in his ears. They managed as best they could with the supplies in the infirmary the Sercret Avengers had set up, but he probably should have taken Billy to a hospital. That risk had been too great what with Iron Man having blacklisted all of their identities; they would have been caught the moment their IDs were checked. Kate pulled a few strings with her father’s connections and at least had gotten them some antibiotics, but Teddy was sure it was something generic and practically impotent if it was taking this long to work.
“Teddy?” A thumb brushed over his brow soft and soothing, trying to bring him back to earth when he was obviously so far away.
Billy was hurting much worse than him, hadn’t yet been able to heal, had just suffered through an awful flashback, yet here he was, trying to comfort Teddy. His eyes prickled with that strange sensation that meant tears were soon to follow, but he inhaled sharply instead, pulling away from Billy to move off the bed pallet.
“It’s not time for your antibiotics yet, but let me see if I can find you some pain-killers,” he cleared his throat self-consciously as his voice came out a little too thick. Halfway out of the bed he froze when Billy’s trembling fingers clenched on the hem of his shirt.
“No, please--” Billy’s mouth clicked shut suddenly, his gaze falling to the sheets. He didn’t want to say don’t leave, didn’t want to sound like a whining baby; didn’t want to sound as weak as he actually felt. So instead he went with, “Sorry, It-- It can wait . . .”
His shoulder twitched towards his ear again and this time made contact before Teddy could stop him. Instead of relieving the itch he felt, it made Billy’s entire head buzz with a sharp-edged pain that had him hissing between his teeth and curling his fingers in his hair. Teddy was beside him in a second, hugging him close as his hands smoothed down his back.
“Dammit, B, told ya to stop that,” the reprimand sounded more like a plea, Teddy didn’t have it in him to put any bite behind it when Billy was in such obvious pain.
“S-Sorry--”
“Billy, stop apologizing--” His voice cracked. He couldn’t stand that insecurity in Billy’s tone; he wanted it gone, he shouldn’t have allowed it to be there in the first place, “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
“It’s not yours either, Teddy,” clammy hands tenderly cupped his face and forced him to look into Billy’s eyes, to see the pain mirrored in their sincere depths.
Teddy’s breaths were all too shaky, his vision gone blurry, and finally he just closed his eyes to allow the tears to roll down his face.
Billy wiped away every tear, nuzzling his chin with a long shaky sigh, “Shh, T, we’re okay.”
Teddy kissed his brow, leaving his lips against Billy’s clammy over-heated skin as he took a slow deep breath. His arm pulled Billy closer against him, and if he squeezed a little too hard when he twined their fingers together, Billy didn’t complain.
“We’re o-okay,” he offered in quiet shaky agreement.
“We’re okay,” Billy repeated, closing his eyes, “We’re okay, we’re okay . . .”
And if he said it enough times, maybe he could make it true.
~+~
Fin
~+~
~30 Quills Index~
I also wanted to explore the aftermath of this event because we see absolutely nothing of how this ended up affecting them on panel. I cried really hard when I read this arc the first time, and by that I mean all out bawling, not just because how emotionally intense that torture scene was but for several other conflicting reasons.
If you are going to allow four kids to get the fuck tortured out of them, then at least have it affect them, have it be a part of some kind of character building experience. Nope, it’s like it never happened. UNACCEPTABLE.
. . . . Sorry. (>.>);;
*kicks soap box away*
~+~
Say it enough and I’ll believe you . . .
30 Quills Challenge: #4~ In a world without words
~+~
It was the sobs that penetrated his subconscious first, the sound bringing with it dark memories he did his best to suppress in the daylight hours. Somehow the thin sheets of the pallet they shared had twisted around them with Billy’s thrashing. He shook off the last of his sleepiness and pulled the tangled mess away from them. The fabric of Billy’s shirt was damp with sweat where he gripped his shoulder to give it a light shake.
“Shhh, shh, B. It’s okay.”
“Iw-wanthimtostop.I-Iwanthimtos-stop--”
“Billy, Billy,” Teddy pulled the other boy close, wrapping strong arms tight around his trembling form.
Billy thrashed with another sob, “I-Iwanthimtostop!Iw-wanthimtostop!!”
Teddy pushed the hair back from his sweaty brow-- his temperature had climbed during the night again, dammit-- and focused on waking the boy currently trapped in a fever dream.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay now, B. It’s over,” he put a careful stop to Billy’s sleepy struggles, talking him down until the other boy started in his arms, gasping and blinking in disorientation, awake but not fully out of the nightmare’s grasp.
“T-Teddy, Teddy--”
“Right here, B, shh--”
“I-Iwanthimtos-sto--” Billy choked, shaking hands roaming his torso, remembering the mangled mess it had been in the Cube after the doctor’s repeated incisions.
“Billy,” he gripped those wandering hands firmly, voice gentle as he lifted his shirt and placed their hands over his abdomen where Billy could feel the soft healed skin there, “It’s over, we’re safe. They’re gone, see? Not even a scar . . .”
At least, none that could be seen . . .
Billy’s trembling fingers slid over his skin, searching for the cuts that had been burned into his mind’s eye, tracing over exactly where each incision had punctured the now flawless skin. It must have helped, because slowly Billy’s hitching breathes settled to the occasional hiccup. Teddy smiled small and relieved, resting his head on the pillow so he could simply look Billy in the eye, a visual assurance that they both needed. Too many dark memories were stirring restless in their heads, the scars their experience left behind still too fresh, or not yet healed in Billy’s case. He watched Billy wince as he shifted closer until their noses were nearly brushing, a bony shoulder shrugged up to rub at an ear, but Teddy’s firm grip stops it from reaching its target.
“You’re gonna make it worse if you keep rubbing at them.”
“S-Sorry . . . hurts.”
Something in Teddy’s chest crumpled painfully. Billy’s voice should never sound so small and wounded. A fierce protectiveness bloomed in his spirit, and underneath that a rage festered. He should have been unable to prevent this pain from being dealt to the boy in his arms. Gentle fingers pushed back the damp hair from Billy’s temple, trying to soothe without getting too near the inflamed ruin of his ears.
It was impossible to look upon the injury and not relive those terrible moments leading up to it, to not recall the sounds. The way Billy had screamed when that bastard inserted his instruments into his ear canals, without any anesthetic as if Billy were some kind of undeserving animal. Teddy had watched Billy thrash against his restraints; a strange dark muzzle covering his whole face made the ordeal all the more terrifying, but did little to quiet his muffled screams and sobs as he endured his torture.
Things got fuzzy after Teddy finally lost his composure, roaring like a beast and fighting his restraints with every ounce of might within him. He tried to hulk out, tried to break free, tried to stop Billy’s torment. Yet with every move he made it felt like gravity increased on him tenfold; again and again and again, until suddenly he could barely breathe from the pressure weighing him down in his shackles. Something was keeping him some shapeshifting and Billy was crying as they drilled those things into his ears and Teddy-
He had never felt so helpless and utterly useless in all his life. He could do nothing but weakly assure Billy he was there and it would be over soon, and to hold on, B, just hold on for me. It’ll be okay. I’m here. B-
A gentle tap to the deep crease between his brows brought him back to the present and he glanced down into Billy’s brown eyes shining with forlorn understanding. Billy had had to watch too . . . And Teddy still hadn’t managed to forgive himself for passing out like a pathetic wimp and leaving Billy alone through a whole new kind of torture while he was scalpeled half-way to hell.
He looked over his boyfriend, the shocky twitch of his eyes, the tenseness in his jaw, the flushed pallor of fever covering his skin as his body tried to fight off the infection in his ears. They managed as best they could with the supplies in the infirmary the Sercret Avengers had set up, but he probably should have taken Billy to a hospital. That risk had been too great what with Iron Man having blacklisted all of their identities; they would have been caught the moment their IDs were checked. Kate pulled a few strings with her father’s connections and at least had gotten them some antibiotics, but Teddy was sure it was something generic and practically impotent if it was taking this long to work.
“Teddy?” A thumb brushed over his brow soft and soothing, trying to bring him back to earth when he was obviously so far away.
Billy was hurting much worse than him, hadn’t yet been able to heal, had just suffered through an awful flashback, yet here he was, trying to comfort Teddy. His eyes prickled with that strange sensation that meant tears were soon to follow, but he inhaled sharply instead, pulling away from Billy to move off the bed pallet.
“It’s not time for your antibiotics yet, but let me see if I can find you some pain-killers,” he cleared his throat self-consciously as his voice came out a little too thick. Halfway out of the bed he froze when Billy’s trembling fingers clenched on the hem of his shirt.
“No, please--” Billy’s mouth clicked shut suddenly, his gaze falling to the sheets. He didn’t want to say don’t leave, didn’t want to sound like a whining baby; didn’t want to sound as weak as he actually felt. So instead he went with, “Sorry, It-- It can wait . . .”
His shoulder twitched towards his ear again and this time made contact before Teddy could stop him. Instead of relieving the itch he felt, it made Billy’s entire head buzz with a sharp-edged pain that had him hissing between his teeth and curling his fingers in his hair. Teddy was beside him in a second, hugging him close as his hands smoothed down his back.
“Dammit, B, told ya to stop that,” the reprimand sounded more like a plea, Teddy didn’t have it in him to put any bite behind it when Billy was in such obvious pain.
“S-Sorry--”
“Billy, stop apologizing--” His voice cracked. He couldn’t stand that insecurity in Billy’s tone; he wanted it gone, he shouldn’t have allowed it to be there in the first place, “It’s not your fault. None of this is your fault.”
“It’s not yours either, Teddy,” clammy hands tenderly cupped his face and forced him to look into Billy’s eyes, to see the pain mirrored in their sincere depths.
Teddy’s breaths were all too shaky, his vision gone blurry, and finally he just closed his eyes to allow the tears to roll down his face.
Billy wiped away every tear, nuzzling his chin with a long shaky sigh, “Shh, T, we’re okay.”
Teddy kissed his brow, leaving his lips against Billy’s clammy over-heated skin as he took a slow deep breath. His arm pulled Billy closer against him, and if he squeezed a little too hard when he twined their fingers together, Billy didn’t complain.
“We’re o-okay,” he offered in quiet shaky agreement.
“We’re okay,” Billy repeated, closing his eyes, “We’re okay, we’re okay . . .”
And if he said it enough times, maybe he could make it true.
~+~
Fin
~+~
~30 Quills Index~