:E
Fact: If you happen to be in a fandom in which the setting involves MAGIC, you WILL write fic that involves MAGIC.
And by that I mean you’ll write about sex magic.
Of course. noctaval made me do it, she did.
also, i got whipped
TITLE: Still
AUTHOR: mintsui
RATING: NC-17; STATUS: 1/1
FANDOM: Dragonlance
TYPE: PWP.
PAIRING: Raistlin/Dalamar.
SUMMARY: ( Read more... )
And by that I mean you’ll write about sex magic.
Of course. noctaval made me do it, she did.
also, i got whipped
TITLE: Still
AUTHOR: mintsui
RATING: NC-17; STATUS: 1/1
FANDOM: Dragonlance
TYPE: PWP.
PAIRING: Raistlin/Dalamar.
SUMMARY: ( Read more... )
Comments 5
Anyway. Very hot, beautifully descriptive, and I do think they are both in character - Raistlin is his typical asshole self and Dalamar seems as co-dependently devoted as he is in the books. And I love the ending, heh. ♥
Some possible edits:
“Shut up,” Raistlin quieted him, reminding the dark elf once again that not even his thoughts were safe from him.
Maybe replace him with "the archmage" (removes any confusion or redundancy with his/him)
The archmage glided over to him, the hems of his robe not disturbing his circle. “Spread your arms.”
Doesn't need to be changed really, but maybe you could say something like "the hems of his robe drifting over the circle without disturbing it." (more descriptive of the action)
He knew his master’s hand to be skilled, too skilled almost, that it made Dalamar’s stomach churn sometimes.I know this needs to be changed, like there should be a "so" somewhere so the "that" makes sense, but I dunno how to ( ... )
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Gahhh. I really have that problem with confusion/redundancy. It might be stemming from the fact that I'm not a native speaker, idek, it comes forward a lot. Pronouns... my mother tongue doesn't do pronouns, and I have this love for them, so I use them often. It's like this longing to use them. :D Though using them too much gets me in trouble, thinking little otherwise, I often run out of substitutes for them. Like, there are only few names that fit, and I don't want to repeat them too often. . . gah gah gah! (gah gah ooh lala?)
I don't like the word 'disturbing' there. At ALL. It fucks the entire sentence up. Come on. "Not disturbing"? Ouch.
Yeah that's fucked too. *scratches head*
OOOOH. PLYING. I LIKE THAT. Oh yes.
Yes.
Yesssssssssss
Never would I ignore such nice tips. Thank you so much~~ ♥
Reply
Maybe...(can I tell you how lame your amazing writing makes me feel when it's NOT EVEN IN YOUR MOTHER TONGUE? /wrists) ...but you know what, I do it too, I just end up changing sentences around a lot (usually I write in a notebook first. There is a lot of crossing out.) And I know what you mean, you don't want to use alternatives to pronouns too much either...I guess there's a balance.
Hmm, I guess it doesn't bother me, I don't associate the meaning of disturbing (as in 'do not disturb') with disturbing (as in "this is disturbing.) Maybe! Ooh! Maybe "disrupting"? Hmm...
Maybe you could put "so" right in front of that. :/?
Man, I love "plying." Hurr hurr hurr.
<3333 Glad in can help in some way! THANKS FOR THE PORN. :DDDDD
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And yay for bloodplay! This fandom is made for it, yet there's so little! So this is all hot and happy-making. *beams at you*
I also love how Raistlin is simultaneously being evil and doing this for Dalamar's sake.
As for concrit: the POV slips a little once in a while. Considering Raistlin's ambiguous behaviour, a more consistent Dalamar-view would help the story, IMO. Also, Every cut the man made was another flame, seems impersonal... How about replacing that with "his master", or just plain "Raistlin"? And, Raistlin’s eyes were half-lidded and dark, thick with magic, maybe "heavy" instead of "thick". Possibly a personal preference, but "heavy sounds more figurative, while "thick" creates an unfortunate impression of bulging eyes.
Also, heh, that was quick! I should get out the whipping gear more often! ":-D Looking forward to the longer version!
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Yeahhhh I think that's in part a result of the fandom being super small :'D Though I did read a pretty nice Dalamar/Kitiara bloodplay snippet the other day.
Raistlin ♥ He's an ass, really. But he's a nice ass, like that. It's all latent with him. Like he's afraid of coming off as actually nice, or something... *muses*
You're right. I think I know the reason for that, though :D The main fic I'm writing is pretty heavy Dalamar POV, and I'm kind of sick of writing him lol. Must fiiiiix. (I should just write something that's not Dalamar POV. But I only want to write R/D and fuck I'm not touching Raistlin POV with a ten-foot pole! I would break it beyond repair.)
Oh god, thick eyes. That so slipped my mind. It's that damn "dark & thick" combo that does it. Meeeeep!
I hear you need your experiences with that whipping gear, hmm?! *snap*
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