Project M.A.P.L.E., Phase 2

[minstrel666]

Welcome to Phase 2 of Project M.A.P.L.E., the in-depth, no-holds-barred, take-no-prisoners, hyphenate-shit-a-lot reading of Stephenie Meyers "Twilight" vampire romance novel. If the preceding sentence has not clued you in, this is an "accentuate the negative" (and I do mean "ax") review of the book, which deserves no less than the grilling I

Comments

[anonymous]

Oh,yeah! More TWHY??light bashing. Edward is just... just insufferable sometimes and we're still supposed to love him because he's soooo pretty and sooo bishonen (also, soo gay).

Also, credit when it's due. Smeyer has done the impossible, she wrote a PG13 bodice ripper where the euphemisms for sex are hilarious. Check it out:

I this scene Edward is talking to a waitress in a café

"Sure." She sounded as surprised as I was. She turned and led us around a partition to a small ring of booths - all of them empty. "How's this?"
"Perfect." He flashed his gleaming smile, dazing her momentarily.
"Um" - she shook her head, blinking - "your server will be right out." She walked away unsteadily.
"You really shouldn't do that to people," I criticized. "It's hardly fair."
"Do what?"
"Dazzle them like that - she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

Hyperventilating... get it? Oh, Smeyer, you naughty naughty girl.