Avoir le mal de quelqu’un → for chocoyeol (1/2)
Title: Avoir le mal de quelqu’un
Recipient: chocoyeol
Pairing: Minseok/Junmyeon
Rating: R
Warnings: (Please highlight) Suicidal thoughts, some religious content
Word count: 15.3K
Summary: Minseok breathes, and it hurts, but Junmyeon makes it easier.
Kyungsoo settles the steamer basket in front of him, uncovering it.
“What do you think?" Kyungsoo asks immediately.
“I haven't even tasted it yet, Soo." Minseok laughs.
“Smell is very important, as with presentation." Kyungsoo says seriously, smiling himself as he passes over the fork.
“What is this?"
“Steamed bread, coconut filling, yuzu jam and chocolate." Kyungsoo rattles off, nudging the basket closer.
“Minseok gets the hint and he starts eating, dutifully rinsing his mouth after each flavour with water slightly flavoured with lemon juice to clear his palate.
“They are all really good, Kyungsoo," Minseok admits, finishing off the last one. "You always do well.”
“Really? I was worried that the coconut one would be too sweet because I've never worked with palm sugar before but-"
“It's delicious," Minseok cuts him off. "It'll be a hit."
“I hope so." Kyungsoo mumbles, teeth worrying his bottom lip and Minseok huffs fondly at the younger.
Kyungsoo looks up and Minseok reaches an arm over to ruffle his hair. "Believe me."
“Do you want more?" Kyungsoo asks, and Minseok purses his lips in thought. "You need to eat more, hyung."
“Do I?" Minseok looks down at himself and Kyungsoo grabs his wrist. His small hand easily encircles Minseok's thinner wrist, and Kyungsoo squeezes firmly. "It's from all the dancing Jongin and Sehun have been getting me into when we clean up."
Kyungsoo's eyes have always been big since they were young-the wideness and wetness of his eyes emphasising his worries every time. But they’ve never faced Minseok with so much worry, not even when he first started this cafe. They've been looking at him like that for a long while now.
"I'll go get you some stew," Kyungsoo says firmly, chair clattering in the empty cafe-closed for the public holiday-as he stands. "I have some left from yesterday, we can share."
Minseok hums in agreement, both of them knowing quite well that sharing meant Minseok getting a full plate of rice covered with the stew while Kyungsoo nibbles on bread dipped in the sauce occasionally.
Minseok didn't eat much apart from Kyungsoo's cooking, mainly because he didn't have much of an appetite anymore, and he spent his days working as Kyungsoo's cashier.
“Do you think angels can eat human food?" Kyungsoo asks halfway through the meal, and Minseok nods. "How do you know?"
“Well, they were humans once too, I don't see why not." Minseok reasons, piercing a cut of pork with his fork.
“But do they need to eat? They are after all immortals." Kyungsoo muses, breaking off another piece of the untouched baguettes they have lying around in the bread baskets after a long day.
"Haven't you heard of manna?" Minseok says, finishing the last spoon of rice under Kyungsoo's sharp eye. "The bread of heaven, or angels, something like that."
“Maybe I should name those steamed bread cubes 'Angel's Bread', like a play on the Angel Food Cake." Kyungsoo digresses, his eyes snapping to Minseok suddenly. "Were they light and fluffy?"
“Angels?" Minseok says confusedly.
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "No, the bread, hyung."
“Yes, I suppose they were." Minseok says.
“'Angel's Bread' it is then." Kyungsoo says, visibly pleased.
“Do you think I can have some to bring home?" Minseok abruptly asks, and Kyungsoo's lips curve into a wide smile.
“Of course." Kyungsoo claps his hands together. "I need some practice making them anyway, are you going to accompany me till night again?"
“Yuzu jam please," Minseok says pleasantly, standing with Kyungsoo to clear the plates. "Of course I will, I always do, otherwise you will never finish prep till midnight."
“What will I do without you~" Kyungsoo sings, smile teasing.
Kyungsoo's singing as they work always eases the throbbing in his head that comes with the cool night air.
☿♂☿♂
"Sleep well, Soo." Minseok presses a kiss to the younger boy's forehead. Kyungsoo's nose wrinkles as his arm squeezes Minseok's waist gently, as if he needs to feel that Minseok is still solid, strong and tangible.
“I'm not that five year old anymore you know." Kyungsoo grumbles.
“I'm still going to be forever five years older than you." Minseok grins, the bag holding the still warm steamed bread swinging in his hand.
“Go home safely, hyung." Kyungsoo calls as he steps into the lifts. Minseok waves and waits for the doors to close before he turns on his heels, bowing just barely to the security guard who waves at the sight of his familiar face.
“Always walking him home, eh?" The uncle chuckles. "Good hyung you are, don't know what he'd do without you to be honest."
Minseok tips his head in thanks, waving as he goes off.
It's a ten minute walk to the junction where he then takes a - turn towards the neighbourhood where his apartment resides. Tonight though, he stops to glance up at the inky sky, the chalky moon peeking out from the clouds, and wonders for a second before immediately continuing down the lone street.
The food will not need to go into the refrigerator tonight.
☿♂☿♂
“It's good."
Minseok smiles at the affirmation and he rolls over onto his back, closing his eyes as the moonlight washes over them and their surroundings in a silver light.
“Isn't it? Its name is 'Angel's Bread', so it reminded me of you," Minseok hums. "Kyungsoo was doubting me, could you believe it? When I've always given him my honest opinions on his food."
“I'm no angel, and you don't tell me." His voice is teasing and Minseok laughs.
His laugh echoes in the small area surrounded by the thick bushes and small trees. The sound ripples over the slow bubbling river, and he can hear him shift.
“It's fun to play with you, holy one." Minseok says.
“The kimchi spaghetti was gross," The smooth voice is closer now, and Minseok feels a knee knock into the side of his thigh. Minseok looks to the side, coming face to face with him. "You could have at least acted less enthusiastic, I really thought it was some miracle fusion food."
"Who asked you to be so gullible?" Minseok thinks the light coloured hair is-if possible- more gorgeous today, the moonlight particularly strong.
Silence is his reply, and Minseok stares worriedly at his companion. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, not really."
Minseok fingers the small crystal under his shirt, the thin platinum chain holding it clinking lightly against its surface.
“Have you not taken this trimester's dose?" His breath is cool against Minseok's lips.
“I kind of wanted to see you instead." Minseok admits, pink dusting his cheeks.
“Your cheeks have lost their slight plumpness." His fingers are warmer than his palm as they press lightly against the sides of his face. "I want you to stay healthy you know."
“You've already kept me alive for so long." Minseok mumbles, distracted by how the pretty curve of the other's lips bends to form words.
“I gave you the crystal for a reason."
“I forgot how to open it," Minseok pouts, annoyed at the other's insistence. "I don't want to spoil your handiwork."
“I can always get another."
“It tastes sour."
“It's the only form that can last that long."
“I would rather see you more often."
It's that protest that has him pressing soft lips to Minseok's, tongue tracing the seam of Minseok's lips. Minseok opens up, tasting yuzu on the other's tongue and unknown sweetness that has become a rare treat. Minseok curls insistent fingers into his soft cotton shirt, always a pale shade-tonight it matches his eyes, the palest purple that it's almost greyish blue- not letting him go.
“Doctor, I haven't had my dose for almost three months now." Minseok whispers into the other's mouth. It would almost be suggestive if not for the fact that it was the honest truth. A chuckle comes before the other kisses him harder, a contrast to how his tongue licks softly into Minseok's mouth.
It soothes his body, the way his hands run through Minseok's hair, over his shoulders right to his fingers to enlace their fingers together like smooth silk. The kisses help in another way; when Minseok's hold is broken so that he can pull back, the reflection in his eyes show Minseok's cheeks are pink not just from kissing but flush with health, and his eyes are brighter, heart beats stronger again. Minseok’s chest heaves with exertion and they wait till his breath quietens.
“Such a rebel." The male huffs at him. Minseok pulls him up to go over to the river, where it is the gentlest, to feel the slightly icy water tickle their hands and feet. "But doses from me are stronger, last longer."
“What's the point of this crystal then." Minseok complains, sly.
"I can't always come down to see you," is the gentle explanation even as his eyes glint with understanding under the moonlight. "You're such a beggar for attention."
“Only for yours." Minseok says softly, and to his delight the younger male blushes. "You can blush!"
“We can eat human food as well," The male retorts as he pokes Minseok's side with an indignant finger.
Minseok catches his hand, tugging him closer and he complies. Minseok shuffles closer as well, legs tangling and laying over the other's to fit closer. His companion plays with the flowers that dot the vines crawling along the river’s edge, the huge white petals dwarfing his hands.They sit like that in silence, just waiting for Minseok's move.
Minseok tugs on the hand he is holding to get his attention. He runs fingertips over the elegant features, and his angel's eyelids flutter shut as he takes a shaky breath.
“You're so gorgeous, you know?" Minseok whispers, and he watches him swallow slowly.
“You always tell me that," The lilt in his voice remains even at its softest level. "I don't deserve it."
"You do."
"You need to go, it's almost two am," Minseok's fingers skate down to where a steady pulse should beat.
"Okay." Minseok arranges the strands of hair blown astray by the wind before standing. "Will I see you soon?"
"Whenever you see the moon, as usual," His eyes open and Minseok's breath is stolen by the breeze that blows again, the clarity of his gaze always holding that power over Minseok. "Please take the vial's content soon though, don't let it expire. I won't be so lenient this time."
Minseok's shower is quick, but refreshing, and the spray’s pressure gentle. He towels his hair furiously before hanging the terrycloth up. He flicks the lights off, curling up in bed on top of the duvet.
The moonlight is streaming in through the blinds, yet instead of it being glaringly bright, the shower of white light soothes him to sleep.
☿♂☿♂
“Hey miracle case.”
Minseok scoffs as he enters the doctor’s room.
Jongdae grins in greeting as he thwacks the back of Luhan’s head with Minseok’s report file. Luhan makes an indignant noise.
“Can I not call my best friend a miracle case?”
“We are supposed to remain professional, hyung.” Jongdae reminds him, smoothing out the back of the file before dropping it in front of Luhan. “No mentions of best friends.”
“Says you who pulled strings to get yourself under me,” Luhan snorts, glancing at Minseok who raises a knowing eyebrow. “At work and at home.”
“Hyung!” Jongdae whines, and Luhan’s hand reaches out to tug Jongdae closer by the belt loops. “What?”
“If you’d be so sweet to get our sphygmomanometer, and print out the CT scans from last month?” Luhan teases, and Minseok props his chin on his hands.
“Yeah,” Jongdae mumbles, pouting at Minseok’s quiet chuckle. “Minseok hyung you suck too.”
“Not as well as you!” Luhan calls after Jongdae as Jongdae leaves the room.
“Gross,” Minseok fakes a gag and Luhan shrugs.
“He wanted to work with me. How’s my best friend anyway?”
“Good.” Minseok’s reply comes immediately.
“You look like you’ve lost weight,” Luhan shoots back, standing and pulling off his stethoscope. “Same routine now.”
Minseok obediently gets up, crouching to pull out the weighing scale himself and shucks off his shoes. He stands rod straight, letting Luhan peer over his shoulder before he feels a hand skim up his back. The cold circle presses just by his shoulder blade, and he breathes as evenly as possible.
“You know you can’t trick the stethoscope,” Luhan comments quietly, left hand coming to press down on Minseok’s stomach till he relaxes, giving up. “There we go.”
“Jongdae’s right, you suck.” Minseok sighs and when he turns to hop up on the examination bed, Luhan’s eyes twinkle.
Minseok threatens to punch him and Luhan puts his hands up in defeat.
“Idiot.” A smile finds its way to Minseok’s lips anyway, and Luhan presses the stethoscope to his front next.
It’s silent for a while, as Luhan slides the chest piece across to listen carefully. He drops the piece eventually, dropping the stethoscope on the bed beside Minseok. Minseok watches, legs swinging a little above the cold tile floor as his friend slides back into his chair, body still facing him as if it took too much time to fit the chair back under the table properly.
Luhan’s hand immediately picks up the bright aqua blue pen on his table, scribbling quickly on Minseok’s new report sheet. Minseok feels a buzz of happiness to see the pen he had given Luhan still being used, recognising it by the Chinese characters of Luhan’s name engraved in the curve of the plastic.
Luhan’s hand moves swiftly, and Minseok purses his lips at the unnaturally tight grip he has on the pen.
“No pressure,” Minseok says quietly. Luhan glances up. “Like you said, I’m a miracle case.”
“I still have to be careful,” Luhan says, eyes flickering back to the half-filled sheet and the tip of the pen remains pressed to its surface. “I need to rule out every possibility, make sure there’s no signs I’m missing or some kind of misread and that the nurses conduct the scans with proper proce-“
“Luhan.”
“I can’t, Minseok, I can’t relax when I’m taking care of you,” Luhan whispers, left hand running through his hair. “I already made one mistake, I can’t-“
“I can go to another doctor,” Minseok says, sliding off the bed to stand by Luhan.
“No.” Luhan’s reply is sharp, as it always is when it comes to these discussions. “I don’t trust anyone else.”
“Then trust yourself,” Minseok catches Luhan’s hand that had remained twisted in his hair. “I trust you.”
“Then stop trying to trick me,” Luhan snaps. Minseok flinches from the flash of anger.
Luhan’s upset over Minseok always runs in stages, from insecurity to excessive worrying to anger, because while he blames himself for not seeing the signs properly, it’s always been a sore spot-Minseok hiding symptoms from him, before and after discovery.
“I’m sorry,” Minseok says softly. Luhan simply drops Minseok’s hand.
Luhan continues to write out his notes, leaving Minseok to shift back to the chair opposite Luhan. Minseok frowns at the Chinese characters, all undecipherable to him.
“What if someone needed to look at your notes?” Minseok asks tentative and almost sighing in relief when Luhan laughs, drawing a full stop to his sentence.
“Writing in Chinese helps patient confidentiality, and I was educated with Chinese terms. I keep a Korean copy in the files.” Luhan says, and the tense atmosphere dissipates at Luhan’s amused reply.
“I’m back, I’m sorry I took so long, the printer jammed.” Jongdae bustles in, one hand cradling the apparatus Luhan required and the other holding the prints.
“That thing is too old to be in use,” Luhan says dismissively, sliding the prints out of the envelope.
Jongdae starts chattering to Minseok about the recent vocal lessons he has been taking, but Minseok is distracted by how Luhan has frozen over the prints.
“Lu?” Minseok calls, and Luhan startles, looking up.
“Jongdae, if you could escort Minseok out, and call Yixing in?” Luhan’s voice is steady, but his words hint at something.
Minseok frowns, about to protest but Jongdae lays a firm hand on Minseok’s elbow, leading him out.
“Jongdae-“
“Minseok hyung,” Jongdae sighs, nodding at another doctor that passes by. “Dr Lu has been really very meticulous with your case.”
Minseok stays silent at that, following Jongdae to the waiting room.
“He is just being extra careful now. He calls Dr Zhang in to consult him a lot, so don’t worry.” Jongdae gets a cup of water from the water fountain, fitting the styrofoam into Minseok’s palm. “I’ll be right back.”
When Jongdae comes back with Dr Zhang, Minseok stands to greet him.
“Yixing.” The doctor introduces himself, bowing deeply and a dimple shows on his face as he straightens back up. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Mr Kim.”
“Minseok.” He insists, waving as Jongdae directs Yixing into Luhan’s office.
“I need you to come back in a week,” Luhan tells him the moment he re-enters the office.
Yixing is still there, humming as he spins in the chair that Minseok was previously seated in, examining the prints in his hands.
“What?” Minseok says, surprised and Luhan nods, eyes pinned to his computer as he inputs the appointment himself.
“I think you can come in with me after our soccer match.” Luhan says.
“Soccer?” Yixing asks, his voice rising in pitch for a split second.
“He plays with me.” Luhan explains.
“Luhan, you know that is unadvisable.” Yixing shakes his head, pressing the prints back down on the table. “He already suffered one collapsed lung, he can’t be exerting himself like that.”
“He needs the blood to be flowing, Yixing,” Luhan taps enter, turning back to face both of them. “There’s barely enough oxygen as it is. His heart is healthy.”
“I only feel out of breath after, but that’s normal, isn’t it?” Minseok says, and Yixing sighs.
“I’m more worried about the cell division.”
“Which is why I’m asking him to come in next week.”
“But I don’t always come in after our matches.” Minseok says.
“Minseok,” Luhan meets Minseok’s eyes. “Have you been taking the meds?”
“Why?”
Jongdae turns away swiftly, organising the syringes in the trolley behind Luhan. Yixing clears his throat. Luhan’s gaze doesn’t waver and Minseok realises that Luhan knows.
“Luhan, I…” Minseok swallows, watching Luhan’s eyes water as his lips part to speak.
“Then why are there suddenly three more cysts?”
Luhan’s voice cracks, along with Minseok’s guilty heart.
☿♂☿♂
“I’m hurting them.”
A sigh floats up to meet Minseok’s words, and Minseok fiddles with his beanie.
“I wonder if me preserving my life is hurting them more than me leaving them.” Minseok continues, placing the beanie gently on the other’s head, adjusting it carefully.
“I can only give you what you want.” His reply is something Minseok expected.
“And it’s human nature to want to live.” Minseok agrees, glancing down at him, who has his head rested in Minseok’s lap.
“I would suppose so.” His voice is hesitant, and he catches Minseok’s hand, kissing the centre of it. “I don’t want you to die either.”
“Would I become an angel as well?” Minseok teases, and it catches him off guard.
“That…” He hesitates and the pensive pout makes Minseok laugh, tapping those pink lips with the tip of his finger.
“It’s not your decision is it.”
“Not really. Well, I don’t think so. We do report your behaviour and character after your death, but I’m not sure if that contributes anything.”
Minseok wonders, exhaling. “Sometimes I feel like you are lying to me about being an angel, to be honest.”
“I don’t lie.” He responds, and Minseok leans in.
“Which liar would admit he lies?”
“A liar that cares for someone.”
Minseok’s neck hurts when he’s pulled in for a kiss, having to crane down awkwardly, but it’s worth it when a hum of content slips past the other’s lips.
“Would you sing for me?” Minseok asks.
“I’m not very good.”
“That’s for me to decide.” Minseok says, smiling when the male relents at his words.
Minseok closes his eyes, chin propped on his palm as he starts carefully. His voice is soft, but incredibly clear and Minseok finds his smile growing wider.
“Maybe one day I will meet your friends.” He says when he’s finished with his song.
“They’re my family.” Minseok says, after some thought.
“Well,” The other sits up, stretching. Minseok averts his eyes when the hem of the white shirt rides up. “Maybe one day I will meet your family.”
☿♂☿♂
Minseok enters the kitchen to see Sehun grinding pills and his entrance has Jongin jumping on him, hand planted over his eyes.
“Jongin?” Minseok sticks his hands out, feeling the face in front of him to make sure it is him.
“Yeah hyung.” Jongin laughs, but Minseok can hear the trepidation woven into his tone.
“Are you guys doing drugs?” Minseok fakes shock and immediately light floods his vision when Jongin raises his hands to show innocence.
“Idiot!” Sehun hisses as he stuffs the pill packet in his pocket and Jongin realises Minseok’s trick.
Minseok bats Jongin’s hands away as he makes his way over-he may be sick, but he is still stronger than both of them.
“Hyung… hyung- hyung, no.” Sehun weaves out of his way, still holding the grinder bottle with the fine powder in it.
“Sehun.” Minseok glares, finally catching the boy by the sleeve. His hand snakes into Sehun’s pocket to pull the packet out. “Isn’t this mine?”
“No.” Jongin squeaks. Sehun’s elbow stabs him in the ribs and he doubles over.
“It’s not.” Sehun appeases, reaching out and Minseok jerks it out of his reach.
“It is, it’s the same pills I’m supposed to take.”
“Supposed to.” Sehun shoots back, giving up.
“It’s none of your business, Sehun.” Minseok says exasperatedly. “What do you intend to do with it anyway? Put it in my food?”
Sehun’s face remains blank but Jongin colours. Sehun glances at his best friend and he groans.
“Jongin, jeez,” Sehun sighs. “To your credit it’s your idea so please man up.”
Minseok grins at that; Jongin is a horrible liar for all his bright ideas.
“They were just worried about you. Plus I called Luhan hyung, he said it’s a good idea.” Kyungsoo appears from the backdoor from throwing the trash, hands held out in front of him as he makes his way to the sink.
He scrubs his hands, head turned to the side slightly as he speaks. “Hyung, you didn’t tell me you had to take medicine.” Kyungsoo’s eyes are blank when he turns to face them. But the way the corners of his lips tilt down just barely, Minseok knows he’s upset.
“It’s not medicine, those are hormones.” Minseok says. “I don’t see how they will help me.”
“Just because it stopped doesn’t mean you’re safe, hyung,” Kyungsoo argues, gingerly taking the grinder bottle from Sehun, placing it safely below the spice rack. “Luhan hyung may call you a miracle case but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be fine.”
Kyungsoo’s voice wavers. Minseok steps forward towards Kyungsoo but Sehun beats him to it. He wraps Kyungsoo in his arms, allowing Kyungsoo to cling to his shirt, face pressed against his collarbones.
“I want you to be fine,” Kyungsoo continues, voice muffled against Sehun’s skin. “I want you to cooperate and be fine and healthy and keep your promise, the one you made when you fell out of that stupid tree when you were in middle school, that you’ll outlive me even when we’re in our nineties.”
Minseok thinks for all the things he remembers to do for Kyungsoo, he has forgotten Kyungsoo is only a year older than Sehun and Jongin, who are only just out of high school, and he has most definitely forgotten that silly children’s promise.
Kyungsoo’s back melts against his chest when he wraps arms over Kyungsoo’s shoulders, whispering apologies into Kyungsoo’s ear.
Kyungsoo gives in at Minseok’s touch, but still refuses to turn to face Minseok. Sehun just accepts Minseok as well, long arms easily accommodating their oldest hyung. Minseok feels Jongin bury his face into his hair as he curls arms around Minseok’s waist, listening to Kyungsoo’s soft hiccups.
“I’m so sorry.” Minseok drops the words between the four of them, just loud enough to hear, soft and sincere and he feels his own eyes burn. He presses his eyes to Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and wishes love could heal physical pains too.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok nearly blacks out.
“Fuck, fuck, Minseok,” Minseok can dimly hear Luhan’s voice, and he takes a shuddering breath before his vision clears. He stares at the green grass, the tips of the grass blades still blurred. He can feel the roughness of the wild grass against his palms and knees, and he is helped to a sitting position, and Luhan’s face floats in front of him.
Pressure is applied to the base of his chin, and his head is pushed upwards. Air flows straight down his lungs and he can feel Luhan press his ear to his chest.
“Kim Minseok? Sehun, help me-“
I am breathing, Minseok thinks, feeling the air go down his windpipe. He suddenly gets what Luhan means though, when the air doesn’t move. The air just sits there, in his lungs, unmoving and suddenly the grass is tickling his back and his neck now.
“Hyung!”
Kyungsoo.
“Minseok.”
It’s him, Minseok realises. He doesn’t appear during the day, that’s not right. “Minseok, breathe, I don’t want you to die, remember?”
Air flies out of Minseok’s lungs and that air gets replaced by more air and the cycle continues.
Minseok inhales, then exhales.
“Jesus christ, Minseok.”
“Luhan?” Minseok croaks, and a shuddering sob answers him.
“Yes, yes it’s me you stupid idiot.” Minseok blinks up at the tear-stained face, and he reaches a hand up, feeling the strength slowly return to his numb limbs as he wipes the dampness off Luhan’s face.
“Hyung?” Minseok glances to the side, and Sehun is staring back at him, eyes wide with shock and Kyungsoo’s beside him, face buried in his knees.
He takes the same arm, not quite trusting his non-dominant arm just yet, and curls a hand around Kyungsoo’s ankle.
“Soo?”
Kyungsoo crashes into him, knocking the breath out of him, but his lungs don’t betray him this time, and sweet oxygen just returns to him.
“Kyungsoo, be careful. Don’t hold him too tight.” Luhan says weakly, and Kyungsoo’s head shakes furiously.
Minseok feels his throat tighten as tears that are not Luhan’s nor his slide down his neck.
“I keep making you cry, don’t I?” Minseok manages, and Kyungsoo shakes his head again.
“I shouldn’t have listened to you,” Luhan says, and Minseok looks at him over Kyungsoo’s head. “I shouldn’t have allowed the extra twenty minutes.”
“No, I was just being dumb.” Minseok says, and he reaches a hand out to Sehun who clings on to the hand like a lifeline. Minseok’s eyes don’t leave Luhan’s, and nothing needs to be said.
Minseok glances up at the sky, the sun not as bright in the late evening and then he sees it.
“The moon is out early today.” He mentions, and Luhan looks up before smiling shakily at Minseok.
“Idiot, you notice that instead of my new hair colour.”
Minseok laughs, and his lungs continue to work.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok holds in a laugh as he curls up on his side, Sehun’s hushed murmurings fill the silence of the room. Kyungsoo listens seriously to the words whispered in his ear, nodding even as Sehun tugs him onto his lap, arms and jacket coming around to wrap around a cold Kyungsoo.
Minseok glances down to the blankets folded neatly by the foot of his hospital bed, provided by the nurses for the two of them. He shakes his head, toes curling at how Sehun comfortably hooks his chin over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to kiss him just below his cheekbone.
Sehun continues to nuzzle the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, humming softly before saying something audible to only Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s blush is evident as he giggles, head bowing.
“Did you guys forget I’m here, or?” Minseok complains, amused at how Kyungsoo’s head jerks up, eyes wide.
“Weren’t you sleeping?” Sehun chuckles quietly as Kyungsoo tries to squirm out of his hold.
“I woke like a few minutes ago, what time is it?” Minseok asks and Sehun lifts an arm to check his watch.
“Eight. You’ve been out for an hour or so.”
“Ah.” Minseok winces for Sehun when the boy yelps, Kyungsoo shooting out of his embrace to drop onto the foot of the bed. His hands are cold even through the blankets and Minseok shoots Kyungsoo a look.
“What?” Kyungsoo asks, blinking even as Sehun massages his own stomach.
“You could try not to injure your boyfriend with that elbow, just saying, especially since he seems to pamper you,” Minseok says, sitting up and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
“He can take it.”
“I got a kiss just now, it’s okay, hyung.” Sehun grins as he makes his way over, seating himself into the chair by Minseok’s bed. “We didn’t get to ask you about the tests, how were they?”
“He was sedated, Sehun,” Kyungsoo says placidly and Sehun shuts his eyes in embarrassment, visibly wincing.
Minseok snorts, folding his legs and he sighs. “Where’s Luhan, why I am still here?”
“Jongdae hyung said he’s running more test analysis on the tests’ results,” Kyungsoo says, and Minseok nods. “Dr Zhang said you should stay for a night though, just in case this afternoon was…detrimental.”
“Jongin’s coming after class,” Sehun supplies.
“You guys can’t intend to stay over.”
“It’s Sunday tomorrow,” Sehun shrugs. “We have time.”
Minseok’s mouth opens, but then he sees Kyungsoo’s glare and he shuts it, accepting that he doesn’t have a valid argument.
Kyungsoo wriggles his way next to Minseok, the bed thankfully wide enough for both of them and Sehun scowls momentarily before huffing fondly.
“Sorry,” Minseok laughs as Kyungsoo presses the side of his head against Minseok’s cheek, cuddling closer.
“I’ll sleep on the couch with Jongin,” Sehun waves his hand in its general direction as he treks backwards towards it. He sticks his tongue out at Kyungsoo who just growls back playfully, tossing the blanket into Sehun’s face.
“No violence in the hospital,” Minseok says, reaching over to switch the lights off.
“Well, you guys look comfy enough,” Luhan’s bright voice is brighter than the lights he switches on. Minseok, the lightest sleeper, wakes instantly, shushing him. Kyungsoo mumbles something before curving deep into Minseok’s side. Jongin shifts, and Sehun further curls into a ball when Jongin’s foot pushes at his thigh sleepily.
“It’s like-“
“Five am, yes,” Luhan always read Minseok’s thoughts well. “Doctors are vampires, and I couldn’t wait so!”
Luhan skips over to sit in the chair Sehun previous occupied and Minseok’s eyes alight on the file in his hands.
“So?” Minseok raises an eyebrow.
“The live malignant cells don’t show sign of multiplying, no centrioles, nucleolus is not even present, never mind chromosomal material,” Luhan says, flipping through the papers perfunctorily to show Minseok but he doesn’t even look at them, obviously having read through the contents multiple times. “Your body did it again, I mean, and the cells should be dying soon.”
“I told you.”
“Idiot.” Luhan snaps the file shut, sliding it onto the bed side table.
“Please tell me you slept while waiting for the results to be out,” Minseok frowns at the sleep deprivation dulling Luhan’s usually bright eyes.
“I was the one that processed the results out,” Luhan says, scratching his head..
“I can’t have my best doctor falling asleep on me, you know.”
“I’m your only doctor,” Luhan waves a hand as he allows himself a yawn.
“Sleep,” Minseok orders and Luhan gets up, locking the door. He tosses his coat over the bed frame, settling back down in the chair. He rests his head on the minimal space left on the bed by Minseok’s waist.
“Don’t you have a room for yourself or something?”
“I prefer here,” Luhan mumbles, sleep already taking hold of him. “Around all of you.”
Minseok stays quiet at that, looking over at all of them as he reaches over to switch off the room’s lights by the panel next to his bed.
He doesn’t blame Luhan.
☿♂☿♂
“Here.” The crystal vial is cool against Minseok’s palm when he lays it there.
Minseok rolls the crystal in his palm, watching the aqua blue shell glisten as the liquid inside rolls in it.
“You were there that day, weren’t you?” Minseok asks, and he gets a small hum in reply.
“No, not really.”
“Liar.” Minseok says.
“It’s all your own will, Minseok,” he says, patient. “Like I said, I can only grant you your own will.”
“You said you don’t want me to die,” Minseok fights, and he receives a sad smile.
“Only because you don’t want to die either.”
“What if I want to die?”
“You don’t.”
“I do,” Minseok hooks the crystal on his chain, and he shakes his head at the heavy sigh from the other. “I want to stop torturing everyone.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Minseok’s smile falters at the shake in his voice, usually so stable and warm.
“But-“
“You always tease me to be the liar, but you know what, Minseok? You’re the liar. You’re the one that lives saying you’ll try, says sorry to everyone who loves you and what do you do? Try to die. Sehun was even praying for you then and there, you cruel person.”
“I-“
“Do you honestly think I’m just taking care of you, Minseok? I’m not God, but I am in charge of this area, I take care of everyone. Sehun prays for you every night, and Kyungsoo, he’s not like Sehun but he makes a wish, the same wish, every night too. I make an effort, because six other people here want you alive and healthy.”
Minseok stares at the male, whose face was stricken with pain and fury.
“I’m sorry.” Minseok finds the words easily, tucked under his tongue only because he has being saying it so much the past months.
“No, no, you’re not.” Is the reply before he brushes past Minseok in a blur of ivory cotton.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok hurries to the clearing, the moon shining brightly and he stops at their spot.
He looks around, but he’s alone. Minseok sighs. He drops to his knees slowly, adjusting his position to sit cross legged by the river. His ankle knocks into something, and he parts the long grass, fingers patting lightly.
They find another crystal vial, this time a familiar pale purple. He runs his thumb over the smooth surface of the crystal, disappointed.
The walk back home is seems longer than usual.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok startles awake, eyes flickering aimlessly over the pitch black room.
“It’s me.”
“Oh.” The sound comes out almost too relieved, Minseok immediately feeling embarrassed. “Wait, why are you-“
“I can go to other places other than that place you know.”
“I thought…”
“Yeah, no.”
They sit in silence like that, and the blinds are drawn abruptly, allowing the dim moonlight to chase the darkness away. Minseok blinks at the angel’s figure, seeing the tense form of his shoulders.
“I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you.” He turns to face Minseok, voice full of apology.
“No, I deserved it, you were right,” Minseok mumbles, hand reaching out.
A warm hand slips into his own, and the male sits by him, legs curled by his side. Minseok pulls his other hand over as well, starting to play with the slim fingers. He counts them and he suddenly remembers.
“Six.”
“I’m sorry?”
“You said six people,” Minseok lifts his own hand. “Sehun, Jongin, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, Luhan.”
“Oh.”
“That’s five,” Minseok murmurs, realisation dawning on him. “You are a liar after all.”
“No, I a-“
“You do want me alive.” Minseok says instantly, the idea of it filling his heart inexplicably full, the warmth bubbling up comfortably. He tightens his hold over him, forcing him to meet him in the eye.
“You don’t know me.”
“I do,” Minseok says.
“I-“
“You are Kim Junmyeon, the one who has kept me alive for so long when the cysts should have completely destroyed my lungs by now, the one whose kisses makes me feel so alive that it’s hard to breathe.”
“That’s my old name,” Junmyeon says, gaze sliding to the duvets instead. “I gave you my name.”
“I like it.”
“Okay.”
Minseok tips Junmyeon’s chin up.
Junmyeon’s small slow inhale is enthralling, sending a shiver down his spine. The hands that fly up to press against Minseok’s chest at first seem to push him away, but he feels fingers dig into the fabric and he grins.
“Minseok,” Junmyeon says. “Take Luhan’s medicine okay?”
“And yours?”
Junmyeon shakes his head, hands framing Minseok’s face.
“One day,” Junmyeon says.
“Why not?”
“One day.” Junmyeon lays a light kiss on Minseok’s lips, and he pulls away, pausing by the open door. “Sleep, Minseok.”
“Can you stay, tonight? Until I fall asleep?” Minseok looks down at his duvet at his childish words, palm spreading over the cool silk. The door clicks shut and Minseok sighs, fingers drawing characters out against the fabric.
“Aren’t you going to lie down?”
Minseok’s head jerks upwards, and Junmyeon’s still there, smiling. Minseok quickly slides under the duvet, eyes staying on Junmyeon.
Junmyeon slides onto the bed once he’s lying down, reaching over Minseok to pick up a book from the pile that Minseok leaves on his bedside table.
“Sleep,” Junmyeon says firmly, leaning against the headboard by Minseok’s head as he flips the book open.
Minseok slides closer, until he can feel Junmyeon’s form press against him through the sheets and he obediently shuts his eyes. A hand rests itself in his hair and he presses closer, petulantly nudging Junmyeon at the sound of a melodic soft chuckle.
Sleep slips in sweetly that night.
☿♂☿♂
The first time they kiss was half a year ago exactly.
“Junmyeon?” Minseok asks, and Junmyeon startles out of his daze.
“Yes?”
“What are you thinking about?” Minseok wraps his scarf tighter around his neck and mouth, glancing at the ashy sky.
“That it’s really cold,” Junmyeon says, reaching out to pull Minseok’s beanie down lower as well.
“As if.” The words are mangled through the thick wool and Minseok watches him squint as he leans closer to listen better.
Minseok shuffles closer, and Junmyeon folds his legs up to let Minseok come closer. Minseok tugs down his scarf, ruining his previous efforts.
“I said, as if-“ The cold air goes down badly, and Minseok’s chest constricts. He coughs, and gasps as a shiver runs down his body.
Junmyeon immediately tugs the scarf up, brow hitching together under the blond fringe.
“Sh,” he says, adjusting the scarf. “I can hear you from here anyway.”
Minseok nods, swallowing despite the uncomfortable scratch of the saliva down his throat.
“Maybe I shouldn’t meet you as often in the winter,” Junmyeon says, exhaling worriedly. “You’re so cold.”
“No I’m not,” Minseok says.
Junmyeon’s lips thin as he presses surprisingly warm palms to his cheeks. “You’re ice cold.”
“But I don’t feel cold.”
Junmyeon sits there staring at him, deciphering the words as he brushes Minseok’s fringe out of his eyes. Minseok waits expectantly for his answer, blinking the rest of the hair out of his view.
Junmyeon’s eyes are unfocused again, and Minseok sighs. He lifts two fingers, tugging the scarf’s edge down again.
“I said, I don’t feel cold,” Minseok repeats, eyeing him.
“You have to stop that,” Junmyeon mumbles, eyes flickering up to meet Minseok’s eyes.
“What?”
“That wide eyed, pink cheeked look,” Junmyeon says, tone hesitant even as he articulates clearly.
“I- what?” Minseok tugs his scarf up, feeling his cheeks heat.
“It’s distracting,” Junmyeon frowns, but his eyes are soft. “So distracting.”
“Your eyes are distracting too,” Minseok shoots back. “So is your laugh, you sound stupid.”
“Offensive,” Junmyeon says, leaning closer. “My violet eyes are rare for my kind, and they are actually dark blue, mind you.”
Minseok scoffs even as his heart flutters, feeling Junmyeon’s hand snake into his, where they lay in his lap.
“Minseok,” Junmyeon says, tugging him even closer. “Is it just me?”
“Probably,” Minseok says, and Junmyeon laughs again.
“That tone, honestly,” Junmyeon shakes his head, and his other hand comes up to tug the scarf down.
“My scarf is going to have a hole by the end of tonight,” Minseok says, breath white as it billows out between them. His eyes drift to the other' lips. “This is not some kind of scarf tug of war.”
Junmyeon leans in, and Minseok’s breathing halts, eyes slipping shut. Nothing comes, and Minseok opens his eyes to see Junmyeon just hovering.
“Are you going to kiss me, or not?” Minseok breathes, and the movement of his lips has theirs brushing just barely. Junmyeon’s breath hitches, and he blinks right back at Minseok’s stare.
“Testing if this feels right.”
“Have you never kissed someone before?” Minseok shifts, body rising and Junmyeon’s head tilts up to follow his movement. Minseok fits himself right into Junmyeon’s space and he likes how Junmyeon doesn’t even flinch.
“No, not really,” Junmyeon says. “But this feels quite…”
“I’ve liked you for three months now, I swear to god, Junmyeon, if you-“
Minseok sighs into the kiss, body buzzing as Junmyeon’s hands come up to cup just under his jaw.
“I thought you didn’t believe in god,” Junmyeon says, pleased as he pulls back. He licks his lips, and Minseok zeroes in on it.
“Well, if you exist…” Minseok murmurs, slotting their lips together again and he coaxes Junmyeon open. The small ‘oh’ that comes from the other has Minseok pressing closer.
“Three months only though?” Junmyeon asks after, when he deems Minseok has had enough and is warm enough in his hold.
“Why?”
“I’ve liked you for half a year now,” Junmyeon says. “At least I think that’s how I feel.”
“I apologise for my attractiveness,” Minseok says, earning an amused huff from the other.
Junmyeon’s arms tighten around him and Minseok feels the press of the other’s lips on his left temple.
That winter was Minseok’s warmest winter.
☿♂☿♂
It hits him abruptly, as he watches Junmyeon nap, curled up in a soft patch of grass. He watches his breath curl in white wisps as he sighs.
Minseok crawls over to pick up a rock from the riverbank, sitting on the soil.
His fingers map out the sharp edges of it, feels the seductive press against his thin skin.
He runs the rock over his wrist, something he has done a few times before already. A shiver runs up his arm and he tosses the rock from hand to hand.
Minseok didn't want to live if his lungs didn't. But that's not the epiphany he had.
A nose presses itself into the crook of his neck and arms form a brace around his waist.
"Hi," Junmyeon says sleepily, inhaling. Minseok can feel whatever tension left in Junmyeon bleed away and he presses his cheek against Junmyeon's left temple.
"Didn't know higher beings needed to sleep," Minseok says, shifting as Junmyeon adjusts, legs stretching out to bracket Minseok.
"I'm practically human," Junmyeon says against his skin, words muffled.
"With wings and life giving powers, yes." Minseok says drily.
"What's with the rock?" Junmyeon asks. Minseok ignores the blatant change of subject.
"It was nice to look at," Minseok says, remembering the stone still resting in his left hand. He tightens his hold around it, before letting it drop to the ground.
"Careful, it's sharp," Junmyeon says, but his tone is careless. "Look, you've got some dirt on your wrist from it too."
Junmyeon's thumb rubs at the faint line of dirt sliced across Minseok's right wrist, moving in the same sweeping motion the rock had taken. Minseok nods, realising Junmyeon knew. Junmyeon continues circling his thumb in slow motions, and Minseok can feel the tension in the light pressure it creates.
Minseok parts his lips, wetting them in the dry air before he speaks, wondering if he will hear the words as Minseok had means them.
"It won't cut me if you're around."
"Sharp things cut no matter what," Junmyeon replies with a sort of bland impassivity, and Minseok nods.
☿♂☿♂
next →
Recipient: chocoyeol
Pairing: Minseok/Junmyeon
Rating: R
Warnings: (Please highlight) Suicidal thoughts, some religious content
Word count: 15.3K
Summary: Minseok breathes, and it hurts, but Junmyeon makes it easier.
Kyungsoo settles the steamer basket in front of him, uncovering it.
“What do you think?" Kyungsoo asks immediately.
“I haven't even tasted it yet, Soo." Minseok laughs.
“Smell is very important, as with presentation." Kyungsoo says seriously, smiling himself as he passes over the fork.
“What is this?"
“Steamed bread, coconut filling, yuzu jam and chocolate." Kyungsoo rattles off, nudging the basket closer.
“Minseok gets the hint and he starts eating, dutifully rinsing his mouth after each flavour with water slightly flavoured with lemon juice to clear his palate.
“They are all really good, Kyungsoo," Minseok admits, finishing off the last one. "You always do well.”
“Really? I was worried that the coconut one would be too sweet because I've never worked with palm sugar before but-"
“It's delicious," Minseok cuts him off. "It'll be a hit."
“I hope so." Kyungsoo mumbles, teeth worrying his bottom lip and Minseok huffs fondly at the younger.
Kyungsoo looks up and Minseok reaches an arm over to ruffle his hair. "Believe me."
“Do you want more?" Kyungsoo asks, and Minseok purses his lips in thought. "You need to eat more, hyung."
“Do I?" Minseok looks down at himself and Kyungsoo grabs his wrist. His small hand easily encircles Minseok's thinner wrist, and Kyungsoo squeezes firmly. "It's from all the dancing Jongin and Sehun have been getting me into when we clean up."
Kyungsoo's eyes have always been big since they were young-the wideness and wetness of his eyes emphasising his worries every time. But they’ve never faced Minseok with so much worry, not even when he first started this cafe. They've been looking at him like that for a long while now.
"I'll go get you some stew," Kyungsoo says firmly, chair clattering in the empty cafe-closed for the public holiday-as he stands. "I have some left from yesterday, we can share."
Minseok hums in agreement, both of them knowing quite well that sharing meant Minseok getting a full plate of rice covered with the stew while Kyungsoo nibbles on bread dipped in the sauce occasionally.
Minseok didn't eat much apart from Kyungsoo's cooking, mainly because he didn't have much of an appetite anymore, and he spent his days working as Kyungsoo's cashier.
“Do you think angels can eat human food?" Kyungsoo asks halfway through the meal, and Minseok nods. "How do you know?"
“Well, they were humans once too, I don't see why not." Minseok reasons, piercing a cut of pork with his fork.
“But do they need to eat? They are after all immortals." Kyungsoo muses, breaking off another piece of the untouched baguettes they have lying around in the bread baskets after a long day.
"Haven't you heard of manna?" Minseok says, finishing the last spoon of rice under Kyungsoo's sharp eye. "The bread of heaven, or angels, something like that."
“Maybe I should name those steamed bread cubes 'Angel's Bread', like a play on the Angel Food Cake." Kyungsoo digresses, his eyes snapping to Minseok suddenly. "Were they light and fluffy?"
“Angels?" Minseok says confusedly.
Kyungsoo rolls his eyes. "No, the bread, hyung."
“Yes, I suppose they were." Minseok says.
“'Angel's Bread' it is then." Kyungsoo says, visibly pleased.
“Do you think I can have some to bring home?" Minseok abruptly asks, and Kyungsoo's lips curve into a wide smile.
“Of course." Kyungsoo claps his hands together. "I need some practice making them anyway, are you going to accompany me till night again?"
“Yuzu jam please," Minseok says pleasantly, standing with Kyungsoo to clear the plates. "Of course I will, I always do, otherwise you will never finish prep till midnight."
“What will I do without you~" Kyungsoo sings, smile teasing.
Kyungsoo's singing as they work always eases the throbbing in his head that comes with the cool night air.
☿♂☿♂
"Sleep well, Soo." Minseok presses a kiss to the younger boy's forehead. Kyungsoo's nose wrinkles as his arm squeezes Minseok's waist gently, as if he needs to feel that Minseok is still solid, strong and tangible.
“I'm not that five year old anymore you know." Kyungsoo grumbles.
“I'm still going to be forever five years older than you." Minseok grins, the bag holding the still warm steamed bread swinging in his hand.
“Go home safely, hyung." Kyungsoo calls as he steps into the lifts. Minseok waves and waits for the doors to close before he turns on his heels, bowing just barely to the security guard who waves at the sight of his familiar face.
“Always walking him home, eh?" The uncle chuckles. "Good hyung you are, don't know what he'd do without you to be honest."
Minseok tips his head in thanks, waving as he goes off.
It's a ten minute walk to the junction where he then takes a - turn towards the neighbourhood where his apartment resides. Tonight though, he stops to glance up at the inky sky, the chalky moon peeking out from the clouds, and wonders for a second before immediately continuing down the lone street.
The food will not need to go into the refrigerator tonight.
☿♂☿♂
“It's good."
Minseok smiles at the affirmation and he rolls over onto his back, closing his eyes as the moonlight washes over them and their surroundings in a silver light.
“Isn't it? Its name is 'Angel's Bread', so it reminded me of you," Minseok hums. "Kyungsoo was doubting me, could you believe it? When I've always given him my honest opinions on his food."
“I'm no angel, and you don't tell me." His voice is teasing and Minseok laughs.
His laugh echoes in the small area surrounded by the thick bushes and small trees. The sound ripples over the slow bubbling river, and he can hear him shift.
“It's fun to play with you, holy one." Minseok says.
“The kimchi spaghetti was gross," The smooth voice is closer now, and Minseok feels a knee knock into the side of his thigh. Minseok looks to the side, coming face to face with him. "You could have at least acted less enthusiastic, I really thought it was some miracle fusion food."
"Who asked you to be so gullible?" Minseok thinks the light coloured hair is-if possible- more gorgeous today, the moonlight particularly strong.
Silence is his reply, and Minseok stares worriedly at his companion. "Did I say something wrong?"
"No, not really."
Minseok fingers the small crystal under his shirt, the thin platinum chain holding it clinking lightly against its surface.
“Have you not taken this trimester's dose?" His breath is cool against Minseok's lips.
“I kind of wanted to see you instead." Minseok admits, pink dusting his cheeks.
“Your cheeks have lost their slight plumpness." His fingers are warmer than his palm as they press lightly against the sides of his face. "I want you to stay healthy you know."
“You've already kept me alive for so long." Minseok mumbles, distracted by how the pretty curve of the other's lips bends to form words.
“I gave you the crystal for a reason."
“I forgot how to open it," Minseok pouts, annoyed at the other's insistence. "I don't want to spoil your handiwork."
“I can always get another."
“It tastes sour."
“It's the only form that can last that long."
“I would rather see you more often."
It's that protest that has him pressing soft lips to Minseok's, tongue tracing the seam of Minseok's lips. Minseok opens up, tasting yuzu on the other's tongue and unknown sweetness that has become a rare treat. Minseok curls insistent fingers into his soft cotton shirt, always a pale shade-tonight it matches his eyes, the palest purple that it's almost greyish blue- not letting him go.
“Doctor, I haven't had my dose for almost three months now." Minseok whispers into the other's mouth. It would almost be suggestive if not for the fact that it was the honest truth. A chuckle comes before the other kisses him harder, a contrast to how his tongue licks softly into Minseok's mouth.
It soothes his body, the way his hands run through Minseok's hair, over his shoulders right to his fingers to enlace their fingers together like smooth silk. The kisses help in another way; when Minseok's hold is broken so that he can pull back, the reflection in his eyes show Minseok's cheeks are pink not just from kissing but flush with health, and his eyes are brighter, heart beats stronger again. Minseok’s chest heaves with exertion and they wait till his breath quietens.
“Such a rebel." The male huffs at him. Minseok pulls him up to go over to the river, where it is the gentlest, to feel the slightly icy water tickle their hands and feet. "But doses from me are stronger, last longer."
“What's the point of this crystal then." Minseok complains, sly.
"I can't always come down to see you," is the gentle explanation even as his eyes glint with understanding under the moonlight. "You're such a beggar for attention."
“Only for yours." Minseok says softly, and to his delight the younger male blushes. "You can blush!"
“We can eat human food as well," The male retorts as he pokes Minseok's side with an indignant finger.
Minseok catches his hand, tugging him closer and he complies. Minseok shuffles closer as well, legs tangling and laying over the other's to fit closer. His companion plays with the flowers that dot the vines crawling along the river’s edge, the huge white petals dwarfing his hands.They sit like that in silence, just waiting for Minseok's move.
Minseok tugs on the hand he is holding to get his attention. He runs fingertips over the elegant features, and his angel's eyelids flutter shut as he takes a shaky breath.
“You're so gorgeous, you know?" Minseok whispers, and he watches him swallow slowly.
“You always tell me that," The lilt in his voice remains even at its softest level. "I don't deserve it."
"You do."
"You need to go, it's almost two am," Minseok's fingers skate down to where a steady pulse should beat.
"Okay." Minseok arranges the strands of hair blown astray by the wind before standing. "Will I see you soon?"
"Whenever you see the moon, as usual," His eyes open and Minseok's breath is stolen by the breeze that blows again, the clarity of his gaze always holding that power over Minseok. "Please take the vial's content soon though, don't let it expire. I won't be so lenient this time."
Minseok's shower is quick, but refreshing, and the spray’s pressure gentle. He towels his hair furiously before hanging the terrycloth up. He flicks the lights off, curling up in bed on top of the duvet.
The moonlight is streaming in through the blinds, yet instead of it being glaringly bright, the shower of white light soothes him to sleep.
☿♂☿♂
“Hey miracle case.”
Minseok scoffs as he enters the doctor’s room.
Jongdae grins in greeting as he thwacks the back of Luhan’s head with Minseok’s report file. Luhan makes an indignant noise.
“Can I not call my best friend a miracle case?”
“We are supposed to remain professional, hyung.” Jongdae reminds him, smoothing out the back of the file before dropping it in front of Luhan. “No mentions of best friends.”
“Says you who pulled strings to get yourself under me,” Luhan snorts, glancing at Minseok who raises a knowing eyebrow. “At work and at home.”
“Hyung!” Jongdae whines, and Luhan’s hand reaches out to tug Jongdae closer by the belt loops. “What?”
“If you’d be so sweet to get our sphygmomanometer, and print out the CT scans from last month?” Luhan teases, and Minseok props his chin on his hands.
“Yeah,” Jongdae mumbles, pouting at Minseok’s quiet chuckle. “Minseok hyung you suck too.”
“Not as well as you!” Luhan calls after Jongdae as Jongdae leaves the room.
“Gross,” Minseok fakes a gag and Luhan shrugs.
“He wanted to work with me. How’s my best friend anyway?”
“Good.” Minseok’s reply comes immediately.
“You look like you’ve lost weight,” Luhan shoots back, standing and pulling off his stethoscope. “Same routine now.”
Minseok obediently gets up, crouching to pull out the weighing scale himself and shucks off his shoes. He stands rod straight, letting Luhan peer over his shoulder before he feels a hand skim up his back. The cold circle presses just by his shoulder blade, and he breathes as evenly as possible.
“You know you can’t trick the stethoscope,” Luhan comments quietly, left hand coming to press down on Minseok’s stomach till he relaxes, giving up. “There we go.”
“Jongdae’s right, you suck.” Minseok sighs and when he turns to hop up on the examination bed, Luhan’s eyes twinkle.
Minseok threatens to punch him and Luhan puts his hands up in defeat.
“Idiot.” A smile finds its way to Minseok’s lips anyway, and Luhan presses the stethoscope to his front next.
It’s silent for a while, as Luhan slides the chest piece across to listen carefully. He drops the piece eventually, dropping the stethoscope on the bed beside Minseok. Minseok watches, legs swinging a little above the cold tile floor as his friend slides back into his chair, body still facing him as if it took too much time to fit the chair back under the table properly.
Luhan’s hand immediately picks up the bright aqua blue pen on his table, scribbling quickly on Minseok’s new report sheet. Minseok feels a buzz of happiness to see the pen he had given Luhan still being used, recognising it by the Chinese characters of Luhan’s name engraved in the curve of the plastic.
Luhan’s hand moves swiftly, and Minseok purses his lips at the unnaturally tight grip he has on the pen.
“No pressure,” Minseok says quietly. Luhan glances up. “Like you said, I’m a miracle case.”
“I still have to be careful,” Luhan says, eyes flickering back to the half-filled sheet and the tip of the pen remains pressed to its surface. “I need to rule out every possibility, make sure there’s no signs I’m missing or some kind of misread and that the nurses conduct the scans with proper proce-“
“Luhan.”
“I can’t, Minseok, I can’t relax when I’m taking care of you,” Luhan whispers, left hand running through his hair. “I already made one mistake, I can’t-“
“I can go to another doctor,” Minseok says, sliding off the bed to stand by Luhan.
“No.” Luhan’s reply is sharp, as it always is when it comes to these discussions. “I don’t trust anyone else.”
“Then trust yourself,” Minseok catches Luhan’s hand that had remained twisted in his hair. “I trust you.”
“Then stop trying to trick me,” Luhan snaps. Minseok flinches from the flash of anger.
Luhan’s upset over Minseok always runs in stages, from insecurity to excessive worrying to anger, because while he blames himself for not seeing the signs properly, it’s always been a sore spot-Minseok hiding symptoms from him, before and after discovery.
“I’m sorry,” Minseok says softly. Luhan simply drops Minseok’s hand.
Luhan continues to write out his notes, leaving Minseok to shift back to the chair opposite Luhan. Minseok frowns at the Chinese characters, all undecipherable to him.
“What if someone needed to look at your notes?” Minseok asks tentative and almost sighing in relief when Luhan laughs, drawing a full stop to his sentence.
“Writing in Chinese helps patient confidentiality, and I was educated with Chinese terms. I keep a Korean copy in the files.” Luhan says, and the tense atmosphere dissipates at Luhan’s amused reply.
“I’m back, I’m sorry I took so long, the printer jammed.” Jongdae bustles in, one hand cradling the apparatus Luhan required and the other holding the prints.
“That thing is too old to be in use,” Luhan says dismissively, sliding the prints out of the envelope.
Jongdae starts chattering to Minseok about the recent vocal lessons he has been taking, but Minseok is distracted by how Luhan has frozen over the prints.
“Lu?” Minseok calls, and Luhan startles, looking up.
“Jongdae, if you could escort Minseok out, and call Yixing in?” Luhan’s voice is steady, but his words hint at something.
Minseok frowns, about to protest but Jongdae lays a firm hand on Minseok’s elbow, leading him out.
“Jongdae-“
“Minseok hyung,” Jongdae sighs, nodding at another doctor that passes by. “Dr Lu has been really very meticulous with your case.”
Minseok stays silent at that, following Jongdae to the waiting room.
“He is just being extra careful now. He calls Dr Zhang in to consult him a lot, so don’t worry.” Jongdae gets a cup of water from the water fountain, fitting the styrofoam into Minseok’s palm. “I’ll be right back.”
When Jongdae comes back with Dr Zhang, Minseok stands to greet him.
“Yixing.” The doctor introduces himself, bowing deeply and a dimple shows on his face as he straightens back up. “I’ve heard a lot about you, Mr Kim.”
“Minseok.” He insists, waving as Jongdae directs Yixing into Luhan’s office.
“I need you to come back in a week,” Luhan tells him the moment he re-enters the office.
Yixing is still there, humming as he spins in the chair that Minseok was previously seated in, examining the prints in his hands.
“What?” Minseok says, surprised and Luhan nods, eyes pinned to his computer as he inputs the appointment himself.
“I think you can come in with me after our soccer match.” Luhan says.
“Soccer?” Yixing asks, his voice rising in pitch for a split second.
“He plays with me.” Luhan explains.
“Luhan, you know that is unadvisable.” Yixing shakes his head, pressing the prints back down on the table. “He already suffered one collapsed lung, he can’t be exerting himself like that.”
“He needs the blood to be flowing, Yixing,” Luhan taps enter, turning back to face both of them. “There’s barely enough oxygen as it is. His heart is healthy.”
“I only feel out of breath after, but that’s normal, isn’t it?” Minseok says, and Yixing sighs.
“I’m more worried about the cell division.”
“Which is why I’m asking him to come in next week.”
“But I don’t always come in after our matches.” Minseok says.
“Minseok,” Luhan meets Minseok’s eyes. “Have you been taking the meds?”
“Why?”
Jongdae turns away swiftly, organising the syringes in the trolley behind Luhan. Yixing clears his throat. Luhan’s gaze doesn’t waver and Minseok realises that Luhan knows.
“Luhan, I…” Minseok swallows, watching Luhan’s eyes water as his lips part to speak.
“Then why are there suddenly three more cysts?”
Luhan’s voice cracks, along with Minseok’s guilty heart.
☿♂☿♂
“I’m hurting them.”
A sigh floats up to meet Minseok’s words, and Minseok fiddles with his beanie.
“I wonder if me preserving my life is hurting them more than me leaving them.” Minseok continues, placing the beanie gently on the other’s head, adjusting it carefully.
“I can only give you what you want.” His reply is something Minseok expected.
“And it’s human nature to want to live.” Minseok agrees, glancing down at him, who has his head rested in Minseok’s lap.
“I would suppose so.” His voice is hesitant, and he catches Minseok’s hand, kissing the centre of it. “I don’t want you to die either.”
“Would I become an angel as well?” Minseok teases, and it catches him off guard.
“That…” He hesitates and the pensive pout makes Minseok laugh, tapping those pink lips with the tip of his finger.
“It’s not your decision is it.”
“Not really. Well, I don’t think so. We do report your behaviour and character after your death, but I’m not sure if that contributes anything.”
Minseok wonders, exhaling. “Sometimes I feel like you are lying to me about being an angel, to be honest.”
“I don’t lie.” He responds, and Minseok leans in.
“Which liar would admit he lies?”
“A liar that cares for someone.”
Minseok’s neck hurts when he’s pulled in for a kiss, having to crane down awkwardly, but it’s worth it when a hum of content slips past the other’s lips.
“Would you sing for me?” Minseok asks.
“I’m not very good.”
“That’s for me to decide.” Minseok says, smiling when the male relents at his words.
Minseok closes his eyes, chin propped on his palm as he starts carefully. His voice is soft, but incredibly clear and Minseok finds his smile growing wider.
“Maybe one day I will meet your friends.” He says when he’s finished with his song.
“They’re my family.” Minseok says, after some thought.
“Well,” The other sits up, stretching. Minseok averts his eyes when the hem of the white shirt rides up. “Maybe one day I will meet your family.”
☿♂☿♂
Minseok enters the kitchen to see Sehun grinding pills and his entrance has Jongin jumping on him, hand planted over his eyes.
“Jongin?” Minseok sticks his hands out, feeling the face in front of him to make sure it is him.
“Yeah hyung.” Jongin laughs, but Minseok can hear the trepidation woven into his tone.
“Are you guys doing drugs?” Minseok fakes shock and immediately light floods his vision when Jongin raises his hands to show innocence.
“Idiot!” Sehun hisses as he stuffs the pill packet in his pocket and Jongin realises Minseok’s trick.
Minseok bats Jongin’s hands away as he makes his way over-he may be sick, but he is still stronger than both of them.
“Hyung… hyung- hyung, no.” Sehun weaves out of his way, still holding the grinder bottle with the fine powder in it.
“Sehun.” Minseok glares, finally catching the boy by the sleeve. His hand snakes into Sehun’s pocket to pull the packet out. “Isn’t this mine?”
“No.” Jongin squeaks. Sehun’s elbow stabs him in the ribs and he doubles over.
“It’s not.” Sehun appeases, reaching out and Minseok jerks it out of his reach.
“It is, it’s the same pills I’m supposed to take.”
“Supposed to.” Sehun shoots back, giving up.
“It’s none of your business, Sehun.” Minseok says exasperatedly. “What do you intend to do with it anyway? Put it in my food?”
Sehun’s face remains blank but Jongin colours. Sehun glances at his best friend and he groans.
“Jongin, jeez,” Sehun sighs. “To your credit it’s your idea so please man up.”
Minseok grins at that; Jongin is a horrible liar for all his bright ideas.
“They were just worried about you. Plus I called Luhan hyung, he said it’s a good idea.” Kyungsoo appears from the backdoor from throwing the trash, hands held out in front of him as he makes his way to the sink.
He scrubs his hands, head turned to the side slightly as he speaks. “Hyung, you didn’t tell me you had to take medicine.” Kyungsoo’s eyes are blank when he turns to face them. But the way the corners of his lips tilt down just barely, Minseok knows he’s upset.
“It’s not medicine, those are hormones.” Minseok says. “I don’t see how they will help me.”
“Just because it stopped doesn’t mean you’re safe, hyung,” Kyungsoo argues, gingerly taking the grinder bottle from Sehun, placing it safely below the spice rack. “Luhan hyung may call you a miracle case but that doesn’t mean you’re going to be fine.”
Kyungsoo’s voice wavers. Minseok steps forward towards Kyungsoo but Sehun beats him to it. He wraps Kyungsoo in his arms, allowing Kyungsoo to cling to his shirt, face pressed against his collarbones.
“I want you to be fine,” Kyungsoo continues, voice muffled against Sehun’s skin. “I want you to cooperate and be fine and healthy and keep your promise, the one you made when you fell out of that stupid tree when you were in middle school, that you’ll outlive me even when we’re in our nineties.”
Minseok thinks for all the things he remembers to do for Kyungsoo, he has forgotten Kyungsoo is only a year older than Sehun and Jongin, who are only just out of high school, and he has most definitely forgotten that silly children’s promise.
Kyungsoo’s back melts against his chest when he wraps arms over Kyungsoo’s shoulders, whispering apologies into Kyungsoo’s ear.
Kyungsoo gives in at Minseok’s touch, but still refuses to turn to face Minseok. Sehun just accepts Minseok as well, long arms easily accommodating their oldest hyung. Minseok feels Jongin bury his face into his hair as he curls arms around Minseok’s waist, listening to Kyungsoo’s soft hiccups.
“I’m so sorry.” Minseok drops the words between the four of them, just loud enough to hear, soft and sincere and he feels his own eyes burn. He presses his eyes to Kyungsoo’s shoulder, and wishes love could heal physical pains too.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok nearly blacks out.
“Fuck, fuck, Minseok,” Minseok can dimly hear Luhan’s voice, and he takes a shuddering breath before his vision clears. He stares at the green grass, the tips of the grass blades still blurred. He can feel the roughness of the wild grass against his palms and knees, and he is helped to a sitting position, and Luhan’s face floats in front of him.
Pressure is applied to the base of his chin, and his head is pushed upwards. Air flows straight down his lungs and he can feel Luhan press his ear to his chest.
“Kim Minseok? Sehun, help me-“
I am breathing, Minseok thinks, feeling the air go down his windpipe. He suddenly gets what Luhan means though, when the air doesn’t move. The air just sits there, in his lungs, unmoving and suddenly the grass is tickling his back and his neck now.
“Hyung!”
Kyungsoo.
“Minseok.”
It’s him, Minseok realises. He doesn’t appear during the day, that’s not right. “Minseok, breathe, I don’t want you to die, remember?”
Air flies out of Minseok’s lungs and that air gets replaced by more air and the cycle continues.
Minseok inhales, then exhales.
“Jesus christ, Minseok.”
“Luhan?” Minseok croaks, and a shuddering sob answers him.
“Yes, yes it’s me you stupid idiot.” Minseok blinks up at the tear-stained face, and he reaches a hand up, feeling the strength slowly return to his numb limbs as he wipes the dampness off Luhan’s face.
“Hyung?” Minseok glances to the side, and Sehun is staring back at him, eyes wide with shock and Kyungsoo’s beside him, face buried in his knees.
He takes the same arm, not quite trusting his non-dominant arm just yet, and curls a hand around Kyungsoo’s ankle.
“Soo?”
Kyungsoo crashes into him, knocking the breath out of him, but his lungs don’t betray him this time, and sweet oxygen just returns to him.
“Kyungsoo, be careful. Don’t hold him too tight.” Luhan says weakly, and Kyungsoo’s head shakes furiously.
Minseok feels his throat tighten as tears that are not Luhan’s nor his slide down his neck.
“I keep making you cry, don’t I?” Minseok manages, and Kyungsoo shakes his head again.
“I shouldn’t have listened to you,” Luhan says, and Minseok looks at him over Kyungsoo’s head. “I shouldn’t have allowed the extra twenty minutes.”
“No, I was just being dumb.” Minseok says, and he reaches a hand out to Sehun who clings on to the hand like a lifeline. Minseok’s eyes don’t leave Luhan’s, and nothing needs to be said.
Minseok glances up at the sky, the sun not as bright in the late evening and then he sees it.
“The moon is out early today.” He mentions, and Luhan looks up before smiling shakily at Minseok.
“Idiot, you notice that instead of my new hair colour.”
Minseok laughs, and his lungs continue to work.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok holds in a laugh as he curls up on his side, Sehun’s hushed murmurings fill the silence of the room. Kyungsoo listens seriously to the words whispered in his ear, nodding even as Sehun tugs him onto his lap, arms and jacket coming around to wrap around a cold Kyungsoo.
Minseok glances down to the blankets folded neatly by the foot of his hospital bed, provided by the nurses for the two of them. He shakes his head, toes curling at how Sehun comfortably hooks his chin over Kyungsoo’s shoulder to kiss him just below his cheekbone.
Sehun continues to nuzzle the crook of Kyungsoo’s neck, humming softly before saying something audible to only Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo’s blush is evident as he giggles, head bowing.
“Did you guys forget I’m here, or?” Minseok complains, amused at how Kyungsoo’s head jerks up, eyes wide.
“Weren’t you sleeping?” Sehun chuckles quietly as Kyungsoo tries to squirm out of his hold.
“I woke like a few minutes ago, what time is it?” Minseok asks and Sehun lifts an arm to check his watch.
“Eight. You’ve been out for an hour or so.”
“Ah.” Minseok winces for Sehun when the boy yelps, Kyungsoo shooting out of his embrace to drop onto the foot of the bed. His hands are cold even through the blankets and Minseok shoots Kyungsoo a look.
“What?” Kyungsoo asks, blinking even as Sehun massages his own stomach.
“You could try not to injure your boyfriend with that elbow, just saying, especially since he seems to pamper you,” Minseok says, sitting up and Kyungsoo rolls his eyes.
“He can take it.”
“I got a kiss just now, it’s okay, hyung.” Sehun grins as he makes his way over, seating himself into the chair by Minseok’s bed. “We didn’t get to ask you about the tests, how were they?”
“He was sedated, Sehun,” Kyungsoo says placidly and Sehun shuts his eyes in embarrassment, visibly wincing.
Minseok snorts, folding his legs and he sighs. “Where’s Luhan, why I am still here?”
“Jongdae hyung said he’s running more test analysis on the tests’ results,” Kyungsoo says, and Minseok nods. “Dr Zhang said you should stay for a night though, just in case this afternoon was…detrimental.”
“Jongin’s coming after class,” Sehun supplies.
“You guys can’t intend to stay over.”
“It’s Sunday tomorrow,” Sehun shrugs. “We have time.”
Minseok’s mouth opens, but then he sees Kyungsoo’s glare and he shuts it, accepting that he doesn’t have a valid argument.
Kyungsoo wriggles his way next to Minseok, the bed thankfully wide enough for both of them and Sehun scowls momentarily before huffing fondly.
“Sorry,” Minseok laughs as Kyungsoo presses the side of his head against Minseok’s cheek, cuddling closer.
“I’ll sleep on the couch with Jongin,” Sehun waves his hand in its general direction as he treks backwards towards it. He sticks his tongue out at Kyungsoo who just growls back playfully, tossing the blanket into Sehun’s face.
“No violence in the hospital,” Minseok says, reaching over to switch the lights off.
“Well, you guys look comfy enough,” Luhan’s bright voice is brighter than the lights he switches on. Minseok, the lightest sleeper, wakes instantly, shushing him. Kyungsoo mumbles something before curving deep into Minseok’s side. Jongin shifts, and Sehun further curls into a ball when Jongin’s foot pushes at his thigh sleepily.
“It’s like-“
“Five am, yes,” Luhan always read Minseok’s thoughts well. “Doctors are vampires, and I couldn’t wait so!”
Luhan skips over to sit in the chair Sehun previous occupied and Minseok’s eyes alight on the file in his hands.
“So?” Minseok raises an eyebrow.
“The live malignant cells don’t show sign of multiplying, no centrioles, nucleolus is not even present, never mind chromosomal material,” Luhan says, flipping through the papers perfunctorily to show Minseok but he doesn’t even look at them, obviously having read through the contents multiple times. “Your body did it again, I mean, and the cells should be dying soon.”
“I told you.”
“Idiot.” Luhan snaps the file shut, sliding it onto the bed side table.
“Please tell me you slept while waiting for the results to be out,” Minseok frowns at the sleep deprivation dulling Luhan’s usually bright eyes.
“I was the one that processed the results out,” Luhan says, scratching his head..
“I can’t have my best doctor falling asleep on me, you know.”
“I’m your only doctor,” Luhan waves a hand as he allows himself a yawn.
“Sleep,” Minseok orders and Luhan gets up, locking the door. He tosses his coat over the bed frame, settling back down in the chair. He rests his head on the minimal space left on the bed by Minseok’s waist.
“Don’t you have a room for yourself or something?”
“I prefer here,” Luhan mumbles, sleep already taking hold of him. “Around all of you.”
Minseok stays quiet at that, looking over at all of them as he reaches over to switch off the room’s lights by the panel next to his bed.
He doesn’t blame Luhan.
☿♂☿♂
“Here.” The crystal vial is cool against Minseok’s palm when he lays it there.
Minseok rolls the crystal in his palm, watching the aqua blue shell glisten as the liquid inside rolls in it.
“You were there that day, weren’t you?” Minseok asks, and he gets a small hum in reply.
“No, not really.”
“Liar.” Minseok says.
“It’s all your own will, Minseok,” he says, patient. “Like I said, I can only grant you your own will.”
“You said you don’t want me to die,” Minseok fights, and he receives a sad smile.
“Only because you don’t want to die either.”
“What if I want to die?”
“You don’t.”
“I do,” Minseok hooks the crystal on his chain, and he shakes his head at the heavy sigh from the other. “I want to stop torturing everyone.”
“Don’t be stupid,” Minseok’s smile falters at the shake in his voice, usually so stable and warm.
“But-“
“You always tease me to be the liar, but you know what, Minseok? You’re the liar. You’re the one that lives saying you’ll try, says sorry to everyone who loves you and what do you do? Try to die. Sehun was even praying for you then and there, you cruel person.”
“I-“
“Do you honestly think I’m just taking care of you, Minseok? I’m not God, but I am in charge of this area, I take care of everyone. Sehun prays for you every night, and Kyungsoo, he’s not like Sehun but he makes a wish, the same wish, every night too. I make an effort, because six other people here want you alive and healthy.”
Minseok stares at the male, whose face was stricken with pain and fury.
“I’m sorry.” Minseok finds the words easily, tucked under his tongue only because he has being saying it so much the past months.
“No, no, you’re not.” Is the reply before he brushes past Minseok in a blur of ivory cotton.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok hurries to the clearing, the moon shining brightly and he stops at their spot.
He looks around, but he’s alone. Minseok sighs. He drops to his knees slowly, adjusting his position to sit cross legged by the river. His ankle knocks into something, and he parts the long grass, fingers patting lightly.
They find another crystal vial, this time a familiar pale purple. He runs his thumb over the smooth surface of the crystal, disappointed.
The walk back home is seems longer than usual.
☿♂☿♂
Minseok startles awake, eyes flickering aimlessly over the pitch black room.
“It’s me.”
“Oh.” The sound comes out almost too relieved, Minseok immediately feeling embarrassed. “Wait, why are you-“
“I can go to other places other than that place you know.”
“I thought…”
“Yeah, no.”
They sit in silence like that, and the blinds are drawn abruptly, allowing the dim moonlight to chase the darkness away. Minseok blinks at the angel’s figure, seeing the tense form of his shoulders.
“I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you.” He turns to face Minseok, voice full of apology.
“No, I deserved it, you were right,” Minseok mumbles, hand reaching out.
A warm hand slips into his own, and the male sits by him, legs curled by his side. Minseok pulls his other hand over as well, starting to play with the slim fingers. He counts them and he suddenly remembers.
“Six.”
“I’m sorry?”
“You said six people,” Minseok lifts his own hand. “Sehun, Jongin, Kyungsoo, Jongdae, Luhan.”
“Oh.”
“That’s five,” Minseok murmurs, realisation dawning on him. “You are a liar after all.”
“No, I a-“
“You do want me alive.” Minseok says instantly, the idea of it filling his heart inexplicably full, the warmth bubbling up comfortably. He tightens his hold over him, forcing him to meet him in the eye.
“You don’t know me.”
“I do,” Minseok says.
“I-“
“You are Kim Junmyeon, the one who has kept me alive for so long when the cysts should have completely destroyed my lungs by now, the one whose kisses makes me feel so alive that it’s hard to breathe.”
“That’s my old name,” Junmyeon says, gaze sliding to the duvets instead. “I gave you my name.”
“I like it.”
“Okay.”
Minseok tips Junmyeon’s chin up.
Junmyeon’s small slow inhale is enthralling, sending a shiver down his spine. The hands that fly up to press against Minseok’s chest at first seem to push him away, but he feels fingers dig into the fabric and he grins.
“Minseok,” Junmyeon says. “Take Luhan’s medicine okay?”
“And yours?”
Junmyeon shakes his head, hands framing Minseok’s face.
“One day,” Junmyeon says.
“Why not?”
“One day.” Junmyeon lays a light kiss on Minseok’s lips, and he pulls away, pausing by the open door. “Sleep, Minseok.”
“Can you stay, tonight? Until I fall asleep?” Minseok looks down at his duvet at his childish words, palm spreading over the cool silk. The door clicks shut and Minseok sighs, fingers drawing characters out against the fabric.
“Aren’t you going to lie down?”
Minseok’s head jerks upwards, and Junmyeon’s still there, smiling. Minseok quickly slides under the duvet, eyes staying on Junmyeon.
Junmyeon slides onto the bed once he’s lying down, reaching over Minseok to pick up a book from the pile that Minseok leaves on his bedside table.
“Sleep,” Junmyeon says firmly, leaning against the headboard by Minseok’s head as he flips the book open.
Minseok slides closer, until he can feel Junmyeon’s form press against him through the sheets and he obediently shuts his eyes. A hand rests itself in his hair and he presses closer, petulantly nudging Junmyeon at the sound of a melodic soft chuckle.
Sleep slips in sweetly that night.
☿♂☿♂
The first time they kiss was half a year ago exactly.
“Junmyeon?” Minseok asks, and Junmyeon startles out of his daze.
“Yes?”
“What are you thinking about?” Minseok wraps his scarf tighter around his neck and mouth, glancing at the ashy sky.
“That it’s really cold,” Junmyeon says, reaching out to pull Minseok’s beanie down lower as well.
“As if.” The words are mangled through the thick wool and Minseok watches him squint as he leans closer to listen better.
Minseok shuffles closer, and Junmyeon folds his legs up to let Minseok come closer. Minseok tugs down his scarf, ruining his previous efforts.
“I said, as if-“ The cold air goes down badly, and Minseok’s chest constricts. He coughs, and gasps as a shiver runs down his body.
Junmyeon immediately tugs the scarf up, brow hitching together under the blond fringe.
“Sh,” he says, adjusting the scarf. “I can hear you from here anyway.”
Minseok nods, swallowing despite the uncomfortable scratch of the saliva down his throat.
“Maybe I shouldn’t meet you as often in the winter,” Junmyeon says, exhaling worriedly. “You’re so cold.”
“No I’m not,” Minseok says.
Junmyeon’s lips thin as he presses surprisingly warm palms to his cheeks. “You’re ice cold.”
“But I don’t feel cold.”
Junmyeon sits there staring at him, deciphering the words as he brushes Minseok’s fringe out of his eyes. Minseok waits expectantly for his answer, blinking the rest of the hair out of his view.
Junmyeon’s eyes are unfocused again, and Minseok sighs. He lifts two fingers, tugging the scarf’s edge down again.
“I said, I don’t feel cold,” Minseok repeats, eyeing him.
“You have to stop that,” Junmyeon mumbles, eyes flickering up to meet Minseok’s eyes.
“What?”
“That wide eyed, pink cheeked look,” Junmyeon says, tone hesitant even as he articulates clearly.
“I- what?” Minseok tugs his scarf up, feeling his cheeks heat.
“It’s distracting,” Junmyeon frowns, but his eyes are soft. “So distracting.”
“Your eyes are distracting too,” Minseok shoots back. “So is your laugh, you sound stupid.”
“Offensive,” Junmyeon says, leaning closer. “My violet eyes are rare for my kind, and they are actually dark blue, mind you.”
Minseok scoffs even as his heart flutters, feeling Junmyeon’s hand snake into his, where they lay in his lap.
“Minseok,” Junmyeon says, tugging him even closer. “Is it just me?”
“Probably,” Minseok says, and Junmyeon laughs again.
“That tone, honestly,” Junmyeon shakes his head, and his other hand comes up to tug the scarf down.
“My scarf is going to have a hole by the end of tonight,” Minseok says, breath white as it billows out between them. His eyes drift to the other' lips. “This is not some kind of scarf tug of war.”
Junmyeon leans in, and Minseok’s breathing halts, eyes slipping shut. Nothing comes, and Minseok opens his eyes to see Junmyeon just hovering.
“Are you going to kiss me, or not?” Minseok breathes, and the movement of his lips has theirs brushing just barely. Junmyeon’s breath hitches, and he blinks right back at Minseok’s stare.
“Testing if this feels right.”
“Have you never kissed someone before?” Minseok shifts, body rising and Junmyeon’s head tilts up to follow his movement. Minseok fits himself right into Junmyeon’s space and he likes how Junmyeon doesn’t even flinch.
“No, not really,” Junmyeon says. “But this feels quite…”
“I’ve liked you for three months now, I swear to god, Junmyeon, if you-“
Minseok sighs into the kiss, body buzzing as Junmyeon’s hands come up to cup just under his jaw.
“I thought you didn’t believe in god,” Junmyeon says, pleased as he pulls back. He licks his lips, and Minseok zeroes in on it.
“Well, if you exist…” Minseok murmurs, slotting their lips together again and he coaxes Junmyeon open. The small ‘oh’ that comes from the other has Minseok pressing closer.
“Three months only though?” Junmyeon asks after, when he deems Minseok has had enough and is warm enough in his hold.
“Why?”
“I’ve liked you for half a year now,” Junmyeon says. “At least I think that’s how I feel.”
“I apologise for my attractiveness,” Minseok says, earning an amused huff from the other.
Junmyeon’s arms tighten around him and Minseok feels the press of the other’s lips on his left temple.
That winter was Minseok’s warmest winter.
☿♂☿♂
It hits him abruptly, as he watches Junmyeon nap, curled up in a soft patch of grass. He watches his breath curl in white wisps as he sighs.
Minseok crawls over to pick up a rock from the riverbank, sitting on the soil.
His fingers map out the sharp edges of it, feels the seductive press against his thin skin.
He runs the rock over his wrist, something he has done a few times before already. A shiver runs up his arm and he tosses the rock from hand to hand.
Minseok didn't want to live if his lungs didn't. But that's not the epiphany he had.
A nose presses itself into the crook of his neck and arms form a brace around his waist.
"Hi," Junmyeon says sleepily, inhaling. Minseok can feel whatever tension left in Junmyeon bleed away and he presses his cheek against Junmyeon's left temple.
"Didn't know higher beings needed to sleep," Minseok says, shifting as Junmyeon adjusts, legs stretching out to bracket Minseok.
"I'm practically human," Junmyeon says against his skin, words muffled.
"With wings and life giving powers, yes." Minseok says drily.
"What's with the rock?" Junmyeon asks. Minseok ignores the blatant change of subject.
"It was nice to look at," Minseok says, remembering the stone still resting in his left hand. He tightens his hold around it, before letting it drop to the ground.
"Careful, it's sharp," Junmyeon says, but his tone is careless. "Look, you've got some dirt on your wrist from it too."
Junmyeon's thumb rubs at the faint line of dirt sliced across Minseok's right wrist, moving in the same sweeping motion the rock had taken. Minseok nods, realising Junmyeon knew. Junmyeon continues circling his thumb in slow motions, and Minseok can feel the tension in the light pressure it creates.
Minseok parts his lips, wetting them in the dry air before he speaks, wondering if he will hear the words as Minseok had means them.
"It won't cut me if you're around."
"Sharp things cut no matter what," Junmyeon replies with a sort of bland impassivity, and Minseok nods.
☿♂☿♂
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