Clots → for EVERYONE
Title: Clots
Pairing(s): Xiuhan, slight Xiukris
Rating: PG13
Word count: 2350w
Summary: Xiumin does it for Lu Han.
Lu Han was desperate.
It was a honeyed bricked bungalow with a well maintained garden and sprawling driveway. Even the air smelled fresh and clean, a big difference from the single bedroom flat in the industrial estate Lu Han called home. A quiet upperclass neighbourhood just on the outskirts of town, with the soft laughter of children two doors down; this was a perfect neighbourhood.
It was everything a guy like Xiumin deserved and everything Lu Han could not provide.
He bit his lip as he watched from afar, the love of his life smiling serenely in the light evening breeze. Xiumin looked so carefree, his face free of those frown lines that Lu Han had to admit he had been seeing far too frequently over the recent years.
A hint of a smile appeared on Lu Han’s face as Xiumin bent down to inspect the petunias in the well maintained garden. Oh, his Xiumin always fancied flowers. He’d always talk about how he was going to set up his own nursery one day, when they retired.
Among the flowers, Xiumin looked years younger, much healthier. There was probably even a hint of those puffy cheeks if only he could get a better look. Kris probably fed him well. It was a stark difference from when Lu Han had last seen him, on the hospital bed.
In the ten years he had been with to Xiumin, there was both tears and laughter. Both their parents were adamantly against the marriage, Lu Han’s parents didn’t like their child choosing to be with a mere production worker, while Xiumin’s parents were old fashioned and didn’t believe in gay marriages.
They had become strangers to their parents over the years; it was always just the two of them against the world.
Yet here he was, spending their supposed tenth anniversary, staring creepily at his lover (could he still call him that?) from behind a tree.
+
Xiumin struggled to control his expression as he bent down to hide his face among the flower bush. Lu Han sucked at hiding, or maybe he just didn’t bother to put much effort into it any more. Xiumin could recognise the familiar well-worn dark blue converse anywhere, after all, he got Lu Han that pair a few anniversaries ago.
The owner of those shoes revealed himself shortly after, stepping out from behind the tree across the road, when he noticed Xiumin had left the house and was in the garden.
Lu Han was blatantly staring at him and Xiumin had to resist the urge to giggle. How could Lu Han still be so cute after all of these years? Still, he gave no indication that he knew Lu Han was there. Filling a watering can, he strolled around the garden, watering everything and trying to stay in the garden for as long as he could justify himself to. He was just out of the house to water the plants, it had nothing at all to do with Lu Han.
Lifting his head slightly, he snuck another peek at Lu Han. Lu Han seemed to have lost even more weight, his collarbones, then sharp, were now protruding obscenely, his skin colour was a pasty pale and the dark circles under his eyes… Was he even eating? Xiumin sighed internally.
He had to do this. It was the only way.
Lu Han came every day to ‘spy’ on him. It was only five days since he was discharged and Lu Han had full attendance for all five. Xiumin knew Lu Han came straight from work, his jeans had small patches of grease that was inevitable when they worked in the production line. Lu Han stood opposite the road, at the same hiding place behind the tree and usually stayed for more than an hour, even after Xiumin had already returned to the house.
He could only hope Lu Han would pull himself together and move on if he saw Xiumin was living his life happily.
+
A year ago, during a routine checkup, Xiumin found out he could die. There were blood clots in his brain. Neither Xiumin nor the doctors could explain how they got there. The doctors told him he only had one chance, one operation to make it or break it. If the operation wasn’t successful, he could enter a state of permanent paralysis, or even lose his life. Meanwhile, his brain could stop working any time. He knew they didn’t have the money for the operation, the meager insurance coverage he had did not cover situations like these and so he did his best to spend the remaining time he had left with the one person he loved the most in the world.
As he was could leave anytime, Xiumin started making preparations. He dug out a portion of his hard earned savings, spending it on a trip to Jeju Island for two. He made small investments with another portion of his savings, so Lu Han would have some side sources of income in the future. The rest, he used to buy a small apartment for Lu Han. Lu Han regularly lamented how much he hated the smell of factories they had to live with in the free employee dorms, but whenever Xiumin suggested buying their own place and moving, Lu Han would say he could bear it for a few more years, they could save up the money for a trip overseas first, where they could get married legally.
He kept it a secret from Lu Han, because, why make him suffer with him now? If Lu Han didn’t know, at least he would be happy longer.
However, nothing worked out the way he planned. They were on their way to the ferry terminal that would let them board the ferry to Jeju when the accident happened.
The roads were pretty empty; Lu Han had wanted to get a head start on the journey so he made sure they woke up at the crack of dawn to start the journey. They on their way, sharing a sandwich for breakfast, Xiumin was feeding Lu Han small chunks and chatting animatedly about what they were going to do at Jeju when a truck driver from the opposite lane lost control and hit their car.
Lu Han’s scream and the screeching of tires were the two last things Xiumin heard as the world faded into black.
+
While Lu Han survived the accident relatively unscathed, Xiumin’s head was injured. When Xiumin woke up, he had temporary amnesia. Lu Han and the doctors did all they could and as his memory slowly returned, Xiumin also remembered the problem about the blood clots. He kept his returning memory a secret from Lu Han, until he could decide what he wanted to do. Conversing privately with the hospital, he found out the insurance sum he would be getting for the accident would be vital in paying for the operation to remove the blood clots, he could now afford to take out a loan for the rest of the money needed.
He was beginning to have hope when the doctors informed him that due to the accident’s damage to his head, the operation would be very tricky and the success rate was hence halved. The doctors weren’t sure what they would find when they got to his brain, would it be too damaged to be saved? He was on the fence about the operation when an unexpected familiar face popped into his hospital room two weeks after he woke up.
+
In his efforts to help Xiumin, Lu Han searched their home looking for something, anything that would jog Xiumin’s memory when he chanced upon it. It was an old diary, one that Xiumin had written in when he was high school, judging by the dates. Lu Han knew Xiumin always wrote in diaries even before they got to know each other, and all of them were kept on a bookshelf in the living room as there were supposed to be no secrets between them. This particular diary however, was tucked at the back of their sock and underwear drawer, carefully hidden under a neat stack of Xiumin’s boxers.
Curious, Lu Han flipped it open and started reading the entries. He was baffled by the name ‘Kris’ that was used affectionately multiple times, Xiumin seemed to have spent almost every day with the guy. Xiumin never did talk about his life before meeting him much and this Kris guy seemed really important to him, was he perhaps what Lu Han dreaded to think, an ex-boyfriend in high school?
Lu Han knew he should probably try to look for this Kris, perhaps he could help him in getting Lu Han’s memory back. However, the only clues that the diary gave about the guy was that his name was Kris, he was ‘tall in a skyscraper’ and ‘very very handsome’.
Disappointed, he went to the hospital, hoping that perhaps after showing the diary to him, Xiumin would have some recollection of it. But the scene that greeted him at the hospital was very different from what he expected to see, Lu Han whom over the past few days had been moody and telling Xiumin to go away, was animatedly chatting with a man who was on squeezed with him on his bed. Xiumin was even holding hands with the guy.
Enraged, Lu Han barged in and was introduced to Kris.
+
‘Kris?’ Xiumin gasped, looking up at the handsome man before him. He couldn’t believe his eyes; it had been so long since he last saw him.
Barely containing his joy, the man rushed him, before stopping short at the side of the bed. ‘Ge!’
Reaching out, Xiumin pulled his step brother down into his embrace. After he and his parents became estranged, they made the brothers cut off all contact with each other. Xiumin missed his brother dearly, but he would not purposely further anger his parents if he could.
‘How are you doing? How are mum and dad? How did you find me?’ Xiumin wiped his brother’s tears as he rattled off question after question.
Kris had seen Xiumin in the hospital while visiting a friend, but could not catch him in time. It took a while to ask around the hospital, and he was worried when he found out Xiumin was in an accident. Sniffling and laughing at the same time, he was relieved to find that Xiumin looked okay. Snuggling his face into his elder brother’s neck, he murmured. ‘I missed you so much, Ge.’
Shifting to make room for him, Xiumin told him to climb onto the bed with him. They were catching up when Xiumin started crying while explaining the decision he had to make soon. Kris could not stop his tears then, he just got his brother back but now he may lose him again.
The both of them were on their second box of tissues when Xiumin, looking at his brother, suddenly knew what to do. Smiling sadly to himself, he realised he could write his own Korean drama and make sure Lu Han was spared as much pain as possible.
Xiumin convinced his unwilling brother into his plan, citing Korean drama examples which really should be funny, but this was real life and Xiumin did really have the chance of not waking up anymore.
They were ready when Lu Han arrived.
+
Lu Han faltered when he found out that it was Kris on the bed with Xiumin. Recovering his senses, the first question he asked was directed to Lu Han. ‘You remember him?’
Grimacing at Xiumin’s nod, he probed further but was sorely disappointed to find out Xiumin still did not remember him. Kris was certainly tall and good looking, his clothes and shoes were impeccably expensive and most importantly, Xiumin remembered him and not Lu Han. What should he do now? He tried to think optimistically and decided to first find out more about Kris.
‘We’re…’ Kris started.
‘High school sweethearts!’ Xiumin interjected, sharing a meaningful look with Kris.
Disbelieving, Lu Han settled in the visitor’s chair as Kris sat on the bed with Xiumin. The chatter around him buzzed in the busy hospital ward but he could not hear anything, he was staring enviously at the couple. Lu Han could feel his heart breaking as he watched Xiumin and Kris interacting. They could not stop touching each other, every time they caught each other’s eye while talking, they would smile and keep eye contact for as long as possible.
Xiumin was never that touchy with him, there was the occasional snuggling or goodbye kiss but Xiumin never, never did all that with him. Xiumin didn’t like public displays of affection, always brushing Lu Han off whenever they were in public with a glare that said behave yourself or you’ll get it when we get home.
Lu Han could not bear to stay in the same room as them for more than ten minutes, deciding to abruptly leave the room. He missed the look of longing and sadness Xiumin directed at his retreating back.
‘Don’t you think we overdid it, Ge?’ Kris asked, tentatively as he ran his fingers through his hair.
‘It needs to be done.’ Xiumin choked out, before turning to hide his sobs in his brother’s chest.
+
Two weeks after he left the hospital, he reentered it with his brother at his side. He told the doctors to pull the plug on him if he became a vegetable as he did not want to be anyone’s burden but luckily for him, the blood clots were removed successfully. Unfortunately, he lost some of his motor skills and had to relearn them. Kris was with him every step of the way, taking care of him and being patient and helping him. When Xiumin was finally ready, Kris brought him to Lu Han and explained everything. Lu Han cried and scolded him, but in the end revealed that he was always hoping Xiumin would come back to him, he would always be waiting for him.
Author’s note: To my recipient, I had too much to drink and ran away with your prompt, but I still hope you like this! Shoutout to my beta A who is going through a really hard time now. Thanks for holding my hand when I should be holding yours. To the mod, that you for being so understanding! <3
Pairing(s): Xiuhan, slight Xiukris
Rating: PG13
Word count: 2350w
Summary: Xiumin does it for Lu Han.
Lu Han was desperate.
It was a honeyed bricked bungalow with a well maintained garden and sprawling driveway. Even the air smelled fresh and clean, a big difference from the single bedroom flat in the industrial estate Lu Han called home. A quiet upperclass neighbourhood just on the outskirts of town, with the soft laughter of children two doors down; this was a perfect neighbourhood.
It was everything a guy like Xiumin deserved and everything Lu Han could not provide.
He bit his lip as he watched from afar, the love of his life smiling serenely in the light evening breeze. Xiumin looked so carefree, his face free of those frown lines that Lu Han had to admit he had been seeing far too frequently over the recent years.
A hint of a smile appeared on Lu Han’s face as Xiumin bent down to inspect the petunias in the well maintained garden. Oh, his Xiumin always fancied flowers. He’d always talk about how he was going to set up his own nursery one day, when they retired.
Among the flowers, Xiumin looked years younger, much healthier. There was probably even a hint of those puffy cheeks if only he could get a better look. Kris probably fed him well. It was a stark difference from when Lu Han had last seen him, on the hospital bed.
In the ten years he had been with to Xiumin, there was both tears and laughter. Both their parents were adamantly against the marriage, Lu Han’s parents didn’t like their child choosing to be with a mere production worker, while Xiumin’s parents were old fashioned and didn’t believe in gay marriages.
They had become strangers to their parents over the years; it was always just the two of them against the world.
Yet here he was, spending their supposed tenth anniversary, staring creepily at his lover (could he still call him that?) from behind a tree.
+
Xiumin struggled to control his expression as he bent down to hide his face among the flower bush. Lu Han sucked at hiding, or maybe he just didn’t bother to put much effort into it any more. Xiumin could recognise the familiar well-worn dark blue converse anywhere, after all, he got Lu Han that pair a few anniversaries ago.
The owner of those shoes revealed himself shortly after, stepping out from behind the tree across the road, when he noticed Xiumin had left the house and was in the garden.
Lu Han was blatantly staring at him and Xiumin had to resist the urge to giggle. How could Lu Han still be so cute after all of these years? Still, he gave no indication that he knew Lu Han was there. Filling a watering can, he strolled around the garden, watering everything and trying to stay in the garden for as long as he could justify himself to. He was just out of the house to water the plants, it had nothing at all to do with Lu Han.
Lifting his head slightly, he snuck another peek at Lu Han. Lu Han seemed to have lost even more weight, his collarbones, then sharp, were now protruding obscenely, his skin colour was a pasty pale and the dark circles under his eyes… Was he even eating? Xiumin sighed internally.
He had to do this. It was the only way.
Lu Han came every day to ‘spy’ on him. It was only five days since he was discharged and Lu Han had full attendance for all five. Xiumin knew Lu Han came straight from work, his jeans had small patches of grease that was inevitable when they worked in the production line. Lu Han stood opposite the road, at the same hiding place behind the tree and usually stayed for more than an hour, even after Xiumin had already returned to the house.
He could only hope Lu Han would pull himself together and move on if he saw Xiumin was living his life happily.
+
A year ago, during a routine checkup, Xiumin found out he could die. There were blood clots in his brain. Neither Xiumin nor the doctors could explain how they got there. The doctors told him he only had one chance, one operation to make it or break it. If the operation wasn’t successful, he could enter a state of permanent paralysis, or even lose his life. Meanwhile, his brain could stop working any time. He knew they didn’t have the money for the operation, the meager insurance coverage he had did not cover situations like these and so he did his best to spend the remaining time he had left with the one person he loved the most in the world.
As he was could leave anytime, Xiumin started making preparations. He dug out a portion of his hard earned savings, spending it on a trip to Jeju Island for two. He made small investments with another portion of his savings, so Lu Han would have some side sources of income in the future. The rest, he used to buy a small apartment for Lu Han. Lu Han regularly lamented how much he hated the smell of factories they had to live with in the free employee dorms, but whenever Xiumin suggested buying their own place and moving, Lu Han would say he could bear it for a few more years, they could save up the money for a trip overseas first, where they could get married legally.
He kept it a secret from Lu Han, because, why make him suffer with him now? If Lu Han didn’t know, at least he would be happy longer.
However, nothing worked out the way he planned. They were on their way to the ferry terminal that would let them board the ferry to Jeju when the accident happened.
The roads were pretty empty; Lu Han had wanted to get a head start on the journey so he made sure they woke up at the crack of dawn to start the journey. They on their way, sharing a sandwich for breakfast, Xiumin was feeding Lu Han small chunks and chatting animatedly about what they were going to do at Jeju when a truck driver from the opposite lane lost control and hit their car.
Lu Han’s scream and the screeching of tires were the two last things Xiumin heard as the world faded into black.
+
While Lu Han survived the accident relatively unscathed, Xiumin’s head was injured. When Xiumin woke up, he had temporary amnesia. Lu Han and the doctors did all they could and as his memory slowly returned, Xiumin also remembered the problem about the blood clots. He kept his returning memory a secret from Lu Han, until he could decide what he wanted to do. Conversing privately with the hospital, he found out the insurance sum he would be getting for the accident would be vital in paying for the operation to remove the blood clots, he could now afford to take out a loan for the rest of the money needed.
He was beginning to have hope when the doctors informed him that due to the accident’s damage to his head, the operation would be very tricky and the success rate was hence halved. The doctors weren’t sure what they would find when they got to his brain, would it be too damaged to be saved? He was on the fence about the operation when an unexpected familiar face popped into his hospital room two weeks after he woke up.
+
In his efforts to help Xiumin, Lu Han searched their home looking for something, anything that would jog Xiumin’s memory when he chanced upon it. It was an old diary, one that Xiumin had written in when he was high school, judging by the dates. Lu Han knew Xiumin always wrote in diaries even before they got to know each other, and all of them were kept on a bookshelf in the living room as there were supposed to be no secrets between them. This particular diary however, was tucked at the back of their sock and underwear drawer, carefully hidden under a neat stack of Xiumin’s boxers.
Curious, Lu Han flipped it open and started reading the entries. He was baffled by the name ‘Kris’ that was used affectionately multiple times, Xiumin seemed to have spent almost every day with the guy. Xiumin never did talk about his life before meeting him much and this Kris guy seemed really important to him, was he perhaps what Lu Han dreaded to think, an ex-boyfriend in high school?
Lu Han knew he should probably try to look for this Kris, perhaps he could help him in getting Lu Han’s memory back. However, the only clues that the diary gave about the guy was that his name was Kris, he was ‘tall in a skyscraper’ and ‘very very handsome’.
Disappointed, he went to the hospital, hoping that perhaps after showing the diary to him, Xiumin would have some recollection of it. But the scene that greeted him at the hospital was very different from what he expected to see, Lu Han whom over the past few days had been moody and telling Xiumin to go away, was animatedly chatting with a man who was on squeezed with him on his bed. Xiumin was even holding hands with the guy.
Enraged, Lu Han barged in and was introduced to Kris.
+
‘Kris?’ Xiumin gasped, looking up at the handsome man before him. He couldn’t believe his eyes; it had been so long since he last saw him.
Barely containing his joy, the man rushed him, before stopping short at the side of the bed. ‘Ge!’
Reaching out, Xiumin pulled his step brother down into his embrace. After he and his parents became estranged, they made the brothers cut off all contact with each other. Xiumin missed his brother dearly, but he would not purposely further anger his parents if he could.
‘How are you doing? How are mum and dad? How did you find me?’ Xiumin wiped his brother’s tears as he rattled off question after question.
Kris had seen Xiumin in the hospital while visiting a friend, but could not catch him in time. It took a while to ask around the hospital, and he was worried when he found out Xiumin was in an accident. Sniffling and laughing at the same time, he was relieved to find that Xiumin looked okay. Snuggling his face into his elder brother’s neck, he murmured. ‘I missed you so much, Ge.’
Shifting to make room for him, Xiumin told him to climb onto the bed with him. They were catching up when Xiumin started crying while explaining the decision he had to make soon. Kris could not stop his tears then, he just got his brother back but now he may lose him again.
The both of them were on their second box of tissues when Xiumin, looking at his brother, suddenly knew what to do. Smiling sadly to himself, he realised he could write his own Korean drama and make sure Lu Han was spared as much pain as possible.
Xiumin convinced his unwilling brother into his plan, citing Korean drama examples which really should be funny, but this was real life and Xiumin did really have the chance of not waking up anymore.
They were ready when Lu Han arrived.
+
Lu Han faltered when he found out that it was Kris on the bed with Xiumin. Recovering his senses, the first question he asked was directed to Lu Han. ‘You remember him?’
Grimacing at Xiumin’s nod, he probed further but was sorely disappointed to find out Xiumin still did not remember him. Kris was certainly tall and good looking, his clothes and shoes were impeccably expensive and most importantly, Xiumin remembered him and not Lu Han. What should he do now? He tried to think optimistically and decided to first find out more about Kris.
‘We’re…’ Kris started.
‘High school sweethearts!’ Xiumin interjected, sharing a meaningful look with Kris.
Disbelieving, Lu Han settled in the visitor’s chair as Kris sat on the bed with Xiumin. The chatter around him buzzed in the busy hospital ward but he could not hear anything, he was staring enviously at the couple. Lu Han could feel his heart breaking as he watched Xiumin and Kris interacting. They could not stop touching each other, every time they caught each other’s eye while talking, they would smile and keep eye contact for as long as possible.
Xiumin was never that touchy with him, there was the occasional snuggling or goodbye kiss but Xiumin never, never did all that with him. Xiumin didn’t like public displays of affection, always brushing Lu Han off whenever they were in public with a glare that said behave yourself or you’ll get it when we get home.
Lu Han could not bear to stay in the same room as them for more than ten minutes, deciding to abruptly leave the room. He missed the look of longing and sadness Xiumin directed at his retreating back.
‘Don’t you think we overdid it, Ge?’ Kris asked, tentatively as he ran his fingers through his hair.
‘It needs to be done.’ Xiumin choked out, before turning to hide his sobs in his brother’s chest.
+
Two weeks after he left the hospital, he reentered it with his brother at his side. He told the doctors to pull the plug on him if he became a vegetable as he did not want to be anyone’s burden but luckily for him, the blood clots were removed successfully. Unfortunately, he lost some of his motor skills and had to relearn them. Kris was with him every step of the way, taking care of him and being patient and helping him. When Xiumin was finally ready, Kris brought him to Lu Han and explained everything. Lu Han cried and scolded him, but in the end revealed that he was always hoping Xiumin would come back to him, he would always be waiting for him.
Author’s note: To my recipient, I had too much to drink and ran away with your prompt, but I still hope you like this! Shoutout to my beta A who is going through a really hard time now. Thanks for holding my hand when I should be holding yours. To the mod, that you for being so understanding! <3