sleepless
sleepless
PG; Yunho/Junsu; romance, fluff
Dong Bang Shin Ki is Yunho's dream.
For kayjayloves , long overdue. I love you so much. 8) (I didn't do my confession of love today. ♥) Get better asap okay!
Also, I noticed, while writing this, that "looking" sounds less voyeuristic than "watching".
And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
May, put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May, do you wanna get married
Or run away
1.
Dong Bang Shin Ki is Yunho's dream.
Dong Bang Shin Ki gives Yunho not only a reason to be (he has enough of those - his parents, his family, his friends, his other family made out of his friends -), but just... a reason. It's a little hard to explain. He doesn't really think about it because it's just one of those things that come like breathing. Because this - this thing, this reason he has, Dong Bang Shin Ki - it doesn't need to be explained. It just is.
2.
Junsu is Yunho's dream, too.
Junsu is sweet and boyish and smiles too much. Yunho thinks about him too much, too. Yunho thinks about what a great companion Junsu is, about what a great colleague Junsu is, and about what a great friend Junsu is. Yunho looks at Junsu and wonders what it would be like to kiss him until he forgets how to breathe and until he leaves a little bit of himself in Junsu's arms (and a third of himself on Junsu's lips and just a little more than half on Junsu's heart).
Yunho looks at Junsu and wonders if Junsu looks at him, too. He wonders if this fascination is right or healthy (thinks that he might not care either way, and it's this thought that scares him, just a little).
3.
Junsu catches Yunho, sometimes, when he's looking at Junsu. He's not angry, not really. At first, there is amusement, teasing jokes, laughter at Yunho about how you're in love with me, Yunho, you totally are! (Yunho feels a little sick because Junsu's just kidding and Yunho's heart is cracked through without him.)
Then it's a little more curious, a little more weary, and Junsu's always been kind of slow, but Yunho thinks that one day he might catch on completely. Yunho doesn't know how to feel about it, because he's not sure if this curious, weary look holds acceptance, too. He's scared that it doesn't.
(It doesn't. Yunho dreams about Junsu finding out, about Junsu pale and more than just weary, and about how Yunho's love wears him down, burns him deep under his skin, into the marrow of his bones, until he is just a shell of himself. In the dream, Junsu won't sing. Junsu can't sing because Yunho's love is too strong or too weak, because it isn't enough. Junsu can't sing. Yunho wakes up and doesn't cry.)
4.
Yunho's never been much of a dreamer.
Yunho likes how Junsu sings in the morning, e minor and all ballads, and how it makes Yunho feel at peace. Yunho likes the curve of Junsu's jaw, and even though Jaejoong knows him inside and out, soul and heart, Yunho thinks that there is no possible way even Jaejoong can know that Yunho thinks too much about Junsu. Jaejoong might know about some of it, but he can't know about how Yunho wants to feel Junsu's chest against his hands as it vibrates when he sings or talks, and how Yunho wants to pull his hands through Junsu's hair, tug on the rough strands so it almost hurts. Jaejoong can't know about how sometimes Yunho feels nothing when Junsu's not there and how sometimes he feels too much when Junsu is there (and how then Yunho has to bury his heart somewhere near his feet so it won't hurt Junsu).
Yunho thinks that Jaejoong might know when Jaejoong confronts him one day, tells him that this is bordering obsession and please, Yunho, please. Please what? Yunho wants to ask. He doesn't, though, because maybe he does know what Jaejoong is saying. He wishes he could tell Jaejoong that he can't undo this. Love is hard to undo, Jaejoong. It might be love. I'm scared that it's love.
5.
Even though Yunho's never been much of a dreamer, there are certain dreams that he can never get rid of.
There is a day when Yunho is left alone in the apartment with Junsu. The others are gone out to watch a movie, go to the Han River, something like that. It's not really a big deal because it's not as though they haven't been alone before. It might be a big deal when Junsu comes into Yunho's room and sits down on Jaejoong's bed. He says that they need to talk. Yunho doesn't know what to say.
"Yunho," says Junsu, looking down into his lap and playing with his hands. Yunho was lying on his bed, reading; he sits up and puts his book down. "Yunho, is something - is something wrong? I feel like... we don't talk anymore." Junsu looks up, and there's a certain hope in his face, like he's hoping that Yunho can make things better. Yunho wants to say, love is hard to undo. I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry," he says, feeling numb. "I haven't been well lately." This isn't them. They don't talk like strangers. They're talking like strangers anyway.
"I know," says Junsu. He looks at Yunho like he is seeing through Yunho's heart, and Yunho's heart crumbles like a sand castle because Yunho feels like he's been overrun by water. "I know, Yunho." What do you know? Yunho wants to say, no, you don't know anything.
"Okay," Yunho says instead, this time the one to look at his lap. "I'll go back to my book then." He should send Junsu away. He can't say anything stupid, like I'm alone. Please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me.
"Yunho. Yunho," says Junsu, very quietly. "I said I know." Junsu is really looking at Yunho, and it's that crazy wave that's crashing over Yunho again, that crazy wave of deliria that Junsu puts him into. Yunho doesn't know when he moves, but then he's on the other side of the room, in front of Junsu, next to Junsu, kissing Junsu. It's just a soft press of the lips, and Yunho is more scared than he was when they debuted. Yunho is more scared than he has ever been.
6.
Junsu kisses him back.
(7.
Junsu is the biggest dreamer Yunho knows, and on a sleepy August night, when they are entwined on the couch doing nothing but pretending to watch television to be together, Junsu confesses his biggest secret and hands Yunho the rest of his heart at last. Yunho is Junsu's dream, too.)
PG; Yunho/Junsu; romance, fluff
Dong Bang Shin Ki is Yunho's dream.
For kayjayloves , long overdue. I love you so much. 8) (I didn't do my confession of love today. ♥) Get better asap okay!
Also, I noticed, while writing this, that "looking" sounds less voyeuristic than "watching".
And I'll do anything you ever
Dreamed to be complete
Little pieces of the nothing that fall
May, put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
May, do you wanna get married
Or run away
1.
Dong Bang Shin Ki is Yunho's dream.
Dong Bang Shin Ki gives Yunho not only a reason to be (he has enough of those - his parents, his family, his friends, his other family made out of his friends -), but just... a reason. It's a little hard to explain. He doesn't really think about it because it's just one of those things that come like breathing. Because this - this thing, this reason he has, Dong Bang Shin Ki - it doesn't need to be explained. It just is.
2.
Junsu is Yunho's dream, too.
Junsu is sweet and boyish and smiles too much. Yunho thinks about him too much, too. Yunho thinks about what a great companion Junsu is, about what a great colleague Junsu is, and about what a great friend Junsu is. Yunho looks at Junsu and wonders what it would be like to kiss him until he forgets how to breathe and until he leaves a little bit of himself in Junsu's arms (and a third of himself on Junsu's lips and just a little more than half on Junsu's heart).
Yunho looks at Junsu and wonders if Junsu looks at him, too. He wonders if this fascination is right or healthy (thinks that he might not care either way, and it's this thought that scares him, just a little).
3.
Junsu catches Yunho, sometimes, when he's looking at Junsu. He's not angry, not really. At first, there is amusement, teasing jokes, laughter at Yunho about how you're in love with me, Yunho, you totally are! (Yunho feels a little sick because Junsu's just kidding and Yunho's heart is cracked through without him.)
Then it's a little more curious, a little more weary, and Junsu's always been kind of slow, but Yunho thinks that one day he might catch on completely. Yunho doesn't know how to feel about it, because he's not sure if this curious, weary look holds acceptance, too. He's scared that it doesn't.
(It doesn't. Yunho dreams about Junsu finding out, about Junsu pale and more than just weary, and about how Yunho's love wears him down, burns him deep under his skin, into the marrow of his bones, until he is just a shell of himself. In the dream, Junsu won't sing. Junsu can't sing because Yunho's love is too strong or too weak, because it isn't enough. Junsu can't sing. Yunho wakes up and doesn't cry.)
4.
Yunho's never been much of a dreamer.
Yunho likes how Junsu sings in the morning, e minor and all ballads, and how it makes Yunho feel at peace. Yunho likes the curve of Junsu's jaw, and even though Jaejoong knows him inside and out, soul and heart, Yunho thinks that there is no possible way even Jaejoong can know that Yunho thinks too much about Junsu. Jaejoong might know about some of it, but he can't know about how Yunho wants to feel Junsu's chest against his hands as it vibrates when he sings or talks, and how Yunho wants to pull his hands through Junsu's hair, tug on the rough strands so it almost hurts. Jaejoong can't know about how sometimes Yunho feels nothing when Junsu's not there and how sometimes he feels too much when Junsu is there (and how then Yunho has to bury his heart somewhere near his feet so it won't hurt Junsu).
Yunho thinks that Jaejoong might know when Jaejoong confronts him one day, tells him that this is bordering obsession and please, Yunho, please. Please what? Yunho wants to ask. He doesn't, though, because maybe he does know what Jaejoong is saying. He wishes he could tell Jaejoong that he can't undo this. Love is hard to undo, Jaejoong. It might be love. I'm scared that it's love.
5.
Even though Yunho's never been much of a dreamer, there are certain dreams that he can never get rid of.
There is a day when Yunho is left alone in the apartment with Junsu. The others are gone out to watch a movie, go to the Han River, something like that. It's not really a big deal because it's not as though they haven't been alone before. It might be a big deal when Junsu comes into Yunho's room and sits down on Jaejoong's bed. He says that they need to talk. Yunho doesn't know what to say.
"Yunho," says Junsu, looking down into his lap and playing with his hands. Yunho was lying on his bed, reading; he sits up and puts his book down. "Yunho, is something - is something wrong? I feel like... we don't talk anymore." Junsu looks up, and there's a certain hope in his face, like he's hoping that Yunho can make things better. Yunho wants to say, love is hard to undo. I'm sorry.
"I'm sorry," he says, feeling numb. "I haven't been well lately." This isn't them. They don't talk like strangers. They're talking like strangers anyway.
"I know," says Junsu. He looks at Yunho like he is seeing through Yunho's heart, and Yunho's heart crumbles like a sand castle because Yunho feels like he's been overrun by water. "I know, Yunho." What do you know? Yunho wants to say, no, you don't know anything.
"Okay," Yunho says instead, this time the one to look at his lap. "I'll go back to my book then." He should send Junsu away. He can't say anything stupid, like I'm alone. Please don't leave me. Please don't ever leave me.
"Yunho. Yunho," says Junsu, very quietly. "I said I know." Junsu is really looking at Yunho, and it's that crazy wave that's crashing over Yunho again, that crazy wave of deliria that Junsu puts him into. Yunho doesn't know when he moves, but then he's on the other side of the room, in front of Junsu, next to Junsu, kissing Junsu. It's just a soft press of the lips, and Yunho is more scared than he was when they debuted. Yunho is more scared than he has ever been.
6.
Junsu kisses him back.
(7.
Junsu is the biggest dreamer Yunho knows, and on a sleepy August night, when they are entwined on the couch doing nothing but pretending to watch television to be together, Junsu confesses his biggest secret and hands Yunho the rest of his heart at last. Yunho is Junsu's dream, too.)