Olympic Crackfic: Dancing With Wolves
Dancing With Wolves
by Anonymous minnow_53
Disclaimer: The characters belong to JK Rowling, but the Olympics belong to all of us. I think.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus and Sirius ice-dancing at the same-sex Olympics.
Genre: I don’t know if this even qualifies as crack. Street crack, perhaps, cut with chalk.
Blame: nessa_owen, who forced me to write it.
Thanks: To astra_argentea for reading through. She didn’t actually need to say ‘There are few things as bad as this,’ but she did. :(
On my journal, and now crossposted to remusxsirius and two_boys.
Dancing With Wolves
There was a collective gasp from the Olympic audience as same-sex couple number 37 glided on to the ice.
Even the two beautiful girls who had just enthralled the judges with their leaps and twizzles could not compare to the manly grace of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, skating in bronze medal position.
Remus, the slightly-built blonde, was wearing a lovely dress of pale gold, to enhance his almost leonine colouring. It was a masculine dress, severe in line but with enough fluidity to allow him to move as easily on the ice with his partner as they moved in bed. Or presumably did: rumour had it that this wasn’t a partnership of convenience, as the pair were totally in love.
Sirius, the taller man, had dark hair and glowing grey eyes; he was a picture in his one-piece silver Spandex suit, glittering with sequins. A leather-studded dog collar completed the ensemble.
They twirled round to the strains of The Skaters’ Waltz, performing double Axels and triple Lutzes here and there, landing gracefully on one foot every time. Of course, they were always in unison. Remus daringly went for a quadruple Salchow; his finish was perfect, and when Sirius lifted him with one hand and did a Camel Spin, the audience applauded so loudly that they drowned out the music. Several women fainted, and men rose to their feet, shouting, ‘Hurrah!’
Sirius, put off his stroke, stumbled slightly, but didn’t fall. He and Remus bowed to the audience and went to await their marks.
‘Pity we blew the short programme,’ Remus said gloomily as he put on his skate-guards. ‘We could be in for a chance at the gold otherwise.’
‘If you hadn’t sneezed...’ Sirius grumbled.
‘Well, you didn’t need to drop me!’
They glared at each other indignantly, then laughed, and kissed long and languorously while the cameras were off them. Their trainers, Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore, rolled their eyes and made vomiting noises, but the two skaters ignored them.
When the marks came up on the screen, Sirius had his wand out at the ready, but fortunately he didn’t need to use it: the scores were perfect.
Naturally, the Russian men’s pair won, though they were not nearly as wonderful to watch as Remus and Sirius. All the same, Yevtushenko was very fetching in his felt skating skirt and feathered headress.
But the two wizards did get the silver medal, and the bronze went to the twizzling women. Remus hastily swallowed a protective potion so the silver wouldn't trigger his werewolf allergy.
As they stood on the podium hand in hand, Remus and Sirius looked like gods come down from another planet. ‘I adore you,’ Sirius mouthed, as the medals were slipped over their heads. ‘Promise you'll never find another ice-dancing partner.’
‘I promise,’ Remus breathed huskily, and a thousand flashbulbs captured the poignant moment for all eternity...
End
by Anonymous minnow_53
Disclaimer: The characters belong to JK Rowling, but the Olympics belong to all of us. I think.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus and Sirius ice-dancing at the same-sex Olympics.
Genre: I don’t know if this even qualifies as crack. Street crack, perhaps, cut with chalk.
Blame: nessa_owen, who forced me to write it.
Thanks: To astra_argentea for reading through. She didn’t actually need to say ‘There are few things as bad as this,’ but she did. :(
On my journal, and now crossposted to remusxsirius and two_boys.
Dancing With Wolves
There was a collective gasp from the Olympic audience as same-sex couple number 37 glided on to the ice.
Even the two beautiful girls who had just enthralled the judges with their leaps and twizzles could not compare to the manly grace of Remus Lupin and Sirius Black, skating in bronze medal position.
Remus, the slightly-built blonde, was wearing a lovely dress of pale gold, to enhance his almost leonine colouring. It was a masculine dress, severe in line but with enough fluidity to allow him to move as easily on the ice with his partner as they moved in bed. Or presumably did: rumour had it that this wasn’t a partnership of convenience, as the pair were totally in love.
Sirius, the taller man, had dark hair and glowing grey eyes; he was a picture in his one-piece silver Spandex suit, glittering with sequins. A leather-studded dog collar completed the ensemble.
They twirled round to the strains of The Skaters’ Waltz, performing double Axels and triple Lutzes here and there, landing gracefully on one foot every time. Of course, they were always in unison. Remus daringly went for a quadruple Salchow; his finish was perfect, and when Sirius lifted him with one hand and did a Camel Spin, the audience applauded so loudly that they drowned out the music. Several women fainted, and men rose to their feet, shouting, ‘Hurrah!’
Sirius, put off his stroke, stumbled slightly, but didn’t fall. He and Remus bowed to the audience and went to await their marks.
‘Pity we blew the short programme,’ Remus said gloomily as he put on his skate-guards. ‘We could be in for a chance at the gold otherwise.’
‘If you hadn’t sneezed...’ Sirius grumbled.
‘Well, you didn’t need to drop me!’
They glared at each other indignantly, then laughed, and kissed long and languorously while the cameras were off them. Their trainers, Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore, rolled their eyes and made vomiting noises, but the two skaters ignored them.
When the marks came up on the screen, Sirius had his wand out at the ready, but fortunately he didn’t need to use it: the scores were perfect.
Naturally, the Russian men’s pair won, though they were not nearly as wonderful to watch as Remus and Sirius. All the same, Yevtushenko was very fetching in his felt skating skirt and feathered headress.
But the two wizards did get the silver medal, and the bronze went to the twizzling women. Remus hastily swallowed a protective potion so the silver wouldn't trigger his werewolf allergy.
As they stood on the podium hand in hand, Remus and Sirius looked like gods come down from another planet. ‘I adore you,’ Sirius mouthed, as the medals were slipped over their heads. ‘Promise you'll never find another ice-dancing partner.’
‘I promise,’ Remus breathed huskily, and a thousand flashbulbs captured the poignant moment for all eternity...
End