A new assignment.
Who: Miniyal and B'rok
Where: Weyrlingmaster's office
When: Late morning on day 16, month 1, turn 4 of the 7th Pass.
What: Miniyal officially becomes A Project. And responds to it without having a fit. Yes, I know. It was a surprise to me as well.
7/12/2007
At High Reaches Weyr, it is 11:34 on day 16, month 1, turn 4 of the 7th Pass.
The door to the Weyrlingmaster's door is open and it reveals a cacophony of papers and hides strewn everywhere. Somewhere in the middle of it is a desk, and B'rok is sitting at it humming absolutely tunelessly. To the point that even insects have taken refuge.
Into the mess comes. . .well. . .a mess. A mess by the name of Miniyal who was told to come here after all. So, she appears in the door and knocks twice. "Excuse me, sir? Umm. I was told to come see you." If she sounds puzzled it is only because she hasn't done anything wrong lately and so is unsure why exactly she's been summoned. It's usually just to be yelled at after all.
B'rok stops humming. For Miniyal's sake, really. He hops to his feet and cheerfully gestures towards the chair opposite of the desk. He only has to take a few seconds, just a few, to brush the detritus of his work from it. "Have a seat, Weyrling. And please, don't look so apprehensive. You're not in trouble." He takes his seat and stretches out his legs, looking across the desk at her. "Would you like to help me? I have some things that need to be done, and I think that your talents would be perfect for it. It's a little bit of extra work, but.... I would appreciate it. It isn't an order, though. I could use some administrative help, as you can see. I'm a wingrider, not an administrator."
With an invitation to enter that is just what Miniyal does. Before she sits in the chair she remembers to salute. Barely remembers and then she is seated with her hands folded in her lap. Despite his first words she still looks apprehensive which is, at least, something of an improvement over the last few months where she never looked like she had any sort emotions left at all. "Umm. Like hidework? I could help with that I guess." She looks at the desk and tilts her head over to one side. "Do you have a system in place, sir?"
B'rok smiles at Miniyal conspiratorially. "Well." He begins. "When I get something, if it is about supplies I throw it in that corner. If it is something to do with a Weyrling I try to leave it on the desk. If it is something to do with old lesson plans, I throw them behind the door. And if it is grumblings from the Weyr Leadership I usually throw it on the floor." His arms cross. "I guess it isn't a very good system, but I try to at least stick to doing the same thing." Though his arms are crossed, his hands gesticulate. "The reason I want you, is because I went down to the records room today to see what you had been doing. It's impressive, and I think you're on to something big with it. I'm about reaching the point of boiling over here, and I think I need expert hands to help. Like I said though, it's not an order and I won't be upset with you or treat you any differently if you say no. That said, do you /want/ to do it?" Extra emphasis is placed on the want.
Miniyal looks around the room without saying anything further. She takes in the desk and everything else and her nose wrinkles just a wee little bit. She is, after all, just a wee bit on this side of obsessive compulsive when it comes to such things. "How do you find things?" It is an echo of a question she has asked in the past. It is, after all, an important question. "Although I cannot think of a way to improve on any item that comes from the Weyrleader. Well, burning perhaps."
B'rok smiles a little further. "I use a very logical system, Miniyal. For example. I received a receipt for a request for more firestone a sevenday ago. It is in that corner over there, and because it is a sevenday ago is probably halfway down the pile. I'm left handed and didn't really read it, so it's probably in the right side." When the Weyrleader is mentioned, the Weyrlingmaster finds himself adjusting his eyepatch with a vengeance. He can't quite seem to get it right and comfortable for nearly a minute. "The Weyrleader is... the Weyrleader. We do as we are told." And then he changes the subject. Zoom! "I would have proper filing and storage materials brought in, for you?"
Miniyal frowns just a little and looks in a corner. "Ummm. Right. Well, it doesn't look too bad. I mean, A couple of days is all it would take." Another little frown and she refocuses on the weyrlingmaster. "Well, some of us don't. Which is where the problem arises. Still, there are worse positions to be in than this one, sir." If he doesn't wish to allow the weyrleader to remain in the conversation she is the last one to try to keep him there. So, he is dismissed without a thought. "I would need to know what sort of. . I mean, it would be easy for me to arrange things to make sense to me, but I would need to know what sort of filing system you wanted, sir." Pausing she pushes hair from her eyes and then drops her hand again to twist at her ring. "Umm. Why are you really doing this?" No ulterior motive? That sort of thing doesn't exist in her world.
B'rok looks at Miniyal with an honest and a deadpan expression. "Because I need the help, primarily. And because, I admire the work you did. You are the best person who I can ask." There is complete honesty in his tone. "I'd very much like your help. If you are in agreement, we can go over the filing system later before you start. There are a few other things that we need to talk about today once we get this little bit of business squared away."
"I guess I could at least help you get organized. It's much easier to keep things organized once they are sorted out." Miniyal pauses again and looks down at her hands. Well, not so much pauses as stops. Because there are 'other things' to discuss so she's instantly nervous once more. Around and around the ring goes on her finger. She just waits to see what's wrong now.
B'rok shows no signs of a bad moon rising. "Thank you. I will get you to do a little bit today. We can discuss it later. The first other bit of business is, you'll notice that I pulled you from being Assistant Weyrlingmaster Issa's own assistant. You don't need to report to her for that duty anymore. The other and most important bit of business concerns the extra duties that you have been assigned, as well as the various disciplinary 'efforts' that are ongoing concerning you at the moment." Pausing for effect, he looks at her very seriously. "As of this moment, you are relieved from them. You are on the same status as every other Weyrling. Past transgressions have been forgotten."
Miniyal's head comes up and she blinks once. "Oh. Umm. Why?" If there is a hint of suspicion in her tone it will just have to be excused. Or not, but there it is. "Sorry, sir. I'm just not exactly sure what your angle is here. Umm. No offense. I mean, you know." She has the decency at least to look a little embarrassed. Not much, but a little. And although she tries not to sound too curious about all of this it is her nature and she can't quite /not/ sound curious about what is going on.
B'rok shrugs. "Because I disagree with D'ven and Issa's methods." He says. "They were not benefiting you. You may forget, the goal of punishing someone is to improve them. Not solely to make their lives miserable. Please do not make me wrong, at least. At least, try somewhat to behave." The corners of his mouth flit upwards a small amount to make it seen, though subtly that he is making humor with the try to behave. "Skrath spoke to Peloth at length today. He says that she has a good head on her shoulders."
At the mention of her dragon there is a tiny groan and down goes Miniyal's head again. "Stupid brat." When she looks back up again there is a faint flicker of a smile as she shakes her head. Likely for the brat in question. "I am trying, sir." To behave. She doesn't bother to clarify. "I don't think- I mean, to be fair, sir, I don't think their goal was to make me miserable. I mean, that's not what- Well, anyway. I know I'm not, you know, the best example of anything, but I've learned everything that has been taught."
B'rok splays his fingertips against themselves, each finger resting to its opposite. "Of course it wasn't. But, I remember how I felt as a Weyrling. It is good to be reminded, occasionally, that the staff are not out to get you." He stops talking so that he can think for a few seconds. "I don't think that you are given much credit for the things that you do well. The records room, for example. People just tend to assume that you are good at doing it. Though, that is a compliment in and of itself." He leans into the chair, crossing his arms. "Are you miserable, Miniyal? Please be honest."
Miniyal chews on her lower lip and keeps her head tilted up just enough so it doesn't look completely like she's avoiding eye contact. Which she is, but it doesn't seem like it exactly so that makes it ok. "I'm really good with records. I guess it's like a trade off since I am so horrid with people." Her shoulders shrug as she drops the pretense of looking anywhere but at her hands so she can watch her ring twist around her finger. "I'm not- I'm not miserable, sir. I'm just, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it."
B'rok nods and for a moment his face shows that he understands. "People are difficult, Miniyal. I understand. It is like flying thread, or doing records. Both of them you can see what is coming and you can predict them. The numbers add a certain way, the fall comes a certain way. You approach both from a certain angle with a particular procedure. But people are like neither. Unpredictable, likely to do things you didn't see. Sometimes little things you do affect them adversely, and you can't understand why someone reacted the way they did. You can't tell if people are being honest or not and it's hard to trust your instinct. It's not black and white anymore, there is no clear cut course. And it's hard, I think. At least for me, sometimes." He unclasps his fingers and gestures outwards towards her with both hands. "Try to explain it?" He rises, pushing the door closed. "What is said in here, stays in here."
"I can figure people out. I mean, most of them. I just can't /deal/ with them. I know I have to. And I try, I really do, but it's like there is this preconceived notion of why I do everything." Clasping her hands together to stop the nervous fiddling Miniyal looks up to watch the door being closed. "Sir, I just- Every time I do something I get told I did it wrong. I mean, anything I do on my own is wrong. I keep getting told that I'm supposed to be a future leader of the Weyr and then those same people turn around and smack me when I try to do something that's important. I don't see where sitting around and not doing anything but lessons the whole time I am a weyrling does anything for me, but make be that much farther behind on things once I do graduate. It's not like I am at the bottom of the class or anything." Biting her lip she kicks at the floor since she's stopped twisting her ring. "I'm not. . .It's just I don't want things to be like they are. I know I have no choice. But I still. . .No one would understand."
B'rok nods, understandingly again. "It's still not easy. Plus, people have this problem of completely proving one wrong when you think you have them all figured out. Happens to me, now and again." He pays very good attention to what she says, leaning on his elbows in the mess on the desk while he does. "Doing nothing but lessons the entire time does nothing for you." He says, quietly. "That is the real purpose for the extra time allotted at the end of every day. Where I've been pulling bronzeriders out for extra lessons in wing commanding. I would like to send you to Weyrwoman Roa for a time each day, but she is still convalescing."
He opens up the desk drawer to pull out a bottle, and a glass. "Let me tell you a little story, Miniyal." The glass is filled and he takes a drink of it. "Once upon a time, there was a boy who decided that he wanted to be a dragonrider. Because his parents were. But everyone said you don't want to be a dragonrider, and he listened to them and felt silly about it. So he joined what was the start of ground crews. Thread wasn't falling yet then, and everyone thought he was too eager to do things. They told him to excel at what he did, and whenever he figured out a way to do something better than before he was smacked and told it was no good because people were resistant to change and resistant to the perceived notion that someone with new ideas is muscling in on their turf. He got very tired of it, and was quite dispirited to the point that he did not want to go on. He was miserable because people said he didn't know anything. Time went on, and then the boy impressed a bronze dragon."
"And as thread got closer and people started to panic, he was asked to go and train the ground crews of Lord and Lady Holders in his new ideas and he realized that there wasn't anything wrong with his methods, but that people's insecurity made them instinctively react badly to something that they regarded as important... even if they didn't want to do it themselves. It was just politics, and people are notoriously uncomfortable about their positions." He opens his hands again, to gesture outwardly. "I keep telling you, that you will be a leader soon. And while there are some things that you still need to learn.... everything changes, once you are in that position. But part of learning to be a leader is putting aside feelings we have for those people. That..." He pauses, lowering his voice. "Doesn't make the hurt and confusion any easier though, sometimes. But it does explain it a little."
While the talking part of conversation doesn't always go well for her, Miniyal has the listening part down pretty good. Other than the occasional kick of one boot against the floor she doesn't move and she watches him as he speaks. It's an almost unnerving sort of stare she uses, but at least she does seem to be listening and paying attention. "It's just what is important to me is not necessarily important to anyone else, sir. And I can't stop it from being important just because no one else sees it that way. And I can't sit around and wait for permission to act all the time. I know I can't be like I was before. I know it's not just my reputation anymore, but the Weyr's as well. But if an opportunity presents itself I can't /not/ take it. And if people get mad then they get mad. It's not like I haven't had people mad at me before." Fingers twitch here and she stops to unlace them from each other to return to the previous worrying of her ring. "Gans told me once that just because something I wanted to do would get me in trouble didn't mean I shouldn't do it. That I should get in trouble. If something is important than you /have/ to do it. You can't just. . .sit still. That's just as bad as doing something wrong. Not trying to fix something, I mean."
Skrath was not bothered by Peloth's scrutiny, and B'rok sits confidently in Miniyal's. He tells his story quietly and when he is done, he shuts up so that the Weyrling can speak. "Of course. No good leader ever sat quietly through a Weyrlinghood or any form of education and did not ask questions or push the rules. That is just how things are. The quiet ones who sit and follow every single rule to the letter and never once speak out are those without ambition and will always be followers. You can look around you and see that in your wing now. Getting caught is part of that and eventually you either learn better ways to go about it, or the ability to disguise your actions better. It is sort of like parenting, I guess, this position. If I were responsible for raising a young child who followed my every instruction, I would think that there was something wrong with them. At the same time, if I catch you in something I have to punish you because that is how things work, but I understand. That is the reason I lifted the restrictions from you. There comes a time where there is just too much." He looks down at the desk, his eye wandering across the many-pitted surface of the ancient wood.
"G'thon was correct to tell you that. One of the most important things that I teach my bronzeriders is, when an emergency comes that you have to make a decision. Don't worry about weather or not it is the correct decision, if you make an error you make an error. The important thing is that the decision was made at the time."
B'rok adds. "This sounds a little odd coming from someone who's job it is to bust you when you do these sorts of things, but try to understand my shoes. I am wanting you to know how my beliefs are different."
There are plenty of responses she could give to all of that. In days past she could have gone on for hours on just one sentence. If she had desired to. However, it is not days past and while her mind goes through all of the responses she might offer she comes up with a simple one. Just a few words that sum things up quite nicely at the moment. "I miss him."
The Weyrlingmaster's own reply is very short too. He asks a question in a soft, careful tone. "Have you really been letting yourself miss him, Miniyal?" His speaking is below conversational level, and there is not a tiny bit of agression or anything negative in his voice.
"I'm not the sort of person who has an emotional breakdown over. . .whatever." Ok, well, so it's a small little fib. But, close enough to the truth for Miniyal right now. Stopping any motion of her ring she folds her hands tightly together and looks up and in the general vicinity of the weyrlingmaster. "Everyone- I mean, I just have to keep going. Everyone was watching me like they expected me to just lose it completely or to flounder because he wasn't telling me what to do and I couldn't give anyone cause to say it. And then- after." It hardly needs be said what after. There is really only one after he died. "Like I shouldn't still love him just because of what he did. Like it should overshadow everything else. I don't agree with what he did. I hate what he did. But I don't hate him."
"Hardly whatever." B'rok interjects this before she looks up with the second bit. "It must have taken a lot of strength not to show weakness these last months. To your fellow Weyrlings, or to anyone else." With his fingernail, he scratches carefully at one of the pits in the desk. It sends little grating sounds around the room. "Some say that it wasn't G'thon that did it. Or Ganathon. That it was the shock and anger of losing Hirth that made him do it. There are a few who don't like you, but there are a few too who say that he was his happiest with you. That you stopped him from becoming something even worse, and made him G'thon again. There are two sides to every opinion, you know."
"It wasn't-" Now he gets some small real emotion, sure it's anger, but still. It doesn't last and instead she clears her throat and tries again more calmly. "The Masterharper said that it wasn't because of Hirth. And he knew him a long time. I trust his opinion." Miniyal's words come to an end as she taps one foot on the floor. "It's just that. . .Sorry, anyway. It's not important, sir."
"Then I will trust the Masterharper's opinion as well." He says, quietly. "It would be nice to know what actually happened. G'thon and I shared a rough time together, as 'riders. Figuring out the fall, watching people getting killed around us." He stops talking though, and gestures. "I am sorry as well. Please. It's just that...?"
With a quiet sigh the tapping of her foot stops. "I wish I knew." Which is an easier way of saying that it drives her crazy not knowing. "Nothing, sir. Was there anything else you wished to discuss?" And just like that Miniyal slams the door on the conversation from before. Yep. No more.
B'rok shakes his head slowly. "No." He says. "That would be all. Come and see me later today and we will discuss the filing. Only the filing." It is a little add so that she can not worry. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me today. You are dismissed when you want to leave."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Rising up from her chair she finds a salute and then steps around the chair. Miniyal tucks her hair back behind her ears as she heads for the door. Once there she opens it and pauses. "I don't think anyone who gets this job wants it, sir. I mean, if you look back historically. Most tend to see it as some sort of step back or something. I don't know if that is the case with you or not. I just, you know? I don't think you should see it that way. When you do you miss out on things. Just look at all the turns the dumb ass wasted." Ahem. Likely she means R'vain. Likely she doesn't need to be calling the Weyrleader that in front of someone she doesn't know. But, she does so anyway. With even a tiny little smile to go with it. Very tiny. Then she slips out the door.
If the Weyrlingmaster has a reply to Miniyal about his being placed in this position, it is hidden behind the nod and half smile that he gives her on her away out. And the adjustment of his eyepatch.
Where: Weyrlingmaster's office
When: Late morning on day 16, month 1, turn 4 of the 7th Pass.
What: Miniyal officially becomes A Project. And responds to it without having a fit. Yes, I know. It was a surprise to me as well.
7/12/2007
At High Reaches Weyr, it is 11:34 on day 16, month 1, turn 4 of the 7th Pass.
The door to the Weyrlingmaster's door is open and it reveals a cacophony of papers and hides strewn everywhere. Somewhere in the middle of it is a desk, and B'rok is sitting at it humming absolutely tunelessly. To the point that even insects have taken refuge.
Into the mess comes. . .well. . .a mess. A mess by the name of Miniyal who was told to come here after all. So, she appears in the door and knocks twice. "Excuse me, sir? Umm. I was told to come see you." If she sounds puzzled it is only because she hasn't done anything wrong lately and so is unsure why exactly she's been summoned. It's usually just to be yelled at after all.
B'rok stops humming. For Miniyal's sake, really. He hops to his feet and cheerfully gestures towards the chair opposite of the desk. He only has to take a few seconds, just a few, to brush the detritus of his work from it. "Have a seat, Weyrling. And please, don't look so apprehensive. You're not in trouble." He takes his seat and stretches out his legs, looking across the desk at her. "Would you like to help me? I have some things that need to be done, and I think that your talents would be perfect for it. It's a little bit of extra work, but.... I would appreciate it. It isn't an order, though. I could use some administrative help, as you can see. I'm a wingrider, not an administrator."
With an invitation to enter that is just what Miniyal does. Before she sits in the chair she remembers to salute. Barely remembers and then she is seated with her hands folded in her lap. Despite his first words she still looks apprehensive which is, at least, something of an improvement over the last few months where she never looked like she had any sort emotions left at all. "Umm. Like hidework? I could help with that I guess." She looks at the desk and tilts her head over to one side. "Do you have a system in place, sir?"
B'rok smiles at Miniyal conspiratorially. "Well." He begins. "When I get something, if it is about supplies I throw it in that corner. If it is something to do with a Weyrling I try to leave it on the desk. If it is something to do with old lesson plans, I throw them behind the door. And if it is grumblings from the Weyr Leadership I usually throw it on the floor." His arms cross. "I guess it isn't a very good system, but I try to at least stick to doing the same thing." Though his arms are crossed, his hands gesticulate. "The reason I want you, is because I went down to the records room today to see what you had been doing. It's impressive, and I think you're on to something big with it. I'm about reaching the point of boiling over here, and I think I need expert hands to help. Like I said though, it's not an order and I won't be upset with you or treat you any differently if you say no. That said, do you /want/ to do it?" Extra emphasis is placed on the want.
Miniyal looks around the room without saying anything further. She takes in the desk and everything else and her nose wrinkles just a wee little bit. She is, after all, just a wee bit on this side of obsessive compulsive when it comes to such things. "How do you find things?" It is an echo of a question she has asked in the past. It is, after all, an important question. "Although I cannot think of a way to improve on any item that comes from the Weyrleader. Well, burning perhaps."
B'rok smiles a little further. "I use a very logical system, Miniyal. For example. I received a receipt for a request for more firestone a sevenday ago. It is in that corner over there, and because it is a sevenday ago is probably halfway down the pile. I'm left handed and didn't really read it, so it's probably in the right side." When the Weyrleader is mentioned, the Weyrlingmaster finds himself adjusting his eyepatch with a vengeance. He can't quite seem to get it right and comfortable for nearly a minute. "The Weyrleader is... the Weyrleader. We do as we are told." And then he changes the subject. Zoom! "I would have proper filing and storage materials brought in, for you?"
Miniyal frowns just a little and looks in a corner. "Ummm. Right. Well, it doesn't look too bad. I mean, A couple of days is all it would take." Another little frown and she refocuses on the weyrlingmaster. "Well, some of us don't. Which is where the problem arises. Still, there are worse positions to be in than this one, sir." If he doesn't wish to allow the weyrleader to remain in the conversation she is the last one to try to keep him there. So, he is dismissed without a thought. "I would need to know what sort of. . I mean, it would be easy for me to arrange things to make sense to me, but I would need to know what sort of filing system you wanted, sir." Pausing she pushes hair from her eyes and then drops her hand again to twist at her ring. "Umm. Why are you really doing this?" No ulterior motive? That sort of thing doesn't exist in her world.
B'rok looks at Miniyal with an honest and a deadpan expression. "Because I need the help, primarily. And because, I admire the work you did. You are the best person who I can ask." There is complete honesty in his tone. "I'd very much like your help. If you are in agreement, we can go over the filing system later before you start. There are a few other things that we need to talk about today once we get this little bit of business squared away."
"I guess I could at least help you get organized. It's much easier to keep things organized once they are sorted out." Miniyal pauses again and looks down at her hands. Well, not so much pauses as stops. Because there are 'other things' to discuss so she's instantly nervous once more. Around and around the ring goes on her finger. She just waits to see what's wrong now.
B'rok shows no signs of a bad moon rising. "Thank you. I will get you to do a little bit today. We can discuss it later. The first other bit of business is, you'll notice that I pulled you from being Assistant Weyrlingmaster Issa's own assistant. You don't need to report to her for that duty anymore. The other and most important bit of business concerns the extra duties that you have been assigned, as well as the various disciplinary 'efforts' that are ongoing concerning you at the moment." Pausing for effect, he looks at her very seriously. "As of this moment, you are relieved from them. You are on the same status as every other Weyrling. Past transgressions have been forgotten."
Miniyal's head comes up and she blinks once. "Oh. Umm. Why?" If there is a hint of suspicion in her tone it will just have to be excused. Or not, but there it is. "Sorry, sir. I'm just not exactly sure what your angle is here. Umm. No offense. I mean, you know." She has the decency at least to look a little embarrassed. Not much, but a little. And although she tries not to sound too curious about all of this it is her nature and she can't quite /not/ sound curious about what is going on.
B'rok shrugs. "Because I disagree with D'ven and Issa's methods." He says. "They were not benefiting you. You may forget, the goal of punishing someone is to improve them. Not solely to make their lives miserable. Please do not make me wrong, at least. At least, try somewhat to behave." The corners of his mouth flit upwards a small amount to make it seen, though subtly that he is making humor with the try to behave. "Skrath spoke to Peloth at length today. He says that she has a good head on her shoulders."
At the mention of her dragon there is a tiny groan and down goes Miniyal's head again. "Stupid brat." When she looks back up again there is a faint flicker of a smile as she shakes her head. Likely for the brat in question. "I am trying, sir." To behave. She doesn't bother to clarify. "I don't think- I mean, to be fair, sir, I don't think their goal was to make me miserable. I mean, that's not what- Well, anyway. I know I'm not, you know, the best example of anything, but I've learned everything that has been taught."
B'rok splays his fingertips against themselves, each finger resting to its opposite. "Of course it wasn't. But, I remember how I felt as a Weyrling. It is good to be reminded, occasionally, that the staff are not out to get you." He stops talking so that he can think for a few seconds. "I don't think that you are given much credit for the things that you do well. The records room, for example. People just tend to assume that you are good at doing it. Though, that is a compliment in and of itself." He leans into the chair, crossing his arms. "Are you miserable, Miniyal? Please be honest."
Miniyal chews on her lower lip and keeps her head tilted up just enough so it doesn't look completely like she's avoiding eye contact. Which she is, but it doesn't seem like it exactly so that makes it ok. "I'm really good with records. I guess it's like a trade off since I am so horrid with people." Her shoulders shrug as she drops the pretense of looking anywhere but at her hands so she can watch her ring twist around her finger. "I'm not- I'm not miserable, sir. I'm just, I don't know. I don't know how to explain it."
B'rok nods and for a moment his face shows that he understands. "People are difficult, Miniyal. I understand. It is like flying thread, or doing records. Both of them you can see what is coming and you can predict them. The numbers add a certain way, the fall comes a certain way. You approach both from a certain angle with a particular procedure. But people are like neither. Unpredictable, likely to do things you didn't see. Sometimes little things you do affect them adversely, and you can't understand why someone reacted the way they did. You can't tell if people are being honest or not and it's hard to trust your instinct. It's not black and white anymore, there is no clear cut course. And it's hard, I think. At least for me, sometimes." He unclasps his fingers and gestures outwards towards her with both hands. "Try to explain it?" He rises, pushing the door closed. "What is said in here, stays in here."
"I can figure people out. I mean, most of them. I just can't /deal/ with them. I know I have to. And I try, I really do, but it's like there is this preconceived notion of why I do everything." Clasping her hands together to stop the nervous fiddling Miniyal looks up to watch the door being closed. "Sir, I just- Every time I do something I get told I did it wrong. I mean, anything I do on my own is wrong. I keep getting told that I'm supposed to be a future leader of the Weyr and then those same people turn around and smack me when I try to do something that's important. I don't see where sitting around and not doing anything but lessons the whole time I am a weyrling does anything for me, but make be that much farther behind on things once I do graduate. It's not like I am at the bottom of the class or anything." Biting her lip she kicks at the floor since she's stopped twisting her ring. "I'm not. . .It's just I don't want things to be like they are. I know I have no choice. But I still. . .No one would understand."
B'rok nods, understandingly again. "It's still not easy. Plus, people have this problem of completely proving one wrong when you think you have them all figured out. Happens to me, now and again." He pays very good attention to what she says, leaning on his elbows in the mess on the desk while he does. "Doing nothing but lessons the entire time does nothing for you." He says, quietly. "That is the real purpose for the extra time allotted at the end of every day. Where I've been pulling bronzeriders out for extra lessons in wing commanding. I would like to send you to Weyrwoman Roa for a time each day, but she is still convalescing."
He opens up the desk drawer to pull out a bottle, and a glass. "Let me tell you a little story, Miniyal." The glass is filled and he takes a drink of it. "Once upon a time, there was a boy who decided that he wanted to be a dragonrider. Because his parents were. But everyone said you don't want to be a dragonrider, and he listened to them and felt silly about it. So he joined what was the start of ground crews. Thread wasn't falling yet then, and everyone thought he was too eager to do things. They told him to excel at what he did, and whenever he figured out a way to do something better than before he was smacked and told it was no good because people were resistant to change and resistant to the perceived notion that someone with new ideas is muscling in on their turf. He got very tired of it, and was quite dispirited to the point that he did not want to go on. He was miserable because people said he didn't know anything. Time went on, and then the boy impressed a bronze dragon."
"And as thread got closer and people started to panic, he was asked to go and train the ground crews of Lord and Lady Holders in his new ideas and he realized that there wasn't anything wrong with his methods, but that people's insecurity made them instinctively react badly to something that they regarded as important... even if they didn't want to do it themselves. It was just politics, and people are notoriously uncomfortable about their positions." He opens his hands again, to gesture outwardly. "I keep telling you, that you will be a leader soon. And while there are some things that you still need to learn.... everything changes, once you are in that position. But part of learning to be a leader is putting aside feelings we have for those people. That..." He pauses, lowering his voice. "Doesn't make the hurt and confusion any easier though, sometimes. But it does explain it a little."
While the talking part of conversation doesn't always go well for her, Miniyal has the listening part down pretty good. Other than the occasional kick of one boot against the floor she doesn't move and she watches him as he speaks. It's an almost unnerving sort of stare she uses, but at least she does seem to be listening and paying attention. "It's just what is important to me is not necessarily important to anyone else, sir. And I can't stop it from being important just because no one else sees it that way. And I can't sit around and wait for permission to act all the time. I know I can't be like I was before. I know it's not just my reputation anymore, but the Weyr's as well. But if an opportunity presents itself I can't /not/ take it. And if people get mad then they get mad. It's not like I haven't had people mad at me before." Fingers twitch here and she stops to unlace them from each other to return to the previous worrying of her ring. "Gans told me once that just because something I wanted to do would get me in trouble didn't mean I shouldn't do it. That I should get in trouble. If something is important than you /have/ to do it. You can't just. . .sit still. That's just as bad as doing something wrong. Not trying to fix something, I mean."
Skrath was not bothered by Peloth's scrutiny, and B'rok sits confidently in Miniyal's. He tells his story quietly and when he is done, he shuts up so that the Weyrling can speak. "Of course. No good leader ever sat quietly through a Weyrlinghood or any form of education and did not ask questions or push the rules. That is just how things are. The quiet ones who sit and follow every single rule to the letter and never once speak out are those without ambition and will always be followers. You can look around you and see that in your wing now. Getting caught is part of that and eventually you either learn better ways to go about it, or the ability to disguise your actions better. It is sort of like parenting, I guess, this position. If I were responsible for raising a young child who followed my every instruction, I would think that there was something wrong with them. At the same time, if I catch you in something I have to punish you because that is how things work, but I understand. That is the reason I lifted the restrictions from you. There comes a time where there is just too much." He looks down at the desk, his eye wandering across the many-pitted surface of the ancient wood.
"G'thon was correct to tell you that. One of the most important things that I teach my bronzeriders is, when an emergency comes that you have to make a decision. Don't worry about weather or not it is the correct decision, if you make an error you make an error. The important thing is that the decision was made at the time."
B'rok adds. "This sounds a little odd coming from someone who's job it is to bust you when you do these sorts of things, but try to understand my shoes. I am wanting you to know how my beliefs are different."
There are plenty of responses she could give to all of that. In days past she could have gone on for hours on just one sentence. If she had desired to. However, it is not days past and while her mind goes through all of the responses she might offer she comes up with a simple one. Just a few words that sum things up quite nicely at the moment. "I miss him."
The Weyrlingmaster's own reply is very short too. He asks a question in a soft, careful tone. "Have you really been letting yourself miss him, Miniyal?" His speaking is below conversational level, and there is not a tiny bit of agression or anything negative in his voice.
"I'm not the sort of person who has an emotional breakdown over. . .whatever." Ok, well, so it's a small little fib. But, close enough to the truth for Miniyal right now. Stopping any motion of her ring she folds her hands tightly together and looks up and in the general vicinity of the weyrlingmaster. "Everyone- I mean, I just have to keep going. Everyone was watching me like they expected me to just lose it completely or to flounder because he wasn't telling me what to do and I couldn't give anyone cause to say it. And then- after." It hardly needs be said what after. There is really only one after he died. "Like I shouldn't still love him just because of what he did. Like it should overshadow everything else. I don't agree with what he did. I hate what he did. But I don't hate him."
"Hardly whatever." B'rok interjects this before she looks up with the second bit. "It must have taken a lot of strength not to show weakness these last months. To your fellow Weyrlings, or to anyone else." With his fingernail, he scratches carefully at one of the pits in the desk. It sends little grating sounds around the room. "Some say that it wasn't G'thon that did it. Or Ganathon. That it was the shock and anger of losing Hirth that made him do it. There are a few who don't like you, but there are a few too who say that he was his happiest with you. That you stopped him from becoming something even worse, and made him G'thon again. There are two sides to every opinion, you know."
"It wasn't-" Now he gets some small real emotion, sure it's anger, but still. It doesn't last and instead she clears her throat and tries again more calmly. "The Masterharper said that it wasn't because of Hirth. And he knew him a long time. I trust his opinion." Miniyal's words come to an end as she taps one foot on the floor. "It's just that. . .Sorry, anyway. It's not important, sir."
"Then I will trust the Masterharper's opinion as well." He says, quietly. "It would be nice to know what actually happened. G'thon and I shared a rough time together, as 'riders. Figuring out the fall, watching people getting killed around us." He stops talking though, and gestures. "I am sorry as well. Please. It's just that...?"
With a quiet sigh the tapping of her foot stops. "I wish I knew." Which is an easier way of saying that it drives her crazy not knowing. "Nothing, sir. Was there anything else you wished to discuss?" And just like that Miniyal slams the door on the conversation from before. Yep. No more.
B'rok shakes his head slowly. "No." He says. "That would be all. Come and see me later today and we will discuss the filing. Only the filing." It is a little add so that she can not worry. "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me today. You are dismissed when you want to leave."
"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." Rising up from her chair she finds a salute and then steps around the chair. Miniyal tucks her hair back behind her ears as she heads for the door. Once there she opens it and pauses. "I don't think anyone who gets this job wants it, sir. I mean, if you look back historically. Most tend to see it as some sort of step back or something. I don't know if that is the case with you or not. I just, you know? I don't think you should see it that way. When you do you miss out on things. Just look at all the turns the dumb ass wasted." Ahem. Likely she means R'vain. Likely she doesn't need to be calling the Weyrleader that in front of someone she doesn't know. But, she does so anyway. With even a tiny little smile to go with it. Very tiny. Then she slips out the door.
If the Weyrlingmaster has a reply to Miniyal about his being placed in this position, it is hidden behind the nod and half smile that he gives her on her away out. And the adjustment of his eyepatch.