Forgiveness
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Homin, Minsu
Rating: Rated for themes
Warnings: Trigger for abuse and disfunctional relationships
Summary: Jaejoong had a great boyfriend and a fantastic best friend. Then one day it all ended. Now everyone's lives have to go on.
Sequel to Jealous or the Ultimate Betrayal.
Seoul, May 26
Changmin stepped outside and could not control his sneer. This was among the last places on Earth he’d want to be. It was as if the very air he was breathing made him nauseous. Just the very idea that he was in South Korea brought his father’s memories to the front of his mind and he absolutely hated it.
He took a taxi to the hotel and spent the entire ride staring outside with a judgmental look. As far as he was concerned his Korean heritage was only good as an additional work language and for getting laid. Apparently there was some Korean craze going around and it ensured there was always plenty of women and quite a few men more than interested in pursuing him simply because he looked Korean. Looking at the ads the obsession with good looks was obvious. The people on the street didn’t exactly match the artists but he could see the effort a lot of them seemed to take.
When Changmin finally found himself alone in his hotel room he collapsed on the bed; eyes fixed on the ceiling until he was forced to close them against the threat of a headache. He wondered if he wanted to go out or stay hidden pretending he was still in New York. After realising his thoughts kept straying to his parent’s divorce, Changmin sent Jung Yunho a text saying he had arrived and went down to ask for the nearest decent club.
…
Paris, May 26
Jaejoong dropped his suitcase and went straight to the sofa. The trip to Milan had been excellent work wise but he was exhausted.
He was nearly dozing off when his phone rang.
“Oui?... Fantastique! … Êtes-vous sûr? … Oui, oui… Je sais… Oui, je accept. Au revoir.” - (Yes? Fantastic! Are you sure? Yes, yes. I know. Yes, I accept. Bye.)
After hanging up, Jaejoong stared ahead and tried not to feel nauseous. He was going to have to travel back to South Korea, to Seoul, to where Yunho and Yoochun certainly still would want to meet with him.
A police siren outside woke him up from his daze. He decided he could do it. He would do it. It was a great work opportunity. He had damaged his image a little with the sudden departure from Korea and breach of several contracts.
Anyway, this was one of those work opportunities he could not pass away. His age was soon going to turn him obsolete in the highly competitive fashion world, notwithstanding his looks. He needed to make the most of it while he still could.
In a way he was very lucky that he could run away from heartache and betrayal by simply leaving the country. That had made avoiding Yunho and Yoochun very easy. Both men had travelled to places where he was seen working but he had so far avoided them. If he went to Korea that would be impossible. However, enough time had passed that maybe he would be able to survive seeing them again. He hoped.
…
Seoul, May 27
Junsu drunkenly stumbled from another club, another lost night. He was being held upright
by some older ugly man. He couldn’t bring himself to care. So he was going to get fucked. What else was new?
Outside a tall gorgeous man caught his eye. He wistfully wished that the gorgeous guy was the one carrying him to some dark alley or motel room.
…
Itaewon’s night life pulsed with its own rhythm and Changmin found he was almost enjoying himself. It was impossible to still think of his bastard of a father surrounded by pretty gay men. His height alone was enough to ensure he was always noticed but here it almost made him feel like a demi-god with the way some eager bottoms were checking him out. Even if quite a few were already too drunk for their own good.
A few hours later, Changmin was happily tired from all the dancing, half drunk and sweaty. His cock was balls deep inside some pretty twink that he suspected wasn’t begging for mercy only due to misplaced pride. He hadn’t paid attention to the guy’s name, Taemin something, maybe. With precise disdain, Changmin angled his thrusts to give the young man sublime pleasure and then, with a mean laugh, made sure to remind the poor bloke to check next time what was inside a man’s pants before jumping in. A louder whimper of pain made him give up. He returned to the angle that would pleasure the guy while he rubbed his cock. He was mean, but not that mean. The second the guy’s orgasm calmed down, Changmin pulled out, his own cock still full and waiting for release. He threw the condom on the floor carelessly.
“Suck me. And you better make it really good or else I’ll have to go back to your hole.”
Changmin nearly chuckled at the flash of fear. He tried picturing the poor twink if he had been faced with Yunho instead and nearly laughed out loud. But soon the guy’s expert tongue and mouth had him biting back pleased moans.
“Ahhh, yes. Just like that. Oh, you’re good. Yes! Like that. More.”
It seemed the guy was more capable of taking him with his mouth than up his ass and Changmin found himself having a rather satisfying orgasm. He threw the condom on the floor carelessly. With a distracted glance he patted the guy’s head, smirking slightly at the smeared face, bruised lips and harsh breathing.
“Good throat. Good boy.”
His phone vibrating helped him clear his mind and Changmin got out of the bathroom stall - leaving behind the twink on his knees with pants still down - to check the received message under the lights near the sink.
“Come to my house. I want to fuck you.” - Yunho
Changmin checked the time. It was 2 a.m. already but he was far from sleepy. He smiled answering back. A proper fuck might just be the best way to kill time until he had to present himself at work in a few hours.
…
Junsu was barely aware of someone closing a door, vaguely registering he was in some motel room. The stench of sweat, semen and alcohol was nauseating. His mouth tasted awful. He was thankful when the alcohol levels in his body made him lose awareness again and welcomed oblivion.
…
Seoul, May 28
Jung Yunho had the headache from hell. However, that seemed to be his normal condition since Jaejoong had left and he was barely aware that maybe it wasn’t really that normal to feel so physically ill.
His bloodshot eyes scanned wearily the meeting room. He was not prepared for this meeting and, in fact, had done very little work on the overall project since April 11. He scowled at the date. May 28. Almost two months since Jaejoong had walked away. He still couldn’t believe it.
Next to him, Shim Changmin looked fresh and professional, not a hint of the fact that he also hadn’t slept in hours or that he had been impaled in his cock for a better part of the night. Yunho looked at him with a sideways glance and hated him. Not that it achieved much. He also hated himself.
The meeting was awful. Changmin smoothly tried to cover for him but there was no fooling anyone. Yunho was feeling like he had been rudely woken up. He needed to get his act together really fast or risk losing his job.
…
Changmin left for his hotel room as soon as possible. His body was sore and he was finally starting to feel the jetlag.
Sprawled upon the bed, waiting for sleep to take over, he revised last year’s events, especially the last month and half.
He had been working for the company’s branch in New York for three years before he finally had a break a year ago. Or a fuck. Changmin was not ashamed that he had literally fucked his way up. Or better yet, allowed Yunho to fuck him. At least it had been gorgeous-good-in-bed Yunho. And not like he had intended to do that but after randomly encountering the man at a gay bar, the idea simply sprang into his mind and was not a hard thing to try.
Things turned out even better when he realised Yunho liked to play rough, which met his own tastes. Soon, his incompetent boss was fired and the work he did under that asshole’s name finally became his own along with the recognition and the pay check. After that, it just became routine to meet up with Yunho every time he returned to New York. For him, it was indifferent since it was a long time that he had been in anything resembling a relationship. The fact that Yunho had a boyfriend back home was not his problem.
Other than the one time Yunho had some dude pose as himself during a brief visit from that dumb boyfriend, the problem was never Changmin’s.
Now it very much was.
Jung Yunho was a train wreck waiting to happen. The man had become instable and unreliable. He was a little more subdued now but Changmin very much doubted he’d recover in time to repair the damage done to his image at work.
It had forced Changmin to have to travel to South Korea and he had hated it vehemently. But now… He was starting to see the possible benefits for himself. Maybe instead of simply being forced to pick up the slack for Yunho, maybe he could go up one more step in the company ladder and this time he would not even have to drop his pants.
…
Junsu looked around at his work table. He had not been able to write a song in some time. Yoochun with his pretty nimble hands playing the piano or playing his body had given him inspiration for a rather productive time but now he couldn’t even write depressing songs.
…
Paris, May 30
Jaejoong boarded the plane with a heavy hearth. He hoped that he would be able to do his work and return without being harassed. However, if worst came to worst, he was confident that he would be able to deal with his ex-boyfriend and his former best friend.
…
Busan, May 31
Changmin walked along the streets of Busan like a regular tourist - enjoying his weekend and taking in the sights - happy to be away from gloomy Yunho. After a week in South Korea he was over the reminders of his father. So the man had been a bastard who had treated his mother awfully. So what? That didn’t mean everything from South Korea was bad. After all his mother was from South Korea as well and she was wonderful. He might as well make the most of his visit.
He was in a really good mood after yet another meeting the day before where he had shined and Yunho had made a fool of himself. At this rate, he would be promoted sooner than he expected. He suspected the fact that Yunho had turned down moving to New York because of his parents had injured him in the company. After all his parents were in perfect good health. Not a reasonable reason. His recent behaviour would not be overlooked.
Changmin looked at a clothes store that had several big ads with known artists and models. One of the faces was Kim Jaejoong. He had to admit the man was breath-taking. It made him wonder what the hell Yunho used to complain about so much. So the model was rather vanilla in the bedroom. With that face and that body, he could even be a dead fish and Changmin was sure he wouldn’t complain very much.
…
Seoul, June 02
Yunho was anxious and nearly biting his fingernails. He had managed to get the information that Jaejoong was back. He even knew where the model was right now. He had been having dinner with Changmin on a nearby restaurant and hoping to get a fuck later on. Now all his mind was focused on was finding Jaejoong and talking with him. He wasn’t even aware that Changmin was following at a certain distance.
Changmin was shaking his head at the Jung Mess Yunho in front of him. He had just returned from his weekend and work meeting in Busan and had accepted the invitation to dinner, feeling magnanimous enough to allow Yunho a pity fuck. But after a text with the mysterious and elusive Kim Jaejoong’s location, Yunho was almost possessed. Something told him he should follow the man and keep an eye on him. He could smell trouble.
…
Junsu wanted to drink himself stupid but Yoochun was having none of it. He really could not understand why he was being dragged to the restaurant where someone had tipped off Yoochun that Jaejoong would be. If Kim Jaejoong had read some of the original messages on Yoochun’s Facebook account as he suspected, there was no way the model would believe whatever lie Yoochun could come up with. And even if he stood there, right next to Yoochun, nodding his head, it would still not erase the words Jaejoong had read.
However, here he was. Yoochun’s strong hand painfully holding his arm while he frantically searched for Jaejoong. Junsu wondered yet again when and where his life had gone down the drain.
…
Yunho entered the restaurant with Changmin closely behind. He was still unaware of being followed. His mind had only one thought: Jaejoong.
…
Changmin saw Yunho freeze and yell. He couldn’t make out the words but one name stood out: Yoochun, Jaejoong’s best friend. Or ex-best friend.
From what Changmin had managed to make sense of Yunho’s rumbling drunk stories, he had been fooled to think Jaejoong was cheating on him. Probably by Yoochun, the only other person who would know Jaejoong’s passwords.
Changmin felt no pity whatsoever. Yunho was a cheater and had no moral high ground to be offended even if Jaejoong had really been cheating on him. Which has it turned out, he hadn’t been. Unfortunately for Yunho, he found that out after attacking Jaejoong and the model had wisely run away.
He found rather ridiculous how Yunho had suddenly discovered how “in love” he was with Jaejoong after losing the man.
With a detached frame of mind, Changmin watched from a safe distance how Yunho and Yoochun yelled at each other. Insults and swear words caused curious guests to peak from their rooms. The restaurant staff was at a loss what to do.
Slightly behind Yoochun, Changmin noticed a guy trying to melt into the wall. A pointless endeavour since Yoochun was grabbing his arm with a death grip that had to be quite painful. Changmin felt a flare of irritation. If this Yoochun wanted to yell with Yunho, he could at least let the other guy go.
This third guy could maybe be a part of those messages Yunho had read. He had showed him some of them. Quite hot. And somewhat inspiring.
Yunho had even tried to suggest they do some of that stuff. Changmin had refused. As he refused to allow Yunho to choke him seriously since the man had lost Jaejoong. Simply too risky and not worth it. Yunho lacked the self-control and finesse to be allowed to have that much control over anyone. It was already tricky dealing with the breath play; honestly if Changmin wasn’t strong enough to overpower Yunho if need be, he’d never let the man anywhere near his neck in the first place.
Feeling his curiosity peaked, Changmin studied the guy behind Yoochun who was keeping his chin glued to his chest. From what he could see, he was not a beauty, per se. His features were pleasant enough, from what he could see but not striking at first glance. He had the sort of next door girl - boy version of course - look that promised better looks, maybe even stunning with a little makeover and especially some confidence. And a butt to die for. Much as Jaejoong was beautiful, Changmin was sure anyone would be better served with an ass like that. He certainly would prefer it himself.
…
Jaejoong heard screaming and ignored it, continuing to have dinner with his work colleagues. Maybe someone had had too much to drink. Not something unusal.
When a few louder curses reached his ears, his belly froze with a cold sinking feeling. He could recognize Yoochun and Yunho’s voices.
Placing the mask on his face that he had been wearing when outside since he had left the plane, Jaejoong carefully opened the door and took a peak in the direction of the voices. Indeed it was Yunho and Yoochun.
Both men were dressed in their usual style, Yunho in a business suit and Yoochun as a homeless trendy hippie. Both as good looking as always, even if their faces seemed tired or sick.
Jaejoong’s heart rate went sky high. He could not help feeling a pang of disappointment and lose. He had been so happy. So foolishly happy and blind. He knew it was for the best that he was no longer fooled by both men but it still hurt. It hurt a lot. It was almost too much.
Behind Yoochun there was a frightened looking guy. Maybe the mysterious Junsu. He wondered why he had never known Junsu existed until he had read those messages. From the way Yoochun was grabbing the man and those damn messages, Jaejoong suspected that his former best friend saw the poor guy simply as a fuck toy instead of a human being.
How did he fool me so much for so long?
To Jaejoong’s surprise he recognized a tall figure standing at some distance, watching the fight with an amused smirk. It was Shim Changmin. The real one, not the guy Yunho had introduced him to. Yet another painful discovery he had made. He had read Yoochun’s suspicion of Yunho’s deceit but only when he had recently travelled to New York and someone had pointed the man at a crowded party, did Jaejoong realise the fool that he had been.
His rising anger made his body tremble at the same time as he fought against bile. He wanted to throw up, shout, tear the place apart; reduce Yunho and Yoochun to bloody lumps on the floor. The two men were accusing each other of being the reason why he had run away while they had the men - Changmin and Junsu - who had helped deceive him right next to them. It was shameless. And infuriating.
Jaejoong grabbed his stuff and left, before they could see him.
…
Changmin smirked, highly amused. Kim Jaejoong had just watched the entire mess for some time and had slipped away. The man really was something. He could almost understand why Yunho and Yoochun were so obviously obsessed with the model and could not let go. He was even more gorgeous live. Changmin wondered about the man’s personality. Having only Yunho’s description was proving useless. Clearly there was much more to Jaejoong.
He found Yunho especially ridiculous. Yoochun had sabotaged himself with the friend approach and had ended up stuck in the friend zone. But Yunho had had the man. Had him and ruined everything for some thrill fucks. Totally immature. If the pain Yunho had let show during drunken rants was anything to go by, he actually loved Jaejoong; which only made him even more stupid in Changmin’s eyes, since he suspected the asshole had never realized it before losing the model.
“He left.”
Yunho and Yoochun turned blank stares in Changmin’s direction. Even the silent guy behind Yoochun lifted his eyes to peer curiously at him. Changmin smirked at them and nodded his head in the direction where Jaejoong had disappeared.
“Kim Jaejoong was here but he already left. You guys were too distracted to notice.”
Changmin stared at them, biting his inner cheeks to stop himself from laughing at the two identical faces of dismay in front of him. It was Yoochun the one who recovered first.
“Let’s go, Junsu!”
Yunho turned away as well, ignoring Changmin who in turn was staring after Junsu being dragged away.
That really is one nice ass. Junsu, eh? Wonder if he really let’s Yoochun do even half of the things they described in all that juicy sex talk.
…
Junsu stared at the wall and tried to empty his mind or focus it on something other than Yoochun’s thrusts in his body. He mentally berated himself. He had always known the man was too obsessed with the model. Really, he should have known better than to get so involved and doing everything and anything that Yoochun asked him to. Or ordered, if he was to admit to some portion of truth.
…
Seoul, June 05
Changmin and Kyuhyun were on their way to being really drunk. Luckily for both of them, the american decided they both had had enough.
“Hey, Max, what you doing? Why you getting up?”
“No more drinking. Let’s walk. We’re supposed to be remembering your days with me at our Uni in New York. Back when you were not a perfect Korean boy, you mama’s boy.”
“Look who’s talking. You’re a mama’s boy too. Bah! I rather get drunk. I know. We can go to my house. I have a huge bar.”
“Ohhh, does your mama know?”
“Oh, Max, I missed you. You should have visited sooner.”
“You should have stayed back home, Kyuhyun. Trading the States for South Korea… seriously. Next your mom will have you marry some vapid gold-digger.”
“It won’t be so bad. We do have some very pretty girls here and I earn more than you do.”
“Not for long.”
“Huh? What have you done this time?”
“Ah! Not what your dirty mind is thinking. I was simply work efficient. That’s all. I swear. Really! Don’t look at me like that. I know you don’t approve of Yunho but I don’t need him anymore. I just got promoted all on my own merits.”
“Ok, there’s a story here. Wasn’t he purposefully hiding and holding you back?”
Changmin laughed with an evil glint that had Kyuhyun shaking his head at his friend.
“Ok, my apartment over extra drinks. You’re telling me all about it. I mean… skip the sex details, will you? I already know way too much about your sex life than I would ever want to know. I’m straight, remember? And not into kinky stuff.”
…
Some hours later, Changmin was still at his friend’s apartment. They were quietly watching tv when some indiscreet sounds from the other apartment reached them.
“Not again…”
“Ok, those are two guys and they are not playing sports.”
“Next door neighbour. I think he’s into S&M or BDSM or whatever you call it. You should go and introduce yourself.”
“Come on, Kyuhyun, don’t be mean. Not my fault your neighbour plays for my team.”
“I think his living room and his bedroom share walls with my living room. I get to hear more than I think they realise. It’s annoying and even disturbing. How does one know it’s really consensual? I’ve heard quite a lot of screaming. Just the other day I caught the boyfriend leaving and he could barely walk. How is that ever supposed to feel good?”
“Make up your mind. You always say you don’t want details.”
“Damn, what the hell is he doing to the guy? Ok, that sounded like pain to me.”
“I am usually a dominant but on occasion I play submissive. Which was quite handy to deal with Yunho. Trust me, there can be a lot of pleasure in pain if one is so inclined.”
“Oh, whatever. I’m off to bed. At least in my room I don’t hear this. You’re welcome to sleep on the sofa. And Max, if you… you know…”
“Masturbate to those lovely sounds, you’ll have my head off?”
“Don’t leave any evidence, ok?”
“I’ve grown up since Uni in more than just height, you know?”
“Promises, promises.”
…
Changmin was leisurely considering doing something to his erection when his mother called. Mortified, he went in search of a safe place to answer the call where she would not hear the sounds from the neighbours. Then his face light up in a warm smile answering the video call.
“Hi, mom. How are you?”
Sometime later, Changmin said his goodbyes to his mother. He was glad to see that although he was in South Korea, that fact did not cause any distress to his mother. It was a good feeling. His mother had suffered a lot because of his father and the few times they had visited South Korea as a family had been the worst. Changmin shook his head trying not to remember his father’s own mother. The woman had been terrible. Even as an adult, Changmin could still not comprehend or forgive. But all that was irrelevant looking at his mother’s smile nowadays. Nothing remained of the haunted face from before.
For a few moments a thought entered his mind. Changmin’s brain tried to convince him that his mother’s old expression of misery and resignation had been the same expression that Junsu had been wearing at the restaurant the other day. Feeling silly, he shook his head at the notion.
Returning to the living room, Changmin entertained the temptation of masturbating to the sounds of fucking from next door. One voice in particular was very arousing and even better it seemed it was from the submissive. He glanced at the time and congratulated both men for their stamina. Faint hints of words reached his ears. He could not make out the words. It sounded like pleas for mercy. Changmin tried to remember the last time he had someone begging him. It was always so incredible to hear things like “please”, “harder” or “fuck me”.
As he approached more and more to the wall, Changmin suddenly had an uncomfortable feeling. Like watching bad porn. The really bad kind where you have to wonder if the person being fucked really wants to be there. He was used to sounds in the border between pleasure and pain. The more he listened however, the more it seemed it was just pain.
His erection died away. Something was wrong next door.
…
Junsu steeled himself. It would be over soon. Really soon.
His breath left him when Yoochun entered him in one single forceful thrust. His pain threshold was quite high but emotionally he was in tatters and that just made everything worse. Besides, he still had not recovered from his last encounter with Yoochun. Normally, he would have had time to heal but not this time. The night Yoochun had failed to meet Jaejoong at the restaurant had been awful but tonight was rapidly escalating even more.
Junsu had tears falling and screams escaping. Then he had no more tears or screams. Then he found out he still had more tears and screams after all.
He had to bite down the urge to yell his safeword. His safeword no longer existed. Junsu had painfully acknowledged that as time stretched after Jaejoong had run away back in April.
The first time it happened, he dismissed it. He believed Yoochun when he said he hadn’t heard the safeword. Then it happened again. That time Junsu had yelled his safeword loud and clear. Yoochun simply ignored him. He apologized later and said it wouldn’t happen. But it did. Again and again. Until Junsu had given up.
Hell, he had gone into depression so much that he was even going to Itaewon not to drink and dance but to let himself be fucked. At least those guys only did what he permitted.
A change in pace awoke him from his musings. Yoochun was close. Soon he would be allowed to get up and leave. Maybe one day he’d leave for good.
Maybe.
…
Changmin was trying to ignore whatever was happening next door and failing. He was not hundred percent into the dom and sub culture but he had dabbled enough in it. He heard the sounds die down and hoped that the sub would be taken care of. He raced to the door and opened it. He stood in the corridor; his eyes glued to the neighbour’s door.
A tired broken looking guy emerged, clothes in disarray and half buttoned, hair a mess, face haggard and slight bruises beginning to darken. The second the man closed the door, his knees gave up and he slipped to the floor in a messy heap of limbs. A pained whimper escaped. The face was hidden and the eyes, if open, were glued to the floor, probably unseeing.
Changmin’s mouth was open in disbelief.
…
Seoul, June 06
Jaejoong hadn’t slept well in days. Not since encountering both men at the restaurant. All the betrayal and hurt he had kept at bay had returned full force. It was almost a struggle to get up and go to work. To make matters worse both men had caused several commotions at sites where he was working with their attempts to see him.
He couldn’t go on like this. He needed closure. He had no idea if that was the best thing to do but it was what he was going to do. And on his terms. Opening his phone, he sent out two simple texts.
…
Yunho was having a year to forget. He couldn’t figure out where he had gone wrong. Now, not only his personal life had gone to shit but his work life too.
Changmin had been promoted and he knew that his free fucks were over. He’d have to find someone else and it was a bitch to find anyone who enjoyed or even agreed to do breathe play outside of relationships.
Yunho had no idea how he was going to get his career back on track. He was now essentially Changmin’s subordinate. The American knew all his weak points. After all, Yunho had been mooching off Changmin’s work since the guy had slept with him for a promotion.
Everything was going to hell.
His phone beeped.
What now?
Yunho stared at his phone and stared and stared. Jaejoong was asking to meet.
…
Yoochun closed his piano and paced around his apartment. He was full of restless energy. Not even last night’s fuck with Junsu had relaxed him. In fact, he was seriously considering finding another guy. Junsu was completely tamed and becoming lame as well. Not even that sweet ass was that tempting anymore.
He needed someone new. He really wished it could be Jaejoong. Innocent beautiful Jaejoong. It seemed like his wishes were finally coming true when he saw the text message.
…
Jaejoong ignored the calls and texts. He was sure both men would show up to meet him. He was determined to put an end to any future attempts to contact him. He had run away back in April but not this time.
…
Junsu opened bleary eyes with a painful sob. His head hurt and his entire body felt sore and exhausted. Recognizing his bed, Junsu closed his eyes again and tried to return to oblivion.
“No, wake up. I know you’re tired but you need a bath and food.”
The unfamiliar voice frightened Junsu. He never brought guys to his home. Not even Yoochun had ever come here.
“Relax. Calm down. I’m not here to hurt you. I brought you home last night. You blacked out outside that asshole’s apartment.”
Junsu turned his head slowly and was astonished to see Jung Yunho’s lover looking back at him. He could even say the man was looking kindly at him, almost concerned.
I must be imagining things. Do I even remember what it is to have someone care for me?
“Hey, come on. Remain awake, please. Let me help you to the bathroom.”
Junsu suddenly became aware he was naked under his blankets. He gripped them tighter.
“Really? If I was gonna hurt you, I could have done whatever I wanted to last night. Oh, Shim Changmin. A pleasure. Come on, a bath will do you wonders. Trust me.”
I really must be out of my mind. I do want to trust him so much.
Taking Junsu’s silence for consent, Changmin approached slowly, making sure his intentions were clear and picked the man up. He was too light for his height. Changmin supressed a sigh and carried the man to the full tub of hot water.
Junsu all but melted into the water. It was bliss on his tired body.
To his surprise Changmin gently washed him. Junsu was secretly glad for it since he didn’t have the strength to move. However used he was to being naked and fucked even by total strangers, he found himself blushing furiously and trying to hide his face from Changmin.
His surprise increased when he was dried, returned to a clean bed, massaged and his cuts and bruises healed. Junsu was nearly dosing off when the smell of food had his stomach grumbling. He ate every last piece and finally Changmin covered him in blankets and let him sleep.
…
Jaejoong sat down with his cup of coffee and watched the people walking around in the park. It was his favourite one and he had often come here with Yunho whenever the man could take time off from work. Their first date had been here.
“Jae, baby!”
Jaejoong jumped away. Yunho had tried hugging him.
“Jae?”
“Stay back.”
“Baby? Please, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry. It was those messages…”
“Stop! I only contacted you to finish things off for good.”
“What? No! Jae, you can’t!”
“Yes, I can! You cheated on me! Probably since the very beginning!”
“No! I…”
“Yunho, I know about Shim Changmin. Don’t even try to lie to me. But that’s not even the worst. I can’t believe you’re still trying to talk to me. You tried to… What were you going to do to me that night on the car? No, Yunho. No, no, no. Stop trying to contact me. It’s over. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“Yoochun. Yoochun and his lies. You can’t believe him. I love you, baby. We’re perfect together.”
“Oh, please, stop. We were far from perfect. After leaving I finally saw lots of things I kept dismissing before. You gave me little attention and never cared for what I wanted or needed. I was just arm candy to you. This sort of trophy you could show off around.”
“How can you say that? I went against my parents for you! I’m openly gay even at work. You do remember this is South Korea?”
“You didn’t came out to your parents. They caught us together cause you couldn’t wait. You’re just lucky they were open minded enough about it. And so lucky that I ended up letting you trick me into playing the role of a perfect house wife. Everything was always about what you needed, wanted, desired. Even when I didn’t like something I ended up caving. In my mind I was doing the adult thing, working for a relationship. Dear heavens, the only point where I didn’t give in to you was letting you choke me. Everything else… Fuck it! Last time I topped was with my ex. You’d freak out if even a pinky got anywhere near your ass. Always what you wanted. In everything.”
“You like being fucked! I’ve no idea why you never wanted to try more stuff in bed. But… ok, ok. Forget that. Our sex life is good. I always made you feel good, right? And you really should have listened to me about Yoochun!”
“Yunho, I called you here to say goodbye. It’s over. As much as I loved you before, now I only despise you. I never want to see you again. There’s nothing you can say or do that would make me ever forgive your cheating ass. I didn’t press charges for that night but try to come near me again and I’ll report you so fast you won’t know what hit you.”
“What lies did Yoochun put in your head?”
“He has nothing to do with this. Let it go, Yunho. Just… “
Jaejoong stopped and looked into Yunho’s eyes. With an exausted sigh, he simply turned and walked away. He had a second of fear that Yunho would grab him but the park was full of people and the model soon disappeared out of sight.
Yunho was left standing in the same spot, his mind a fury of thoughts. He couldn’t understand. Was Jaejoong really ending everything?
…
Changmin stretched his muscles. Junsu’s sofa was extremely comfortable and he had slept wonderfully. He listened for sounds but Junsu was still sleeping. He cursed Yoochun again. Aftercare was one of the most important aspects of rough sex, especially if it went beyond just a hard fuck. He couldn’t begin to imagine how the hell Junsu had managed before. Luckily it was the weekend and he could give his full attention to the man. He wondered why but shrugged it aside. It was no brainer. Junsu was fit and hot and delicious and seeing him naked - even hurt - had been an exercise in self-control and restraint.
I am so going to steal Junsu from that asshole.
…
Junsu woke up well rested and incredibly hungry. He smiled at the memory of Shim Changmin. He had no idea it could feel so good to be taken care of like that. Testing his muscles, Junsu found he felt much better. He put on his sweat pants and an old baggy t-shirt and decided to go look for food.
Yawning, Junsu half stumbled towards the kitchen only to be met with the vision of Changmin sleeping sprawled in his sofa.
Damn, he’s gorgeous. And with Yunho, remember? Does that mean he’s a bottom? What a waste.
Changmin opened his eyes and jumped to his feet.
“Oh, sorry. I really didn’t mean to overstay my welcome. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m much better, thank you. And… well… thank you so much for your help last night. How the hell did you end up outside Yoochun’s apartment?”
“My friend Kyuhyun lives next door.”
“Ah, he studied in America, right? Look, I’m going to cook something for dinner. I’m starving. Why don’t you join me? It’s the least I can do to thank you.”
“And I’ll say yes, please. I’m starving too. Cook, huh? Real homemade Korean food?”
“Off course.”
“If it’s anything like my mom’s cooking I might just have to marry you.”
“Careful, you might have to order the invitations while I cook.”
Changmin found himself laughing as he followed Junsu to the kitchen.
…
Yoochun happily sat at the bar nursing his drink and staring at the entrance. Jaejoong walked in like a vision capturing every eye in the crowded space.
“Jae, you came. I’m so happy to see you again. We need to talk. You have to let me explain everything.”
“Don’t bother. There’s only one thing I came here to say. Stop trying to contact me.”
“What? No, Jae. Look, it’s all a misunderstanding. Yunho was cheating on you. Hell, you must have seen his lover at the restaurant.”
“Yes, I did. I also saw your lover. Of whom I knew nothing about. Apparently because he was practice. God, you’re even worse than Yunho. I can’t even look at you. There’s no way I can forgive Yunho but you… you… Oh, Chunnie, how could you?”
“How the hell am I worse than that cheating bastard?”
“Friends are supposed to be for life, the ones you can count on when even lovers let you down. I ran to you when Yunho ruined everything and I was still trying to understand what had happened. Only to find that, regardless of Yunho’s behaviour, you were never anything like I thought you were. Our friendship meant nothing to you. You just wanted into my pants. Regardless of how. Oh, yeahhh. Awesome. Because of your little stunt Yunho could have seriously hurt me. Don’t you ever show up in front of me again.”
“If not for me, you’d still be with Yunho. I opened your eyes.”
“Is that really the only way you had to let me know what he was doing behind my back? Don’t even try, Yoochun. Just leave me the hell alone.”
Yoochun watched Jaejoong walk away with a cry of disbelief. He got up and raced after the model only to be met with a fist to his face.
“I mean it.”
While Yoochun sat on the floor rubbing his sore jaw, the model disappeared among the crowd outside.
…
New York, November 21
Jaejoong trudged along the airport and then switched to casual strolling when he caught sight of the reporters wanting to catch him and the other models. The agency PR gave a short statement and then they were directed to the awaiting vans.
Later that day, Jaejoong went with friends to the new trendiest bar. To his utter bewilderment he spotted Kim Junsu dancing on the floor. With none other than Shim Changmin.
“Well, of all the things…”
“What is it?”
“Just had a blast from the past.”
“Where? Ohhhh, that sexy Korean couple? Damn, that’s not dancing. Do they have a permit for those hip moves? Think I’ll go join them.”
“Steve, those two are into hardcore. You better be careful.”
“Really? Everyone else has all the fun. I want in on that. Ok, wish me luck.”
Jaejoong watched with curiosity as Steve approached the dancing couple. The two men seemed to decline and pretty soon Steve returned with a pout.
“Damn all exclusive couples. All the cute ones are always taken.”
“Hey, excuse me. I’m still single.”
“Yeah, until we go back home to Milan and that gorgeous fit muscled dreamy drool worthy football player gets you to go on a second date. Did he really topped and bottomed? Bottomed? How is that possible? And did you really had sex on a first date? Hot steamy sex? How is that possible? World is going crazy. I’m the only one still single here. And look at me. The world is not fair.”
“When you stop complaining there are at least three cute guys checking you out.”
“Bah, probably looking at you.”
“Wanna bet?”
…
Junsu leaned happily against Changmin as the tall black model like man walked away. Being taken and happy didn’t mean he could not look at sexy things.
Changmin felt Junsu suddenly tense.
“What is it, Hot Bun?”
“Isn’t that Kim Jaejoong?”
“God, damn. Yep, it is. Hum… You still have that idea about wanting to tell him you’re sorry?”
“He kinda deserves it, no?”
“Well, Yunho and Yoochun were the real arseholes but we did kinda help. Fine. Just know that if he punches me, you’re giving me a full body massage.”
“Oh, my Tall Hunk. Afraid of a skinny guy? I might swoon.”
“Shut up. He really might punch us or throw something in your faces.”
Junsu and Changmin both turned to look in Jaejoong’s direction and the model caught their eyes. To their utter surprise the model gave a half smile and toasted them before returning to his friends.
“Well… guess we are forgiven.”
“He really is something, isn’t he?”
...
Rating: Rated for themes
Warnings: Trigger for abuse and disfunctional relationships
Summary: Jaejoong had a great boyfriend and a fantastic best friend. Then one day it all ended. Now everyone's lives have to go on.
Sequel to Jealous or the Ultimate Betrayal.
Seoul, May 26
Changmin stepped outside and could not control his sneer. This was among the last places on Earth he’d want to be. It was as if the very air he was breathing made him nauseous. Just the very idea that he was in South Korea brought his father’s memories to the front of his mind and he absolutely hated it.
He took a taxi to the hotel and spent the entire ride staring outside with a judgmental look. As far as he was concerned his Korean heritage was only good as an additional work language and for getting laid. Apparently there was some Korean craze going around and it ensured there was always plenty of women and quite a few men more than interested in pursuing him simply because he looked Korean. Looking at the ads the obsession with good looks was obvious. The people on the street didn’t exactly match the artists but he could see the effort a lot of them seemed to take.
When Changmin finally found himself alone in his hotel room he collapsed on the bed; eyes fixed on the ceiling until he was forced to close them against the threat of a headache. He wondered if he wanted to go out or stay hidden pretending he was still in New York. After realising his thoughts kept straying to his parent’s divorce, Changmin sent Jung Yunho a text saying he had arrived and went down to ask for the nearest decent club.
…
Paris, May 26
Jaejoong dropped his suitcase and went straight to the sofa. The trip to Milan had been excellent work wise but he was exhausted.
He was nearly dozing off when his phone rang.
“Oui?... Fantastique! … Êtes-vous sûr? … Oui, oui… Je sais… Oui, je accept. Au revoir.” - (Yes? Fantastic! Are you sure? Yes, yes. I know. Yes, I accept. Bye.)
After hanging up, Jaejoong stared ahead and tried not to feel nauseous. He was going to have to travel back to South Korea, to Seoul, to where Yunho and Yoochun certainly still would want to meet with him.
A police siren outside woke him up from his daze. He decided he could do it. He would do it. It was a great work opportunity. He had damaged his image a little with the sudden departure from Korea and breach of several contracts.
Anyway, this was one of those work opportunities he could not pass away. His age was soon going to turn him obsolete in the highly competitive fashion world, notwithstanding his looks. He needed to make the most of it while he still could.
In a way he was very lucky that he could run away from heartache and betrayal by simply leaving the country. That had made avoiding Yunho and Yoochun very easy. Both men had travelled to places where he was seen working but he had so far avoided them. If he went to Korea that would be impossible. However, enough time had passed that maybe he would be able to survive seeing them again. He hoped.
…
Seoul, May 27
Junsu drunkenly stumbled from another club, another lost night. He was being held upright
by some older ugly man. He couldn’t bring himself to care. So he was going to get fucked. What else was new?
Outside a tall gorgeous man caught his eye. He wistfully wished that the gorgeous guy was the one carrying him to some dark alley or motel room.
…
Itaewon’s night life pulsed with its own rhythm and Changmin found he was almost enjoying himself. It was impossible to still think of his bastard of a father surrounded by pretty gay men. His height alone was enough to ensure he was always noticed but here it almost made him feel like a demi-god with the way some eager bottoms were checking him out. Even if quite a few were already too drunk for their own good.
A few hours later, Changmin was happily tired from all the dancing, half drunk and sweaty. His cock was balls deep inside some pretty twink that he suspected wasn’t begging for mercy only due to misplaced pride. He hadn’t paid attention to the guy’s name, Taemin something, maybe. With precise disdain, Changmin angled his thrusts to give the young man sublime pleasure and then, with a mean laugh, made sure to remind the poor bloke to check next time what was inside a man’s pants before jumping in. A louder whimper of pain made him give up. He returned to the angle that would pleasure the guy while he rubbed his cock. He was mean, but not that mean. The second the guy’s orgasm calmed down, Changmin pulled out, his own cock still full and waiting for release. He threw the condom on the floor carelessly.
“Suck me. And you better make it really good or else I’ll have to go back to your hole.”
Changmin nearly chuckled at the flash of fear. He tried picturing the poor twink if he had been faced with Yunho instead and nearly laughed out loud. But soon the guy’s expert tongue and mouth had him biting back pleased moans.
“Ahhh, yes. Just like that. Oh, you’re good. Yes! Like that. More.”
It seemed the guy was more capable of taking him with his mouth than up his ass and Changmin found himself having a rather satisfying orgasm. He threw the condom on the floor carelessly. With a distracted glance he patted the guy’s head, smirking slightly at the smeared face, bruised lips and harsh breathing.
“Good throat. Good boy.”
His phone vibrating helped him clear his mind and Changmin got out of the bathroom stall - leaving behind the twink on his knees with pants still down - to check the received message under the lights near the sink.
“Come to my house. I want to fuck you.” - Yunho
Changmin checked the time. It was 2 a.m. already but he was far from sleepy. He smiled answering back. A proper fuck might just be the best way to kill time until he had to present himself at work in a few hours.
…
Junsu was barely aware of someone closing a door, vaguely registering he was in some motel room. The stench of sweat, semen and alcohol was nauseating. His mouth tasted awful. He was thankful when the alcohol levels in his body made him lose awareness again and welcomed oblivion.
…
Seoul, May 28
Jung Yunho had the headache from hell. However, that seemed to be his normal condition since Jaejoong had left and he was barely aware that maybe it wasn’t really that normal to feel so physically ill.
His bloodshot eyes scanned wearily the meeting room. He was not prepared for this meeting and, in fact, had done very little work on the overall project since April 11. He scowled at the date. May 28. Almost two months since Jaejoong had walked away. He still couldn’t believe it.
Next to him, Shim Changmin looked fresh and professional, not a hint of the fact that he also hadn’t slept in hours or that he had been impaled in his cock for a better part of the night. Yunho looked at him with a sideways glance and hated him. Not that it achieved much. He also hated himself.
The meeting was awful. Changmin smoothly tried to cover for him but there was no fooling anyone. Yunho was feeling like he had been rudely woken up. He needed to get his act together really fast or risk losing his job.
…
Changmin left for his hotel room as soon as possible. His body was sore and he was finally starting to feel the jetlag.
Sprawled upon the bed, waiting for sleep to take over, he revised last year’s events, especially the last month and half.
He had been working for the company’s branch in New York for three years before he finally had a break a year ago. Or a fuck. Changmin was not ashamed that he had literally fucked his way up. Or better yet, allowed Yunho to fuck him. At least it had been gorgeous-good-in-bed Yunho. And not like he had intended to do that but after randomly encountering the man at a gay bar, the idea simply sprang into his mind and was not a hard thing to try.
Things turned out even better when he realised Yunho liked to play rough, which met his own tastes. Soon, his incompetent boss was fired and the work he did under that asshole’s name finally became his own along with the recognition and the pay check. After that, it just became routine to meet up with Yunho every time he returned to New York. For him, it was indifferent since it was a long time that he had been in anything resembling a relationship. The fact that Yunho had a boyfriend back home was not his problem.
Other than the one time Yunho had some dude pose as himself during a brief visit from that dumb boyfriend, the problem was never Changmin’s.
Now it very much was.
Jung Yunho was a train wreck waiting to happen. The man had become instable and unreliable. He was a little more subdued now but Changmin very much doubted he’d recover in time to repair the damage done to his image at work.
It had forced Changmin to have to travel to South Korea and he had hated it vehemently. But now… He was starting to see the possible benefits for himself. Maybe instead of simply being forced to pick up the slack for Yunho, maybe he could go up one more step in the company ladder and this time he would not even have to drop his pants.
…
Junsu looked around at his work table. He had not been able to write a song in some time. Yoochun with his pretty nimble hands playing the piano or playing his body had given him inspiration for a rather productive time but now he couldn’t even write depressing songs.
…
Paris, May 30
Jaejoong boarded the plane with a heavy hearth. He hoped that he would be able to do his work and return without being harassed. However, if worst came to worst, he was confident that he would be able to deal with his ex-boyfriend and his former best friend.
…
Busan, May 31
Changmin walked along the streets of Busan like a regular tourist - enjoying his weekend and taking in the sights - happy to be away from gloomy Yunho. After a week in South Korea he was over the reminders of his father. So the man had been a bastard who had treated his mother awfully. So what? That didn’t mean everything from South Korea was bad. After all his mother was from South Korea as well and she was wonderful. He might as well make the most of his visit.
He was in a really good mood after yet another meeting the day before where he had shined and Yunho had made a fool of himself. At this rate, he would be promoted sooner than he expected. He suspected the fact that Yunho had turned down moving to New York because of his parents had injured him in the company. After all his parents were in perfect good health. Not a reasonable reason. His recent behaviour would not be overlooked.
Changmin looked at a clothes store that had several big ads with known artists and models. One of the faces was Kim Jaejoong. He had to admit the man was breath-taking. It made him wonder what the hell Yunho used to complain about so much. So the model was rather vanilla in the bedroom. With that face and that body, he could even be a dead fish and Changmin was sure he wouldn’t complain very much.
…
Seoul, June 02
Yunho was anxious and nearly biting his fingernails. He had managed to get the information that Jaejoong was back. He even knew where the model was right now. He had been having dinner with Changmin on a nearby restaurant and hoping to get a fuck later on. Now all his mind was focused on was finding Jaejoong and talking with him. He wasn’t even aware that Changmin was following at a certain distance.
Changmin was shaking his head at the Jung Mess Yunho in front of him. He had just returned from his weekend and work meeting in Busan and had accepted the invitation to dinner, feeling magnanimous enough to allow Yunho a pity fuck. But after a text with the mysterious and elusive Kim Jaejoong’s location, Yunho was almost possessed. Something told him he should follow the man and keep an eye on him. He could smell trouble.
…
Junsu wanted to drink himself stupid but Yoochun was having none of it. He really could not understand why he was being dragged to the restaurant where someone had tipped off Yoochun that Jaejoong would be. If Kim Jaejoong had read some of the original messages on Yoochun’s Facebook account as he suspected, there was no way the model would believe whatever lie Yoochun could come up with. And even if he stood there, right next to Yoochun, nodding his head, it would still not erase the words Jaejoong had read.
However, here he was. Yoochun’s strong hand painfully holding his arm while he frantically searched for Jaejoong. Junsu wondered yet again when and where his life had gone down the drain.
…
Yunho entered the restaurant with Changmin closely behind. He was still unaware of being followed. His mind had only one thought: Jaejoong.
…
Changmin saw Yunho freeze and yell. He couldn’t make out the words but one name stood out: Yoochun, Jaejoong’s best friend. Or ex-best friend.
From what Changmin had managed to make sense of Yunho’s rumbling drunk stories, he had been fooled to think Jaejoong was cheating on him. Probably by Yoochun, the only other person who would know Jaejoong’s passwords.
Changmin felt no pity whatsoever. Yunho was a cheater and had no moral high ground to be offended even if Jaejoong had really been cheating on him. Which has it turned out, he hadn’t been. Unfortunately for Yunho, he found that out after attacking Jaejoong and the model had wisely run away.
He found rather ridiculous how Yunho had suddenly discovered how “in love” he was with Jaejoong after losing the man.
With a detached frame of mind, Changmin watched from a safe distance how Yunho and Yoochun yelled at each other. Insults and swear words caused curious guests to peak from their rooms. The restaurant staff was at a loss what to do.
Slightly behind Yoochun, Changmin noticed a guy trying to melt into the wall. A pointless endeavour since Yoochun was grabbing his arm with a death grip that had to be quite painful. Changmin felt a flare of irritation. If this Yoochun wanted to yell with Yunho, he could at least let the other guy go.
This third guy could maybe be a part of those messages Yunho had read. He had showed him some of them. Quite hot. And somewhat inspiring.
Yunho had even tried to suggest they do some of that stuff. Changmin had refused. As he refused to allow Yunho to choke him seriously since the man had lost Jaejoong. Simply too risky and not worth it. Yunho lacked the self-control and finesse to be allowed to have that much control over anyone. It was already tricky dealing with the breath play; honestly if Changmin wasn’t strong enough to overpower Yunho if need be, he’d never let the man anywhere near his neck in the first place.
Feeling his curiosity peaked, Changmin studied the guy behind Yoochun who was keeping his chin glued to his chest. From what he could see, he was not a beauty, per se. His features were pleasant enough, from what he could see but not striking at first glance. He had the sort of next door girl - boy version of course - look that promised better looks, maybe even stunning with a little makeover and especially some confidence. And a butt to die for. Much as Jaejoong was beautiful, Changmin was sure anyone would be better served with an ass like that. He certainly would prefer it himself.
…
Jaejoong heard screaming and ignored it, continuing to have dinner with his work colleagues. Maybe someone had had too much to drink. Not something unusal.
When a few louder curses reached his ears, his belly froze with a cold sinking feeling. He could recognize Yoochun and Yunho’s voices.
Placing the mask on his face that he had been wearing when outside since he had left the plane, Jaejoong carefully opened the door and took a peak in the direction of the voices. Indeed it was Yunho and Yoochun.
Both men were dressed in their usual style, Yunho in a business suit and Yoochun as a homeless trendy hippie. Both as good looking as always, even if their faces seemed tired or sick.
Jaejoong’s heart rate went sky high. He could not help feeling a pang of disappointment and lose. He had been so happy. So foolishly happy and blind. He knew it was for the best that he was no longer fooled by both men but it still hurt. It hurt a lot. It was almost too much.
Behind Yoochun there was a frightened looking guy. Maybe the mysterious Junsu. He wondered why he had never known Junsu existed until he had read those messages. From the way Yoochun was grabbing the man and those damn messages, Jaejoong suspected that his former best friend saw the poor guy simply as a fuck toy instead of a human being.
How did he fool me so much for so long?
To Jaejoong’s surprise he recognized a tall figure standing at some distance, watching the fight with an amused smirk. It was Shim Changmin. The real one, not the guy Yunho had introduced him to. Yet another painful discovery he had made. He had read Yoochun’s suspicion of Yunho’s deceit but only when he had recently travelled to New York and someone had pointed the man at a crowded party, did Jaejoong realise the fool that he had been.
His rising anger made his body tremble at the same time as he fought against bile. He wanted to throw up, shout, tear the place apart; reduce Yunho and Yoochun to bloody lumps on the floor. The two men were accusing each other of being the reason why he had run away while they had the men - Changmin and Junsu - who had helped deceive him right next to them. It was shameless. And infuriating.
Jaejoong grabbed his stuff and left, before they could see him.
…
Changmin smirked, highly amused. Kim Jaejoong had just watched the entire mess for some time and had slipped away. The man really was something. He could almost understand why Yunho and Yoochun were so obviously obsessed with the model and could not let go. He was even more gorgeous live. Changmin wondered about the man’s personality. Having only Yunho’s description was proving useless. Clearly there was much more to Jaejoong.
He found Yunho especially ridiculous. Yoochun had sabotaged himself with the friend approach and had ended up stuck in the friend zone. But Yunho had had the man. Had him and ruined everything for some thrill fucks. Totally immature. If the pain Yunho had let show during drunken rants was anything to go by, he actually loved Jaejoong; which only made him even more stupid in Changmin’s eyes, since he suspected the asshole had never realized it before losing the model.
“He left.”
Yunho and Yoochun turned blank stares in Changmin’s direction. Even the silent guy behind Yoochun lifted his eyes to peer curiously at him. Changmin smirked at them and nodded his head in the direction where Jaejoong had disappeared.
“Kim Jaejoong was here but he already left. You guys were too distracted to notice.”
Changmin stared at them, biting his inner cheeks to stop himself from laughing at the two identical faces of dismay in front of him. It was Yoochun the one who recovered first.
“Let’s go, Junsu!”
Yunho turned away as well, ignoring Changmin who in turn was staring after Junsu being dragged away.
That really is one nice ass. Junsu, eh? Wonder if he really let’s Yoochun do even half of the things they described in all that juicy sex talk.
…
Junsu stared at the wall and tried to empty his mind or focus it on something other than Yoochun’s thrusts in his body. He mentally berated himself. He had always known the man was too obsessed with the model. Really, he should have known better than to get so involved and doing everything and anything that Yoochun asked him to. Or ordered, if he was to admit to some portion of truth.
…
Seoul, June 05
Changmin and Kyuhyun were on their way to being really drunk. Luckily for both of them, the american decided they both had had enough.
“Hey, Max, what you doing? Why you getting up?”
“No more drinking. Let’s walk. We’re supposed to be remembering your days with me at our Uni in New York. Back when you were not a perfect Korean boy, you mama’s boy.”
“Look who’s talking. You’re a mama’s boy too. Bah! I rather get drunk. I know. We can go to my house. I have a huge bar.”
“Ohhh, does your mama know?”
“Oh, Max, I missed you. You should have visited sooner.”
“You should have stayed back home, Kyuhyun. Trading the States for South Korea… seriously. Next your mom will have you marry some vapid gold-digger.”
“It won’t be so bad. We do have some very pretty girls here and I earn more than you do.”
“Not for long.”
“Huh? What have you done this time?”
“Ah! Not what your dirty mind is thinking. I was simply work efficient. That’s all. I swear. Really! Don’t look at me like that. I know you don’t approve of Yunho but I don’t need him anymore. I just got promoted all on my own merits.”
“Ok, there’s a story here. Wasn’t he purposefully hiding and holding you back?”
Changmin laughed with an evil glint that had Kyuhyun shaking his head at his friend.
“Ok, my apartment over extra drinks. You’re telling me all about it. I mean… skip the sex details, will you? I already know way too much about your sex life than I would ever want to know. I’m straight, remember? And not into kinky stuff.”
…
Some hours later, Changmin was still at his friend’s apartment. They were quietly watching tv when some indiscreet sounds from the other apartment reached them.
“Not again…”
“Ok, those are two guys and they are not playing sports.”
“Next door neighbour. I think he’s into S&M or BDSM or whatever you call it. You should go and introduce yourself.”
“Come on, Kyuhyun, don’t be mean. Not my fault your neighbour plays for my team.”
“I think his living room and his bedroom share walls with my living room. I get to hear more than I think they realise. It’s annoying and even disturbing. How does one know it’s really consensual? I’ve heard quite a lot of screaming. Just the other day I caught the boyfriend leaving and he could barely walk. How is that ever supposed to feel good?”
“Make up your mind. You always say you don’t want details.”
“Damn, what the hell is he doing to the guy? Ok, that sounded like pain to me.”
“I am usually a dominant but on occasion I play submissive. Which was quite handy to deal with Yunho. Trust me, there can be a lot of pleasure in pain if one is so inclined.”
“Oh, whatever. I’m off to bed. At least in my room I don’t hear this. You’re welcome to sleep on the sofa. And Max, if you… you know…”
“Masturbate to those lovely sounds, you’ll have my head off?”
“Don’t leave any evidence, ok?”
“I’ve grown up since Uni in more than just height, you know?”
“Promises, promises.”
…
Changmin was leisurely considering doing something to his erection when his mother called. Mortified, he went in search of a safe place to answer the call where she would not hear the sounds from the neighbours. Then his face light up in a warm smile answering the video call.
“Hi, mom. How are you?”
Sometime later, Changmin said his goodbyes to his mother. He was glad to see that although he was in South Korea, that fact did not cause any distress to his mother. It was a good feeling. His mother had suffered a lot because of his father and the few times they had visited South Korea as a family had been the worst. Changmin shook his head trying not to remember his father’s own mother. The woman had been terrible. Even as an adult, Changmin could still not comprehend or forgive. But all that was irrelevant looking at his mother’s smile nowadays. Nothing remained of the haunted face from before.
For a few moments a thought entered his mind. Changmin’s brain tried to convince him that his mother’s old expression of misery and resignation had been the same expression that Junsu had been wearing at the restaurant the other day. Feeling silly, he shook his head at the notion.
Returning to the living room, Changmin entertained the temptation of masturbating to the sounds of fucking from next door. One voice in particular was very arousing and even better it seemed it was from the submissive. He glanced at the time and congratulated both men for their stamina. Faint hints of words reached his ears. He could not make out the words. It sounded like pleas for mercy. Changmin tried to remember the last time he had someone begging him. It was always so incredible to hear things like “please”, “harder” or “fuck me”.
As he approached more and more to the wall, Changmin suddenly had an uncomfortable feeling. Like watching bad porn. The really bad kind where you have to wonder if the person being fucked really wants to be there. He was used to sounds in the border between pleasure and pain. The more he listened however, the more it seemed it was just pain.
His erection died away. Something was wrong next door.
…
Junsu steeled himself. It would be over soon. Really soon.
His breath left him when Yoochun entered him in one single forceful thrust. His pain threshold was quite high but emotionally he was in tatters and that just made everything worse. Besides, he still had not recovered from his last encounter with Yoochun. Normally, he would have had time to heal but not this time. The night Yoochun had failed to meet Jaejoong at the restaurant had been awful but tonight was rapidly escalating even more.
Junsu had tears falling and screams escaping. Then he had no more tears or screams. Then he found out he still had more tears and screams after all.
He had to bite down the urge to yell his safeword. His safeword no longer existed. Junsu had painfully acknowledged that as time stretched after Jaejoong had run away back in April.
The first time it happened, he dismissed it. He believed Yoochun when he said he hadn’t heard the safeword. Then it happened again. That time Junsu had yelled his safeword loud and clear. Yoochun simply ignored him. He apologized later and said it wouldn’t happen. But it did. Again and again. Until Junsu had given up.
Hell, he had gone into depression so much that he was even going to Itaewon not to drink and dance but to let himself be fucked. At least those guys only did what he permitted.
A change in pace awoke him from his musings. Yoochun was close. Soon he would be allowed to get up and leave. Maybe one day he’d leave for good.
Maybe.
…
Changmin was trying to ignore whatever was happening next door and failing. He was not hundred percent into the dom and sub culture but he had dabbled enough in it. He heard the sounds die down and hoped that the sub would be taken care of. He raced to the door and opened it. He stood in the corridor; his eyes glued to the neighbour’s door.
A tired broken looking guy emerged, clothes in disarray and half buttoned, hair a mess, face haggard and slight bruises beginning to darken. The second the man closed the door, his knees gave up and he slipped to the floor in a messy heap of limbs. A pained whimper escaped. The face was hidden and the eyes, if open, were glued to the floor, probably unseeing.
Changmin’s mouth was open in disbelief.
…
Seoul, June 06
Jaejoong hadn’t slept well in days. Not since encountering both men at the restaurant. All the betrayal and hurt he had kept at bay had returned full force. It was almost a struggle to get up and go to work. To make matters worse both men had caused several commotions at sites where he was working with their attempts to see him.
He couldn’t go on like this. He needed closure. He had no idea if that was the best thing to do but it was what he was going to do. And on his terms. Opening his phone, he sent out two simple texts.
…
Yunho was having a year to forget. He couldn’t figure out where he had gone wrong. Now, not only his personal life had gone to shit but his work life too.
Changmin had been promoted and he knew that his free fucks were over. He’d have to find someone else and it was a bitch to find anyone who enjoyed or even agreed to do breathe play outside of relationships.
Yunho had no idea how he was going to get his career back on track. He was now essentially Changmin’s subordinate. The American knew all his weak points. After all, Yunho had been mooching off Changmin’s work since the guy had slept with him for a promotion.
Everything was going to hell.
His phone beeped.
What now?
Yunho stared at his phone and stared and stared. Jaejoong was asking to meet.
…
Yoochun closed his piano and paced around his apartment. He was full of restless energy. Not even last night’s fuck with Junsu had relaxed him. In fact, he was seriously considering finding another guy. Junsu was completely tamed and becoming lame as well. Not even that sweet ass was that tempting anymore.
He needed someone new. He really wished it could be Jaejoong. Innocent beautiful Jaejoong. It seemed like his wishes were finally coming true when he saw the text message.
…
Jaejoong ignored the calls and texts. He was sure both men would show up to meet him. He was determined to put an end to any future attempts to contact him. He had run away back in April but not this time.
…
Junsu opened bleary eyes with a painful sob. His head hurt and his entire body felt sore and exhausted. Recognizing his bed, Junsu closed his eyes again and tried to return to oblivion.
“No, wake up. I know you’re tired but you need a bath and food.”
The unfamiliar voice frightened Junsu. He never brought guys to his home. Not even Yoochun had ever come here.
“Relax. Calm down. I’m not here to hurt you. I brought you home last night. You blacked out outside that asshole’s apartment.”
Junsu turned his head slowly and was astonished to see Jung Yunho’s lover looking back at him. He could even say the man was looking kindly at him, almost concerned.
I must be imagining things. Do I even remember what it is to have someone care for me?
“Hey, come on. Remain awake, please. Let me help you to the bathroom.”
Junsu suddenly became aware he was naked under his blankets. He gripped them tighter.
“Really? If I was gonna hurt you, I could have done whatever I wanted to last night. Oh, Shim Changmin. A pleasure. Come on, a bath will do you wonders. Trust me.”
I really must be out of my mind. I do want to trust him so much.
Taking Junsu’s silence for consent, Changmin approached slowly, making sure his intentions were clear and picked the man up. He was too light for his height. Changmin supressed a sigh and carried the man to the full tub of hot water.
Junsu all but melted into the water. It was bliss on his tired body.
To his surprise Changmin gently washed him. Junsu was secretly glad for it since he didn’t have the strength to move. However used he was to being naked and fucked even by total strangers, he found himself blushing furiously and trying to hide his face from Changmin.
His surprise increased when he was dried, returned to a clean bed, massaged and his cuts and bruises healed. Junsu was nearly dosing off when the smell of food had his stomach grumbling. He ate every last piece and finally Changmin covered him in blankets and let him sleep.
…
Jaejoong sat down with his cup of coffee and watched the people walking around in the park. It was his favourite one and he had often come here with Yunho whenever the man could take time off from work. Their first date had been here.
“Jae, baby!”
Jaejoong jumped away. Yunho had tried hugging him.
“Jae?”
“Stay back.”
“Baby? Please, I missed you so much. I’m so sorry. It was those messages…”
“Stop! I only contacted you to finish things off for good.”
“What? No! Jae, you can’t!”
“Yes, I can! You cheated on me! Probably since the very beginning!”
“No! I…”
“Yunho, I know about Shim Changmin. Don’t even try to lie to me. But that’s not even the worst. I can’t believe you’re still trying to talk to me. You tried to… What were you going to do to me that night on the car? No, Yunho. No, no, no. Stop trying to contact me. It’s over. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
“Yoochun. Yoochun and his lies. You can’t believe him. I love you, baby. We’re perfect together.”
“Oh, please, stop. We were far from perfect. After leaving I finally saw lots of things I kept dismissing before. You gave me little attention and never cared for what I wanted or needed. I was just arm candy to you. This sort of trophy you could show off around.”
“How can you say that? I went against my parents for you! I’m openly gay even at work. You do remember this is South Korea?”
“You didn’t came out to your parents. They caught us together cause you couldn’t wait. You’re just lucky they were open minded enough about it. And so lucky that I ended up letting you trick me into playing the role of a perfect house wife. Everything was always about what you needed, wanted, desired. Even when I didn’t like something I ended up caving. In my mind I was doing the adult thing, working for a relationship. Dear heavens, the only point where I didn’t give in to you was letting you choke me. Everything else… Fuck it! Last time I topped was with my ex. You’d freak out if even a pinky got anywhere near your ass. Always what you wanted. In everything.”
“You like being fucked! I’ve no idea why you never wanted to try more stuff in bed. But… ok, ok. Forget that. Our sex life is good. I always made you feel good, right? And you really should have listened to me about Yoochun!”
“Yunho, I called you here to say goodbye. It’s over. As much as I loved you before, now I only despise you. I never want to see you again. There’s nothing you can say or do that would make me ever forgive your cheating ass. I didn’t press charges for that night but try to come near me again and I’ll report you so fast you won’t know what hit you.”
“What lies did Yoochun put in your head?”
“He has nothing to do with this. Let it go, Yunho. Just… “
Jaejoong stopped and looked into Yunho’s eyes. With an exausted sigh, he simply turned and walked away. He had a second of fear that Yunho would grab him but the park was full of people and the model soon disappeared out of sight.
Yunho was left standing in the same spot, his mind a fury of thoughts. He couldn’t understand. Was Jaejoong really ending everything?
…
Changmin stretched his muscles. Junsu’s sofa was extremely comfortable and he had slept wonderfully. He listened for sounds but Junsu was still sleeping. He cursed Yoochun again. Aftercare was one of the most important aspects of rough sex, especially if it went beyond just a hard fuck. He couldn’t begin to imagine how the hell Junsu had managed before. Luckily it was the weekend and he could give his full attention to the man. He wondered why but shrugged it aside. It was no brainer. Junsu was fit and hot and delicious and seeing him naked - even hurt - had been an exercise in self-control and restraint.
I am so going to steal Junsu from that asshole.
…
Junsu woke up well rested and incredibly hungry. He smiled at the memory of Shim Changmin. He had no idea it could feel so good to be taken care of like that. Testing his muscles, Junsu found he felt much better. He put on his sweat pants and an old baggy t-shirt and decided to go look for food.
Yawning, Junsu half stumbled towards the kitchen only to be met with the vision of Changmin sleeping sprawled in his sofa.
Damn, he’s gorgeous. And with Yunho, remember? Does that mean he’s a bottom? What a waste.
Changmin opened his eyes and jumped to his feet.
“Oh, sorry. I really didn’t mean to overstay my welcome. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m much better, thank you. And… well… thank you so much for your help last night. How the hell did you end up outside Yoochun’s apartment?”
“My friend Kyuhyun lives next door.”
“Ah, he studied in America, right? Look, I’m going to cook something for dinner. I’m starving. Why don’t you join me? It’s the least I can do to thank you.”
“And I’ll say yes, please. I’m starving too. Cook, huh? Real homemade Korean food?”
“Off course.”
“If it’s anything like my mom’s cooking I might just have to marry you.”
“Careful, you might have to order the invitations while I cook.”
Changmin found himself laughing as he followed Junsu to the kitchen.
…
Yoochun happily sat at the bar nursing his drink and staring at the entrance. Jaejoong walked in like a vision capturing every eye in the crowded space.
“Jae, you came. I’m so happy to see you again. We need to talk. You have to let me explain everything.”
“Don’t bother. There’s only one thing I came here to say. Stop trying to contact me.”
“What? No, Jae. Look, it’s all a misunderstanding. Yunho was cheating on you. Hell, you must have seen his lover at the restaurant.”
“Yes, I did. I also saw your lover. Of whom I knew nothing about. Apparently because he was practice. God, you’re even worse than Yunho. I can’t even look at you. There’s no way I can forgive Yunho but you… you… Oh, Chunnie, how could you?”
“How the hell am I worse than that cheating bastard?”
“Friends are supposed to be for life, the ones you can count on when even lovers let you down. I ran to you when Yunho ruined everything and I was still trying to understand what had happened. Only to find that, regardless of Yunho’s behaviour, you were never anything like I thought you were. Our friendship meant nothing to you. You just wanted into my pants. Regardless of how. Oh, yeahhh. Awesome. Because of your little stunt Yunho could have seriously hurt me. Don’t you ever show up in front of me again.”
“If not for me, you’d still be with Yunho. I opened your eyes.”
“Is that really the only way you had to let me know what he was doing behind my back? Don’t even try, Yoochun. Just leave me the hell alone.”
Yoochun watched Jaejoong walk away with a cry of disbelief. He got up and raced after the model only to be met with a fist to his face.
“I mean it.”
While Yoochun sat on the floor rubbing his sore jaw, the model disappeared among the crowd outside.
…
New York, November 21
Jaejoong trudged along the airport and then switched to casual strolling when he caught sight of the reporters wanting to catch him and the other models. The agency PR gave a short statement and then they were directed to the awaiting vans.
Later that day, Jaejoong went with friends to the new trendiest bar. To his utter bewilderment he spotted Kim Junsu dancing on the floor. With none other than Shim Changmin.
“Well, of all the things…”
“What is it?”
“Just had a blast from the past.”
“Where? Ohhhh, that sexy Korean couple? Damn, that’s not dancing. Do they have a permit for those hip moves? Think I’ll go join them.”
“Steve, those two are into hardcore. You better be careful.”
“Really? Everyone else has all the fun. I want in on that. Ok, wish me luck.”
Jaejoong watched with curiosity as Steve approached the dancing couple. The two men seemed to decline and pretty soon Steve returned with a pout.
“Damn all exclusive couples. All the cute ones are always taken.”
“Hey, excuse me. I’m still single.”
“Yeah, until we go back home to Milan and that gorgeous fit muscled dreamy drool worthy football player gets you to go on a second date. Did he really topped and bottomed? Bottomed? How is that possible? And did you really had sex on a first date? Hot steamy sex? How is that possible? World is going crazy. I’m the only one still single here. And look at me. The world is not fair.”
“When you stop complaining there are at least three cute guys checking you out.”
“Bah, probably looking at you.”
“Wanna bet?”
…
Junsu leaned happily against Changmin as the tall black model like man walked away. Being taken and happy didn’t mean he could not look at sexy things.
Changmin felt Junsu suddenly tense.
“What is it, Hot Bun?”
“Isn’t that Kim Jaejoong?”
“God, damn. Yep, it is. Hum… You still have that idea about wanting to tell him you’re sorry?”
“He kinda deserves it, no?”
“Well, Yunho and Yoochun were the real arseholes but we did kinda help. Fine. Just know that if he punches me, you’re giving me a full body massage.”
“Oh, my Tall Hunk. Afraid of a skinny guy? I might swoon.”
“Shut up. He really might punch us or throw something in your faces.”
Junsu and Changmin both turned to look in Jaejoong’s direction and the model caught their eyes. To their utter surprise the model gave a half smile and toasted them before returning to his friends.
“Well… guess we are forgiven.”
“He really is something, isn’t he?”
...