(Untitled)

[mcquvient]

This is July's and August's combined >.< Gomen

Heh. Did not mean to leave this so late into the month... but shit kept happening all through out this month... Not really excuessable, but anyway...
Here is July's

Title: Clock
Fandom: Original
Rating: Semi dark, angst, character death, slightly graphic.
Duration: Not sure yet...

Note: Ratings

Comments

[mcquvient]

um, ya, i went ahead and posted the first chapter... my summary is basically my outline. i can't tell you more since i usually just write as i go... lol

just read it and give it a chance? i know where i am basically headed, so don't worry. ^^;;;a

if you still want a more detailed outline, i can make one, okay?

[aerlyn]

Okay...well, the outline idea was so you'd have direction to help you write, avoid writer's block, and get some comments and advice before you actually start....but a prologue works, too.

I like the clock theme, with the ideas of sound and perpetual motion. It would be kinda neat if you carried the theme through the scenes of the accident and the uncle's house, too. Oh, and I'm a little unsure of your imagery in one part...I imagine a number of unsyncronized clocks to be more of a cacophany than a symphony, but if Seth finds the noise to be more melodic, perhaps you could expand on the reasons for that?

"You are going to be living with yur uncle and aunt from now on, okay? Be a good boy, alright, in the memories of your parents..."
I'm not really sure what this means... "in the memories of your parents". Is this some kind of saying?

[mcquvient]

i will go back and work on the clock part, at this point in life, being a 10 years old seth, he hates the sound but will like it later. i guess i went ahead of myself there.

as for that saying, it's refering to being a good boy, kind of like saying "your parents would want you to be happy and be good for your uncle and aunt." not exactly the best thing to say to someone who's just been orphaned.

if you are still unclear, let me know. and thanks for the feedback.

[aerlyn]

That sounds better! just a bit of expansion on those two points really helps, I think.

[bobangk]

:3 Rather nice pacing. Now I finally know the parent's names.>XD I like that.
Though I've no idea what direction it's gonna be headed to,like Rin said, use of sound words are awsome.>X3 For me too, near the end was tad vague. It might have been nicer if you've used more description of outer settings and what's going on rather than internal reflective dialogues.^_^

[mcquvient]

thank yu for letting me know, i will fix it soon as i can