Real Men of Genius
There is the awesome-est guy at my gym, seriously. I so wish that I had a camera in my brain, just so I could show everyone what I mean when I refer to his awesomeness. I usually run into him at the pool. He's not fat by any means, even though he's got a substantial beer belly, but he's solid; he's not a small guy. He's middle-aged, but he's a perfectly even shade of carmel all over (and I'm pretty sure it's ALL over), and he's got long brown hair down to the middle of his back. But all of this pales in comparison to his bathing suit: it's a teeny neon pink banana hammock. Seriously, I nearly choked on the pool water the first time I saw him. Totally awesome.
But wait! It gets better! I finally saw him leaving the gym in his street clothes, and I nearly walked into a wall from the awesomeness. He obviously let his hair flow gracefully behind him, but he was wearing a bright yellow tank top, layers of necklaces and (here's the good part) itty bitty jean shorts. And when I say shorts, I mean SHORTS. Like, they were shorter than your average Daisy Dukes; these were teeny tiny shorts. BUT WAIT, that's not even the best part!!! The best part? These teeny shorts were not zipper front, or even button... they were LACE UP front. And it gets better still! The shorts weren't fully laced!!! The bright yellow shoe strings were tightened up the front, but NOT TIED. I assume that there had to be buttons underneath, otherwise it seems that it would be physically impossible to keep those things on, but the overall effect is the same. I nearly died.
And so, I salute you, Teeny Tiny Shorts Wearing Guy At My Gym.
Most people would let public decency, or at the very least, fear of pulling a full monty in the middle of Tokyo, distract them from their desire to wear itty bitty clothing, but not you!
You wear clothing that says, "Look at me. I am a man. And if I sneeze, I'll end up proving it to you." (Does it feel breezy?)
So here's to you, Mr. Teeny Tiny Shorts Wearing Guy At My Gym. May you continue to show courage in the face of modern decency. Just try not to show anything else.
But wait! It gets better! I finally saw him leaving the gym in his street clothes, and I nearly walked into a wall from the awesomeness. He obviously let his hair flow gracefully behind him, but he was wearing a bright yellow tank top, layers of necklaces and (here's the good part) itty bitty jean shorts. And when I say shorts, I mean SHORTS. Like, they were shorter than your average Daisy Dukes; these were teeny tiny shorts. BUT WAIT, that's not even the best part!!! The best part? These teeny shorts were not zipper front, or even button... they were LACE UP front. And it gets better still! The shorts weren't fully laced!!! The bright yellow shoe strings were tightened up the front, but NOT TIED. I assume that there had to be buttons underneath, otherwise it seems that it would be physically impossible to keep those things on, but the overall effect is the same. I nearly died.
And so, I salute you, Teeny Tiny Shorts Wearing Guy At My Gym.
Most people would let public decency, or at the very least, fear of pulling a full monty in the middle of Tokyo, distract them from their desire to wear itty bitty clothing, but not you!
You wear clothing that says, "Look at me. I am a man. And if I sneeze, I'll end up proving it to you." (Does it feel breezy?)
So here's to you, Mr. Teeny Tiny Shorts Wearing Guy At My Gym. May you continue to show courage in the face of modern decency. Just try not to show anything else.