Fifty Shades of Fear - Chapter 7
Chapter Six | Table of Contents | Chapter Eight
Title: Chapter 7
Fandom: Fifty Shades
Word Count: 4,977
Summary: Anastasia "Stacy" Steele does a favor for a friend and ends up coming to the attention of the enigmatic millionaire Christian Grey. While flattered at first, she comes to realize that being the singular focus of such a man is definitely not a good thing...
Author's Notes: This is a canon-rewrite-spitefic that will (eventually) spin off into its own story. Thank you to Gehayi & Ket Makura for allowing me to "borrow" Stacy from the Fifty Shades sporking they're doing. Thank you to my betas - Jaid, Imouto, and Bel - for all of the wonderful feedback you've given me. ♥
Standard Disclaimer: I am not E.L. James, because if I was, a) I would've written Fifty Shades in a more realistic and significantly less craptastic way, and b) the porn wouldn't be horrendous. She owns her respective characters and plot what plot. This story is for entertainment purposes only, no money is being made, blah blah blah, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. TLDR: Not my universe.
†
Friday morning has me waking with electric knots in my stomach. Today is the day! Today, I graduate. I can't help the silly smile on my face. I roll out of bed and make for the shower. I want to be nice and clean, and also be able to give Kate enough time to do my makeup. I don't wear the stuff myself, so I haven't the faintest clue on how to apply anything besides chapstick.
A couple hours later, I'm prettied up and wearing one of Kate's dresses as I had a last-minute panic attack about the dress I'd originally picked out. My best friend knows me too well, because she hadn't even batted an eye before pulling a dress out of her closet. I suspect this is the reason she hasn't packed up her own bedroom just yet.
The important thing is that I'm ready. I'm feeling much calmer than I have for the past few days. Grey hasn't contacted me, and the books he gave me were dropped off at Goodwill along with a few boxes of other stuff we decided we didn't need but were still in good condition.
I smile as I think about the coming ceremony. Kate worked hard to get her degree and the designation of valedictorian for her college. I worked hard too, but I certainly wasn't the highest-ranked student in my college. Those are for the more ambitious types. I just wanted to pass my classes the best I could. And knowing that we were both going to get summa cum laude on our diplomas was the cherry on my sundae.
I sip my tea, careful to keep the lipstick stains on the Styrofoam cup in one spot while I wait for Ray to pick me up. I'm so happy he'll be able to make it. Mom already called the other day; apparently Bob got himself hurt while on a golf course and has trouble walking enough that she felt nervous about leaving him. It hurt a little that she wouldn't be coming, but I believed her when she said that she would have come if she could. I assured her it was okay, really, and to take care of Bob.
There's a knock at the door, and I put my tea down to go answer it. I check the peephole, then quickly open the door. A warm surge of gratitude and love for this uncomplicated man who is my father streaks through me, and I throw my arms around him to hug him tight.
"Hey, Annie, I’m pleased to see you too," Ray mutters as he hugs me. Annie is his special nickname for me, and he's the only one permitted to use it. Setting me back, his hands on my shoulders, he looks me up and down, his brow furrowed. "You okay, kid?"
"Of course, Dad, can’t a girl be pleased to see her old man?" I smile.
He smiles, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners, and follows me into the living area. "You look good," he says approvingly.
"Thanks," I smile as I let him in.
He looks around at the piles of boxes in the living room, his hands tucked into pockets of his trousers. "Should we be heading on over?"
"In just a sec," I reply. "I was having some tea, so I need to put that in the fridge and touch up my makeup."
"Since when do you wear makeup?" he asks with gruff humor.
I laugh as I head to the dining area. "Since the Kate-fairy tapped me with her magic makeup brush."
"Where is Kate, by the way?"
"She's gone on ahead. Something about how giving a speech means she has to be early."
"Mmhmm," he intones.
I get the tea put away in the fridge, then I go to the bathroom to do a quick check of my makeup and hair, and to freshen my lipstick before coming out again. I put the lipstick in my purse and head over to him. "Okay, I'm ready."
"You sure 'bout that?" he smiles.
"Da~ad," I whine.
He just smiles more, and lets me usher him out the door.
Ray pulls his car into the parking lot, and helps me get into my cap and gown. He is kind and offers to hold my purse for the ceremony. I put my arm around his as we follow the streams of humanity that become the mass trying to find where they need to go at the Sleep Country Amphitheater. Wazzu Vancouver doesn't have an auditorium like the Pullman campus does, so the school has to rent out the Amphitheater for commencements. Suits me fine. It's a fine May day, and it shouldn't get too warm.
It stops being so fine when we meet up with José and his dad. I hadn't rescinded the invitation for José to come to my graduation, but our greetings are stiff, and there's none of the casual affection that would've been there before that night at the club. Both of our fathers notice - I can tell by the look they share - but neither José nor I volunteer any information. I might get grilled later, but José was probably going to have no such reprieve from our fathers.
Finally we reach the point where we must separate. "I still look okay?" I ask Ray, adjusting my cap a little. It's bobby-pinned in place, but I still worry it might slip.
Ray nods his head. "Good luck, Annie," he says, tucking a hair back behind my ear. "I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks, Dad." I squeeze his hands, say goodbye to the Rodriguezes, and go to find where the graduates of my college are so I can find out where I need to sit.
I find the girl holding the sign for College of Arts and Sciences, and after identifying myself to the teacher with the clipboard I get in line, and then wait. It feels like I'm waiting forever in these heeled shoes of mine. I daydream about receiving my diploma. Bachelor of Arts in English, it will read, with a focus on Literary Studies. Ray said he'd pay to get it framed for me, as a graduation present. Truly, he's the best dad in the world.
Movement interrupts my imaginings. We're heading into the Amphitheater.
The Amphitheater is as crowded as I expected. The stage at the front is decked out in Wazzu's colors, a banner emblazoned with Washington State University spread across the front of the stage. There's a podium and chairs, some of which have robed faculty sitting in them. Most are empty. There's a dull roar of hundreds of voices overlapping, and after I get into my seat I crane my neck around, trying to spot Ray. Unfortunately, I can't. I wonder if he can see me, too. Maybe I should have done what plenty of other students did, and decorate the top of my cap in a distinctive way. Too late now.
I watch the stage for lack of anything else to do, and my happy smile dies as I see Christian Grey get onto the stage. Right. He's handing out degrees. Bloody effing hell. I don't want to see him. Thankfully, Kate comes out before too long and sits a chair away from Christian. I watch them; he says something to her and she replies, but she's using excellent body language to convey the fact she does not want to talk with him. When he looks out at the sea of students, I try to duck down a little. I don't want him to see me.
At one o'clock, a voice comes on the loudspeakers to present the campus Chancellor. Applause rolls out, and the ceremony begins.
I tune out most of what's happening, waiting for two specific instances - Kate's speech and my turn for walking. When it's Kate's turn to speak, I'm one of the ones clapping furiously as she steps to the podium. I hear some whistles, too, and Kate just beams at everyone. She waits a handful of moments, looking at the captivated throng, and then launches eloquently into her speech. I feel so proud of her at that moment. Even though I have heard her speech before, I listen carefully. She commands the room and takes her audience with her.
Her theme is What Next After College? Oh, what next indeed. Grey is watching Kate, his eyebrows slightly raised - in surprise, I think. I know Kate wouldn't have given him the time of day, though. Then I push any thoughts of Grey from my mind so as to focus more on Kate.
When she concludes her speech, spontaneously everyone stands, applauding and cheering. I beam at her and cheer along, and she grins back at me when her eyes find mine. Good job, Kate. She sits, as does the audience, and the Chancellor rises and introduces Grey. Oh, how lovely, Grey's going to give a speech, I think sarcastically. The Chancellor begins with Grey's achievements: CEO of his own extraordinarily successful company, a real self-made man...
Bullshit. Kate told me that in order to be a corporation, he has to have a Board of Directors, and other chief officers. Otherwise, he couldn't be a Chief Executive Officer. She'd had to leave that bit out of the article lest she get accused of libel or starting an unsubstantiated rumor, but going by that bit he said, we guess his Board of Directors are probably a bunch of yes-men with specialties.
The Chancellor concludes with, "And also a major benefactor to our University, please welcome, Mr. Christian Grey." I'm grimly amused that the applause for Grey is much more polite than the response Kate got.
Grey begins, his voice soft and measured. "I'm profoundly grateful and touched by the great compliment accorded to me by the authorities of Wazzu today. It offers me a rare opportunity to talk about the impressive work of the environmental science department here at the University. Our aim is to develop viable and ecologically sustainable methods of farming for third world countries; our ultimate goal is to help eradicate hunger and poverty across the globe. Over a billion people, mainly in Sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and Latin America, live in abject poverty. Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world and the result is ecological and social destruction. I have known what it’s like to be profoundly hungry. This is a very personal journey for me..."
Uh-huh, I think sarcastically. And I start picking the dirt out from under my nails as he drones on.
When he finally does finish his speech, he smiles briefly at the warm applause - even Kate is clapping - then he resumes his seat.
After that, the long and truthfully rather tedious process of getting our degrees begin. I sit, waiting for my row to be told to stand. We're called, and I feel the trepidation get heavier with each step that brings me closer to the stage - and to him. Finally, my name is called, and I mount the stairs to the stage.
"Congratulations, Miss Steele," he says as he shakes my hand, squeezing it gently. His eyes, however, are as intense as ever.
My own handshake leaves a lot to be desired. "Thank you, sir," I reply. I accept the rolled-up paper from him, and walk quickly to where the Chancellor is, shake his hand, and then get down off the stage.
It takes another half an hour or so for everyone to get their degree, and finally it's time to move our tassels from right to left. That's it. We are all now graduates. There's a loud whooping, and some of the more excitable students throw their caps up in the air despite teachers telling us not to. I shake my head, and start moving along to where I'd promised to meet Ray and José.
I haven't gotten all that far when a hand firmly grasps my elbow. "A word with you, Miss Steele," a familiar voice says in my ear. Grey starts pulling me along.
"Hey!" I snap, trying to wrench my arm free. "Let go!" Amazingly, my words have the desired effect. Probably because it gets one or two persons' attention. The fact there were other people around makes me feel somewhat braver in dealing with him. "If you want to talk to me, you can do it here."
He glowers at me, forcefully enough that I take a half-step back. "What I wish to discuss with you," he says as quietly as the chaos around us will allow, "is better done in private."
Scary how simple inflection can make two words sound so ominous. "I-I don't think that's a good idea," I stammer. Kate or Ray showing up about now would be so very welcome.
"I do. Anastasia, please." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just have a few questions for you, and I don't want them becoming public fodder." His eyes cloud with irritation when I don't reply. "I'm not going to hurt you," he tells me. "Not unless you want me to."
I boggle at him - the hell does he mean!? - and he takes that as his cue to usher me along once more. I'm a bit stunned still by his statement, but I do have the presence of mind to yank my arm away from him again. He then puts his hand at the small of my back, firm and pushing. I'm reminded of the elevator and how easily he had pinned me, and I have a spike of panic. I'm urged at a quick trot through the thinning crowd, my eyes desperately searching for a familiar face. Grey leads the way to a family restroom that is unfortunately not in use, and he shoves me inside. I stumble hard but miraculously don't fall, though my cap's not so lucky and it hits the floor. I hear a quiet click of the door's lock being engaged. Oh shit. I turn to face him, my heart pounding.
He's leaning against the door, his eyes boring into me. "Why are you avoiding me?" he asks softly.
Because you scare me. I look away, my fingers fiddling with the stole about my shoulders for a moment before I wipe my hands on my thighs. "I really have to be going. My dad, he's waiting for me."
"He can wait a little longer," Grey says, and steps closer to me. I step back, and irritation crosses his face. He reaches out and grabs my chin before I can stop him. "Answer me."
I gulp, my hands grabbing his wrist. "Y-you said yourself that I s-should stay away," I manage, tremors coursing through me.
His gray eyes cloud with anger that chills me, and he says nothing for several moments. "I can't stay away from you," he murmurs. "You're the flame to my moth, Anastasia. I want to know you're all right. I want to show you... Oh, so much." He lets go of my chin, and shifts his hand so his fingers rest on my neck and his thumb can stroke my cheek.
Logically, I know I should yank his hand away, but I'm frankly too scared. With the instinct of a small hunted creature, I stay still, hoping he'll just go away. He stares at me so much, and I'm afraid he'll kiss me again. He does lean in, and I turn my head to the side, away from his hand. "Look at me," he orders. I reluctantly do, and his thumb strokes my cheek again. "I want to see you again."
"I don't," I tell him quietly. There. I said it.
His eyes widen in shock, and he looks hurt. "What?" he breathes, and I can feel his breath on my lips.
I close my eyes so I don't have to look at him. "I don't want to see you," I make myself say aloud.
Abruptly he lets go of my chin, and when I open my eyes again I see he's stepped back. The fury in his eyes as he rakes a hand through his hair makes my knees shake. "Why the fuck not?" he hisses at me.
I hesitate, and at that point someone raps sharply on the door. "Hello? Could you hurry up?" an irritated woman's voice calls. "I've got diapers to change, thank you!"
Grey's eyes bore into mine, and it takes everything I have not to shrink away from the malevolence I see there. "We'll talk later," he promises in a low tone, then snaps the lock open before storming out.
The woman starts coming in with her children, and gives me a glare. "Are you done?" she demands snippily.
"Y-yes," I stammer. I go to hurry out of the restroom.
"Your cap," she says impatiently.
"What?"
"It's on the floor."
I turn back. I'd forgotten it. I scoop it up quickly and flee from the restroom, but not before I overhear the woman muttering about stupid college kids. Once outside and a bit away from the restroom, I take a moment to try and calm down. Grey is nowhere to be seen, for which I am glad. I run a hand over my hair and feel the bobby pins sticking up. Needing the distraction, I start picking them out of my hair. I can't go find Ray like this. I don't want to be upset on what should be a happy day. But Grey scared me, badly.
"Stacy?"
I turn at my name, and sag in relief when I see Kate. I rush over to her, and hug her tightly. She hugs me back, though I can tell she's confused. "Stacy, are you all right?"
"I'm, I'm fine," I tell her, smiling to try and banish the encounter with Grey from my mind. "I'm-Your speech was wonderful, as usual. And congratulations again on making valedictorian."
Kate's looking at my closely, her green eyes sharp. "Did he bother you?" she asks in a low tone.
Damn you for being so observant, Kate. I shake my head. "No. He said he wanted to see me again. I told him I didn't want to see him, and he left."
"Just like that?" she wants to know.
"Just like that."
She studies me a little more, before pulling me back into another hug. "Then put him from your mind. This is our day to celebrate," she says, letting me go to link her arm with mine. "My family found your dad, José's dad, and José. We started worrying when you didn't show up, too, so I volunteered to look for you."
I smile at her. "You're the best, Kate."
"I know~" she winks at me.
We find the rest of the group, and Kate's brother Ethan spins me around in his arms before giving me a good hug. I hug him back, glad to see him. He's a great guy, and having my friends and family around is doing a fantastic job of helping me forget Grey. Even having José around isn't bothering me, though he's as careful as I to keep everything platonic. I don't want our friendship to be ruined, but at the same time, I'm not real keen on forgiving him just yet.
The lot of us gets pictures of Kate and me in our cap and gowns and holding our 'diplomas'. Our actual diplomas will get mailed to us in a couple months, and I can't wait to get mine. It's going to get framed and hung on my wall over my desk. After the pictures, we all go out to eat, jostling for a table against the many families who all have the same idea. There's lots of chatter, mostly about the classes we finished as well as Kate's and my impending move, along with future plans once we're established in Seattle. I'm excited all over again.
All too soon, though, we're going our separate ways. Kate's family wants to take her on a celebratory shopping trip and José has to leave with his dad. I give Kate and her family hugs, and José Sr. gets one too. José gets nothing, and he accepts that with an awkward smile. Then it's just Ray and I. We head back to my apartment.
I put a kettle of hot water from the sink onto the stove so it can boil, and as it's heating I quickly change from the dress into more normal clothes and then wash the makeup from my face. I feel more myself as I go back to the dining area. Which is good, because Ray apparently has some questions.
"José says you and he had a fight," he begins, his voice quiet and gentle. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," I say as I fiddle with the tea bags. Herbal for me, black for him. Mom had complained that tea was Ray's solution to everything, but I find tea to be soothing. It's another thing he and I share. The scream of the kettle startles me momentarily. I lift the kettle off the burner and turn that off. Then I pour the water into the Styrofoam cups, setting the kettle down on a cool burner before bringing both cups to the table and set them down. The Tupperware of sugar and a plastic spoon is retrieved for Ray. "It's kinda personal," I comment as I sit adjacent to him.
He reaches over and lays a hand over mine. "Annie," he says softly.
I look up at him, tears stinging my eyes. I can't keep anything from him, not when he's asking. "He wants to be more than friends," I reply quietly. "I don't. He... got insistent, and since we'd been out drinking, I threw up on him."
Ray's brow furrows. He squeezes my hand gently, and I squeeze back. "How insistent did he get?"
"He tried to kiss me." I wince in anticipation of Ray's reaction.
"I see." He uses his free hand to bob the tea bag in the cup. "So you threw up on him instead of kneeing him in the balls?"
I nod.
"Well. That's one way to show your disapproval," he says, and gives me a small smile.
I smile back. "I'm glad you agree."
He lets go of my hand and uses both hands to hold his cup. "You sure you don't want me to help out with the move Sunday?"
"No, we've got it," I assure him. "Kate's friends gave the moving company we're using glowing reviews. And besides, I don't want you to accidentally hurt your back."
"I'm not that old," he grumbles.
"No, you're not," I agree, smiling again. "And I'm going to make sure nothing happens to you."
Ray leaves at around dusk, which is just before Kate gets home. She's laden with shopping bags. Ethan's carrying a few, too, and seeing the two of them together just reminds me how much they look alike, though Ethan's blond hair has a brownish tinge where Kate is strawberry. Ethan takes the bags to Kate's room, but he's still carrying one small bag when he comes back and gives me a hug again. "Congratulations, Stacy. This is for you," he says, smiling, "from the family."
"Oh, thank you," I say as take the bag. Inside is a flat, black, fuzzy jeweler's box that has my eyebrows lifting in surprise. I open the box and gasp at the string of perfect pearls. "Oh, this is too much!" I protest.
Kate comes up then, grinning, and puts an arm around my shoulders. "It most certainly is not," she informs me. "The 'rents wanted to get you something, and every girl should have a string of pearls. You can wear them with pride whenever you go in for an interview."
I grin foolishly as I give them both hugs. "Thank you," I say, "thank you."
"You're welcome," Ethan replies, and ruffles my hair. "Well, I have to be going before the parents start honking. Take care, Stacy. You too, Kate." He gives his sister a kiss on the cheek before he heads out.
Kate closes the door behind him, and I lightly touch the smooth pearls. "Really, Kate, you shouldn't have."
"They're not from me, remember?"
I give her a look that's softened by amusement. "I'm sure you gave them the idea, though," I say.
"Maybe I did," she smirks. "But I'm serious when I said that they wanted to get you something, and they asked my advice."
"They're beautiful," I smile. "I almost want to wear them to work tomorrow."
Kate laughs. "Pearls in a hardware store? Stace, I taught you better than that."
I laugh, too. "Yes, but, tomorrow's my last day!"
"No need to rub it in that you're moving to bigger and better things," she teases. "I thought you liked the Claytons."
"I do," I reply, sticking my tongue out at her. "Fine, fine, no pearls tomorrow."
"Good girl. Like I said, save them for interviews."
The next day, I go to work like normal. At about an hour before I'm due to clock out for the last time, the Claytons surprise me with a little farewell party that includes a card that's signed by everyone, and a small chocolate cake. I'm in tears that they would think so well of me, and I hug both Mr. and Mrs. Clayton. They say it's the least they can do for the four years of hard work I've given them. Paul also gives me a hug, and John and Patrick shake my hand. They wish me luck in my endeavors in Seattle, and as a final surprise Mr. Clayton says I can take my last hour off, paid. I decide to stick around and eat my cake and chat with Mrs. Clayton about what I hope to do, and where I've applied for internships. I'm telling her about how I really hope to get hired by Seattle Independent Publishing out of the four companies I applied to when Paul ducks back into the break room.
"Stacy, Christian Grey's here again, asking to see you," he says. My immediate thought of oh shit must have been visible on my face, because he quickly follows up with, "I can tell him you're busy if you want."
"Is everything all right, Stacy?" Mrs. Clayton asks, concerned.
I tuck my hair behind my ear. "No, it's okay," I reply. "I'll go see him."
"You sure?" Paul asks.
I nod as I put my plate of cake down. "Yeah." I smile in what I hope is a reassuring manner. "Is he up front? I'll be back soon," I add when Paul nods. I steel myself the best I can before heading out of the break room.
My steps slow when I see him by the register. Just like last time, he's dressed in casual clothes and looking ridiculously good, but all I feel is a sense of dread. He smiles at me, calm as can be. "Anastasia," he murmurs.
"Grey," I reply tersely. "How can I help you?"
His eyes flash, presumably at the lack of a prefix. "I wanted to speak with you," he says, voice still calm.
"You're doing so now," I retort, my extreme nervousness making my voice sharp.
Irritation flickers over his face but quickly morphs into something more earnest. "Not here. Please. Outside. I promise it won't take long."
I eye him for several moments before nodding. I'll go out into the parking lot, but I'm not going anywhere near the cars. It's times like this that I'm grateful the parking lot doesn't allow for parking right up against the store's front 'stoop'.
He leads the way, even going so far as to hold the door open for me. I thank him awkwardly, and let him walk off to the side. I balk when he tries to turn the corner, however. "No. I'm stopping here. Say what you want to say, so I can get back to work," I tell him. The wind blows some hair into my face, so I tuck it back behind my ear.
He turns back to me, his eyes clouding as he slips his hands into his jeans pockets. The wind also tugs at his hair, making it look like what I imagine is bedroom-mussed. "I couldn't get our conversation from yesterday out of my mind. Frankly, I don't understand. Why don't you want to see me again?"
My jaw drops open a little as I hear the genuine incredulity in his voice. "You... You don't..." I'm so flummoxed I can't even get the words out. And my cheeks heat with the embarrassment of even thinking of mentioning what had happened in the elevator. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to talk about it, especially not with him. Was he really that clueless?
Yes, I decide as I study his face, he is.
Disgusted with him for being an ass and with myself for agreeing to talk to him, I spin around on my heel and go to head back into the store when he grabs my wrist. I freeze, chilled, and look back at him.
"Anastasia, I don't know what I did wrong, but I want to make it right. Please. Give me the chance," he beseeches me, his gray eyes pleading.
"Let me go," I respond, my voice higher than normal. His hand tightens when I try to pull away, before he reluctantly lets me go. "Leave me alone, Grey."
"Stacy-"
I whirl on him. "Don't. Don't you dare call me that. You're not my friend. You've no right. Goodbye." And not giving him another moment of my time, I hurry back into the store.
The look in his eyes, the fury mixed with confusion, unfortunately stays with me.
Chapter Six | Table of Contents | Chapter Eight
Title: Chapter 7
Fandom: Fifty Shades
Word Count: 4,977
Summary: Anastasia "Stacy" Steele does a favor for a friend and ends up coming to the attention of the enigmatic millionaire Christian Grey. While flattered at first, she comes to realize that being the singular focus of such a man is definitely not a good thing...
Author's Notes: This is a canon-rewrite-spitefic that will (eventually) spin off into its own story. Thank you to Gehayi & Ket Makura for allowing me to "borrow" Stacy from the Fifty Shades sporking they're doing. Thank you to my betas - Jaid, Imouto, and Bel - for all of the wonderful feedback you've given me. ♥
Standard Disclaimer: I am not E.L. James, because if I was, a) I would've written Fifty Shades in a more realistic and significantly less craptastic way, and b) the porn wouldn't be horrendous. She owns her respective characters and plot what plot. This story is for entertainment purposes only, no money is being made, blah blah blah, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. TLDR: Not my universe.
†
Friday morning has me waking with electric knots in my stomach. Today is the day! Today, I graduate. I can't help the silly smile on my face. I roll out of bed and make for the shower. I want to be nice and clean, and also be able to give Kate enough time to do my makeup. I don't wear the stuff myself, so I haven't the faintest clue on how to apply anything besides chapstick.
A couple hours later, I'm prettied up and wearing one of Kate's dresses as I had a last-minute panic attack about the dress I'd originally picked out. My best friend knows me too well, because she hadn't even batted an eye before pulling a dress out of her closet. I suspect this is the reason she hasn't packed up her own bedroom just yet.
The important thing is that I'm ready. I'm feeling much calmer than I have for the past few days. Grey hasn't contacted me, and the books he gave me were dropped off at Goodwill along with a few boxes of other stuff we decided we didn't need but were still in good condition.
I smile as I think about the coming ceremony. Kate worked hard to get her degree and the designation of valedictorian for her college. I worked hard too, but I certainly wasn't the highest-ranked student in my college. Those are for the more ambitious types. I just wanted to pass my classes the best I could. And knowing that we were both going to get summa cum laude on our diplomas was the cherry on my sundae.
I sip my tea, careful to keep the lipstick stains on the Styrofoam cup in one spot while I wait for Ray to pick me up. I'm so happy he'll be able to make it. Mom already called the other day; apparently Bob got himself hurt while on a golf course and has trouble walking enough that she felt nervous about leaving him. It hurt a little that she wouldn't be coming, but I believed her when she said that she would have come if she could. I assured her it was okay, really, and to take care of Bob.
There's a knock at the door, and I put my tea down to go answer it. I check the peephole, then quickly open the door. A warm surge of gratitude and love for this uncomplicated man who is my father streaks through me, and I throw my arms around him to hug him tight.
"Hey, Annie, I’m pleased to see you too," Ray mutters as he hugs me. Annie is his special nickname for me, and he's the only one permitted to use it. Setting me back, his hands on my shoulders, he looks me up and down, his brow furrowed. "You okay, kid?"
"Of course, Dad, can’t a girl be pleased to see her old man?" I smile.
He smiles, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners, and follows me into the living area. "You look good," he says approvingly.
"Thanks," I smile as I let him in.
He looks around at the piles of boxes in the living room, his hands tucked into pockets of his trousers. "Should we be heading on over?"
"In just a sec," I reply. "I was having some tea, so I need to put that in the fridge and touch up my makeup."
"Since when do you wear makeup?" he asks with gruff humor.
I laugh as I head to the dining area. "Since the Kate-fairy tapped me with her magic makeup brush."
"Where is Kate, by the way?"
"She's gone on ahead. Something about how giving a speech means she has to be early."
"Mmhmm," he intones.
I get the tea put away in the fridge, then I go to the bathroom to do a quick check of my makeup and hair, and to freshen my lipstick before coming out again. I put the lipstick in my purse and head over to him. "Okay, I'm ready."
"You sure 'bout that?" he smiles.
"Da~ad," I whine.
He just smiles more, and lets me usher him out the door.
Ray pulls his car into the parking lot, and helps me get into my cap and gown. He is kind and offers to hold my purse for the ceremony. I put my arm around his as we follow the streams of humanity that become the mass trying to find where they need to go at the Sleep Country Amphitheater. Wazzu Vancouver doesn't have an auditorium like the Pullman campus does, so the school has to rent out the Amphitheater for commencements. Suits me fine. It's a fine May day, and it shouldn't get too warm.
It stops being so fine when we meet up with José and his dad. I hadn't rescinded the invitation for José to come to my graduation, but our greetings are stiff, and there's none of the casual affection that would've been there before that night at the club. Both of our fathers notice - I can tell by the look they share - but neither José nor I volunteer any information. I might get grilled later, but José was probably going to have no such reprieve from our fathers.
Finally we reach the point where we must separate. "I still look okay?" I ask Ray, adjusting my cap a little. It's bobby-pinned in place, but I still worry it might slip.
Ray nods his head. "Good luck, Annie," he says, tucking a hair back behind my ear. "I'm so proud of you."
"Thanks, Dad." I squeeze his hands, say goodbye to the Rodriguezes, and go to find where the graduates of my college are so I can find out where I need to sit.
I find the girl holding the sign for College of Arts and Sciences, and after identifying myself to the teacher with the clipboard I get in line, and then wait. It feels like I'm waiting forever in these heeled shoes of mine. I daydream about receiving my diploma. Bachelor of Arts in English, it will read, with a focus on Literary Studies. Ray said he'd pay to get it framed for me, as a graduation present. Truly, he's the best dad in the world.
Movement interrupts my imaginings. We're heading into the Amphitheater.
The Amphitheater is as crowded as I expected. The stage at the front is decked out in Wazzu's colors, a banner emblazoned with Washington State University spread across the front of the stage. There's a podium and chairs, some of which have robed faculty sitting in them. Most are empty. There's a dull roar of hundreds of voices overlapping, and after I get into my seat I crane my neck around, trying to spot Ray. Unfortunately, I can't. I wonder if he can see me, too. Maybe I should have done what plenty of other students did, and decorate the top of my cap in a distinctive way. Too late now.
I watch the stage for lack of anything else to do, and my happy smile dies as I see Christian Grey get onto the stage. Right. He's handing out degrees. Bloody effing hell. I don't want to see him. Thankfully, Kate comes out before too long and sits a chair away from Christian. I watch them; he says something to her and she replies, but she's using excellent body language to convey the fact she does not want to talk with him. When he looks out at the sea of students, I try to duck down a little. I don't want him to see me.
At one o'clock, a voice comes on the loudspeakers to present the campus Chancellor. Applause rolls out, and the ceremony begins.
I tune out most of what's happening, waiting for two specific instances - Kate's speech and my turn for walking. When it's Kate's turn to speak, I'm one of the ones clapping furiously as she steps to the podium. I hear some whistles, too, and Kate just beams at everyone. She waits a handful of moments, looking at the captivated throng, and then launches eloquently into her speech. I feel so proud of her at that moment. Even though I have heard her speech before, I listen carefully. She commands the room and takes her audience with her.
Her theme is What Next After College? Oh, what next indeed. Grey is watching Kate, his eyebrows slightly raised - in surprise, I think. I know Kate wouldn't have given him the time of day, though. Then I push any thoughts of Grey from my mind so as to focus more on Kate.
When she concludes her speech, spontaneously everyone stands, applauding and cheering. I beam at her and cheer along, and she grins back at me when her eyes find mine. Good job, Kate. She sits, as does the audience, and the Chancellor rises and introduces Grey. Oh, how lovely, Grey's going to give a speech, I think sarcastically. The Chancellor begins with Grey's achievements: CEO of his own extraordinarily successful company, a real self-made man...
Bullshit. Kate told me that in order to be a corporation, he has to have a Board of Directors, and other chief officers. Otherwise, he couldn't be a Chief Executive Officer. She'd had to leave that bit out of the article lest she get accused of libel or starting an unsubstantiated rumor, but going by that bit he said, we guess his Board of Directors are probably a bunch of yes-men with specialties.
The Chancellor concludes with, "And also a major benefactor to our University, please welcome, Mr. Christian Grey." I'm grimly amused that the applause for Grey is much more polite than the response Kate got.
Grey begins, his voice soft and measured. "I'm profoundly grateful and touched by the great compliment accorded to me by the authorities of Wazzu today. It offers me a rare opportunity to talk about the impressive work of the environmental science department here at the University. Our aim is to develop viable and ecologically sustainable methods of farming for third world countries; our ultimate goal is to help eradicate hunger and poverty across the globe. Over a billion people, mainly in Sub-Saharan Africa, South Asia, and Latin America, live in abject poverty. Agricultural dysfunction is rife within these parts of the world and the result is ecological and social destruction. I have known what it’s like to be profoundly hungry. This is a very personal journey for me..."
Uh-huh, I think sarcastically. And I start picking the dirt out from under my nails as he drones on.
When he finally does finish his speech, he smiles briefly at the warm applause - even Kate is clapping - then he resumes his seat.
After that, the long and truthfully rather tedious process of getting our degrees begin. I sit, waiting for my row to be told to stand. We're called, and I feel the trepidation get heavier with each step that brings me closer to the stage - and to him. Finally, my name is called, and I mount the stairs to the stage.
"Congratulations, Miss Steele," he says as he shakes my hand, squeezing it gently. His eyes, however, are as intense as ever.
My own handshake leaves a lot to be desired. "Thank you, sir," I reply. I accept the rolled-up paper from him, and walk quickly to where the Chancellor is, shake his hand, and then get down off the stage.
It takes another half an hour or so for everyone to get their degree, and finally it's time to move our tassels from right to left. That's it. We are all now graduates. There's a loud whooping, and some of the more excitable students throw their caps up in the air despite teachers telling us not to. I shake my head, and start moving along to where I'd promised to meet Ray and José.
I haven't gotten all that far when a hand firmly grasps my elbow. "A word with you, Miss Steele," a familiar voice says in my ear. Grey starts pulling me along.
"Hey!" I snap, trying to wrench my arm free. "Let go!" Amazingly, my words have the desired effect. Probably because it gets one or two persons' attention. The fact there were other people around makes me feel somewhat braver in dealing with him. "If you want to talk to me, you can do it here."
He glowers at me, forcefully enough that I take a half-step back. "What I wish to discuss with you," he says as quietly as the chaos around us will allow, "is better done in private."
Scary how simple inflection can make two words sound so ominous. "I-I don't think that's a good idea," I stammer. Kate or Ray showing up about now would be so very welcome.
"I do. Anastasia, please." He runs a hand through his hair. "I just have a few questions for you, and I don't want them becoming public fodder." His eyes cloud with irritation when I don't reply. "I'm not going to hurt you," he tells me. "Not unless you want me to."
I boggle at him - the hell does he mean!? - and he takes that as his cue to usher me along once more. I'm a bit stunned still by his statement, but I do have the presence of mind to yank my arm away from him again. He then puts his hand at the small of my back, firm and pushing. I'm reminded of the elevator and how easily he had pinned me, and I have a spike of panic. I'm urged at a quick trot through the thinning crowd, my eyes desperately searching for a familiar face. Grey leads the way to a family restroom that is unfortunately not in use, and he shoves me inside. I stumble hard but miraculously don't fall, though my cap's not so lucky and it hits the floor. I hear a quiet click of the door's lock being engaged. Oh shit. I turn to face him, my heart pounding.
He's leaning against the door, his eyes boring into me. "Why are you avoiding me?" he asks softly.
Because you scare me. I look away, my fingers fiddling with the stole about my shoulders for a moment before I wipe my hands on my thighs. "I really have to be going. My dad, he's waiting for me."
"He can wait a little longer," Grey says, and steps closer to me. I step back, and irritation crosses his face. He reaches out and grabs my chin before I can stop him. "Answer me."
I gulp, my hands grabbing his wrist. "Y-you said yourself that I s-should stay away," I manage, tremors coursing through me.
His gray eyes cloud with anger that chills me, and he says nothing for several moments. "I can't stay away from you," he murmurs. "You're the flame to my moth, Anastasia. I want to know you're all right. I want to show you... Oh, so much." He lets go of my chin, and shifts his hand so his fingers rest on my neck and his thumb can stroke my cheek.
Logically, I know I should yank his hand away, but I'm frankly too scared. With the instinct of a small hunted creature, I stay still, hoping he'll just go away. He stares at me so much, and I'm afraid he'll kiss me again. He does lean in, and I turn my head to the side, away from his hand. "Look at me," he orders. I reluctantly do, and his thumb strokes my cheek again. "I want to see you again."
"I don't," I tell him quietly. There. I said it.
His eyes widen in shock, and he looks hurt. "What?" he breathes, and I can feel his breath on my lips.
I close my eyes so I don't have to look at him. "I don't want to see you," I make myself say aloud.
Abruptly he lets go of my chin, and when I open my eyes again I see he's stepped back. The fury in his eyes as he rakes a hand through his hair makes my knees shake. "Why the fuck not?" he hisses at me.
I hesitate, and at that point someone raps sharply on the door. "Hello? Could you hurry up?" an irritated woman's voice calls. "I've got diapers to change, thank you!"
Grey's eyes bore into mine, and it takes everything I have not to shrink away from the malevolence I see there. "We'll talk later," he promises in a low tone, then snaps the lock open before storming out.
The woman starts coming in with her children, and gives me a glare. "Are you done?" she demands snippily.
"Y-yes," I stammer. I go to hurry out of the restroom.
"Your cap," she says impatiently.
"What?"
"It's on the floor."
I turn back. I'd forgotten it. I scoop it up quickly and flee from the restroom, but not before I overhear the woman muttering about stupid college kids. Once outside and a bit away from the restroom, I take a moment to try and calm down. Grey is nowhere to be seen, for which I am glad. I run a hand over my hair and feel the bobby pins sticking up. Needing the distraction, I start picking them out of my hair. I can't go find Ray like this. I don't want to be upset on what should be a happy day. But Grey scared me, badly.
"Stacy?"
I turn at my name, and sag in relief when I see Kate. I rush over to her, and hug her tightly. She hugs me back, though I can tell she's confused. "Stacy, are you all right?"
"I'm, I'm fine," I tell her, smiling to try and banish the encounter with Grey from my mind. "I'm-Your speech was wonderful, as usual. And congratulations again on making valedictorian."
Kate's looking at my closely, her green eyes sharp. "Did he bother you?" she asks in a low tone.
Damn you for being so observant, Kate. I shake my head. "No. He said he wanted to see me again. I told him I didn't want to see him, and he left."
"Just like that?" she wants to know.
"Just like that."
She studies me a little more, before pulling me back into another hug. "Then put him from your mind. This is our day to celebrate," she says, letting me go to link her arm with mine. "My family found your dad, José's dad, and José. We started worrying when you didn't show up, too, so I volunteered to look for you."
I smile at her. "You're the best, Kate."
"I know~" she winks at me.
We find the rest of the group, and Kate's brother Ethan spins me around in his arms before giving me a good hug. I hug him back, glad to see him. He's a great guy, and having my friends and family around is doing a fantastic job of helping me forget Grey. Even having José around isn't bothering me, though he's as careful as I to keep everything platonic. I don't want our friendship to be ruined, but at the same time, I'm not real keen on forgiving him just yet.
The lot of us gets pictures of Kate and me in our cap and gowns and holding our 'diplomas'. Our actual diplomas will get mailed to us in a couple months, and I can't wait to get mine. It's going to get framed and hung on my wall over my desk. After the pictures, we all go out to eat, jostling for a table against the many families who all have the same idea. There's lots of chatter, mostly about the classes we finished as well as Kate's and my impending move, along with future plans once we're established in Seattle. I'm excited all over again.
All too soon, though, we're going our separate ways. Kate's family wants to take her on a celebratory shopping trip and José has to leave with his dad. I give Kate and her family hugs, and José Sr. gets one too. José gets nothing, and he accepts that with an awkward smile. Then it's just Ray and I. We head back to my apartment.
I put a kettle of hot water from the sink onto the stove so it can boil, and as it's heating I quickly change from the dress into more normal clothes and then wash the makeup from my face. I feel more myself as I go back to the dining area. Which is good, because Ray apparently has some questions.
"José says you and he had a fight," he begins, his voice quiet and gentle. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Not really," I say as I fiddle with the tea bags. Herbal for me, black for him. Mom had complained that tea was Ray's solution to everything, but I find tea to be soothing. It's another thing he and I share. The scream of the kettle startles me momentarily. I lift the kettle off the burner and turn that off. Then I pour the water into the Styrofoam cups, setting the kettle down on a cool burner before bringing both cups to the table and set them down. The Tupperware of sugar and a plastic spoon is retrieved for Ray. "It's kinda personal," I comment as I sit adjacent to him.
He reaches over and lays a hand over mine. "Annie," he says softly.
I look up at him, tears stinging my eyes. I can't keep anything from him, not when he's asking. "He wants to be more than friends," I reply quietly. "I don't. He... got insistent, and since we'd been out drinking, I threw up on him."
Ray's brow furrows. He squeezes my hand gently, and I squeeze back. "How insistent did he get?"
"He tried to kiss me." I wince in anticipation of Ray's reaction.
"I see." He uses his free hand to bob the tea bag in the cup. "So you threw up on him instead of kneeing him in the balls?"
I nod.
"Well. That's one way to show your disapproval," he says, and gives me a small smile.
I smile back. "I'm glad you agree."
He lets go of my hand and uses both hands to hold his cup. "You sure you don't want me to help out with the move Sunday?"
"No, we've got it," I assure him. "Kate's friends gave the moving company we're using glowing reviews. And besides, I don't want you to accidentally hurt your back."
"I'm not that old," he grumbles.
"No, you're not," I agree, smiling again. "And I'm going to make sure nothing happens to you."
Ray leaves at around dusk, which is just before Kate gets home. She's laden with shopping bags. Ethan's carrying a few, too, and seeing the two of them together just reminds me how much they look alike, though Ethan's blond hair has a brownish tinge where Kate is strawberry. Ethan takes the bags to Kate's room, but he's still carrying one small bag when he comes back and gives me a hug again. "Congratulations, Stacy. This is for you," he says, smiling, "from the family."
"Oh, thank you," I say as take the bag. Inside is a flat, black, fuzzy jeweler's box that has my eyebrows lifting in surprise. I open the box and gasp at the string of perfect pearls. "Oh, this is too much!" I protest.
Kate comes up then, grinning, and puts an arm around my shoulders. "It most certainly is not," she informs me. "The 'rents wanted to get you something, and every girl should have a string of pearls. You can wear them with pride whenever you go in for an interview."
I grin foolishly as I give them both hugs. "Thank you," I say, "thank you."
"You're welcome," Ethan replies, and ruffles my hair. "Well, I have to be going before the parents start honking. Take care, Stacy. You too, Kate." He gives his sister a kiss on the cheek before he heads out.
Kate closes the door behind him, and I lightly touch the smooth pearls. "Really, Kate, you shouldn't have."
"They're not from me, remember?"
I give her a look that's softened by amusement. "I'm sure you gave them the idea, though," I say.
"Maybe I did," she smirks. "But I'm serious when I said that they wanted to get you something, and they asked my advice."
"They're beautiful," I smile. "I almost want to wear them to work tomorrow."
Kate laughs. "Pearls in a hardware store? Stace, I taught you better than that."
I laugh, too. "Yes, but, tomorrow's my last day!"
"No need to rub it in that you're moving to bigger and better things," she teases. "I thought you liked the Claytons."
"I do," I reply, sticking my tongue out at her. "Fine, fine, no pearls tomorrow."
"Good girl. Like I said, save them for interviews."
The next day, I go to work like normal. At about an hour before I'm due to clock out for the last time, the Claytons surprise me with a little farewell party that includes a card that's signed by everyone, and a small chocolate cake. I'm in tears that they would think so well of me, and I hug both Mr. and Mrs. Clayton. They say it's the least they can do for the four years of hard work I've given them. Paul also gives me a hug, and John and Patrick shake my hand. They wish me luck in my endeavors in Seattle, and as a final surprise Mr. Clayton says I can take my last hour off, paid. I decide to stick around and eat my cake and chat with Mrs. Clayton about what I hope to do, and where I've applied for internships. I'm telling her about how I really hope to get hired by Seattle Independent Publishing out of the four companies I applied to when Paul ducks back into the break room.
"Stacy, Christian Grey's here again, asking to see you," he says. My immediate thought of oh shit must have been visible on my face, because he quickly follows up with, "I can tell him you're busy if you want."
"Is everything all right, Stacy?" Mrs. Clayton asks, concerned.
I tuck my hair behind my ear. "No, it's okay," I reply. "I'll go see him."
"You sure?" Paul asks.
I nod as I put my plate of cake down. "Yeah." I smile in what I hope is a reassuring manner. "Is he up front? I'll be back soon," I add when Paul nods. I steel myself the best I can before heading out of the break room.
My steps slow when I see him by the register. Just like last time, he's dressed in casual clothes and looking ridiculously good, but all I feel is a sense of dread. He smiles at me, calm as can be. "Anastasia," he murmurs.
"Grey," I reply tersely. "How can I help you?"
His eyes flash, presumably at the lack of a prefix. "I wanted to speak with you," he says, voice still calm.
"You're doing so now," I retort, my extreme nervousness making my voice sharp.
Irritation flickers over his face but quickly morphs into something more earnest. "Not here. Please. Outside. I promise it won't take long."
I eye him for several moments before nodding. I'll go out into the parking lot, but I'm not going anywhere near the cars. It's times like this that I'm grateful the parking lot doesn't allow for parking right up against the store's front 'stoop'.
He leads the way, even going so far as to hold the door open for me. I thank him awkwardly, and let him walk off to the side. I balk when he tries to turn the corner, however. "No. I'm stopping here. Say what you want to say, so I can get back to work," I tell him. The wind blows some hair into my face, so I tuck it back behind my ear.
He turns back to me, his eyes clouding as he slips his hands into his jeans pockets. The wind also tugs at his hair, making it look like what I imagine is bedroom-mussed. "I couldn't get our conversation from yesterday out of my mind. Frankly, I don't understand. Why don't you want to see me again?"
My jaw drops open a little as I hear the genuine incredulity in his voice. "You... You don't..." I'm so flummoxed I can't even get the words out. And my cheeks heat with the embarrassment of even thinking of mentioning what had happened in the elevator. I don't want to think about it, I don't want to talk about it, especially not with him. Was he really that clueless?
Yes, I decide as I study his face, he is.
Disgusted with him for being an ass and with myself for agreeing to talk to him, I spin around on my heel and go to head back into the store when he grabs my wrist. I freeze, chilled, and look back at him.
"Anastasia, I don't know what I did wrong, but I want to make it right. Please. Give me the chance," he beseeches me, his gray eyes pleading.
"Let me go," I respond, my voice higher than normal. His hand tightens when I try to pull away, before he reluctantly lets me go. "Leave me alone, Grey."
"Stacy-"
I whirl on him. "Don't. Don't you dare call me that. You're not my friend. You've no right. Goodbye." And not giving him another moment of my time, I hurry back into the store.
The look in his eyes, the fury mixed with confusion, unfortunately stays with me.
Chapter Six | Table of Contents | Chapter Eight