(Untitled)

[oldschooljedi]

The Force does strange things. Really it does. Even Jedi of the old Republic can't figure out everything. One moment, he is sensing the demise of a Jedi, a friend, a man of great potential, and the next moment, he is standing on the inside of a door, looking out over a cantina. Well, not exactly a cantina, a place like he has never seen before. He

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[redeemed_one]

Anakin senses him enter before he sees him. Quickly he walks to him, posture deferential. "Master Qui-Gon?"

He does not even know where to begin. He cannot explain anything that occured over the years that Qui-Gon has been gone, not in words, anyway. So he does the only thing he can. He offers a tentative mental line to him.

Anything Qui-Gon wants to know, he can find. Anakin's mind is open to him.

[redeemed_one]

"Working to restore the Republic. I'm not any more clear than that, as they don't tell me very much about what they are doing."

[oldschooljedi]

"I would expect nothing less of them, actually." He pauses for a moment. "I shall be very interested to meet them."

[redeemed_one]

"I would be happy to introduce you."

A beat. "You saw everything, didn't you?"

[oldschooljedi]

"It would depend on what your definition of everything is, Ani." He crosses his arms. "If you are meaning that I saw everything you did, everything that happened, you are correct."

[redeemed_one]

He looks at his boots. He was a bit afraid of this. He doesn't know what he can do. "Yes. I'm sorry, Qui-Gon. I'm trying to fix it."

[oldschooljedi]

"There are some things, Anakin, that you cannot fix. There are things which happened, that no matter how much you regret them, you must accept that they happened, and that nothing you can do, no matter how hard you try, can be fixed. It is like when a droid breaks down and loses part of his memory. The memories which are erased can never be returned, he must have new programming to restore him to functionality."

[redeemed_one]

"I know, sir, but I must try. I can't do everything, but I can do some things."

He pauses and then asks in a very small voice,"You don't hate me, do you?"

[oldschooljedi]

"There are things you can do to make it better, this is quite true." And at Anakin's question, the other man's eyes soften. "I could give you the Jedi Council-approved answer that Jedi do not hate, or I could give you the truth from my own heart, that I, as Qui-Gon, don't hate you." A smile. "You're still that little boy I found in some ways, Ani. Choices and actions aside, that is who you are inside. You are the boy I believed in, and knew would go far."

[redeemed_one]

"I tried. I tried so hard, but in the end I was so angry, and it hurt so much..."

If there is anyone who will understand, it will be Qui-Gon. He was always a marevick himself.

[oldschooljedi]

A rather wry smile crosses the man's face. "The Jedi Council never really did understand how hard it was to keep from the Dark Side. They sat back in their temple, and weren't really out there taking in the world." He pauses, as if he is going to say something else, but falls silent.

[redeemed_one]

"It's easier to be calm if you never have to feel." There's a hint of bitterness in his voice, but whether it is directed at the Council or himself is uncertain.

[oldschooljedi]

"The more one feels, the more control one needs. This is the theory behind the rules against attachment. As Jedi, we are so connected with the Force, that any little thing can turn into a much larger issue." He pauses. "Or, at least, that is what they tell us to think. How one actually thinks and acts is up to themselves."

[redeemed_one]

Anakin's been pondering this one for a while, so he has a ready answer. "It's not control one needs, it's judgment. Feeling is not the problem, the problem is acting without thought. And if one is never taught to think about the difference between what one feels and what one must do, then the choice will be impossible when the time comes."

This doesn't mean he would have given up Padme. This just means he wouldn't have lost his temper quite so badly.

[oldschooljedi]

"That is truly wisdom, Anakin. It is not simply doing what one is told, but understanding the reasons behind what one is told, and acting on that." There is a long pause before he speaks again. "One must listen to the wisdom of one's elders, but one must not blindy follow it simply because it is said."

[redeemed_one]

"Experience helps one understand, though. And how much experience was to be gained if we were discouraged from feeling at all? It is as if they wished us to fall."