(Untitled)

[song_tra_bong]

Between having her lover fuck buddy boyfriend pain-in-the-ass Tarot card that she sometimes sleeps with make an illusionary double of her, having to convince people said double was not actually her and talking two of her friends out of hating her forever, Mary Anne's had a busy few days. She's beginning to think staying locked in her room was a

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[ruinous_fortune]

He sprawls along her table, face near hers.

"Come now, Legs. You knew such things would have to have happened. You're important to him."

[ruinous_fortune]

Ruin thinks long on her question.

"No. I have been Ruin for too long. I can't go back.

He brushes his fingers over her cheeks, knowing she is hiding tears.

"Everyone's life hold more, Legs. So much that none of you are able to see. Not yet."

[song_tra_bong]

"Wasn't my question. Know you can't, but do you want to ever?"

In the dark, in the night, knowing what you were and what you are and what you've done, would you go back?

She doesn't flinch. She doesn't cry either.

[ruinous_fortune]

"No. Because of my actions, Gorlim will get more than he ever could before. Eilinel will finally have what she always wanted. They are not the first, they will not be the last, but because they will be able to draw a new card, it makes all my regrets and guilt bearable."

In the dark, in the night, knowing what I was (a man with wife and child, dead from disease) and what I am (something neither human nor god, neither great or small) and what I've done (rape and torture and hurt hurt hurt but gave and regretted and loved), I would never go back.

[song_tra_bong]

She brings her head down and looks him in the eye.

"So that's how you live."

[ruinous_fortune]

He meets her gaze with unwavering eyes.

"It's how I survive."

[song_tra_bong]

She almost smiles.

"They aren't quite the same."

[ruinous_fortune]

He shakes his head.

"No, they aren't. But it's the truth. I am unstable. There are times, like when I lay across your table, when I am proud of what I do. Of the upset and sickness I can cause with my actions. But when he left my room last night? I was not proud. I was upset. I was sickened."

His eyes waver finally.

"He loves that god. Even as he fears, him loves him."

[song_tra_bong]

"Of course he does."

She studies his face more closely.

"You say it like it's news, as if you didn't know."

[ruinous_fortune]

"I didn't believe him capable of it. But what I did hurt him more than anything else, because it was the god. The one he trusts as he trusts no other. It was... surprising."

He's never seen such devotion and adoration in one so ruined.

It was news to him.

[song_tra_bong]

She shakes her head, expression a little harder.

"Not so surprising, to anyone with eyes. Maybe you just didn't want to see."

[ruinous_fortune]

He tilts his head.

"Why wouldn't I want to see?"

[song_tra_bong]

She lifts one shoulder in a shrug.

"Your guess is as good as mine; I just thought it was obvious. So there must have been some reason you didn't see."

[ruinous_fortune]

He ponders this for a little while, looking up in her face.

"If you say so, lover. It was still surprising."

He'd been swept up in this role.

[song_tra_bong]

Mary Anne pales.

"What did you say?"

no no nononono take it back take it back I'm not we're not you're not not true not true not true

[ruinous_fortune]

He stands up suddenly, any openness in his face gone.

"Nothing."

Ruin backs up, coldness, hardness in his eyes.

"Nice seeing you, Legs."

And he goes, heading right up the stairs, not giving her the opportunity to stop him.