Seeing Behind (short original fic)
Hello, it's again me and my writings ^^
Title: Seeing Behind
Author: chasingthestage
Summary: She has come a long way, and has long road till ahead. But she has found something that had been missing
Characters: Unnamed 'sienne, unnamed otokoyaku
Rating: G
Author's note: This is kind of like counter piece to ” I Want To Become...”, and might not make much sense without reading that first.
From the beginning I saw that she was different from us, other young girls participating in entracing exams. For everyone it was moment when we tried our best to reach for beginning of our dreams, dreams of standing on that particular stage. But for her, there was also dream of something else, something that made her both scared and determined.
When the school started, it didn't take long for our class to realise that she didn't like the uniform at all. And for me, her roommate, it became clear that she actually hated it. At mornings, when she had changed looking miserable and ready to rip whole thing to little pieces, I smiled to her, trying to reassure that everything was okay. Sometimes she smiled back to me, but it wasn't honest smile, more like one that tried to reassure me that everything was okay.
I think that she doesn't know, even now years after, that I noticed how she sometimes cried at nights when she thought I had already fallen asleep. I listened to her sobs, muffled by pillow and - and I would have wanted to go and comfort my shy and awkward roommate, unclench her hands around the pillow and tell how everything will turn out alright. But I forced my body to stay still, because I didn't know, was afraid, how she would have reacted. Would it embarras her, would she turn away from me?
When it was decided that she would become otokoyaku, she became so happy that she couldn't stay still and embraced me. It was something she didn't usually do even though we had become quite close friends, she tried to avoid physical contact as much as possible. After that she didn't cry so often at nights, but it still happened from time to time. And I just laid in my bed, biting my lips and listened her crying because of reason that I had started to guess.
The way she changed at rehearsals and stage still amazes me. When she played all those characters it was like she had found something that made her complete. She wasn't stellar singer or dancer, but the way she was able to bring those characters to life was something we in troupe tried to learn. It didn't matter if the character was confident and dashing or quiet and shy, it wasn't like watching someone performing male character, it was like watching a real male.
But it didn't take long before the easiness disappeared and she looked lost again, her eyes looking for escape, begging for help to cure the pain inside. And we, our troupe, did our best to help her. Some others had started to guess something might be going on, and we couldn't leave our...Little brother to suffer alone. Everyone tried to convey that we cared and would be there for her, and I think she understood that. But still she was afraid and I was the only one to see glimpses behind the wall that was always there. Sometimes she came close to me after rehearsals, or sometimes performance, had ended, looking so lost. Swallowing my own tears that her gaze, filled with pain only she could feel, caused I would nod, maybe touch her arm to wordlessly tell her that it's okay and together we would go to my appartement. Inside my front door she let the wall crumble for a moment, sitting on a sofa and crying quietly. I was always sitting next to her, arm around her shoulders and hoping to soothe her. But though the wall had crumbled little bit, it still was there. I never asked and she never told me directly what caused those tears.
Now it is time for her to leave this place. I stand back and watch how she walks out of those doors and turns to look back one last time. She has come a long way, and has long road till ahead. But she has found something that had been missing.
And I feel proud - proud of...Him
Title: Seeing Behind
Author: chasingthestage
Summary: She has come a long way, and has long road till ahead. But she has found something that had been missing
Characters: Unnamed 'sienne, unnamed otokoyaku
Rating: G
Author's note: This is kind of like counter piece to ” I Want To Become...”, and might not make much sense without reading that first.
From the beginning I saw that she was different from us, other young girls participating in entracing exams. For everyone it was moment when we tried our best to reach for beginning of our dreams, dreams of standing on that particular stage. But for her, there was also dream of something else, something that made her both scared and determined.
When the school started, it didn't take long for our class to realise that she didn't like the uniform at all. And for me, her roommate, it became clear that she actually hated it. At mornings, when she had changed looking miserable and ready to rip whole thing to little pieces, I smiled to her, trying to reassure that everything was okay. Sometimes she smiled back to me, but it wasn't honest smile, more like one that tried to reassure me that everything was okay.
I think that she doesn't know, even now years after, that I noticed how she sometimes cried at nights when she thought I had already fallen asleep. I listened to her sobs, muffled by pillow and - and I would have wanted to go and comfort my shy and awkward roommate, unclench her hands around the pillow and tell how everything will turn out alright. But I forced my body to stay still, because I didn't know, was afraid, how she would have reacted. Would it embarras her, would she turn away from me?
When it was decided that she would become otokoyaku, she became so happy that she couldn't stay still and embraced me. It was something she didn't usually do even though we had become quite close friends, she tried to avoid physical contact as much as possible. After that she didn't cry so often at nights, but it still happened from time to time. And I just laid in my bed, biting my lips and listened her crying because of reason that I had started to guess.
The way she changed at rehearsals and stage still amazes me. When she played all those characters it was like she had found something that made her complete. She wasn't stellar singer or dancer, but the way she was able to bring those characters to life was something we in troupe tried to learn. It didn't matter if the character was confident and dashing or quiet and shy, it wasn't like watching someone performing male character, it was like watching a real male.
But it didn't take long before the easiness disappeared and she looked lost again, her eyes looking for escape, begging for help to cure the pain inside. And we, our troupe, did our best to help her. Some others had started to guess something might be going on, and we couldn't leave our...Little brother to suffer alone. Everyone tried to convey that we cared and would be there for her, and I think she understood that. But still she was afraid and I was the only one to see glimpses behind the wall that was always there. Sometimes she came close to me after rehearsals, or sometimes performance, had ended, looking so lost. Swallowing my own tears that her gaze, filled with pain only she could feel, caused I would nod, maybe touch her arm to wordlessly tell her that it's okay and together we would go to my appartement. Inside my front door she let the wall crumble for a moment, sitting on a sofa and crying quietly. I was always sitting next to her, arm around her shoulders and hoping to soothe her. But though the wall had crumbled little bit, it still was there. I never asked and she never told me directly what caused those tears.
Now it is time for her to leave this place. I stand back and watch how she walks out of those doors and turns to look back one last time. She has come a long way, and has long road till ahead. But she has found something that had been missing.
And I feel proud - proud of...Him