Missed Chances - Part 13
Title: Missed Chances
Rated: PG-13
Chapter: 13
Pairing: Ryan MillerxZdeno Chara
LJ CUTS HATE ME RIGHT NOW SO SORRY
I thought he loved me, I really did, but what had just happened not even 24 hours ago. When I had gotten to Anaheim, I took a cab to my brothers apartment. The ride seemed to take forever, and I could not help but look out the window, wishing that things did not turn out the way they did. But when I show up on my brothers front door, eyes still slightly puffy from crying.
Drew, I knew was concern as he ushered me in, trying his hardest to find out what happened. Finally convincing him that I would tell him in the morning, he left me to sleep on the couch, since he did not have a spare bedroom for when family came to visit. And right now I really did not care, it might not of been late here, but I had left Boston at around ten that night.
Closing my eyes, I wished for this to be a bad dream, that I was still at Zdeno’s house laying in his bed with his arms around me. And when I wake up, I’ll still be there and none of this would have happened.
My eyes fluttered shut several times, before I gave into sleep. No dreams this time, only the pitch blackness that surrounded me now.
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“Hey, wake up.”
Feeling the tap to my shoulder, I blinked open one brown eye. Grabbing at the hand that was tapping my shoulder, trying my hardest to wake up, but it really was not working. “Look, you can stay here as long as you need to Ryan.” Drew started, which reminded me that I was at Drew’s, not my place or Zdeno’s. “But you are going to tell me why you showed up, looking like you have been crying.”
Making a face, I looked up at my brother. A lot of people swore that Drew and I were twins, but they were wrong, he maybe my brother but he was not my twin. Yeah we looked alike, but still I mean come on, he is like four years younger than me.
“Come on, say something Ry, something is upsetting you.” Drew then said, sitting near my feet as I curled up. I did not want to talk about it, I seriously did not want to, and with my brother I could not do it. “And I won’t leave you alone until you tell me what this something is.”
Why can’t Drew be like everyone else, and leave me the fuck alone? I mean come on, I was not in the mood to talk, and all I wanted to do sit there and mope all on my own. “Later Drew.” Came my harsh yet soft reply, arms wrapped around my legs, I tried not to think of the night before. Maybe if I fought it long enough I won’t have to worry about it anymore.
Raising his hands up, Drew got up before slightly walking way from me. “Fine, be an ass but you will tell me what’s going on after I get back from practice.” He said, just nodding my head I stared at the blank television. Just waiting for him to leave so that I could be alone for a while.
Hearing the door shut, and then the sound of his car starting and then leaving. Fishing out my cell phone I noticed that I had it turned off still from the plane ride. Turning it on, I made a face as I noticed there were at least ten maybe more missed calls. Quickly closing my phone once I saw the name of who had been trying to reach me, I did not want to talk to him right now.
Looking for the remote, I heard my cell phone go off, taking a quick peek at the name. I quickly opened my phone and then pressed the ignore button, flipping through stations because there was nothing on right now. My cell phone went off once more, fuck can’t he just realize that I’m not going to answer my phone right now. Taking my phone I turned it on silence and shoved it back in my pocket.
Closing my eyes again, I took in deep even breaths trying to clear my mind. Stretching back out, letting my head rest to the side before once more giving into sleep again. Fuck, sleep is the last thing I want right now, but I could not stop myself from the darkness taking over again.
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Fuck, whoever was tapping my shoulder right now was going to get punched in the face. But that would only cause more problems for me, and I did not need those right now. Opening my eyes to see Drew standing there, but the other voices were not my brother voice at all. “Man Ryan, are you going to sleep all day?” Drew asked as I swatted the side of his head as I sat up.
“I don’t know, was pretty comfy here.” Muttering this as I rubbed at my one eye, running the other hand through my hair slightly. The voices that I was hearing earlier were now gone, dear god I hope I’m not going crazy, that was the last thing I needed. “I’ve slept on this couch before Ryan, its not all that comfy.” My brother sarcastically mumbled, causing me to shake my head.
“Now come on, what’s going on?” Drew asked as I sat there, once more trying to ignore this question. But eve as I pretend to not listen to him, like every ten seconds he would keep asking me what was wrong.
This was getting annoying, cause now he won’t shut his mouth and he won’t stop talking. Maybe I was better off just going back to Buffalo, but that was too close to where I did not want to be right now. “Alright, fine I’ll tell you if you shut the fuck up!.” I could not help but wince slightly as I saw Drew flinch back at my tone.
“Look, I need you to be here for me, don’t judge me base on what you are about to he…”
“Are you doing drugs?!” Drew ha quickly jumped to that conclusion, well I could not blame him. If he was telling me this, I would of thought he was on drugs as well.
“What?! No, dear god no, Drew how could you think that?” I asked, watching as he shrugged his shoulders. Shaking my head, I let out a low sigh and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I’m not on drugs…” Fuck this was going to be harder than what I thought it was going to be.
Running a hand through my hair, I mumbled softly what I was trying to tell him. “Ryan, you got to speak up I can’t hear you.” He said, watching me intently now. Dang it, do I have to scream it out the window for him to hear? Taking in a deep breath, I looked at him, pleading with my eyes that he would not jump to conclusions way to quickly on this. “Drew, I’m gay.” There I said it, now it was time to see what my little brother would do.
Watching his expression, his mouth opened and closed like a fish while he was trying to find the right words to say. Shit, I should of said nothing and let life be the way it was.
“Your not joking are you?” He asked softly, looking at me, slight hurt in those darker brown eyes. Fuck I hate it that he looks almost just like me, its like looking into a mirror. And I fucking hate it, cause when he is upset it feels like I’m hurting myself as well.
Shaking my head side to side, I lowered my gaze to my hands in my lap. “Is that why you came out here? To get away from people who don’t understand?” I shook my head to this one as well, that was not the reason why I was out here.
“Then tell me Ryan what is going on.” Drew lightly said, moving so that he was in front of me. Making it so that if I looked up, I was looking at him and not a wall anymore. “Did someone hurt you?” I could not help but flinch as he said this, being so close to the truth. To myself I was hurt by Zdeno, but I would never know what he thought of all of this.
I hate it when Drew would do that, because then I could not deny that I was hurting because of what someone did. But I did not have long to think about it before I felt arms wrap around me, pulling me into him slight. “I’m so sorry Ryan, I’m here for you remember that.” Fuck Drew for being so kind to me right now, it was causing tears to form in my eyes.
A few slipped from my eyes, and all I could hear was the faint noise from outside. Until Drew finally said something: “Cry if you need to Ryan, there’s no shame in it.” Once again, fuck Drew for being kind and caring. But I could not think well enough before tears streamed down my checks, sobs ripping themselves from my chest as I tried to fight them back. With losing this battle, I had just shown how much I had been hurt by what had happened. Again the only thought that came to mind was, ‘Why the fuck did he do that to me?’.