Fic: Taking A Chance - Part 4
Title: Conversations
Author: Mikey
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own them, just having some fun
Conversations
When I walk back into the living room after my shower I see Sara standing in front of the window. I smile and move to stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and planting a small kiss on her neck. She sighs and leans back into me, her hands coming up to cover my own.
‘You alright?’ I ask her softly and she nods.
‘Yeah. It’s just, I turned my phone back on and apparently Catherine tried to call me last night. She left me a voicemail saying she wants to talk.’
I frown. ‘Is there something wrong with that?’
She shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I mean, she’s never called me before if it wasn’t work-related. I just wonder what she wants.’
‘Why is it that the two of you don’t get along anyway? You’re both friends with the guys….’
‘I don’t really know. I guess we got off on the wrong foot and it just never changed. I did come in to investigate one of her closest friends after all.’
‘That’s almost five years ago Sara. Plus, you get along with Warrick just fine.’
She sighs again. ‘I know. I tried to reach out to her a few times but she kept shooting me down. I gave up after a while. Then with the whole Hank fiasco we went out for drinks, and I honestly thought we were getting somewhere. Guess I was wrong. She really can’t stand me.’
I squeeze her a little tighter. ‘Or maybe you’re just two stubborn women who are a little too different. It happens you know, you can’t get along with everyone.’
She nods. ‘I know that. It’s just hard to work with. I always feel so insecure around her and that makes me even more defensive. And I hate the fact that she clearly doesn’t want to be my friend, but still wants to know everything about me. I barely trust my friends to tell them anything, let alone someone I don’t even get along with.’
I give her a peck on her cheek. ‘I’m certainly glad that you decided to trust me. It must have been hard for you to do that, to tell me everything you did.’
‘Yesterday was… difficult.’ She admits. ‘After Grissom left it didn’t take me long to get in my car but, once I was here, I got all nervous. I think I sat out there in my car for at least an hour. But I felt like I could trust you, and I’m glad I did. It’s just…’ She stops for a second, before continuing softly. ‘I was scared. I still am. Scared that, at some point, you’ll say that you can’t deal with me anymore. That I’m too difficult, insecure… damaged.’ She shakes her head. ‘I don’t even know why I’m saying all this, why I trust you so much. We don’t know each other that well, and I still feel like I can say anything and you won’t judge me for it. I’ve never felt like that before, with anyone. I learnt from the beginning that the only person I could trust was myself, and even when I got out of there, that feeling stayed. So I kept to myself, like I’d always done. I didn’t mind. In the beginning, I guess I loved the fact that, when I was alone, it was quiet. But a good quiet, not the fearful silence that I knew from before. By the time I got older and felt lonely sometimes, I was so used to being… locked down, that I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t really want to, I guess, because that fear of getting hurt never really left. So I picked those people, like Grissom, who never really showed much emotion, because I realised that they wouldn’t try to get in.’ She stops suddenly. ‘I let you in… that’s why I’m saying all this. I let you in, and now I don’t know how to lock up again.’
I realise that she’s about to panic, so I hold her just a little tighter. ‘I don’t want you to lock up again. I want you to feel that you can talk to me, about anything and everything you want. I can’t promise you that I’ll never hurt you, but I do promise that I’ll do whatever I can not to. Maybe that’s not enough, maybe that’s everything you need. I don’t know.’ I sigh. ‘Everyone is scared of getting hurt, Sara. I’m scared too. You make me feel things that I haven’t felt in so long, and honestly, that frightens me. When you start a relationship with someone, there’s always that chance of getting hurt. But, if you don’t take that chance, you’ll never really be happy either. You’ll never find out how great it could have been, and you’ll keep wondering for the rest of your life what could have happened. Please give me a chance, Sara, give us a chance.’
She’s silent for a while, but at least she isn’t panicking, or even trying to get out of our embrace.
‘I like this.’ She says softly. ‘I feel safe… you make me feel safe. I don’t understand how or why, but you do. Realising that I let you in so much more then I thought freaked me out for a minute, but I don’t want to give this up. I don’t think I could shut you out even if I wanted to. I really do want to try this, Sofia, I meant it when I said that.’
We stand like that for a little while longer before I reluctantly let go of her. ‘I have to go.’
‘I know.’ She says while turning around to face me. I smile at her before leaning in and kissing her softly.
‘You want to go for breakfast after shift?’
‘I’d like that.’
‘Great. How about I call you when I’m ready to head out and we’ll meet somewhere.’
She nods and we start to move outside. I suddenly remember what got this whole conversation started in the first place. ‘Hey, Sara? Are you going to call Catherine back?’
‘Yeah. I’m just going to wait until her shift is over.’
‘Probably the best.’
We’re standing next to my car now, and I give her another kiss. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘Yeah.’ She says softly, but neither of us is moving. Eventually, it’s her that leans in for one last kiss. ‘Go, or you’ll be late.’ She says, before turning around and walking towards her own car. I look after her a little while longer before getting in and driving away. I can’t believe I already miss her.
I’m at the lab half an hour later and rush inside. I’m almost in the locker room when…
‘Sofia!’ I curse under my breath before turning around.
‘Catherine.’ I nod at her.
‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’
I look at my watch again. ‘I’m almost late as it is.’
‘Grissom knows. Please?’
I sigh. ‘Lead the way.’
We walk to her office in silence. Once inside, she motions to a chair, offering me a seat. I sit down warily.
‘You and Sara are friends, right?’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Yes.’
‘Do you know where she is?’
‘Right now? Either on her way home or home already. Why?’
She looks nervous and I quickly decide that I don’t like that look on her. Something is wrong here.
‘Where has she been?’
‘Catherine… I don’t see why you need to know this.’
‘Look… I tried to call her last night but her cell was off. So I tried her home phone and she didn’t pick that up either. I’m worried about her.’
My other eyebrow joins the first. ‘Since when do you have her home number?’
‘I asked Gil. Now, do you know if she’s alright or not?’
‘She’s fine, Catherine. She came over last night, we talked for a long time and I didn’t want her to drive back home. She heard your message about an hour ago, and she said she’d call you after your shift. What’s going on here?’
She shifts nervously. ‘When Gil came back from Sara’s last night we had a… discussion. He said that, before judging Sara, I should try to talk to her. But I knew she would never talk to me so…’
My eyes open wide. She didn’t…
‘I looked in her file.’
…She did. ‘Oh Catherine…’
She sighs and moves a hand through her hair. ‘I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. I just felt like I had the right to know.’
‘The right to know? The right to know?? You had no right at all! Hell, in my eyes, even Grissom didn’t have the right to force her into talking! It’s her business, no one else’s. So now what? You think she needs your pity? You think you need to help her? You never tried to be her friend before Catherine, so if this is going to be your reason, forget it, alright!’
I stop mid-rant when there’s a knock on the door. I realise that I’m standing now, only inches from her face, my chair knocked backwards. She looks frightened, and I move out of her personal space as the door opens and Ecklie looks in. He looks around for a second before focussing on Catherine.
‘Everything alright in here, Catherine? I heard yelling.’
‘Yes, we’re fine, Conrad.’
He looks doubtful for a moment, before nodding and closing the door again. I rub my face slowly.
‘I’m sorry, Catherine.’ I offer her. ‘I didn’t mean to go off on you like that. Sara told me last night, and I guess the frustration finally found its way out.’
She nods. ‘I understand. Lindsey said I was suffocating her with my hug when I picked her up yesterday.’
I smile, glad she understands me. ‘You need to tell her.’ I say softly. ‘I can’t tell you how she’s going to take it, but you can’t keep this from her. She’s going to realise something is off, and if she figures it out herself…’ I trail off.
‘I know.’
We stand in silence for a minute when her phone goes off.
‘Willows … Sara, hey … Yeah, I was wondering if we could go somewhere? To talk? … No, that’s fine with me. I need your address though.’ She picks up a pen and writes something down. ‘Alright, I’ll see you in a few.’ She snaps her phone shut.
‘I have to go.’ She says, and I nod.
‘Catherine?’
She looks at me.
‘Don’t focus on everything she’s gone through, but focus on the woman she became. Sure, she has some problems, but don’t we all?’ I sigh. ‘What I’m trying to say is, she came out of it remarkably well. She made something of herself. Think of that.’
She nods. ‘Thank you, Sofia. I’ll try.’ And then she’s gone.
I pick up the chair and sit down for a minute. I just know I’m going to be worried about this all night long.
Author: Mikey
Fandom: CSI
Pairing: Sara/Sofia
Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own them, just having some fun
Conversations
When I walk back into the living room after my shower I see Sara standing in front of the window. I smile and move to stand behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist and planting a small kiss on her neck. She sighs and leans back into me, her hands coming up to cover my own.
‘You alright?’ I ask her softly and she nods.
‘Yeah. It’s just, I turned my phone back on and apparently Catherine tried to call me last night. She left me a voicemail saying she wants to talk.’
I frown. ‘Is there something wrong with that?’
She shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I mean, she’s never called me before if it wasn’t work-related. I just wonder what she wants.’
‘Why is it that the two of you don’t get along anyway? You’re both friends with the guys….’
‘I don’t really know. I guess we got off on the wrong foot and it just never changed. I did come in to investigate one of her closest friends after all.’
‘That’s almost five years ago Sara. Plus, you get along with Warrick just fine.’
She sighs again. ‘I know. I tried to reach out to her a few times but she kept shooting me down. I gave up after a while. Then with the whole Hank fiasco we went out for drinks, and I honestly thought we were getting somewhere. Guess I was wrong. She really can’t stand me.’
I squeeze her a little tighter. ‘Or maybe you’re just two stubborn women who are a little too different. It happens you know, you can’t get along with everyone.’
She nods. ‘I know that. It’s just hard to work with. I always feel so insecure around her and that makes me even more defensive. And I hate the fact that she clearly doesn’t want to be my friend, but still wants to know everything about me. I barely trust my friends to tell them anything, let alone someone I don’t even get along with.’
I give her a peck on her cheek. ‘I’m certainly glad that you decided to trust me. It must have been hard for you to do that, to tell me everything you did.’
‘Yesterday was… difficult.’ She admits. ‘After Grissom left it didn’t take me long to get in my car but, once I was here, I got all nervous. I think I sat out there in my car for at least an hour. But I felt like I could trust you, and I’m glad I did. It’s just…’ She stops for a second, before continuing softly. ‘I was scared. I still am. Scared that, at some point, you’ll say that you can’t deal with me anymore. That I’m too difficult, insecure… damaged.’ She shakes her head. ‘I don’t even know why I’m saying all this, why I trust you so much. We don’t know each other that well, and I still feel like I can say anything and you won’t judge me for it. I’ve never felt like that before, with anyone. I learnt from the beginning that the only person I could trust was myself, and even when I got out of there, that feeling stayed. So I kept to myself, like I’d always done. I didn’t mind. In the beginning, I guess I loved the fact that, when I was alone, it was quiet. But a good quiet, not the fearful silence that I knew from before. By the time I got older and felt lonely sometimes, I was so used to being… locked down, that I didn’t know how to stop it. I didn’t really want to, I guess, because that fear of getting hurt never really left. So I picked those people, like Grissom, who never really showed much emotion, because I realised that they wouldn’t try to get in.’ She stops suddenly. ‘I let you in… that’s why I’m saying all this. I let you in, and now I don’t know how to lock up again.’
I realise that she’s about to panic, so I hold her just a little tighter. ‘I don’t want you to lock up again. I want you to feel that you can talk to me, about anything and everything you want. I can’t promise you that I’ll never hurt you, but I do promise that I’ll do whatever I can not to. Maybe that’s not enough, maybe that’s everything you need. I don’t know.’ I sigh. ‘Everyone is scared of getting hurt, Sara. I’m scared too. You make me feel things that I haven’t felt in so long, and honestly, that frightens me. When you start a relationship with someone, there’s always that chance of getting hurt. But, if you don’t take that chance, you’ll never really be happy either. You’ll never find out how great it could have been, and you’ll keep wondering for the rest of your life what could have happened. Please give me a chance, Sara, give us a chance.’
She’s silent for a while, but at least she isn’t panicking, or even trying to get out of our embrace.
‘I like this.’ She says softly. ‘I feel safe… you make me feel safe. I don’t understand how or why, but you do. Realising that I let you in so much more then I thought freaked me out for a minute, but I don’t want to give this up. I don’t think I could shut you out even if I wanted to. I really do want to try this, Sofia, I meant it when I said that.’
We stand like that for a little while longer before I reluctantly let go of her. ‘I have to go.’
‘I know.’ She says while turning around to face me. I smile at her before leaning in and kissing her softly.
‘You want to go for breakfast after shift?’
‘I’d like that.’
‘Great. How about I call you when I’m ready to head out and we’ll meet somewhere.’
She nods and we start to move outside. I suddenly remember what got this whole conversation started in the first place. ‘Hey, Sara? Are you going to call Catherine back?’
‘Yeah. I’m just going to wait until her shift is over.’
‘Probably the best.’
We’re standing next to my car now, and I give her another kiss. ‘I’ll see you in the morning.’
‘Yeah.’ She says softly, but neither of us is moving. Eventually, it’s her that leans in for one last kiss. ‘Go, or you’ll be late.’ She says, before turning around and walking towards her own car. I look after her a little while longer before getting in and driving away. I can’t believe I already miss her.
I’m at the lab half an hour later and rush inside. I’m almost in the locker room when…
‘Sofia!’ I curse under my breath before turning around.
‘Catherine.’ I nod at her.
‘Can I talk to you for a minute?’
I look at my watch again. ‘I’m almost late as it is.’
‘Grissom knows. Please?’
I sigh. ‘Lead the way.’
We walk to her office in silence. Once inside, she motions to a chair, offering me a seat. I sit down warily.
‘You and Sara are friends, right?’
I raise an eyebrow. ‘Yes.’
‘Do you know where she is?’
‘Right now? Either on her way home or home already. Why?’
She looks nervous and I quickly decide that I don’t like that look on her. Something is wrong here.
‘Where has she been?’
‘Catherine… I don’t see why you need to know this.’
‘Look… I tried to call her last night but her cell was off. So I tried her home phone and she didn’t pick that up either. I’m worried about her.’
My other eyebrow joins the first. ‘Since when do you have her home number?’
‘I asked Gil. Now, do you know if she’s alright or not?’
‘She’s fine, Catherine. She came over last night, we talked for a long time and I didn’t want her to drive back home. She heard your message about an hour ago, and she said she’d call you after your shift. What’s going on here?’
She shifts nervously. ‘When Gil came back from Sara’s last night we had a… discussion. He said that, before judging Sara, I should try to talk to her. But I knew she would never talk to me so…’
My eyes open wide. She didn’t…
‘I looked in her file.’
…She did. ‘Oh Catherine…’
She sighs and moves a hand through her hair. ‘I know, I know. I shouldn’t have. I just felt like I had the right to know.’
‘The right to know? The right to know?? You had no right at all! Hell, in my eyes, even Grissom didn’t have the right to force her into talking! It’s her business, no one else’s. So now what? You think she needs your pity? You think you need to help her? You never tried to be her friend before Catherine, so if this is going to be your reason, forget it, alright!’
I stop mid-rant when there’s a knock on the door. I realise that I’m standing now, only inches from her face, my chair knocked backwards. She looks frightened, and I move out of her personal space as the door opens and Ecklie looks in. He looks around for a second before focussing on Catherine.
‘Everything alright in here, Catherine? I heard yelling.’
‘Yes, we’re fine, Conrad.’
He looks doubtful for a moment, before nodding and closing the door again. I rub my face slowly.
‘I’m sorry, Catherine.’ I offer her. ‘I didn’t mean to go off on you like that. Sara told me last night, and I guess the frustration finally found its way out.’
She nods. ‘I understand. Lindsey said I was suffocating her with my hug when I picked her up yesterday.’
I smile, glad she understands me. ‘You need to tell her.’ I say softly. ‘I can’t tell you how she’s going to take it, but you can’t keep this from her. She’s going to realise something is off, and if she figures it out herself…’ I trail off.
‘I know.’
We stand in silence for a minute when her phone goes off.
‘Willows … Sara, hey … Yeah, I was wondering if we could go somewhere? To talk? … No, that’s fine with me. I need your address though.’ She picks up a pen and writes something down. ‘Alright, I’ll see you in a few.’ She snaps her phone shut.
‘I have to go.’ She says, and I nod.
‘Catherine?’
She looks at me.
‘Don’t focus on everything she’s gone through, but focus on the woman she became. Sure, she has some problems, but don’t we all?’ I sigh. ‘What I’m trying to say is, she came out of it remarkably well. She made something of herself. Think of that.’
She nods. ‘Thank you, Sofia. I’ll try.’ And then she’s gone.
I pick up the chair and sit down for a minute. I just know I’m going to be worried about this all night long.