Oh My...Britannia Angel? Chapter 1
Oh My…Britannia Angel? - Chapter 1
A/N: So, I decided to explore beyond my regular realm of writing and try something new. Instead of the rather…depressing stories I usually write, I'm going to give crack humor a shot. This is pretty much the Hetaliafied version of Oh My Goddess!
Warnings: Shounen ai (boy x boy relationships), fail humor, crack-ish story, fowl language…
Disclaimer: Hetalia and Oh My Goddess! Both belong to their respective owners
[fanfiction.net link]
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Ring
Ring
Ring
"Hello. Hetalia University, Men's Dormitory. How may I help you?" Alfred Jones mumbled dully into the phone. Out of all the places a great hero like him could be on a Saturday afternoon, he was trapped inside and had to…no forced to be the phone boy for his older dorm mates.
The blond, bespeckled teenager scowled. He had only watched that stupid ghost movie because it was supposed to be a Blockbuster hit. Well, it wasn't his fault….
…That ugly, psycho grim reaper wannabe was coming closer and closer to the girl…till it was right behind her. Just as that hideous thing was about to lower its arm and slash the girl into pieces…His annoying French flat mate, Francis Bonnefoy, just had to grab his camera and take a picture…
And that was how quite a rather embarrassing photo of him, wailing his lungs out and shrieking in terror came into existence….And the reason why he would be spending the rest of his weekends, from now until eternity, locked in and answering phone calls, while his so called friends- Ivan, Yao, and Francis were out and about, partying themselves up…
Alfred's stomach growled as he eyed the empty burger wrapper on the table. Boy, could he really use some McDonald's right now…But being limited to only the premises of his dorm, the best he could settle for at the moment was take out.
"Hello, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza," He recited after dialing the number to Pizza Hut...
"Welcome! You have dialed the Unicorns and Faeries Technical Helpline. A representative will be with you in just a moment," came an enthusiastic answer.
Alfred blinked. Wait a second…Did he just hear Unicorns and Faeries Technical Helpline? What kind of dumb, girly name was that? And why in the world would Pizza Hut…
Suddenly the mirror on the wall began to glow an eerie blue color…And then a head popped out, followed by a pair of arms…
Alfred screamed, quickly scooting away and ducking behind the couch. Whatever that creepy entity was, he had a feeling it was looking for him…
"Is there an Alfred F. Jones here?" a voice called out. Definitely male-It sounded human alright…and thick with a British accent.
But Alfred knew better. He'd seen it enough in movies. Those evil spirits would disguise themselves as harmless in order to lure their innocent, unsuspecting victims out and then shred them to pieces.
"G-go away…y-you creepy g-ghost. Y-you'll never take my s-soul," the teenager trembled with horror.
"Oh bloody hell! Why do I always get stuck with the idiots?" the voice retorted. "Just come out already. You fucking called for me,"
"N-no! I-I'm too young to die!" Alfred wailed, but the entity had somehow appeared behind him.
There stood a short blond man with abnormally large eyebrows, dressed in an angel costume…that's right, an angel.
"Just shut the hell up! I have a bad enough headache already!" the angel man screeched. "What do you bloody need?"
Alfred held his breath. His face was turning bright red, fighting the urge to laugh. It was bad enough the guy in front of him had the most ridiculously hairy eyebrows, but to top it off with that absurd outfit…it was simply too much. Finally giving in to the need for air, Alfred fell to the ground rolling with laughter.
"Why you insolent little brat! Do you not know who I am? How dare you make a fool of the great Britannia Angel!" the shorter man fumed with anger.
"Hahaha! T-the…wh-what…? Hahahaha!"
Boom!
Somehow with the wave of his wand, the so called Britannia Angel had made the couch explode. That was enough to jolt Alfred out of his laughing fit. The blond teen just froze there, wide eyed, mouth gaping, and totally stunned.
"Wow. You really don't know anything do you?" the bushy browed man face palmed. "I'm Arthur Kirkland, or better known as the Britannia Angel. You dialed the Unicorns and Faeries Technical Helpline, in which our job is to help humans in distress. My company sent me over to assist you and therefore, I am obligated to grant you any one wish,"
"W-what?" Alfred was confused. 'This has to be some crazy dream,' he thought. Out of all the unusual situations he's ever conceived, this has got to be the maddest one by far. After all, you had to be pretty doped up to imagine some drag queen show coming out of your mirror. Alfred made a mental note to himself to stop drinking Ivan's vodka…
Smack!
Arthur had whacked him upside the head. "Well, hurry up and quit spacing out, you bloody git! I haven't got all day!"
Oww…the blond teen twitched as the sharp pain shot through his brain. Well, he definitely couldn't be dreaming then…
"Wait…are you saying you can grant me any wish, as in absolutely anything?" Alfred asked, curiously.
"Well, not everything exactly…but quite a good deal of stuff is up for game,"
Alfred reckoned that even though this whole thing was absolutely ridiculous, he really didn't have much to lose. Pondering over all the things he wanted, the teen quickly thought to himself…
Hmm…how bout a life time supply of McDonalds and video games? That would sure be nice…Wait, no. Unlimited cash would be even better. He could buy the McDonalds and video games and still be able to afford some other stuff he wanted…
"Aha! I got it!" the bespeckled boy grinned proudly. "I want a funny guy like you to always be there and keep me company!" After all, those weekends all alone in the dormitories sure were dreadful…
Alfred stood back and waited, half expecting this to be some preposterous prank and for Ashton Kutcher to suddenly pop out of a hole in the wall and shout 'Guess what? You've just been PUNK'D!'
…But that never happened. The British angel just stood there, looking absolutely horrified. "Do you have any bloody idea what you did, you wanker?!"
A mysterious blue hue started forming around Arthur, quickly spreading out all over and covering his whole entire body.
Alfred raced to aid the other man "Hey, are you, alright? What's happening to you?
After a few seconds, the blue light faded, along with Arthur's angel wings.
"Fuck…I can't believe they actually approved your wish…" The older man mumbled weakly, falling on his knees, clutching his hair.
"Wha? You mean the one about you keeping me company?" Alfred questioned.
"Yes, you idiot! God damn it! Do you even know what you just wished upon us? …What you bloody wished upon ME?!" Arthur screeched, pounding his fists against Alfred's chest. "You bloody git! I ought to kill you right now!"
Alfred scratched his head. "Huh? I don't get it,"
"You fool! You made the stupid wish! And you just HAD to say 'I want a guy like you to always be there and keep me company' …well, now you got it!" the shorter blond retorted, mimicking Alfred's voice.
"But…what's so bad about that?"
"Urgh! Can't you see? We can't be separated now! You wished for me to always be there…and now I can't leave your side!"
"What? Is that what's bothering you? Of course I'll let you leave…I mean you have your own job and life and stuff, haha. You don't have to stay here all the time," Alfred laughed, patting the other man on the shoulder.
"No! That's not it, you stupid wanker! We LITERALLY can't be separated now! We wouldn't be able to get a fair distance away from each other, even if we wanted to! Do I need to draw you a bloody picture?"
"Wait…Wha? You mean like we're pretty much glued together?" Alfred inquired. "Are you sure? I mean…it's not like I believe in this magic crap or anything, but it's not like anything's going to happen to us if we were apart, right?"
"Of course something will happen, you dolt! Now that you made the bloody wish, it will have to fulfill itself…and that means if we go off in separate directions, we will either be sprung back together again…or worse! We may even suffer dire consequences! Believe me, I've seen it happen!"
"N-no way! Can't you just wave your wand or something and undo it?"
Arthur scowled. "You bloody fool! Do you really think everything's that easy? I can only grant a wish if it gets approved by the elders! And every human is only allowed one wish! Since you already made yours, I highly doubt you'll be able to ask for another one anytime soon!"
"Shit!" Alfred cursed. This was bad…Very bad. His flat mates were sure going to make a fuss when they came back…and he definitely wasn't supposed to let strangers in the dormitories…especially ones dressed as ridiculously as the Englishman in front of him. And if any of the school officials found out about this, he was going to get expelled for sure…
Speaking of which…that's when the door knob began to turn…
Alfred needed an escape route…and he needed one quick. Hastily, he grabbed the shorter man and began shoving him in the pantry…
"Oww! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Arthur seethed, fighting and pushing back.
"Just shut up and get in! I can't let anyone see you!"
"There's no bloody way I'm going in that dirty place!"
"Ah, Alfred, mon ami! Comment allez vous?" Sang a very flamboyant French voice.
"Haha…I'm good Francis. Erk…W-why don't you go to the bathroom real quick…and umm…C-clean the toilet…hehe," Alfred shuttered nervously, trying to conceal the British man behind him with his body.
"Ah, Comrade Alfred. Who is your new friend, da?" the creepy Russian had appeared out of nowhere…
"W-what? I don't know what you're talking about…T-there's no one here besides us, I-Ivan…haha"
"Do not be silly, Comrade Alfred. There is a blond man right behind you,"
Alfred grumbled. It was too late. They had discovered his secret…"W-well, you guys would probably never believe me…but this little guy here suddenly appeared out of a mirror a while earlier, Haha…" he chuckled, giving Arthur a pat on the head.
"Quit touching me you bloody wanker! And get your freakish friends out of my sight!" Arthur screeched.
"Ohh la la! Why, he's an Anglais," Francis clapped his hands together, excitedly. "A pretty funny looking one too~"
"Aru! Alfred brought a stranger in?" A Chinese man peeked in, after hearing all the commotion. "Woah…That man has caterpillars on his face, aru! And he's wearing a dress! ~Aru!"
Arthur growled, green eyes narrowing. Clenching his fists together, he just wanted to murder everyone in the room…
"Haha…Well, now the cat's out of the bag…Why don't you guys just leave us alone…" Alfred fiddled, trying to get the Britton away before anyone ended up in a full body cast…
"Nonsense, Comrade Alfred. We want to know your little friend as well. Is that not right, Comrades Yao and Francis?" Ivan smirked, ushering to the Chinese man and Frenchman.
"No! We have to take Alfred's friend outside first, aru! Otherw…"
"Ohh! I call first shot!" Francis exclaimed, ignoring the Yao's comment and practically jumping on top of Arthur.
"Get off me you bloody frog! I'll kill you!"
"Let us touch his eyebrows, da?"
"Non, mon ami! Let's make him wear a prettier dress!"
"Will you two stop groping him? I found him first!"
"…I think we have a bit of trouble…Aru!"
"What's going on here?" A loud, booming voice suddenly called out, causing all five boys to freeze and look up. Standing by the doorway was an older man with long, braded blond hair.
"N-nothing, Chancellor Germainia… W-we were just…" Alfred tried to explain.
"What is the meaning of this?" the Chancellor interrupted, glazing at Arthur. "You boys should know by now that bringing strangers in the dormitories is strictly forbidden! Now who was the one responsible for this mess?"
Three pairs of fingers quickly pointed themselves directly at Alfred.
The bespeckled blond glowered. "Thanks a lot, you guys,"
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Translations:
Comment allez vous - How are you?
Anglais - Englishman
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