It was hot. Very hot... (Of Lumos, Slash, and Crackfic.)
Hello loves! I'm back from Lumos! For those of you who weren't paying attention, I just spent a week in Las Vegas, for the 2006 Harry Potter convention, Lumos. It was AWESOME. My god, it was awesome. The resort was awesome. The slashers were awesome (but we knew that). The panels were awesome. The crackfic was awesome. Just LOVED it.
I'd start a shout-out right now to all the people I met (and got to see again), but I think it would take all night to list them. So, a quick mix of real names, screen names, and nicknames - Kriken, Emmagrant, Geoviki, Kayla, Stephanie, Beth, Meghan, Alax, Mare, The Queen of the Badger Bitches, our purple friend Violet (*wink!*), Furiosity, Anneke, coffeejunki, taradiane, Myra, Slughorn, Australian Snape, Logospilgrim, Gypsy, Genii... okay, I'm cutting it off right there because my brain is mush, and I can't remember anyone else by name right now. I know, it's awful. But it's something like 100 degrees here right now, and HUMID, and the air conditioner I bought is too fucking big, and requires tools I don't have. The fucker from Sears... if I could get my hands around his scrawney little neck right now...
*cough*
Okay, for those of you who were at the Crackfic panel, I think there was a standing request for me to post the BNF Deathmatch Crackfic that I scribbled down and read aloud at the end of the panel. Well, I lost the fic. It was tucked into my yearbook, and I lost my yearbook. But, alas, I think I remember enough to revise, and make it even better. So, by popular request:
BNF DEATHMATCH: LUMOS 2006
It was hot. Very hot. Mid-day in Las Vegas is always hot. But at the Lumos Convention, things were really heating up.
Fandom Heavyweights Geoviki and Furiosity were being held apart at an armslength as they made their way to the hot tub, muscles straining and eyes bulging. Never had the stakes been so high. No single fic, no single author - not even a ship - was under the gun. No, this time, the very definition of Crackfic was on the line.
Geoviki stalked forward evenly, shoulders hunched forward, her eyes grey and stormy. Grey like the sea in winter. Smokey grey, like the grey of smoke over the last firey embers. Perhaps even gunmetal grey. She flexed her muscles beneath her skin-tight t-shirt, knuckles cracking, but refused to look to the left, past Emmagrant, to Furiosity.
Furiosity, for her part, was... furious. And hot. Especially because she had stripped down to her leather underwear. Thong. With chains.
"I think you might want to take those chains off," Emmagrant said uneasily. "We don't need anyone bleeding out in the hot tub." (Of course, the fact that Emma was hoping the hot tub would be available for a topless fangirl orgy that night might have had something to do with her concern.)
"The chains can stay," Viki growled. "All the easier for me to drag her under the water."
"Viki..."
"I'll wrap these chains around your scrawny little neck!" Furiosity hissed, needing again to be held back by a pair of fawning fangirls in togas. Somewhere back in the crowd, another fangirl yelled out, "No! Wrap them around my neck! Please?!?"
Emma sighed and mumbled under her breath. "We've got a kinky bunch tonight." Apparently, she wasn't quiet enough, because a cheer went up through the crowd.
The hoard of fangirls followed the two contenders and their nervous referee through the resort grounds, past the wedding gazebo (where it appeared that Snape and and Lucius #4 were snogging madly), around the pools, and towards the hot tub. Confused Muggles fled before the gaggle of bedsheet and leather-clad slashers. Mothers grabbed their children and covered their eyes. Men screamed like the chubby Capital One guy. A duck quacked.
Finally, the throng arrived at the hot tub, but the sacred site for BNF Deathmatch Lumos '06 was already occupied by two young men. A slender, pale blond with smokey, shining, silvery grey eyes was stretched lazily with his legs across the lap of nicely muscled, bespectacled, emerald-eyed stud with wild raven hair. The blond cocked his head at the fangirls, appraising the leather adornments on some of them as they all stood, silently stunned.
Finally, he nodded in approval. "Ladies, ladies, come right in! Plenty of room for such a well appointed group." He tilted his head towards Furiosity in acknowledgement. "Nice chains."
"Uh... er... thanks... er..."
The dark-haired man ran his fingers through the other's blond hair, then winked. "Yes, do come in. The water is... hot."
~FIN~