fic: "Collide"
sequel to Meetings. This began life as comfort fic for angelqueen04 but now is morphing into full blown "fix S4!" fic.
Not Sparky fic, not yet. I suspect the next installment may officially go there. Meanwhile, heavy John/Rodney friendship stuff going on here, along with some angst. Big spoilers for S4 obviously.
John watched in fascination as the new dwarf galaxy spawned off the collision between two spiral galaxies. He supposed "watched" was not the right word, as he no longer had physical eyes with which to see things. But he was still grappling with the knowledge of the Ascended and still thinking in corporeal structures. At least according to the one disapproving Ancient who had dogged him and Elizabeth for a while.
The moment when he reached the plane on which the Ancients now dwelled... there were no words in any language anywhere that could adequately describe it. He'd felt himself in danger of shattering hopelessly under the rush of awareness and pure information. But Elizabeth had been there, a steady anchor in the chaos, helping him focus and bring order to the maelstrom.
He asked, once, if it was like that for her when she Ascended. The wry reply he received suggested Janus, having evolved properly into the higher plane, had had no idea what it was like to leap from ordinary mortal to enlightenment in a single heartbeat.
As if the thought had summoned her, Elizabeth appeared next to him. Though they were capable of other forms, they tended to appear to each other as they had when they were still people. John imagined the Others disapproved of that as well, thinking it a sign that neither of them had truly left their old lives behind.
John didn't really give a damn.
He became aware that Elizabeth was regarding him. When his attention turned to her, she reached for him. "It's time."
"For what?"
He was aware of a distant ripple from the Others. Elizabeth's presence darkened slightly to him. "I know you want to see Atlantis, again, John. At least once more."
Had he still been human, his throat would have gone dry and his heartbeat would have skyrocketed. He'd demanded and pleaded to go home, just to make sure everyone he left behind was okay, right after he first Ascended. The Others had forbidden it, though, and Elizabeth herself counseled him to wait.
He didn't know what had changed since then, but he wasn't about to argue.
Ironically, Elizabeth was much better at navigating the intricacies of space-time so John allowed her to lead him to Atlantis. As they drew close to the city, her consciousness mingled with his and he heard her clearly, "Be careful. The Others are watching us."
She pulled away again before he could respond.
The city was resting securely on the water, sparkling in the night. John felt his mind swell with relief just at the sight. He'd been secretly afraid that the reason he'd been kept from this place was that the city was gone, although he thought Elizabeth would have insisted on trying to rescue as many of their people as she could, if that had been the case.
They drifted silently into the control room, instinct and habit drawing them to that central place. The night watch was in place, but Colonel Carter sat in Elizabeth's old office. John was slightly amused at the flicker of irritation he felt from Elizabeth. He caught a stray thought about "military super-Barbie" before she subsided.
Lorne and Cadman were eating dinner together in the mess, talking quietly over something. John wondered if Lorne had been promoted after his death.
He questioned Elizabeth. Four months had gone by here since his Ascension.
Ronon crossed the room, carrying a tray, and John followed him to the living quarters, shamelessly floating through the wall when Ronon entered Teyla's room.
John stopped short, earning a laugh from Elizabeth. Teyla, looking fairly haggard, was pacing the floor with a bundle in her arms. She was singing quietly and John peeked inside the blanket to see a tiny face, scrunched up with sleep, pressed into Teyla's shoulder.
Teyla and Ronon passed the baby from her to him. Even that slight disturbance caused a grumpy noise from the kid, but Ronon hefted the tiny thing on one big shoulder and resumed Teyla's aimless wandering up and down. Teyla herself sank into a chair and attacked the plate of food Ronon had brought her.
John felt a strong pang of sadness. He'd wanted to be here when Teyla had the baby to help, at least as much as he could. He could feel Elizabeth's thoughts were running along a similar path.
Before they left, Elizabeth stretched out to the sleeping child and feathered a light touch over the baby's head.
They moved through the city, spotting people working or relaxing. But John noticed that many people seemed subdued. There were a lot of dark circles under people's eyes and somehow the city just didn't feel... right.
When he asked Elizabeth, she didn't respond immediately. She turned instead in a direction he knew well.
Radek was typing at a laptop, glaring at the results which were evidently not telling him what he wanted to see. But John's attention was fixed on Rodney.
He looked awful. For all Ronon's jibes about Rodney's weight, now he'd clearly lost some pounds and he looked far worse than he had before. His jaw was clamped in a tight line that made John remember aching muscles just to see it. He was hunched over a laptop, intent on his work, but John was shocked to see his eyes.
Rodney's eyes were almost dead. It was unnerving to see. Rodney had the worst poker face ever, and whatever he tried his face always gave away what he was really feeling.
Judging by his face, right now Rodney was feeling nothing. Or he was pushing down every single emotion and refusing to feel any of it.
John wanted so badly to do something, anything. He just wanted Rodney to know that he was okay, that Elizabeth was okay. It couldn't hurt that much, could it? To let their best friend know that?
Elizabeth had gone taut and hostile and John realized the Others were near, watching like vultures ready to swoop in on them. Fury erupted within him.
Rodney blinked and looked up, glancing around like he'd just heard something.
Elizabeth tugged at him. They had to leave now before the Others intervened.
John detached himself from her with a hasty apology and blasted away from the city and the god damned Others before he could do anything that would endanger himself or Elizabeth.
***
He ended up back watching the galaxies alone, until Elizabeth again appeared next to him.
He still didn't understand the relativity of time here, but it felt like a long stretch had gone by while he grappled with his anger and Elizabeth did... whatever she did now. The tiredness emanating from her suggested she'd been going through her own struggles.
They stayed there, not communicating, until John finally gave form to the thought that had been tormenting him since they left Atlantis.
"He expected me to come back."
Elizabeth recoiled, but John knew it was the truth. Rodney had surmised when John's physical body disappeared that he'd Ascended. Knowing Rodney, he'd probably skipped ahead to the realization that Elizabeth might also be Ascended. So Rodney expected that any day John and possibly Elizabeth would just appear, drop from the sky and be back.
Ascension didn't work that way. John had known that before Elizabeth had come to him. But Rodney...
There seemed to be nothing for Elizabeth to say or think that could be comforting. Rodney might not be alone; he had Teyla and Ronon and Radek still. But to lose Carson, then Elizabeth, then him... John didn't want to think about it, except his mind kept returning to that haunting thought.
Elizabeth drifted nearer to the collision point where the two galaxies were shredding each other in a complex war of gravitational and magnetic fields. John followed more out of habit than anything.
"The Others have decided to back off," she informed him.
Surprised, he reached out and discovered she was right. The omnipresent sense of being watched had faded to a distant awareness.
"When you left Atlantis and didn't fight them to go back, you passed their last test."
Was he projecting or was that bitterness in her?
They were revolving slowly around each other, approaching to the event horizon. "So, does that mean I get a diploma or something? Master of Ascension Non-Interference Bullshit?"
Elizabeth twinged in anxiety and John hesitated. She seemed almost nervous and for someone who'd been dwelling in an enlightened state for months, that was odd.
Elizabeth slipped closer. He could sense her presence, just as he could sense the enormous forces being released around them by the collision, except Elizabeth, being what he also was, felt much stronger. Or maybe that was memory and association working on him. He focused on her.
"John, there's something you need to know."
She said nothing else. He closed the remaining distance between them, curious and abruptly nervous himself. At her urging, his consciousness reluctantly mingled with hers again. They'd only done this for fleeting moments before, as they had on the journey to the city. He could feel that Elizabeth wanted him to find something, and she was allowing him into her deepest thoughts in order for him to do it.
Awkwardly he stumbled through memories, of a little girl with pigtails and red sneakers, of summer time trips to the amusement park. He'd never asked her about it but she loved roller coasters. He guessed what he was supposed to find wasn't here, though.
He saw... an adolescent girl, tall and gawky (that thought earned him an ephemeral glare) in a prom dress. A tiny, cinder-block room. A dorm room, and on the bed was a young guy with brown hair and green eyes-
"A little bit later than that, John," Elizabeth nudged. He couldn't hide his amusement at her embarrassment, although he did doubt the purpose of this exercise was for him to see the boy who'd taken her virginity.
Other things flashed by, faces and moments and then a white dog, the Stargate, and a thousand of Elizabeth's most precious memories swarmed him as he relived the three years they shared in Atlantis. He shuddered at the sight of himself, screaming her name and being dragged away by Ronon.
Something strange began to happen. Memories surfaced of the city, but they were of things he didn't remember. He wasn't in them, and neither was she. Rodney, Ronon, Teyla, Radek and Lorne and Carter were there and the city...
He jolted, separating from her in shock and horror. Those weren't memories, they were visions.
Elizabeth hushed him frantically, as if looking over her shoulder for the Others.
Quietly she explained that in the confusion of her Ascension, her mind had stretched out not just into the past but into the future. She had seen things she was not meant to, things she couldn't possibly forget.
The Others don't know, she responded as soon as he had the thought himself.
"We have to go back. We have to stop it." He reached out to her again, as if to take her by the shoulders because Elizabeth couldn't possibly know this and show it to him and think he could sit still...
Realization dawned. This had been her plan from the beginning. She had concealed what she knew from the Ancients and bided her time, bringing him to her, and waited until the Others let him be. Now they were shielded by the colliding galaxies around them, so she could tell him...
"It's more a desperate idea than a plan," she answered him anxiously. "But I can't think of anything else."
It was dangerous, reckless and crazy. Which, as he pointed out, made it much like all their other plans.
It was also going to require something of them both that John, at least, wasn't sure he was ready for. But he couldn't do nothing. Not when it meant a chance to save the city and their people.
"When do we start?"
"Now."
Not Sparky fic, not yet. I suspect the next installment may officially go there. Meanwhile, heavy John/Rodney friendship stuff going on here, along with some angst. Big spoilers for S4 obviously.
John watched in fascination as the new dwarf galaxy spawned off the collision between two spiral galaxies. He supposed "watched" was not the right word, as he no longer had physical eyes with which to see things. But he was still grappling with the knowledge of the Ascended and still thinking in corporeal structures. At least according to the one disapproving Ancient who had dogged him and Elizabeth for a while.
The moment when he reached the plane on which the Ancients now dwelled... there were no words in any language anywhere that could adequately describe it. He'd felt himself in danger of shattering hopelessly under the rush of awareness and pure information. But Elizabeth had been there, a steady anchor in the chaos, helping him focus and bring order to the maelstrom.
He asked, once, if it was like that for her when she Ascended. The wry reply he received suggested Janus, having evolved properly into the higher plane, had had no idea what it was like to leap from ordinary mortal to enlightenment in a single heartbeat.
As if the thought had summoned her, Elizabeth appeared next to him. Though they were capable of other forms, they tended to appear to each other as they had when they were still people. John imagined the Others disapproved of that as well, thinking it a sign that neither of them had truly left their old lives behind.
John didn't really give a damn.
He became aware that Elizabeth was regarding him. When his attention turned to her, she reached for him. "It's time."
"For what?"
He was aware of a distant ripple from the Others. Elizabeth's presence darkened slightly to him. "I know you want to see Atlantis, again, John. At least once more."
Had he still been human, his throat would have gone dry and his heartbeat would have skyrocketed. He'd demanded and pleaded to go home, just to make sure everyone he left behind was okay, right after he first Ascended. The Others had forbidden it, though, and Elizabeth herself counseled him to wait.
He didn't know what had changed since then, but he wasn't about to argue.
Ironically, Elizabeth was much better at navigating the intricacies of space-time so John allowed her to lead him to Atlantis. As they drew close to the city, her consciousness mingled with his and he heard her clearly, "Be careful. The Others are watching us."
She pulled away again before he could respond.
The city was resting securely on the water, sparkling in the night. John felt his mind swell with relief just at the sight. He'd been secretly afraid that the reason he'd been kept from this place was that the city was gone, although he thought Elizabeth would have insisted on trying to rescue as many of their people as she could, if that had been the case.
They drifted silently into the control room, instinct and habit drawing them to that central place. The night watch was in place, but Colonel Carter sat in Elizabeth's old office. John was slightly amused at the flicker of irritation he felt from Elizabeth. He caught a stray thought about "military super-Barbie" before she subsided.
Lorne and Cadman were eating dinner together in the mess, talking quietly over something. John wondered if Lorne had been promoted after his death.
He questioned Elizabeth. Four months had gone by here since his Ascension.
Ronon crossed the room, carrying a tray, and John followed him to the living quarters, shamelessly floating through the wall when Ronon entered Teyla's room.
John stopped short, earning a laugh from Elizabeth. Teyla, looking fairly haggard, was pacing the floor with a bundle in her arms. She was singing quietly and John peeked inside the blanket to see a tiny face, scrunched up with sleep, pressed into Teyla's shoulder.
Teyla and Ronon passed the baby from her to him. Even that slight disturbance caused a grumpy noise from the kid, but Ronon hefted the tiny thing on one big shoulder and resumed Teyla's aimless wandering up and down. Teyla herself sank into a chair and attacked the plate of food Ronon had brought her.
John felt a strong pang of sadness. He'd wanted to be here when Teyla had the baby to help, at least as much as he could. He could feel Elizabeth's thoughts were running along a similar path.
Before they left, Elizabeth stretched out to the sleeping child and feathered a light touch over the baby's head.
They moved through the city, spotting people working or relaxing. But John noticed that many people seemed subdued. There were a lot of dark circles under people's eyes and somehow the city just didn't feel... right.
When he asked Elizabeth, she didn't respond immediately. She turned instead in a direction he knew well.
Radek was typing at a laptop, glaring at the results which were evidently not telling him what he wanted to see. But John's attention was fixed on Rodney.
He looked awful. For all Ronon's jibes about Rodney's weight, now he'd clearly lost some pounds and he looked far worse than he had before. His jaw was clamped in a tight line that made John remember aching muscles just to see it. He was hunched over a laptop, intent on his work, but John was shocked to see his eyes.
Rodney's eyes were almost dead. It was unnerving to see. Rodney had the worst poker face ever, and whatever he tried his face always gave away what he was really feeling.
Judging by his face, right now Rodney was feeling nothing. Or he was pushing down every single emotion and refusing to feel any of it.
John wanted so badly to do something, anything. He just wanted Rodney to know that he was okay, that Elizabeth was okay. It couldn't hurt that much, could it? To let their best friend know that?
Elizabeth had gone taut and hostile and John realized the Others were near, watching like vultures ready to swoop in on them. Fury erupted within him.
Rodney blinked and looked up, glancing around like he'd just heard something.
Elizabeth tugged at him. They had to leave now before the Others intervened.
John detached himself from her with a hasty apology and blasted away from the city and the god damned Others before he could do anything that would endanger himself or Elizabeth.
***
He ended up back watching the galaxies alone, until Elizabeth again appeared next to him.
He still didn't understand the relativity of time here, but it felt like a long stretch had gone by while he grappled with his anger and Elizabeth did... whatever she did now. The tiredness emanating from her suggested she'd been going through her own struggles.
They stayed there, not communicating, until John finally gave form to the thought that had been tormenting him since they left Atlantis.
"He expected me to come back."
Elizabeth recoiled, but John knew it was the truth. Rodney had surmised when John's physical body disappeared that he'd Ascended. Knowing Rodney, he'd probably skipped ahead to the realization that Elizabeth might also be Ascended. So Rodney expected that any day John and possibly Elizabeth would just appear, drop from the sky and be back.
Ascension didn't work that way. John had known that before Elizabeth had come to him. But Rodney...
There seemed to be nothing for Elizabeth to say or think that could be comforting. Rodney might not be alone; he had Teyla and Ronon and Radek still. But to lose Carson, then Elizabeth, then him... John didn't want to think about it, except his mind kept returning to that haunting thought.
Elizabeth drifted nearer to the collision point where the two galaxies were shredding each other in a complex war of gravitational and magnetic fields. John followed more out of habit than anything.
"The Others have decided to back off," she informed him.
Surprised, he reached out and discovered she was right. The omnipresent sense of being watched had faded to a distant awareness.
"When you left Atlantis and didn't fight them to go back, you passed their last test."
Was he projecting or was that bitterness in her?
They were revolving slowly around each other, approaching to the event horizon. "So, does that mean I get a diploma or something? Master of Ascension Non-Interference Bullshit?"
Elizabeth twinged in anxiety and John hesitated. She seemed almost nervous and for someone who'd been dwelling in an enlightened state for months, that was odd.
Elizabeth slipped closer. He could sense her presence, just as he could sense the enormous forces being released around them by the collision, except Elizabeth, being what he also was, felt much stronger. Or maybe that was memory and association working on him. He focused on her.
"John, there's something you need to know."
She said nothing else. He closed the remaining distance between them, curious and abruptly nervous himself. At her urging, his consciousness reluctantly mingled with hers again. They'd only done this for fleeting moments before, as they had on the journey to the city. He could feel that Elizabeth wanted him to find something, and she was allowing him into her deepest thoughts in order for him to do it.
Awkwardly he stumbled through memories, of a little girl with pigtails and red sneakers, of summer time trips to the amusement park. He'd never asked her about it but she loved roller coasters. He guessed what he was supposed to find wasn't here, though.
He saw... an adolescent girl, tall and gawky (that thought earned him an ephemeral glare) in a prom dress. A tiny, cinder-block room. A dorm room, and on the bed was a young guy with brown hair and green eyes-
"A little bit later than that, John," Elizabeth nudged. He couldn't hide his amusement at her embarrassment, although he did doubt the purpose of this exercise was for him to see the boy who'd taken her virginity.
Other things flashed by, faces and moments and then a white dog, the Stargate, and a thousand of Elizabeth's most precious memories swarmed him as he relived the three years they shared in Atlantis. He shuddered at the sight of himself, screaming her name and being dragged away by Ronon.
Something strange began to happen. Memories surfaced of the city, but they were of things he didn't remember. He wasn't in them, and neither was she. Rodney, Ronon, Teyla, Radek and Lorne and Carter were there and the city...
He jolted, separating from her in shock and horror. Those weren't memories, they were visions.
Elizabeth hushed him frantically, as if looking over her shoulder for the Others.
Quietly she explained that in the confusion of her Ascension, her mind had stretched out not just into the past but into the future. She had seen things she was not meant to, things she couldn't possibly forget.
The Others don't know, she responded as soon as he had the thought himself.
"We have to go back. We have to stop it." He reached out to her again, as if to take her by the shoulders because Elizabeth couldn't possibly know this and show it to him and think he could sit still...
Realization dawned. This had been her plan from the beginning. She had concealed what she knew from the Ancients and bided her time, bringing him to her, and waited until the Others let him be. Now they were shielded by the colliding galaxies around them, so she could tell him...
"It's more a desperate idea than a plan," she answered him anxiously. "But I can't think of anything else."
It was dangerous, reckless and crazy. Which, as he pointed out, made it much like all their other plans.
It was also going to require something of them both that John, at least, wasn't sure he was ready for. But he couldn't do nothing. Not when it meant a chance to save the city and their people.
"When do we start?"
"Now."