This Isn't the End Of the World (Just the End of Ours) (30 Rock, Jack/Liz)
Title: This Isn't the End Of the World (Just the End of Ours)
Prompt: un_love_you # 04. I need to want you.
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Word Count: 664
Rating: PG
Table: Over here.
Summary: It never did click.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. Please don't sue.
*
He's in love with her.
So he told her.
She didn't know how she felt.
Still, she went along with kissing him. Went back to his place. Went to bed with him. Waited, through every touch, every kiss, for something to click. Because being in love with him, a man she knows so well and who knows her better than she could ever know herself, would solve everything. She wouldn't have to keep on being alone, wouldn't have to suffer through any more awkward dates or short-lived romances. She could jump into something right away, know it was going somewhere, and not need to spend a lot of time explaining herself.
But it never did click, and she thinks he knows. Because he does know her. Because sometimes, when they would break apart for air or to take another piece of clothing off, he would stop for a moment and look at her as if he was about to say something important. But he'd only utter her name or kiss her or touch her. And, in those moments especially, she could feel how much he loves her, but it failed to spark anything in her.
She'd felt apathetic during romantic moments before, but this was the first time her reaction caused her to feel like an awful person. It made no sense to her that she could be loved by someone she loves, because she does love him even if it's not in the way he wants her to, someone who's not any more screwed up or embarrassing than she is, and it still wouldn't feel right. She felt like she was just addicted to being unhappy with what she's given. She felt terrible.
She feels terrible.
She feels lonely.
She thought this was going to fix everything. She thought Jack was going to fix everything. Well, not everything. Just the part about being alone and without love. She knows he wanted to be her solution.
But this doesn't feel like a beginning. This feels like her wrecking a friendship with sex, this feels like hurting someone she cares about.
This feels like a mistake.
She's silent as she stares at the ceiling. He doesn't say anything either, and she finds herself mentally counting the seconds to distract herself from the words she can't figure out how to say. Jack, as usual, is a couple steps ahead of her and supplies the truth:
"You're not in love with me."
He sounds vaguely mystified and maybe this is why she's not in love with him: because he's the type of guy who can't imagine a woman not adoring him.
But when she glances over at him, he doesn't look as if he's puzzling over his current situation; sadness has overtaken his expression and she can't believe this happened. She can't believe she did this to her best friend. She can't believe she has the ability to do this to Jack.
"You'll be okay," she says because she needs to believe he'll be okay. Because she believes he will be; she's not the type of woman that men have a difficult time getting over. "What am I saying? You don't need me to tell you that you'll be okay." She lets out a breath. "We'll be okay, right?"
"I'm sure we will be," he says.
She waits for him to elaborate; to tell her how they'll be able to go back to where they were yesterday, the time he was the person she could talk to when she felt awful about everything. "I should go," she says. She rests her hand over his for a moment. "I do... you're my friend. I care about you."
She waits for him to acknowledge this, and he eventually gives her an "I know, Lemon" before adding, "You don't have to tell me that. You don't have to pity me."
"I don't pity you," she says.
She tries to think of the right way to say goodbye.
She keeps trying.
END
Prompt: un_love_you # 04. I need to want you.
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Jack/Liz
Word Count: 664
Rating: PG
Table: Over here.
Summary: It never did click.
Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. Please don't sue.
*
He's in love with her.
So he told her.
She didn't know how she felt.
Still, she went along with kissing him. Went back to his place. Went to bed with him. Waited, through every touch, every kiss, for something to click. Because being in love with him, a man she knows so well and who knows her better than she could ever know herself, would solve everything. She wouldn't have to keep on being alone, wouldn't have to suffer through any more awkward dates or short-lived romances. She could jump into something right away, know it was going somewhere, and not need to spend a lot of time explaining herself.
But it never did click, and she thinks he knows. Because he does know her. Because sometimes, when they would break apart for air or to take another piece of clothing off, he would stop for a moment and look at her as if he was about to say something important. But he'd only utter her name or kiss her or touch her. And, in those moments especially, she could feel how much he loves her, but it failed to spark anything in her.
She'd felt apathetic during romantic moments before, but this was the first time her reaction caused her to feel like an awful person. It made no sense to her that she could be loved by someone she loves, because she does love him even if it's not in the way he wants her to, someone who's not any more screwed up or embarrassing than she is, and it still wouldn't feel right. She felt like she was just addicted to being unhappy with what she's given. She felt terrible.
She feels terrible.
She feels lonely.
She thought this was going to fix everything. She thought Jack was going to fix everything. Well, not everything. Just the part about being alone and without love. She knows he wanted to be her solution.
But this doesn't feel like a beginning. This feels like her wrecking a friendship with sex, this feels like hurting someone she cares about.
This feels like a mistake.
She's silent as she stares at the ceiling. He doesn't say anything either, and she finds herself mentally counting the seconds to distract herself from the words she can't figure out how to say. Jack, as usual, is a couple steps ahead of her and supplies the truth:
"You're not in love with me."
He sounds vaguely mystified and maybe this is why she's not in love with him: because he's the type of guy who can't imagine a woman not adoring him.
But when she glances over at him, he doesn't look as if he's puzzling over his current situation; sadness has overtaken his expression and she can't believe this happened. She can't believe she did this to her best friend. She can't believe she has the ability to do this to Jack.
"You'll be okay," she says because she needs to believe he'll be okay. Because she believes he will be; she's not the type of woman that men have a difficult time getting over. "What am I saying? You don't need me to tell you that you'll be okay." She lets out a breath. "We'll be okay, right?"
"I'm sure we will be," he says.
She waits for him to elaborate; to tell her how they'll be able to go back to where they were yesterday, the time he was the person she could talk to when she felt awful about everything. "I should go," she says. She rests her hand over his for a moment. "I do... you're my friend. I care about you."
She waits for him to acknowledge this, and he eventually gives her an "I know, Lemon" before adding, "You don't have to tell me that. You don't have to pity me."
"I don't pity you," she says.
She tries to think of the right way to say goodbye.
She keeps trying.
END