FF: That's The Thanks We Get For Falling In Love
I’ve decided to take a break from my other fic ‘Jan’s Journal’. This was just something I thought of when I heard this song on cinema_sky’s myspace. So I’d like to thank-her and give her some credit. Also she helped me out when I was having a little bit of writer’s block! So thanks again Sky!
The song is “The Thanks I Get For Loving You” by Wilco. If guys haven’t heard it…go listen to it on myspace! http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=5212009
Seriously…it is so EmJay…
Each verse is a different part of their relationship starting with ‘The Client’ Episode. I’m not writing all of the verses down until the very end. Then you can read the whole song all at once…Enjoy!
Michael loves Jan. That has to be one of the most obvious assertions. They might not be together. Yes, Jan MAY be married but Michael still hopes that some sparks will fly. Even if it was just a match that went out as fast as it was lit.
Tonight they’re meeting a client at Chili’s. Jan isn’t aware of this alternation yet. Although, Michael has a good reason as to why he doesn’t want the meeting at The Radisson. There are no words to describe The Radisson. No. He hates that place…its too pretentious. Not to mention, at Chili’s? There’s Awesome Blossoms and alcohol! What’s better than that?
So this client they’re meeting, kind of a big deal. Michael lands this deal and they might as well make him CEO. His name is Christian. Michael is pretty sure that he’s Baptist…NOT Christian…some people can be confused by his name. Most black people…African Americans (less offensive) are Baptists. This goes the same with last names. You know just because someone’s last name might be ‘Gay’ doesn’t mean that they ARE. Michael learned that the hard way.
-
Was Jan nervous about tonight? Sure. But tonight, however, Jan Levinson-Gould, (well…no Gould, Gould has been cut-divorce) saw what Michael Scott does best…and that is…sell paper.
-
Jan is passed out in her motel bed. She stirs a bit to feel an object lying next to her. She frantically moves every which way not really knowing what may have transpired last night…she reads the clock. 7:00. She didn’t realize how drunk she was the night before until she first sat up on the bed. She instantly had blood rushing to her brain giving her a head ache. This was going to be a long day. She looked over to the object that still lied peacefully a slumber. She instantly wants to throw-up but instead swats him just about as hard as she could to get his ass up!
“Whoa…hey you! Is everything okay?”
“Like you even have to ask?”
Before Michael can go in for a kiss, Jan whips the blankets off her as she swings her feet over the side to stand up. When she does so, that headache started to progress into what seems to be the start of a migraine. Michael instantly becomes concerned about her.
“Honey why don’t you just come back to bed…take it easy, you had a long night.”
“Honey?” Did she hear right? Did Michael just refer to her as ’honey’?
"Yes, dear?" Michael does another thing he’s so great at. Being naïve. They spent one night together and he just assumes that they have a relationship now. You know what they say? About assuming? How it makes and ass out of U and ME? Well this was that same thing. Except Michael would actually just be making an ass out of himself.
“Michael, stop calling me those things. Look I don’t know what MAY have transpired between us last night, but it meant nothing. You need to just forget it and leave. Alright?”
Michael didn’t have nearly as much to drink as Jan had. So when he stood up to walk closer to her, he had no headache whatsoever, “How can I forget last night? Last night was amazing.” He takes her arms with the soft touch of his hands that sends shivers up and down Jan’s spine. It only last a second before she backed away.
“No. No it was not. What we did was a sick thing okay…I’m going through a divorce, I’m not in a…”
“Wait. What?” Now did he hear her right?
“I’m going through a divorce Michael. I know I told you that.” At least she thought she did.
“I know about that. But what was sick about last night?”
“Are you serious? Michael we had sex. It was wrong and sick. And shame on you for taking advantage of me like that. I mean its absolutely absurd, you are just…”
Michael just watches her as she rants and rages over the entire motel room at how sick and wrong it was. He just stares at her in every direction she goes. Jan notices his smirk on his face and immediately stops pacing the floor.
“What? Do you think this is funny?”
“No I was just thinking about last night that’s all.”
“You know? If you tell anybody about last night, we will BOTH be fired like that.” Jan snaps her fingers.
“No. Jan listen. We didn’t have sex. Believe me, we could have. But we didn’t…”
And that was the truth. They didn’t have sex. Jan really wanted sex last night, but he knew it wasn’t necessarily HIM she wanted to have sex with. She was just so hurt and vulnerable that she would’ve done Christian if it had come to that.
---
The Night Before-Jan’s Motel Room
Things are getting hot and heavy. So hot and heavy that Jan wants something. Bad.
“Do me Michael.”
“What-I don’t know what you…Let's just keep kissing” He kisses her again. God he loved kissing her. He never thought that he'd enjoy it THIS much.
“Come on…don’t you want it?” Jan begins undoing his tie. He had loosened it earlier that night. God did he look so hot. Then they landed the deal and he tightened it back up.
Michael does everything in his willpower to not rip all of her clothes off. Because he knows that Jan’s going through a divorce and it wouldn’t be right of him to do that. At least it was just his TIE that she was loosening. Just as long as she doesn’t head towards the…wait she’s going for the buckle, “Jan…slow down okay?”
“What?” Jan doesn’t really know what she’s doing wrong here. Don’t all men want to take advantage of drunk women?
“You’re drunk. You’re going through a divorce right now. Don’t do anything that you will regret tomorrow.”
She backs off of him a little and gives him one of the prettiest smiles he has ever seen, “Don’t regret anything that once made you smile.”
Then Michael asked the question. The question that made her break down into tears. The question that made her open up to him. The question that made them talk for 5 hours. “Do you regret your marriage?”
---
“So you’re telling me that you didn’t take advantage of me?”
“The only way I took advantage of you was asking questions that I knew I could never ask at the office.”
Jan really doesn’t want to deal with more of this. She’s still so vulnerable about her divorce, that she just wants to get back to New York. She also doesn’t fully believe that Michael is telling the truth. She’s been taken advantage of so many times in the past, so when she actually is taken advantage in a whole different aspect, she finds it hard to believe.
“Look, you need to leave.”
“Well let me bring you back to get your car.”
“Ha! Yeah right. You have to be a raving lunatic to think that I would ever get in a car with you again. Not too mention, what if people see us Michael? I’ll take a cab back.”
“But…”
“Good-bye Michael!”
“Is that thanks I get for loving you?”
“Excuse me? I’m sorry but you do NOT love me.”
“Jan I held you last night. Watched you cry as you poured your heart out to me. “ He stands there waiting for her to say something. Anything! But she just stands there with a blank look on her face like she’s done so many times in the past, “Whateves. I’ll talk to you later.”
And with that, Michael walked out of that motel with his head lower than its ever been, leaving Jan thinking about the night before. Her memories are blurry but she DOES remember. Oh my god! Was he crying with me? What a baby. She remembers making out. They made out a lot. This makes her stomach turn, and NOT in a good way. Sure, Michael MAY have been sweet that night, but come on, this is Michael Scott we‘re talking about here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael had such a bad day at work. He wants nothing more but to go home and relax. Hopefully he’ll be able to. Its been kind of hard since Jan’s moved in. She always has something going on. Whether she has a night planned for them, in that case, Michael has no say in what he does, or it always seems like Jan has some family crisis going on and she needs to vent everything to Michael. It has become very difficult to go home and relax.
Michael had to work a little O.T. It was the last Friday of the month and the expense reports needed to be signed. There’s nothing like waiting till the absolute last minute. He’s pretty sure that he just gave them to Pam to forge his signature. Its their little secret. They do it all the time…so now Michael is on his way home for some peace and quiet. Although that MAY not happen.
“I’m home.”
“You’re late.”
Jan is in the living room watching television. No ‘hello’, no ‘hey hun how was your day?’, nothing. Just that look of death and a statement that even Special ED from Crank Yankers (Michael’s new favorite show) could announce. ‘Yay! You’re late. Yay!’
Michael just rolls his eyes. He would just for ONCE like to be greeted at the door when he came home…maybe a kiss on the cheek? He’s sick and tired of that look she gives him every time he’s a second late.
“I know. I’m sorry. Its Friday and the expense reports were due and…”
“How many times have I told you, if you just DO the reports right away when they get there….you wouldn’t be coming home late like this.” Jan isn’t even his boss anymore and she still treats him like she IS.
He doesn’t feel like arguing. He really wants to just sit down and relax. To be perfectly honest, he hopes that Jan has her yoga tonight, so he could be alone.
“When does your yoga start?”
Every time Michael asks Jan something like that, she gets really annoyed. She feels like she always is telling him her schedule. “Yoga’s on Tuesdays.”
He just ignores her annoyance and plops himself on the couch next to her. He gives her a loving smile and she doesn’t return it. She just takes a deep sigh, “what do you want to do tonight?”
“Nothing. I just want to relax. I had a long, busy day.”
Jan rolls her eyes like she always does. She hates it when Michael doesn’t want to do anything. She’s so used to New York where she was always out doing something.
“Why? Did you have something planned for us to do?”
“No.”
Michael can sense that Jan is upset. He figures, before he can really relax, he should probably make sure she’s ok. He moves closer to her on the couch and begins to give her a back rub, “you okay? You seem a little tense.”
Jan tenses up, “Ow…”
Michael keeps massaging her, “You just need to relax Jan. You’re really tense.”
Jan tenses up even more, “Well I was FINE before you started giving me a back rub. Ow. That really hurts Michael.”
Michael stops, “I’m sorry. I just was trying to…”
“…kill me? God that really hurt!” Jan rubs her neck.
Michael flinches at the sudden harsh tone in her voice. This day has been hard and he really did not want to start a stupid meaningless fight. So he resolves on letting her have this one and sulking off to a quieter, more peaceful place. A place where he doesn't have to walk on eggshells. A place where he doesn't have to pretend that it doesn't hurt when she has her little outbursts. He feels a twinge of sadness and something akin to annoyance that she not only doesn't seem to care how his day went, but also, at the simple fact that he's trying so damn hard to please her, getting nothing in return. He sighs deeply and furrows his brow. He tries to be sympathetic to her viewpoint, like he usually is, but today he just doesn't have the energy.
“Okay…I’m sorry…I’m just going to go upstairs now to relax.” Michael turns to go upstairs. Under his breath, “That’s the thanks I get for loving you.” He doesn’t get very far, before Jan stops him with her words.
“What did you just say?” As Jan gets up from the couch, she turns the TV off to make sure she heard Michael right.
“Nothing.” He comes down the couple steps that he already went up.
“Really? Because it sounded like you said…” Jan just shakes out of what she ‘thought’ she heard. Instead she just changes the subject, “You know? Maybe we should go out tonight and do something? What do ya say? Its Friday night after all.” She so lovingly puts her arms around his waist and gives him a soft sweet kiss.
“What was that for?” He takes her arms that were around his waist. He felt like he was trapped. It was smart to get out of the ring of fire before it was lit, if that makes sense.
Jan smiles.
This seriously gets Michael every time. This is what Jan was so good at. She could be so upset about something, then do a 180 and be completely loving like this, and Michael would forget all the times she's ever been mad or mean towards him. All he needed was that smile. That reassurance. Michael IS trying to work on this though. Because it really is not fair to him. Every time he tries to give her a sweet smile like that, Jan just glares at him and gives him a disgusted look. I guess she’s just stronger when it comes to that kinda thing.
“I don’t know. I just never gave you a kiss ‘hello’ when you got home.” Goes to give him another kiss. Michael just backs away by cutting her off
“Well I don’t really feel like going out tonight. I think I’m just going to go upstairs to bed. Night.”
Jan knew what Michael said earlier. To be honest, it really bugged her. Still does. Because he’s said it once before. They weren’t even together then. So to hear it again, since they ARE together, makes Jan upset. Because he’s basically saying that she doesn’t love him. At least that’s how she took it.
“So is this thanks I get for loving you?” There’s that 180 again. Here she was getting all annoyed and upset again.
This is when living together sucked. You can’t really just walk out and go home. Because-well-you’re walking out of YOUR home. Even if you just left and took a drive somewhere, you still have to go back to your place sooner or later.
“What do you mean?”
Jan just does her eye roll that she’s famous for, “Never mind. Goodnight Michael.”
“Goodnight.”
Jan just about falls over. She can’t believe he's being like this. “God! You can be so…” What’s the word? Before she can think of it Michael pipes in.
“I said ‘goodnight’ Jan!”
Whoa! Big step for Michael. He’s never really snapped back at Jan like that. He also wasn’t looking at her when he said that, which made it easier. If he would've looked back, he might've turned into a pillar of salt. He wasn't going to take any chances.
-
Its 2 am….Jan fell asleep on the couch watching TV. She was really planning on going to bed upstairs, even though Michael and her had that fight. Jan may not seem like this type of person, but she really believes in not going to bed mad. She wanted to go upstairs to talk things out with Michael. She knew he was still up. She knew he was up because he feels the same way. It just saddened her that HE wasn’t the one to come down to work things out.
Michael isn’t sleeping. He fell asleep for a little bit. For about 20 minutes. A good power nap. He felt bad snapping at Jan like that. But it never compared to how much Jan snapped at HIM. So he was allowed this one. He hears the TV downstairs and decides to go down there and turn it off. Even though him and Jan have that thing about ‘never going to bed mad’ he KNEW that she probably fell asleep.
There she is…lying on the couch sleeping. God she looks so beautiful. How can someone so beautiful be so mean to someone so sweet. This makes up for it though. Because all-in-all, Michael knew that Jan wasn’t going anywhere. He knew that she was here to stay. He knew that she was in love with him. He goes over to the couch and grabs the remote to turn the TV off. He takes the blanket, that’s barely on her, and moves it up so she doesn’t get cold.
“Michael?” Jan reaches her hand out and softly takes his arm to get him to sit down on the couch as she sits up a little.
“I’m sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”
“Its okay. I was going to come up earlier, but I just ended up falling asleep I guess.” Jan tries to ease the tension by laughing softly. There’s a bit of a pause before Jan continues, “I’m really sorry.”
Michael half-smiles, “Okay…”
Not really what Jan was expecting to hear, “Okay?”
“What?”
“What do you mean ‘what?’”
“See Jan? This is our problem. We always get so paranoid by what the other person said and I jus…”
“Michael! I say 'I’m sorry' and all I get back is ‘Okay’? What am I supposed to think?”
“Jan…you always say you’re sorry. It doesn’t really mean anything anymore. All it does is puts us in a good mood with each other for a day or 2. Then the same thing happens again. 'Sorry' is supposed to mean that you regret what happened, and you‘ll work on it not happening again.”
She takes his hands and he looks down at her doing so, “Michael? Do you even remember what we were fighting about?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” Jan didn’t forget what they were fighting about. She was hoping Michael had, so they could just move on. She just simply lets go of his hand.
He gets off the couch and goes back upstairs. It appears that they’re not gonna get anything resolved tonight.
But Jan NEEDS to resolve this. “Michael wait!” She gets off the couch and goes upstairs with him.
“Jan…look I just would like to…”
Jan takes his arms, and as sincere as she can be in the most softest voices Jan has ever used, “Michael I really don’t want to start anything with you. Okay? I want nothing more than to go to bed happy tonight…with you.” His head is hanging low, looking every which way but her eyes. She tries to make eye contact with him, “Michael, look at me.” He does. “I DO love you okay? And you can believe it or not, but I really AM sorry about everything. And I WILL work on it. I’m sorry for not being more appreciative towards you when you were giving me a backrub. It was a nice gesture. Especially when I should’ve been giving YOU a backrub since you worked all day.”
“I thought that you forgot about what we were fighting about.”
Laughs slightly, “I guess I was hoping that YOU had forgotten.”
He actually lets out a little laugh himself. Not that he thought it was funny or anything. Because Jan was hoping that he forgot so they could just move on. Michael doesn’t really like just ‘moving on’. He feels like that when things are ‘moved’, that nothing was accomplished and that it doesn’t really HELP their relationship. This only happens when its Michael that’s mad at Jan. When Jan’s mad at Michael, things are never just ‘moved on’…
“Michael, are we gonna be okay?”
“Of course we’re going to be okay. We’ll always be okay.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What a long night. Michael and Jan are on their way home from New York. They’re not exactly talking to each other right now. Maybe a word here and there. Where they should go for dinner and whatnot.
“You know? We could’ve won that 4 million if you would’ve JUST stuck with what we talked about!”
“You had NO right showing everyone my diary!”
“Ugh! Are we still on that Michael? Its not a big deal!”
“Okay…I’ll remember that next time I show everyone YOUR diary.”
“I’m pretty sure e-mailing everyone a topless photo of me is worse than me showing your stupid diary to everyone.” Jan just sighs, “Sorry, I didn’t...”
“Don’t even start with your ‘I didn’t mean it’ crap…you meant EVERY word Jan!”
Silence fills the car once again. Jan DID mean what she said. It WAS stupid for a grown man to have a diary. But then again, its Michael and she knows that he’s sensitive like that. So it was really mean of her to call his diary ‘stupid’.
“I want you to be honest with me here Jan. How much of my diary have you read?”
“I’ve read everything.”
Michael cannot believe that she has read everything he’s written. He wrote so much stuff about her. He just can’t believe that she read everything, yet, she hasn’t brought any of it up. As many good things he’s written about Jan, there were also some stuff he wouldn’t ever want her to read. But she did. He takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes
“Well you said you wanted me to be honest.”
“You’re right. Thank you. Lets just drop it now.”
“Fine.”
That was probably the first time where Michael was the one that wanted to just move on and drop it. Jan was okay with that though. She didn’t feel like fighting anymore. She hopes that things between them won’t be all awkward, instead, maybe it’ll be a wake-up call for both of them, and they’ll finally be able to have a semi-decent relationship. Who knows what it’ll bring.
Nearly an hour later they arrive home. Jan was hoping that the rest of the car ride wouldn’t be awkward, but it was. They ended up stopping at Taco Bell to grab something to eat. Even THEN they weren’t really saying anything. Michael didn’t even open the door for her like he usually does. That really showed Jan just how hurt and upset he was. Maybe showing his diary WAS worse than e-mailing everyone a topless photo of her.
Without even saying a word, Michael begins to go upstairs. But Jan stops him with the soft touch of her hands, “Michael? Are we going to be okay?”
“Of course. We’ll always be okay.”
“We can work on this okay? Make it better?”
“I know.” Michael begins to head upstairs again.
“I’m serious Michael. Lets try starting over.”
“It’s so hard Jan. I mean, what we did to each other was mean! We both hurt each other bad. And we didn’t even win…we could’ve but…”
“…But that’s the thanks we get for falling in love.”
"How is that..."
"Well because I knew how mean it was to show everyone your diary, but I did it anyways. Because I was trying to do you a favor. I really wanted to help you get that 4 million dollars. I was doing everything for you, Michael. Because I love you and I didnt want to see you in debt anymore. You were so stressed, and upset about everything, and I really hated that Michael. You weren't yourself. Since showing everyone your personal diary, I guess karma just didn't see it as doing you a favor and that's why we lost."
'So that's the thanks we get for loving each other..."
"Exactly."
Is that the thanks I get for lovin you?
Is that the thanks I get for tellin you the truth?
You say you wanna know
Where I go when I go
You say you wanna communicate
But you dont hear a word I say
Is that the thanks I get for loving you?
Now I'm tired of the looks you give me when I get home late
And I'm getting tired how you forget the lovin things I say
I hold you tight
I treat you right
Now everytime I go out to play
Why you think im leaving
Is that the thanks I get for loving you?
Now faith and trust, the strongest part of us
That's ok, but you must believe in our love
We can make it better
Put ourselves together and start it again
I hold you tight
You tuck me in at night
I dont ever wanna fight again
I think were both crazy
But thats the thanks we get for falling in love
We can make it better
We can make it better
Put ourselves together
Start it again
The song is “The Thanks I Get For Loving You” by Wilco. If guys haven’t heard it…go listen to it on myspace! http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendID=5212009
Seriously…it is so EmJay…
Each verse is a different part of their relationship starting with ‘The Client’ Episode. I’m not writing all of the verses down until the very end. Then you can read the whole song all at once…Enjoy!
Michael loves Jan. That has to be one of the most obvious assertions. They might not be together. Yes, Jan MAY be married but Michael still hopes that some sparks will fly. Even if it was just a match that went out as fast as it was lit.
Tonight they’re meeting a client at Chili’s. Jan isn’t aware of this alternation yet. Although, Michael has a good reason as to why he doesn’t want the meeting at The Radisson. There are no words to describe The Radisson. No. He hates that place…its too pretentious. Not to mention, at Chili’s? There’s Awesome Blossoms and alcohol! What’s better than that?
So this client they’re meeting, kind of a big deal. Michael lands this deal and they might as well make him CEO. His name is Christian. Michael is pretty sure that he’s Baptist…NOT Christian…some people can be confused by his name. Most black people…African Americans (less offensive) are Baptists. This goes the same with last names. You know just because someone’s last name might be ‘Gay’ doesn’t mean that they ARE. Michael learned that the hard way.
-
Was Jan nervous about tonight? Sure. But tonight, however, Jan Levinson-Gould, (well…no Gould, Gould has been cut-divorce) saw what Michael Scott does best…and that is…sell paper.
-
Jan is passed out in her motel bed. She stirs a bit to feel an object lying next to her. She frantically moves every which way not really knowing what may have transpired last night…she reads the clock. 7:00. She didn’t realize how drunk she was the night before until she first sat up on the bed. She instantly had blood rushing to her brain giving her a head ache. This was going to be a long day. She looked over to the object that still lied peacefully a slumber. She instantly wants to throw-up but instead swats him just about as hard as she could to get his ass up!
“Whoa…hey you! Is everything okay?”
“Like you even have to ask?”
Before Michael can go in for a kiss, Jan whips the blankets off her as she swings her feet over the side to stand up. When she does so, that headache started to progress into what seems to be the start of a migraine. Michael instantly becomes concerned about her.
“Honey why don’t you just come back to bed…take it easy, you had a long night.”
“Honey?” Did she hear right? Did Michael just refer to her as ’honey’?
"Yes, dear?" Michael does another thing he’s so great at. Being naïve. They spent one night together and he just assumes that they have a relationship now. You know what they say? About assuming? How it makes and ass out of U and ME? Well this was that same thing. Except Michael would actually just be making an ass out of himself.
“Michael, stop calling me those things. Look I don’t know what MAY have transpired between us last night, but it meant nothing. You need to just forget it and leave. Alright?”
Michael didn’t have nearly as much to drink as Jan had. So when he stood up to walk closer to her, he had no headache whatsoever, “How can I forget last night? Last night was amazing.” He takes her arms with the soft touch of his hands that sends shivers up and down Jan’s spine. It only last a second before she backed away.
“No. No it was not. What we did was a sick thing okay…I’m going through a divorce, I’m not in a…”
“Wait. What?” Now did he hear her right?
“I’m going through a divorce Michael. I know I told you that.” At least she thought she did.
“I know about that. But what was sick about last night?”
“Are you serious? Michael we had sex. It was wrong and sick. And shame on you for taking advantage of me like that. I mean its absolutely absurd, you are just…”
Michael just watches her as she rants and rages over the entire motel room at how sick and wrong it was. He just stares at her in every direction she goes. Jan notices his smirk on his face and immediately stops pacing the floor.
“What? Do you think this is funny?”
“No I was just thinking about last night that’s all.”
“You know? If you tell anybody about last night, we will BOTH be fired like that.” Jan snaps her fingers.
“No. Jan listen. We didn’t have sex. Believe me, we could have. But we didn’t…”
And that was the truth. They didn’t have sex. Jan really wanted sex last night, but he knew it wasn’t necessarily HIM she wanted to have sex with. She was just so hurt and vulnerable that she would’ve done Christian if it had come to that.
---
The Night Before-Jan’s Motel Room
Things are getting hot and heavy. So hot and heavy that Jan wants something. Bad.
“Do me Michael.”
“What-I don’t know what you…Let's just keep kissing” He kisses her again. God he loved kissing her. He never thought that he'd enjoy it THIS much.
“Come on…don’t you want it?” Jan begins undoing his tie. He had loosened it earlier that night. God did he look so hot. Then they landed the deal and he tightened it back up.
Michael does everything in his willpower to not rip all of her clothes off. Because he knows that Jan’s going through a divorce and it wouldn’t be right of him to do that. At least it was just his TIE that she was loosening. Just as long as she doesn’t head towards the…wait she’s going for the buckle, “Jan…slow down okay?”
“What?” Jan doesn’t really know what she’s doing wrong here. Don’t all men want to take advantage of drunk women?
“You’re drunk. You’re going through a divorce right now. Don’t do anything that you will regret tomorrow.”
She backs off of him a little and gives him one of the prettiest smiles he has ever seen, “Don’t regret anything that once made you smile.”
Then Michael asked the question. The question that made her break down into tears. The question that made her open up to him. The question that made them talk for 5 hours. “Do you regret your marriage?”
---
“So you’re telling me that you didn’t take advantage of me?”
“The only way I took advantage of you was asking questions that I knew I could never ask at the office.”
Jan really doesn’t want to deal with more of this. She’s still so vulnerable about her divorce, that she just wants to get back to New York. She also doesn’t fully believe that Michael is telling the truth. She’s been taken advantage of so many times in the past, so when she actually is taken advantage in a whole different aspect, she finds it hard to believe.
“Look, you need to leave.”
“Well let me bring you back to get your car.”
“Ha! Yeah right. You have to be a raving lunatic to think that I would ever get in a car with you again. Not too mention, what if people see us Michael? I’ll take a cab back.”
“But…”
“Good-bye Michael!”
“Is that thanks I get for loving you?”
“Excuse me? I’m sorry but you do NOT love me.”
“Jan I held you last night. Watched you cry as you poured your heart out to me. “ He stands there waiting for her to say something. Anything! But she just stands there with a blank look on her face like she’s done so many times in the past, “Whateves. I’ll talk to you later.”
And with that, Michael walked out of that motel with his head lower than its ever been, leaving Jan thinking about the night before. Her memories are blurry but she DOES remember. Oh my god! Was he crying with me? What a baby. She remembers making out. They made out a lot. This makes her stomach turn, and NOT in a good way. Sure, Michael MAY have been sweet that night, but come on, this is Michael Scott we‘re talking about here.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Michael had such a bad day at work. He wants nothing more but to go home and relax. Hopefully he’ll be able to. Its been kind of hard since Jan’s moved in. She always has something going on. Whether she has a night planned for them, in that case, Michael has no say in what he does, or it always seems like Jan has some family crisis going on and she needs to vent everything to Michael. It has become very difficult to go home and relax.
Michael had to work a little O.T. It was the last Friday of the month and the expense reports needed to be signed. There’s nothing like waiting till the absolute last minute. He’s pretty sure that he just gave them to Pam to forge his signature. Its their little secret. They do it all the time…so now Michael is on his way home for some peace and quiet. Although that MAY not happen.
“I’m home.”
“You’re late.”
Jan is in the living room watching television. No ‘hello’, no ‘hey hun how was your day?’, nothing. Just that look of death and a statement that even Special ED from Crank Yankers (Michael’s new favorite show) could announce. ‘Yay! You’re late. Yay!’
Michael just rolls his eyes. He would just for ONCE like to be greeted at the door when he came home…maybe a kiss on the cheek? He’s sick and tired of that look she gives him every time he’s a second late.
“I know. I’m sorry. Its Friday and the expense reports were due and…”
“How many times have I told you, if you just DO the reports right away when they get there….you wouldn’t be coming home late like this.” Jan isn’t even his boss anymore and she still treats him like she IS.
He doesn’t feel like arguing. He really wants to just sit down and relax. To be perfectly honest, he hopes that Jan has her yoga tonight, so he could be alone.
“When does your yoga start?”
Every time Michael asks Jan something like that, she gets really annoyed. She feels like she always is telling him her schedule. “Yoga’s on Tuesdays.”
He just ignores her annoyance and plops himself on the couch next to her. He gives her a loving smile and she doesn’t return it. She just takes a deep sigh, “what do you want to do tonight?”
“Nothing. I just want to relax. I had a long, busy day.”
Jan rolls her eyes like she always does. She hates it when Michael doesn’t want to do anything. She’s so used to New York where she was always out doing something.
“Why? Did you have something planned for us to do?”
“No.”
Michael can sense that Jan is upset. He figures, before he can really relax, he should probably make sure she’s ok. He moves closer to her on the couch and begins to give her a back rub, “you okay? You seem a little tense.”
Jan tenses up, “Ow…”
Michael keeps massaging her, “You just need to relax Jan. You’re really tense.”
Jan tenses up even more, “Well I was FINE before you started giving me a back rub. Ow. That really hurts Michael.”
Michael stops, “I’m sorry. I just was trying to…”
“…kill me? God that really hurt!” Jan rubs her neck.
Michael flinches at the sudden harsh tone in her voice. This day has been hard and he really did not want to start a stupid meaningless fight. So he resolves on letting her have this one and sulking off to a quieter, more peaceful place. A place where he doesn't have to walk on eggshells. A place where he doesn't have to pretend that it doesn't hurt when she has her little outbursts. He feels a twinge of sadness and something akin to annoyance that she not only doesn't seem to care how his day went, but also, at the simple fact that he's trying so damn hard to please her, getting nothing in return. He sighs deeply and furrows his brow. He tries to be sympathetic to her viewpoint, like he usually is, but today he just doesn't have the energy.
“Okay…I’m sorry…I’m just going to go upstairs now to relax.” Michael turns to go upstairs. Under his breath, “That’s the thanks I get for loving you.” He doesn’t get very far, before Jan stops him with her words.
“What did you just say?” As Jan gets up from the couch, she turns the TV off to make sure she heard Michael right.
“Nothing.” He comes down the couple steps that he already went up.
“Really? Because it sounded like you said…” Jan just shakes out of what she ‘thought’ she heard. Instead she just changes the subject, “You know? Maybe we should go out tonight and do something? What do ya say? Its Friday night after all.” She so lovingly puts her arms around his waist and gives him a soft sweet kiss.
“What was that for?” He takes her arms that were around his waist. He felt like he was trapped. It was smart to get out of the ring of fire before it was lit, if that makes sense.
Jan smiles.
This seriously gets Michael every time. This is what Jan was so good at. She could be so upset about something, then do a 180 and be completely loving like this, and Michael would forget all the times she's ever been mad or mean towards him. All he needed was that smile. That reassurance. Michael IS trying to work on this though. Because it really is not fair to him. Every time he tries to give her a sweet smile like that, Jan just glares at him and gives him a disgusted look. I guess she’s just stronger when it comes to that kinda thing.
“I don’t know. I just never gave you a kiss ‘hello’ when you got home.” Goes to give him another kiss. Michael just backs away by cutting her off
“Well I don’t really feel like going out tonight. I think I’m just going to go upstairs to bed. Night.”
Jan knew what Michael said earlier. To be honest, it really bugged her. Still does. Because he’s said it once before. They weren’t even together then. So to hear it again, since they ARE together, makes Jan upset. Because he’s basically saying that she doesn’t love him. At least that’s how she took it.
“So is this thanks I get for loving you?” There’s that 180 again. Here she was getting all annoyed and upset again.
This is when living together sucked. You can’t really just walk out and go home. Because-well-you’re walking out of YOUR home. Even if you just left and took a drive somewhere, you still have to go back to your place sooner or later.
“What do you mean?”
Jan just does her eye roll that she’s famous for, “Never mind. Goodnight Michael.”
“Goodnight.”
Jan just about falls over. She can’t believe he's being like this. “God! You can be so…” What’s the word? Before she can think of it Michael pipes in.
“I said ‘goodnight’ Jan!”
Whoa! Big step for Michael. He’s never really snapped back at Jan like that. He also wasn’t looking at her when he said that, which made it easier. If he would've looked back, he might've turned into a pillar of salt. He wasn't going to take any chances.
-
Its 2 am….Jan fell asleep on the couch watching TV. She was really planning on going to bed upstairs, even though Michael and her had that fight. Jan may not seem like this type of person, but she really believes in not going to bed mad. She wanted to go upstairs to talk things out with Michael. She knew he was still up. She knew he was up because he feels the same way. It just saddened her that HE wasn’t the one to come down to work things out.
Michael isn’t sleeping. He fell asleep for a little bit. For about 20 minutes. A good power nap. He felt bad snapping at Jan like that. But it never compared to how much Jan snapped at HIM. So he was allowed this one. He hears the TV downstairs and decides to go down there and turn it off. Even though him and Jan have that thing about ‘never going to bed mad’ he KNEW that she probably fell asleep.
There she is…lying on the couch sleeping. God she looks so beautiful. How can someone so beautiful be so mean to someone so sweet. This makes up for it though. Because all-in-all, Michael knew that Jan wasn’t going anywhere. He knew that she was here to stay. He knew that she was in love with him. He goes over to the couch and grabs the remote to turn the TV off. He takes the blanket, that’s barely on her, and moves it up so she doesn’t get cold.
“Michael?” Jan reaches her hand out and softly takes his arm to get him to sit down on the couch as she sits up a little.
“I’m sorry. I was trying not to wake you.”
“Its okay. I was going to come up earlier, but I just ended up falling asleep I guess.” Jan tries to ease the tension by laughing softly. There’s a bit of a pause before Jan continues, “I’m really sorry.”
Michael half-smiles, “Okay…”
Not really what Jan was expecting to hear, “Okay?”
“What?”
“What do you mean ‘what?’”
“See Jan? This is our problem. We always get so paranoid by what the other person said and I jus…”
“Michael! I say 'I’m sorry' and all I get back is ‘Okay’? What am I supposed to think?”
“Jan…you always say you’re sorry. It doesn’t really mean anything anymore. All it does is puts us in a good mood with each other for a day or 2. Then the same thing happens again. 'Sorry' is supposed to mean that you regret what happened, and you‘ll work on it not happening again.”
She takes his hands and he looks down at her doing so, “Michael? Do you even remember what we were fighting about?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh.” Jan didn’t forget what they were fighting about. She was hoping Michael had, so they could just move on. She just simply lets go of his hand.
He gets off the couch and goes back upstairs. It appears that they’re not gonna get anything resolved tonight.
But Jan NEEDS to resolve this. “Michael wait!” She gets off the couch and goes upstairs with him.
“Jan…look I just would like to…”
Jan takes his arms, and as sincere as she can be in the most softest voices Jan has ever used, “Michael I really don’t want to start anything with you. Okay? I want nothing more than to go to bed happy tonight…with you.” His head is hanging low, looking every which way but her eyes. She tries to make eye contact with him, “Michael, look at me.” He does. “I DO love you okay? And you can believe it or not, but I really AM sorry about everything. And I WILL work on it. I’m sorry for not being more appreciative towards you when you were giving me a backrub. It was a nice gesture. Especially when I should’ve been giving YOU a backrub since you worked all day.”
“I thought that you forgot about what we were fighting about.”
Laughs slightly, “I guess I was hoping that YOU had forgotten.”
He actually lets out a little laugh himself. Not that he thought it was funny or anything. Because Jan was hoping that he forgot so they could just move on. Michael doesn’t really like just ‘moving on’. He feels like that when things are ‘moved’, that nothing was accomplished and that it doesn’t really HELP their relationship. This only happens when its Michael that’s mad at Jan. When Jan’s mad at Michael, things are never just ‘moved on’…
“Michael, are we gonna be okay?”
“Of course we’re going to be okay. We’ll always be okay.”
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
What a long night. Michael and Jan are on their way home from New York. They’re not exactly talking to each other right now. Maybe a word here and there. Where they should go for dinner and whatnot.
“You know? We could’ve won that 4 million if you would’ve JUST stuck with what we talked about!”
“You had NO right showing everyone my diary!”
“Ugh! Are we still on that Michael? Its not a big deal!”
“Okay…I’ll remember that next time I show everyone YOUR diary.”
“I’m pretty sure e-mailing everyone a topless photo of me is worse than me showing your stupid diary to everyone.” Jan just sighs, “Sorry, I didn’t...”
“Don’t even start with your ‘I didn’t mean it’ crap…you meant EVERY word Jan!”
Silence fills the car once again. Jan DID mean what she said. It WAS stupid for a grown man to have a diary. But then again, its Michael and she knows that he’s sensitive like that. So it was really mean of her to call his diary ‘stupid’.
“I want you to be honest with me here Jan. How much of my diary have you read?”
“I’ve read everything.”
Michael cannot believe that she has read everything he’s written. He wrote so much stuff about her. He just can’t believe that she read everything, yet, she hasn’t brought any of it up. As many good things he’s written about Jan, there were also some stuff he wouldn’t ever want her to read. But she did. He takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes
“Well you said you wanted me to be honest.”
“You’re right. Thank you. Lets just drop it now.”
“Fine.”
That was probably the first time where Michael was the one that wanted to just move on and drop it. Jan was okay with that though. She didn’t feel like fighting anymore. She hopes that things between them won’t be all awkward, instead, maybe it’ll be a wake-up call for both of them, and they’ll finally be able to have a semi-decent relationship. Who knows what it’ll bring.
Nearly an hour later they arrive home. Jan was hoping that the rest of the car ride wouldn’t be awkward, but it was. They ended up stopping at Taco Bell to grab something to eat. Even THEN they weren’t really saying anything. Michael didn’t even open the door for her like he usually does. That really showed Jan just how hurt and upset he was. Maybe showing his diary WAS worse than e-mailing everyone a topless photo of her.
Without even saying a word, Michael begins to go upstairs. But Jan stops him with the soft touch of her hands, “Michael? Are we going to be okay?”
“Of course. We’ll always be okay.”
“We can work on this okay? Make it better?”
“I know.” Michael begins to head upstairs again.
“I’m serious Michael. Lets try starting over.”
“It’s so hard Jan. I mean, what we did to each other was mean! We both hurt each other bad. And we didn’t even win…we could’ve but…”
“…But that’s the thanks we get for falling in love.”
"How is that..."
"Well because I knew how mean it was to show everyone your diary, but I did it anyways. Because I was trying to do you a favor. I really wanted to help you get that 4 million dollars. I was doing everything for you, Michael. Because I love you and I didnt want to see you in debt anymore. You were so stressed, and upset about everything, and I really hated that Michael. You weren't yourself. Since showing everyone your personal diary, I guess karma just didn't see it as doing you a favor and that's why we lost."
'So that's the thanks we get for loving each other..."
"Exactly."
Is that the thanks I get for lovin you?
Is that the thanks I get for tellin you the truth?
You say you wanna know
Where I go when I go
You say you wanna communicate
But you dont hear a word I say
Is that the thanks I get for loving you?
Now I'm tired of the looks you give me when I get home late
And I'm getting tired how you forget the lovin things I say
I hold you tight
I treat you right
Now everytime I go out to play
Why you think im leaving
Is that the thanks I get for loving you?
Now faith and trust, the strongest part of us
That's ok, but you must believe in our love
We can make it better
Put ourselves together and start it again
I hold you tight
You tuck me in at night
I dont ever wanna fight again
I think were both crazy
But thats the thanks we get for falling in love
We can make it better
We can make it better
Put ourselves together
Start it again