M's Office Hours, Thursday (04/12)

[mi6_m]

The end of the semester was creeping closer, and M found herself busy with preparing the final exam for her class and catching up on agency business. She'd already started taking up the reins again, and was in fact at that moment on her phone and busily typing at her laptop, discussing the activities of a suspected weapons dealer with her assistant

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[mparkerceo]

Parker dragged herself out of her room during second period before going back to bed to sleep. She made sure that she looked as pulled-together as usual, but the red eyes weren't yielding to Visine the way she wanted. Otherwise there was no trace of her recent upset.

"M? If you have a minute...."

[mi6_m]

M nodded at Parker and motioned her toward the chair as she brought her conversation to a close and then hung up the phone.

"What can I do for you, Parker?" she asked, quickly taking in the young woman's appearance and noting the slight redness of the eyes. She didn't remark on it, of course.

[mparkerceo]

"Nadia told me - as Gun Club coordinator - that Annette had gotten in trouble for carrying a gun in school, and that you were handling the discipline. Annette admitted it, and said that you wanted her to take further gun safety courses?" Parker folded her hands, looking expectant. "Would you like me to handle that? And if so, is there anything in particular I should concentrate on?"

[mi6_m]

Nodding, M said, "Technically, I am only disciplining Hargrove for the theft of the gun from my class, and her failure to adequately follow my TA's instructions regarding its handling and return. Fortunately for her, I'm not in a position to mete out punishment for her other actions."

Her tone suggested that Annette would probably have been on the receiving end of more than just a detention and some required training if M did have that power.

"However, that doesn't actually answer your question. Yes, I did assign her to take gun safety training at the firing range. I'm deeply concerned about her cavalier attitude toward handling firearms, especially since she doesn't to my knowledge have any formal training. And I would very much appreciate you handling this, Parker, if you're willing. I should like Hargrove to learn the proper handling of a handgun. And I don't mean just how to put the safety on. Teach her to fire it accurately, stationary and moving targets. She needs to understand that it isn't a game."

[mparkerceo]

Parker nodded, looking serious, and said, "She did have the basic lecture, but I'll expand on that and go in to much more detail. Especially about how guns misfire or can become hazards. I'll be happy to handle that the first weekend she's not in Detention." She bit her lower lip, and said, "I suggested she sign up for Self Defense courses here, so she doesn't think of a gun as the first alternative when she feels threatened. I've helped out at the Club here once or twice, and they seem very competent."

[mi6_m]

"I suggested she get some self-defense training, and Santos offered to give her private lessons," M replied, with another nod. "A formal Club would be a very good idea, however. I'll mention it to her when I see her next week. And she has only one detention assigned, which means she should be available for Gun Club after this weekend."

M narrowed her eyes at Parker for a moment, trying to decide if whatever had caused the redness in her eyes was going to be too much for her take on an additional responsiblity.

"You're certain this is something you're prepared to do? I want Hargrove to truly understand that a gun isn't something she can just wave around to make herself feel safe. She needs to realize that if she's going to carry and handle a gun, she needs to be prepared to use it, and to deal with the consequences. It's my hope that she'll decide to stay away from them altogether, but I want her to be at least competent and serious about it if she is going to start carrying one."

[mparkerceo]

"I'm certain," Parker said instantly, jaw tightening. "I don't want Annette to be the first accident statistic we've had here since the Gun Club started. I'll make certain she understands what she's doing, if she does decide to carry one." Her lips thinned for a moment, and then she looked down at her hands. "On a totally unrelated matter... Eric Weiss won't be in your class any longer. He's gone home to L.A."

[mi6_m]

Ahh. M immediately suspected that this was the source of Parker's upset, and pursed her lips thoughtfully.

"Your assistance is appreciated, Parker. I'll be certain to note it in my reference, should you ever need one." She paused, and then continued in a subtley softer voice. "I'm sorry to hear that. Weiss was a good student. I take it this was an...unexpected development?"

[mparkerceo]

"Thank you, M." Parker looked up from her hands, and tried to school her expression. At least her voice sounded normal to herself. "Very sudden. His mother's extremely ill. And, there's financial considerations. So he won't be returning any time soon." She shrugged a little, swallowing. "I know he enjoyed your class. He's hoping to join the CIA when he graduates college, you probably remember that."

[mi6_m]

"Yes, I do. And I hope he continues with that plan. It's a shame he won't be able to finish the class, but his grades up to this point have been good, so I imagine that will be at least some help."

M tilted her head at Parker. "And how are you handling it?"

[mparkerceo]

"I?" Parker was startled, then shook herself, annoyed that she'd thought she could skate over this. "Am okay. Well... I will be." She tightened her fingers together again. "It helps that we parted on good terms. And that I knew this was coming eventually." She studied M, and then impulsively said, "Can I ask you a personal question? It's not detailed, I just-- want a different perspective, on something."

[mi6_m]

Normally, M did not encourage the asking of personal questions. But she thought Parker was probably astute enough to keep away from anything deeply personal, and so she nodded once.

"Go ahead."

[mparkerceo]

"Were you married, or involved, when you were with MI-6?" She frowned, then said, "I'm asking because-- how does anyone in this field have a personal life, when everything about them has to be a secret? Or, or, when it's not a secret," she looked down again, "How are you supposed to cope when it ends. Which it seems it always does, inevitably."

[mi6_m]

For a moment, there was something very like regret in M's eyes, but it was quickly masked. She looked off in the distance as she answered.

"I have been...involved more than once during my time with MI-6. But you're right, Parker, it doesn't last. When all of your energy and attention is focused on the job -- and it has to be, if you're going to be any good at it -- then there's very little room for anything else. Anyone you invest that precious bit of leftover time in has to understand that they'll never really know you, and that they'll never come first. And there aren't many people out there who are willing to put up with that for very long. It can be a stressful, difficult, lonely life."

M paused, and brought her gaze back to Parker. "But it's worth it."

[mparkerceo]

Parker studied her a long moment, then nodded, her shoulders easing. Maybe that's what she'd wanted to know, underneath it all. Because the odds of finding another Weiss, or Jarod-- well. "Thank you. I'm going to try to believe that." She smiled a little wryly. "I'll be more likely to in a few weeks, I suppose. But thanks."

[mi6_m]

"It doesn't get easier," M said quietly. "But you learn how to manage. You won't be happy, so if that's what you're looking for in your life, then you'd best find another career. If the job is more important than happiness, however, and if you're willing to make do with being satisfied, then you might survive."

It wasn't comforting advice, but comfort wasn't going to help anyone going into her line of work, and M didn't figure Parker would have come to her if that had been what she was looking for anyway.