(no subject)
ironychan reviews a movie:
I JUST WATCHED A MOVIE CALLED KUNG-FU ZOMBIE.
IT WENT A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
1 MINUTE: THIS MOVIE IS CALLED KUNG-FU ZOMBIE
2 MINUTES: HOPPING ZOMBIE PRIEST PLAYING THE CYMBALS AND GIGGLING LIKE A LOON
3 MINUTES: ZOMBIE DOGPILE
4 MINUTES: SPIKED PIT OF DEATH
5 MINUTES: SHIRTLESS DUDE RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS KICKING ASS
6 MINUTES: FURNITURE FIGHT
7 MINUTES: REBELLIOUS YOUTH
8 MINUTES: KUNG-FU BANK ROBBERY
9 MINUTES: INEPT KUNG FU FIGHT
10 MINUTES: EXPLOSION OF ZOMBIES
11 MINUTES: VILLAIN FALLS INTO OWN SPIKED PIT OF DEATH
12 MINUTES: VOODOO PRIEST BEATEN UP BY GHOST
13 MINUTES: GHOST CRIES LIKE LITTLE GIRL
14 MINUTES: VOODOO PRIEST BEATEN UP BY GHOST AGAIN
15 MINUTES: VASE FIGHT
16 MINUTES: INTENSELY HOMOEROTIC
17 MINUTES: GHOST IS DROWNING. NO SHIT.
18 MINUTES: "BURY HIM; HE SEEMS DEAD."
19 MINUTES: DEAD GUY SPRINGS UP AND KICKS ASS.
20 MINUTES: GHOST PULLS CHAIR OUT FROM UNDER GUY
21 MINUTES: GHOST GOOSES BARMAID
22 MINUTES: GHOST PULLS BARMAID'S PANTS DOWN, AND DON'T EVEN ASK ME ABOUT THE FAT CHICK
23 MINUTES: SLOW-MO SHOT OF WATER POURING OFF HERO'S RIPPED CHEST HOO FUCKING MAMA
24 MINUTES: MORE FURIOUS KUNG FU
25 MINUTES: GRAVE ROBBERY
26 MINUTES: EWWW, CORPSE COOTIES
27 MINUTES: VOODOO PRIEST CAN'T FIND HIS NOTES
28 MINUTES: MAN EXPLODES OUT OF GIANT VASE
29 MINUTES: THE SCORE GIVES UP AND LEAVES IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE
30 MINUTES: "A MISTAKE COULD BE PAINFUL."
31 MINUTES: ANOTHER DEAD GUY SPRINGS UP AND KICKS ASS
32 MINUTES: NECROPHILIA
33 MINUTES: I'M PRETTY SURE THIS RIGHT HERE IS ALL THE PLOT WE'RE EVER GONNA GET
34 MINUTES: BADASS HAT
35 MINUTES: KUNG-FU COMBATANTS RIP EACH OTHER'S SHIRTS OFF. I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THIS.
36 MINUTES: THE GHOST IS WEARING A HAT
37 MINUTES: EXTREME CROTCH VIOLENCE
38 MINUTES: HAT-WEARING GHOST STILL FUNNY
39 MINUTES: DRUNKEN PARTY
40 MINUTES: GUY KEELS OVER DEAD IN MIDDLE OF DRUNKEN PARTY
41 MINUTES: GHOST CRIES LIKE LITTLE GIRL AGAIN
42 MINUTES: DISCO CORPSE
43 MINUTES: VERY CHEERFUL FUNERAL FOR GUY WHO DIED AT PARTY
44 MINUTES: HAT-WEARING GHOST TOTALLY STILL FUNNY
45 MINUTES: TIME FOR ANOTHER GRAVE ROBBERY
46 MINUTES: GHOST REMOVES HAT TO PAY RESPECTS TO OWN CORPSE
47 MINUTES: FOLEY GUY HAS A SIEZURE
48 MINUTES: "YOU THINK YOU CAN USE OUR MASTER'S BODY FOR YOUR FILTHY EXPERIMENTS, EH?"
49 MINUTES: CORPSE HAS A SIEZURE
50 MINUTES: SCORE HAS A SIEZURE
51 MINUTES: MAN DISGUISED AS A PALM TREE
52 MINUTES: "YOU MAY LOOK FOOLISH, BUT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE."
53 MINUTES: GUY SHAVES HEAD TO BULLFIGHTING MUSIC
54 MINUTES: ZOMBIE CHASING NAKED FAT HAIRY GUY
55 MINUTES: KUNG FU FIGHT THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH REST OF MOVIE
56 MINUTES: INCEST
57 MINUTES: THIS MOVIE HAS AWESOME HATS
58 MINUTES: PORTRAIT OF BUDDHA SHOOTS LASERS OUT OF ITS EYES
59 MINUTES: MAN WITH PORN 'STACHE ATTACKED BY SHIRT
60 MINUTES: DRUNK GUY GETS HIS HEAD KICKED OFF
61 MINUTES: "HE'S BEING STRANGELY NICE TO US. I DON'T LIKE IT."
62 MINUTES: OH SHIT IT'S THE UNDEAD ASIAN GALLAGHER
63 MINUTES: PALM TREE MAN TAKES DISGUISE OFF
64 MINUTES: KUNG FU GUY #1 IS WEARING SHIRT HE TORE OFF KUNG FU GUY #2 AT 35 MINUTES.
65 MINUTES: FIGHT MIRACULOUSLY FAILS TO DESTROY ANTIQUE FURNITURE
66 MINUTES: ZOMBIE HAS HEART ATTACK
67 MINUTES: KUNG-FU VAMPIRE RASTA
68 MINUTES: PUPPY!
69 MINUTES: MONK BITCHSLAPPED OUT OF TEMPLE FOR EATING PUPPY
70 MINUTES: "WE MEET AGAIN, AND THIS TIME FOR KEEPS!"
71 MINUTES: ZOMBIE CONGA LINE
72 MINUTES: ADDITIONAL KUNG-FU
73 MINUTES: ZOMBIE TUG-O-WAR FOLLOWED SWIFTLY BY VAMPIRE CAN-CAN
74 MINUTES: PUPPY-EATING MONK KILLED BY VAMPIRE
75 MINUTES: PRIEST APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE AND COPS A FEEL
76 MINUTES: VAMPIRE BREATHES FIRE
77 MINUTES: VAMPIRE STRANGLED BY OWN CAPE
78 MINUTES: ZOMBIES. THE END
Context is FUCK YEAH.
I JUST WATCHED A MOVIE CALLED KUNG-FU ZOMBIE.
IT WENT A LITTLE SOMETHING LIKE THIS:
1 MINUTE: THIS MOVIE IS CALLED KUNG-FU ZOMBIE
2 MINUTES: HOPPING ZOMBIE PRIEST PLAYING THE CYMBALS AND GIGGLING LIKE A LOON
3 MINUTES: ZOMBIE DOGPILE
4 MINUTES: SPIKED PIT OF DEATH
5 MINUTES: SHIRTLESS DUDE RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS KICKING ASS
6 MINUTES: FURNITURE FIGHT
7 MINUTES: REBELLIOUS YOUTH
8 MINUTES: KUNG-FU BANK ROBBERY
9 MINUTES: INEPT KUNG FU FIGHT
10 MINUTES: EXPLOSION OF ZOMBIES
11 MINUTES: VILLAIN FALLS INTO OWN SPIKED PIT OF DEATH
12 MINUTES: VOODOO PRIEST BEATEN UP BY GHOST
13 MINUTES: GHOST CRIES LIKE LITTLE GIRL
14 MINUTES: VOODOO PRIEST BEATEN UP BY GHOST AGAIN
15 MINUTES: VASE FIGHT
16 MINUTES: INTENSELY HOMOEROTIC
17 MINUTES: GHOST IS DROWNING. NO SHIT.
18 MINUTES: "BURY HIM; HE SEEMS DEAD."
19 MINUTES: DEAD GUY SPRINGS UP AND KICKS ASS.
20 MINUTES: GHOST PULLS CHAIR OUT FROM UNDER GUY
21 MINUTES: GHOST GOOSES BARMAID
22 MINUTES: GHOST PULLS BARMAID'S PANTS DOWN, AND DON'T EVEN ASK ME ABOUT THE FAT CHICK
23 MINUTES: SLOW-MO SHOT OF WATER POURING OFF HERO'S RIPPED CHEST HOO FUCKING MAMA
24 MINUTES: MORE FURIOUS KUNG FU
25 MINUTES: GRAVE ROBBERY
26 MINUTES: EWWW, CORPSE COOTIES
27 MINUTES: VOODOO PRIEST CAN'T FIND HIS NOTES
28 MINUTES: MAN EXPLODES OUT OF GIANT VASE
29 MINUTES: THE SCORE GIVES UP AND LEAVES IN THE MIDDLE OF A SCENE
30 MINUTES: "A MISTAKE COULD BE PAINFUL."
31 MINUTES: ANOTHER DEAD GUY SPRINGS UP AND KICKS ASS
32 MINUTES: NECROPHILIA
33 MINUTES: I'M PRETTY SURE THIS RIGHT HERE IS ALL THE PLOT WE'RE EVER GONNA GET
34 MINUTES: BADASS HAT
35 MINUTES: KUNG-FU COMBATANTS RIP EACH OTHER'S SHIRTS OFF. I AM TOTALLY OKAY WITH THIS.
36 MINUTES: THE GHOST IS WEARING A HAT
37 MINUTES: EXTREME CROTCH VIOLENCE
38 MINUTES: HAT-WEARING GHOST STILL FUNNY
39 MINUTES: DRUNKEN PARTY
40 MINUTES: GUY KEELS OVER DEAD IN MIDDLE OF DRUNKEN PARTY
41 MINUTES: GHOST CRIES LIKE LITTLE GIRL AGAIN
42 MINUTES: DISCO CORPSE
43 MINUTES: VERY CHEERFUL FUNERAL FOR GUY WHO DIED AT PARTY
44 MINUTES: HAT-WEARING GHOST TOTALLY STILL FUNNY
45 MINUTES: TIME FOR ANOTHER GRAVE ROBBERY
46 MINUTES: GHOST REMOVES HAT TO PAY RESPECTS TO OWN CORPSE
47 MINUTES: FOLEY GUY HAS A SIEZURE
48 MINUTES: "YOU THINK YOU CAN USE OUR MASTER'S BODY FOR YOUR FILTHY EXPERIMENTS, EH?"
49 MINUTES: CORPSE HAS A SIEZURE
50 MINUTES: SCORE HAS A SIEZURE
51 MINUTES: MAN DISGUISED AS A PALM TREE
52 MINUTES: "YOU MAY LOOK FOOLISH, BUT YOU'RE STILL ALIVE."
53 MINUTES: GUY SHAVES HEAD TO BULLFIGHTING MUSIC
54 MINUTES: ZOMBIE CHASING NAKED FAT HAIRY GUY
55 MINUTES: KUNG FU FIGHT THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH REST OF MOVIE
56 MINUTES: INCEST
57 MINUTES: THIS MOVIE HAS AWESOME HATS
58 MINUTES: PORTRAIT OF BUDDHA SHOOTS LASERS OUT OF ITS EYES
59 MINUTES: MAN WITH PORN 'STACHE ATTACKED BY SHIRT
60 MINUTES: DRUNK GUY GETS HIS HEAD KICKED OFF
61 MINUTES: "HE'S BEING STRANGELY NICE TO US. I DON'T LIKE IT."
62 MINUTES: OH SHIT IT'S THE UNDEAD ASIAN GALLAGHER
63 MINUTES: PALM TREE MAN TAKES DISGUISE OFF
64 MINUTES: KUNG FU GUY #1 IS WEARING SHIRT HE TORE OFF KUNG FU GUY #2 AT 35 MINUTES.
65 MINUTES: FIGHT MIRACULOUSLY FAILS TO DESTROY ANTIQUE FURNITURE
66 MINUTES: ZOMBIE HAS HEART ATTACK
67 MINUTES: KUNG-FU VAMPIRE RASTA
68 MINUTES: PUPPY!
69 MINUTES: MONK BITCHSLAPPED OUT OF TEMPLE FOR EATING PUPPY
70 MINUTES: "WE MEET AGAIN, AND THIS TIME FOR KEEPS!"
71 MINUTES: ZOMBIE CONGA LINE
72 MINUTES: ADDITIONAL KUNG-FU
73 MINUTES: ZOMBIE TUG-O-WAR FOLLOWED SWIFTLY BY VAMPIRE CAN-CAN
74 MINUTES: PUPPY-EATING MONK KILLED BY VAMPIRE
75 MINUTES: PRIEST APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE AND COPS A FEEL
76 MINUTES: VAMPIRE BREATHES FIRE
77 MINUTES: VAMPIRE STRANGLED BY OWN CAPE
78 MINUTES: ZOMBIES. THE END
Context is FUCK YEAH.