The Middle of the Story

[bratanimus]

Title: The Middle of the Story
Author: bratanimus
Rating & Warnings: PG-13 for talk of death, gross slug activity
Prompts: Day of screams, flesh-eating slugs, horror, and location #18 (the tree)
Word Count: 2,254
Summary: A ghost story that started with an ending, and finished with a beginning.
Author’s Note: A big THANK YOU to ladybracknell for her beta and

Comments

[anonymous]

This is very well done, and not remotely what I would have guessed given those prompts (significantly less gruesome, which is a good thing in my book!). I am very impressed by the style, how you managed to very engagingly combine a traditional horror story tone with a narrative that is by turns witty and regretful.

--R

[bratanimus]

Thank you very much! I'm relieved that my use of the rather gross prompts was not TOO gruesome, lol! I'm pleased that the horror/ghost story combined with Remus' narrative worked for you, and very glad you found it engaging.

Thanks again for such thoughtful feedback! I really appreciate it. :)

[parapsionic]

There are no words for how much I love this fic. I was struck when I realized that it was Remus narrating the story to Teddy (I was confused at first, so I spoiled myself and skimmed towards the end, LOL). There's just so much sadness and raw emotion that makes me feel for them. You justify Remus' decision to become a ghost so well, and I laughed at the whole "Your mum tried to tell me but, as usual, I had to figure it out on my own. In the end it was the slugs that did it." Brilliant line. Gah, this is a great fic

[bratanimus]

Thank you! :D

I'd hoped to make the beginning delierately confusing (glad it worked!;)), and am very pleased that you thought the emotion of the piece worked. And you've quoted one of my favorite lines, lol! I'm also tickled that you liked Remus' fatherly advice at the end (boy, I could have gone on and on with that, but I figured Remus would probably show a little self-restraint, so as not to embarrass Teddy, if for no other reason). I'm super pleased that you liked how matter-of-fact Remus was about the slugs eating away at their bodies! I think once you're a ghost it probably doesn't matter too much what happens to your flesh, hee hee. So macabre. ;)

Thank you again for your very detailed and kind review. :)

[shimotsuki]

I'm actually blinking hard so I can see to type this. What a great piece -- I love the structure you've given it, with the end/beginning/middle business. I liked the ambiguity of the beginning -- was this Remus or Sirius somehow writing through time to a younger self? No, but almost: Remus writing to his son. (And by a few paragraphs into the letter, it as clear that that voice could only be Remus.) As others have said, the use of the slugs prompt is brilliant, and the fact that the ghosts of the beloved departed are not necessarily welcome was a very effective line to take here. It's so sad, but once again so powerful, that Remus's good intentions of staying with his son ended up giving poor baby Teddy ghostly nightmares.

[bratanimus]

Aw, I'm so tickled that I made you have to blink hard to type! Mission accomplished, lol! ;)

Thank you so much for commenting on the structure; I had high hopes for it, and I am very glad that it worked for you. I'm glad you found the beginning ambiguous at first (and I really like your idea about Sirius writing to his younger self -- one of us needs to write about that!). I'm pleased that you thought Remus' voice was believable, and that you liked the slugs and the unwelcome haunting. It was fun to write, if a bit macabre! ;) And I figured Teddy needed to have some emotional scars from that experience, hence the nightmares. Poor Teddy, and poor Remus for causing those nightmares. Oh well. At least he got to apologize, albeit years later ... ;)

Thank you again for your very kind review. I'm glad you liked it! :D

[jadeddiva]

What a very original take on the prompt - and a very sad, slightly horrific one too ;) I enjoyed it very much, thinking "Oh, this has to be Remus!" then "Wait, maybe it's not..." then "Oh, it's totally Remus!" which was nice. And so very very sad. But still - great job :)

[bratanimus]

Thank you! I'm glad the beginning was ambiguous to you. ;) And I'm very pleased that you liked my take on the prompt, as macabre as it was, lol. Thanks again for reading! :D

[train_lindz]

What a wonderful, touching and sad tale.
Beautifully told. Well done :)

[bratanimus]

Thank you very much! I'm very pleased that this story moved you, and I appreciate your kind words. Thanks again! :)