Part Eight: Confessions
Title: Confessions
Author: gijane7702
Rating & Warnings: R/angst
Prompts: Promise/"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
Word Count: 1573
Summary: Remus and Tonks talk finally
Author’s Notes: Part 8 in my series; set Boxing Day, HBP
I have family and friends (including LJ ones!) coming in town over the next two weeks for all the Potter mania. I'm hoping I can manage to crank out Parts 9 and 10 before the deadline, but it's going to be very close!
This deals with a very adult subject...but a warning would ruin the fic. Please read with caution
Tonks, perched on the window seat, stared blindly at the street below. It was the first time in over four months that she had been back to the flat.
Their flat.
She had all but officially moved out in August when she was assigned to Hogsmeade as part of the protection force for the village and the school. Tonks couldn’t bear to be here…too many memories. So she stayed away, at a room at the Three Broomsticks. She had spent yesterday, Christmas Day, with her parents, but only for a few hours. Tonks had quickly gotten tired of the pitying looks and left.
Chameleon leapt up onto the window seat and meowed pitifully at her. She smiled sadly at the cat and whispered, “I miss him too.” He jumped into her lap and the two were cuddling when there were a quiet three knocks on the door. “Who could that be?” Tonks asked Chameleon. Standing up, she dropped him to the floor and together, witch and cat slowly approached the front door. “Who is it?” she called as she withdrew her wand. No one, save her parents, knew she was back in London.
There was a pregnant pause, and then the answer came. “It’s me, Dora.”
Remus.
He was here.
Just beyond the door.
Tonks’ stomach dropped. A surge of emotions raced through her. She wasn’t sure how to feel: Relieved? Angry? Terrified?
Chameleon’s frantic meowing and scratching at the door dragged her back into reality. “Um…what’s your Patronus?” she asked their security question.
“It’s a lion, Dora. And yours is no longer a chameleon. According to Harry, it’s big-”
Wrenching the door open stopped him abruptly. “It’s Moony,” she told him. Her eyes devoured him for the first time in six months. He was thinner, greyer, and shabbier than ever…but he was alive.
And he was standing on her doorstep with an absolutely stunned expression on his face.
“It’s me?” he whispered.
“It’s you, Remus.”
He blinked, as if in a daze, and then looked up at her properly. With his sharp intake of breath, Tonks knew he was shocked by her appearance.
Hell, she was shocked at her appearance.
“What’s wrong?” he asked hoarsely, reaching out and toyed with a lock of limp brown hair. “You’re so-”
“Colourless,” Tonks supplied. “Do you want to come in?”
Remus paused, and then said, “All right.” Leaning down, he scooped up Chameleon, who had been winding himself around Remus’ legs all the while meowing loudly. “Hullo,” he told the cat. “I’ve missed you too.”
“Coffee?” she asked. “We…I should still have some.”
He had jerked to a stop at her use of ‘we’. Resuming walking, Remus sat down on the couch with Chameleon balled up in his lap, purring contently, and said, “Coffee sounds divine. It’s absolutely freezing out there.”
“It has been rather cold this winter,” Tonks replied as she pottered around gathering what she would need.
“It has,” he agreed.
With her back to him, Tonks rolled her eyes. They were discussing the weather like two perfect strangers would. Changing the subject, she asked, “How was Christmas? Did you make it to the Burrow?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Busy and loud…as usual?”
“As usual,” Remus said with a slight smile. Tonks knew he loved being included in such a loving family.
“One of Molly’s?” she asked, indicating his jumper, knowing it was, while pouring his cup.
“Yes, it is,” Remus said while stroking a very content Chameleon. “We all got one.”
“My very own pink one had arrived this morning in the mail. I think Molly’s trying to tell me something.” Remus frowned, so she continued on hurriedly, “Yours is the same colour as your eyes,” she told him as she held out the cup to him. “They’re such a beautiful shade of blue. I hope the children inherit them.”
Remus, who had stopped petting the cat to take the coffee, froze. “Nymphadora-” he began.
Tonks’ dark eyes widened as she realised she had said the last part aloud. “I didn’t mean to say that…I’m sorry!” To distract him, she dropped the coffee cup at his feet on purpose. “Oh bollocks!”
Chameleon gave both of them a look, leapt out of Remus’ lap, and padded down the corridor towards the bedroom.
While Remus had withdrawn his wand to clean the mess, Tonks scampered back to the kitchen. Leaning up against the counter, she placed a hand over her mouth to stop the sobs from being heard in the living room. How could she have been so stupid as to have mentioned children in front of him? Or allude to their previous relationship?
“Dora-” Remus began, entering the kitchen, rolling the repaired coffee cup in his hands. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Tonks told him in a choked voice, wiping the tears form her eyes. “I’m perfectly fine,” she added, giving him a watery smile.
“Perfectly fine, my arse,” he said. “Are you still… About us…?”
“No…no…I’m fine…Thank you very much.” At the surprised look on his face, she continued, “Well, you know. As well as I can be about it. Pomona actually helped me through a lot of it. See?” Tonks rambled on hastily, “Normally I would have snapped ‘there is no “us”’, but I’ve been getting better. Really…I have. Honestly.”
They both knew that her prattling weren’t convincing either of them.
“So…you’re not crying about us?” Remus asked cautiously.
“Nope…No…Absolutely not!”
“And…there’s nothing else bothering you?”
“Nope!” Tonks lied through her teeth, smiling brightly at him. She hoped he wasn’t going to try Legilimency on her again like he had at the hospital.
Remus set the coffee cup down on the counter. Coming up beside her, he said, “I don’t believe you, Dora.”
She knew he hadn’t been convinced. “Stop calling me Dora! Of course I’m not! But what gives you the right to ask if I’m okay? You drugged me, and then dumped me! And I haven’t seen you for six months! You’ve been underground with that psychopath and I’m not supposed to worry about you? You’re not my boyfriend any more, but you are still my friend and colleague. Sirius is dead because of me. I lost-”
Clamping her mouth shut, she pushed past him into the living room and sank down on the couch, drawing a pillow up. Tonks knew she had knocked him for six with her yelling by the staggered look on his face. Chameleon popped his head around the corner to see what the commotion was all about. “I’m fine,” she told the cat, who meowed at her and headed back down the corridor.
“You’re not fine,” Remus said as he sat down next to her. “Yes, we are at war. No, Sirius didn’t die because of you.” He held up a hand as she started to protest. “Sirius was a member of the Order of the Phoenix who knew exactly what he was getting himself into and what he was risking when he left Grimmauld Place. It’s not your fault you were injured and he took up your duel. No more survivors’ guilt... please.”
“Whatever,” Tonks muttered, feeling sulky. Pomona had said basically the same thing to her. It didn’t mean she was going to stop feeling that way.
“Now…what did you lose?”
“Lose? I lost nothing! That was just silly, sorry,” she giggled nervously.
Remus was silent for a few moments, and then said quietly, “I know.”
“Know what?” Tonks asked stubbornly.
He blew out a deep breath. “I saw your chart over your father’s shoulder.”
She felt her face blanch. “You did?”
Remus reached out to stroke her cheek. “I did. I saw Miriam’s note. ”
The small note in her chart had been the worst thing of all to happen to her after the battle at the Department of Mysteries. Miriam had noted after her examination that there might be an explanation of the abdominal cramps and bleeding that Tonks had been experiencing: a possible miscarriage.
While it was explained to her that it had been far too early to know with certainty, Tonks and Miriam had immediately done the maths. She had been due three days after the excursion to Scotland. But between the full moon and trying to keep Sirius inside Grimmauld Place, Tonks hadn’t noticed she was late. And, due to the Contraception Potion, she was never late. Miriam had told her that the other potions that she had been taking for her headcold had probably interfered with the effectiveness of the Potion. The Healer had offered to test, but it was refused. Tonks just knew.
In the space of one day, she had lost a family member, the man she loved…and a baby.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “If I had known…”
“Don’t!” Remus said harshly. “There was no way you could have known. It was too early.”
“Miriam offered me a test, but I just knew-”
“And you didn’t want official confirmation,” he finished. She shook her head in confirmation. “I understand. I’m so sorry, Tonks. I’m so sorry for everything…but I had to go. Dumbledore asked…and I had to. I owe him so much…”
“I understand why you left, Remus, but I was still angry. And it’s Dora…please.”
“Understandably angry,” he agreed as she crawled into his lap for comfort. “I love you, Dora.”
“I love you too, Remus.”
“It’s our anniversary for that-” she began.
“I know…that’s why I came.”
Author: gijane7702
Rating & Warnings: R/angst
Prompts: Promise/"You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be."
Word Count: 1573
Summary: Remus and Tonks talk finally
Author’s Notes: Part 8 in my series; set Boxing Day, HBP
I have family and friends (including LJ ones!) coming in town over the next two weeks for all the Potter mania. I'm hoping I can manage to crank out Parts 9 and 10 before the deadline, but it's going to be very close!
This deals with a very adult subject...but a warning would ruin the fic. Please read with caution
Tonks, perched on the window seat, stared blindly at the street below. It was the first time in over four months that she had been back to the flat.
Their flat.
She had all but officially moved out in August when she was assigned to Hogsmeade as part of the protection force for the village and the school. Tonks couldn’t bear to be here…too many memories. So she stayed away, at a room at the Three Broomsticks. She had spent yesterday, Christmas Day, with her parents, but only for a few hours. Tonks had quickly gotten tired of the pitying looks and left.
Chameleon leapt up onto the window seat and meowed pitifully at her. She smiled sadly at the cat and whispered, “I miss him too.” He jumped into her lap and the two were cuddling when there were a quiet three knocks on the door. “Who could that be?” Tonks asked Chameleon. Standing up, she dropped him to the floor and together, witch and cat slowly approached the front door. “Who is it?” she called as she withdrew her wand. No one, save her parents, knew she was back in London.
There was a pregnant pause, and then the answer came. “It’s me, Dora.”
Remus.
He was here.
Just beyond the door.
Tonks’ stomach dropped. A surge of emotions raced through her. She wasn’t sure how to feel: Relieved? Angry? Terrified?
Chameleon’s frantic meowing and scratching at the door dragged her back into reality. “Um…what’s your Patronus?” she asked their security question.
“It’s a lion, Dora. And yours is no longer a chameleon. According to Harry, it’s big-”
Wrenching the door open stopped him abruptly. “It’s Moony,” she told him. Her eyes devoured him for the first time in six months. He was thinner, greyer, and shabbier than ever…but he was alive.
And he was standing on her doorstep with an absolutely stunned expression on his face.
“It’s me?” he whispered.
“It’s you, Remus.”
He blinked, as if in a daze, and then looked up at her properly. With his sharp intake of breath, Tonks knew he was shocked by her appearance.
Hell, she was shocked at her appearance.
“What’s wrong?” he asked hoarsely, reaching out and toyed with a lock of limp brown hair. “You’re so-”
“Colourless,” Tonks supplied. “Do you want to come in?”
Remus paused, and then said, “All right.” Leaning down, he scooped up Chameleon, who had been winding himself around Remus’ legs all the while meowing loudly. “Hullo,” he told the cat. “I’ve missed you too.”
“Coffee?” she asked. “We…I should still have some.”
He had jerked to a stop at her use of ‘we’. Resuming walking, Remus sat down on the couch with Chameleon balled up in his lap, purring contently, and said, “Coffee sounds divine. It’s absolutely freezing out there.”
“It has been rather cold this winter,” Tonks replied as she pottered around gathering what she would need.
“It has,” he agreed.
With her back to him, Tonks rolled her eyes. They were discussing the weather like two perfect strangers would. Changing the subject, she asked, “How was Christmas? Did you make it to the Burrow?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Busy and loud…as usual?”
“As usual,” Remus said with a slight smile. Tonks knew he loved being included in such a loving family.
“One of Molly’s?” she asked, indicating his jumper, knowing it was, while pouring his cup.
“Yes, it is,” Remus said while stroking a very content Chameleon. “We all got one.”
“My very own pink one had arrived this morning in the mail. I think Molly’s trying to tell me something.” Remus frowned, so she continued on hurriedly, “Yours is the same colour as your eyes,” she told him as she held out the cup to him. “They’re such a beautiful shade of blue. I hope the children inherit them.”
Remus, who had stopped petting the cat to take the coffee, froze. “Nymphadora-” he began.
Tonks’ dark eyes widened as she realised she had said the last part aloud. “I didn’t mean to say that…I’m sorry!” To distract him, she dropped the coffee cup at his feet on purpose. “Oh bollocks!”
Chameleon gave both of them a look, leapt out of Remus’ lap, and padded down the corridor towards the bedroom.
While Remus had withdrawn his wand to clean the mess, Tonks scampered back to the kitchen. Leaning up against the counter, she placed a hand over her mouth to stop the sobs from being heard in the living room. How could she have been so stupid as to have mentioned children in front of him? Or allude to their previous relationship?
“Dora-” Remus began, entering the kitchen, rolling the repaired coffee cup in his hands. “What is it?”
“Nothing,” Tonks told him in a choked voice, wiping the tears form her eyes. “I’m perfectly fine,” she added, giving him a watery smile.
“Perfectly fine, my arse,” he said. “Are you still… About us…?”
“No…no…I’m fine…Thank you very much.” At the surprised look on his face, she continued, “Well, you know. As well as I can be about it. Pomona actually helped me through a lot of it. See?” Tonks rambled on hastily, “Normally I would have snapped ‘there is no “us”’, but I’ve been getting better. Really…I have. Honestly.”
They both knew that her prattling weren’t convincing either of them.
“So…you’re not crying about us?” Remus asked cautiously.
“Nope…No…Absolutely not!”
“And…there’s nothing else bothering you?”
“Nope!” Tonks lied through her teeth, smiling brightly at him. She hoped he wasn’t going to try Legilimency on her again like he had at the hospital.
Remus set the coffee cup down on the counter. Coming up beside her, he said, “I don’t believe you, Dora.”
She knew he hadn’t been convinced. “Stop calling me Dora! Of course I’m not! But what gives you the right to ask if I’m okay? You drugged me, and then dumped me! And I haven’t seen you for six months! You’ve been underground with that psychopath and I’m not supposed to worry about you? You’re not my boyfriend any more, but you are still my friend and colleague. Sirius is dead because of me. I lost-”
Clamping her mouth shut, she pushed past him into the living room and sank down on the couch, drawing a pillow up. Tonks knew she had knocked him for six with her yelling by the staggered look on his face. Chameleon popped his head around the corner to see what the commotion was all about. “I’m fine,” she told the cat, who meowed at her and headed back down the corridor.
“You’re not fine,” Remus said as he sat down next to her. “Yes, we are at war. No, Sirius didn’t die because of you.” He held up a hand as she started to protest. “Sirius was a member of the Order of the Phoenix who knew exactly what he was getting himself into and what he was risking when he left Grimmauld Place. It’s not your fault you were injured and he took up your duel. No more survivors’ guilt... please.”
“Whatever,” Tonks muttered, feeling sulky. Pomona had said basically the same thing to her. It didn’t mean she was going to stop feeling that way.
“Now…what did you lose?”
“Lose? I lost nothing! That was just silly, sorry,” she giggled nervously.
Remus was silent for a few moments, and then said quietly, “I know.”
“Know what?” Tonks asked stubbornly.
He blew out a deep breath. “I saw your chart over your father’s shoulder.”
She felt her face blanch. “You did?”
Remus reached out to stroke her cheek. “I did. I saw Miriam’s note. ”
The small note in her chart had been the worst thing of all to happen to her after the battle at the Department of Mysteries. Miriam had noted after her examination that there might be an explanation of the abdominal cramps and bleeding that Tonks had been experiencing: a possible miscarriage.
While it was explained to her that it had been far too early to know with certainty, Tonks and Miriam had immediately done the maths. She had been due three days after the excursion to Scotland. But between the full moon and trying to keep Sirius inside Grimmauld Place, Tonks hadn’t noticed she was late. And, due to the Contraception Potion, she was never late. Miriam had told her that the other potions that she had been taking for her headcold had probably interfered with the effectiveness of the Potion. The Healer had offered to test, but it was refused. Tonks just knew.
In the space of one day, she had lost a family member, the man she loved…and a baby.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered. “If I had known…”
“Don’t!” Remus said harshly. “There was no way you could have known. It was too early.”
“Miriam offered me a test, but I just knew-”
“And you didn’t want official confirmation,” he finished. She shook her head in confirmation. “I understand. I’m so sorry, Tonks. I’m so sorry for everything…but I had to go. Dumbledore asked…and I had to. I owe him so much…”
“I understand why you left, Remus, but I was still angry. And it’s Dora…please.”
“Understandably angry,” he agreed as she crawled into his lap for comfort. “I love you, Dora.”
“I love you too, Remus.”
“It’s our anniversary for that-” she began.
“I know…that’s why I came.”