Comments | metamorfic_moon: Them And Us

lady_bracknell in metamorfic_moon

Them And Us

Feb 13, 2007 13:50

Title: Them and Us.
Author: gilpin25
Format and Word Count: Ficlet, 999
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: This won’t cheer you up if you’re having a bad day.
Prompt: Dream Girl
Summary: He’s forgotten what day it is, but some things are always with you.
Author’s Note: Inspired by “I cannot pretend my particular brand of reasoned argument is making much headway ( Read more... )

angst, gilpin25, lovers' moon fic jumble

Comments 27

bratanimus February 14 2007, 14:40:34 UTC

Very nice. I really like this. It's a beutiful and heart-wrenching reminder of why Remus' arguments simply do not work. Poor Jonathan, and poor Remus. I liked all the allusions to Tonks (i.e., don't call me Jonathan, the heart turning vivid pink at the end).

I really loved this bit:

Like a brightly coloured butterfly from which I’ve taken all the life and left a dull brown moth in its place.

Remus smiles. “She’s beautiful. She’d make you laugh.”

Just wonderful.

gilpin25 February 20 2007, 11:14:38 UTC

I'm really glad you liked it because it wasn't exactly a jolly Valentine's read! I was trying to show Remus seeing how impossible his situation is through an innocent boy's questions - a case of "Do as I say, not as I've just done" being exposed for the hypocrisy it is. It must be very hard to make a reasoned arguement when you're aware of the distinctly shaky footing you're on.

As for "Don't call me..." and the allusions to Tonks, I always think that when you try not to think of something, everything seems to conspire to do everything to remind you of it. Especially on such a day.

Many thanks for your kind words. :)

jncar February 14 2007, 20:52:41 UTC

This is absolutely beautiful and poingnant. Jonathon/Lovel is so clearly desperate for love and affection, that his anger and sense of betrayal when he learns that Remus had it and threw it away makes perfect sense.

The emotions in this were just perfect. Lovely, lovely work.

gilpin25 February 20 2007, 11:21:34 UTC

I'm very glad you liked it as it wasn't the most jolly of Valentine's Day reads.

I wanted to write a scene where it's dawning on Remus what an impossible situation he's in in HBP - and also that he's created a lot of it for himself, good intentions not withstanding. And I liked the idea of an innocent, slightly hero-worshipping outsider being the one to voice it out loud to him; that it's hard to believe in someone promising a good life when that person appears to have had everything and given it up.

Thank you very much for a lovely review.

devonwood February 15 2007, 02:34:16 UTC

I loved the comparison of Tonks to a beautiful butterfly, and then to a moth. And the amount of angst was just perfect-- not too much, but just enough to break your heart a tad. Lovely, lovely job. :)

gilpin25 February 20 2007, 11:26:06 UTC

Thank you very much. I did want to show how Remus has got himself into such an impossible situation in HBP, and how that's demonstrated all too clearly by the words and reactions of an innocent boy, who simply can't understand why Remus would reject the love and affection he longs for. But I'd have loved another couple of hundred words for it, as I'm sure a lot of us would!

Thanks again. :)

molly_coddles February 15 2007, 07:17:16 UTC

Ouch, a bleeding heart at the end. And a disenchanted child. Rock and a hard place, that.

Nicely done!

gilpin25 February 20 2007, 11:30:15 UTC

The idea was, literally, Remus being caught between a rock and a hard place (or a young boy's questions and his own actions) - I imagine that at some time during HBP it must have dawned on him that perhaps the reason he wasn't making headway with the werewolves was because of his own "Do as I say, not as I've done" line of arguement. It must be hard to get that over with a lot of conviction. Of course, it wasn't the most cheerful Valentine's idea ever... ;)

Thanks very much for the review; glad you liked it.

shimotsuki February 15 2007, 15:10:36 UTC

Whew. This is strong stuff -- really well done. The opening paragraph slams right into you and drops you into Remus's shoes. And then the dilemma he gets himself into...no way of answering those questions will lead anywhere good. Oh, Remus, even Jonathon can see that you made the wrong choice when you pushed Tonks away! Sigh.

(Hmmm. I have a couple of guesses as to who you are...)

gilpin25 February 20 2007, 12:05:17 UTC

I'm very glad you liked it as I know it wasn't the jolliest Valentine fic around, lol.

The idea was HBP Remus in an impossible situation, and that it's really brought home by the words of an innocent boy, who simply can't understand why Remus would reject the love and affection he longs for. I imagine that it must have dawned on Remus that perhaps the reason he wasn't making headway with the werewolves was because of his own "Do as I say, not as I've done" distinctly shaky arguement.

I'm a bit worried about asking if you guessed right; I must remember to do a cheerful one next year... ;)

Many thanks for the review; much appreciated.