Stars in My Fists, Moon Round My Wrists

[bratanimus]

Title: Stars in My Fists, Moon Round My Wrists

Author: Bratanimus

Format: Ficlet

Rating & Warnings:  T

Prompts: Christmas dinner (with a turkey or a goose) and a knitted jumper or hat

Word Count: 592

Summary: Christmas during HBP.  After the Burrow, against his better judgment, Remus goes to Tonks’ flat.

Author’s Notes: Written for the MetamorFic Moon

Comments

[mrstater]

Most definitely, this piece works!

Wow, I don't even really know where to begin, because this piece is simply overwhelming in its simplicity. First off, I applaud you for experimenting. This style's a very brave departure, and you've pulled it off splendidly.

The images you chose were so perfect -- vivid, and absolutely apt -- and the way they wove together with happy memories and present regrets and inability, really, to even breathe, made me forget to breathe. It was like a series of punches to the stomach, exactly as it should be.

So many phrases I like -- especially the paragraphs about her coming out of the bathroom with bubblebath skin, and them spooning together clothed or unclothed (I do hope you're going there in "A Star Danced", LOL), but I think my favorite bit was this very small one: She’ll cry, she’ll wish, it’s cruel - Just...ouch.

And wonderful. Glad to see you back. :)

[bratanimus]

Thanks so much for the lovely words! I'm glad you thought the style worked. I don't think I'd want to do a long fic in that style, but I'd been wanting to experiment with it for quite some time, actually.

This is one of those fics I could probably tweak forever and add more and more images, memories, and regrets until it's swelled from 592 to 1500 words.

Glad you liked "She'll cry, she'll wish, it's cruel -" I wanted Remus to know exactly the cost of his indulgence, which shows that he does indeed know the depth of Tonks' feelings and yet cannot help himself. Also, I think he's hoping in some deep part of his psyche that the sweater exchange will bring her back to him, even though he'd never admit it and would actually fight it if it came to pass. Poor guy.

Thanks again!

[drumher]

I like this very much. This style was perfect tool to examine Remus' conflicted emotions and you pulled it off very well. Kudos for trying something different and thank you for reminding me to breathe, as I was immediately caught up in this piece.

[bratanimus]

Thanks so much for the kind review! I'd been wanting to try this style for a while, and this was a great opportunity (and audience!) for it. I'm very glad you liked it. :)

[modestyrabnott]

Guh.

Amazing. I was literally leaning forward as I was reading that. Great work.

[bratanimus]

Wow, thank you! I'm happy that it drew you in. I might play with that style some more in the future for other short pieces. Thanks again!

[andacus]

It is incredible how you manage to say so much with so little. *Applauds*

The intensity of this piece is overwhelming. It is like reading raw emotion; so straight from the heart, so painful. I think you have captured the feeling of that Christmas very well, as well as Remus' personal battle. I especially like that he takes a moment to acknowledge that leaving his other jumper will cause her pain and that he indulges anyway.

Excellent!

[bratanimus]

Thanks so much! I'm really glad it hit you like that. Yes, I think he knows exactly the depth of Tonks' feelings for him and what the sweater switch will cost. And in some way, I think he wants her to come running back to him after she finds his sweater, even though he'd fight it if it happened. Thanks again!

[jncar]

Wow. Just wow. It almost hurt to read the emotion was so raw and so real. This style worked really well for a short piece like this, and you intermingled the thoughts and observations and actions wonderfully.

I love this description of Tonks: "the whip of her robes cracking the air, pink hair lollipop flaming against the snow, snowflakes turning to water on her raspberried lips, pounding up the stairs, tumbling cold and trembling into my arms with salt tears and nutmeg tongue -"

The the whole thing with the jumper is just heartbreaking and beautiful.

All this Christmas angst is great stuff--but I might have to write some fluff just to lighten the mood around here! ;)

[bratanimus]

You should definitely write some fluff, the sooner the better! ;)

I'm glad you liked this little piece of angst. I had fun writing it, although I think you're right that this style works best for short pieces (personally, I don't think I could read a long fic in that style!). Thanks for noticing the description of Tonks. I wanted her presence to be all over that flat, unescapable.

Thanks again! :)

[bratanimus]

Oops, I meant "inescapable." It's early in the morning here, and my brain isn't working properly yet! ;)